Fill My Cup Lord | Part 2 - Hope Carpenter

Hello. Thank you again for joining with us here tonight. Wherever you are, all over the world, I'm just so thankful that you thought it was important enough to sit down and wherever you are in your home and you could even be in a hospital bed, and you said, you know what? God lead me to what I need to hear. You could be in a prison cell, but you know that if you're free on the inside, it doesn't matter what chains are around you. Whoo. He who the sun sets for is really free. Last. Last week, last time we were talking about emotional needs, and we're going to pick up there. So if you didn't get to hear that teaching, go to my YouTube page and go hear part one of Fill My cup, Lord, and it is going to bless you. You got to hear it. But sit back, share, call your friends, call all your troubled friends, because I know you don't have any troubles, right? That's just those other people in your life who need some healing. It's going to be so good. We've been talking about emotional needs, and, em, needs are just the cups on the inside of us that have to be filled as children by our parents. It's how we view love. Our parents show us what love is and what love is not. And it's supposed to be unconditional. It's supposed to be the same, and it's supposed to be flowing when you're acting out, when you come in late, or when you're doing the very best you can do as an 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 year old. Right? And here's the thing about raising children. You know, hindsight's always 20 20. Unfortunately, children are not created to be perfect. Did you know that? But we put all these perfect expectations on these little bitties who. It's just our responsibility to train and to show and to point the way. And when they spill their milk, that always just blew my mind. Like if you were in a restaurant and a kid knocked over a drink and the parents scream at like they're little. They're just learning motor skills. They just knocked over something that's so easy that you can get a rag and you can see the kid's face. They're like, so you know what really happens to them when they just do? Accidents. Ugh. No, no, no. Help us, God. Help us to. To go back and pun again and help us to get it right. And if you got it all wrong, guess what? The power of apology is just so amazing. I know my parents and I were going through some years ago. And I remember in one of the sessions, my dad sat there when I was talking about my pain and something that I had experienced as a child. My sweet dad, in his 60s at that time, sat there with tears running down his face and he looked at me and he said, I'm so sorry. He said, I can't fix it. I can't go back and fix it, but hope. I'm so sorry. And that power of apology, you will never know when what that means. It was like he just plucked it up out of me and it was over. I didn't want him to pay, you know, I didn't want to dig at him anymore. He identified with my pain and he said, I'm sorry. You know, how many of us, you know, how much suffering could we keep at bay and could we crucify if we would just humble ourselves and own wrong and own how we missed it and just love people like Jesus loved us? That's what this teaching is all about. It's our emotional needs. I wrote a whole chapter about it in my book right here. The Most Beautiful Disaster comes out May 4th. But don't wait till May 4th, because I just got some word from my publisher that they're selling like hotcakes on pre orders. So you can go get yours@Amazon.com target.com, booksamillion.com all the places books are sold. Get your copy today and get one for all those others, you know, messed up people in your life. I know you don't need it. So we're going to pick up on emotional needs. Number six is comfort. Comfort again. Remember, these are the cups on the inside of us that, that are longing to be filled as children by our parents in the safety, in the wholeness of our home. And when they're not filled, we go into adulthood with these longings on the inside of us, looking for them to be filled, looking for love. All the wrong places, people, places, things. It doesn't matter how many boats you get, men, if you have that longing on the inside of you. Boats don't fill it. Women pocketbooks don't feel it. Caribbean vacations don't fill it. Only Jesus, Psalm 107 says, can feel the longings of your soul. And one of the longings is God. Comfort, comfort. This is a need to have someone come alongside you during a sad time to offer comfort and strength to you. Listen, think about it. A person to come alongside you during a traumatic event or a sad time to be lovingly comforted during a difficult time. Listen this is so key. Instead of being instructed or corrected, think about it. When your kids come to you and they're upset about something, they're sad about something. And what is our first instinct, especially us preachers who know the scripture, is to instruct them. Well, the Bible says, son, that da da da, da, da, da, da, da da. No, they don't want to hear what the Bible says when their cat just got ran over. They're sad. They just want you to hug them and love them and cry with them and let them cry. And if they want to go stay all day in their room and cry in their bed, you let them. You don't go in there and say, suck it up, buttercup. Come on, get yourself together. Big boys don't cry. Pull up your big girl panties. No, they don't want to be corrected or instructed. They just want someone to come alongside them and feel the pain. Comfort. So as a child, did you have someone take time to comfort you during times of defeat? What if they came home from studying for this test, this major test, and they. And they knew, man, I need to make this grade so that I can achieve whatever GPA I want. And they came in and they didn't make it. And they were so defeated, they came in, they needed a B, but they made a C. So here's an example of comfort. Man, I'm so proud of you. You worked so hard. I know this is devastating to you. I am so sorry. Instead of, well, if you hadn't gone out last Friday night, you probably could have studied a little bit more. But no, you went out with your friends instead of correcting and instructing, or instead of, well, if you work real hard, do it again on the next test. Maybe you can bring it up. That's instruction. No, they want somebody to comfort them and feel their pain right then, right there. Someone to empathize with. You actually feel it. Someone that felt your pain and wept with you. Did your parents ever weep with you? Listen, I remember one time, my mom did. She was. She did such a good job with. At this one time. I remember it. I remember this boy broke up with me, and I thought he, you know, he was everything at 15, you know, you think they're the one at 15, right? And he broke up with me. And I remember being in my bed, and I had never felt that pain, that teenage pain, you know, I had never felt that before. I thought I was going to crumble and die. And my mom sat on the bed, and I remember I was in the bed and she Just rubbed my hair. And she says, I remember that feeling. She didn't say, come on, nobody marries who they date at 15. Get over it. But she stroked my hair and she said, I remember that feeling, man. It's painful. And that's all she had to say. She. She comforted me. She. She empathized with me. She actually felt my pain and someone to give words that brought comfort and consolation. So as an adult, the evidence that that need was not met. Listen, you can't comfort anybody. You cannot feel people's pain. It's that person who. Who. When the. When the. When your wife just lost her mother and you're sitting there cold, you cannot feel the pain. Feelings of being alone and empty, lack of emotions. It's that person who's just like this, you know, no highs, no lows. You never see them laughing. You never see them cutting up. You never see them worshiping with teach tears coming down their face. It's just that lack of emotion. Probably because they never had anybody. Their parents or whoever raised them. The grandparents comfort them. And he. Listen to this. This is key. If you struggle with addictions, it's always rooted back to the lack of comfort. Compulsive or obsessive behaviors and addiction, the root of all addict goes back to the lack of comfort. Because you're looking for something to comfort you. You're in pain, you go take a drink. You're stressed, you go pop a pill looking for something to soothe you. I've had a long day. I'm going shopping. Well, it's been rough at the office. I'm ordering dessert tonight. You're looking for something to make you feel better because you don't know what making you feel better actually feels like. So it's never enough, right? It's never just one drink. It's never just one pill. Because what only Jesus can satisfy the longings in our soul. So did you get that growing up? Did you get the privilege of having parents who comforted you? And if you didn't, one of the lies you take to be the truth is, you know what? No one cares about me. No one understands what I'm going through. And sometimes you even get this. Sometimes you'll even be like, mine is so much worse than yours. You know that person who got a one up, you. You know, I'm struggling today. Well, yesterday was the worst day of my life. I got fired and my wife left me. You know, it's like, okay, that's that person who, you know, just. It's always bad, okay? Encouragement Encouragement is the need to be urged forward in a positive manner. It is to be inspired and given hope to reach a goal, to receive correct instruction and motivation to accomplish the goal. Children need to be encouraged and inspired to reach a goal. Listen without being condemned if they don't reach it. Encouragement is not about the result. Get that? Encouragement is not about the end result. Encouragement is just encouraging them to do, to be, to try. So as a child, were you helped by your parents to set attainable goals? Attainable goals helped and encouraged to meet those goals. Were you the kid who you knew you had this big science project, but you were not a project? You know, you just didn't do well with stuff. Like, you weren't artsy fartsy. You know, you weren't good at making stuff. You didn't ever play with. Play. D'oh. You wanted to go throw dirt around and ride your dirt bike. Okay, did your parents help you with your project or did they say, I'm too busy? Parents are there to help parent. We are there to train. We are there to help our children grow up and be productive adults. Did they help you with projects or did they just make you do it and then you failed? I think I graduated high school four times. My graduation, Chase's graduation, Chaz's graduation, and Chandler's graduation. I was always helping. And I might have done too much, but I always helped my kids. I loved doing projects with them. I loved helping them write papers and do research. They can't say they didn't get encouragement from their mama. Okay, so as an adult, evidence that the need was not met. It would be a lack of confidence, feelings of failure, attitudes of defeat, frustration and withdrawal. So the lie you take to be the truth in your mind as a kid, if this need wasn't met, would be, why try? It's not going to be good anyway. I'm never going to win. I don't win. Why would I even put my name in that basket? I never get picked for the drawing. Okay, what about support? The need for support is the desire to have someone stand beside you and help carry a heavy burden. Problem. To have practical needs met. Support. They're kind of like wonder twins. The one I just talked about, encouragement and support. So as a child, did you have someone stand with you in difficult situations? Have the support of your family no matter what? As an adult, the evidence that these needs were not met is discouragement, weariness toward living, fear of failure, timidity and insecurity. Appreciation. This is huge. Appreciation is the need to have accomplishments Recognized with gratitude and communicated through words of praise. Words of praise. As a child, did your parents acknowledge your accomplishments? Did they even come to the basketball game? Did they even come to watch you cheer? Or was it just something you enjoyed doing and they were on date night. Jesus, I feel the weight of it. Parents focus on what was right and not always what was wrong. Did they focus on you, on what was right about you, what was good about you, your strengths? Or did they always focus on what you didn't do right and what was wrong? I tell this story in my book. About eight years old, my parents every Saturday we had to clean and so we had to clean. Before I was able to watch Scooby Doo Smurfs and go outside and go outside and play, we had to clean. So I'm talking about clean. I'm talking about Cinderella clean. And so I would get a toothbrush and comment and I had to get on my hands and knees. This is eight years old, this is second grade. And cleaned the tile on the floors and in those old bathrooms in the 70s. That tile went from here to here, all the way around the bathroom, little bitty tiles. And if it wasn't done to perfection, it doesn't matter that I did it and I, and I endured and I did the whole thing. If there was something found that was wrong, I had to redo the whole thing, not just the part that was wrong. So it was like it was focused on what was wrong, not what was right. Not come alongside an eight year old man, you're doing so good. Hope man, that's a great job. Cleaning, but just focusing on what was wrong. What about your parents? Did they appreciate you for who God created you to be, not who they wanted you to be? Especially this happens with boys. You know, men just have in their mind that boys are supposed to be rough and tumble and they're all supposed to be good at basketball and they're all supposed to play football and be able to hit a baseball. What about the boy who likes to play the piano? And then that parent that dad gets so angry, no, you're not playing the piano, you're going to go play football. But they're not good at football. So that creates such a cycle of defeat because they're trying to please their dad. But then they feel so horrible because they can't do a good job at football. Did they appreciate you for who God created you to be? Not who they wanted you to be, not who they think you should be? So as an adult, the evidence that this need was not met is that you get discouraged easily. You start a project, but you don't finish a project. Very pessimistic, performance orientated, performance oriented and insecure. You feel like you're not good enough because you weren't valued for who God created you to be special, unique, chosen, different. You're not like anybody else. You're not supposed to perform like your brother. You're not supposed to perform like your sister because you're you. God created you to be that way. So as a child, was your cup filled with appreciation? And the lies that you take to believe as a child when they're not filled is you just don't feel valued for what you do. It's not good enough. You just waiting on the person to criticize you as an adult. Like, I know this isn't going to be right. I'm going to do it, but I know it's not going to be right. They're not going to like it. I can bring my idea to the table at the board meeting, but I know it won't be picked. That feeling of just pessimistic attitude, I'm not good enough. It creates a why try Attitude. It's not going to win, it's not going to be right. It's not going to be good enough. So why try? And then respect. To be respected is to be regarded as one who has worth and value to the family. The strongest childhood needs are for acceptance, affection, attention and affirmation. But as you mature, the need for respect becomes one of the greatest emotional needs, the need for respect. So as a child, were you respected as a person, as an individual, was your privacy respected? Did they respect your property or did they go through your car or did they go through your backpack? Did they look for things? Or was your house, you can't shut the door in this house. Did they respect your privacy? There's a whole other chapter in my book about individuation and that is, you know, that starts about 12 years old in all of our lives. And it goes until we leave our home about 17, 18 years old. And it's like you have a baby. Okay, let's you have a baby. You bring them home and they sleep in this little bitty thing beside your bed because you want to watch them, you want to protect them for a few months, right? Then you might move them to their crib in their room, but with a monitor, of course, and a timer on your phone and all that stuff, microphones and cameras. And then as time goes on, they get out of that Bed. And they go into a toddler bed with a gate at their door, right? And then you move the gate because you're not afraid they're going to fall down the stairs. Then they go outside. You go outside with them to play and push them on the swing. And then when they're seven or eight, you fence in your backyard so they can go out and play it. Just go. You just letting the string out little by little by little. And that's natural. But in teenage years, especially us religious people, these church people, we put the clamp down teenage years, right? We want to track them, we want to. Give me your phone, you know, all those things. And some of those things are healthy boundaries. But we start wanting to clamp down. But listen, healthy individuation is when they're 12, 13, 14, 15, you got to let that leash go. And you've got to let them burn their fingers, so to speak. They're never going to learn. Yeah, that's going to hurt me. If it doesn't hurt them, we can't always intervene and take away that pain because that blocks them from becoming an individual. And if you don't individuate at the proper time, you're going to do it later in life, usually in your 30s or 40s. And the world calls that a what? Midlife crisis. You see that man with the gray hair going down the street in the Corvette, and you're like, oh, he's having a midlife crisis, right? That man on the Harley and the girl with the leather on and she's got her blonde hair blowing, and you think, man, she's 30. And you get up on her and you're like, My God, she's 63 years old. Individuation. We have to give our children respect and privacy at the appropriate times. They've got to learn that they are regarded as somebody who has worth. So as an adult, evidence that that need was not met. You can feel worthless, inferior feelings of insecurity, a demanding behavior. See, the opposite can happen. It can be the person in the office who's like, you're going to respect me. Demanding respect. I'm the boss. You going to do what I say just because I'm the boss? Because they didn't get that. So they're overcompensating, right? A victim mindset. Everybody's against me. Nobody has it as bad as me because they didn't get respect. That cup on the inside wasn't filled. And so the lie that you take to be the truth, when that wasn't met in your life is really. I'm of no value. My things are of no value. Nothing is my own. I can't be independent. I can never be a boss. I can never lead. I'm not good enough to even apply for that raise because you don't even respect yourself and the healing process. Listen, the whole goal of teaching this last time, part one, and this is part two, the whole goal is not just to say, ugh, I didn't get what I needed. My parents stink. They screwed me up. No. We all were raised in dysfunctional homes, okay? Why? Because broken people produce broken people. And we're all broken. And we're all in need of a savior, right? But there is healing. The whole goal is healing. The whole goal is to recognize why I act like I act, why I do what I do, why I have screwed up so many relationships, why I have failed so miserably. Miserably. And to let Jesus come and satisfy these longings once and for all in my soul. The goal is rest. The goal is peace. The goal is harmony in our life and harmony in our home and man. So many people, especially even in the church, do not have harmony and peace and contentment in their lives. I lived many years and didn't have that. Tell all about it in my book. But I also tell how Jesus taught me how to come out of that and let him be everything I need. He can do it for you. He can do it for you. But you got to recognize, number one, I am a sinner in need of a savior. I'm broken, and I am in need of a healer. And then it's a lifelong process. We talked about it earlier that. When we were talking before we started tonight, that. That healing is like an onion. You just. It's lifelong. You don't go to a conference, live your best life now, or you're healing today or whatever conferen it is and pay a $99 registration, and everything's fixed. It is a lifelong pursuit. It is a journey. It's a healing journey that God just shows you one thing about yourself, this today, and you work on it. Then he shows you something next week. He's so gentle and he's so sweet about it. People are afraid of counseling. They're afraid of taking a class to try to get healing. Because they're like, I'm sitting scared. I'm scared what it's going to reveal. I'm scared I might fall apart. Yeah, you might fall apart. But the way the Holy Ghost does it, he's so Sweet and so gentle. He wants you healed, he wants you set free. And healing is the children's bread. It's available to you, but you got to pursue it. I would encourage you if you say this has ministered to me, go order my book. I tell you the good, the bad, the ugly, the the raw, the dirty about my life, I just spill it out there. But I show you how God can take such brokenness and make something beautiful out of it. From brokenness to breakthrough. That's what he wants to do. And he can take your mess and make a miracle. He wants to do it for you tonight. Don't stay stuck where you are. Do not live in these sin cycles, in these generational curses. God wants you free. He who the son sets free is really free. He said I came that you may have life and you might have it more abundantly. He wants that for you and I want that for you. Let me pray for you tonight. Lord, I thank you so much that you love us and that you've already provided for us. Everything we need, you've already provided. I thank you that you want to take our messed up broken lives and make something beautiful out of it. And God, I pray tonight that you would draw people close, Lord, that you would pour in the oil and the wine and that you would begin to heal hearts all over the world tonight. Because that's who you are. That's who you are. You can feel all these broken places, Lord, you can fill us. You can fill us. Not just fill us, but you can fill us to overflow so that we can turn around and love people like you love us. I thank you for healing tonight. In Jesus name, amen. Write in, give us some testimonies. Let us know what God's doing in your life. Put down in the chat, tell us what you need. We want to pray for you. Run, go get this book. Order it for some of your messed up friends. Jesus loves you. I love you. And I'll see you next time. Thank you so much for joining us tonight here on Facebook, Live or YouTube, wherever you're tuning in. I just want to encourage you if you want to know more about how to live this abundant life. If you want to know more about how to leave your past in the past. Listen, go get my brand new book. It's called the Most Beautiful Disaster. It's a story about how God just makes miracles out of our mistakes. We all make them. Everybody who breathes makes mistakes. But go. But God wants to redeem them. This book is a tool that will help you learn how to overcome and be everything that God's called you to be. Take a look at this commercial Miracles.

Can come out of mistakes, and that's what Hope Carpenter discovered. Her marriage and ministry as she knew them were over. But God had other plans. And for the first time, she's telling the complete story in her new book, the Most Beautiful Disaster. You've never heard a story like this, and it's a story that will change the way you think about how God can turn things around. The Most Beautiful Disaster is available online or at all major bookstores. Make sure to get your book first. Pre order your copy today.