Offsetting Your Spouse's Weaknesses | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign.

Hello everybody. It's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real, raw, relevant. And we are so glad that you are here today. Ron, what we talking about? Wait, wait, wait. You didn't get a drink of water.

I'm switching it up.

You didn't put a cough drop in your mouth.

Switching it up today? Yep.

Okay, awesome.

Just want to do something different.

Different. What we talking about today?

Recognizing and offsetting your spouse's weaknesses.

You don't have any.

It's gotta be for real. We're trying to help people. I just not trying to be a comedy show. We're trying to help people.

Just can't find any weaknesses.

It is difficult.

Yeah, I know.

I have some deep down in there.

If you dig deep, that deep wet surface in the middle of the night.

Listen, I left California with ragweed. And I got here and everything was yellow with pollen and I had the crud doing better. You heard me cough all night. One night. But you did not offset my weaknesses. You criticized my weaknesses that night. There needs to be a learning curve in that really. Because I needed. I needed some help.

I was coughing like that, but over and over and over.

Help me.

I can't help you.

You can't get up and help me and pray for me.

I did pray for you. I prayed.

You go in the other room and I did.

Yes. Finally, at 4:30 in the morning.

Man. Hear all that bitterness coming through this microphone.

Because I need my rest. Ronald.

There's nothing we'll talk about, are we? Yeah, let's hit them.

That ain't a weakness. God made me that way.

First thing is, let's be something serious and then we'll go into them. Cause to get them to talk about theirs, we have to talk about ours. But first thing is at our marriage conference we have one of the things we talk about. It's not a whole session, it's just a part of a session. We talk about the difference between friends and partners and how marriage is unique. And that is the fact that those are usually two different things that are played out in two different settings. But in marriage they have to both coexist.

Right?

Okay, for instance, let me go this way. I want to set this up for everybody because they need to understand this. I tell people like my dad, my dad, the largest church he ever pastored. Our biggest days was probably 250, 300 people. Okay. I don't ever remember my dad having a staff person ever. I think he had a part time secretary one time. It was just for a little while. So my dad was one.

He typed the bulletin.

So my dad was the one. My dad typed that stuff. What? Yeah, he was a one man gang. Well, he got us to do stuff. So daddy had a whole family for his salary is what he had. I cut the grass and went in there and straightened up the hymn books at night and vacuumed the car. I mean, it was just. It's just the culture, the way you did it back then, the whole family. If a pastor got a paycheck, the whole family run the church. So long and short of it. I told people, I said, my dad never had to make really an administrative decision his whole life. He got to be pastor all the time and pastor administrator. Two different things. Pastor, I shepherd you pastor. I'll do anything for you, to aid you, to try to help you get where you need to go to come out or what you need to come out of. But as an administrator, you know, we have, last I checked, like 146 staff people. We probably have a volunteer staff of up near four figures and organizational flowcharts and all type of contract labor and this and that and other. And so I have to walk in a room and decide, you know, am I CEO or am I pastor?

Because it's a delicate balance.

Oh my gosh. Because they have to do two different things and they have to walk. You know, for instance, if you're there and you need pastoral counseling and you've been addicted, did the drugs. We're pastors and we bend over backwards to minister to you. If you're in there to process our data and accounting receivable or accounting payable, you got to work. And if you can, I got to get somebody in there who can. That's a whole different kind of decision.

You don't have to pet them.

Yeah. And a lot of times you go in this room and they're like, well, I thought you was a pastor. I'm like, yeah, but you're taking God's money on salary and benefit package. And this is your assignment and this has to get done, you know, so I have to walk in because those two assignments are almost mutually exclusive from one. What I would do as a pastor, I'd never do as a CEO. What I would do as a CEO, I would never do as a pastor. Okay. Basically, friends. You're friends out of likenesses. I talk about you both like action movies or both like Mexican food, or you both like sushi, or you both like ball games, or you like the same team. And those are the likenesses that create friendships. Your Partner's out of weaknesses. I don't need a partnership whose strength is my strength.

Right.

That's not a partnership. When two businesses merge, it's because this business does something, that this business thinks that this business does something good. They stink at when you put them together, they become powerful.

Right. Well, I was taking out of you, right?

I was going somewhere totally. Yeah, you're going next level now.

So I have what you don't have anymore.

God reached into the ground to make Adam. Then everything else. He reached into Adam.

Right.

That's powerful.

It is.

Eve came out of Adam. So therefore Eve possesses what Adam no longer has and Adam possesses what Eve no longer has. So let the two become one flesh. When you get the two right partners together, it is a great one. It is people that are having a hard time being one. Usually it's because of these things right.

Here, because they don't know that principle, first and foremost, that I was taken. Yeah, I was taken out of you. So I have what, you know you're depleted in some area because I was taken out. But then I get mad at you.

For not having that area, having that same characteristic. Yes, I said instead of, pardon me, y', all, seriously, I'm on the backside of it. I'm doing better. But it was yucky about five days ago. We take those differences which God brought that person in your life to shore you up and make you complete. We use them as a place of battleground. People go to war over these things because that is where I'm different from you. That is where you're different from me. I'm not only supposed to recognize and celebrate your differences, I'm supposed to offset your differences. So the places where I don't possess.

This quality, that's why I try to drive all the time.

Because clearly that's just not going to happen. Because all the wrecks have come from one side of this family. I have never had a all of the rims. There's only one person in our family that's ever driven into the side of the administration building.

That was the car's fault.

But it still happened.

Yes, the car's fault. It was.

Yeah, it cranked itself up in the building.

It was running. But I was parked and I thought it was in park and it was.

Car'S fault that you thought it was in park Drive.

And I got out and shut the door and it went on the way.

Of the admin building.

I did. But Ron, you almost kill me 100 times a day and other people, you get this Close to the back of a car.

She starts doing like this right here. And I look, and it's about a mile.

No, it isn't. No, no, no. That is. You gonna get struck, Ron, you are up on somebody's butt in front of us. This close. I mean, so close, you couldn't even put a person in between it. And then they'll slam on brakes. So inevitably, you have to slam on brakes. And. And I'm like, ron, if you weren't so close, you wouldn't have to slam on brakes, baby.

One of our posts of silence is the Bay Area of California. There are 14 million people. It's called traffic.

You do this in Greenville. You do this impossible kingdom.

I put on traffic, Put on brakes in traffic. But let's. Let's. Let's talk about some areas where we're weak and we recognize it. We don't go to war.

You don't recognize that one, though.

What one?

The driver?

No. I have a very good driving record, okay? And my insurance is cheap because of it. I don't even have tickets.

What?

I don't have any tickets.

You've never had tickets?

10, 15 years. I can't even remember last time.

You get at least two tickets a week in California for driving in the wrong lane.

Oh, I ain't talking about that.

For driving in the wrong.

I don't get too. That was when I didn't have fast pass.

They take your picture driving.

You going, that ain't wrong. They take your picture in California, they got fast pass, and my car thing was out of date. And so they take a picture of you and they send you a $15 fine at least twice a week. That is not happening. I don't know how.

Anyway, let's keep going.

It's not a weakness. Security forgot to do that to my car. That's security society. I can't do everybody's job. Okay, all right. What would you say one of my areas where I'm weak and you offset it, and it don't bother you to offset it. You understand? That's not an area where I'm strong. I can name four, five.

Keeping up with the household, like bills and all of our policies and all of that. You don't. You're not administrative at all, really.

You know, when I realized that passwords.

Computers, doing all the banking.

You don't. Sometimes life will allow things where you see things that your spouse does that maybe you took for granted. Unfortunately, a lot of people know. Thirteen years ago, we were separated for a short time when we Were not together. I was lost. I mean, to tell you, I was lost. You had everything online, you have everything scheduled. And I didn't have a password, I didn't have a passcode. I didn't know what went where. I didn't know how much anything was. And that was one of the first, like the light came on. Like, man, she takes care of this and I don't even have to worry about it. And I'm being for real right now. I mean, I mean I had a real light. I'm like dog gone. She's got all this stuff. Yeah. And I don't have any. And I didn't have any idea about any of it because it's not something you've ever asked me to do, nor have I ever had to worry about until you were gone.

Right.

And when you were gone, it was like, oh crap, you know? And I'm sure I could evolve and learn how to do it, but I had just never been asked to. And here again, you don't know. You need that thing you're leaning on till somebody kicks it out under you.

Right.

And all the bills, I ask you every time I get paid, how much money do you need?

Right.

We put that into.

It's the same amount.

We put that pretty much. We try not to create a lot of bills. And so we put that in there. We try to put rest in savings or whatever investment we may be doing or we got some things we do for our grandkids, for school and this, that and other. But we take that. I give it to you once it gets to you. I don't have any idea what you do from that point on. I just know the bills are paid and nobody's ever come got me.

That's right. And they're never late.

And I know that I went to trade cars two weeks ago and my credit was a 755. So you must be paying them on time and paying them good. And I'm going to tell you something, I'm grateful for that because I don't ever have to worry about that. I don't ever think about it.

Right.

Never think about it. I do think about the vision for my household. Now that's different.

Yeah.

I'm always the guy. Here's where we're going. Here's what I want to do. Here's the trust I want to open up. Here's the college funds. I want to. I mean, I have the vision, but the month to month execution, you do.

All of it right. Oh my goodness. We've Got an ad. We've got an ad right now.

We do, we do. We do.

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Yep, I remember.

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Well, that's kind of like you have to.

You have to use it and we love it. It couldn't come across authentic unless you actually use these vendors. So please do that. Another one for me. Another one for me that I have where you got me. And I don't. Sometimes I may know it, sometimes I may not even realize, you know what? He just. That ain't. That ain't his thing. I got him. I can tell you what it is. It's all of our scheduling.

Scheduling? Yeah. I do all the scheduling.

All of our personal life.

I'm basically your other administrator. I'm your life administrator.

Let me tell you guys Something I have never in my life, except at a gate, bought a plane. Bought a plane ticket. Ever.

No.

Okay. We have trips that are amazing. Rarely does anything go wrong. The last one, we had some stuff go wrong, but had nothing to do with your planning. She plans all those types of things. I get really stressed and gone a long time with no time off, and I'll just keep plowing through. She will come in there and say, Thursday, we're going to so and so. And I probably would have fussed about that 10 years ago. I don't fuss no more when you come tell me that. So those are an area I don't know that I've ever planned a trip. I mean, like, maybe if we gonna do a day trip, I get up in the morning, let's go do. But I'm talking about like a trip.

Well, I think that goes back to just your gifts, your gifting and what you're good at, what you're not. You truly just are not good with technology.

Y' all think I'm sandbagging, though. Y' all think I'm sandbagging.

Remember, phones, computers with bills and online things and just administration in general. That's just not your thing. You're great, great, great, great in other areas, but that's just not.

I see that it's administrated.

Yes. You want it done.

Yeah. And I know if it ain't done. Yep. I hold it accountable. One of yours is.

Oh.

Just doing things for yourself.

What?

Hope. You're so rotten.

I'm rotten.

You just. It's bad, is it? It's bad. It's just.

But I never have asked.

And everybody knows it.

But I've never asked you.

But you are just.

You do it because you want to do it. Like Ron. You say I'm rotten and you say doing things for myself. I know how to get in and out of the bathtub. I'm not handicapped. You come in.

What I say a little bit. Nope, Nope. I'm not a naked monger.

Yes, you are.

I'm not a nudity monger. I'm not.

Yes, you come in there. Because that is the whole goal. It has nothing to do.

Your son is helping. Don't tell him about nudity.

Get in and out of the tub.

I said. You don't sense danger?

Okay.

All of our bathrooms. The tile is slick.

Ron, we got a mat.

The tile is slick. Okay. How many hip surgeries have you had? Two on. Which ones? Both of them.

One on each.

Okay. Now, why would I not want you to Put your weight outside on a tile floor when I have nursed you through two. Because I get out, you step out. You use me to press your weight when you're getting out. I take the towels, I wipe off your feet and make sure they're dry.

Why does that make me rotten? Because I had two hip surgeries.

Because you're rotten. It's just rotten. It just is. And when your feet. One of your weaknesses, not realizing how hard your feet get.

It's because I go barefooted. That is not a weakness.

So what do we do in the mornings? I bring you your coffee. You sit in a chair. I bring you a blanket, and then you take your feet and set them in my lap. And that is your morning. It's the way your day starts. And you got so bad recently with this hernia surgery you had where you just didn't even ask. You just sat in a chair and just point. You just. Because I couldn't get up. And so you point, and I just get up out of the chair and I come sit back down. And then, about time. I'd sit back down, you go, you take. You pick up your cup, and you go, no. And it'd be empty, and you just set it down. You wouldn't even say nothing. And I'd get back up and I would go do it. And so just the generality of doing for yourself. Hygiene can be a weakness. What? Yes. Yep. Hygiene.

So anyway, this has gone down a rabbit hole.

Hygiene, nothing. You know how your hair gets wet, right? What is hat day?

Okay, wait a minute.

What is hat day?

So what does that have to do with you? Do you go wash my hair for me?

No. I have to remind you, I'm your reminder.

Oh, you're the reminder?

Yep. Like, baby, we really need to think about a shower today.

Okay?

And I say it nice. We really need to consider that we don't need to go days at a time. We had a first day, a second day, and a third day. I tell you about a third day. We can't go any further than that. We have to have a bath. Right?

Okay.

Agreement with that. Okay. You get the last one. What's another one of mine? What about the office?

No, I'm going to go something pretty personal.

What about the office?

You scared?

Yeah.

You scared?

I got personal weaknesses.

You scared? You scared? No, this is true. This is a true one. This is for real.

Okay. You want to whisper it before you say it? Do you want to whisper it before you say it?

Because you are. How do I say this? In a good way. You tire of people quicker than. Quicker than that. Oh, God. I have to be the social butterfly of the couple.

You gotta explain that. You can't just throw that out there.

Run tires of people quickly.

You don't know the depth at which I pour out.

Oh, my God.

You don't. You don't know the depth that I pour out.

Well, people all around us. I look over. Ron's in the corner looking in his phone.

Okay, all right.

Oh, I run. Come here.

Okay, let me tell you what she's talking about. Oh, okay. I'll leave the house in dark. I'll go pray for an hour and hour and 15 minutes. No, on Sunday morning.

Let me do the little volume.

This is reality.

Okay.

Okay. I get ready. I go through two services from beginning to end. This is this past Sunday.

We're talking about a Sunday.

Okay? This past Sunday, which is nothing but talking. I mean, like, word tank gone, go back. Family eating back there at our green room, having lunch together, which is nice, but talking, you know, carrying on conversations. Went home, changed clothes, got in a car, and we had about 10 people going to a place up near Charlotte where I was preaching, just talking. Then I went into the green room, met everybody before service, talking. Then I went for a two and a half hour service, talking, ministering. Went back afterwards to an after meal with more preachers, talking. Okay. And then coming back, we just had a car full. It ain't being tired. That's one unusual day. But here's the thing. It's in those settings, like after I preached, and we're in the ready room, and we got all these couples and everybody's laughing and having a good time. And it's 11:30, and you see me start getting quiet and you start pinching me on the table, saying, you're being rude. And I'm looking at you like, I'm not being rude. I'm done. I am done. I don't have anything else.

But it's true. Early in the marriage, that would aggravate snot.

It did. It made you mad.

Made me mad. And I would say you was being rude. But now what do I do? I cover your back.

Y', all, we gonna get Ronald home.

No. Or I'll blame me. I'll say, y', all, I'm tired or I'm sleepy.

So let's be fair to all this. That is one area that was an agitation. It was because you are like, Mrs. Let me be in the middle of everybody. That's just your thing. And you are amazing. At it.

I told you, it doesn't weaken me.

No, I told you last Sunday, it energized when we went back home, said, come here, I want to tell you something. I sat you down on the couch, put your feet in my lap, and I told you. I said, I just watched you today. And I said, you just freaking amazing. I said, the magnetism.

Wait, put that up there.

The way you're. The magnitude. I sat there and told you right in your eyes, looking at you, tell you that. But I get to, you know, God don't have the word tank a woman has. Anyway, just in general. But you get me where I've been. I started talking to God that morning. I mean, I'm at 11 o' clock that night, and I'm still talking. I mean, I'm just done. And I'm not trying to be rude. I don't want to be rude. But there comes a point like, okay, I can't answer another question. I have nothing else to say, you know, And I don't mean in those settings to zone out, but that's exactly what I do. What I do. Show people what I do.

Ron, you'll be like, it comes across as rude. It does. Cause you're like, very short answered. And you're like, mm. Or what? You'll look at me? Yes. And I'm like. I'm over here smiling and really trying to engage and. Cause you're going, yeah.

But all you've had to do is say an occasional amen during service.

Brian, that is a service I'm talking about just in general.

Maybe if we just have some friends over. I don't get like that. I'm telling them, why y' all leaving. Y' all party poopers. Y' all can't hang. Y' all going to bed at 8 o'. Clock. What's wrong with y'? All? So I'm. But it's always got to do with. Usually after I've ministered. And then there's.

That's true.

There's friend time with a bunch of people we know after I've ministered. And I just. I give it everything I got.

People who don't minister don't understand that it's not just spiritual stuff. It's the body, soul, spirit. I mean, it's focused. You zoning in energy, you've been amped up, trying, you know, to get ready to deliver the word. You've delivered it, and then you're exhausted.

Well, you come down, you do. And I take. Sometimes we take people like that on Sunday And I will sit there and tell them, guys, I'm going to listen a little more than I'm talking because I can feel the air going out of the tire.

I know it. I get that.

But you do. You cover me. But now I've gotten to the place since you've told me it comes across as rude, I will just warn people up front. I'm like, look, guys, I'm about talked out. I've been talking all day. Y' all talk, I'm gonna listen a little bit and I can do that. But if you keep making me give, I struggle at a point where I just don't have anymore. And you cover me. Yes, you got me.

I do.

It's not a battlefield, guys. It's not a battlefield.

It's just knowing your partner.

No, it's not about.

It's trying to truthfully go into it with understanding.

And when I go see that you.

Haven'T understand, you're different.

When I see you haven't plugged up your car and I know you're leaving at 9 the next morning, I go, God, don't do that. No, I just grin, say, my baby. It's perspective. Yeah, it's perspective. It's God. There's another thing they don't do.

It ain't that instead of focusing on all the great things that they do.

I take care of my baby. I'm gonna take care of my baby. And I want to. And when you get up next morning, I want it charged, I want you taken care of. So those are just things. Now, a lot of this, we're talking about growth over time. I mean, we weren't married, you know, two months and we knew all these things about each other or even five years. But I don't remember many things outside of the. I do remember that really aggravated you because you thought I was, you know, I was being non talkative and turning off. And you, I remember you would go back home and you'd fuss at me, we'd get in the car about that. But other than that, I don't remember a lot of contention. We just picked up where the other person couldn't. That's just what we do.

And yeah, doing a standoff doesn't fix anything.

Like if you just walked by the coffee pot and said, I am. Ron is going to make the coffee. I'm not making no more coffee today. Yeah, people that get in, that kind of thing, I just don't get, get it.

Why it's the person who gets up first at our house, whoever, whoever Gets.

Up first, makes the coffee, period. You made it this morning. You got it before I did. I just, you know, just whatever. And it's just. It's. It's just one of those things, you know, I. I went in there last night. You know, we had the grandkids, and they were all soaking wet from being in the bathtub. Yeah. Two nights ago. And there's stuff everywhere. And so you got any clothes? And I just start washing the clothes. What did you do? You went and took them out and dried them? I just think that's the way it's supposed to be. I've never said no, baby, you're the one. You're supposed to be the person that washes all the clothes. I hate dishes. I don't know why. I don't know why I'd rather vacuum the whole house than wash a dish. No, not dishes. Then wash a dish.

Okay, but you did it last night.

But last night, you had Inner Circle. And I said, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna grill something. I'm gonna cook for you. And so we grilled, and we cleaned it up. And then after Inner Circle, everything was done. And we spend the rest of the evening together. And I was like, you know, crap, she ain't cooked yet for me this way. Just enlightenment. So I think it's all, like, you're talking about perspective. That's your night. Nothing's pulling on me that night. You have an assignment that night. You had to prep for it. You had to study for it. You had to prepare. And then it's 45, 50 minutes, so you going at it. And then after you cut the lights off and cut the computer off, you know, I wanted to have things done for you. Why? I didn't want you to go wash dishes. I want you to be with me.

You know, I think these are just. Some of this stuff is just common sense conversations that couples need to have.

But it's a warfare.

Like, what is your. What are you. What do you feel you're good at? What do you feel you're not good at? How can I help you in that? I'm talking about this, Moses. This is just sitting down and having conversations that are going to help your relationships and being willing to fill in the gaps.

Yeah, you're right. Well, I'm glad I got you.

Oh, I'm glad I got you.

Sure would be lost without you. And, guys, we want y' all to watch this on your favorite streaming platforms. We want you to go watch it on YouTube. Tell them right quick. This is our podcast so we can promote what we do. We put a lot of emphasis and a lot of effort in what we do. Tell them about the Inner Circle.

Inner Circle is a mentorship arm that I do. Not that I think I know everything that I am, have all the answers. It's just that I'm sharing what God, you know, downloaded in me and sharing the things that God is sharing me. I just believe that just like this kind of relationship, these are the relationships that help strengthen us. I think you need to have a lot of mentors in your life. And right now, this year, this whole year, we're doing the Fruit of the Spirit. Because I really feel like, you know, everybody in general wants to. Wants to live the best life that they can. They want to be the best and live the best and have the best. That's natural. But I believe that you will have everything that you're supposed to have if you become who you're supposed to become.

Life is not having. It's becoming.

It is becoming. And I believe that we should always be pouring into ourself and allowing other people to pour into us. And that's what it is. We meet on the first Tuesday night of every month and the third Saturday of every month, have a private Facebook group. We talk on our own. We have a private Circle app. I've heard many of you communicate.

I think it's your strongest stuff, and.

It is really enriching. And this Fruit of the Spirit thing has been so convicting and so powerful. So if you would love to join, go to hopesinnercircle.com and all the information's there. You get the first month free. You get my book for free, and I'd love to have you and go.

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It'S Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real, raw.

We'll see. You guys relevant.

He missed it. He just missed it.

It's my we.