Men Who Lead Well | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign. Hey, guys. I want to welcome you to our podcast. And this is usually the part I let Hope do. I usually get a drink of water here and let Hope do. Welcome to Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real, raw and relevant. Of course, you can see I'm doing this one by myself today. We do that sometime we rotate back and forth. Sometime we do it together. It's always better with her. I know she's the life of the party. But I do have something that I want to speak to today that I think helps both men and women, both young and old, married, unmarried. I want to talk about men who lead well. I want to talk about biblical manhood. You know, I never thought that in my lifetime I would ever see a day of what I call gender confusion. I just. I never saw that. I knew there was a day where in marriage, traditional roles were being challenged. The traditional function of the man and woman in marriage and in the house were being challenged. Some of that maybe wasn't even a bad thing because their traditions and their roles, but I never thought I would be in a day where there's actually people confused as to what they are and confused as to who they are. And because of this confusion, we are in a generation where we have literally created categories to accommodate that. Just literally apart from Bible and science and just, you know, we have these segment of people where there's been identity crisis, so we now have different categories we will place those people in. I think it's unfortunate because I believe people are hurting. I believe people are confused. And when there's confusion, there's a reason for that. And also when there's confusion, we know that God is not the author of confusion. He's the author of everything God does. Has an order, has a protocol. It has a chart. It has keys to it. And I want to talk a little bit about biblical manhood and men who lead well, now, let me start with this. I was asked to speak on this topic. We got a marriage conference coming up. I would love to promote that to you. We're only a few weeks out. We do have spots left. And I'm going to tell you something. I'm amazed at how much people will pay to get married and how little they will invest to stay married. Getting married was the easy part. Staying married is where the challenge and the depth comes in. And I'm all about investing in two things. What is important, I'll invest in it. My mind. People complain about paying $18 for a book. I'll pay $18 all day for Something that will give me a million dollar idea. There is nothing that I'm willing to invest in like I'm willing to invest in my mind. Because as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. My reality is defined out of my thought life. So if I can do something that challenges my thought life to think on a deeper level, of greater and greater revelation, I can elevate my life. Every time I elevate my thinking. There's no such thing as your life being stuck. You're not stuck in life, you're stuck in your mind. And once you get your mind moving, your life will move. If your life is stuck, it's because your thinking is stuck. So there's nothing that I want to invest in any more than my mind. Secondly is probably my relationship with my wife. There's no gift that's outside what I think she deserves. There's no time that I'm not willing to give her. There is nothing that I'm not willing to do for her. And there's no investment that I'm not willing to make in us. Because, you know, while I'm operating in my gift like I am now, the gift is for the people. But, you know, I don't know how long I'm going to have to operate in my gift. So there'll be a day again where it's just us. And I want to make sure that I've invested enough in us to where us is just as precious when it's just us as the day is when we had all the other things. So I want you, I want you to be willing to look at the marriage conference. Not many people do them anymore. We don't put it online, we don't put it out for sale. It's not on our online bookstore because we like to keep the toothpaste in the tube. Because to do it the way we think it's most impactful is to do it in a certain setting. So that's where we like to keep it. Go to the website, check on that. Biblical manhood number one, Men who lead. Well, this is going to be really challenging. I just did this for some friends of mine at a church in Phoenix, Arizona. And after it was over with, I noticed that the pastor and his wife were somewhat quiet and we went out to eat. And the wife said, I want you to know something. Said, you really challenged us today and these people have a great marriage. And I said, really? They said, yes. They said, traditionally, a lot of the things you ascribe to men, where we were Raised where we come from, we see the women do all those things. And so I'm going to try to stay as biblical as I can and then tell you my. My role and how I've expanded from it. I will go ahead and tell you I go above and beyond. I'm probably not a normal husband. I serve my wife, and I think she would tell you this as she was sitting there. And I try to serve her on a high level because I choose to. It's my choice. I want to be a man that is easy to follow. There is no one that is easier to follow than someone who will serve you. Because in service, so many things are demonstrated. The heart of the person is revealed, the character of the person is revealed. The humility of the person is revealed. And there's nothing that opens up the heart of a person like serving them. You got a marriage where your partner is closed off to you. Their heart is closed. Serve them. That's what opens their heart immediately. It's impossible. Serve somebody and then remain mad at you. There's something about serving that brings greatness out of you. Jesus said, those who want to be great will be the servant of all. So the more I can serve in the eyes of my wife, the greater I become. We have a desperate need for manly men in our generation, in our American culture, and most importantly, in the church. And I do think that fatherlessness in our last two generations, which has been on an ever increasing level, I think has had extremely detrimental effect on our church, on our American society. So I want to hit some things biblically right here just to tell you what God is mean, what God is saying. When I'm talking about a manly man. I'm not talking about masculinity. I'm not talking about muscles. I'm not talking about brawn. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a man who understands his gender as given by God. What you've got to understand is in the beginning, God made man. He made man in his image. He did not make male. He made a kind. And that kind was a God kind. He made a kind that was in his image. He made a physical expression of himself. And then he moves on to say, male and female. He created them. He took and he removed the female from the male and separated them into two. And then said, men, what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. And it is the coming together of the male and the female that is what makes the sexual encounter so explosive and so powerful, because it is literally what was once one and God separated, returning back to its former state. So when there is that sexual encounter or intercourse, as we say, what was formerly one, God separated and then gave this for them to come back together. And there is the explosion of that experience taking place. However, the experience is so powerful that God relegated it totally and completely to the marriage covenant. Because outside of that, it's damaging and detrimental, and it fragments another person's soul. That's what we call a soul tie. I don't have time to unpack that, but what happens is during that, the Bible says when a man lay with a woman, he becomes one with her. It is not just about your body. It is not just about sex. It's not just biological. It is soulish in nature. And that is where when you stand and you've had three, four, five sexual partners and stand before a husband or stand before a wife and say, now I'm getting married and I'm giving myself totally to you, it's very difficult to do because those other experiences has fragmented your soul. And you may be giving your body away. You may be giving your bank account away. You may be taking all of your substance and making sure that they belong to both of you and not just you, but your soul has been fragmented. There is a process of breaking soul ties that needs to take place to make sure that when you say, I give myself away to you today, that that can be accomplished. So one of the first things a man to lead well is he needs to make sure that he has brought his soul back together and given it only to one. Amen. That is a process. You can go in the vault and look at my messages on soul ties. I'm preaching about that. I got some stuff I'm going to unpack here in the next 18 to 20 minutes, but I want to talk to you. Don't leave, don't click out, don't scroll. If you're on YouTube, don't scroll past it. Because I want to talk about some of our amazing sponsors. And the fact is, guys, when you go and check them out and you buy for them, you do us a great service and you help us pay the bills and do what it is we're doing right now. So I want you to check them out. Got a very, very special, very special sponsor today. You know, whenever I look at pictures of my kids from the past year or even just a few months ago, I'm so amazed at how fast they're growing up. Wow. And then it hits me hard. You know, I'm getting older too. 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Check them out. Make sure you put Ron and open there and that way that lets us know that them being our sponsor is doing their business some good. The word for God is abba. Okay? The word abba means source and sustainer. God is the initiator of all life. And God said and there was okay. God said and there was in him we live and move and have our being. Okay? So life comes from God. But then he says he upholds all things by the word of his power. So not only does God do something in your life, but then he turns around and sustains what he's done. It's not that you're getting a healing and losing it. He gives you a healing and then he sustains the healing. He gives you the breakthrough and then he sustains. Breakthrough. Why? Because he is Abba, he is source and he is sustainer. The word for man is ab, which also means source and sustainer. What does that mean to lead? Well, means you can sustain that which you've created. It's not can you get married, just can you sustain a lifelong relationship to lead? Well, can you go through the ups and downs? Can you manage disappointment? Can you manage failure? Can you manage when your expectations are not met? Can you manage when you find out things about your husband or wife that are distasteful? Can you manage finding out about their problems? Can you manage the hardships of the two lives becoming one life? All these things, the burden lie on you men. You are the source and you are sustainer. Can you sustain a long term marriage? Not can you create a baby? Anybody can make a baby. Can you sustain the life that you created? That's how to lead. Well, it's not can you get a job and get a job and get a job. It's can you sustain income in your family to make sure your family is clothed, they are housed and they are fed. These are the things you know, that you lead. Well, this building that I'm sitting in, I'm actually on the stage in the sanctuary. It's a very large building. I think it holds 3,500, maybe even more than that if we really pack them in here. So it's a large sanctuary. All across the top of this building there are trusses that hold up all these weights. Speakers are being hung, lights are being hung. It's amazing how much weight is suspended from this. But there are large beams that run all across the top of this structure. I've never heard, I've been here on this west coast now five years. I've never heard anybody walk in the building from the back, a staff member, or from the front a parishioner and say, man, those are some beautiful beams. I've never heard anybody say that. They say, wow, that's a great LED board. They say, wow, I like your lighting. They say, wow, I like the way you have set up your stage. Wow, I like the way that you've got your band over here and over here. Wow. I like, you know, but none of those things are what sustain this building. The beams are something you can't see. But everybody walks in here and feels a sense of safety. Why? Because there's something you can't see that is holding up the weight and saying, nothing is going to hurt you today. Not as long as I'm here. And they are the beams, dad. To lead. Well, you have got to learn. You may not get the accolades of the LED board. You may not get the accolades of the pretty stuff, of the intelligent lighting and the smoke and all the production. Those things get the wow. Those things get the. Thank you. Those things get all the compliments. The beams never get the compliments. You've got to be willing to sustain and sustain at a high level, operating off a very little compliment and maybe even sometime going totally unnoticed. My kids don't know a fraction of what I've done for them, and I don't ask them to. There are things my family will never know that I have done for them, working behind the scenes, things that they don't know about because I caught it before they had to know about it, and I fixed it before they ever knew there was a problem. Now, when you sit here and you start talking about being good at something, it makes you vulnerable because, you know, you haven't perfected all this stuff yourself. And sometimes you don't feel right calling things out when you know that your bed ain't totally made all the time either. There are inconsistencies in my life, and this is a lifelong journey, learning how to lead well, and learning how to be a husband. That's why the Bible says, he who has found a wife has found a good thing. It doesn't say, he who has found a woman. There's a big difference between a woman and a wife. Okay? And he said, he who has found a wife has found a good thing. A wife is cultivated by the marriage. It's cultivated by the man. A husband is cultivated by the woman. So source and sustainer. Can you turn around and sustain what it is you've created? And can you do it for 40, 50, 60, 70 years? That's the key. Not 10 and go. Move on to the next one. Ooh, I'm preaching real good. Now. The third thing you need to understand is managing differences is a place where you become great partners. And likenesses is where you become friends. To lead, well, you've got to know the difference. Okay? Me and Hope, we both love the beach. That makes us great friends. Me and Hope both are kind of foodies. We love to try new restaurants. That makes us great friends. You ain't going to believe this. I love to shop. I love to go get a Starbucks and walk around. And I'll just walk around and carry Hope's bags just to be with her. I just like the atmosphere. I just like seeing new stuff. I just like seeing what's coming out. I love to sit there and watch my wife try on clothes and. Yeah, that don't look good. That's the one. I'm different. I'm just telling you I'm different. Those things make us great friends. We like to travel. Those things make us great friends. Okay. Hope tends to move emotionally a lot more than me. I tend to be like that. That makes us great partners. That doesn't make us fight. Sometimes she's intense, and I need to get more intense about something. Sometimes she's too intense and I need to calm her down about something that makes us great partners. Okay. I'm an extreme visionary. She is very detail oriented. That makes us great partners. And we look at our differences as areas where we go to battle. And what me and Hope have tried to do is look at our differences. Is not the time to fight and go at each other's throats. But God gave that to me because I needed it. And God gave this to you because you needed it. And a man who leads well understands that these differences are not a battleground, but they become a place of great, great partnerships. A partnership is. You have something I don't have, I have something you don't have. And when you put them together, it becomes something much better than it would have been by itself. I will tell you, Hope and I have been blessed to see God do a lot of things, most of it which I do not think would have ever happened had I not had Hope. Hope's star is really shining bright right now. That's the word I like to use. It's amazing all the doors God's opening up for her. But I believe she will look here and tell you that a lot of them. She probably wouldn't have those doors open to her if it wasn't for me. Because we were better together when we created this partnership than we were apart and alone. Men. Now the burden's going to come on you. I got about eight or ten minutes left. Okay? It's going to the war. Don't. Don't leave me. The doors are going to be closing in on the men. Men. The Bible say that you are the glory of God. That word glory in the New Testament means resemblance. That people recognize God by what they see in you. So you can give a false representation of God because you're his glory. But now look what the Bible says. The woman is the glory of man. So I need to be able to look at a man and Tell something about his God. But I need to be able to look at a woman and tell something about the man. I had a pastor come in my office years ago, and I mean to tell you, his ego was bigger than the room. I don't get. Well, I don't get along well with those guys. And he was walking around my office. I was sitting down. I had a little sofa on there. His wife was sitting on the sofa. I was sitting behind my desk. And he's walking around, and he's this and he's that, and he's a prophet, and he's got this. And he's preached in this many places, and he's preached in this church, and he's got this going on. He's got this deal coming down and this door, doors open up. He. And basically, when he got through telling me how amazing he was, I just sat there quiet. And he said, tell me, what do you think? You know, he's wanting to be in my fellowship. I said, I think you need to go home and make sure the next time I see you that your wife don't have that look on her face that I see she's got right now. And it got that quiet. Woman is the glory of man. I could tell she was so sick of him. She was so sick of him. And I could tell he was all about himself and not all about her. When God. Okay, listen to this. Has chosen him to be the head. Well, if he's the head, shouldn't he be about himself? Listen to this. And he became obedient, even obedient unto death. Philippians 2. Therefore, God highly exalted him and gave him a name above every name. How did Jesus become the head of the church? By humbling himself and becoming obedient in the house. The woman goes first. The head of the house is the most crucified person in the house. Did you hear what I'm saying? Men who lead well understand they are the most crucified person. Jesus became the leader of the whole church by humbling himself and dying church. Therefore, God highly exalted him. My wife has no problem letting me lead. Why? Because I'm standing outside the bathtub ready to wipe her feet off when she gets out to make sure she don't slip. Oh, Pastor, that's over the top. That makes me. I can't. Okay, you do what you want, but when time comes for me to lead, she has no problem standing back and saying, I support you in this. When I went to my wife, who was building her dream house, to Tell her that I felt God was wanting to do something on the west coast and at age 50, was wanting up to uproot our life, which we loved, and expand our world 2,200 miles away. I was dreading that conversation while she's building her dream house that I promised her 25 years earlier and made her wait until we got to a certain place economically where we could do it. And we just poured the footers and the foundation on her dream home. And I'm saying, I feel like God wants us to move. She got quiet for about three seconds, and then she looked at me. She said, I'm going where you're going. And that was the end of the conversation. That's 1,000ft rubs. That's a thousand. You going in there and sit down? I'm going to wash the dishes. That's a thousand. Opening the car doors. That's a thousand. Texting her and making sure she knows I'm running 10 minutes late. I'm sorry. I know you had the dinner ready. That's a thousand of those. To give me that one big moment where she says, I'm going where you're going. Because the most crucified person in the house becomes the leader of all men. She is your glory. If I look at your wife, what is your wife telling me about you? This is how you lead your house? Well, whoo. I'm feeling this one last of all, and this is the most difficult. The Bible says in First Peter, Chapter 2, the acknowledgment is given to men to dwell with her with knowledge. Dwell with her with knowledge. The Bible does not exhort her to dwell with you with knowledge. Why? Because ain't nothing to know. We're simple. I always liken men to a light switch. We're kind of either on or off. Our conversation is not complicated. Our desires are not complicated. Our wants in life are usually not complicated. You know, and we're kind of on or we're kind of off. But you got women that are totally different, designed by God. They're like the cockpit of a 747 jet. And there's a thousand buttons in there, and you got to know which one to push when. And God exhorts you to dwell with her with knowledge. In other words, to take the time to learn what it is. How is your wife built? How is she wired? How is she put together? Because what am I calling on? I'm calling on men who lead well. Lead what? Go back and lead your home and lead it well. To dwell with her to knowledge to understand that she is on a cycle and you are not to understand that cycle and how it makes her feel and how it makes her respond to understand that she feels and acts and thinks. You think and act and feel. You think first she feels, first, you act, last, she acts after she feels, then she goes back and thinks about it. You got to think about it and then you act and then you have feelings about the action you just took. Totally different. But God has put the burden on you to understand how that works. You like to make up with sex, she likes to make up then sex. She ain't thinking nothing about it until you've taken that arrow that you've pierced her heart with and that you have pulled that arrow out of her heart. Wanting to take the era out with the intimacy. She wants you to take the era out because the intimacy is not in the sex. The intimacy is in you coming and saying, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. That's what's intimate to her. You're seeing turned on when she's taking off her shirt, getting ready for her bath. Let me tell you what turns her on. What turns her on is seeing you with the vacuum in your hand and seeing you with the towel, drying off the dishes and seeing you put the kids to bed together to that night doing the devotions after you've helped them finish their homework. That's when she's really turned on. And you've got to understand how that works. And in the Bible, chapter five of Ephesians is called mutual submission. Submitting to one another in the fear of God. But the burden is on you to know your wife and dwell. Don't dwell with her like one who doesn't understand. Dwell with her with knowledge. We need masculine men who understand their identity, their role in the home to respond back to prominence and lead well. We need men of character. We need men who the wives and the kids in the home see you privately, who you claim to be publicly. My wife shouts louder when I preach more than anybody. And she's listened to me preach for 36 and a half years. I can't even imagine. And sometimes I was preaching 250, 300 times a year. And she's still saying amen. I don't ever want a day where I'm preaching. And she's sitting on the front row rolling her eyes. Why? Because she knows that I'm privately not who I'm claiming to be publicly, that I'm telling people and exhorting them to do things that I don't do myself. These are men who lead well. Comment about it. If you're watching me on YouTube, put some comments in there. Tell me what you think. I do. I read them. I'll slum through them and I'll read them, sometimes even respond. Like share is so important that you do that. If you're watching us by podcast, I need you to subscribe. But I want you to take this and say, let me tell you something, it's only about a half hour, but you need to listen to this guy because I just gave five great challenges that men need to understand to be able to lead their house and lead their house well. Lord, I bless them and I thank you that you wouldn't have asked us to do it if we weren't capable of it. Bring men of God back to the houses and back to the church, back to our nation and ask for it in Jesus name. Amen and amen. Here again. Subscribe like, like share, comment, do whatever. I want to hear what you got to think and I want you to get it in as many people's hands as you can. And until next time, and the next one's going to be good. It's really interesting, the topic we're going to bring and the people I'm going to be interviewing. So don't miss it. Until then, thank you for tuning in to Ron and Hope. Real raw and relevant because we're totally unfiltered here. I'll see you soon.