How the Wife Abuses Sex in Marriage | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign.

Hello, everybody. It's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real raw, relevant. So glad you're here today, Ron. What we talking about? Not a call.

Say hey to everybody first before we go right into it.

Hey.

And.

Oh. Ron is a week and two days out from surgery, and he's doing good.

I'm wearing baggy pants because of my knees all.

And you're not using crutches, which you're supposed to be.

No, I'm in my second day of being able to walk a little bit on my own.

But you're supposed to be using crutches and you're not supposed to be driving till next week. And you drove yesterday and today. Hmm.

So haven't I been good, though? Except for disobeying, I've been really good. Cause I hear how much babies men can be like when they recover. And this and that and the other. Have I been that at all?

I have not said you were a baby. I said you were stubborn.

Like how.

Cause you're not wearing your crutches.

That's not stubborn.

And you are. You are driving when she clearly said not to.

She told me not to drive for a couple of days.

Brian Carpenter. She said two weeks.

I heard her.

I even had to call the doctor on the phone. Cause this dude wanted me to take him to the gym two days after he had surgery so he could get on the bicycle to try to loosen his knee.

You don't want to let scar tissue go up, around, so you gotta keep moving.

She said, absolutely, baby.

Her exact words were, motion is lotion.

I can't stand you right now.

Did she not say that? She did say that. Okay.

But she didn't.

That's what I heard. To apply the lotion, I heard is lotion. That's all I needed. So I'll take care of my own rehab.

And then you asked me to get you a T shirt that said that.

That's what my daughter looked back at me and said. She said, motion is lotion.

And Ron looked me and said, amen.

Amen. So I need a T shirt. Said, motion is low.

Anyway. Anyway, y' all pray for me.

Wait, did I hear today's topic?

What is today's topic, Ron?

How a wife can unknowingly abuse sex.

Wait, unknowingly or knowingly?

Both intentionally and subconsciously abuse sex at Christmas.

So I can understand now that you said, at Christmas. Now I see where you're going. You're trying to say that we're more generous with sex.

I'm saying my money is disappearing.

And that's abuse. Is that what you said?

I said the Lord would forbid it. I come up with biblical references, but the Lord forbids it. He says, do not deprive yourself from one another with the exception of fasting.

But you just said that it was abuse. If I had sex with you.

If you bargain with it or wager it in any way, then it becomes something very non spiritual.

Wager. Yes, you do. This is supposed to be real raw and relevant. I'm gonna tell on you.

I think I laid down a 51 time on nightstand Run. I was playing because you got mad and said 50.

I hate you today. I can't stand you. We are not discussing this.

I got wrong. I got First Corinthians 7.

What?

Where it talks about you not authority over your own body. I was going to discuss that today and break it down biblically for everybody.

Go ahead, start.

Okay, you want to talk about Christmas?

No, I just want to listen to this.

I'm going to.

I'm going to be quiet and let you do this podcast because for some reason you.

You talk about the expert.

No, go ahead.

No, seriously, the Bible says.

I know what it says.

It's hard for people to understand that now, ain't it? What, like I read that right here on the west coast where we're taping from today. I read that and the whole building was quiet, like they had never heard that verse and didn't know it was.

In there, that the wife is in the house.

It says, do not deprive yourself of one another. And it goes on to talk about. Because the woman is not in authority over her body. The man is. That's a. That is a wild statement. I mean, if you think about it, that is a wild statement.

I think we've taken it out of context.

I don't think we've been forced it enough.

I think you're taking it out of context.

And so I looked at the people, I said, and the woman, you're using.

It for abuse right now.

The woman does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And I said, and all the men said amen. All the men said amen?

Yes.

Then it says, and the man does not have authority over his own body, but the woman does. And I looked at the men and said. And all the men said amen again. So really, it didn't matter either way with the men. They said amen to both sides. So, you know, the fact that I.

You know, I keep waiting on the age that you're going to turn.

You really wouldn't want that.

When you are not as driven, you wouldn't want that.

I think that would be one of the saddest days ever.

Oh, God.

Plus, I told you what I'd do before I let that happen. I told people, I said, all these men that struggle in that area and they won't go see a doctor by the side. I've never understood that. I said I would get me an IV pump on side where I could just take the thing and pump it. I'd walk around with it on me. Oh, some things you just can't lose in life.

Ron, is this what we talking about?

I wanted to talk about First Corinthians 7, but you keep taking another. What do you think that verse means? A woman's not an authority over own body, but a man is.

I don't know. I hadn't studied it.

Studied it. Greek.

I mean, there's always another meaning.

What do you think?

There's always a context.

I'm open.

There's always a time and season. Like where they were when they were talking about this, what was going on. Like, people say women aren't supposed to preach in church. That's not what that scripture means. That scripture means women at the time were hollering out in service balcony, in a balcony. And they were telling women to be quiet in church. It's not that a woman can't preach. See, there's. There's context.

What do you think the context?

I don't know because I have not studied it.

May have been told I have.

What do you think, Ronald?

I know the context.

What do you think, Ronaldo?

Talking about men and women, Men and women bartering with their bodies toward each other. And he talked about. You do not.

Bartering.

You don't need to be depriving each other. In other words, withholding if you don't get your way or given too much to get your way or this and that and other. In other words, it was not to be used that way. Exactly what he was talking about.

Yeah, but I think it can be extremely abusive. If you want to talk about abuse, if a woman is upset with the man or they've been fighting and she is not there mentally and emotionally to have sex. And he looks at her and says, well, you're not in charge of your own body. You got to have sex with.

But usually when I say that, dude, that's when you bust out laughing and we. We begin to heal our conflict. Ron, when I say something funny like that, it's true.

I'm over here being.

Do I not make you laugh sometime when you're trying to be frustrated?

You do.

You try to be really frustrated, and I make you bust out laughing.

I think it's abusive. You were talking about the abuse.

He was talking about, don't deprive yourself from one another. So evidently, he's talking to the people at Corinth. People at Corinth were extremely heathens. They were heathens. It's the only book in the Bible where Paul had to address incest. I mean, that's nuts. And you got to understand, he's addressing it in church. Yeah, he's not addressing Las Vegas as a city. He's addressing the church. And he's having to address all types of craziness and immorality. Well, in 1 Corinthians 11, he deals with marriage, and he deals with it. I mean, and he says some very hard things. Not a lot of people go. When I was in Bible school, I had to read a book in one of my pastoral classes on divorce and remarriage. And Jesus has some statements. But in the evolution of the church after the Book of Acts, Paul really starts driving home the boundaries of marriage. And, I mean, there's some tough, tough statements in there that I never see people writing books about. I never hear anybody preaching or teaching about. And to be honest, people don't even bring them into marriage conference stuff anymore. Let's talk about how to relate and get along better and stuff, Resolve conflict and all that. But he basically is evidently in that church, there was immorality being created. And that's where he also talked about being better to marry than to burn. Don't deprive one another. So basically, there were people that were withholding from their spouse. Their spouse was getting their needs met in other areas because all of their desires were out of control. And he is. He's literally having to come in and set those boundaries.

So the root is sin, not necessarily having to have sex with your spouse any other time.

I think most of what he addressed in book, Book of First Corinthians is sin. He got up and started talking about gifts. You know, he started talking about gifts in chapter 12, love in chapter 13, church order in chapter 14. But when you start looking at the first few chapters, man, he's addressing all kind of craziness. And it's funny when he gets to that, he starts talking about the depriving of this one area of their life from one another. So actually, and let's don't act like we don't do that in marriage. It's actually was. The sex was not something freely given to a spouse out of an act of love. But evidently it was some medium of exchange. So people were using it to get what they wanted or holding it when they didn't get what they wanted. And he stopped that. He said, the only way anybody should be deprived is if two of you are using it in the season of a fast to both seek God. He said, and then you got to both agree. And I had a woman one time in a counseling session back in the 90s when I did the counseling, there was a couple in there, and she was being extremely spiritual about it. I think he was somewhat spiritual, but he wasn't like her. She said, you know, God is calling me away to fast, and he's just going to have to deal with it. And I looked at the lady, I said, whether or not you want both of you to go into a fast of your bodies and of your sex life, I said, you don't need to ask God. I said, you need to ask him. I said, because God put him in authority over that. And I could tell I blew her mind.

What if you don't have a couple who is on the same page spiritually? You have one that's not saved or one that's rebellious, or one that's a hellion?

Well, I think that's what he's trying.

It's the man.

I think that's what he's trying to call.

The man's in authority of all of this. But you got to submit to ungodly headship.

That's tough. And I don't know that the Bible truly answers that question. It's easy to submit to a godly man, but does God still require submission?

That's why he says, don't be unequally.

Yoked to an ungodly man.

Don't be in that position in the first place.

That would be the way look at it. Don't do it in the first place. But what if somebody later in life, they're 38 years old and the woman gets saved or the man gets saved and the spouse is not, Then the fact is, there may have been things that were acceptable in the marriage that were basically immoral in some way or another or that were accepted in the sex life, and then one wants to continue and one feels not. Those are questions where I cannot take you straight to Bible answers. But we do talk about it. If I were counseling that couple, we do talk about it in our marriage conference where The a lot of times people want somebody like me and you, they'll come to us because they want us to speak to an area. And I've always told people, if the Bible doesn't speak, I don't know that I have a right to. So here's what I've always taught people. I didn't get this from a book. This is just the way me and you work. If it's something that the Bible doesn't specifically speak to, then the next it is the ultimate authority. The next line of authority is what I call human conscience. Does it violate your conscience? And if the conscience of either one is violated, if it is truly a marriage and you truly love your spouse, then until that's worked out, overcome, or if it's just going to be a terminal boundary, then that should be respected by both parties because I've always said nothing is enjoyable if one person is enduring it.

Agreed.

And so the word of God, does it speak specifically to it? The word of God speaks to a lot more than we think it does because nobody takes the book of Proverbs into account. I mean, Song of Solomon and Song of Solomon is not just a sweet allegory of Jesus and the church. It is a book of erotic love between a man and a woman. And all the symbolism in there is all having to do something that is sexual and persuasion, parts of the body, this, that, and that book is full of it. And people don't read it like that because they don't want to ever approach the Bible feeling that part of them being in any way stimulated by the Bible. But the fact is God created that, and he speaks to it very vividly in the Book of Song Solomon. So that's what I would say. You say, what about ungodly leadership? I would say, even to the ungodly leadership, even if you don't, even if you don't respect God, do you respect your spouse? And if you respect your spouse, you have to respect the conscience of a spouse, of what they feel comfortable with and what they don't. Or then do you truly love them? If you don't care what they feel or what they like, what they don't like, what they appreciate. I said, then that's a whole nother can that you're opening there. But when we started talking about this, I knew it probably wasn't going to take 30 or 40 minutes because it is what it is. But I said, you know, hope it's these things like this where people really do struggle.

Yeah, I agree. I hear it all the time, all the time.

It's amazing when me and you get. When people get me and you alone. That's harder to do as our. Our world has gotten a little bigger. You know, just getting one on one. And me and you are kind of like after we work real hard, we kind of like. Kind of like our time with each other now. You know, now that we're empty nesters. So getting alone with us is probably a little more difficult. But we're amazed when people finally do get us alone and they like and they can us whether they want to. You know, if 10 times 6 or 7, it'll go there to little questions.

Like that age, hormones, energy, the lack of energy, the lack of hormones, getting older, all of those things affect or factors. Yeah. For desire, for sex.

Yep.

For instance, you know, and men need to dwell with their wife with understanding.

Right. Like dwell you like. I desire you a lot more than I did when I was 20. So you know, I do know the age is a factor, Ronald. And I know you feel the same way. Let's just pretend you do. For God. Let me think that. Let me do my mind.

I love you so much more today than I have ever loved you.

But.

But honestly, for a woman most of the time at my age, sex is not the first thing we think about or we. I get excited just to be with you, to watch a movie, go on a trip. But still I'm glad because of your head.

I'm glad you're just thinking when are.

We going to have sex?

And. And I'm glad because for the majority of our marriage it was the first thing on your mind and I was getting tired of it. Gosh, I was getting weary of it because you can't get up every day.

True.

I know it and have to answer for that.

Terrible. It's terrible.

What would. Okay, what would you say? This is a hard one.

Oh.

If you have a husband's whose desire are out in front of yours and that's normal and it comes naturally for you to want that intimacy at certain times, but it comes natural to him to do it more. I'm not going to say what we used to call that, but it was hilarious what we used to call it.

No, but that is a normal phenomenon.

But let me tell you what you did that I thought was always healthy. It's not sexy at all, but I always thought it was healthy. I understood that after you ate wedding cake, it did something to your hormonal balance and it took so much of your sex drive from you.

Oh, okay.

I don't know what it is about that daggone wedding cake, but somebody needs to look into that.

It's chemical in there.

Well, they got RFK going to be looking into the fda. He needs to look into wedding cake because it was something about a woman's sex drive gets destroyed. Yeah. Right after that. So long and short of it is especially like pregnancy and postpartum and all that. I mean, you know, you are nursing kids. I mean it's just there's nothing left. And so a man has to deal with that because he don't have a switch that says off just because you're in a different season. So you know, it does take something. As a man, I'm a red blooded boy. So you know, I remember.

I always think that's a time where a woman has to be sacrificial.

Okay. You always called it. There are times when a woman makes love to her husband. Then you would say, but there are other times that are. Ministry.

Yeah, it's ministry now.

You're the only person I've ever heard say that. Explain. To explain to a woman, just knowing.

What your spouse needs, I mean it's, it takes sex out of the picture. Anything in marriage. I know what you need. I know you need a break. I have to provide for that. I know you need some fun in your life. So I minister to you, I create something for you. I know that you're wanting special time with me. It could be sex, it could be a trip. It could be. So I know that you're needing that in your life. You could be hurt or somebody had hurt your feelings and you need to be more me to be more attentive to you. That's just knowing what your spouse needs. And to me that is coming to the aid of somebody you love. Well, insert sex into that. I may not desire that today, but I know that that is just on your mind today.

Okay, let's talk about the desire part. We talk about that. We're not even doing a marriage conference this year, so I'm not promoting it. But these are things we talk about in our marriage conference. Biological fact. During stress, the sexual desire of a man increases.

Right. But it's the opposite in a woman.

In a woman, as her stress increases, sex is the last thing on her mind. You know, I don't know. I don't know if the tree created us like that or God created us like that. But it's like we go.

I'm going to ask.

It's like we go in two different directions. So you know, you know God, you know. 2012, my dad passed. He's been terminally ill. People have been taking care of him. He passes, he goes to be with Jesus. I have 4,000 pastors coming in from all over the world. I got to organize that within, like, three days. And my daddy wants me to preach his funeral. And so I got all this chaos. And I remember, you know, my stress. Well, one of the things that a man physically, physically gets out of sex is release. There's a release factor in it. A woman usually comes into it for uniqueness. There's nobody like me special. Special you don't love. You'll never love anybody like you love me. The bond that comes in it, a man. A man has those elements too. But there's a great release in it for a man. So the stress increase. That is a stress release. So if you come to me seeing that during that time, it may not be sexual desire kicking in, but ministry kicks in. And that's one thing I'll just say about you right here in front of everybody in that area. You've always had what I thought was a healthy outlook on that. And then in other times, I just have to be respectful enough. You know, we're going through don't ask.

Right. I'm exhausted.

Yeah, just don't ask. Don't, don't ask.

Right, right. This self control.

And so, you know, that would be selfish on my part. Just like, you know, I can. I can do without. She's had a bad day and she's exhausted. And so these are. These are what I think are healthy responses to this. But when it comes back.

But you started out.

Let's be serious. Let's be serious. I said, you know what I call it? The sexual abuses a wife can use. Yeah. The fact is, for either in a marriage, that cannot be a bargaining tool for anything. Because when that begins to enter the picture, and I'm not talking about kidding and playing around, I'm talking about for real. When it, you know, I'm mad at you. And then a month goes by, or I want something, or if I do this, maybe she'll. All that is a formula of manipulation. And manipulation, as we understand it, is of the spirit of witchcraft. And so if I am manipulating you to do something I want against your own will and your own desire, the Bible teaches it's not just unhealthy. The Bible teaches that can deteriorate into demonic activity. And so we've gone here from huge laughter into talking about demonic activity. But you got to be Careful what you use to try to twist and turn somebody in your direction. Because the Bible starts speaking of that as you can get off into something ugly real quick. And so that was kind of what I. We haven't been quite the half hour that I usually go on the podcast, but I thought that would be something that some people. It might scratch their itch. Like, I didn't even know those scriptures were in the Bible. Don't deprive yourself. Go read First Corinthians 7. Very challenging chapter. The whole chapter talks about marriage, talks about sex, talks about depriving one another, talks about divorce, remarriage. The whole chapter, very challenging. But the main thing he says is that I have a say so in you. You don't have the right to just take you away from me. And you have a say so in me, and I don't have the right. The two have become one flesh. We belong to each other. And therefore, I can't make decisions totally and completely outside of you. That's what that's saying that whatever decisions I'm making, you, Your needs, what you feel and where you're at needs to be taken into consideration.

Absolutely.

And that's the healthy part of marriage. That's a mature marriage.

It is.

That's mature marriage.

But a lot of men would love.

To take that scripture and twist it.

And twist and use it.

Like they say, Ephesians, Ephesians 5, wives, submit to your husbands. I've heard men say some of the most ridiculous things, right? And you know what I say about that? I like, you know, because they're the head of the house. I'm like, okay, well, let's talk about that a minute. You know, headship. Okay. How did Jesus get to be the head? The Bible says he humbled himself.

Yeah.

And became obedient unto death, even death on a cross. Therefore, God highly exalted him and gave him a place above every place and a name above every name. So the only way to be the head is to die. And so I tell the men, you want to be the head, then you got to be the most crucified one in the house. And they are like, whoa, I don't want to be head now.

Right? No, I'm head just because I'm the man.

That's not what that means. So, you know, before you go start quoting, realize what the Bible says in the context that it's in. Anything else you want to say along these lines, you need to tell them about your inner circle.

Yes.

Any year, end specials, anything you can Do. I'm not putting you on the spot. I just didn't know if you planned anything.

Well, the first month is free. When you join.

That's everybody, right?

Anybody who joins at any time. And you get my book for free. But we talked about this the other day in inner circle that, you know, it is Christmas, the time of giving. Most people give gifts. You know, we have hundreds of sweaters and socks and pots and pans and pictures and all the things we give people for Christmas, you know, and that really doesn't change your life.

I mean, you know, nice gesture.

Nice gesture enhances you. You're telling somebody you love them. But if you're really wanting to help somebody and advance them and make them better, body, soul and spirit, it's gifts like this, you know, the inner circle, sending them to a conference or, you know, giving them books, something that is going to change their mindset, which will then change their life. You know, you change your thinking, you change your life. So, you know, I wish you would consider giving somebody that you love a gift of the inner circle. Just sign them up and you pay for it for them. Do you have a daughter? Do you have a friend who, you know, really is stuck or really needs to be pulled up into higher level thinking? I would love for you to sign them up. So go to hopesinnercircle.com and give that gift this year, all right?

And guys, I want you to check out the Vault. It's my entire archive of preaching. And I got another app that's been created with AI where AI has now gone into everything that I've ever prayed, every altar call I've ever given, every blessing I've ever spoken, every ministry, every message I've ever preached and gone in and can become like a personal Ron Carpenter, walking around on your phone, ask questions, ask for prayer, ask for guidance, getting ready to start a business. You got any tips for the first year? And it'll just, whatever it is, learn from me. It doesn't speak on its own. It speaks what it's learned from me.

I know a lot of people are.

Funky about AI well, they think that AI is a computer token. And can God anoint a computer? You got to understand, it's not talking out of itself. No, it's talking out of me. So it goes into my archive in a matter of seconds and pulls back out the answer that you're looking for to your question.

I think it's pretty cool.

I think it's cool. I think it could really be helpful. I can't imagine like my mentors, if a Dr. Miles Monroe had something like that, everything he ever said, and I've stayed on that thing all day, every day. And then it has a feature on it where it responds with 280 words or less. Excuse me. Then it has a feature that if you want to know where did it get that information, then it will go to the vault and show you where it was pulled from. And then you can listen to six.

Hours of it, which conference you were preaching.

So it's really, really cool the way we got it set up. I've got some really smart people that's helped me put this together. Another part of me being in that season of my life, I want to start taking the things that God has shown me over this long journey of ministry. And I want to make sure that it's in the earth for a long time. And so we love you.

You got some hate from somebody mad at you for using AI and then mad at you for charging y'.

All.

These things cost. There is an administration fee to run this thing.

It cost me $40,000 a year just to keep the app running right. And I don't know and you know, if I want to charge somebody $9, everything I've ever.

Some guy said, oh, I thought I didn't know the gospel. There was a price on the gospel. There's not a price on the gospel, but there is a price on creating.

There's a price. What it cost me, an administration and.

People that run your platforms. It does cost.

And that's not talking about the, the cost of creating the app. That's what it cost me to administrator on a yearly basis. And so we do have a subscription fee on it. It's not ready yet. We'll come out with it the first of the year. I think it could be a great tool for all of you. We've had some fun today. We've had some laughs, but also may have helped somebody.

Yeah. And listen, if you're on the East coast on December 22, we're going to two services at our campus in Greenville, South Carolina, 9:00am and 11:15. I will be preaching that service. And then here on the west Coast, Pastor Ro, 9am and 11:15 for our Christmas service. It's going to be spectacular.

Get here or get online and enjoy them. We went over everything today. It's going to be an amazing time. And until next time, hope you had a few laughs and got some questions answered. It's Ron and Hope. Real unfiltered, real raw and relevant. We love you. We'll see you real soon.