Ron + Hope: Unfiltered - God's View on Sex

Foreign.

Hey, everybody, it's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered. Here we are. Ron's got his iPad out today. He's got his Bible. He's got his phone. He is locked and loaded, guys.

Ready? Tell him how nervous you are today.

I'm not nervous.

You're very nervous.

I am not.

You're very anxious. You're very nervous. So go ahead and be real and raw.

I don't deal with that anxiety.

You set the topic up, but then you got scared after you set it up.

I didn't get scared.

Tell them. Just be real.

Tell them what?

How nervous you are.

I'm not nervous.

Tell them about the topic.

The topic today is, what does God think about sex?

He thinks highly of it.

Yeah, he does.

He does think highly of it.

He wrote a lot about it.

Yes, he did.

He designed our bodies for.

Which is what people don't really realize is that he did. But just what made you so nervous when we get. We got to sit down? I could tell you started getting nervous.

I wasn't nervous. You were just being very, like, bullheaded and.

Bullheaded?

Yes. And very, like what? Cocky? Like, I got this. I got this.

Now you were showing nervousness like, you can't. You can't show timidity in this subject.

There's no nervousness. Let's just go back to you being bullheaded.

I was trying to bring you out of timidity.

Oh, my gosh.

I was trying to get you up to where you needed to be to talk about it.

I'm just gonna sit right here and let you talk today. Let you just do your thing. You preach.

I'm gonna let you ask questions.

You got. You got this.

You can interview me.

Okay.

You wanna interview me?

Yep. I'm gonna interview you because you are the specialist.

Look, I got all these scriptures. Look at my scriptures. I've come to be totally biblical today.

Totally. You have to be.

I know it. Not come to do opinions. I've come to be totally biblical. I just had me something to eat. I'm good to go. My tummy's full. I've had a shower.

I don't know why. I just want to hit you right now. I just want to, like, pinch you and, like, push you and hit you. You're getting on my nerves like that. Getting on my nerves right now.

Go to bed early and rub your feet at night.

Oh, my gosh. Here we go. I'm talking about right now.

And I think I loaded the last thing of dishes.

I think I did not the last.

Thing, the one before last, the big one.

I didn't know we were keeping, like, a tally.

I had it all done, though. I had it.

Here we go, Ron. Let's come on to the topic.

Done.

Okay, guys. See, we don't have, like, the perfect marriage.

We do.

I just.

Amazing thing.

So bad.

The most amazing thing.

Oh.

Don'T pinch.

I do pinch.

No, you don't. You quit that when we was dating.

Did I?

Remember?

What does God think about sex, Ron?

What do you want to start? Seriously, where you want to start? Now that we've been playing around, let's get serious. Where do we start?

Somewhere very casual. What does God think about sex? Number one, he created sex to create life.

I think we need to give a warning first. Cause I tell people, I said, like, when I do the session in the marriage conference, I just tell them right up front, like, all right, don't email me. Don't write me in. Don't be mad.

Like, oh, Pastor, I can't believe you said.

I believe you talked about that, this and that and other. I'm coming right out of the Bible and the things that I'm talking about. I'm going to be honest with you. In a public forum, I've only heard me and you talk about it, and I've only seen one book that writes about it. Like, we're going to do it today. So if this. If you're just. If you're just approved and you know, this stuff just really, really. You can't hardly sit there and listen to it because it makes you so embarrassed. You need to have a warning because about a few minutes into it, I'm going there.

But you know, when you say that, it just, you know, triggers so many thoughts. There's so many people who do have a lot of hangups. There's people who have a lot of issues.

And a lot of traumas have been. Sexual traumas.

Exactly. And there's reasons for that. Number one, they've been taught wrong.

Wrong.

They've been taught wrong. They've went through sexual abuse. They've been through trauma. They've been raised maybe in a very traditional.

You've got two spectrum, two opposite spectrums. Number one, you got this extremely hyper religious environment that has what I call this smug view of sex. The smug view is God is standing up there and says, all right, I'm gonna put my hand out and you nasty little things. I'm not gonna look at y'. All. Y' all go in there and do this. And when y' all get through. I'll look at you again, you nasty little things. Yeah. And that's kind of the religious view that God tolerates.

Right, Right, right.

And you get married and get married because God knows we're just grungy little.

You know, and he has to let us do.

Yeah. And because y' all are not any more holy than that. Get your stuff over with. But I can't look at you while you do it. So that's the hyper religious view. Then you got the other view, which. We live in a hyper sexualized culture.

Right.

And people have had so many hurts, traumas, perversions, twists. What's the list? Fetishes. I mean, we got. We got the lgbtq. I can't even list all lmnops. Yeah. I can't even list all of it. And they just keep adding what it's like something new. A new sexual path is created for people to walk down. So you got people who've been hurt on this end, but you got people who've been hurt on this end. And so all of it is really a lot of disinformation. And the Bible still says, even in this area, the truth will set you free. So what me and you did many, many years ago is try to really search the word of God. We read a lot of books, we looked at a lot of things, we studied a lot of stuff to come up with God's biblical view of sin.

Because we had our own issues.

But when you really look at it for a lot of people, it's almost hard to hear that God actually. Wow. It's in the Bible. He came up with this stuff. So I always tell people, hugh Hefner didn't invent sex. God did. But the world has perverted it. Preachers have preached against it and hope. There's been so many ridiculous things. I know. Ridiculous things I heard in different things in church. Now, guys, we're just going to talk, okay? You know, I remember I was in junior high classes and boys youth camps, and they would teach boys that if they started masturbating, you'd end up gay. I mean, it scared every little boy in there to death.

Who said that?

Yes. These were like, youth camps and stuff. They would tell you this stuff. And I mean to tell you, I have heard stories like that from people who come up in church. That's just preposterous. It's just ridiculous. But they don't know the Bible. They don't go to Bible school. They're not a Bible scholar. So this person, they trust told them this. So in other words, they live with these false concepts and then live with the guilt and the shame that they think comes from disobeying God when God said no such thing. You know, So I don't know everything God says about it, but I know a lot of the main places where God addresses these subjects. And I'm telling you, there's going to be a lot of people that this podcast going to be blown away.

Well, there's a lot of conflict. It creates so much conflict in marriage. I mean, the two things that most people argue about is sex and money.

That's the two things everybody wants more of.

Yeah. And more freedom in. I mean, the truth is, we all as married couples want freedom and to enjoy that area of our life.

And everybody has problems with sex and money. But where's the pulpit? Silent.

Yeah, Boom.

Sex and money. And where the pulpit is silent, the people will struggle every time. It never fails. Now, nobody talks about the Holy Spirit, but the Holy Spirit is the governor of the kingdom. He's the coming of the kingdom. Kingdom is righteousness, joy and peace. And the Holy Ghost. In the Holy Ghost, everybody preaches on anxiety, right? Everybody's preaching on anxiety because they won't preach about the Holy Spirit because he's the peacemaker.

Right.

He's the peacekeeper. He's the agent inside of you that keeps calm when life is falling apart. But they won't talk about it. So where the pulpit is silent, the people will struggle. And so that's the approach I want to take to sex. But seriously, me and you've been cutting up and going back and forth. There's way too much for a 30 minute podcast. We take a lot of time with this in our marriage conference. And even when it's not the marriage session, we're cleaning up sexual stuff. We're cleaning up sexual happenings. Rapes, molestations, you know, promiscuity, all these things that broke out. And we're trying to clean the baggage up that we brought into the marriage. And so much of it has to do with sex.

Yeah.

So if you guys can hang around, we're going to go there. All right. No bad emails.

No bad emails.

No bad emails. Let's go number one. Let me read First Corinthians 7. Guys, stay with me while I read the Bible. It's very important that I brought my Bible. I don't want to quote this stuff to you. I want to read it. I want you to know where I'm getting it from. First Corinthians 7 says something that's very, very powerful. This is my Bible that knows where to go. It's tore up and pages are hanging out of it. And I got it all marked up, but I keep using it because it knows where to fall. First Corinthians 7. Now let me see which verses I got marked out. 1 through 9. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife. Let each woman have her own husband. Okay, we got it. What God's saying there. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. That means have a lot of affection.

I'm do it. You do it.

The wife does not have authority. Looking down at my glasses. The wife does not have authority over her own body. Now, boy, the feminist should love that statement, shouldn't he? But the husband does, and all the men said amen. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. And all the men said amen. So either way, men, we.

Oh, my gosh.

But here again, I don't have the right to withhold from you. I don't have the say so over this. I gave that right away. When I became one, I gave it away.

So does that mean that no matter what, no matter what you're feeling, no matter what's going on in your life, you have no right to say, I don't want to have sex tonight.

I'm not talking about really feeling like and being tired and all that. Those are things that should be mutually understood and respected. I'm talking about more along the line of an attitude of withholding. I don't have the right to get mad at you and say, well, I'll show you and not render you the assignment. Yes. Withholding, getting back at resentment, paying you back. I don't have the right to take my body and even the score.

Right, let's stop right there because we have an ad, okay? Oh, this is going to be good.

We're already 11 into this thing.

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Absolutely.

All right.

Do all these things. You gotta understand they help us out and they help us do what we do and they help us keep doing it for the.

Yeah. And if you want to lose weight, I mean it is proven. It's proven.

But they gotta put the running hope on there to let them know when you heard it.

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So the advertisers keep advertising. We love you Noom. We appreciate you being a sponsor. And by the way, hit the subscribe button, hit the like button, do everything you can because we believe stuff like this is really, really helpful and we try to throw a laugh in there and me and Hope are always going back and forth with each other but we love and live doing that. We have a good time. And so we're going to let you in on that. I didn't know we already have third three withholding. Let me keep reading. And I might not go all the way through it here because I got to really pick and choose with the time that I have. Do not deprive one another except for consent. So the only time there's deprivation of sex or one another's body in the marriage should be when it's mutually agreed upon and can be for a variety of reasons.

Right.

You know, it can be for a woman's cycle, it can be for a time, it can be fasting, it can be a lot of things. But the fact is it has to be consent. So you know me asking God, can I go fast and let my sex life be part of that fast? I've asked the wrong person. God didn't tell me to get consent from him.

Right.

He told me to go to you and get consent. I can see people's brains spinning. Hope. I can just see it in my head right now because these are just scriptures that we don't get up on Sunday morning and preach these scriptures. So don't bribe each other except for consent. For a short time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt. That shows you how powerful the drive is.

Right.

Because Paul is writing to the Corinthians Church, who had a lot of sexual mess. I mean, he addressed incest in this book inside the church, not in the world.

Right.

He wasn't addressing it in Hollywood. He's addressing it in the church. And so the fact is.

And we think all the crazy just started today.

No, no, man. This stuff's been going on a long time. We just find new creative ways to do it. But it's been here a long, long time. So in other words, there can be times where we consent, but we must understand to come back together. Because if that desire is left unfulfilled and just gets to build within the marriage, it opens the doorway for temptation. And so, you know, I like the fact that the apostle Paul, unmarried, so he's not writing this from experience. He's writing this by the inspiration of the Holy Ghost. So the Holy Ghost is giving him what to say. He's not writing a about his marriage because he's not married.

Right.

Okay. So we know that from 1 Corinthians 7. We do not have authority over our own body. Now, things that can hinder sex, before I get into what does God accept and what's unacceptable, how much should we let our husband or our wife know, or even a person we're dating seriously, or even a fiance about our past? We have something that we really teach people about this. It is not healthy, in my opinion. I can't go to a scripture and a verse, but you confess things one to another, that you may be healed. I think sex secrets going into a marriage are the most lethal. Yeah, that's my opinion.

Yeah, I agree.

That's my opinion. And the fact is, about a past, especially for a man, a man being very visionary, you cannot give a man details, nor does he need them. Yeah, but I think it's fair to let somebody know that a past exists. Yeah.

That you have one.

Yes, there is a past back there.

But you don't have to give details.

Yes, there are happenings that either happened to me or that I either took, you know, participated in before I got to this place in my life.

Right.

And you need to know, because it affects you. Exactly.

It affects your soul.

That's the last thing it affects you. Part two, especially, you've got to talk about the past, the part that will affect them. If there's something that you have been involved in that can directly affect that relationship. They need to know, for instance, God forbid, you had an abortion in a previous relationship and you lost the ability to conceive.

Right.

Well, that person needs to know that you can't withhold that information until you've been on the other side of the altar. That's just a nuclear bomb went and go. So that's the things I'm talking about. If there's been, God forbid, diseases or things this can affect this, they need to know and they need to be talked about. And whether or not that person can manage that information really is the proof of love. Because love keeps no record of wrongs. So these things you should be able to talk about freely. If you're scared to talk about it, to me, that's a red flag to me in the relationship moving forward. Have you walked through things that caused you emotional harm? That needs to be talked about. Look, this trauma, this happened when I was 15 and it traumatized me. Yeah. Or, you know, I was 10 years old and, you know, my stepdad exposed me to pornography at 10 and it just messed me up because you can't awaken things before their time. And so those things need to be talked about. Bodily complications, medications that may be needed here again, Hope I can see people just putting their hands over their face. But no, you're not going to get up Sunday at church and hear sermon on this. These have to be talked about at special times because it's just not Sunday morning information, mistakes.

And that's part of intimacy. Intimacy is information. And so you have to be willing to sit down and talk about the hard things.

Say that again. You blew right past that. But that's one of our stalemates.

Yeah. Intimacy is information. And that is.

It's not sex.

No. Inside. So giving the proper information. Yeah, it does. It gives you clarity, it gives you understanding, it gives you grace.

We had some friends back in the day where the girl had been through some stuff and they were getting married and I forgot they were going to be missionaries or what. They were going in some form of ministry. And I remember him coming back to the dorm room and saying they were engaged and had been engaged about a month. And she felt like she had to tell them some things that she had walked through. And he said, we both cried. He said it hurt to hear that. He said, but we bonded like we had never bonded. And he said, I think God actually. I prayed and God actually used me to be a healing agent to her. So those are times that you don't need to fear, really, if you're with the right person, it could be a great time of healing.

Yeah.

So next thing you need to know is men are visually stimulated. Listen to me, ladies. Hope did this study. I didn't, but I'm going to use her information where, you know, men have a place in the optic nerve that is tied directly to the male genitalia. That is why men are so visually stimulated. Why is pornography a multi billion dollar industry? It's not because women, it's because of men. Women may be involved, but even if they're involved, most times men pull them into it. Men are visually stimulated much differently than women. I don't mean that.

And God made it that way.

I don't mean that women don't enjoy something nice looking. I'm not saying that. But men are visually stimulated. In other words, sexually, they can go from 1 to 10 with no touch.

Right.

Just being visually stimulated. And women need to know this because a lot of times after marriage, women get what we call women get the mom body. Yes, we do get the mom body. You get, you know, you get the damage that kids can do. You get the stretch marks or, you know, you're carrying an extra 20 or 30 pounds that you never were able to lose. Exactly. And then you start, you start covering. You got to understand that is lethal. That is lethal because when the relationship is right, you are the standard of beauty for your husband.

Right.

There has never been a form, shape or fashion that Hope has been in where she was. Not my standard of beauty. And I'm not just trying to get points right here. When you were nine months pregnant, you were the most beautiful thing on the planet. When you got through and you had your little jelly belly and you had your stretch marks and you would show them to me. You were the most beautiful thing in the world when you weighed 117 pounds and you were six, five olive oil. And yes, people called you olive oil. You are the most beautiful thing in the world. So in a marriage that is healthy and right, the wife is the standard of beauty, period. So you cannot withhold mental to see. Yeah. You cannot withhold that sight to him. Because I tell women this and you can see this is not deep, but I can see it in the, when we're in the marriage session, I can see the light come on in their eyes. If he can't see you but you forbid him to look at anybody else.

What'S he going to do? That's just frustration.

Where does he go? Yeah, he is a visually stimulated being. You know, we were talking about that thing the other night with somebody's birthday party about Love is Blind. Yeah, the popular Netflix series where they don't get to see each other. And can they fall in love without it being a physical attraction? No, I didn't. When I fell in love with Hope, I didn't fall in love with her spirit. Okay, she has a great personality. That's code for she's ugly, Ryan. Yeah, that's what that is. She has a great. Well, you know, is she pretty? Well, she has a great personality. My gosh, Let me tell you something. If I was in that pond and we had had some great conversations, Ron, and that curtain opened up, you know, and she had three teeth and a bad foot.

I cannot. I can't with you. I cannot.

It just ain't going to happen. I don't care how many good conversations we had, because the reason I went all over that college campus to find you was not because of your worship, is because you were the prettiest thing in the building because you're physically stimulated. Then it was physical attraction. And then I found out after that how wonderful.

So, bottom line, the question of the podcast is, what does God think about sex? So he created sex.

He tried to shift. No, no, no. We'll just take one here.

So he created sex for pleasure is what we're talking about.

Procreation and pleasure for pleasure. So it's okay to be stimulated and physically attracted like that. Do you want me to talk about the burden being on him, or you just want me to go straight into the stuff? You know what I'm talking about this morning.

Just go on, Ron. We 24 minutes in.

It's all right. We'll go 40 minutes. Ain't no rule on our podcast. We can go two hours if we want to. First, Peter 3:7 says for the man to dwell with her with knowledge. Okay, I told you he's visually stimulated. And you have got to remember that throughout the duration of the marriage, he's visually stimulated when he's 16, and he's visually stimulated when he's 86. That does not stop, okay? To the man, dwell with her with knowledge. You have got to understand what you're married to. The knowledge she's not visually stimulated. When you take off your shirt, guys, it does not have the same effect on her as when she takes off hers.

No, it don't.

It just don't. I don't care how good of shape you're in, it don't do the same thing because she's not stimulated the same way. Okay. Dwell with her with knowledge. Understanding that her body is on a cycle. Your body is not. Dwell with her with knowledge and that she usually doesn't go from 1 to 10 at the same speed you do. And there's other types of stimulation that are needed.

Men are microwaves, women are crockpots.

Yeah. So, you know, you've got to know that. Understand that her body's on a menstrual cycle. And there are times where sex is much more attractive at some times of the month than it is at other times of the month. Absolutely. That the desires are up and the desires are down.

And it has nothing to do with how she feels about it. Has everything to do with the chemicals flowing through her body.

It's hard for the guy not to take it personal because the man feels rejection. But here's what he said. Dwell with her with knowledge. It's not about rejecting you. It's that she don't feel like it this Tuesday like she did last Tuesday.

Right. It's true.

Last Tuesday she was in a different place in the cycle.

Chemicals.

It's exactly right. And this is real maturity for a man to know this. You still don't ever get foolproof, but boy, it sure helps when you have that information. Men get stressed a lot of times and become more sexually, what do you call it? Driven. Women are stressed and it's the last thing on their mind.

Right. It's complete opposite. And that is not fair. Everything in our bodies is complete opposite. And God made it that way. And why is that?

Let me go on with it. Know her. Biologically, women, maybe men just are not complicated. They're not. They. They think linear. They're logical. Women feel when you bring feelings into it, it just changes everything. Men have a thought about it, women have a feeling about it. Men act out of the thought. Women have a feeling.

That's what I said. We're opposite.

Yeah. And so men dwell with her with knowledge, understanding that, you know, emotions come into play. If she's tired, it just plummets.

It does.

They're not. A bunch of women say, you know, I work 14 hours a day, let's go. They don't. It's the last thing on their mind. So these are the things that as you grow in marriage, you minister to one another. I minister to you by understanding. And it's got to be mutual because if it ever gets one sided, then the war starts. It has to be mutual. So let's go to. All right, Pastor, I want you to tell Me what we can do and what we can't. And you say, no, I don't. Yes, people do. They want to be a good Christian. They don't want to get outside the lines. And they want to know what the Bible says is okay and not right.

Absolutely.

Now this gets into the book of the Song of Solomon, which people. I'm going to use words and stuff that they're not normal for you to hear a preacher hear this. Okay. I sat in a class called the poetry books of the Bible, which were Psalms, Proverbs, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes, those books. And we went to the book of Song of Solomon. And I was told that the Song of Solomon is a prophetic book looking forward to Christ and the church. It is, but it's its secondary application. The Song of Solomon was written by a man with 700 wives and 300 concubines and hope. It is a book of erotic love.

Yeah.

And pastors and preachers, you need to come real. It is a book by a man with great experience and experiences that almost drove him to insanity in the book of Ecclesiastes, where he says all is vanity. It is a book of erotic love that also can be allegorically tied to the relationship of Christ and the church. But this is talking about a man, what actually happened that is crazy about a woman and a woman that is crazy about this man and the activities they are involving themselves in because they are burning with passion.

Right.

And there is no other way to say it. And if you read the whole book, there is no way to read it without coming to the determination that is its primary application. All right, let's look at the first one. Okay, so we go back to. And we'll stop with these right here because we got. We could do this. We really could hope for hours. Let me go to Song of Solomon, verse one, chapter. I mean, chapter one, verse two. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. So God's all right with kissing? I figured I'd start soft.

God's alright. Okay, kissing, check.

I mean, that's the second verse of the book. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. So mouth kisses, not tight lip kisses. Oh, Ron, Ron, you know, tell him how I hate tight lips.

He'll come up to me in the morning, he'll want to kiss me. And I'm like. And he's like, no, no, no, no.

No, no, we're not doing that.

You'll say, that was a tight lip. Don't do it like that.

Have to have soft lip kisses.

Okay.

Chapter two, verse three. Okay. Like an apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight. And his fruit was sweet to my taste. That right there is talking about oral sex. I can't. And the Bible says that. Do you remember in the marriage conference I said respect for him being able to cast a shadow.

Ron Carpenter.

I sat down in his shade. I want to meet this guy. I sat down in his shade. Look. I sat down in his shade and his fruit was sweet to my taste. Go ahead and try to give me the prophetic insight on that verse. But that is what it is.

It is. Okay, check.

That's what they're talking about, oral sex.

Check.

And we have people that are Christians that absolutely don't believe in that.

Oh, my goodness.

I mean, it gets better. Chapter two, verse nine. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall and he looks through the windows, gazing me through the lattice.

She is giving him a show.

She's letting him watch her. It doesn't say what she's doing watch her, but she's given him the pleasure of watching whatever she's doing. And literally, almost like playing a game, she's letting him look through the windows, looking at the latticework. They're having fun.

They're having fun.

Thank you, baby. Thank you for saying that. They are having trouble. Chapter four, verses one through five. Behold, you are fair, my love. Behold, you are fair. You have doves eyes behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats going down from Mount Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep which have come up from washing every one of them which bears twins. None is barren among them. Your lips are like a strand of scarlet. Ok. Your mouth is lovely. Your temple is behind your veil. And you are like a piece of pomegranate. Your neck, your neck. Let me see where I'm getting this. Okay. Your neck is like the Tower of David, built for an armory on which hang a thousand bucklers and shields of mighty men. Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of gazelle fondling. They're playing.

Yes.

I mean, he's not. He's going to. Let's run. Jump in the bed and turn out the lights and.

Oh, my gosh. Pull up the sheets.

Hurry up. Come in here.

Look.

They.

They're having fun.

He's using her body as an adventure. It starts here. And he's just going down her body and telling her how much he loves everything.

He said your body is a wonderland.

Yep. That's what he's doing.

That's what he's saying.

So chapter four, verses 12 through 16. And I'm going fast. My garden is enclosed is my sister my. A garden is enclosed is my sister, my spouse. A spring. Shut up. A fountain, sealed. Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with pleasant fruits. Fragrant henna with spikenard, spikenard with saffron, calamus with cinnamon, with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh, and aloes with all the chief spices. A fountain of gardens, a well of waters, streams of Lebanon. Awake, O north wind, and come up, O south, and blow upon my garden that its spices may flow out. He's talking about every part of her body and equating them to precious spices. And then she turns around and responds, come upon my garden and blow upon it. He's not talking about. She's planted some cucumbers out in the garden. And go out there and go, I.

Can'T with you right now.

So she sat down in shade and gave oral sex. This right here is the opposite of that. He is come and blow across my garden. He's not talking about go outside and blow across the vegetables I plant. Talking about her body. So all this stuff is in there. I'm sorry that nobody's ever talked about it, but we talk about it. Okay, chapter five.

Can I stop you right here? And say, what if there's a woman out there listening and saying, I just don't enjoy that. I don't enjoy oral sex. What if a woman. I mean, so that's when the husband and wife are supposed to talk, and that's supposed to be mutual submission. There's some things some people don't like.

She needs to get in the word.

Ron.

Ron, we need to go back to Ephesians 5, and I don't have time to do all that. Where the Bible says, submitting to one another. Basically submitting to one another in the fear of God. So the Bible doesn't start off with wives, obey your husbands, and husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. That's chapter five, verse 22. If you go back to verse 21, it says submitting to one another because.

There'S nothing men don't enjoy.

Now, let me tell you something, okay? Clearly, we talk about sex that is unacceptable at the end of our marriage session. And the first thing I say, anything that is not mutually enjoyable.

That's right.

Is unacceptable.

Because if one person Enjoys it. The other person doesn't. That just builds resentment in the heart of the person who doesn't want to be involved in whatever's going on.

We're talking about. I want to make sure we're talking about. These are things that are spoken of in the Bible that are permission. Because God gives permission. But he doesn't say, you have to like them all.

Right?

Or do it or like them all. And participating in them is something that you work out in the relationship. But people are always asking me what's right and wrong.

Right.

And they say these ridiculous things that are wrong. And because somebody somewhere said it. And so that's what I'm trying to correct. Taking these scriptures. Do it. I got two more. I'll read and I'll quit. Okay. Chapter five, verses three through eight. This is the rough one to hear. Okay. I've taken off my robe. How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet. How can I defile them? My beloved has put his hand by the latch of the door. And my heart yearned for him. I arose open for my beloved and my hands dripped with myrrh. My fingers dripped with liquid myrrh on the handles of the lock. I opened for my beloved. But my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart leaped when he spoke. I sought him and I could not find him. I called him, but he gave me no answer. The watchman who. Who went about the city found me. They struck me, wounded me. The keepers of the walls. Anyway, he said, I charged.

You said anyway.

I'm trying to go through it fast. Let me see how far I need to go. Why did he leave? I charge. Old daughter of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, then tell him I am lovesick. She is preparing her body for him.

Yes.

So define that however you want to. She's thinking about him. He hasn't showed up yet. And she's thinking about him in such a way where she's going ahead and starting the process and waiting for him to get there. So she's fantasizing about her husband.

Right.

Okay. There's nothing wrong with fantasy. But nobody else can enter your bedroom other than the husband and the wife. And nobody else can enter your headroom other than your husband and your wife. That's a whole nother thing. Okay, last one. I don't need to read that. We've said enough. I said all that to say this. These are not proof points, but they try to be freeing points. Because on the flip side. Hope you like. There's a lot of People who don't want to do these things, There's a lot of people that do and heard they were wrong.

Right. So these things that are permissible in marriage. So let's go back to. It has to be mutually.

Mutually pleasurable.

Yes. Mutually pleasurable. Then there's other areas.

There's three areas. Let me say that it's worth saying that the rules about sex. Number one, what does the Bible say? I gave you some of them. They're not exhaustive, but I gave you enough. Okay. Number two, if the Bible doesn't speak what I always tell you, your conscience, your next authority outside of the word of God is the conscience of man. So you fall back to your conscience. What does your conscience tell you then? Number three, there's one more question to answer. Is it mutually pleasurable?

Right.

Because nothing is fun if one of them is not enjoying it. Okay, so those are the three. What does God say? What does your conscience say? And what does your partner say?

Right. We know that you're not supposed to.

I don't want to say the word partner.

We know that you're not supposed to bring anybody else into your sex.

The marriage bed is undefiled, the Bible says, but it's between you and the husband, between you and your wife. Which, when you bring anybody else into it, whether physically, mentally, whether by fantasy, whether by talk, anything else, that's when you have gotten outside the boundaries of marriage. The way I see the word of God is that God looks at the man in wife hope and kind of says, you don't have a playground anymore like you did when you're a kid. This is now your playground. Have at it.

But as long as it's between you.

Exactly right. As soon as it gets outside of that, whether it's in your mind or whether it's in reality, then you have gone down a path where it would be sinful behavior.

So a lot of people want this. They're like, man, yeah, that'd be great. But I feel this certain way when this happens or I'm dealing with this, or that's not pleasurable to me, or, oh, it makes me feel gross. It makes me feel dirty. Because I talk to tons of people going through healing, and I would say if you feel any of that way, those are huge red flags that you need to go through.

Right. Not everybody does what you do, though, baby. You have a unique anointing. You have a unique anointing. You have a horror story where God brought you back from the ashes of a lot of pain and therefore you attract people who have those same experiences and they look to you. So you hear a lot of things, you hear a lot of mess.

But what I'm saying is, if you have those things, feelings, there's something on the inside. There's a root in there somewhere that you need to dig up that you need to figure out, why do I feel the way I feel if God has given me this liberty, If God has given me this freedom, and I feel gross and I feel dirty. God does not want you to feel gross, and God does not want you to feel dirty. And maybe your spouse makes you feel that way, I don't know. But that is not God's best for your marriage.

God wants you to be able to give yourself freely to your spouse. And if there's an inhibition in that, I agree with you. There's something somewhere that needs your attention on the inside of your heart. Why? So that you can walk in that freedom. Just like God don't want you bound in all these other areas we talk about on Sunday. Well, this ain't Sunday. Let's talk about. God don't want you bound in this area either. He wants you to walk in freedom. He wants you to walk in purity. But I think, hope if I could end with this. This is one of our longer podcasts, but I think people will watch this one. I think people did a lot of things that are all right, but they did it outside of marriage. So when they get married, I used to do that when I was in sin.

So they equate it with sin.

Exactly, exactly, exactly. So they equate the act with sin instead of the relationship they were in. It was outside of God's boundaries.

Yeah, it was outside of covenant.

Well said. It was outside of covenant. And so they deprive their husband or their wife of those activities because they equate it with a time in their life they're ashamed of. And so what you're doing is the spouse is sitting there saying, why would you give that to people who was not in a covenant with you? But you won't allow me to have you in that way.

Right.

And so all these. There's a lot of things that go into this. There's a lot of emotional things in past that plays in the sex. But the thing is, I want you to know is God created sex. God created it for procreation. God created it to be pleasurable. And it is something where you're supposed to enjoy freedom in that area. Just like freedom of your finances, freedom in your mind, freedom every other area of your life, you're supposed to have that as well. And some of you, it's probably hard to sit here and hear somebody talk like this, but it's there. God does have an opinion about it, and I wanted you to hear it.

I'm going to stop talking.

Go ahead.

That was a great podcast. Listen, if you loved it, share it with everybody. Please like it. Subscribe. We love you guys. So until next time, it's Ron and Hope Unfiltered.

See you next week.