Let's Talk Parenting

Foreign. Hello, everybody. Here we sit. It's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered.

Why you got your. I got an eyelash in my eye. It's gonna make my eye red.

Yeah. During the podcast, you need some Visine.

Blow in. Didn't help. Like, it's normally when you was 18, it would just clear right up.

They'd say, blowing that don'.

So anyway, here we are.

Guess what, guys? We've been on family vacation. Wait a minute. It's really not a family vacation, is it, Ron? Why are you laying down? It's called a family trip.

Yeah, we told them there are no family vacations. There's family trips. Wouldn't take nothing for it in the world.

No, but it's exhausting.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And when you're.

I'm sure everybody listening who has children knows that it's exhausting.

So how many people. Totally 15.

15.

15 total. We were navigating through five grandkids.

Yes.

And three rental cars and even some other people that visited us down there. That made the group almost up to 20. And so makes for some interesting. Trying to get 20 sandwiches for lunch.

20. About 40.

Trying to get.

Because they've been in the pool all day.

What do you thought was Little things with the straw. Trying to get everybody.

Sippy cup.

No, not the sippy cup. Trying to get everybody. That and everybody opening a bottle of water and leaving it there. But nobody will touch it because they don't know who's the one.

Because they won't write their name on the solo cup.

And I do. I walk around with a magic marker. But people ain't gonna do it. They're just not gonna do it. Wet towels. Yeah. And then when the kids have been in the sun for a long time, how whiny they get when you go in.

But the fact is, you won't let me get whiny.

Your time of whining. This is way over. We've already gone through that season. We've already. We've already weathered it and we've come out of it. We're free on the other side.

You still whine?

Never whine, Ron. Never.

Carpenter. You're whining right now.

Why do I whine?

You're whining right now.

No, I'm telling people the reality. Oh, telling people about family reality. Because there are people that think that when. When you're on a stage or behind a camera or everybody sits around and sings Kumbaya, they think that, you know, you glow in the dark and everything Just falls into place. And family never works like that. No, family never works. And if people try to play off like their family does work like that, I immediately become suspicious.

Right.

Because I just don't. I just don't think that's the case.

Because we know you're a liar.

We had some people, you know, Hope said, I want to talk about parenting. Real talk right here. Real talk. I haven't done or said a whole lot in marriage conferences. Whenever we did parenting classes, we let our children's pastors do them because they are amazing. Amazing. But I never did do it. And let me tell you why. This is Ron Carpenter. You're getting insight into Ron Carpenter. I don't feel the moral authority to speak on a thing if I don't feel like I've conquered it. If it's an area like, I know I can pray, so I can preach about praying. I know these things that I do well. I know I can preach about what. I can preach about giving. Cause I know I'm a giver when it comes to parenting. It's almost like if you talk about a subject people expect you to have. Yeah. You're in a position to write the book on it and tell everybody else what to do. And the fact is, although I gave tremendous effort, there's so many deficiencies in my fatherhood. And I've told you before in some of our private times, because me and you have the greatest discussions now I think that we've ever had. We're best friends. We talk all the time. And I've told you, I said, you know, there are some things I wish I had to do over.

I think every wishes they had a do over.

There's a difference between that and regret.

Yeah.

Regret mean it has a hold on you and you're constantly grieving it. I'm not there. But there's areas where, man, yeah. I'd give anything to be able to have a do over. Because I see now where I clearly dropped the ball. We want to talk about parenting from triumphs and mistakes. Not because we are ready to write a book in any way, but because we will be honest with you. We will be honest. When we, when Hope and I were putting our marriage back together, step two was after that we started going to family counseling. That was one of the most brutal eye opening experiences I have ever had. That was difficult for me.

Yeah. They let us have it.

That was difficult.

They let us have it for sure.

I would tell you, unless you've got some tough skin, I don't know That I would enter into that family. Counselor.

You allow the counselor to tell the kids. Now you just say how whatever you feel or whatever you think.

And we have at least a couple of our kids that will speak freely.

Yeah, they do.

And so those.

Oh, that's good though. God's going to use it.

But that was a painful time. It was, that was a painful time. It was a chaotic time. And my children called a lot of the blunt of that chaotic time. And so they did, they did speak freely. If they were to speak right now, they would tell you a different story. Because I think our journey has earned respect, they certain respect. But at that moment they were upset. They were upset and they were angry and they let us have it. What would you tell the mama who is absolutely chained to her house because she's got two or three kids that are. That are either infants or children? Because I remember and still to this day you talk about. Those were tough times for you. So just what would you tell them?

We had three kids under the age of four. Boom, boom, boom.

And we had kids that were from carpenter bloodline.

Yes, they were amped. It's a great word to just amped from the womb. Yes, they were amped. I believe that you have to know when to pull back. You have to give it your all, but you have to know when to pull back and take a breath. You have to know who your source is, and that's God. If you don't have a relationship with.

The Lord, those times can make you crazy.

And somewhere to go, you know, somewhere to retreat to, somewhere to escape. And you don't escape to drugs, you don't escape to alcohol, you don't escape to friends and you know, a girl's night out, it's never gonna be enough. You have to know where your strength comes from. But I also. This is. Some people would argue with me, but I believe that you do have to lower your expectations in some shape, form or fashion. You know, your house doesn't have to be immaculate all the time. You don't have to cook a fork or a.

We kept me and you together, but.

I think that's what.

We kept our house immaculate.

I think it strained us so bad because I was so driven to perfectionism. I mean, my house had to be clean, the dishes had to be put up every night, every. The clothes could not be laying around.

I wasn't quite like that, but I. I didn't want it messy either.

But that was a lot of the way I was raised. You know, I was raised where the house had to just be squeaky clean all the time. And I had to do a lot of it to help my mom and dad, who both worked full time jobs. And so I went into our marriage raising kids, wanting the house to be immaculate when you got home, wanting, you know, a meal to be on the table every night. And you wanted that too. I mean, that was just kind of our upbringing and expectation. But I remember somebody told me, you hope you just need to back off some. You need to lower your expectation. And so I remember letting the dishes just to try it one day, and we were in that holly tree house. You remember the house and looking over outside, and I remember the dishes just meal after meal. I was like, okay, now I'm not going to clean up. I'm not going to do it today. I'm just going to play with my kids and I'm going to just let the dishes pile up. And I let the dishes pile up. Even the breakfast, the snacks, the lunch, the snacks again, the dinner pile up. And I was not going to wash the dishes to try to conquer, you know, just conquer my OCD self. And I couldn't. I went and laid down in the bed and I went back into the kitchen to do the dishes and I just said, you know what? I grabbed the RAID spray can under the and I just sprayed RAID all over the dishes so that there would be no bugs. And I went back and laid down.

That explains a lot of other things.

But, you know, I couldn't do it. I just could not do it.

So I rushed all three of our children to the hospital the next morning. You did not. And nobody could diagnose what was going on, but it was RAID poisoning.

But anyway, I had to learn to lower my expectations in other areas. I still had to keep my dishes washed.

Here's what I would do for you as a husband. I would intentionalize your breaks.

Yeah.

Because if I remember correctly, that's been a while back now, unfortunately, your breaks were at breaking points. Like, you just come out, the kids are yours. I am out of here.

Because I didn't do it intentionally.

Right. And I would come back and I didn't know. I mean, we were kids. But I remember I would just drive up and you were, I mean, hope I come home sometime. You were done. You were done.

Somebody was about to die.

Yeah, you were done. And before I even got my coat off and got through my driveway, you had one of them sitting in my arms and two other ones screaming through the house. And you, like, I got to get out of here. And so what is that? If you don't place little boundaries, you take big ones, you know? And so the fact is, I think for any man listening that has a stay at home mom. Okay? Not to say if you're a working mom, please don't be offended, but at least if you're a working mom, there is a break from kids. You may not get a break from life, but there is a break from kids. But when you got a working mom there that morning to night and during the night, and I mean, Hope was breastfeeding and bottling and everything. And then Chase was our oldest, and he was wide open and never slept. Knowing as a husband, I would intentionalize and schedule you a break to have something to look forward to. And also so it wouldn't come at crisis.

Right. I remember when you finally got the message. I remember you would go run my bath and you would give me. I remember 45 minutes to an hour at night, I close the door and lock it to be by myself. And that was like a sanctuary. I looked forward to the bubbles.

I remember that.

The cow gone. Take me away. You know, just to be quiet. Yeah.

A for effort. I tried.

You did?

I tried. I was always involved. I always helped. I hate dishes.

I know you do, but I never.

Sprayed raid on them.

Well, I only did it one time, Ron, and nobody died. So we're all good.

Okay, we're good. Couple of hospitals and a whole lot of penicillin.

We made it.

Yep.

Yes.

Ask me a question. That was my question to you. What advice would you give to the mom with three kids strapped at home? What's the question for me? Hmm. A highly, highly ambitious man. Never thought about that. With a lot of responsibility. How does he blend the two?

You asking the question? You told me to ask the question.

You ask your question. I was trying to give you a.

Hint because you look like such a teacher, such a. Take over it.

Okay. I'm gonna be submissive right now. Go ahead.

All right. Ron, would you have had one more?

No. Now, I thought about it one time. Tell them. When we thought about it.

I slapped him. And then we proceeded off the plane.

Yeah, because we were 50.

Yes. He was joking. He was just joking. Saying that, you know, it's a change in life, so let's try for another baby anyway.

No, no, I. I was scared. After two, I came from very small families, and nobody around me had big families. And so when she started talking about three, and I started thinking in my mind, that means I'm officially outnumbered.

But we got our baby.

I remember that gave me anxiety. But then came Boo. Yeah.

Little OO Boo.

And Boo just changed everything.

She did.

Because we had two boys, and that house was all boys.

I wanted a girl, and I wanted her to be frilly, and I wanted her to have bows.

And I'm not gonna call you out, but you read about 80 magazines of how to have a girl.

Yeah, and we did.

So you was trying to be Jesus.

Yeah.

You were trying to help Jesus.

He let it happen. Ryan. Let me finish with my thought. I wanted a girl, all right? And I wanted fingernail polish, and I wanted bows, and I wanted her in pink. Remember her? We had pink wallpaper with windows all over.

Cause I'd walk in there and she'd hit the thing with her face.

Yeah. She'd be jumping up and down like a wild animal instead of a little frilly girl. So Chandlin just adored those boys and wanted to do everything that they did. And she would get. I wanted to comb her hair, and she'd say, stop, it bothers me. Then I'd stick a little bow in there, and then she'd just reach up there and just rip it out. She didn't want a bow in her hair. And so. But I'd make her sleep in these pink gowns. You remember that pink gown? And so she slept in this pink gown. But she would get up and would not let me comb her hair. Her hair would be jacked up everywhere. She wouldn't brush her teeth. And she'd put on her cowboy boots and play outside with the boys all day long in a pink gown and cowboy boots. Do you remember that? And she smelled like a little puppy at the end of the day.

Yeah. Everybody had to have baths.

Oh. Every night.

I still didn't get my question.

Okay, Ron, what is one name, one word, one word? A characteristic that a good father should have.

Consistent.

Consistent. Explain it.

They know what they're going to get. The family knows they know what they're going to get. I talked this morning in staff meeting about the explosive person, the person that's unpredictable. And I believe one of the greatest things, you know, one of the nine emotional needs that you're talking about. A lot of those have to do with fathers. You know, affirmation, security, all those things. And I believe that comes with a man understanding how much. Consistent. Consistently present. Not consistently perfect. No consistently present. I was never perfect, but I did try to be present. Consistent about my prayer life, consistent about my standards. I've always said this about discipline. You and I come from a different place on discipline. You were disciplined. Harsh.

Disciplined. Disciplined. Today's podcast word is disciplined.

What was last week? See if you can remember. Consequences.

Consequences. Disciplined.

Disciplined. Okay. There's something in the Bible about mocking your husband.

Oh, my God. What is wrong with you? For somebody who preaches and uses words their whole life, you are. You mess up a word every podcast.

But when I preach on Sunday, it's the first thing I do. What is speak? Today you got me speaking as the last thing I do. And I'm tired, so sometimes I'm tired. You gotta give me a little bit of grace.

No, we gonna look for these words. I'm not giving you grace. I will call out every word on the podcast. Go.

Let me tell you this. Consistency and discipline. Okay? You are not consistent as a disciplinarian. That came from your childhood. Yes, you were disciplined. Harshly said. You were very lenient. You were very lenient.

I was a mercif.

I. Especially my later years. I had no oversight because my mom and daddy trusted me so much because of my impeccable behavior.

Oh, my Lord.

As a child. Do you know any of my stories, Ron?

I know every story. I know every story.

I was good, wasn't I good?

How did your parents not find out all of the crap you did? How? My parents knew everything I did Because.

Jesus created a barrier.

Did he?

Between. I told you I never brought my stuff home.

I didn't either.

Yeah, you. But they found out.

No, I did not.

Yeah, see, they said you came home drunk. They said you came home drunk. I would have never come home drunk.

Well, they weren't supposed to know it.

But they found out. See, number one, your first mistake was that you came home drunk. Oh, so I remember. I was.

So you knew how to work the system?

Yep. So I'd sleep in ditches and woke up the next morning with vomit dried to my cheek.

Ron, this is not going anywhere good.

You're supposed to be asking me questions. So anyway, consistency and discipline. I was a firm disciplinarian because I knew I had been given way too much freedom when I was growing up. Here's one thing I would say as a father. The action has to bring a certain result, and it's got to be the same result, and it's got to be every time. What I never could understand and what I always hated is to threaten the kid 66 times. If you don't, I'm going to spank you. If you don't, I'm going. And that kid knows good and well they ain't going to get no spanking. They're not going to get put in time out. So spanking is okay because they've been. Yep. You're from the South. It is. So, you know, after they've been told that 15 times.

Bust their tail. That was his motto.

After they've been told that 15 times, what have they learned?

You're not going to do it.

It's not going to happen. So then what happens is you can't take it no more and you blow up in a rage and you cross the line.

Right.

You go too far. And so one of the. Out of all the dumb, asinine things I did as a father, one thing I always tried to be consistent with. These are the rules of the house. If these rules are broken, this is what happens. And it happens. And it happens every. Every single time.

But listen, on the other side, I was like, but what if it happens every single time? The consequences. Why does it have to happen every single time? Because there could be a reason they're coming in late this time. And it's not that they disobeyed or they this or that or the other.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. You always want to give them benefit of doubt, but every time I thought they were doing something, they were doing something.

Run.

They were. Yeah. And more. More than I thought. No, it's called discerning. Run. It's called discerning.

You are blaming this on the Lord?

No, the Lord gave me info. The Lord gave me information. So let me. Let me go.

Remember the time Chase, though, found out about mercy?

Yep. So I would try to do object lessons to help my kids understand the character and the nature of our God, the God of our family, the God of our faith. And so there was one time, Chase, God, what in the world did he do? There's no telling. But I mean, you know, he crossed the line constantly. And there's something he had done and he had it coming. And I'm going to tell you why I taught it. If I remember correctly, I was just exhausted and I didn't feel like fooling with it. So I said, you know what? I'm going to take the energy. You didn't have the energy to grab him out there and go deal with him. So I went there and talked about mercy. Mercy is when you had it coming.

You don't get what you.

But you don't get it, but you deserve it. And I talked about how Jesus was merciful to us and is merciful to us in so many ways. Man, if Chase.

He latched onto that tree.

If Chase never got any other kingdom principle. He understood mercy.

He knows it.

He understood mercy. So every time I walked in there and they needed to get his bacon. Can we do mercy? Can we do mercy?

You know, you'd stutter. Ki. Ki. Kiki. Can we do mercy? Can we do mercy? And then we'd get so tickled we couldn't do anything.

Even when it wasn't time for mercy. It'd make me start laughing.

I know.

Because I couldn't be mad after he started hollering mercy. And he was frantic. I know he'd be frantic. Frantic. Yeah. Doing like that right there. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah.

Remember that time we were in the doctor's office and he was about to get shots?

I love you. I love you, Mama.

I love you. I hate you. He was confused because he just didn't want those shots. And he was like, my mama, please, please, please, please, please. I love you.

I love you.

I love you. No, no, no, Mama. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. No, no, no, no. Don't let him give me your mom. I love you. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

That boy, he. He is. And. And listen, he's the greatest dad.

Yeah. And it's amazing to heavy doses of bourbon right? During those years, because we would get through with the doctor and we'd get back in the car, men, you, nerves shot.

Just shot.

And he'd be back in his car seat screaming, and his whole head would be red and veins coming out of his neck.

Whoo. But then Ron would turn around and pour Mountain Dew in his bottle and say, here, son.

And he'd drink it with tears coming down his eyes.

Jeez Louise, how do we make it? How are we sane? How are we saying.

Let me answer my questions.

Oh. Oh, okay.

So, talked about being consistent, didn't?

Yes, I asked you just one word. That's all I ask.

Consistent. Okay.

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Well, one do over. Everybody that knows our story knows there's an obvious one. I'm not talking about that, but just as a parent, one do over.

I would not take them out of Christian school and put them in public school.

I remember that.

That's just our family.

I remember that.

You know, a lot of people are advocates for public school. Don't send me no ugly letters. You be an advocate. But it was the downfall and the detriment of our oldest son. They were in Christian school from preschool up till eighth grade. And in ninth grade, they talked us into mercy. They talked us into letting them go to the high school. And it was not weeks.

Here's what happened before all hell. Oh, it was immediate. It was immediate. Here's the thing. We had a big church in a small town and there was a lot of animosity toward our church because most churches were denominational. We were independent and we didn't belong.

We were multicultural.

We were multicultural. There was none of that yeah. And so when my kids would go to a public school, they just caught hell. They just caught hell. And so we tried to get them in an environment where maybe people understand them. They talked us out of that. And going back to the public school system, it really don't have anything to do with the public school system. I got a problem with that. It had to do with them being in an environment when they got mocked. And when they got mocked, what did they do?

They.

They went as far away from that as they possibly could. And it brought, for a lot of days of tears.

There was pressure on our family anyway just by being in ministry. There was opinions, opinions, ministry, glass house. So we needed to protect them more. And I feel like now looking back, it was a mistake. It was not protecting them. It was opening them up to more.

And the results were immediate.

And so for us, I wish we would never have done that, but, you know, God work. He does work all things out.

He does.

And Chase ended up marrying his high school sweetheart.

Been married over a decade.

And Chase is an amazing father.

The best. We saw pictures of him just the other night taking their kids to the Atlanta Braves baseball game. Them kids love their dad.

He said, we made memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Yeah, he's an amazing father.

He really is.

And. But sometimes the people with most difficult childhood become the most interesting adults and the best adults.

God uses it. God uses it all. He doesn't waste anything.

Another question.

You'Re asking me, or am.

I asking you, is it harder to raise boys or girls?

Personally, I think girls, coming from my.

Perspective, from a woman, I would say a girl as well. Because as a man, and I'm a manly man, I'm not a softy. I'm a manly man. As a man, it brought out a lot of fleshly traits in me because of my protective instincts. I'm never a fighter.

Yeah.

And there was some kids, I wanted to kill them.

Yeah.

I mean, I wanted to choke them out, you know, first saw, you know, one of them pushed her. One of them cussed her out or something. Oh, my gosh.

And as hard as you were on the boys, you were not that hard on her.

I was not hard on her. And the boys let me know that.

She manipulated your tail.

What?

What? Yes, she did. She did. That was your little boo. Your little oo boo.

Remember the time I took her in that room and spanked her?

Ron. Ron is lying. I'm gonna show you what he still got in his phone. If you are watching this her name. If you could see that is Boo. He's. It's still Booth.

What's my password? On my computer. Computer.

Computer. You don't tell that to the world.

Yeah, no, it has to do.

It has to do with her name.

Saved in my computer.

Ron Carpenter. Anyway, I don't even know how to do a file. You don't. You really don't. Or an email.

But anyway, just study with it.

Oh, God.

Girls are harder. Girls are harder.

They are.

Because there's more at stake. There's more.

And just the attitude.

There's more lifelong crisis. Decisions that have to be made when they're not emotionally ready to make it.

The cycles.

Boys are boys. And it can drive a dad nuts.

Boys are pretty predictable.

Yeah, it can drive a dad nuts. Because to me, girls. This is not my girls in my house. It's in general to me. I never thought the girls in my house. Even you. I'm always telling you to be careful. I told you to be careful today.

Driving.

I don't think girls sense danger properly. And I see it everywhere.

Yeah.

And so that brings out the animal. Animal in me. And channeling had a way. Channeling had a way of always pushing the lines that kept me frantic almost. You remember that?

I do.

It was about a year or two where. And with the boys in that mouth. Yeah. Her mouth was tough. And now look, that mouth. I came to you about that. I said, now, baby, I've had two boys and I'm a boy. I said, chandlin is mouthy. And I said, how much of that do I have to understand is emotions and menstrual cycles? And when does she need her behind bus? I said, because I'm. Sometimes I don't know the difference between the two. Because I remember that was a struggle for me. Because sometimes you come in and run. She's on her period. You need to heal. I'm trying to learn. But then, you know when she walks in and just straight up disrespectful. It's hard for me to blame that on a menstrual cycle.

Right.

So that was hard.

You'd never seen me act like that emotionally.

No. There were times you didn't feel good, but you never had an attitude.

No.

And channeling could.

Whoo.

She could say things, man. She could say things.

She's still mouthy.

Yeah. Tough as a.

Sometimes she still need. Chandler. You listening to this? Sometimes your day still needs to just bust that tail.

Tough. Be tough. Now. That day's a little bit past now.

But she's she's so much.

Tell them about the time I just. I took her in that room and I disciplined her.

Listen, he took her. He said, no, Chandler, come here. I'm going to take.

No. I came home and of course, hopefully spank them all day and tells them, wait till your daddy gets home. So I get to come home and.

Spank him because he likes to spank them. I didn't.

I get to walk in the house.

He can do what he likes.

That makes the kids want to see Daddy. He just walks in every night and starts spanking everybody.

So anyway, so he's going to spank her and he takes her in the room and he tells her, unbeknownst to me, Chandlern, now when I hit my hand on the floor, now you scream, can you believe he did that? He's faking. Spanking to appease me.

So when we walked out of the bedroom and you were standing there, what did we look like?

Y' all were laughing. I'm like, what is happening right now? There is no way he was doing this. Like three pops on the floor. And she was like, ah, fake. And I'm like, what is going on here? So single. I wasn't the only one who went back and forth on discipline.

You did too with Chandlin. I was not consistent.

No, you weren't.

I was not. But that was the first time I'd had a girl. And you should know how I am with girls. I'm very protective and I'm easily manipulated.

I don't manipulate you easily.

But the fact is, you got.

This is the sin of witchcraft.

You gotta be careful.

And I will not be associated with that word.

I wasn't saying that. You know, if you want something, I will move heaven and earth.

You're so generous to make it happen.

And that's just the way I'm built. And so channeling comes along and she picks up on that about seven days old. And so, you know, mom and daughter just work that thing while they're in the house. We got a few more minutes. Let's try to do this quick. Four or five minutes, I think.

I think what we need to touch on, though, before we end, we need to talk about agreement. What we've been talking about is a lot of it is where we weren't in agreement, the mistakes we've made. I believe as parents, it's so important to be on the same page.

Because if they catch that you're not on the same page. That's their wedge.

Yes. They will run that house Like a circus.

If they ever. Me and Hope would always have to pull off to the side and get in agreement even if we weren't. Because when the kids find you are not in agreement, that's the wedge for them to basically get in and get their way. You'll give them their way just to quit the chaos from the disagreement.

Yeah.

And so they're cunning little creatures and they know how to work these things. They're not born into sin.

They are not born speaking in tongues and prophesying. They're born into sin. I am so excited to tell you about my weight loss with our great sponsor or noom. We just got back from our trip to Greece and I knew that we would be doing walking and walking and walking and we did. We had like what, 85 to 90 steps just down to our room and then the same amount of steps back up. Man, it was a lot. So I wanted to drop a few pounds before I went. Well, I said, okay, I'm gonna use this app. I'm gonna try it. And I checked in every day and I knew by my test at the beginning that I would eat, you know, when I was bored. So that was a huge trigger for me. And I listened to the daily lessons for three weeks. And I know that every journey is different because every person is different. Well, guess what? Are y' all ready? I lost five pounds before my trip. Woohoo. For me. And since I've lost the five pounds on my trip, I lost an additional three pounds, y'.

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Would you tell ending comment, the parent with the wayward child?

Been there, done that.

That was the most painful thing about child rearing. You could ever go through two things.

There is. There's not enough words to be said about prayer. Praying for your children.

That's what they didn't want to hear. They wanted to hear, what can I do but pray?

The fact is, there is. When you can't do anything else, when you can't control over it, you just stand firm and you pray and you believe and you trust them. They're not yours anyway. They're not. My kids are not my own. Your kids are not your own. They're just. We're borrowing them to shape them as arrows and throw them into their future for their purpose. And you just have to pray and believe that the Lord's got them. And then secondly, to love them unconditionally, no matter what.

I was going to say the exact same thing. See, we've been. We've parented three kids together and are still parents. Well, we're still mother and father.

Right.

I was going to say. I was going to say prayer and unconditional love was going to be. Let me add one more. You can't intercept pain.

They got to have consequences.

They will never change if the consequences of their actions are never experienced.

If you keep.

And for a while, I was a great interceptor. You were, too.

Yeah.

I would get in the middle, I'd see it coming. I'm like, I can't let that happen to my baby. And I get in the middle of it. But what happens then? You become that terrible word enabler.

Yeah.

Because what you think is when you say unconditional love, that's not unconditional acceptance of actions. Right. Unconditional love is. You're going to do that mess. You're going to have to do it somewhere else. But I love you and I will be here when you're ready, no questions asked. And I think we had to get to that place where we quit the enabling. We let them feel the consequences of their actions, and then when they come back around in pain, we were there.

Yeah. It's like the prodigal son said, we were there. The father let the son leave. He let him go off into riotous living, the Bible says. Squandered all his father's money, his inheritance. He did not chase the son.

I felt like I could always will my kids to freedom, but I couldn't. So I knew when she said prayer, I go, you don't have control over the situation.

Yeah.

So you got to go to someone who can get control of the situation.

But when they come home, what did he do?

Put the ring on, Kill the fatty calf? Throw a party? My son who was lost is found. My son who was dead is alive.

Yeah.

So anyway, stay in your position. We might not have helped you a lick, but this podcast here, if you just wanted to hear sermons, you can do that on that. Go to the Vault, go to YouTube. You can get all anywhere. This is a little bit about letting you in our life. Real raw and relevant inconsistencies, good decisions. Bad decisions, everything. And this is. We didn't want to give a parenting class. We just wanted you to give you insight into the fact you don't give you hope. You don't have to get it all right for things to turn out right.

Because our kids today are all serving God.

They all work for the ministry.

They work for the ministry. They're great parents. They're not perfect. They still have ups and downs and trials and fights in their marriage and show up to work late and they don't get it right all the time, but they are, listen, a million miles from some of the struggle they were in in high school and teenage years. So you just keep doing what you know God's told you to do. Raise them up, train them, get the word of God in them, pray over them. And when they're old, they won't depart. They won't depart. We love you.

Love you. God bless you. We'll see you next time.