Choosing Your Circle Wisely | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign.

Hello, everybody. It's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered. We are so glad you're here. Ron's coughing, doing his normal thing, his cough drops. Lifesavers. But we are so glad that you are here today.

I just ate chipotle. I need a lifesaver right now.

Oh, do you? You got some stank breath.

No, it's just good that there's distance.

Between peppers and onions. That's bad.

I did floss, but I didn't get the brush. But, you know, I'm a floss guy. Yeah, I floss like three times a day.

You do have oral pain.

Yeah, I'm a hygiene guy. You.

Oh, my gosh, Ron, I washed my hair today.

There's times it can be. Would you say questionable would be the word?

No. Questionable to you maybe, but I'm fine.

Sometime I ask you, are you gonna wash your hair?

Yeah.

And sometime I ask you, are you gonna put any lotion on your feet? Oh, my God. You put them in my lap and it takes a layer of my skin off. I like. You gonna put some lotion on these.

Okay.

I got you like my swag today?

I do. You look really cute with your Carolina sweatshirt on you. Like a little collar.

That's my jeans, though. My jeans are baggies.

And somebody made you those tennis shoes.

I don't think they can see my tennis shoes, but I got redemption tennis shoes on.

They're Nikes and they had them customized.

Somebody who works for Gucci. At a church I ministered at, they took these Nikes and personally handed them hand painted out for me. And I've only worn them like two times, but I just love them. They look cute today. So I don't know if they can even see them on the thing, but I got on redemption Nikes today.

I love it.

The one and only pair. Think they can sell for redemption merch. Nikes.

We sell redemption merch.

No, Nike redemption merch.

Oh, well, for the right price, I.

Wonder if I could get Nike to do a collaboration with redemption.

Oh, Nike. You hear that?

You know, kind of like the off white thing. If I could do a redemption. Yeah, off red. That'd be it.

Be cool, wouldn't it?

Off redemption Nikes. We need to get serious, though.

Yeah, let's get serious. You know, Ron, what we're going to talk about today is so important for everybody. It really is. I remember my mom and my grandma growing up. I mean, they would always use these little southern colloquially colloquialism localisms. It's a hard word, but they don't.

Judge you and you mess up words.

Go ahead anyhow. And they would say birds of a feather. Birds of a feather flower flock together. One of them would say, you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas. And the whole premise is who you run with, you become. And you know, I used to roll my eyes at that. I'm like, oh, that is so ridiculous. Just because they do this or that doesn't mean I'm going to do this or that. But, you know, the longer I've lived, the more influence is profound, you know, has come to.

Influence is profound. This is what I tell people. I got a lot I could share here. We're going to talk about how to choose your circle wisely. I know a lot of people that are. That are half the person they could be.

Yeah.

Because of the relationships they refuse to break. I know person that destiny has been sabotaged and forfeited because they will not align properly with people they need to. And that is very hard as a leader of people. A guy who spends his life investing and maturing people. You know, Paul said, I labor till Christ be formed in you. That's kind of my mission statement. I want Christ to be formed in people. I'm a discipler. And to see people throw away everything. So much potential to run with folk who cannot see their future.

No. And who are going nowhere.

And I've always said it like this. Sometimes we, you know, we have some real relationship voids in these new generations. It's amazing. We have more ways to communicate than ever in history. And we're lonelier and communicate. And we're socially awkward more than we've ever been. People don't know how to do this.

No. They sit down and talk.

They break up four year relationships over a text.

Right.

I mean, it just, it blows my mind I say that to say this, you know. Well, I don't know if I want to jump all the way in that. It's kind of going in deep waters right out of the gate. Most people hope are seasonal. Most people are not lifelong relationships. We have got to be keenly aware of who God has brought into my life for a time.

Yeah. And for what reason and who God.

Has brought in my life to go the distance. In our ministry, we have a lot of people committed to the church. Big circle. We have a lot of people committed to the vision. Big circle, but a little bit smaller. But then there's some people that say, wherever you go, I'm going. They're committed to us.

Right. As people as their leader, very small circle.

Do you see what I'm talking about? And those people right there. It is a choice. You don't just end up with those people. It is a conscious choice that you make. I don't think that you throw people away. I don't like the corporate model where people are expendable for achievement. I don't believe in that. That's not what we're preaching. However, if God has a great destiny on your life, the environment that you function in will have everything to do with how you grow. What have I always said? You can't grow the orange tree in Wisconsin. Nothing wrong with the tree. It's not the right environment. What is environment? Friends, relationships, people. That's your environment. You take the orange tree, put it in Florida or California, it'll be an orange grove. First place we lived in California, big old orange trees. Because of the environment was conducive.

The environment brings out what's there to potential.

The potential that is there. And so there are a lot of folks that are intimate with people that have no ability for their full potential to be released in that setting.

Yeah, because they have created such soul ties with those people. That's not sexual. I'm talking about bonds, bonds.

Unhealthy bonds.

Unhealthy bonds. They've created some of memories, what they call it codependent.

Codependent.

They've created memories, they've shared so much time, they've spent so much time in the club. They've got laughter and memories and their trying to live for God now. And they can't leave when their boyfriend.

Broke up with them and they can't.

Leave this person because they've got so much history. But it's not healthy history for where they're going.

It's at the expense of destiny.

It is. That is.

It's history at the expense of destiny. And so I do want to tell you because this will come into play. I love and I love deeply. But when it comes to a lot of stuff and things in history, I'm not very sentimental. I'm not the most sentimental guy. I'm very sentimental, like about you and about us and about my family. I really love my church and those are the things that'll get me emotional. But you know, I don't sit and show pictures of my first car.

Oh, yes you do.

No, I don't.

Was it the one you to me?

Wait a minute. The one you was laying on the hood on and I took the picture.

Ron and Ronald.

Yeah, that one in the 80s when you was copying that 80s video.

Yeah. And that hair out here, that big old white one.

I had a black 280ZX when we met. What was I doing? White suit, picture on the hood of my car.

White snake.

So anyway, I wish I still had that picture. I'd put that over my bed.

I wish you still had that car.

But anyway, getting to some part of this that can really be helpful to the people with this relational void. Much of it which has come out of broken down homes. People are so needy for relationship that they're not picky.

They don't scrutinize.

They will, they will forfeit a lot of things just to belong.

Yeah. Just to get some attention, just to.

Get somebody, just to be accepted. And that is what I see going on almost, Almost subconscious even in the dating world. Yeah. I need to be with somebody. I need to be with somebody. And this because I don't think they really like who they are when they're alone. And if you're around, if you don't.

Have their own thoughts.

Yeah. If you're around somebody all the time, you don't have to deal with your own thoughts. I don't know if you deal with that in your book or not, but I know you've talked about that a lot of times when you were in your times of real struggle, you wanted to immerse yourself in people. Why? Because your own thoughts were too painful and you didn't want to confront the stuff that you knew you had to confront when you looked in the mirror. And so what do you do? Just stay around stuff all the time.

And happy stuff, fun stuff and not having to deal with richness.

I want to have fun. And the fact is much of life is not fun at all. And so we get nine to five. We're getting ready, we're getting ready to jump into some stuff. But before I do, we got some amazing sponsors. Don't tune us out when we go to our sponsors, man. This is how we do what we do. So we want you to use our promo codes and go make them successful because they are the people that help make us successful. Great quality and they're great quality products, most of which we use in our own personal life. So tell them who our sponsors are.

This show today is sponsored by Better Help. And I love Better Help because they are here for you. And I love the whole concept of online. It's personal.

Personal, but private.

Yes, personal and private. And you know, every one of us, sometime in our life needs somebody to talk to.

We have blind spots.

Yeah, we do.

And we can't smell our own stink. And that right there. I used to think hope that counsel was for maybe the weak of mine or weak of heart because of what I came from. You did everything at an altar service. But now, being 55 years old and what we and our family have come through, if there hadn't have been people that brought us counsel, those difficulties, those steps would have been difficult.

It really is so, so healthy. So, and especially right now during the holiday season, you know, a lot of people struggle with, you know, being alone, not having enough money, and they get the holiday blues. We did a whole podcast on that. But, you know, it is so hard to know how to take those thoughts and appropriate them and get help. And so I'm so thankful for better help. This time of year can be a lot for people, and it's natural to feel some sadness or anxiety about it. But adding something new and positive to your life can counteract some of those feelings. Therapy can be a bright spot amid all the stress and change. Something to look forward to, to make you feel grounded, to give you the tools to manage everything that's going on in your life.

Therapy is helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries. That's big, and it empowers you to be the best version of yourself. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. It's really for everyone. And if you're thinking, if you're thinking about starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

So find your bright spot this season with better help. Visit betterhelp.com ronanhope today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com ronandhope like, subscribe and then when.

You go to all of these vendors, I want you to go to them and put in the promo code because they've been generous to us and it helps us get what we do to you.

I want to read a scripture. Proverbs 13:20 says, he that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools will be destroyed.

Will be destroyed.

Wow. So it does matter. Oh, yes, it does matter.

So the biggest so. And let's say there's 10 real challenges to this. You know, choosing your circle wisely. For Ron Carpenter, not Google. I didn't get this in anybody's book. Number one that I've witnessed as a guy who works with people for 33 years of his life is the inability to walk away from good people, bad people. Once you make the decision, I'm going to do something good with my life, you can usually spot the bad ones and walk out of that pretty easy. If you don't want to do drugs anymore, you leave the drug dealer. Okay, that kind of is what it is.

But it is still hard for people to break those ties. Ties with people that they used to quote, unquote.

Even if they, even if they were.

Bad influence, even if you know it's a bad influence influence in your life and especially if you live in the same town, live in the same neighborhood. Those are hard things to. I mean, you have to be really mature and the help of the Lord to know, you know, there's more for me ahead than there is for me in my rearview mirror. And I am willing because the prize of what's there, the prize of what's next is worth whatever I would lose right here.

To leave it there's sometimes. Okay, let me back up. Write the vision down. Make it plain that they who read it may run with it. So if you have something for your life, God has given you that you know you are to pursue. Destiny, purpose, assignment, it falls into many categories. But this is where I believe God is taking me. So I put my efforts in this direction. Okay, now your circle knows who you were, your circle knows who you are. Can your circle embrace who you're becoming? That's what we tell people in marriage, premarital counseling. It's not can I love 18 year old hope? 18 year old hope excited me and wowed me and blew me away and turned me upside down and made me feel. It's not that. Can I love 55 year old hope?

18 year old hope had lots of energy.

Can I love, can I love 9 month pregnant hope? Can I love menopause hope?

55 year old hope sometime has plant.

She does pretty good.

She does pretty good.

She does pretty good. You know, Can I love, Can I love the hope that's on top of the world? Can I love the hope that is scratching the bottom full way up? Can I love the hope who everything's going for? Can I love the hope who feels like nothing's going for? You know, those are the long term relationships and I had to decide, do I love who you were? I knew your story. Do I love who you are and can I love who you're going to Become wherever that is that God takes you.

And that's a whole other type of commitment is this marital relationship, but just the people in your life.

But there's some par. Parallels. There's some parallels. Now, if you are going to be wise by your companions, the companions have to be chosen. Okay. Now, I have to love you by the command of God, but I do not have to be your best friend.

Right. I don't have to run with you.

You had no choice about your family. I have all the choice in the world about my friends. So what are we talking about here? You're talking about loving and not loving people? No, we love everybody as Christians. But you don't run with everybody.

Right.

We're talking about the people you have chosen in life, the people you meet to be co pilot, to be sidecars. Exactly. Right.

On vacation with.

These are the relationships that are so important because they're having a profound effect on you, whether you know it or not. This is pictured the best. Leaving something good. This is so hard to me with Jesus and John the Baptist. I used to give this illustration to pastors all the time who couldn't make some hard decisions that would ultimately launch their church. But it was very hard. They had to make two or three really hard decisions. And some of them, they just couldn't do it. John the Baptist pointed Jesus out. They were cousins. John the Baptist had all the crowds. He was the man. Jesus came on the scene. He said, behold, here's the lamb that takes away the sin of the world. I must decrease, he must increase. He told everybody, I, I am preparing you for him. I'm not him. I was getting you ready for him. Now I got to kind of fade into the background. He's got to move forward. John the Baptist and Jesus were friends all the way back to Mary and Elizabeth in the Christmas story. Their babies leaping in their womb. They had this tight connection. Okay. These were not. This was not a random relationship. They, inside their mother's womb, acknowledged each other. That's powerful. That's powerful connection. Now John the Baptist has been captured and he's in prison. He's going to be beheaded. And Jesus has not paid him a visit. Why? Because they're in a different season. Jesus has the crowds.

Yeah. His ministry is taken off.

John the Baptist right now is a nobody. And in the prisons, like John, who? Okay, Jesus, you know, he can't go anywhere without a crowd. So John told his disciples, go ask Jesus, is he the one or do I look for another? This is the same man who told Everybody who he was, behold, yes. And then the same man who told the whole world this is him, is asking his guys to go ask Jesus, are you him?

Yeah.

Okay. And Jesus said, the lame walk, the blind see, the deaf hear. And I told people in church, that's where everybody starts shouting, sit down and let me finish. And blessed is he who is not offended because of me. John is wanting me to function in this relationship like I used to. Like I used to. I am at a different place. Tell him blessed is the man who doesn't get offended the way I'm running my life. Because the relationship has to shift. He wants me to come and I'm not coming. John is not a bad person. John was a prophetic forerunner, foretelling of the coming of the Messiah and the kingdom of God was at hand. This is a powerful guy. But he could not shift. And so Jesus can keep the relationship intact and cease to be Jesus.

Yeah.

Or he can move forward in the will of the Father and what he was born to do.

Destiny.

And he could look at the relationship. I love you, but I'm not that anymore. I have to break this relationship to move forward.

His call and his destiny required him to let go of relationships and so will I.

And I can, I can see people right now. Because as we're talking, the face is popping up in their head.

Yeah.

And they're like, oh, we all know.

Who we're supposed to let go of.

But they've been so good to me. And when I was, blah, blah, blah, they helped. They paid my rent for three months when I was going through my divorce.

We went to college together.

Yeah. And she was there when my mother passed. And we. I know all that. I'm not saying throw them away. I'm saying can they run with who you're going to be? And if not, you have to put that relationship. I didn't say toss it. You have to put it in its proper location. That's where the Shipwrecked thing came in. I talked about the levels. You know, you've got people you meet, you've got people that are acquaintances. You got people that may be work related friends, you got people that are friends. You got, you got all these circles. There's some people you're trying to make in an inner circle that need to be way out on the peripheral. And you got some people probably out on the peripheral that would really be a great inner circle person.

That's that series you did called Shipwrecked. And it was all about relationships.

The relationships being Shipwrecked. What I was talking about is having people in the wrong category.

Yeah. And we have a friend who started following US years ago, 10 years ago, when she had a bad relationship.

Bad relationship. Went real bad.

Her name is Bridget. She's an influencer. And she started following you when her relationship went bad. And somebody gave her a set of your teaching tapes on Shipwrecked. And she said it revolutionized.

She said she's memorized it.

She said she's memorized it. And it has helped her, she said, navigate and get her back on track with her relationship with God. And now she was able to release that relationship, and now God has blessed her with an amazing man. We just married wonderful marriage this past August. And it's so true. If you understand relationships in our life, most of them are seasonal. I can count on one hand probably the people at 55 years old that I've had in my life for the.

Long haul, easy on one hand. For the long haul, easy on one hand.

And you know, people bring out people will bring another way to test if these.

Oh, I know where you're going to test.

You know, your circle. Your circle. If this is if they're supposed to be in my circle. People bring out the best in you or the worst in you. You know, people bring out certain things in you, and you have to evaluate what those people in your life. If they are bringing out the best in you, you keep them. But if they are bringing out the worst in you, your proclivities, sin. Sin cycles getting you to act in certain ways.

History, who you used to be. Yeah.

And that's not in accordance to who God says you are. You gotta chunk em. It's gonna be tough. It might be painful, but you have to do it if you wanna be everything God has called you to be.

No hope. I tell this story a lot of times, and here, again, I don't know where I've told what if this is repetitive on the podcast, I apologize. When I got saved, I had some friends that were my inner circle from kindergarten to graduation. And those guys were special to me. We had good times. They weren't bad friends. I mean, we did good things together. And for the most part, Those relationships were 75, probably 80% healthy. We played ball together, we went to war together. I mean, we, you know, practices together, bus rides together, vacations together. Maybe 20% mischief, but 80% of it was wholesome. But I knew when I said yes to ministry, not yes to Jesus. Yes, I will take all of my plans and lay Them down because I accept yours, because I believe it's greater. When I accepted the call into the ministry, I called them and asked them to meet me. It was a painful night, dread all the way there because they were good people. And I went and told them, I won't be seeing you much anymore. And my wife.

They were good people, but they weren't on your track at that time.

Oh, no, no. I would never be here doing this if that was my inner circle. Yeah, never. So I called them. I met them at a mall, in a food court and told him. I said, I've gotten saved. But not just that, you know, my daddy's a minister. I've accepted that. That is also going to be my pathway. I forget exactly how I put it. And I remember not really mocking, but they busted out laughing.

It was probably so different from anything.

That ever experienced you, though. We chase girls together. I mean, we drank together. You know, the mischief stuff.

Yes.

You know, the pranks and all the stuff we did. We got in trouble. We got in trouble together. Yes. You know, we got driving the track. We got arrested together at Myrtle beach, you know, and so them seeing me in that framework, after years of hearing me talking at night, sitting on a tailgate outside a pond. I don't want to do what my daddy does. I don't want to do what my daddy does. I love my daddy, but I don't want to do it. And then I went back and said, by the way, I'm going to do exactly what my dad does.

So you knew who you had to let go so that you could move forward in your life.

And I left that night. And I remember the emptiness. And let me tell you something now I got to tell the reality of this. When you walk away from one group, the next group is not waiting on you. There was a season there of trying.

To figure out what you was like.

And so I got around Christian people and I felt like a fish out of water because I was not Mr. Christian. But then I went to a Christian. I was at a Christian school. And so, you know, I got around people who worshiped. I got around people who were doing Bible studies that was never done. That was odd to me.

Yeah.

And so I'm sitting in there.

Okay.

But you know, that's where the Bible says, put on the Lord Jesus. There is a season where you don't put him on. It's almost like a put on.

Yeah.

It don't feel real. It feels like it's something that you put on. And I had to Cultivate and be intentional about cultivating new relationships. New relationships that would inspire challenge. And challenge my walk with God.

Yep. And call you higher.

And they. I remember that was not an easy transition for me. It was my freshman year in college. That was a weird year. It was a year of walking out of and a year of walking into. And by the time you got there, my second year, I was kind of feeling my way out. But if.

But you have to be brave. You really do have to be brave.

It was lonely. It took a lot of guts, I think, to do what I did and then to put yourself in rooms that a year beforehand you wouldn't have cared nothing about being in. But, you know, I need to be here. It is good for me that I be here. Second thing I want to talk about. I saw you pointing to my phone. I got several things written down. Qualify people. I preach this all the time. You have every right to qualify people who you give access. It concerns me about people that get so familiar so quick, you got to test them.

When he says qualify, it's almost like you test them.

Absolutely.

You have to resist them.

John, chapter 12.

Let's see what's in them.

Jesus said, unless a seed fall to the ground and die, remain alone. But if it dies, it becomes many seeds. What does the soil do? The soil resists the seed. And then the life that is within the shell comes out of the shell and it begins to surface. I don't think you know what is really in somebody until you have resisted them. You have to become the soil. They are the seed. And you have to give it some time before you can see what really comes to the surface. Because I don't believe anybody first shows you who they really are. They show you their rep.

So you got to give it some time to prove what it really is. So that's true. You got to qualify people.

The third thing people need to know is you're not going to bat a thousand on this.

No.

And I've always said, if Jesus couldn't get Judas out of his circle, how you think you're going to get all yours out? Look, if Jesus lost a third of heaven, how are we going to keep everybody?

Right? Right.

I mean, you see what I'm talking about.

Everybody can't run.

Some people, they just want everybody to go. Everybody can't go.

Everybody to love them.

Everybody can't go. Let me give you another example of this. My destiny, I had. I don't want to name the name. He's going to be with the Lord now Had a very profound revelator from which I have gathered much of the knowledge that I carry to this day about Jesus and his kingdom. Drove, excuse me, had somebody drive him because he was up in age, about four hours to my campus. Never got out of the car. Sent word that he was out there, asked for me to come out, rolled down the window and had a notebook. It was his notes on the kingdom of God, very theologically revolutionary. He handed me the notebook and when I went to get it, he didn't let go of it. It's kind of, I'm like. And he looked at me, said, everybody can't go. So even in my ministry, this right here is going to take me here and it's going to leave some, even.

Even the message that you preach well. He said, everybody can't go well. You know, Jesus talks about some seed falls here, some seed falls here, and there's four areas that the seed falls.

Out, about one out of four and.

You only get one. 25% of the people hearing the message is going to receive it and it's going to grow and produce. It's crazy.

And I remember there were people when I really started preaching the kingdom pastor, we just kind of, you know, that just kind of ain't. And people that I loved, people that I cared about, people that I invested in greatly, they just kind of fell by the wayside. But the main thing is finding people who can love who you are becoming and who can love where you're going.

And who are going to pull out and celebrate. You pull out the best in you and celebrate God's best for you. You know, you run with the wise what become wise, you become wise. But a companion, a fool is destroyed. Is destroyed. Listen, we've got some great things to offer you. We're not perfect people. We don't know everything. But in this season of our life, we have chosen to take it and to pour into people who want what we have. I would love for you to be a part of my inner circle. It's a mentorship ministry. It's called Hopes Inner circle. Go to hopes inner circle.com to I will send you my brand new study guide to the most beautiful disaster. The book that came out in 2021. I'll send you the brand new study guide for free. And you get the first month on a trial basis. Come on, it's not going to hurt you to try it. We have a group of hundreds and hundreds of people all across America who are in the inner circle. We're growing together. I want to be a resource for you. So if you want to be a part of that, come join us.

She puts a lot of energy into that.

Yeah, I love it.

That's one of the things that really has her attention and her effort right now. And I can speak to that. And then I want to offer you the Vault, which is my life archive of teaching. You have to go through the Ron Carpenter app.

You go to Ron Carpenter, Ron Carpenter.

App, download the app, Ron Carpenter app. And when you do, it's available for you right there. It is a monthly subscription. It's not a contract. Do it when you want, quit when you want. But everything that I teach, if this content blesses you and you say, man, they sit there, they mention shipwreck, I would love to hear shipwreck.

It's in there.

It's all in there. And so we would love for you to have that. These are resources that we offer. These kind of things cost money to administrate, they cost money to do. And so we've done everything we can to make them as affordable as possible. But we think the content is revolutionary. And I've told people, I'll pay $1,000 all day to go somewhere and get a million dollar idea. Oh, absolutely, anytime. So there is no greater investment than the investment in your mind.

That's true.

Because as a man thinketh, so is he. Our time's up.

We love you guys so much. I want to see you in inner circle. Join today.

Remember, until next time, use your friends wisely. Until next time.

Rotten hope. Unfiltered. Real, raw, relevant.

See you guys.