I Feel So Alone | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign.

Introduce us, babe.

It's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real raw and relevant.

How you doing today?

I am busy today. What about you?

Because we were just talking to everybody. Helps us do this Yesterday. You didn't have a good day yesterday. Ron, tell us about your day yesterday.

You really want me to tell.

I didn't do anything. Oh, I was just there to try to bring comfort to whatever volcano was happening on the inside of you.

Oh, whatever.

Look, we've established this is not a marriage podcast, but we got some young married couples in here to help us do things. And so they. They were asking us. I said, there's sometimes. And you just help me. Where women just have.

We've already talked about this, right?

We have. What'd you call? Just unwritten permission to be a meanie?

No, we've already discussed it.

Well, let's discuss it again. If people hadn't heard it. It's unwritten permission.

You like to drag stuff out, so.

And you're beating a dead horse. You get to be a meanie because I have hormones.

I have hormones that you don't have, and they are on a cycle. And you teach this at the marriage conference, so you should understand. And the Bible says you are to live with her, with knowledge.

I thought we had done been through that phase.

Have you forgotten?

We've been through that phase where all the hormone stuff stops, Ron.

I'm still taking hormones and I'm on the back end of them.

I'm gonna hide them. Suckers.

I need them.

I'm gonna take them and hide them.

I need my hormones. I get them in two weeks, so I'm on the back end. So you're going to pay a heavy price.

What do men do on those days when all of their decisions are meaningless and whatever they desire does not matter? And you just walk around angry, just mad at people. You're mad at things and you're just mad at people. And we don't know what to do. We don't know what to do. We want to make it better, but we don't know what to do.

You were mad yesterday that I had to get my fingernails done. Yeah, you were. And then I went to get my eyelashes done and you got your finger.

I wasn't mad because you got your fingernails done. I'm mad because as soon as you get them done, you start pulling them back off.

And then you were like, well, this.

Was Monday, picking them in the car.

This was our day. And I thought I was going to have all this, this time had A.

Day off since the 80s. Oh, my goodness. So I was trying to look for one, but then we got your things done. But you were very adamant about where we were going to eat and things we were going to do.

Okay.

And the schedule we was going to have.

Okay.

And so.

Well, I'm not going to argue.

I just accommodated you.

Just going to let you look like glows shining star.

So for all those who have this question, what do we do? I don't possess that answer. I'm still in that hunt for truth.

Oh, God. And we've been married how long?

I'm in that hunt for that revelation.

33 years.

I'm in that hunt for revelation myself. But I do like you.

Just hang on, hang on. You love my boots. Are you making fun? Y' all want to see my boots? Those of you who are watching, they are the cutest.

I went to Dick's Sporting Goods a while back.

Don't, Ron. Ron, this could be bad for you.

I came home with a pair of sneakers and a few workout items, and I got fussed at. And three pair of boots were dropped at my door yesterday by Mr. Amazon, and I just.

And I spent way less than you did at Dick's Sporting. Good, Ron.

Okay, okay. They must be pleather, then.

$69.

They're not leather, they're pleather.

They're pleather, and they feel so pleasing.

People are actually coming on this podcast looking for truth and revelation.

They're probably dying, laughing, feeling like I can identify.

Yeah, well, actually, what we won't talk about today is not really funny. Maybe God helped us lighten the mood a little bit.

What are we talking about today? I feel so alone.

Alone, alone.

And I'm sure everybody listening has felt like that at one or two or 12 times in the world.

Let me tell you where we're coming from. And I got. I want to talk about alone. I want to talk about what causes alone. But then I want to talk about the spiritual significance of it. That makes it better. When you understand that. Bless you. When you understand that there's a purpose.

You'Re not just sleeping.

Yeah. Behind aloneness. So let me hit you. Let me hit people with this Hope and I confession here. I would have made fun of myself years ago for doing this, but actually, I got intrigued because me and Hope have evolved into doing so much marital stuff. Marital information, marital podcast, marital topics. We go sit down on TV on daystar and stuff, talk about our marriage. Marriage books. I don't know that we ever saw ourselves as the marriage couple. But our testimony, I think, lends to some people.

God's done a lot of miracles.

I think because of our testimony, people say, you know what? They've been to hell and back, and they survived. So maybe they got something to say. And we don't have everything to say, but we do have something to say. So our son and his girlfriend were watching Love is Blind several seasons ago.

Okay.

And I didn't want to watch it. When he told me about it, I'm like, I don't want to watch that. But he actually turned it on while he was at our house.

Yes. He forced us to watch it.

I'll be honest with you. I got intrigued. Another funny moment right here. I don't think I could do it. I did not fall in love with Hope's spirit. I didn't fall in love with a personality trait. I'm going to tell you the thing that got my attention is I thought she's the finest thing I'd ever seen in my life. I thought she was tall. I thought she was gorgeous. I thought she was a blonde bombshell. And I walked all over that campus that night until I found her. So, you know, could I pick somebody without looking at them? This ain't what the podcast is about. No. I would have had to have been attracted to you first, and then everything would have been right.

What if you just loved their voice and their personality and then that door opened and they were a Oompa Loompa?

I would not be able to. I would not be able to hide on my face. I wouldn't be able to hide.

Or just something you just totally were not attracted to.

I could do it. Call me superficial. Call me what you want to do.

I don't think I could either.

But the fact is, one of the reasons I fell so in love with you is I thought you were physically beautiful. That got us into the conversation. To me finding out all the other things I loved about you. So I'm scoring points right here, pretty much, ain't I? I done dug myself out of that. That hole fell in earlier, came all the way back out of it. So we're watching Love is Blind, and most of these people, not all of them, are around, like, 30.

Yeah.

Okay. There's some 24 to 26. There's some that are 34, 35. Most of them, the median age, I'd say, is about 30. And they're tired of meaningless relationships. And many of them will talk about alone being a driving factor. I come home, and even though I may have had A one night stand. Basically. I come home alone. Nobody really cares about me because I'm alone. Something happened to me, I would be alone.

I never thought I'd be alone.

Yeah. I'm 35 and didn't think I'd be alone. And so I looked at it and I'm like, you know, number one, alone. The state of being alone can be a terrible, terrible force in being a driving factor for decision making. I saw my mom. My mom and my dad did everything together. Just did everything. But when I saw the deep, dark aloneness my mama fell into, and I didn't know how to remedy it.

She had been with your dad since she was 16 years old.

Maybe even before. I think the date is 16. But they knew each other, I think, before that.

But I mean, with them, they were.

Literally teenage sweethearts all the way until senior citizen age. Yeah. But I saw firsthand a very, very stable woman, a very strong woman basically fall into an aloneness. And I remember even a talk with my mother one time. Mama, don't let aloneness drive your decision making. Drive your decision making. Yeah. Because I don't know that people that are alone if they see clearly. Because you're able to open. Overlook a ton of red flags when you're alone.

Yeah. Just to have that need met.

Yes. There's such a driving companionship. There's such a driving need for companionship and relationship. I think there's a danger that even if it's a friend or if it's someone we're dating or thinking about marrying, you will overlook a lot of things because at least being with them soothes the pain of alone. At least I'm not by my. Are they perfect? No. But I'm not by myself.

Yeah.

I think being with the wrong person would probably be worse than being by yourself.

Oh, my goodness. Absolutely.

And so, I mean, even not just.

Couples like you just said, even in friendships, just, you know, some people just cannot be without a friend.

Yep.

You know, be able to go home with their spouse or, you know, and.

I don't think that's healthy, baby. I don't think that's healthy. Yeah. There's a healthy alone and there's an unhealthy. The unhealthy alone is usually through some type of trauma. It can be through some type of social awkwardness.

Yeah.

It can be through an inability to sustain relationships. I could probably list 40 things of how you arrived. It could be you just got out of a divorce. It could be you don't relate to people well. It could Be you just got a new career and you moved to a city of 12 million people. And the fact is, you don't know a soul. There can be a lot of factors, and then they're not bad factors. It can just factors where you are in a place and you are isolated. Let me tell you, I believe not all isolation is traumatizing. Demonic and devil and sin and bad. I think there are times where in your journey, God has seasons of isolation. Why? Because I think God likes to restore focus. When God takes other people out of the picture, he can restore focus on him. And a lot of times I've noticed in my life where I look around and say, man, I ain't really got anybody. And people are like, sure, Ron, you ain't got anybody. No, there's always people around me, but there's different people being around you, and you have been somebody. And when I've looked around my life, at times when I really needed something because I was empty and looked around me and there was not that person. There was nobody. I usually. It forced me to pull on God in a way that, excuse me, I would not formally pull on Him. Does that make sense?

Yeah, it does.

It pushes you. It pushes you to seek that companionship with him until you finally get to a place with him and that relationship where, you know, right now you're doing so good with God, nobody else having a relationship with Him. It doesn't matter. You're completely fooled. We had somebody that we just married not too long ago that said when they met, she was there. She said, you know, when I'm. I'd gotten over something, but I'd gotten saved and I started pursuing God. And when I met Him, I was really in a good place, right? And I was like, you know, you can leave or you can stay, but I mean, God's good. I think there are times where you're your assignment. I've been preaching on assignment demands, times of isolation. There'll be times even you, maybe in our journey, you know, before we started healing, you went off by yourself.

Yeah. And it was very healthy.

And it was healthy. But if you don't mind, and I don't want to hit a vulnerable place with you. This ain't scripted. I mean, you were by yourself out in the middle of nowhere.

And I will. I'll talk about that. But right now, we got a shout out to our sponsor.

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Promo code RAH guys, don't forget the promo code RAH. I'm unabashedly letting you know this is not church, okay? This is Ron and Hope podcast and we love these sponsors and we think they are great sponsors because we line up with their values, line up with what they do. And the fact is, when you go use that promo code, this right here don't just happen. All this takes money. There are people working on the other side of the camera. You don't know. And it takes a lot to do what we're doing. And the fact is that helps us pay the bills. So check out Nutrafol. Go to that promo code R A H. We really appreciate it. Now we're talking about your time. We were separated. For those who don't know our testimony, we went to a very, very difficult season.

It's all chronicled in my book, the Most Beautiful Disaster.

So we won't go into that here. There's not enough time for that. But during that time, we both agreed, even though at first we weren't even looking at trying to salvage our marriage, that you were in a place where you needed to get away. You needed to be isolated, and you needed to get away from everything that was familiar.

The main thing to me after we separated, I left to go stay at Living Waters. One of the problems was I had so many issues and so many unresolved pain points in my life that I had never slowed down long enough to deal with me. And I think that's one reason that people detest being alone.

Because you have to be with yourself.

Yes. And being isolated is because you have to look at you. You have to really sit there and say, why am I in this place? What got me here? What part did I participate in? Where was I the problem? You know, and you really have to evaluate, you and I. But I think it's so healthy because, you know, so many people see things about you that you don't see in yourself. You know, you have blind spots, and I see issues in you that you don't see. You see issues in me that I don't see. But when you're all alone and you have to sit and deal with those issues, that's where growth comes. That's where the healthy part comes.

Here again, the healthy side of isolation. I believe it brings focus. I believe it helps you look at you. I believe it helps you get a better perspective of reality when you're. When there is a dominant emotion in your life. Sadness, loneliness, anger. When there is a dominant emotion. It has been my experience, more so for women, but for men and women, but even more so, women are vulnerable. I think all logic goes out the window.

Yeah.

So that's why I said you can't reason. Yeah, you can't reason. You don't see clearly, you don't think clearly. The things that would cause you to. You overlook, the things that you don't sense. Danger. You know what I'm talking about. You're not aware of dangers that lie ahead. Things get blurred when there's a dominant emotion. So if I want my decisions to clear up, I got to go back and deal with the emotion. So loneliness, many times is not just. You have lost people. I've often said this. This is not original with me, but I don't remember exactly where I heard it for the first time. So I give credit to whoever's the first person to say it a lot of times. Hope, when we're lonely, we think we've Lost people. But a lot of times you haven't lost people. God is revealing.

Yeah.

A lot of times there, there is a pulling away of people because the people that are now with you and you're now. They can't go where you go. They can't go.

And so I, it's just part of life's process.

I have preached for years everybody that God used in a significant way in the Bible. Every one of them had some type of season of alone. Moses on the backside of the desert for 40 years. Almost like a wanderer. I can't imagine. 40 years. Okay. You know Paul, Paul, he was blinded when he was Saul and he had his encounter with Jesus. He was blinded, he couldn't see. Ananias laid hands on him, scales fell from his eyes. Then he went down into lower Asia for three years and disappeared. Yeah, for three years. Disappeared. David, Mighty King David. We're still singing his songs today in a cave, the cave of Adullam, which.

Means the place leaving alone before that on the backside of a hill. Taking care of sheep.

Taking care of sheep all day long. Not accepted really by the father and the rest of the family. And no interpersonal this, you know, being around those animals. So what did he do? He talked to God.

Yes, he did.

He talked to God.

You know, most people, most people who have a powerful call, honestly, are different, are alone, don't fit. And it doesn't make it feel better.

That's another podcast.

It doesn't make it feel better. Right, but it's, but it's true. And there are still people, Ron, who are, who feel alone in a room of hundreds of people. You can be in a room, you can be in meetings, you can be at a convention and you still feel so alone.

You know, don't want to get into five fold ministry. But I'm apostolic. A lot of churches don't even recognize that anymore. They think all that stuff is ceased. I'm apostolic. I'm different. Apostolic guys tend to be more doctrine. They discover doctrine. They're foundational, they're builders, they're systematizers, they're organizers. Organizers.

Organizers.

Hadn't had one in a week, hadn't been one. They. That's the way they're built.

We need some kind of cannon or something that goes off confetti. Yeah. When you do a word like that.

Organizers, you know, they're. Those guys are usually just wired different. The word pastor means to shepherd. A lot of times shepherds are very comfortable with the people and many times they're not builders. I Don't want to call them maintainers. I think every pastor wants to grow his church, but they're not specially built to build. And so I was that guy. No matter what room I went in, I never felt like I fit. I told people everybody was nice to me. Everybody respected me, everybody honored me. I never was.

But you knew you were different in.

I knew it. And when everybody would go sit down at the convention, I would end up at a table by myself, or I would end up sitting at a seat, and there were two between me and the next person and two between me. I just. It didn't matter. I was by myself when I left the hotel room, but I ended up by myself when I got there, too. And people liked me. And if you asked them, hey, why nobody around Ron Carpenter? They probably would not even know why. But somehow they just left me to myself. And there was a long time because, you remember, you were the only person I had to vent to. That really bothered me because in high school, I was one of the hubs of the wheel. When I got saved, gave my life to God, I wanted that same kind of interaction. And it wasn't there for me because I felt like an oddball. I felt like the guy that didn't fit. And so I do know what it is to, even though I was constantly around people, to feel so very alone in the midst of the people. So, number one, we're admitting loneliness is real. And we're admitting, number two, it don't always have to be destructive. It cannot drive your decision making. And number three, usually when God breaks everything from around you, I think sometimes God is trying to restore focus. Another thing is because I believe he's revealing a group of people that cannot go into your future. You know, our son, our oldest son, you know, we've talked to him many times about. He feels alone, and he hadn't as many friends in high school. He was the hub of the wheel, maybe on a much greater level than I was.

He was a legend, remember?

Yeah, he was. And in the transition, so we heard, in the transition to growing as a Christian, growing as a man of God, a father, he has not been able to replace that, and it's bothered him. And I think what I've tried to tell him is I'm sure there was some good people in his life, but none of them can go into where I know his future is going. And I've told him that many times. So sometimes it's just that simple. Let me go into a biblical illustration, one of my favorite ones I used to preach it all the time. I hadn't preached it in years. Jesus and John the Baptist cousins related Jesus, walking toward him, John said, behold the lamb that takes away the sin of the world. Jesus said, you've got to baptize me. Baptize him in the Jordan. Heaven's open. God speaks. This is my son. I can't even imagine. Spirit descends on him in bodily form like a dove. I mean, this is.

It's big.

This is major stuff. And, you know, you'd think after beholding all that, you'd be convinced, but John the Baptist was the man. Jesus at that time was a nobody. Yeah, take it on down the Book of Matthew a little bit longer. Jesus is the man. John the Baptist is in prison. He tells his disciples, go ask Jesus is he the one? That blew my mind early on when I started reading that if you hear the voice of God rolling out of a cloud and a dove comes out of heaven and sits on you, and then you're in such a bad place, look lonely in prison, that you're questioning what you know to be true.

Yeah. And loneliness will do that.

And look what Jesus did. He told those disciples, you tell John, the blind see the lame walk, the deaf hear. And I told you every time when I was growing up, we'd get to that. And everybody starts shouting and hollering. But keep reading, he say, and tell John, blessed is he who is not offended because of me. What John was trying to hold to the way the relationship was, and Jesus is in a different season.

He's got.

And he says, tell John, blessed is he who does not get offended by how I have to run this relationship. Don't get offended that I can't be buddy buddy like we used to be, because my seasons have changed, man.

That's happened to us, hasn't it?

Oh, my gosh.

We started out with. We did everything with everything.

And the bigger your influence becomes, the smaller your circle gets.

And they would get so offended. They were like, well, our kids used to play together. We never go on vacation anymore with y'. All.

Well, let me help some people who may be mad at your pastor or your leader, because this is what we heard. Oh, I remember when they used to go out and eat with us. I remember when they weren't so big. Oh, I remember when he wasn't Apostle Ron. I remember when, you know, they used to run to the mountains. And all people didn't understand was, I'm just trying to steward the responsibility that God's given me. It is not Personal, Right. The fact that I can't go to the mountains for three days with you anymore. It's not personal. Now I have three kids.

Yeah. And the television ministry.

Now I have three kids and now I have a television ministry. And now I have. Exactly. And I have two campuses on both sides of the nation. And it's not you, it's. I'm in a different place. So that goes back to love. Can you not just love who I am? Can you love who I'm going to become? Can you love who I'm going to grow into? I tell people all the time, your star is shining bright right now. You're in a really, really good place where God is using you. But you know what? It's meant to. It's meant more being alone. You was telling me your schedule yesterday, like golly. And so I'm sitting there in my mind, what am I. Ron's like, what am I going. What am I going to do while she's gone? Yeah. Because everything I do, I do with you.

Everything I do.

I don't have a recreational life outside of you. I don't really have hobbies that I do. When I finally get some time, I want to be with you. And so. But I understand, okay? You wrote that book and your seasons changed. I love you enough to let your seasons change and do everything in my power not to take it personal because it's not about. It's not about that. It's about you trying to steward as best you can these opportunities and responsibilities that God has given you in this season of your life. So a lot of times loneliness is nothing more then you are starting from scratch, developing relationships for people that can move on your next level because the last group could not.

Yeah. I think though, it's. It's very important that. That we are clear that there will be times that loneliness hits every one of our lives. And it not. It's not necessarily bad. It may not be good, but it's going to happen. And you have to discern the time and season and what God is trying to do in this season of loneliness. Am I supposed to stay quiet? Am I supposed to seek God in this time of loneliness? Is it because God's moving people out of my life? Is it just the way it is right now? And it's another level. It's another season for me. But I do believe that you can go through those seasons of loneliness for if it's for whatever reason, however you got there. But you don't have to be alone. I mean, really I had no other human with me in North Carolina for nine months. It was me and my little room, my 10 by 10 room. But I did not feel alone.

But you know something? When you were going through your very, very bad times, you never wanted to be alone.

No. But that's what I said. I didn't want to face me.

You always. It would blow my mind. You always wanted somebody around you.

I wanted a distraction.

Exactly.

A distraction.

So let me go back. We run it in time. Can I take that?

Yes.

I started and I want to go circle all the way back. I think sometimes aloneness is restoration of focus.

Yes.

It is hard to focus when everybody's within your line of sight and everybody's in your ear. Everything's pulling on you. That is hard focus. And I believe sometimes God will step in and cut everything away from you. So you can do this.

Look up.

Look back up again. And some of you men fail for broken focus. One time, I was. Years ago, I was watching this thing. I used to always marvel at the ice skaters in the Olympics.

Yes.

How can you twirl 30 miles an.

Hour up in the air?

I mean. Because I go around in a little teacup at a carnival and my head's swimming and I can't even.

And you're sick.

I can't think. Yeah. And I feel like I'm on puke. And I feel like I'm going to puke. I'm like, how do they do that? And if you watch it, their body will turn and their head will snap. And their body will turn, their head will snap and. And they have what I was told, they have focal points. And as long.

As they know where.

They are, as long as they can focus on that focal point, everything can keep spinning. But they don't lose their balance. Okay. If they lose that focus, they fall. Men fail for broken focus. Peter looked at Jesus. He was fine. But then the wind and the waves, he saw them and he began to sink. Focus. Men fail for broken focus. So could it be we've been on here a little over a half hour that your time of loneliness is not demonic, but it's divine. And maybe God sent us just to be a small angel in your life today to tell you maybe you just need to change the perspective of it. Because most of the time, hopefully we define everything that we don't like as devil. Yeah. And a lot of things I haven't liked have been very divine.

So true.

Not demonic. Any last comments?

No, it's just. That's so good. I don't think any of us want to be alone or isolated. I think. I think culture almost makes that a downer. Almost makes it like there's you're a loser, like you're a loser, like something's wrong because you're alone or, you know, some of the best times in my life, some of the most restful, some of the most insightful, some of the most refreshing times, honestly, that I've ever had, is when I'm alone. I don't know if you could say that. I mean, we're totally different people, but I think I exude and give out so much.

You are in the crowd by nature.

Yes.

So you need times to be alone. I'm alone by nature, so I have to have times. I'm around people. But the very nature of what I do, there's a lot of aloneness that just comes with it. I can't study with 18 people in a room. So the day that I give myself to study all day alone, I'm in a room with a door shut all day.

You know, I get to the place, though, that I am given out and I have to have sometimes. I'll tell you, Ron, I'm just going to stay home today because I want to be alone in my house.

Well, it ain't nothing holding us to 30 minutes. Let me just. It can be personality profile. It can have something to do with that, because Hope. But let's just face it, just like this podcast, you are expected to walk in a room and light it up. Now, some of that comes natural with you. You can't help it. It's a gift. But then there's other times when you feel the expectation of it. It's a drain.

It is.

It's a drain. And instead of you just being Hope, you feel like it's something you got to turn on, you know, and that's unfair to you. But the thing is, you naturally light it so much, people won't light it up so much. They want you to light it up all the time. All the time. Yeah. And you don't necessarily want to walk into a room and lined up, you.

Know, and I have to watch that to not be in a performance state. To do that for people, I have to be okay with, you know what? Today I just want to sit over here and not talk to anybody. And it's okay if they get upset that I didn't talk to them. This for me, I'm okay Today to not talk.

You will get from Ron, are you okay?

Are you okay?

Yep. Because you are you are normally animated. You're an animated personality. So when I see you get like that, I'm going to check in and then realize you probably need your space.

Over the years that, that my personality is such giving out on so many levels, on my children, my grandchildren, my staff ministry, every. Everything I do that I have to have. And you're my safe place. So when I get in your presence, I feel okay to be able just to be quiet.

And that's something we've grown to not.

Have to just, hey, Ron. Oh, come here, Come here.

And I used to always think something was wrong because you were like that. And so when you cut it off, I almost didn't know what to do. So I'm like, I just keep asking something wrong. And now I realized, I hope it don't take you about 30 years like it took me. But now I realize, you know what? She's in a refueling moment and she just needs space. She just won't sit there and drink her coffee and be greasy till lunch.

Some days I don't want to do cartwheels for you.

You don't want to do cartwheels.

And you think I'm a meanie.

Look. And sometimes you don't want to bathe.

No. Or shave my legs.

And that's just a part of the learning process. These are unscripted. I don't have a teaching on loneliness. And if I do have teachings on some of these topics we talk about, I'm not going to bring them in here because I just want us to talk out of our heart and out of our head and you to get something different from us than we get out of a pulpit.

You're not a weirdo if you feel alone.

Bottom line, absolutely you're not. You're not a weirdo.

But ask the Lord, what is he trying to do in that season for you? What in every season will be different. Every lonely season, lonely time means something different. We all go through them, we all have them. But always ask the Lord, what are you trying to show me? What are you trying to grow in me? Who are you trying to make me through this season? Let it work for you, not against you.

We love you guys. And whatever it is, God orchestrates your life, not the enemy. All right, so we'll see you later. And until then, it's Ron and Hope Unfiltered. All right, we'll see you guys later. God bless.