Inner Healing - Hope Carpenter

And so glad that you are here today. I want to talk to you about something today that is near and dear to my heart. And it's inner healing. Let me begin by saying we all have brokenness in areas that we need healing. Why? Because we live in a fallen world. Sin is rampant. Experiences and upbringings, divorce, parents, abuse, sickness, failure, failures. All of these things leave us with hurts and wounds that we have to deal with and address and work on and forgive people so that we can continually press on. Pressing in is hard. It's like walking uphill. That's pressing. Walking downhill isn't hard because there's no press, right? But when we walk uphill, it is so hard. But to press on to toward the mark of the high call of God in Christ Jesus, that's not easy. Psalm 107:9 says this. For he satisfies the longing soul and the hungry soul. He fills with good things. All these empty, broken, hurt, longing places that need healing only Jesus can satisfy. But here's the problem. We run to so many other places trying to feel the longings of the soul. What is our soul? Our soul is our mind, our will, our emotions, our intellect, our mind, our will, our choices, how we treat people, how you know, we're up and down. We're like an emotional roller coaster. We look for love and acceptance. Acceptance from men and women, from children, from parents. We look for joy in vacations, new pocketbooks. Come on, somebody. Designer brands. Listen. And even in church experiences, we're fine as long as we're in church. Most of the time we look for peace. Listen, come on. I'm going to really go here. We look for peace in a girlfriend's getaway. A glass of wine. Wine down with a drink and a cigar. We end up needing more and more glasses of wine and more and more vacations and more and more purses. So the goal of inner healing is to get to the root of our pain. Say it again. The goal of inner healing is to get to the root of our pain. And then number two, we got to deal with the pain. What does that look like? It's forgiveness and moving on past the pain. Let me say it again. Get to the root of our pain. Right? Then dig in, identify what the pain is. And then three, then having a pure heart. Ezekiel 36:26 says, I will give you a new heart and I will put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. What does that mean? That's a heart that can feel so. Number four, learn to guard your heart. Proverbs 4. 23 says this. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course or the path of your life. So God, help us today. Help us today as we delve into this teacher teaching of inner healing. God, it is your will that we prosper and be in health, comma, even to the same degree that our soul, our soulish man prospers. Help us today, God, to understand what inner healing is and that it can be ours. That it's not just for the super spiritual or the people on stage or the people who study the Bible the most. No, God, it. It is a true given gift from you that you want us all to operate in. But it's not quick and it's not easy and it requires a lot of work. So help us today in Jesus name. So getting to the root, we got to identify where the pain came from. Here's my question. Why are you mad? Why are you bitter? Who hurt you? It's as simple as sitting and thinking and identifying them one hurt at a time. So yes, you really have to go all the way back to childhood. And as children, it's been proven that children need three things flowing for their heart to remain open and healthy. What is that? Hope, Daily affection, touches to be loved on encouraging words of affirmation, and a relationship with our parents to be healthy. That's broad, right? A relationship with our parents to be healthy. But there's two types of love. You've probably heard this before. Conditional and unconditional. Conditional love is based on what you do. Did you come home on time? Did you do the dishes? Did you get all the A's and B's and didn't make any C's? Conditional love is based on what you do. But unconditional love is based on who you are, just who you are, who God made you. Conditional love creates loneliness. It makes you shut off. You can't receive spiritually and emotionally. You shut down. You wear a mask to not show who you really are. Why? Because you were taught that who you really are isn't good enough. If you're raised in a home that does not have unconditional love, you start to learn, to perform, to get love. You be anybody that you need to be to be loved and accepted. Remember, we're trying to get to the root of our pain. We're trying to get inner healing. Okay? So what if you hear your parents fighting and your dad left when you were 8 years old, or you were abused with a whip? What if you were raped like me at 15 years old. For healing to take place, you got to recognize the root where your pain is coming from and that you have allowed that pain to fester and make your heart hard. And it isolates you. See how it's blocked an affected relationship. See how it's keeping you from receiving the real love from God and from others. And then you got to start dealing with one hurt at a time. You say, hope, this is going to take forever. Yes. Let's just establish right now that healing is lifelong. Healing is a journey. Now, these hurts. As a child, you probably made inner vows, and these vows have an effect on your relationships. Today. They have to be renounced, because if you do not, you will stay in cycle after cycle after cycle after cycle. Hosea8.7 says, for they have sown the wind, they shall reap the whirlwind. Okay, here's an example. I vowed I would never do blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like my father. I vowed I would never be mean and loud like my mother. I vowed I would never treat people like my teacher treated me. Okay? So those are vows. So once you've recognized inner vows that you've made, you got to write them down. You have to renounce them one by one and decree and declare that the cycle is broken in the name of Jesus. So stop right there. You have to go back and remember as a child what you said when you were mad. You say, hope, how do I figure out these vows? Think about it. What you said when you were mad after you got spanked, okay? And you're laying in your bed and you say, I hate them. I'll never. I'll never treat my kids like that. That's a vow. So you got to go back, okay? So pray, Lord, forgive me. I repent for that vow. And I now renounce all agreement that I made with this vow. Now I come into agreement with you, Lord, that the power of this vow is broken. It's that easy. But you've got to think, and you've got to go back in your mind during the times when you were in pain and the things you said. That's why I say, when I say healing takes time. You have to think and stop and deal with these issues. So number two, you got to deal with the pain. This takes time. Say it a hundred times right now, out loud. This takes time. Inner healing is not quick. It's not easy, because it's not one thing that got us here. It's years and years and so many bad relationships and so many Issues on the job. And so many people that's hurt us and so much church hurt, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. This is a lifelong commitment to go on a healing journey to be free. It's a decision every day not to take the bait of Satan when he comes through people to bait you with offense and hurt. It's daily taking your hurt and pain to the cross and leaving it there. Ephesians 4:26 in the Amplified Bible says, be angry at sin and immorality, at injustice and at ungodly behavior. Yet do not sin. Do not let your anger cause you shame, nor allow it to last until the sun goes down. Bottom line, Hope's version of the Bible. Deal with your heart every day. Deal with hurt every day. You know, I could take a go out. I used to have to pull weeds when I was a little girl. And I could go out and get this little bitty twig of grass and take it, two fingers, pluck it up, comes out so easy, so easy if it's dealt with when it's little. But if I wait several weeks and go back out and that grass mound has grown, there's no way I can take my hands and pull it up. I might have to get a garden tool and have to dig, dig, dig, dig, dig to get it up right. So, for instance, when we do something with our children, if we know we've yelled too much or we spanked them too hard or whatever it was, if we would go to them right then and say, I'm sorry. Our greatest need is to be loved, every one of us. And when we don't get that, it leaves us deficient. Our internal measuring cups are either full or empty from what we did or what we didn't get as a child. Any emotional need that has not been met as a child will create an emptiness, and it has to be filled or a person will not be whole. Remember, only Jesus can satisfy the longings of the soul. But as adults who are empty and our measuring cups weren't filled, we get in big, big trouble by going to the wrong well to get water. We got to deal with the pain. We got to identify our hurts. Admit that you didn't get what you needed as a child. Let's stop right there. Listen, that sometimes that's hard for us to admit because we think our parents were good. Or we say, well, my parents couldn't help it. They worked all the time. You still were hurt, and it's okay to admit that you have pain. Things that you did not get as a child. Listen. You can't turn around and give to your children into your relationships what you don't have. You heard the old saying, hurt people, hurt people. This isn't a blame game. It's admitting and then dealing with how it's left you. It helps you recognize and understand your present relationship difficulties. See, that's the key. Emotional needs. Let's talk about them. Acceptance. Were you accepted regardless of how good you were, how good you cleaned, or how many good grades you got? Listen, and if you weren't, usually you deal with performance. Workaholic. You're insecure, you're defensive. Okay? Number two, Affection. Did you get the appropriate hugs and kisses? And if you didn't, you're aloof, you're distant, can't be close to people, or either the opposite. You're flirtatious and promiscuous. Number three. Attention. Did you have quality time? Did they listen to you? Did they enter into your world? Did they come outside and play with you? And if you didn't, you're boisterous, you feel worthless, you're consumed with appearance, trying to get that attention. Number four. Affirmation. Did they commend you for the good things that you did? Your accomplishments? Did you get praise? And if you didn't, you're an adult needing constant approval or a workaholic, or you're fearful. What about security? Did you have parents that protected you from danger? Did they impart faith to you? Was your home safe? Was it peace and harmonious? And if you did not have that, you're a person of unbelief, fear, insecure, worry, comfort? Did you have loving comfort instead of correction all the time? Did they sympathize with you and let you cry? And if you didn't, you can't comfort others. You can't feel people's pain. You have a lack of emotions, you're compulsive or addictive. What about encouragement? Did they help you attain your goals and help you get projects done? And if they didn't, you'll have a lack of confidence, attitudes of defeat, and say things like, I'll never make it, I'll never be good enough. What about support? Did they stand with you in difficult times? Did you know that they were there no matter what? And if you didn't have that, you tend to be discouraged and defeated and have suicidal thoughts. And you're timid and insecure. What about appreciation? Did they say thank you to you? Or was it just expected? Parents focus on what's right and not always what's wrong. Did you have parents that did that? And if not, you're discouraged easily. You're pessimistic, you're doubtful, you're negative. You see the cup always half empty about respect. Did they give you privacy? Did they let you have your own property? Did they let you talk? And if they didn't, you usually will feel worthless and inferior, insecure. Or you have a demanding behavior like nobody's going to talk to me that way attitude. So lot I know and we're still dealing with the pain all of this has caused us and that's why we are the way we are. Pain indicates that you're still angry. Get this. Pain must be identified to be healed with any pain. Childhood pain, loss of loved ones, a loss to a marriage, time, relationships, it all has to be identified and dealt with. And then you have to grieve the loss. So there's steps of grief. You know, I'm not a grief counselor, but I know there are steps in grief. Gone through it many times myself. Number one, there's shock, then there's anger, sadness. Then you gotta face the loss, gotta do any forgiving that you need to forgive. Then you gotta release. Then you gotta face the reality of the loss, like, this is what my life looks like now. And then a final release, which is acceptance, embracing your life with this change. And you have to process each feeling as it comes. If you don't, they pile up like loads of boxes on top of one another. And then they get so heavy in that grief and hopelessness and despair and depression sets in. This is the woman who never recovered after losing her child. This is the man who never could come out of his house after a divorce. Philippians 4:7 says this and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds. Through Jesus, it is possible to be in the middle of the worst circumstance and still have peace. Lastly, forgiveness. Oh, don't talk about forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 says, Forgiving one another. I love this verse. Even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you. Let's say it again. Ephesians 4:32. Forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you. Forgiveness is essential for your healing. How do you know if you've forgiven somebody? Do you have anger towards them? Do you desire fellowship with them? Do you desire to worship with them? Or do you want to kill them? Run over them with a truck? Listen, forgiveness is not an option. Trust is different. Totally different. But we're talking about inner healing. Right now, you don't need to feel like forgiving to do it. You have to ask God to enable you. Listen, you lose your right to hold onto the pain and choose to forgive out of obedience to God. Then you accept his shed blood as payment for their sin. The same blood you want to forgive your sins is the same blood that covers their sins. And again, forgive daily to keep your heart pure. Proverbs 4. Guard your hearts. Just because you've forgiven someone doesn't mean you gotta go back in for another round, right? Trust is built after repeated realities. They over here still trippin'. They still acting the same way, still living like they were. No, you don't have to go back in and trust. It's called boundaries. To guard your heart from hurt. Again, boundaries are set for safety purposes. When to set boundaries, when actions are hurting you, when people continue to violate you, when people do not respect you. It's called the Ministry of Block and Delete. He who the son sets free is free indeed. Listen, God wants you free. He paid too high a price for you to live. Bound by pain and unresolved hurt and bitterness and grief. Do the work. Starting today, weeks and months from now, you will be so glad that you did. I did not say that it was quick. I did not say that it was easy. It is a process, if you will look at your life from here on out, for inner healing to not be a one and done. Not a quick shot, not a fairy dust kind of thing, but it's an everyday dealing with your heart. And every day examining your heart. Every night before I go to bed, I say, God, show me my heart. God, where did I get it wrong today, Lord? Who did I hurt today, Lord? How did I use my mouth inappropriately today, God? How did I bring curses on my life? How did I sow to the wind? And I'm going to reap a whirlwind? Lord, show me my heart today. It's a daily job, it's a daily grind, it's a daily press. There's never a place called there that we reach in spirituality where we got it. All right? Why? Because we're going to bump into humans everywhere we go, right? And they're going to hurt us and they're going to offend us and they're going to tick us off. And then we're married. We get to live with a human for the rest of our life. And they're going to hurt us and they're going to tick us off and we're going to choke them and all those good things, but you can be free. I wrote a whole book about my journey to be free. It's called the Most Beautiful Disaster. My life fell apart in 2013, and I have looked at my life since 2013, starting inner healing, at the happiness, at the blessing, at the restoration. I never dreamed I could have a marriage like I have today. I never dreamed that I could have inner peace, the inner peace that I have that I have today. I want to encourage you to go on this journey. If you need some help, get that book, the Most Beautiful Disaster. It'll bless your life anywhere books are sold. Let me pray for you. Thank you, Jesus, for this day, for this time that you never leave us, you never forsake us. That your mercy is here, right here with us every single morning. That we do not get what we deserve. God give us the grace to press into healing. And I thank you, Lord, that we will have testimony after testimony of the good things that you have done in these people's lives. In the name of Jesus, God.