Holidays and Mental Health with Guest: Dr. Sandra Luyindula | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign.

Well, hello, everybody. It's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real, raw, relevant. But as you can tell, Ron has changed. He looks a little different today. Just a little. This is not Ron, but this is our wonderful friend and also our physician, Dr. Sandra Lewandula. We are so excited to have her here today. And we're going to talk about the holidays. It's right here. It's today. It's Thanksgiving. Yes, It's Thanksgiving.

It's Thanksgiving.

Yes. We got a lot to be thankful for. But, you know, there's a lot of people who. Who really experience a lot of depression and anxiety and stress that's wrapped into the holidays and we're going to talk about that. But you know, holidays are supposed to be joyful. They're supposed to be fun. They're supposed to be centered around family and the goodness of God and especially Thanksgiving. Everything we have to be thankful for. And we've got a lot.

Yes, we do.

To be thankful for. I'm thankful for you.

I'm thankful for you today.

Look at there. What about your family? What are you doing on Thanksgiving?

We usually keep it low, low key. Turkey is not a big meal at home. So this year.

Why is that? Where are you from?

It depends.

Where were you born?

I was born in Congo, Central Africa. And so turkey is not big. Yeah, big meal. And so this year my husband says, what about we do duck?

You're venturing.

Yeah, we are venturing. Usually it's a small hen because it's small enough that we can eat, finish and not have leftovers. And my kids just know that as turkey. But don't tell them I said okay.

I won't, I won't, I won't. What about that specialty meal that you made me one time? You don't eat that on Thanksgiving.

Which one?

Come on. The one that I was nervous about. Tell them about it. I'd never had it before. She had oxtail. I did have oxtail and it was so yummy.

She slow cooked six to eight hours.

It's just the name, Sandra. I know it's just the name. Like I'm eating the booty of an animal.

Ox.

An ox and an ox. It's just kind of. It's. It's disheartening to even say that I'm eating oxtail.

So delicious.

But it was so good. It was like roast.

Yes, yes.

That's the best way I could describe it is roast. And it was great.

We'll make it again. But no, it takes too long.

Yeah.

Holidays was just. We Take it as time to just relax.

So you do it a little different than most of the Americans. Americans go hard, they start cooking like on Monday and everybody comes in and everybody brings something to eat and we eat this time and then we rest a minute and we eat again and then we eat again. And most, you know, and a lot of people have to go from family to family to family. And it's stressful.

It is. So we used to do that. We used to do a big family get together, the in laws. And the table was so full.

And the outlaws.

And the outlaws.

Yeah.

The table was so full that we had food on the floor. I mean, that much.

Oh my goodness.

15. 15 seat table, kitchen in full floor. Because we had so much food.

It's a lot of work.

Yeah. So we'll like you. We'll sit around the table, eat two hours later, eat again, and then we'll just.

But you know, Ron does that when it ain't even Thanksgiving. That boy can eat. I am here to report that is one of the biggest adjustments I had to make when we first got married because we had nothing, we had no money. And so, I mean, we would budget our meals like how much does this meal cost? Then how much does. And then we'd go the grocery store and we would buy that. So I knew that's all the money that I had for those meals. And I remember the first time I bought a whole chicken and put it into the crock pot to cook. And I thought, well, this will be today's meal and tomorrow's meal.

How long did it last?

That joker ate every bit of that chicken in one sitting. I got up and called my mama and cried. I said, he ate all the chicken and he's still eating all the chicken and all the ham and everything that I make. So yes, that's a.

That's a good problem.

I don't think Ron could do the one little hen.

Well, he can do a whole hen for himself.

Yeah. For lunch.

Yes. And then we'll make three more for. Right, Two hours.

Yeah.

What is your family tradition?

Well, it's just a little bit of what I described. It's everybody over to my house. You know, the older you get, you start being the house. It used to be my mom's house and we would all go to her house and now it's my house and all the kids and grands are there screaming and hollering and running and playing and eating and it's fun. I'm exhausted by the end of the day. But.

But it's all fun.

You know what I did this year?

What?

I ordered Cracker Barrel. Oh, I did.

You didn't cook the turkey.

I cooked the ham and the collard greens. Cause I just don't trust that with other people. But Cracker Barrel, I ordered the turkey, the dressing, the sweet potato casserole, all the fixings other than the ham and the collard greens. Because I just like flying in and trying to get all that done. It was just too overwhelming. I said, you know what? And we're talking about in a minute about mental health. My mental health cannot handle that this year.

And the family will not notice that it's different.

Oh, I'm sure they will. But you know, if they hungry, they gonna eat.

Okay, Right.

So we shall see. We shall see.

Or you can try duck next year. Just like we are this year.

We can try it. Maybe. Maybe next year we'll go all out, I think. Because right now it's a lot going on. We are building a house in Greenville. We're in a rental house and we have to be out of the rental house by December 31st. So I'm trying to have Thanksgiving, have Christmas and pack.

And pack.

Yes. So this year is just a no can do.

But next year, next year, you know, okay, next year we'll go all out.

We shall see.

And have duck.

Yes. What's your children's favorite meal? Pizza.

No. Chicken fingers? Sweet potatoes?

Oxtails.

Well, yes. One of them is sweet potatoes and salmon.

What?

I know, I know.

Why do I doubt that coming from you? Why do I doubt that? I'm surprised you didn't say broccoli and brussels sprouts.

Oh, well, no, no, no. I think that. What is Ellie eating now? I think it's rice, but it has to be white.

What?

It has to be clean rice. She calls it clean rice. Nothing on top, no sauce, nothing. Just clean rice.

Okay.

With some ribs on the side. I tried to make her vegan, but it didn't work.

What's her blood type?

I don't know.

I have to check. I don't know. I know it. Because all that matters. Well, listen, before we get into the rest of this, I'm going to go into our ad right now. We have a amazing sponsors and I just want to shout out to neutral fall. I'm going to tell you, Ron Carpenter really loves him some neutral. He carries his vitamins everywhere he goes. But over 80 million men and women in the US experience thinning hair, yet it is still not openly talked about, which can make going through it feel scary, stressful, and that just adds to the problem.

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Well, you look at the season, we're talking about holidays, but it's usually cold winters, cold weather. And so then you have decreased sunlight, decreased serotonin release, which is a neurotransmitter. It make you feel good hormones. And so that decreases over time.

That's the way I feel when I go to the mall. Right?

Yeah, that one.

Yeah, that one, yeah. Or when I go to the beach. Yes, that's that same one.

That's the same one.

Okay.

So decreased sunlight. You don't have that as much of that hormone anymore.

Okay.

And so then we just feel blue and then we start feeling isolated. That's just the weather related. Now the holidays, you talk about pressure, right. You talked about family time and being joyful, going from house to house. What if you don't have that opportunity?

Right.

What if your family is not as united?

Yeah.

What if you feel under pressure to please or to buy gifts? You know, it's not just Thanksgiving. Then you have the next holidays coming up. Then you feel isolated. Then you have increased depression and decreased anxiety. So how do we deal with that?

How do we deal with it, Doc? Well, how do you deal with it when you have patients coming to you saying, I am so overwhelmed, I'm so depressed, I'm feeling just overwhelmed. What do you, what are your suggestions? We talked about this, about being integrated. We're body, soul and spirit. Yes. So all of that matters. So do you really feel like as a doctor that you can just deal with it on the physical level?

No.

Okay.

No. So I happen to be a believer and a doctor and a child of God first.

Yes.

And so that means we try to find out why do you feel so blue? What's keeping you so down?

Right.

Is it spiritually related or, or is it medically related? Right. So we are integrated. So it could be a thyroid, for God's sake.

Right.

You know, it doesn't always mean you have, you know, you're doomed and you have this depression that's keeping you down, but it could be a thyroid.

It's a chemical imbalance. And then the enemy comes and he whispers in your ears, this, this, this and this. But the whole thing is, could be a chemical imbalance. It could be.

And so then you want to make sure medically you're taken care of and then spiritually you're taken care of. Right. So but does that mean that those who are taken care of medically no longer have faith? Right. So if they come and it's not medical, thyroid is fine. You are, let's say you truly depressed. Family history and all of that. And now I have to put you on antidepressant or anti anxiety medications. Does that mean you no longer believe that God can heal?

I do not believe that at all. You know, there's a huge debate in the Christian world, you know, where a lot of faith teachers really are against medicine. And they're like, no, no, no. If you take that medicine, you don't have any faith. And you're not putting your faith in God. You know, Jesus traveled with a physician.

He did.

That has always really encouraged me and always made me want to slap myself and other people up against the head. Like, why do you think that we don't need doctors when Jesus traveled with a physician?

Correct.

And he said, he's given us everything for life and godliness. He's given us medicine, the herbs of the ground, things that have been derivatory, or what's the word? Derivatives. Derivatives of those that people have enhanced and made better so that we can be. Well.

Correct. Because if I have a patient who's a mother, bipolar, highs and lows.

Yep. Yep.

Do I leave her in balance to go off the edge while she still need to take care of her household?

Right.

Just because I'm telling her, hey, I'm gonna slap faith into you and you healed.

Yeah. Yeah.

That doesn't mean I want her to stop praying and believing that God can heal. But while you are, can I stabilize you enough for you to have time to study the scriptures so you can.

Really believe so that you can actually absorb it?

Exactly.

It's called faith with works.

That's right.

Faith without works is dead.

Correct.

Yeah. We've got to do something for ourselves.

Correct. Because when you have 800,000 people in the world committing suicide, they're not all unsaved.

Right, Right.

Not every single one of them. You know.

Oh, we've heard there's been an epidemic, you know, of pastors even. Yes. I mean, the last three or four years, I've been seen. I mean, major pastors who have committed suicide just. And you think they didn't love the Lord?

Of course they did.

Of course they did.

Didn't I believe in healing?

They did. Right. But life's overwhelming. Life's tough. And I mean, man, you know our story. The people listening know our story. We've had a hundred ups and downs, and life is tough. And there are times I want to jump in the bed and put the covers over my head, too, and never come out. That's right. But, you know, there is a time where you don't give into that.

Correct.

That you say, okay, this is life. And I gotta. I gotta pull my big girl panties up and I gotta buckle my bootstraps and I gotta get up and do this thing.

Yes, you do.

There is a press. There is a press in faith. Y' all listening to me? There is a press. The Bible says you have to fight the good fight of faith. Faith is not like Magic dust. It's not fairy dust that comes on you and you just, woo, I believe God for this, or, ooh, I feel great today. No, faith is a fight. Faith is a press. So while you're taking your medicine, you still got to get up and do your laundry.

Yes, you do.

You still got to do it and.

Wash your hair and brush your teeth.

Hopefully all those things. Right.

And God promises healing, but the timing is not always known. No, it could be today, it could be in five years, it could be in 10 years. Right. But ultimately it is for his glory. So does that mean you don't take care of yourself in the now? So I do remember when my child had to have surgery. I prayed so hard. I'm like, God, no, miraculously healed. And then the doctor came, and she also happened to be a believer. She said, do you not believe that God can use my hands to bring forth healing to your child? And right there and then I realized, God can really use you to bring healing.

Absolutely. Just like he uses people at an altar service or in a pulpit or in a podcast. He uses people's voices. Correct. He can also use their hands. He can use other people's wisdom. So I am grateful. I believe in my faith and I quote the scripture over my life every single day, over my health, over my mind, over my marriage, all of those things. But I also take my medicine. I have had to take a thyroid, half of a thyroid out, remember, in 2017, I have to take thyroid medicine every day. If I don't take my thyroid medicine, I have no energy, I have no get up and go. I will gain lots of weight because that thyroid is what God gave me to help regulate hormones in my body.

And that's the chemical imbalance we just talked about.

Right.

And that thyroid can actually lead to depression.

Right? Right.

You just feel blah and down and depression worsens.

Right.

And so instead of treating the thyroid disease, now I'm focusing on the depression while I should really be treating thyroid, Thyroid all along.

So people listening to us today are probably saying, wow, she's describing me like, I have felt like this, or I'm going through this. What is some of the steps? Just natural things. Like for me and Ron, you know, for instance, we get our blood work done. Right. Every six months, we check our blood, we check our hormones, we check the thyroid, we check our cholesterol, we check all of those things every six months. Nate, tell them some things they can do well.

See a doctor.

Yeah. And if you don't have a good doctor, we have One right here called the well. MD thewellmd is it.com-thewell-md.com There you go.

That's it.

So look her up. She's right here. Locally in Greenville, South Carolina, an amazing spirit filled doctor. I think that's so important. But let him know. Okay, so a doctor.

So find a doctor and find a doctor. If your problem is organic, if it's medical, if it's mental, then we can help you navigate. Then also in the Christian faith, counseling is okay.

It is okay.

It is okay to find a counselor. And it doesn't always have to be a Christian counselor because sometimes you don't match.

Right.

And sometimes maybe the person forces too much.

It doesn't make sense to you in the natural. And that's okay. And a lot of people, it has to make sense to you. Especially men.

Correct.

Men are very logical. So if somebody comes on so heavy spiritually, men are like, wait a minute, wait a minute. But what about when she does this?

Exactly, exactly.

It's gotta make sense.

Find the counselor. And then for us within the church, let's take the stigma out of mental illness.

Right?

So we tend to, usually not just in the church, but we tend to judge those who have mental illness. We tend to judge those who seek counseling. But those are steps you need to take. Appropriate steps.

I don't even call it mental illness. I call it mental challenges.

That's a good one.

Health challenges.

It's a health. It is health.

It's health challenges. It is health. So yeah, it is. I mean, we all, I tell people all the time, I say, why do you get so hyper spiritual on me when I say, go see a counselor? I said, because, you know, if you were, you know, having, if you were throwing up or having diarrhea for 14, 15 months, you will go. You would be at the ER.

That's right.

But if you've got diarrhea of the brain or diarrhea of thinking or constipation or you can't get your thoughts working right, you for 14, 15 months, you need to go talk to somebody to sort it out, to get a different perspective, to get some help.

Yes, you do. And then be mindful during the holidays. Like we started with the holiday, talking about the holidays. Don't overspend.

Yeah, right. Don't get yourself in a mess.

No. Don't get yourself in financial stress. You can't do it. It's okay. And set the right expectations. You can't go to five houses. It's okay. Yeah, I'll see you Exactly. Your mental health matters and you need to take care of it. Your mental. Your health matter.

Just health? Yes. Because your brain is a part of your body.

Yes.

Yeah, it matters.

So take care of yourself.

I think a lot of people are doing a great job, though, Dr. Sandra, in the Christian world of trying to take the stigma off of this, you know, because for so long in the Christian world, you know, if you had a problem, you just come to the altar.

Yep. And that holds you down until you.

Hold down until the demon comes out, wait for the snake to come up out of here. But I mean, and that's just. That's not true. Yes, sometimes it does happen like that at the altar. But in mental cases, in our mind, in emotional cases, our mind, our will, our emotions, our soulish man, I don't see it that way much, meant instant healing or instant deliverance like that in our emotional man. It's a process because it was a process getting to that point.

To where you are.

Yeah, to where you are. I mean, everything from the way you were raised, things that happened to you in school, the way you were treated, the way you were talked to the way you were, disciplined relationships gone bad, family history, family history, all of that shapes us and molds us and it changes the way we think and our perspective on life. And if you ended up at this place, it's going to take some time to get out of it. And we want instant, don't we?

We do want instant. You mentioned something about your upbringing and your family history. Our children, teenagers, are going through severe challenges that if us parents, if we as parents don't pay attention, we may just miss it because we're seeing a lot of them as well, going through the struggles that we went through. So how do I, as a parent take care of my child with any mental challenges if I haven't taken care of myself?

You can't. You can't because you cannot produce what you're not. You can't give what you don't have. So how are you going to help your children get through these things? And it's so frustrating when you know you've got the answer and you've been through things and you want to help, but they don't listen.

You just won't take them by the neck and squeeze them till the eyeballs pop out.

But, you know, we just do the best we can do, pray for them.

But you have to be healed.

You have to.

So what resources are out there from a spiritual standpoint besides just reading scriptures, memorizing scripture, Meditating on it, which we should. But are there any other resources in the spiritual realm that people can have access to?

Absolutely. I mean, you've got. I believe in mentors. I really believe in, you know, you can't do life alone. Life's too hard and you shouldn't do life. We were created for religion, relationship. The Bible even says every joint supplies. We supply each other. And what every joint means. Like, if you're the hand in the body of Christ and I'm the arm, I supply you and you supply me. So we've got to find where we fit so that we can have accountability and structure set up in our life to where we supply each other. Right. And we've got to be joined to healthy parts so that we can get the healthy supply. Be in a healthy church. Be in a Bible believing word church, a faith church. I believe in mentorship. Like I just said, every joint supplied. I believe in counseling our church. I'm so thankful that we have a program called Healing the Heart. And it. And it goes throughout the year for people who can just jump in when they need to and they just clean out the pipes is really what I call it is. I've probably taken it 12 times. My pipes have been clogged up.

I've taken it too.

See, So, I mean, just take it as many times as you need to, because there's always going to be layers that you pull back and you deal with this issue. Then you feel like, ooh, I can breathe a minute. And then something else flares up in your life. You got to jump in and take it again because, ooh, I didn't know I was struggling in that. There's resources like going to Living Waters Ministry in North Carolina. There's. There's tons of counseling. If you got marriage problems, there's XO counseling in Dallas. Love them so much. Just lots of resources. Don't say there's nothing out there. You got to search them out.

And not only do you search, but reach out. Community, community, community. Otherwise you are isolated and your symptoms just worsen. Find community. People you trust, people that will uplift you, but also people who will tell you the truth.

Tell you the truth. You gotta raise your flag. You gotta wave it. You cannot suffer by yourself. You got to be honest. That's the first step in getting free in any area of your life is being honest, saying, you know what? I just suck at this area. I'm struggling over here. My marriage is this. My parenting skills are that I feel like this. You know, I want to Choke people. You've got to be honest and ask for help. Yes. And get the help that you need. Correct. Guys, I want you to have an amazing day, an amazing Thanksgiving. Is it perfect in every family? Absolutely not. But we do have something to be thankful for, every one of us. Listen, if you woke up today on the top part of the ground, you got a lot to be thankful for. If you brushed your own teeth today, if you were able to comb your own hair, look around you, look around the room. Today you got kids running around who are healthy. A lot of people don't have healthy kids. Come on. You got people who love you and encourage you. We've got a lot to be thankful for. Jesus loves you. He died for you. He died that you could have an amazing life. He said that he wanted you to live life abundantly. So if you are not living an abundant life, I'd encourage you to pursue whatever it takes to live an abundant life. Do the work. Do the work right now. Yeah. You say it's a lot of work. It's so much work. Or it's expensive to get counseling. And do you want to live broken? Do you want to live depressed? Or do you want to live free? Make the investment. Make the necessary changes. Because God wants you to live an abundant life. Happy Thanksgiving. We love you so much. We love you, Dr. Sandra. We love you, Pastor. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. God bless you. Until next time, it's Ron and Hope and Sandra. Unfiltered.