Relationship Secret Sauce | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign.

Hello, everybody. It's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real raw, relevant. What you doing over there hiding behind your microphone?

I look skinny in my dicky shirt.

I don't think you look skinny, period.

But supposed to make me look smaller. It.

That type of shirt does, like, make.

You, like, you know, it makes me look skinnier.

Not skinny, but, like. What's the word?

Contoured. Yeah, shapely.

Shapely. Kind of like a Spanx would do.

Shows my big hips and big glutes.

Oh, my God. You do not have big hips.

Shows my dump truck.

Yeah, right.

What?

Your tail looks like two tiny little.

I have a donkey.

Like two. No, like two little tomatoes.

I have a donkey.

Okay, Ron, you gotta admit, you have the smallest butt. Your tail is smaller than our grandsons.

Baby, you gotta admit, I've done a lot of work on it, to no avail in the last two years, to no avail. The squat rack and everything. And it is really, really producing.

How did we get on that?

I just wonder if this made me look. I don't usually wear Dickey's work shirts anymore. And this is.

But that's our Red Worship.

Red Worship. And they thought it was really cool to get the work shirts. And I said, well, go ahead and get them. And I went in my office, and there was one hanging up in my office. I'm like, in other words, they want.

You to wear it.

I think they were sending me a message.

I like it. It looks really good.

I think it is a cool shirt. And by the way, you can get them. Yeah, if you just let us know, go on our website. Because all of our church merch and Red Worship merch is available, but this is called relationship secret Sauce. And here's. Here's what I want to do. But I'm kind of feeling carefree today. You know why? Because I'm tired and sleep deprived. So you know how I get when I get tired? I get silly.

You do?

I get silly. And that's 1. 1. 1. Another negative to me.

Relationship secret sauce.

Relationship secret sauce. And before we tell them, before we tell them anything, I will say this.

Roses.

I hammer in where I think people are missing it.

Spa days.

I hammer in where I think people are missing it. So when they're doing good, I want to come back and say this. There's so many things that this new generation, the millennial generation, which is now pretty much moving into most positions of leadership, especially in ministry, there's some things they left out that I think are very important. And I've been Very vocal about that.

Yes, you are.

Two or three weeks ago. Weird church. If you haven't seen that. We need to go back and see that podcast because I'm very passionate about some things that I just think you can't leave out of the Christian experience. But the flip side is there's a huge focus on relationships. You can't. You know, Instagram is the millennial heaven. Gen Z heaven. You can't go through Instagram without a million relationship goal things on your feed. I don't even know how they all get on there. I don't know how the algorithm gets all those things on there. But I can go through some mornings and out of every 20 things that I would scroll, seven or eight of them sometime are like relationship oriented. And I know that I've hit on some things and tried to study the way the secular world looks at it, but there are some young Christian authors that have done a really good job trying to define relationships. I think boundaries in relationships. Me and you talked about looking at doing, you know, responsible dating. What is responsible dating? Because as a Christian, me and you have been very, very vulnerable about all the dumb things we've done, all of our screw ups. I think we sit around and tell everybody always screwed up, but I think we dated, right.

We did.

We dated right.

Just dated too long.

We dated too long. I agree with that.

Three years, long time.

We dated. Right. And were we perfect? No. But we had boundaries and we had lines and we didn't cross them. And I think that's something to be said for that, especially in this day and time. So there's a lot of people that have put out some good information to this generation who may not have had positive relationships as a role model in their house, but you've got authors who have put out some things. And if you want to find the tools to good relationships, it's out there. And it's out there from young guys. So I'm going to give them credit. It seems like anxiety, depression and relationships is where a lot of the young guys have really zeroed in on and tried to help their generation. And kudos to you. So what I don't like, I'll say it, but when you do something right, I'm going to say it too. But this is probably not a word that you're going to see in most of those books or in those sermons because it sounds like an old school word, sounds like a Bible word, sounds like a church word. But buddy, if you lose it.

You'Ve lost your relationship.

If you Lose it. The chances of relationship surviving. I don't know what those exact chances would be, but they're slim to none.

Yeah. If you're watching this on YouTube, type down there in the comments what you think the word is before we get.

To it, before we get to another. I'm not ready to say it. We ain't giving enough time.

What do you think it is in a relationship? One word.

If you lose it, that nobody really says anymore. It's not a conversational word.

How can it ruin a relationship? Okay, what is it, Ron?

Honor.

Honor.

I'm going to talk about it probably in terms of marriage mostly, but it's the secret sauce of every relationship.

It is.

And the Bible goes to great lengths talking about honor. And I have always said this. I think it's original with me. If somebody else wrote it, I don't know where it is. Honor is the culture of the kingdom. Faith is the currency of the kingdom, but honor is the culture of the kingdom. I don't see in the Bible where the kingdom can function, where there's a lack of honor. Let me work my way into marriage. I'm concerned because in the church there was what people I think thought was too much honor or fake honor or, you know, the pastor, the evangelist would walk down the hallway and everybody's got to turn and look at the wall, you know, and all those crazy things that were happening. I don't know that that's honor.

Right.

You know, I don't know that's right. So what do we always do? We say all this stuff. Well, I don't want to be that.

So we go completely.

So we go all the other way and we put Jesus in a pair of flip flop and blue jeans and, you know, sticking in everybody's back pocket, make him everybody's good little friend. And the fact is it's never one side and it's never the other. It's always somewhere in the middle. But we always react too extreme to what one generation does in a faulty manner. We go too far the other way. And so now you got guys going up on stage and saying, hey, what's up, Tim? No, it ain't Tim.

Pastor Tim. You wouldn't call your doctor? Hey. Hey. You'd say, Dr. So and so.

Why? Because you receive people. I ain't never taught this stuff here as you perceive them.

Right.

Okay. So if I'm coming to speak at somebody's church and they say, hey, you know, I got Ron over here, he's going to talk to y' all a Few minutes expectations. The expectations were going way down low because they receive me on the same level. They perceive me. Say, pastor, prove that biblically. The woman at the well, read it. Jesus was getting nowhere with this lady. Nowhere. And then finally he said, you know what? I got to break through this. Go call your husband. And the next word she said. She said, I don't have a husband. He said, you're right. You've had five. You're basically living with this one. He's not even your husband. She said, sir, I perceive thou art a prophet. Thou. Then she allowed him to prophesy, because when she left, she said, come see a man who told me everything I ever did. She. He prophetically spoke in her life. So what does it mean? It means until she saw him as. That she couldn't pull that out of him.

Yeah. Just like Jesus in his hometown could do.

No Jesus could. Why he could do. A prophet is without honor in his hometown, on his hometown. So he did mighty works everywhere. But when he went home, because they didn't expect him to, did he lose his anointing when he went home?

No.

Why? Because what happened in their life was never. This is hard for people based on the magnitude of Jesus anointing. It was based on whether or not they honored him properly. And when you.

And this is not about putting a man of God on a. On a high pedestal.

It's about seeing them properly.

Yes. It's. Honestly, it's about. And we'll bring it down to this. It's about honoring each other.

Yes.

Every. Every human.

Okay, here's the. Here's the ministry. If you honor a prophet in the name of a prophet, you'll receive. You'll receive a prophet's reward. What does that mean? If I honor you, then the thing that God put in you to bless me, I will extract it from you. Okay.

Yeah.

If you honor a righteous man. So get out of the ministry. Just each other. In the name of a righteous man, you will receive a righteous man's reward, meaning even God can bring the common. And there's something in them that can bless you, but the only way you will extract it is through the secret sauce of honor.

Yeah, okay, that's true.

You can take somebody whose life has been miserable, they've done nothing with it. They got a rap sheet from here to the other side of the nation, and you can go start honoring them, and all of a sudden you will start pulling stuff totally different out of them.

It puts a demand on the goodness.

On the inside of them. That's a good way to put it. Say that again.

It puts a demand on the goodness.

I like the way you said that. It really does. And so I want to get. I want to work this into marriage, but I want to say it works in ministry. A prophet in the name of a righteous man. In the name of a righteous man, even common people. Because friendships. I can prove to you biblically that the Bible says when we serve each other, we serve the Lord Christ. So I'm really not even serving you, because if I serve you, I won't serve well. And I won't serve long because you're.

Going to get on my nerves.

Because we only serve.

And let me down.

We only serve each other until we find out something about them that we don't like. That's right. That's when we leave the church. That's when that ain't our favorite pastor no more. Because we found out something in their life that we don't like.

They offended us.

Exactly Right. So basically, honor is what allows me to extract the blessing out of people. Yeah, it does. Well, we got somebody that is helping us do what we do. And I'm going to leave you.

That's right.

Just to talk about it.

Let's talk about Nutrafol and let's talk about awful, gross hair thinning. You ever had that, Ron?

Yep. I got a scar all the way around the back of my head because I don't mind telling people. I went to Bosley and tried to get me some more, and it did all right.

But not for what you went through.

Not for what I went through. Neutrophils. Nutrifal's a lot better.

And the older we get, I have noticed. I mean, I have to work hard for my hair. My hair thins.

Hormonal. Listen, listen, this ain't neutrophil. It's funny you said that. I was listening to some comic. I think she's a Christian lady, kind of older. She talks real Southern. Yeah, I can't think of her name. I saw her, and she's an 80s girl, kind of like we are. And she said, I went to see a Deaf Leopard concert the other night. She said, oh, I used to love them. She said. And I went. And she said, and they still had that long hair. She said, and you could see through it. Excuse me.

But anyway, maybe Def Leppard needs some neutral, too.

Go ahead.

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That lets them know you're listening.

That lets them know you're listening and that gives them incentive to continue being a wonderful sponsor as they have been. Excuse me. I apologize for that. Every time I get on them airplanes every time I get on.

Well that should be your whole life.

We have been traveling so much lately doing what we're doing and I'm telling you I know they supposed to have all this purification airflow system every time I get off the when you bunched.

Up up against 200 and something people.

Yep. This far apart rubbing elbows. But anyway. Excuse me if I cough. I don't mean to do that in your ear or in your face but we were talking about honor as it pertains to ministry, honor as it pertains to each other and honor being the secret sauce which allows us to extract something. We just had our marriage conference and I had the night when we do our big. Our dinner, kind of our midway through formal dinner. Not totally formal, but quasi formal dinner. I do a little thing on cultivating intimacy where it's not really honor that I talk about, but I skirt around the edges of it. And I always told people, I said, you know, let me just build you up a minute. One of the things that was so unbelievably attractive about you was you had a way. She's got a way of just making me feel. I'm actually being serious right now.

I know you are, baby.

You had a way of making me feel almost like I could do no wrong. I don't know how you did it. I don't know if you tried. I don't know if it's just an ability you had or if you were just in love that much. I don't know if you had ability to make everybody feel that way, but you made me feel that way. That was an extremely. That was an extremely huge quality to me because I had dated girls, I had dated pretty girls, I had dated popular girls on down the line, but I never dated anybody that would look at me in a way like you would look at me in such a way like your day started when I entered the room.

It did.

I mean, and like I said, whether that was, I'm going to snag him, and you knew what to do, maybe you're good. Or if you just. If that was just you. But those, Those were feelings that you made me feel that I had not felt before. And I call that the look of honor. It's the. It's the look of esteem. It's the look. It is an extremely, extremely attractive feature.

It's that. Ah, that's how you described it.

It's the. Yes, it's. And it's an extremely attractive feature, but it's extremely hard to maintain. Familiarity is the honor killer.

So true.

Familiarity is the son's killer.

What does that mean, familiarity?

Okay, what did the people in Jesus hometown say? Who does he think he is?

Yeah, that's just Joseph.

That's Joseph's boy. This is Mary's boy.

I know him.

He's not any messiah.

He's coming.

In other words, when they removed the honor and replaced it with I know Jesus, I watched him grow up. When they replaced it, what was special? Everybody else, what was special about him could not bless them. We got another place that I preached about just the last couple of weeks ago. The woman with the alabaster box. I am convinced that God brought her in that room to shame. The 12 disciples who had grown familiar. He was coming toward the end of his ministry. In fact, she was anointing him, the Bible says, for his burial. So this is right before he was about to be crucified. They've seen the miracles. No big deal. I've seen him feed people. No big deal. I've seen him cast out devils. Okay, I've heard the sermon on the Bible. It's time to go. Yeah, I've heard all the fireside stories. I've heard them all. Been with him three and a half years. No big deal. And he went into a person's house with the 12 disciples and did not even get the greeting of a common Hebrew. And the Bible says, in came a woman and took her life savings and broke it over his feet. And it was special. It was special because he taught them in that moment, you can't be around me and be familiar. For me to be in the room, it has to be special. Honor is when I can, 30 some years later, see, you wake up in the morning when I can still do that. When you.

When you still think I'm pretty and my hair looks like the flash in the morning.

Yeah, your hair does do that flash. It does. It comes close to your head.

Because I sleep on my side, but.

Then it jets back.

I sleep on my side. And it kind of like it's been.

Doing that for a long, long time. But. But it's, you know, like when I saw you coming down the aisle when we were getting married. Can you do that? When I see you getting out of the bed, coming for coffee and. No, it's not unrealistic. Because I think it's something that generates in the heart of a person where they make a determination. This will be my standing.

That's so. That's so key right there. It's not. It' not that the person that you're honoring or dishonoring has done something to you is honorable. It's that it is your standard that I choose. This is how I'm going to treat you and everybody else. Because it's my standard and because it's the quality of a good Christian.

But I think the feeling arrives out of that. We want that feeling first. We want that the feeling doesn't come first, especially after time. It's the posture. It's. I'll say, the posture of your heart. It's an inner decision.

It is. It's because that's who I am.

I will. You cooked for me the last two nights. I know.

That sounds so simple.

No but people don't know our life, and they can. You know, everybody's busy. They don't want to hear us say we're busy. But me and you both are cranking it out on a level we have never cranked it out ever. And you've been with me while I was cranking it out and you were a helpmate, but now I'm cranking it out. Life is exploding, and you're cranking it out because your own set of things is exploding. And so times like cooking a meal have almost become precious two days in a row. So we came home. I don't think I complain, but I always let you know, boy, I sure do miss your cooking. If it's been two or three weeks or something. So the next night I was going to carry you out, and you're like, I think I'm going to cook again.

Because I miss my kids.

Let me tell you something. Just be honest. How many times did I say thank you? Three or four? At least twice.

No, three or four.

Do you still tell her thank you.

You know, when she cooks the simple things? Or do you expect it?

Do you. Are the green beans like the green beans always are? Or do they. No, they taste really good tonight. They taste. It's not that I'm consciously saying, I want to butter Hope up. I am grateful. You didn't have to do this. We're tired. I know you're tired because I'm tired. And you went in there, I mean, started cutting up potatoes and peeling them from scratch to make me mashed potatoes. You could have done it any kind of way. You could have got powdered potatoes in there and added water. But, I mean, you go in there and you're cutting up all the fresh ingredients, and, I mean, you put me together a meal, and I gorged on that meal.

What about that pork loin?

That pork loin was amazing. And they don't know nothing about pork loin with vinegar, though.

They don't know nothing about it. Cabbage.

Cabbage. And cut up some carrots with some sweet cornbread, baby. They don't know.

They don't.

They don't know. They don't know about all that.

You couldn't help but honor me after that.

Mashed potatoes. I'd have took you shopping anywhere you wanted to go shopping after those two meals. But that's not the little things, the thank you. I don't know, you know, if you feel any tingly things when I say that. But I guarantee you, over a long period of time, if I didn't say it, you'd receive it. It would affect me. Exactly right.

It would affect me.

I'm used to Ron saying it, so I don't know that you get butterflies, but if I stopped it, you probably won't want to cook no more because there's no appreciation there. There's no honor.

And even I think it's so important. It's harder, I think, the closer you are to somebody because it's familiarity. The longer you've been with somebody, you can lose it easier.

It's called falling out of love.

That's what the world calls it. Yes.

Falling out of love.

But I think just in general, like the people in our parking lot, we never leave the church service where you don't roll down the window or I don't roll down the window and say, thank you for serving.

Thank you so much.

That's honoring for the way you represent. Thank you for serving. You know, and these are volunteers who.

Could be doing a million other things.

Yes.

And they're out there giving their time. They're not even getting to come into service. They're giving their time to make sure people have a good experience.

People on an airplane, if we'll get bumped up to first class or something. You know, you get free chips and sometimes a meal and Cokes and blah, blah, blah. And I just. I see people who have even gotten into who that's, like, familiar entitlement. And they're in first class. They never say thank you to the.

Stewardess, Never make contact.

They don't make. I mean, it's just like, serve me, serve me, serve me.

The first thing me and Hope try to do is find a name tag.

Yeah.

And I'm like, if there's a waitress or something, we try to find a name tag. And thank you, Tammy.

And they look at you funny, and.

When you go, thank you, Tammy.

Right.

And then you can tell you'll get the best service of anybody on there because you've honored them.

Exactly.

You haven't made them feel like a ghost that drops off potato chips, but you're invisible to me. You have a name. You bring value to my trip. Thank you for making it comfortable. And it's amazing what happens when you just keep this secret sauce. And, you know, hope keeping the. Is a posture of the heart, and it's intentional.

It is.

I think people call, we fell out of love means familiarity is set in. And I don't have the feelings I used to feel.

But you did it. You allowed it.

I don't want to just be in this and just living together and not have those feelings. You're going to get married 27 times, right?

Because that's going to happen again and again and again and again and again.

There is no person you're ever going to marry that's going to give you a 50 year feeling. No, it's not going to happen. So what you got to understand is it is a posture of the heart where I'm not waiting on you. You said it to do something honorable, right? Me honoring you is my spirit. Will cause you to do something honorable.

It does.

It'll cause you to be your very best.

It brings out the goodness.

It'll cause you to be your very best. I notice when your hair is different. I notice when your hair is different. I notice when you have on nice clothing, especially some things I like you wear, you know, you gonna hear it. I hear it. I talk about it all the time. You're down on the front row. Amen in my messages. Hope you've heard everything I've ever preached. You've heard everything I've ever. Do you know how many church services you've been in listening to me preach?

10 times every message 10 times over.

Oh yeah. I mean even the new stuff, you know, you've heard me refer to those scriptures before because I've just been doing it so long. And you're standing up because it's good down there. Amen. But also what are you sending a message to everybody else in the room? I honor this man. Yeah, okay. That's a loud message because the people are saying she lives with him and if she sees him like that, how much more is he personal?

It's a choice. It is like a one time and forever kind of thing that it's almost like a realization, you know, like in algebra when the light bulb goes off, you're like, oh, okay. That, that's what this, how to do this. That's what this is. I think it's a one time thing when you really get the concept of honor that it becomes something that just is automatic for you. You've decided it. This is who I am. This is. Yes, it is part of your nature. Part of your nature. And it just happens. And you know who has it and you know who does not. You really do. And you can't demand somebody honor.

No, no, no.

That's not real honor. That's not real honor. That is just behavior modification. I've seen so many, so much abuse in the area of honor, especially in churches and pastors and you know, I'm the pastor. And you gotta treat me this way. And you have to. When I come down the hall, you gotta stand up or turn your head or what? And that's ridiculous. That is not what we're talking about.

Let me stop. I walk in our initial meetings in what we call our creative thinking rooms. I'm so sorry. In our creative thinking rooms. Every Tuesday morning. We take Monday off, so Tuesday's my Monday. And we go in there and I went there this morning. Every one of them stood up. I have never, ever, ever asked any of them to stand up. I have never gone around or demanded. I don't know if y' all have. I have. But I've never gone and said, now listen, when I walk in the room, y' all stand. That'd be weird. I've never done that. Yes, weird. But do you know how it made me feel that I've been gone for a couple of weeks? We did the marriage conference on the east coast, and then we had to go do our board meetings in Florida with our corporate board meetings. And then we just got back. It's my first day back in two weeks, and I walked in there and everybody stands and, man, I want to be in that room. I'll just get emotional humor.

It's humbling, actually.

I want to be in that room. I felt such a honor. Yeah, it wasn't that I felt missed. I felt I'm wanted here. I'm valued here. And honor, man, to somebody who's never had it, you can change their life with it. To a marriage or relationship, a friendship that always starts with it. You will have to be intentional to maintain it. You have to be intentional with words, intentional with actions, intentional with noticing. You'll just have to be intentional with things.

I think when you learn to honor.

God, honoring people isn't.

It's an offshoot of that. I mean, you know, I think it's really a huge reflection of your relationship with the Lord. I really, really, really. Everything in our life is an outflow of our relationship with God. But honor, you know, I honor him, I revere him. I so grateful for him, all the amazing qualities he has. So I'm in. I honor him. I'm in awe of him. And to know that what he did for me, such a sinner, you know, he who has been forgiven much, what loves much, loves much. And it's the same way with people. You know, we're not smart enough. We're not good enough. We're not from the right side of the tracks enough. We don't have enough money, enough. It's by the grace of God and the mercy of God, who we are today. And you know, it's not a prideful thing. It's actually humility thing. When you learn honor and then you turn around and give it to other people.

You know, a while back, right before Christmas, we went to some of our friends church in Phoenix. And right at 20 years, I think it was 18 or 19 years in ministry, they were celebrating and it was right at 20 years. And I thought that's about the time familiarity starts setting in. And you can feel familiarity too. Like you can feel honor. Yeah, you can feel familiarity. I would give a couple examples, but I don't know where. We knew that it was happening to us and we needed to shift and move and change our methodology because things that used to be very precious to people were not precious to people anymore.

And well, you know, as a leader, you know, when that sets in, you're honestly really wasting your time because they're not receiving from you.

If they don't honor you, they don't receive from you.

They're not. They're not going to get the best portion of you. They're not going to be able to learn to grow, to stretch, to be reproved, rebuked, challenged. There's no way you can if you don't honor.

Okay, let me tell you this. Go back to this, what you said earlier. Honoring is not because you are honorable. That's objective. It's because it's my standard, subjective. So no matter how you behave yourself, I'm going to honor you. Okay. Having said that, there are times when a man of God or a woman of God comes in the midst and there'll be people that get something out of them that nobody else in the room will get out of them because they approach them with such honor. There are people that you and I have never stepped in front of without a gift. I don't teach other people that, but that's our standard. When we get in front of greatness, we get in front of greatness with a gift because what I honor it. What did the kings do when they went to see each other? They would bring a gift to show how much we honored your kingship. And so we have gone before mighty men and women and we bring a gift and then all of a sudden everybody else in the room didn't get nothing out of it and our life was revolutionized. You see what I'm talking about?

I do.

So whenever, whenever you honor it, you get the reward that is on their life. If you are in a relationship of any kind where you feel like it has grown stale and grown familiar and the honor has left the room, let me tell you what change doesn't start. Well, I just need them to start acting as something different. They want me to change. Honor starts inside of you. It starts inside of you. It is the culture of the kingdom. It is going to be very hard for you to receive anything heavenly in your life if everyone. In fact, I've always said the culture of the kingdom is honor. The culture of disrespect is Jezebel. And I didn't finish about, I'm sorry, Phoenix. So I went to pastors about 20 years of service, and the Lord told me to preach the message on honor. I got out of there and you looked at me and said, ron, that's one of the most powerful messages you have ever preached. Then the couple told us later that day how much that had challenged them. The things that we said about honoring a lot of people, honor leaders, but they don't honor each other. A lot of husbands and wives will honor other people's husbands and wives, but won't honor their own right. And so all I can tell you is there is an inner posture that flows out of a relationship with God that causes you to be able not only to esteem God, but esteem your brother and esteem your sister, and you will see them act differently around you than anyone else.

So true. If you've liked this today, and I pray you have, I want you to, like, read these comments, Please share these podcasts, go back and listen. Listen to the ones you haven't heard. Listen. If you would love my brand new book, if you do not fight, then you don't.

Is it actually available soon?

February 23, February 23, February 23.

Everywhere.

Everywhere. Everywhere. But listen, you can get it for free, for free. If you go to hopesinnercircle.com and what do you mean for free? Hope I will give you my book for free if you will join the inner circle. And even when you join the inner circle, you get the first month as a trial for free. So you get the book for free. You get the first month for free.

It's hard to lose.

It is hard to lose. Or you can buy it, get it any other way, wherever books are sold. But we're so excited about if you don't win.

She worked really, really hard on this.

Then you don't win.

I sat on while she's set up with a computer type, and so I know what goes into this, and she writes them all herself. I'm not making a dig at those who use ghostwriters. I had to use a ghostwriter because I needed one. But every word, she typed it out. And I'm believing this one is going to exceed the last one. And when we get closer to the date, we'll just say, congratulations again, but until next time, thank you so much for checking us out.

And this is running hope unfiltered, real, raw, relevant.

See you guys later.