A Leader Everyone Will Follow | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Hey, guys, it's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered. I told you I had a couple of these that I was going to be doing without the life of the party. Yeah, she's a lot easier to look at. I get it. And she's a lot funner to talk to, but she's just what's amazing, me with the book and the book tour and everything. So she really has a full schedule right now. So I've taken this opportunity to basically hit a couple of topics that I just wanted to get up and hit. I don't ever want to turn this into a Bible study. You got plenty of ways to get my biblical content and my preaching. You got the vault. That's my entire archive. You got YouTube, you know, we got TV. We got all kind of ways to get to it. I don't want this to be that. I want this to be something different. So maybe a topic that generally I wouldn't bring to the pulpit, or maybe even handling it in a conversational way, in a way with Hope that maybe we can talk about it, that wouldn't be just pulpit oriented. So I'm not trying to do a Bible study. I'm not turning this thing into a different format. I want it to be fun, and I want you to hear me and my wife just kind of pick on each other and our banter back and forth as we go at each other, because that's really kind of who we are, and we're like that all the time. And hopefully it's comical and it's sometimes fun and entertaining to you. But I want to welcome you to Ron and Hope Unfiltered, real raw and relevant. I want to talk about today, and this is for everybody. I was going to say, what kind of leader? But then everybody will say, well, this ain't for me. This is a leadership podcast, and there's a million of those. The kind of person everybody would want to follow. You know, what is that kind of person? I've been leading people all my life. You know, when I was on the ball team, you know, I come into the huddle. I couldn't help it. I was talking, you know, when I was on the sideline, the basketball team, and it was a timeout, you know, coach, can I speak? You know, because I got an idea, and, you know, one guy introduced me one time, I forgot about it. Guys who played football with me. I went back and spoke at this thing, and he got up and said, well, I played football with Ron Carpenter. He said, the only thing I remember as he would come back to the huddle and say, give me the ball. I'm just built that way. I'm just built that way. I didn't start leading people when I started being a pastor. If there's a team out on the field, in the workforce, and we need to chart a direction, I may not be the leader, but I would always speak up if I thought there was a better way it could be done. You know, in life, I'm a leader in my home. I'm a leader of my children. I'm a leader in church. I've now moved over into a leader, into much of the not too much that's not true, into a significant portion of the corporate world and moved in leadership. Now, it used to be my generation, but now since I'm older, I'm multi generational. I'm a leader of my home. I'm a leader of my finances. I'm a leader of staff meetings. I'm a leader of pastors. I lead my wife. And so I endeavor and strive to be a guy that when the leader comes in with a challenge or with a decision that is unpopular, it's still not hard to fall in line because he's just the kind of person that you believe in, and he's the kind of person you want to follow. I didn't get this from a book. I don't go read book and write down the five steps to quality leadership and come in here and teach it to you. That's not what I'm doing. This is life experiences. This is me. This is from my heart, not my head. And I just want to talk to you about that and maybe bring up some characteristics that define what kind of person is, you know, what kind of husband is a husband. A woman don't mind following. You know, wives, submit to your husband as unto the Lord. Well, as is a simile like. And as is a simile as unto the Lord, well, what did the Lord do? The Lord died for me. Well, it's easy to follow a guy who'll die for you. That's not a hard decision when somebody loves you on that level that they're willing to be crucified in every area to promote you, make you happy and accommodate you. That fella's easy to follow. That husband's easy to follow. I try to be that husband. I try. And I tell people, when you do a lot of little things in that area of being, you know, serve her as the Lord would when you do it, then when the big things come, you don't have nearly the battle. It was a big thing when my wife was building my promise of her dream home. And right in the middle, literally, after they had just poured the foundation and the foot, I came to her and started talking to her. But I thought God wanted to expand us and move us to the West Coast. That is a huge move. Her grandkids are in the South. Her kids are in the South. Her mom and dad, who are aging, are in the South. Everything she's familiar with is in the South. Now her dream home is in the South. And I say, I think God's moving us West. I was dreading that conversation. She looked at me. It took her all of five seconds. She said, I'm going where you're going. Why was she willing to follow that? Easy. And it was not a brawl. Well, you promised me and you said it. None of that. Why? Hopefully it was a thousand little things of standing up when she walks into the room, wiping her feet off when she gets out of the tub so she don't slide down. Nursing her back to health when she's had three different operations, two just on her hips where she was down and couldn't even walk. Having all types of hip surgery. Nursing her back to health after she had had babies, watching over her when she was sick, cooking the kind of meals she wants to cook. What vacation do you want to go to? In other words, a constant crucifixion of my own desires. Why? Because I want you to be happy. Then I need you to make a big decision. That person became easy to follow. Let me talk along those lines. I'm going to throw you out a few characteristics, and they're not going to be the general leadership stuff. Number one, a person of character and integrity. If I find out you have no character and no integrity, I just can't run with you. I didn't say I didn't love you as unto the Lord. I didn't say I didn't care for your soul. I didn't even say you can't be in my life. But I just can't run with you. I can't lean on you, and I certainly can't follow you if I know you have no character. Why do we say that? These are characters in the phone that we type in? Okay. On Twitter, you used to have anyway 100 and some characters. Why do we call them characters? Because A is a every day. One is one every day. And these things do not change. It don't matter if it's, you know, big, small, little, great, good, economy, Bad economy, Democratic or Republican president, one don't matter. One is always one. And when I type in A, A is always a. People with character do not change with what is going on around them. The pylons of their convictions are driven deep into the ground. And you can know that when they are forced into a place of pressure and stress, their values do not change. When I see somebody that's stressed and they're willing to break all of their rules, that person makes me nervous. I had a discussion this week where there was a compliance issue that was given out by California law that affected our employees. And we were working real hard in hr. They were big issues, they weren't small. And sometimes it takes time to rearrange your organization to make it compliant. And we had something right on us. I mean, it was right on top of us. And I couldn't get everything fixed between contract labor and salary labor and part time labor. I couldn't get everything fixed before this event that the whole church staff just about was participating in or much of them. And so, you know, it meant that I wasn't going to be following all the rules during this. That bothered me so much that I called a meeting and I called a meeting and I said, I don't want you to think that I fudge on little things because if you're unfaithful in little, you'll think that I'm unfaithful in much. And people say, well, if he'll fudge on this, I wonder what else he'll cut corners on. And I let them know the context of which I was in, the problem with which I was encountering the deadline that I was up against and the decisions I was implementing to make sure I would never be in that position again. Why? Because I want them to feel solid when they're with me. I want them to feel solid when they're in the room. I don't want to walk out and they wonder what I'm thinking, what I'm up to. And you know, is he a shyster? Is he a chameleon? Is he like this in here? Is he like that somewhere else? I want to be a man of God, and I want to be a man of God all the time. And I want to be a man of God every day. And it's very, very important that they see me that way because to me, a person of character is easy to follow. Character within it a defining characteristic called integrity. I want to talk about integrity when I come back from this ad. Don't turn away from our ads, because these are our advertisers that we believe in, the majority of them, we use their products. Some of them haven't got a chance to use their product yet because they're new to us. But if you'll stay right in here with me in these next few minutes, there's some people that's very important to me, this podcast. And if the podcast is important to you, they're helping us get to you. So I just want to let you know we have wonderful, wonderful company called Fabric. And you know, whenever I look at pictures of my kids from the past year or even just a few months ago, I'm so amazed at how fast they're growing up. And then, you know, it hits me hard. I'm getting older too. And that's why planning for my family's financial security has become such a top priority to me. Making sure we're prepared and I have enough life insurance in case something unexpected happens and I'm out of the picture is crucial. Pardon me. And Fabric by Gerber Life makes it simple to get the protection that's right for your family. 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And you can manage your family's finances right from your phone so your family is prepared for anything. Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply today in just minutes@meetfabric.com Ronhope that's Meet Fabric M E E T fabric.com Ronhope Policies issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company not available in certain states. Prices subject to underwriting and health questions. Man, we love Fabric. Thank you guys for sponsoring us, believing in us and helping us do what we do. And you can help us by checking them out. Because when you put in that run and hope, that lets them know that you heard about them from us and they credit us for that. So thank you to all of those of you that are participating and those of you that are helping sponsor. I've been talking and preaching a lot lately, so I'm going to try to save my voice and finish this at the same time. Character has a defining component. Integrity. Integrity. Integrity. From the root word integrate. People who are integrous are people who are integrated. Their actions, their words and their thoughts are one. Okay, I'm still in. What kind of person do I want to follow? What kind of leader do I want to follow? What kind of husband would you want to follow? What kind of father do you want to follow? What kind of man do you want to follow? What kind of pastor do you want to follow? Okay. Integrated means what I say will never contradict what I do, and what I do will never contradict what I believe. And what I believe will never contradict what I say and what I say will never contradict what I do, and what I do will never contradict what I believe. In other words, all three of those are one. And you can see what I believe by watching what I do. You can see my thoughts, my words, my actions all line up and that I am consistent in those areas. And when you see somebody saying this but doing that, that leads to distrust and takes away at the fabric of integrity and character. That to me, is the sterling element of all leadership. The sterling element is not giftedness. It's not talent, it's not diligence, it's not consistency. It's not even discipline. Discipline will be number two. But it's character and integrity. Can I believe in you? Are you going to lead me down the right path? Do you have my best interest at mine? Is following you safe or is following you going to harm me? Are you someone worthy of giving my servitude and my gifts and my talents too? Are you worthy of my friendship? Will you abuse it? Or do I know that you're loyal? Will you have my back? When you are in a room and the conversation about me turns negative? These are the things I want to know. When you are faced with hardship and your personal convictions are challenged, will you fudge on your convictions or will you do the right thing in the face of adversity and pressure? Those are the defining characteristics of person that I want to follow. Jesus was integrated. He said I and the Father are one. You will never see the Father doing one thing and the Son doing something else. You'll never hear Jesus say this and do that. He says, I only say what I see my father say, I only do what I see my father do. He was totally integrated. What his father did, what he did, what the Holy Spirit does, will never contradict each other. And Jesus will never contradict his Word and his Word will never contradict Jesus actions. He was a fully integrated, integrated person of character. So I give him my greatest loyalty because that's the kind of person I want to follow. Hallelujah. That makes me want to shout. Number two. Discipline. Discipline. This is a different list than what you thought and what you're going to get on a leadership podcast. Discipline. It is hard to follow a person who has various areas of their life that are just out of control. Discipline means controlling your appetites. As a man, I have many appetites. None of them are really wrong. But I could certainly fulfill those appetites in wrong ways. Okay. As a man, I have a sexual appetite. Well, God says, okay, here's where you fulfill it. It's in the confines of a covenant called marriage. You see what I'm talking about? Now, there's a myriad of ways for me to go about trying to fulfill that appetite. But the discipline version of Ron keeps it right where God wants it, within those boundaries, and he endeavors to discipline himself and build boundaries to where they do not go outside and those lines are not blurred. Okay. My wife has many times said, and I love it when she compliments me, there's nothing like the compliment that comes from my wife. I would rather have her compliment than all of yours. Thank you for yours. Everybody loves a compliment, but she lives with me. It's hard to hide from the person who lives with you. And for her to say that, it's very meaningful to me. I'm not the most disciplined person in the world, but I understand that as a person of discipline. Stay with me. There are things that I can't do that are not morally wrong, but they're wrong for me. Okay. There are tables I sit down at late at night after a conference, and I see what everybody's eating, and I say, just bring me some of that salad over there with some of that balsamic dressing. Do I want that gravy? Do I want that fried chicken? Do I want that macaroni and cheese with 12 pounds of cheese on the inside of it and 15 sticks of butter? Do I want the pineapple upside down cake and the hot fudge cake with the Side scoop of vanilla. You gonna run off and go eat and shut this podcast off? Those things happen to me all the time and they do it out of honor and because they love me. But I can't eat that. Is it a sin? Probably not. But for how long I want to live and how the pace I have to go, there is a health that I have to have, which means there are lines that I can't cross. What is that seen as? He's disciplined. This year I will get into my late 50s as a person and I have weeks where I work 70 and 80 hour weeks and hopefully do it at a high level with a lot of energy. How is that sustained? There is a discipline and a regimen in my life that I do not defy. It's working out. If I'm in Europe, I'm working out. If I'm in Africa, I'm working out. If I'm at my house, I'm working out. If I'm in a hotel, I'm working out. I'm going to work out. I have to push my body to be able to meet the demands that I'm placing on it in life. So therefore I have a set of disciplines. Would I rather sit in the hotel room on the couch and eat a bag of Doritos and watch tv? You doggone straight. I would rather, but I do not give in to that appetite. Do you see what I'm talking about? There are conversations that I can't have, there are foolishness that I can't be around. There are places I was with somebody a while back that was a business person, okay, listen, these are good people. But they invited us out to eat and going out to eat, it was an atmosphere that was really, really clubbish. I mean, really clubbish. There was a lot of very risque dressed women, almost scantily dressed. The atmosphere, the culture of the room was one where I was extremely uncomfortable. And after trying to not be rude, I told Hope. I said, I can't stay in here, I can't be here. Was it morally wrong? I don't know. But Ron couldn't do it. Why? For who I am and what God's called me to do, I have to maintain this discipline that there are some environments that are just not conducive to the call of God on my life. And if things went down there that I have nothing to do with just because I was there, I would get associated with it. And that's going through my head. So what I have to do, I have to discipline myself and remove myself from that atmosphere. I salvaged the relationship, but I had to let the people understand. This is why I can't be here. I'm saying a person of discipline, not given to out of control appetites. Do you have appetites that want to sabotage your future and the purpose of God on your life? You have got to reign those appetites in. What is that word called when you do that? It's called discipline. It's called being disciplined. Discipline is not doing what's fun. Discipline is doing what's hard because it's better. So the kind of person I want to follow is a person of character and integrity. And number two, these are the things I value most and someone I would want to follow. Secondly, as someone that I know they're disciplined, do they have it all down pat? No. But as I look over the scope of their life, they're managing the appetites of life well. That's what I'm talking about, not perfection. But they seem to manage well. And there don't seem to be any area of their life that is out of control. And they're given to the train coming off the tracks. Third and last. I got about seven minutes before our half hour is up. I talk about character and I talk about integrity. I kind of talk about those interchangeably as one. And then I talk about somebody, you know, basically who is disciplined and has reigned in their appetites. But thirdly, a person of passion. If you want me to get excited about something, for God's sake, get excited about it yourself. I help me not to be mad. Some of you and pastors that just like to get up and talk. I really wish you would get excited about your God. Your God is not boring. Your God is powerful. Your God is gaudy. What you want on your finger, he paves roads with it. He couldn't even get his robe in the temple. It wouldn't fit the thing you're trying to buy your wife to hang around her neck some pearls. He builds gates out of it. Your God is lavish. Your God is decadent. Your God is alive. Your God is miraculous. Your God in many ways is eccentric and he is far from boring. But as we represent him in the earth, we just kind of go about it in this even keeled way. And we don't get too low and we don't get too high. And I want to. I want to follow a person of passion. I want to follow a person who feels what they're saying. I want to know when you're speaking about it that you Believe down to your bones what you are saying. I want you to speak with such passion and such conviction that it moves me. Even if previously, before I heard you, I didn't care anything about your topic or care anything about the thing that you're talking about. I want you to be passionate enough that your passion stirs me if I don't have any. And most of the time we think about motivating people, we talk about inspiring people. If you are a person of passion, motivation and inspiration of others comes automatically. You don't have to walk into a room and inspire it. You don't have to walk into a room and motivate it. The sheer passion by which you approach every room, every person, every day and get up and approach life with is infectious and motivational and inspirational to everybody that is within reach of you. And I do want somebody to have character, first and foremost. That's most important to me. I want to know that I can trust you. I want to know that I can believe in you. And I want to know that you're going to do what you said you was going to do. Secondly, I want to know that you're disciplined and in most of the areas of your life, you've got your appetites reined in pretty tight. But thirdly, I want to know that you deeply, deeply feel what it is you're trying to sell me. Even God says, whatsoever things you desire, pray, believe that you have received. In other words, God said, we talk about believing that you have received, but God said, if you don't desire it, don't bring it to me. He says, if it don't mean anything to you, why should it mean anything to me? In Malachi 1, God tells him, says, you are bringing me the weak lambs, the sick lambs, the three legged lambs, the blind lambs. No, he wanted the spotless lambs. He wants the first fruits, he wants the tithe. He wants the best. He wants the best of what you got. They are bringing in the worst. And God looked at the preacher, if you would just shut the doors, he said, because as long as you're bringing stuff that don't mean anything to you, why should it mean anything to me? Shut the whole thing down because it's meaningless. And I'm getting animated here. Why? Because I'm passionate about passion. And there are times where you have to go and rekindle your passion. There are times where you have to remove yourself and go and take a break to rejuvenate your passion, rejuvenate your youth, rejuvenate your strength. Those are all things. You've got to learn how to manage it. You've got to learn what depletes you. You've got to learn what replenishes you, and you got to learn to try to bring some type of balance to that. But the long and short of it is, if it doesn't move you, how do you expect it to move me? Don't tell me your testimony of Jesus in a boring fashion. If he's changed your life, talk to me like he's changed your life. The reason I get up and say, why are you so animated on Sunday? Is because I believe so deeply in what I'm about to say. It's not a switch that I turn on and say, all right, I got to go get in front of people. I got to be excited. That's not it. In fact, a lot of times I try to dial that down and say, all right, let me just teach. Let me just talk. And I can't do it because I get so enthusiastic about what is coming out of me that all of a sudden I'm acting like a crazy man all over the front of the church. And what happens? Motivation and inspiration takes part, and you see it bouncing all over the church. Why? Because a person of passion has that effect on a crowd. You don't even have to intentionally inspire or intentionally motivate. It comes reproductive off the passion that is within you. What kind of person do you want to follow? I want them to have character and integrity. I want them to be a person of great discipline. I want to be a person of great passion. There's a lot of other things I could do and smaller elements to fill in the blank, but the fact is, these are the three outliers that mean so much to me. Take this and do what you can with it. Subscribe like it. Share it with somebody. Send them a text, send them a link, do whatever you got to do, because it certainly helps us out, and it makes people like fabric want to come on here, and it makes them be clients, which means we can do what we do more and we can do what we do better. So it all is cyclical and has a reciprocal process to it. You can help us out just by hitting a button and getting involved. Listen, I love you guys. And this is Ron Carpenter. Real raw and relevant. Hope will be back with me next time. And you get to see the pretty face, and you get to see the bubbly personality. And she is such my better half. And I miss her when she's gone, but I've tried to take advantage of these two. I hope that you have enjoyed last week's and this week's as I've really tackled two topics that were dear to my heart and hopefully they've aided you in some type of way. So until next time, it's Ron and hopefully unfiltered, real raw and relevant. We love you guys. I'll see you real soon.