Do's & Don'ts of Effective Communication - Part 1 - Pastor Hope Carpenter

Welcome. I am so excited that you decided to join us tonight. Wherever you're coming from, all over the world, Facebook Live, YouTube, however you got here, we are so glad that you are here. So press, share, press. Like, call all your friends, text your friends right now. Especially those friends who struggle with their mouth. I know. Not you, not you. Because, you know, you got it all together. But I know you have some of those friends. Or go get your husband or go get your wife. Oh, well, maybe just kind of nuts, her in there. You know, we. We're a little. A little more sensitive than others. I didn't say that. Yes, I did. We are. So go get everybody you can to hear this word because I think it's a very powerful word and it's a very practical word. It's about our tongue. It's about what we say. It's the do's and don'ts of communication, which is so important. You know, we got to do it God's way. Bottom line, we have to live our life God's way, the way that he says to do it. Not the way we think, not the way we feel, not the way we've been taught, not the way our grandma said do it. Not the way our church told us to do it, the way the word of God says to do it. If we want to get God's results, we've got to do it God's way. And that is my desire for you. That's my desire for me. That's my desire for every person listening who's tuned in, the people in this room, is that we live God's way so that we can get God's results. Right? Amen. So clearly, we do a lot of talking. Right? Right. We talk, talk, talk. And, you know, God designed us this way. He designed us to talk. He designed us to communicate. And everything that's here, everything that is, is because God spoke it into existence. He chose to speak. He could have done anything. He wanted to get the stars here, to get the fish here, to get us here, but he spoke it into existence. And then he said, you're created in my image. So therefore, we have that same power to create in our life, man. That's good news. That is good news. It's kind of scary news, but it's good news. And listen, statistics prove that we talk an average of 16,000 words a day. Man. We are running our mouth. I mean, you know, and people argue that women talk more than men and maybe a little more. There's. I read some this week where it said Women talk an average of 20 to 25,000. Boys, y' all be quiet right here. Be quiet. Words a minute. Words a day. And guys talk somewhere between 12 and 15. So I think that's why they. Yeah, that's why we got some issues going on up in the house, right? So. But they averaged them. So an average of 16,000 words a day. Listen, that's a lot of words. That's a whole bunch of talking going on. So listen, let's assume 75 years of talking, okay? Once we start talking, until we die. 75 years of talking time. 365 days, right? Times 16,000 words a day. 438 million words per life. Let that sink in a minute. They say if you talk for all the words you speak every five hours, you could write a novel. That's how many words are in a novel. And you know what? The truth is, we are writing the novel of our life every single day by what comes out of our mouth. It's powerful. It's powerful. Needless to say, that's a lot of talking. Listen, we talk more than we eat. We talk more than we clean. We talk more than we talk. Well, I'm not going to say that. We talk more than even than we pray. We talk more than we worship. We talk more than we drive. We talk more than we spend time with our children and our spouse. We talk all the time. We talk to our friends. We talk to our kids. We. We talk when we type, right? We talk in our mind. How many of you do that? I'm just so glad that people can't read our mind, right? We talk in our mind. So what we say matters. It really does matter what we say. And our words have power. And God gives strict instruction. He gives strict instruction on what to say, how to say it, when to say it, how much to say it. Thousands of books, thousands of articles are written. Conferences have been attended on the power of correct communication and the power of bad communication. How many of you ever even gone to a conference on communication or read a book on communication? The power. Yes, absolutely. God's word gives you clear instruction on communication and how to do it his way. We evaluate people's tone right, when you're communicating with one another. We evaluate their face, their body motion, their tone, their style, their quickness, their humor, their ability to listen, their ability not to listen, how they talk. We say this, we say, oh, man, they're just rude, right? They're loud, they're blunt, they're soft spoken, or they hold it all in or why does she always explode? She's just negative. He's critical. And we evaluate the person by the things that they say. Oh, my goodness. What about this one? Well, I'm just being real. I'm just keeping it 100, Pastor. No, you just. Rude. Truthfully. Really, you cannot excuse bad behavior and just say, I'm. I'm just being real. No, you're being rude. We have to do it God's way. Listen, I love the quote from Bambi. Those of you who have children or whoever watched any Disney movies, now, don't send me any bad letters. Disney's the devil. Okay, don't do that. I'm not going to read it. So the quote from Bambi says, if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. Thank you, Thumper. Come on now. Right, listen. Most of us would be silent all day if that's the case. We just need a muzzle on our mouth or some duct tape over our face. If you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all. James, one says this. It says, be quick to listen and slow to speak. Man, we got that backward. Quick to listen, slow to speak. We do the opposite. Why? Because we don't want to give up our right to be. Right? We think we know it all. It's got to be done our way. We want to say how we feel, and we want to give somebody a piece of our mind. Right? I feel it. I just feel it in the room already. Just our few little seven or eight of us in here. Just we drawing up, right? Quick to what? Listen? Slow speak. Say it again for the people in the back. Quick to listen, right? So what's coming out of your mouth? What's coming out of my mouth? What's coming out of our mouth? Think a minute. Think about it. Just think about today. Think about the conversations you've had. Think about the thoughts in your head about somebody or something evaluated. What's coming out of your mouth. Think about the last confrontation with your husband or your wife. Oh, oh. Eliana's going, mm, Mm. Last confrontation. What about with your boss or talking about a co worker? What about self talk? Mmm. What about self talk? What do you say to yourself about yourself, man, that's so important? What do you say to yourself about yourself? What about your kids? Your conversation with your kids? Do you even have one? Or do you just like, what, huh? Go play. Are you really even having meaningful conversation? Do you listen to them or do they have to go, mom, mom, mom, mom. Man, it's Convicting, I know. What about your husband? What about conversations about your future? Your pocketbook? Your bank account? Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. It's time to get real. Words are powerful. Scripture says in Proverbs 18:21, it says, There is power. There's power in your words. The power of life and death are in the tongue. And those who love it will eat the fruit of it. Power of life and death in your tongue. Listen, you can start a war with your mouth, and you can stop a war with your mouth. It's all up to you. It's all up to us. Have you ever said anything that started a riot? I have. Several times. Went viral. Yep. Sure have. Started a riot. But sometimes our words are so inadequate, they don't even represent what we mean. Have you ever done that? Have you ever said something and it didn't come out right? You didn't articulate it properly? Words can be a bit blah at times. I mean, they can't even explain what you're trying to say and what you're trying, what you're feeling. They're so inadequate. You can speak life and you can speak death out of the same mouth, the same mouth. You can build somebody up. You can tear somebody down out of the same mouth in the same day, in the same hour. Right here is Peter when he says, jesus, no, you can't go to the cross. You can't go be crucified. I'll lay down. I'll do it for you, right? And then just a few minutes later, he's over here saying something to Jesus. And Jesus had to rebuke him and said, get thee behind me, Satan, in a matter of moments. Power of life and death that we possess in our tongue. Your life is a reflection. This is hard. Now, listen. This is hard. Your life is a reflection of what you have spoken out of your mouth. We don't like it. We don't like that responsibility. Romans 10:8 says, the word of God is near you. The word of God is near you, in your mouth and in your heart. Now, this is important. We're going to bog down here, right here. The word of God is near you. It's in your mouth and it's in your heart. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. You and I just talked about this this past week, Eliani. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So you can try all day long. You can say, oh, I gotta tame my tongue. Gotta tame my tongue. Gotta tame my tongue. I can't speak Negative. I can't say those words anymore. But if it's in your heart, it's going to come out. So the focus is not necessarily trying to stop saying something and start saying something. The focus is our heart. Whoo. The good and the bad news is whatever's in your heart is going to come out of your mouth. And then whatever you speak is what you have. If you don't like what you have, then we've got to do a heart inventory. We got to dig in our heart to see why am I living like this? Why am I. Why do my finances look like this? Why does my marriage look like this? Why does my home sound like this? We gotta do a hard inventory. So you have to change your heart to change your mouth, to change your life. You have to change your heart to change your mouth, to change your life. So whatever you embrace, whatever you believe to be true in your heart, then you speak it, Then that's what you have. It's tough, I know. Just take your hand and spank yourself. Right? Listen, in everyone's life, there are things we don't like, correct? Yeah. In all of our life, I don't think there's no perfect man. The Bible even says that we're all on this upward journey called upward. We're not supposed to look like we looked like yesterday. Next week, we're supposed to look different than we look like today. There's no perfect place called there. There's no person who has fully attained this. But we're supposed to be on a journey of getting better and better and better and better. There are things in every one of our lives that we don't like. Right. Whether it's our rebellious kids or the issues in our marriage or our bank account or our job or our health or our cell, whatever it is, relationships, you feel stuck, whatever, on and on. You could list them. We're all have issue. We all have issues in our life we don't like and that we feel stuck, that we feel like need some help. So if you've embraced those things to be true about your health, you believe it in your heart, right? Diabetes is in my family line, so I've embraced diabetes. I have diabetes. Oh, y' all don't like me teaching like this. And then it comes out of your mouth on a daily basis. I am so sick of my job. I hate my job. I have no say, so I have no impact. Nobody listens to me. I'll never have enough money. Nobody ever went to college in my family. Nobody ever bought a home in my house. So it's just a lot. In our. In the Smith family, we were all alcoholics. My daddy was an alcoholic. My granddaddy was an alcoholic. And now my son's struggling with alcoholism. It's just a curse in our family. My back is killing me, really. Probably will. Probably will. See, that's not operating in faith at all. That's not doing life God's way. If you had it already to touch, if you could already attain it, if you already had the money in your bank account, if you already had your healing, you would not have to live by faith. And the Bible says the just shall live by faith. And without faith, it's impossible to please God. Y' all got me sitting down today. I should be up, running, stomping, jumping, like I normally do. Without faith. You gotta have something to believe for. You gotta have something to. You gotta see something that does not look like what the word says so that you can latch your teeth and latch your fingernails in the word of God and hold on even when the wind is blowing all around your home. Even when you don't have two nickels to rub together and take your family on a vacation. But you know that the word of God says that he's designed a life for you to live and to overcome and to flourish and to be blessed. I'm gonna play my own organ today. I'm exhausted. I'm always exhausted. You probably will be. What about this one? He's never going to change. Then he probably won't. Because you have what you say. You have what you say. All of this stuff about, you know, people who walk around and talk about the glass is half empty. I don't like to be around those people. Those people can't be my friend. Let's just say. I mean, if that's you, you probably will not be invited on the next trip. I don't like those people that. Always negative, always complaining. There's always a problem. Why don't you come up with a sol? Why don't you bring something positive to the table? That's the people that I want to be around, right? Jesus even said this about himself. He said, I will inhabit somebody who praises me. He is not coming to sit down in a negative conversation. He's not going to inhabit your trouble, your problems, your woe is me, he said, but if you will just praise me, he said, I'll come and sit down in the middle of you. Life is supposed to be celebrated, not tolerated. It's supposed to be lived to the fullest. It's not some mumbo jumbo pie in the sky hippie talk. I wasn't even born till 69, so I'm not a hippie, right? Jesus said in John 10:10, he said, the thief comes to steal, to kill and to destroy. He said, but this is why he said, I came that you might have life, and you might have it more abundantly than you had it before you met me. The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. But I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly. Whoa. Why do we doubt that he wants us to overflow? Why do we doubt that he wants us to be in health? The Bible says, it is my will that you prosper and you be in health, comma, even as your soul prospers. What is your soul? It's your mind, your will, your emotions, your intellect, your talk, your emotions. You can't be negative all the time, down all the time, depressed all the time, and expect to prosper and be in health. He said, it's my will that you prosper and that you be in health even as your soul prospers. Statistics have proven, science has proven bitterness, unforgiveness causes sickness, heart disease, high blood pressure. Where could you be in your body if you would just forgive somebody? How much medicine could you flush down the toilet? I'm about to get up and run on this stage if you would just be loving and kind. Well, that's good preaching. Well, thank you for being with us today. I'm just kidding. Jesus has already paid the price. The work's been done, right? He's paid the price, the work's been done. It's available. It's like, I've already cooked this big buffet for you and I've got it spread out on this table. It's available for you, but you've got to get up out of your seat, you got to walk to the table, you got to fix your own plate. It is good. There is a formula. There are do's and don'ts for the blessing of God to operate in your life. And it's what comes out of your mouth that is killing us. There's a formula for healthy living. This is my healthy living guru right here. This is my healthy living accountability friend right here. There is a formula for healthy living, right? You got to eat, right? You got to exercise, you got to take your vitamins, you got to get enough sleep, you got to drink plenty of water, you got to cut out the fat, you got to have self care time, right? So important. And if you don't have a healthy lifestyle. It's nobody's fault that you're not healthy except yours. You can't go through McDonald's, drive through every day and Bojangles every other day and Chick Fil a three days a week. You can't do that. Although I love me some McDonald's fries occasionally. I love some Bojangles biscuit a lot, but I don't go through it anymore. I mean, you can love those things, but there's got to be healthy boundaries. And it's the same way with our words. You can feel a certain way, but you've got to manage that. You've got to manage that emotion. You've got to know what to crucify on the cross. You got to know how to take your tongue and reel it back in and say, no, no, I will not say that. I will not say you're stupid, ugly and fat. I can't stand you. All those things. You can't do it. You can't look at your husband and say, you're such a selfish jerk. You might want to say it, but that's not God's way. That's not God's way to abundant life that he's already prepared for you and laid out on the table for you. Man, that's so good. It's available. It's available. Listen, I can hate my cellulite every single day, but if I'm not willing to do what it takes to get rid of it, it's nobody's fault but Hope's. All these little girls up here, half of them hadn't pushed out babies yet. And see, I love to use that excuse. Oh, she's only 24. She's never pushed out a baby yet. Right. But it's still my responsibility. What, I look like my own health. So first, you got to get in your heart. You got to get in your heart. You got to see why you're bitter. You got to see why you're angry. You got to see why you're critical. You got to see why you're so judgmental. You got to see why you're so just mean. Get that heart healed and then put the good stuff in it. God's word. And then start pouring out of that mouth, the good stuff. Then your life's going to line up with your mouth. Know what God's word says about a marriage? Know what God's word says about your finances? Say those things. Not what you see, not what you feel. Come on, y'. All. Today we got to do a Hard inventory. We got to do a hard inventory. Did you have a healthy, loving home where you were brought up with both parents or parents that didn't fight or drugs in your home that cared for you, supported you, comforted you, encouraged you, home that let you talk, home that let you vent? Or did you have a home that didn't let you talk and you had to sweep it under the rug and you had to play perfect all the time? Come on. Were you hurt? Were you raped? Were you abused? Were you abandoned? Were you raised in foster care? Did you have an abortion that left you angry and jaded and confused, feeling abandoned? What do abandoned people do? They retreat. And then when somebody comes toward them, what do they do? They lash out. That's what we do when we're hurt, unresolved hurt. We. We teach a class called Healing the Heart. And one of my favorite little sayings in Healing the Heart is if you've got a tone, that means you've got a stone. If you have that cock your head tone with people all the time, it means you got a hard heart. And what is a hard heart? It's an unresolved hurt. It's an unresolved pain. Come on. And if we don't deal with our heart, our lives will never change. Our lives will never change. Scripture tells us that you can hear the truth. You can listen to it. You can hear good preaching all the time. You can listen to it. That could be the only thing you listen to on YouTube is good preaching. You could attend the best church. Redemption. The best. Pastor. Pastor Ron. And if your heart, your ground isn't good, it won't penetrate into that heart. Oh, it's so good. That's so true. I'm going to send my own self an offering. That's those people who go to that great church, Redemption. But their lives never change. Why? Because they're heartsick. They're heartsick. They can't receive the Word because of the ground. Scripture tells us about the. The four types of ground. There's only one. There's only 25%. One out of four that that whole scripture says can receive the Word and it becomes fruitful. So that tells me that one out of four in this room, 1, 2, 3, 4, one of us is going to get it, the other three is not. Why? Because of the condition of our heart. Doctors will even tell you, don't run fast, don't run far, don't run hard if you've got a. What condition? A heart condition. Why? Because if you keep trying to do Life with a heart condition, it's going to kill you. Who? God wants us to flourish. He wants you to flourish. He wants you to prosper. He wants you to be in health to the degree that your heart and that your soul and that your mind prospers and flourishes. He's paid the price. He's already done the work. He's laid out the buffet. But we've got to make the necessary changes. We got to do the work. We got to do the heart inventory. We got to take out all the hurt and the bitterness and the pain that causes us to act and react the way that we do. Sacrifice, cut people off, press the delete button. It could be family. You could come from a toxic family who's nothing but negativity. You're going to have to cut it out. You're going to have to cut it off. Healthy boundaries for your health. You might have to turn the station on, the radio. You cannot walk in the abundance and the life of God with crap. I said it. Crap going in your ears, which is going in your heart. You say it's just music, it's just this. It's just, just 80s. It's just. It's just top 40. What goes in is what comes out. What goes in is what comes out. You got to make the necessary. You got to stop going through McDonald's, so to speak, because there is a blessed place waiting for you. It's there. You don't have to make it create. It's there. You just gotta line up with the word of God and I'll show you how in part two. I cannot wait for you to tune in next time. Hey there. Thank you so much for taking the time to be with us here tonight, today, wherever you are, all over the the world. We truly appreciate the investment of your time into the ministry of Hope. Carpenter Ministries. If these messages have been a blessing to you, why don't you hop on over to my YouTube channel, subscribe, be a subscriber, follow, like, share, and anything you can do. Listen, if you can get the word of God in your heart on a daily basis, it can never hurt you. It. It's always going to make you better. There's tons of messages on there that you're going to love that will empower you to be the best you that you can absolutely be. Because God wants you to live that life, a powerful life, an overcoming life that you've got to get the word of God in your heart also. If these messages have blessed your life in any way, would you consider sowing into this ministry so that we could continue to pay these bills and these techniques and these cameras and the time that it takes to make these videos and get them all over the world. I want to reach everybody that we can all over the world. And I need your help as a partner. If God lays it on your heart to help. Thank you so much. And you can find all the information on hopecarpenter.com God bless you. See you next time.