Fill My Cup Lord | Part 1 - Hope Carpenter

Hello there. Thank you so much for being with us tonight. Wherever you're tuning in from all over the world, whether it's Facebook Live, YouTube, I am so glad that you are here. I hope you're ready for some teaching tonight. It's going to be a little different, but it's going to be so good. This is going to be life changing teaching. So call somebody, share this. Let all your friends, let all your people know. Get online. Look at this. If you're on YouTube, share it. If you're on Facebook, share it. We're going to talk tonight about our emotional needs. The cups that are on the inside of us, how we are longing to have those filled, you know? Have you ever felt unloved? Yes. Have you ever? I have some wonderful people here on the set with me, some of my greatest friends. So they're going to cheer me on and they're going to help me teach. They just don't know it. So have you ever felt unloved? You know, just in general, not good enough, you know, not valued or not appreciated in whatever room you walk in, you just feel like, ugh, I just don't fit in here or I shouldn't be here. I'm not good enough. And we're going to talk about these cups on the inside of us and they're called emotional needs and how when they're unmet, how they affect our adult relationships. Unfortunately, they do, right? Have you found that in your life, your own life, that what you did or didn't get as a child really does affect how you live, how you operate, all of your relationships in your adult life? Why? Because love is our greatest need. Love is our greatest need. God is love. So. So he has. We are birthed into this world, searching and looking for God. We are looking for him. He is our source. You know, when, when a fish dies, it goes. It dies. It goes back to its source. You know, when, when a stalk of corn dies, it goes back to the ground. That's its source. Source. Our source is God. We were birthed from love. We were created in love. So when we come here on this earth, that's what we do. We are searching. We are wanting to be connected to our source. So love is our greatest need. And how do we learn love? We learn love in childhood. We learned. We learn how to receive. We learn how to give love in childhood. And this is the key. Love is supposed to flow. Love is supposed to flow. The Bible describes love like a river. It's just supposed to flow. And God's kind Of love. He says this. This is how I've loved you. Now you turn around and love others. I want. I've loved you unconditionally, he said, so I want you to love others unconditionally. Now, how many of us got unconditional love growing up? Oui. Well, sometimes. And if we did, sometimes, that still that. That tricks us. You know, as kids, we're like, oh, wait a minute. I felt this way yesterday. Why do I feel this way from you today? And, oh, man, I wish I'd had this teaching when I was having children, man, I've had to go back to my kids over and over and say, please forgive me. Please forgive me. I got it so wrong. Unconditional love is this. It's Jesus who had no sin, right? He paid the price for us. So it's the love of the higher, reaching to the lower, me and you, but elevating the lower above the higher. That's what unconditional love is. He loves us on our good days, he loves us the same on our bad days. He loves us when we get it right. He loves us when we don't get it right. His feelings and his compassion and his mercy and his grace. It never changes with my behavior, but how much love changed with our behavior growing up, what we felt, what we received. And, you know, bonding is a real thing. You know, bonding is real. And my first labor with Chase was 32 hours long. So when he finally arrived on the scene, Mama was worn out. You know, I'm done. I have nothing else to give right now. I just need a pizza and some sleep, basically, is how I felt. But I remember looking at him, and I'm like, my whole body, number one, was shaking. And they were like, do you want to hold him? And I was like, I can't right now. And I missed that bonding experience with him. And I just remember him laying there under that little warmer, just looking at me like little aliens, how they look when they first come out. And I didn't have that ooey gooey. I was just so tired. Had nothing to do with him. Had nothing to do with my love for him. But I was tired. My circumstances dictated. Dictated what I gave him. And how many times in life does our circumstances, our tiredness, our lack of money, our. Our. Our own emotional ability at that time, how often does that happen? In that what we feel and what we're going through so dictates what we give to the people that God has put in our life to love and steward? You know, they say when Men as boys don't bond. They normally can't feel what their wife is trying to convey. When their wife's going through something, they just have this disconnect because they did not bond with their mother. When women don't bond with their father, they usually don't trust men because they did not have that instant bonding. I trust you. I'm melting into you and you're melting into me. I know. You got me. So later in life, they have this disconnect where they don't trust men. So parents, when we do bond, you can actually feel that kid. You know what they're feeling, you know what they're thinking, you know what they're going through. When they come in the door, you're like, mmm, what's wrong? You know, or you're at home and they're off out on the weekend with their friends and you're like, hmm, something's just off right now. I, I wonder what's going on with, with that kid of mine, right? So this, this session together, we're going to talk about the first five emotional needs. And I wrote a whole chapter in my book, chapter two here on in the Most Beautiful Disaster. And I'm so excited. I just got these copies in yesterday. They come out on the market May 4th on in any retailer's Barnes and Noble, million, Target, Amazon, all those. You can pre order your copy go right now. It's going to help you so much. Get one for your friends. Get one for that other person you know that's jacked up, because I know you're not, but just that other friend of yours who needs some help. But I wrote a whole chapter in the book on emotional needs, and you know, it's called Back to the Beginning, because I really do believe that every adult problem is an unresolved child problem. I believe that because as children, that's where we're learning. That's where we're understanding our concept of the world. Not just the world, we're understanding our concept of God. And so we go into adulthood with all these holes, you know, on the inside of us and all these longings that nothing feels. You know, you can have 1500 Louis Vuitton purses and you still can feel so insignificant because it's not the purse. You can have those red bottom shoes, but you still feel like you don't feel fit in the room. See, we go into adulthood looking for all these things and, and all these things to fill the longings of our soul. Psalm 107 says, Only Jesus can satisfy the longings of our soul. But we go into adulthood searching, searching. Is it a man? Is it a woman? Is it a car? Is it another car? You men, boys in their toys. Goodness gracious. I mean, we go look, you know, maybe it's the next neighborhood. Oh, if I could just live in that neighborhood. Oh, if my curtains could just match my couch. You know, all these things we feel like validate us and make us special and make us wonderful and appreciated and accepted and Affirmed. No. Psalm 107. Only Jesus can satisfy the longings of your what? Of your soul, your emotions. Oh, so good. So acceptance. Let's talk about acceptance. The need to be loved for who you are, just for who you are, not who they want you to be. Not who your brother was. You know, my brother's five years older than me and he was so smart. I'm just one of those who just, you know, could read it one time and knew it and made straight A's and just very book smart. Me on the other hand, you know, I was your average student. I made A's, B's and lots of C's, but you know, C's get degrees. Hallelujah. So here we are. My brother was so smart. But growing up in our little small town, everybody went to school together. From K5 till you graduated, you were in the same class. You only had one first grade class, you only had one second. I mean little bitty town. So everybody knew everybody. So all these teachers had had my brother. And then here I come and they're like, I remember my third grade teacher said to me, why can't you be smart like your brother, man? Ouch. What that does to a little eight year old, nine year old heart. So you're immediately told you're not as good as him. So acceptance is our need. It's the cup on the inside of us. It's the need to be loved just for who we are. God created us so unique and so special and so individual. You know, there's nobody like you. There is nobody else like you on this earth. God made you with a purpose and a plan and a destiny that only you can fulfill. And here we are striving, wanting to be like this person and that person. Oh, if I could just look like her. No, no, no, no, no, no. You are loved and accepted just for who you are. And here's the key. When we don't get unconditional love in the area of acceptance, it's usually we are loved for what we do versus who we are, what you do. Versus who you are. Acceptance is the need to know that you are loved, to be completely accepted regardless of. Regardless of your mistakes and failures. Regardless of your mistakes and failures as a child, were you accepted regardless of your mistakes and failures, were you accepted regardless of your differences from your parents or your siblings, were you accepted for who you were and not for what you did? Because see, when we feel like we have to do that puts us on this treadmill of performing. We feel like I just can't be me. So I've got to perform and I've got to work and I've got to work and I've got to work to make you love me. And it's never, ever satisfied, that longing. When you're working, working, working, doing, doing, doing, it's never going satisfied. You're never going to do enough. It's never going to be good enough. Because that is not how Jesus loves you. Not for what you do, but for who you are. That's why our soul continues to long, because it's never satisfied. Man, this is good. As an adult, here's the evidence that this need was not met. Are you ready? Performing, performance, orientation. You always feel like you got to perform. You're never at rest. Workaholic, you're going to do it bigger than everybody else. You're going to do it better than everybody else. Why? Because you're looking for that pat on the back. You're looking for that. Oh, you were so good today, Pastor Matt. You were so good today. That sermon was the best sermon I've ever heard in my life. Trying to be accepted. What about this poor self image? Constantly striving, but you look at yourself and you're just like, ugh, I'm not good enough. I'm really not good enough. Insecurity, defensive. Ooh, ah. Does that ever happen in marriage? Very defensive. Throw that wall up. Defensive, because you're constantly feeling rejected. Even though they're not saying it, they're not doing it, it's on the inside of you. It's on the inside of me. Constantly feel like you're rejected. So when you grow up and you don't have this need met, there are some self talk, there's some lies you take to be the truth. So it builds up these strongholds in your life. And one of the lies is, I'll never be good enough. I'll never amount to anything. And we got to come against those lies because that's a lie from the enemy. That's a lie from the pit of hell. It is not true. You are more than an overcomer. You're not just an overcomer. The Bible says you are more than an overcomer. Whoo. You are special. You are loved. You are chosen. Can't nobody do it like you. The second one, affection. Affection. Affection is to have closeness or personal touch. And the need for affection is absolutely essential for a child's emotional health. Affection. A child needs at least 8 to 10 appropriate touches a day. At least 8 to 10. Pat on the head, hug in the morning, squeeze a tickle, Love at night, sit on my lap. Kids, come here. Let me read you a book. 8 to 10 appropriate touches a day to be healthy. And when children have this affection from both their mother and their father, they feel safe, they feel secure, and they feel loved. They feel the love by the touch. So as a child, did you have warm and loving affection from your father and mother? And unfortunately, so many homes end in divorce. And so if you did not have that from, you say, yeah, my mom just. Man, she went overboard because my dad wasn't home. Your mom still cannot fill in the gaps of that emotional need you need from your father. So you got zero. Your cup from your father is completely empty. Completely empty. And if you didn't get these needs met as a child and you go into adulthood longing for these needs to be met, this is out of time. They will never be met. The parents missed the mark. You say, oh, no hope. Is that a death sentence? You know, am I completely just messed up? And all my relationships are just basically going to, you know, where, in a hand basket? No, Jesus, remember, Jesus satisfies the longings of our soul. He knew we were imperfect people. He knew we were imperfect good raise children. We were going to be messed up. I'm messed up, you're messed up. We all got issues, right? Because you can only give what you have. So you got these two broken people who meet each other and fall in love and get married, right? But then all the butterflies fly away, right? They go back to the butterfly garden, and there you are, and you got to work, and you got to cook and you got to clean, and then you got all these little minions running around your house and all that brings. So you got these broken people producing more broken people. So Jesus knew we were going to need him. Salvation wasn't just to keep you out of hell and get you into heaven. Salvation saves you every single day over and over and over and over. All of your broken pieces, everything that's broken. Jesus said, I came so that there would be nothing missing and nothing Broken. Hallelujah. Affection. Affection. So here's the symptoms. That that need was not met. Aloof and distant. You know, that kid that's just aloof and distant, that. That person in your circle who just doesn't seem to join in. Uncomfortable being close to people. When you go to hug them, they're like, oh, you know, don't touch me. Shut down. Cold and unfeeling. So even in marriage, you know, you. You got that person you're trying to engage, that person you're trying to pull into this conversation. Something serious is going on with one your kids. And. And that person's just over there reading the paper. You know, that person's over there just watching their TV show. They don't. They don't feel it. They're. They're cold and they can't engage. Or the complete opposite, excessive neediness. They didn't get enough touches. So they're like. Like a little puppy. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Can you hug me? Can you hug me? Oh, come over here and sit by me. I am sitting by you. No, but get a little closer, you know. Well, you didn't hold my hand enough today. We were in the car and you didn't hold or. We were out at the restaurant. Did you see Jimmy? He put his arm around Susie, but you didn't put your arm around me and I. Put your arm around her. Please. Okay. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is real life stuff, right? Or what about inappropriate behavior with the opposite sex? Always. Maybe wearing the miniskirts. Are the shirts unbuttoned down to here? And all that's coming out and, you know, just trying to get attention, trying to get affection. Looking for love in all the. Say it again. All the yes, wrong places. Because who can satisfy the longings of our soul? Only Jesus. Only Jesus. The woman at the well, she kept going and trying to get her cup filled. And she'd been married to this one. Well, I'm going to kick him out because he's not filling my cup. So I'm going to go to this next one and then the next one. And, you know, we can go to the next one and the next one and the next one and the next one until the next one is a whole healed person who has dealt with the issues of their soul. We're just going to keep searching and searching and searching. You know, we could make a million dollars, but that million dollars does not satisfy these. These needs on the inside of us. Jesus, help us. So the lies, maybe, that I believed to Be true. Because I didn't get the appropriate affection in my life. Is something's wrong with being loving and affectionate. Ah. Because I didn't get that. Ooh, Something's wrong with that. Something's wrong. Oh, I can't touch people. Something's wrong with that. I can't do public displays of affection because something's wrong with that. Because if we didn't get it must be something wrong, right? That's not love. That's our view of love. Our view of love is what we did or did not get as a child. Oh, this is hard. This is heavy. Oh. But we are going to overcome in the name of Jesus, right? We're going to get healed and we're going to be better. Number three, Attention. Attention. The need for undivided attention is very strong in childhood. Man, guys, this is so important. The need for attention and the need to give a significant person, have them show, have them enter into that child's world. It's not the same. You know, the difference in the babysitter who comes over and just reads her book and just lets the kids do their thing versus the babysitter that comes and gets on the floor and plays with your child. That's attention. Being in the room is not attention. Parents, these. We didn't have cell phones back in the day, but these parents these days, I see these young parents on their phone constantly and their kids going, mom, mom, mom, mama. And they're like, what? Oh, it just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart. Appropriate attention is entering into the child's world. Going outside and throwing the football with the child. Sitting on the floor and playing Barbies with the child. Going to have a tea party at the little bitty table with your child. It seems so insignificant to us as parents, but it's everything. It means everything to that child. Listen, I can remember both of my parents worked really hard. They both worked at a mill in this little town that we grew up in. My dad was an electrician. My mama was in the accounting department. And so they work every single day, sometimes on the weekend. And I just remember having this huge imagination because I'd go out and just play by myself. I mean, I had this whole world. I mean, I had this whole other world, all kind of people in it, because, you know, and then my brother was five years older than me, so he didn't want to play with me. You know, we were at two different places in life. So he's in middle school, I'm in elementary, he's in high school. I'm in middle school. School, he's gone, and I'm in high school. So we really didn't have things in common. So I just had this great imagination. I just had this whole other family. I mean, I had friends. I would take mud and put it together and put it up on the grill and act like I was cooking hamburgers for my family. I mean, you know, But I wanted to spend time with my daddy. And I remember, I will never forget it. I was in the third grade and my dad took. Took me out of school one day. This is one day. I'm 52 years old and I can remember this one day like it was yesterday. Took me out of school because he was a golfer. He golfed all the time, you know, in his free time. And he took me and he rented a cart and he let me go golfing with him as a third grader. I didn't know how to golf. I didn't care. I just wanted to be with him. And he took me. And I still remember how that made me feel. I felt so important. I felt so like the most special kid because my dad let me miss school and go golfing right in the cart with him. And we talked and we laughed and we ate lunch. That one day did so much for me. Attention, attention. Spending time intentionally, one on one with those children. So as a child, did your parents spend quality time with you? Did they enter into your world? Did they listen to you attentively? Or did you have to call their name 5, 6, 7 times and then get the what? So as an adult, the evidence that that need was not met could be promiscuity because you did not get appropriate attention. You're loud, boisterous. You didn't get the attention, but you gonna get it now. Hey, I'm here. Guess who's in the room. Poor self image. Feelings of worthlessness are overly consumed with appearance because you want somebody to notice you. You want somebody to see you. So the lies that that creates in our life, that. That the enemy comes as a little child and whispers in our ear, you're not important. You don't matter. So we go through our adult life feeling like our words don't matter, our presence don't matter. So. So why should I come to church? My presence doesn't matter. Why should I be in that meeting? They don't listen to me anyway. Number four. Affirmation. The need for affirmation is the need for a formal statement. A formal statement acknowledging that you are significant. It's verbal, it's A verbal declaration over your life from your parents to you as a child. Affirmation comes when you're included and accepted as a significant part of the family. It also means to be commended and confirmed as one having worth and value. Can you ever remember your mom or your dad ever speaking that verbal affirmation over you? Think about it. Wow. So you never felt affirmed or valued as a family member? And listen, Jesus, God gave us the example with Jesus, he openly, he didn't have to do that. He's God. But he openly expressed his approval of his son. In Matthew 3, he said this. This is my beloved son, whom I am well pleased. How many times did our parents miss that? You know, we've been striving to do that project as a kid, fifth grade science project. And our parent, did they, did they say what was wrong with it or did they verbally affirm it? Man, you did a good job. That was awesome. And even if a parent, even if in your mind you're like, you know, that kind of looks weird, that volcano is kind of leaning to the right a little. But you saw them work so hard on it. They did their best. As a nine year old, man, Joni, you did such a good job. You worked so hard, diligent. Even if you didn't get the ribbon you wanted, man, I'm getting you a ribbon because I've never seen you work so hard. Can you imagine how they beam, man? Affirmation, verbal declaration. As a child, were you commended for admirable character traits? If you were one of those kids who just didn't lie, it just wasn't in you. Did your parents say, man, thank you so much for always telling me the truth, or did it just go unnoticed? Man, thank you for telling the truth right there. Or if they got in trouble and they had a choice to lie or tell the truth, thank you so much, Joni, for telling the truth. God loves somebody who's honest. Commended for accomplishments. You did so well on that science project. Commended for endurance in difficult situations. Commended for what? For doing what was right. Your kid finds $5 laying in the store and instead of putting it in their pocket, I know y' all never did that, never. But took it up to the cash register, man, I am so proud of you for doing what was right. So as an adult, if you, you didn't get this need met, if you didn't get affirmed, you're seeking approval. Always looking for that pat on the back. Always looking for, man, you did such. You don't just come to church and Serve as unto the Lord. You're waiting for the usher captain to come and say, man, you look good today. You did a good job today. Or you don't just serve as unto the Lord. Are you waiting on pastor to come and say, matt, you preached the house down. Thank you. Come on. Are you performance oriented? Are you doing it? Listen, it's the why of why you're doing it. Are you doing it because you love the Lord and you want to serve God? Are you doing it to get approval? Are you doing it for people to look at you? Say, man, you're so good at what you do. Workaholic. But truthfully on the inside, lack of confidence, very insecure. You're insecure, but what are you doing? You're trying to get those pats on the back to fill your cup. And they never fill your cup. They never fill your cup. And the lies that you believe to be the truth is I will never be good enough, so why try? I'll never be good enough, so why try? Jesus, help us. And the last one we're going to tackle today is security. Security. Security is the need to feel secure and to know that physical and emotional needs will be met. You just feel safe. You feel secure. You feel like they got me right. You know that tomorrow breakfast will be on the table, you're secure, you can go to bed. As a child knowing I'm not going to wake up hungry in the morning. Okay, you go to bed knowing that my mom's going to pick me up in car line and she's not going to be late, right? Harmony in the home. Harmony in the home creates a secure environment for children. Harmony. When mom and daddy fight, that's not safe. They're sitting there wondering, oh no, are they going to split up? Do they love each other so that kid's not feeling safe and secure? Harmony in the home. So as a child, did your parents provide protection from danger? Did your parents impart faith and confidence in God that even though we may not have what we want, we know that God's going to provide all our needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Was your home safe or was people coming in and out of your home that you didn't even know? Did you see bad things happen to your parents, bad things happen to your siblings? Was your home safe and was it a place of peace and harmony? And evidence that that need was not met in your life is a severe unbelief, a lack of faith? People who want proof? No, I need you to prove to me that the Bible's real. I need you to prove to me. And the whole. The whole evidence of our. Of our. The Christian faith is faith. We're believing something we cannot see, but they demand proof. Very fearful and insecure. Lots of worry. You know that person who worries about everything, Everything. Oh, oh, watch the kid. Oh, don't let him go down the slide. Oh, no, Johnny, you can't go over there. Worry. Expect the worst. You know, there could have been a traumatic event that happened in that person's home. They could have seen somebody come in the window and rape their mother as a child. They could have seen their daddy knock their mama across the room. So. So that instills in them fear. So they worry. They expect the worst. They do not live in faith expecting the best. That's those people you don't like to be around. You know, they just find the negative in every situation. Always seeing the cup as half empty. And the lies you believe if you did not have a home that had harmony and was secure, is that it's safer alone. I got this. I don't need anybody. You know, that woman said, I don't need no man. I got this. I don't need anyone. And God wants to set us free. I do not believe there is any person alive who was not raised in some form of dysfunction. Why? Because we're imperfect people. Our parents were imperfect. Their parents were imperfect. And then it just gets worse as the generations go. We have these generational sins that go to the third and the fourth generation. And when they're not addressed, when they're swept under the rug, they're still alive and they're growing. It gets worse. But Jesus said this. He said, I came that you might have life, and you have it more abundantly. But that word might. He said, I came that you might have it. I've already paid the price. Everything has been done. I sat down. It is finished. But you have to pursue wholeness and healing. It doesn't just happen. It doesn't always just happen. At an altar. Yeah, I've seen God heal people so many times at an altar. Sir. Service. But emotional needs, man. It changes the shape of your brain. It puts grooves in your brain. Which. Man, it changes the way you think, the way you feel, the way you act, but it can be retrained. The Bible tells us he says you have to renew your. What? You got to renew that mind, the way you think, the way you feel. It is a constant every single day, work to pursue healing. And not everybody likes work. Most of us Are pretty lazy, right? I talk about it in my book. I say, you know, the good stuff really takes time. If you've never had good grits, I know you have. You're from Texas. You've had good grits. Grits come being on the stove a long time, 20, 30 minutes. Slow boil. You got to know how to slow boil them and not let them burn and then put the right amount of salt, the right amount of butter, the right amount of cheese. I'm talking about good grits. You can't open up Quaker grits and say, that's grits. That ain't really grits. Californians don't know about grits. They don't know, do they pray for them. But good grits take time. I talk about it all the time. I got cellulite on my legs, right? And I hate it. But I don't hate it enough to do the work, to get up and go to the gym and do what it takes to get rid of it. Man, we've got some brokenness on the inside of us. Every single one of us do. And it takes time and it takes healing and it takes pursuing and it takes knowledge and it takes reading to change everything that we learned up into this point. But it's available for you. It's available. He said, I've given you everything you need for life and godliness. I've already given it to you, but you got to pursue it. There's so many people who are broken. There are so many people who are sitting at home tonight feeling not good enough, working on that treadmill, but still feeling like I'll never be good enough. People who are dressing in ways, trying to get love when Jesus can only satisfy the longings in your soul. I want to help you. That's why I wrote the. This book. You've got to get this book. Not for me. It doesn't pay me anything. All the money that goes from this book goes to feed orphans in Argentina, in the Dominican Republic, it goes to missions. But this book was written out of my pain, was written out of my own personal unmet needs, my own personal suffering and the life it led me down, looking, searching, trying to fill the longings of my soul. Jesus wants to satisfy those in your life, and he can. But you got to do the work. Let me pray for you. Lord, I thank you so much that you loved us so much that you paid the price to save us not just from hell, but to save us from everything ungodly and unholy and unhealthy. That has touched our lives. Oh God, you want us to be free. I know you want us to be free. He who the son sets free is really free, is free indeed. So God, tonight I pray that you illuminate our hearts and show us where we're broken and show us where we're missing the mark. And God, help these, these people who are listening to be willing to do the work to pursue their freedom in the name of Jesus. I love you. And I got part two coming next week. Don't miss it. Mark your calendar, set your alarm. I love you. God bless you. Thank you so much for joining us tonight here on Facebook Live or YouTube, wherever you're tuning in. I just want to encourage you if you want to know more about how to live this abundant life, if you want to know more about how to leave your past in the past, listen, go get my brand new book. It's called the Most Beautiful Disaster. It's a story about how God just makes miracles out of our mistakes. We all make them. Everybody who breathes makes mistakes, but God wants to redeem them. This book is a tool that will help you learn how to overcome and and be everything that God's called you to be. Take a look at this commercial. Miracles can come out of mistakes. And that's what Hope Carpenter discovered. Her marriage and ministry as she knew them were over. But God had other plans. And for the first time, she's telling the complete story in her new book, the Most Beautiful Disaster. You've never heard a story like this and it's a story that will change the way you think about how God can turn things around. The Most Beautiful Disaster is available online or at all major bookstores. Make sure to get your book first. Pre order your copy today.