Ron + Hope: Unfiltered - Help!!! I'm Living With A Leader with Guest: Daniele Hage

Foreign.

And hope unfiltered. Real, raw and relevant. And back by popular demand is my friend Danielle. Hey. I'm so glad that you're here.

We're thrilled to be here.

Everybody loved our podcast about trying to understand men. Yes, yes. And I do. And it really did help a lot of people. Got a lot of good feedback. So we're just going to talk today because I know you're married to a very powerful man, a strong man. I'm married to a type A leader, CEO. Oh, Jesus. And it is a blessing to be married to such wonderful men, but it's not easy to be married. So I said, let's talk about being married to a leader. Not just a pastor, but a leader. It's like the women are screaming, help. I'm married to. And, you know, it could be a man saying, hell, I'm married to a woman leader.

That's true.

So, you know, living with a leader, somebody who is very forthright, somebody who's used to giving out instruction, used to dictating all the time and making the rules, calling the shots. It's not easy. No, it's not easy at all. So you've been married to one of those.

Yeah, one of those.

For many years. And I've been married to one of those people.

Yeah.

But clearly you are too. You're a leader. Yeah, I'm a leader. And I think that throws a whole nother dynamic into it when you got two very strong people in the house and working together.

Like, I think some of Ministy's biggest conflicts in 43 years started when we started our church.

Wow.

That we fought more.

Yeah.

Because vision.

Yeah.

And he wants to do it this way. And then me coming his helpmate. I think it should be done this way. And I mean, we would buck heads because we never really worked together side by side before we started the church. And I think I had to get to the place where. Well, it's kind of like a chess game. Okay. So, you know, the king on the chessboard can move one square at a time. The queen can move horizontally or diagonally, as many preoccupied spaces as she wants. Okay. So her job is to move in the preoccupied spaces, not get in the king space. And her job is to protect the king in the game of chess. Right. To guard the king at all cost. And I think that is something that I had to learn. Not that I ever wanted Steve's place. He's the preacher in the house. To get me in the pulpit, he had to drag me kicking and screaming because I was like, no, no, no, I'm not gonna stand in your pulpit. Like, oh, that's too intimidating. Because I had such a respect for him and his gifting. I was like, I cannot follow that. I don't wanna be there when you're gone. But he was like, no, I trust you. And yes, you have something to say and yes, you will. And so. But now, over the years, I've gotten used to it. But I would never say, hey, I have a word. I have something to share. Right.

Move over.

No, that's his place. I move in the unoccupied spaces in our life as the help meet, so. And I think too, one of the things that I had to learn early on in marriage is that there were times when he wanted to go a certain way, make certain decisions that I was not on board with. And I was like, been there, that's the wrong way to go. Nope. But what I had to realize as his wife, as his helpmate, that I would tell him, I don't trust you. I don't trust that decision, but I trust the God in you, so I'm gonna go with that. And whenever I would say that, he would think twice before he made a decision. Because what I did is put all that weight on him. Like, this is your decision. I'm not even backing it. But as a submitted wife, I'm gonna go with it. But I just want you to know I trust God in you and I trust you to hear him. And then he would come back to me before making the decision to go, okay, now tell me again what you do.

Tell me again.

Yeah, give me your side again.

When you didn't push him.

Right. And didn't argue and fight over it, but like, let's be. And then we would, in unity, make the decisions together and maybe he would tweak it a little bit, you know, to maybe kind of smooth over what I'm thinking. Because we had to be in unity, you know, for him to work together.

Yeah, right. I think there's so many dynamics. Honestly, I'm just sitting here thinking, you know, it could be a woman who's a stay at home mom, but her husband is the CEO of a company. That's different. That is so different. Then you have maybe a doctor who's married to a nurse. They're kind of the same. Then you have a pastor and pastor's wife who are both called to be five bold ministry. That's hard when you're doing the same job, but you know, you're under your husband, but then you Might have a pastor whose wife's a school teacher. Right. Totally different. Different lanes.

So.

But when you are really married to whether what lane it is, Right. They're strong. You really have to learn how to navigate that.

Right.

You know, not every man is a type A personality just because he's a man and he has a lot of testosterone. He's maybe he might be bullheaded or he might have that philosophy. You know, it's my way in this house. But that sometime is just rebellion. And sometimes a man. But to be married to a leader. Yeah, that's very difficult.

Well, and I think too, it has a lot to do because you just saying that, that sometimes the woman is maybe kind of takes the lead. Maybe she has more masculine energy and more. Maybe he leans more into his feminine energy. Doesn't mean he's a sissy. It doesn't mean he's a girl. It's just, you know, we're all born with different levels of. Of masculinity and feminine energy. Okay. We're all born with different or whatever. We had to develop, like single women who have had to financially support themselves, have had to develop their masculine energy because they're financially supporting.

They were forced in that role.

That's right. They didn't have anybody else taking care of them. So there's some. And I think sometimes in a marriage you take turns. Like, there's some areas in marriage where I'm better at this part, so Steve lets me lead. And then there's other areas where he's better, so I let him lead. So it doesn't always have to be that traditional. Well, the man pays the bills and the woman takes care of the kids because look how unconventional things are today. Now there's more stay at home dads and women are out there running the businesses. And to me, it's whatever you both agree on and what works for you. Because some men are like, yeah, I'm happy to stay at home with the kids. And I used to think, no, the man should be at work. But for some couples, I see it all over and it's like, it works perfectly. The woman makes more money and he's secure enough in his masculinity to say, good for you and applaud that and not be jealous or threatened by it.

Yeah, absolutely. Our children, well, our daughter, when she got married, she married. And their dynamic in their household was very different than our dynamic, mine and Ron's. And so it caused a lot of conflict for them because she was used to one thing and he Was, Yeah. The way she grew up, he was used to something different. And I had to sit down with him and say, the way we do, it's not right. There's no right or wrong way. The way your parents did it was not right or wrong. Y' all have to figure out what works for you.

That's right.

That's right. And run with it.

That's right.

It doesn't matter if you never wash a load of clothes. If he can wash them and fold them better.

Right.

Run with it.

My husband taught me to do laundry when we got married because my mom never wanted us kids to do the laundry because she was always afraid we were going to wreck something. So she never really taught us. She was just like, nope, I'm going to do the laundry. So when I moved out and got married, I didn't. I wasn't really sure.

Yeah, like.

But my husband was great at it because he had lived on his own longer than I had, so he was good at it. And I think also that you touched on something that a lot of times we go into marriage and we forget to talk about, like the non verbals of expectations. I grew up in a home where my mom did the inside stuff and my dad did the outside stuff.

Yeah, that was my house too.

He was in charge of the yard work, the garage. My mom did the cleaning inside. And I thought, that's how it is. That's the way it's supposed to be. Well, I get married, my husband doesn't want to do the yard work. Yeah, he doesn't want to.

I don't know many preachers who do. I don't know many preachers who do yard work. I just don't.

And boy, was it wonderful when we could afford to pay for it.

Right.

It was like, okay, absolutely. One conflict off the table.

No, it looks good.

Exactly. And we're at peace. I'm not saying get out there, but I think you, that's something, a conversation you need to have before getting married time. And how did you do it? How was it done in your household? And what do you expect exactly? That you automatically think this is the way it's supposed to be. Because it may not be that way for the woman or for the man, you know, that you're marrying. So something good to talk about.

When Ron and I met, all of his laundry was gray. It was gray because he washed his lights with black. Everything, everything went into the tube together. And then we told this on one podcast and he didn't have enough money to go by Tide or game. He just bought the thing that said laundry detergent. It was horrible.

Yeah, it was horrible.

But we had to figure it out. Generic, you know, we had to figure it out. But thank God that I was a good cook. Thank God we ate. And clearly it looks like I know how to cook. But, you know, I'm grateful for hellofresh because it makes my cooking so much easier. Listen, take a bite out of summer with hellofresh. From chef crafted seasonal recipes to their new fresh and fit summer menu. Maybe I need to check that out. Hellofresh brings flavor right to your door. Pre portioned ingredients help cut down on food waste while step by step instructions make cooking a breeze. It's not a chore. I love hellofresh. We use it usually once or twice a week. Ron and I, we, we've been using it for our pescatarian diet and it helps take all of the guesswork out of your shopping. Okay, so go to hellofresh.com ronandhope50 and use code RONANDHOPE50 for 50% off plus free shipping. Hellofresh.com ronAndHOPE50 use the code RONINHOPE50 for 50 off plus free shipping. And the food is delicious. Love it, love it, love it so much.

My son and his wife use hellofresh.

Oh, it's so easy. It is, it is. But back to being married to a leader.

Yes.

Come on, Danielle.

Strong man, strong leader.

You know, one of the worst, I think, arguments Ron and I ever got into was early on. Well, not early on, maybe Right when the church really started growing and we started having a lot of employees.

Yeah.

And he was used to giving out instruction.

Yes.

All day long, you know, and what Ron said, everybody did. And he started coming home and kind of continuing to hand out the instructions and to me, to the kids. And, you know, I remember I said to him, I said, I am not your employee.

I've had that. I am not made that same statement.

I'm your wife.

Right.

Can you take that hat off when you come home? And I think that's. We want that, but that is really difficult to do, honestly. In reality, that's difficult to do because you get in a role and you get on a roll.

Right.

With doing what you have to do to run your business, run your ministry, whatever it is that you're a leader of. And then you come home and you have to remember, I'm a husband, I'm a daddy.

Right, Right.

What about Steve with your kids? Did he ever have that?

Oh, my gosh, my kids. And now they're grown. Okay. They're all adults. My oldest is 41. My youngest is 34. 3. And at different times, even when they were like teenage college age and still at home, I remember them at different points saying, okay, dad, I just need you to take off the pastor hat and be my dad right now. Just be my friend right now. Like, don't try to pastor me. Don't preach to me. And he would immediately catch himself and go, okay. Yeah. And I remember one time we were having a staff meeting and we were having it in our home, and I don't remember what it was now, it was so long ago, but the way Steve talked to me in that staff meeting as if I were one of them, I wasn't the wife. And it landed on me. I'm sure this wasn't his intent, like, so demeaning and disrespectful to me. Like, he wouldn't have talked to his staff this way. But the way he turned and said something to me and we probably were disagreeing on something. I couldn't even stay. I got up, I went upstairs into my bedroom. Nobody knew what was wrong. I just removed myself. And then one of them said, you know, I've been waiting around. I thought you were coming down. And I was like, nope, I'm not coming down. Never coming down ever. Never coming back.

To establish, I'm actually quitting. I'm going to work at Macy's. Really? How many times have you thought, you know, threaten. I'm going to work at the mall.

Yes.

I'm going to get another job.

Yeah. I think it's hard for husbands and wives to work together and you.

Very difficult.

It takes a lot of grace.

It does.

It takes a lot of.

And respect.

And respect for one another.

Absolutely. And remembering, you know, at the end of the day, the rest of these people can walk.

Right. But we can't. But we got to go home together.

Yeah.

Really? Sleep together.

Yeah. They. They can walk and. And they can go get a better job somewhere else.

Yeah.

But I'm here because I love you.

Right. Right.

Really. And it takes a lot of grace, and it takes a lot of honor and a lot of respect. And, you know, when you lose honor for somebody. Oh, man. Yeah.

Yeah. Start building resentment toward them and become very passive aggressive because that's what will happen if you don't process it out and talk it through. You'll hold it in, push it down, push it down, push it down until it starts coming out in little passive aggressive ways.

Sarcastic.

He's waiting in the car for you. Come on, we gotta go. I don't wanna late and you just decide, oh, I need to unload the dishwasher. I'll be right there. Yeah, I'm gonna unload the dishwasher. Yeah, like that's passive. I know, he's.

Let him see how it feels.

Yeah, yeah. And just little things like that and saying things, letting things slip out of your mouth that are not edifying or uplifting.

Right.

That can be harmful in relationships.

Yeah. It takes a very mature person.

I agree.

To live with a leader and to work with the leader.

I agree, I agree. And I think as, that you have to honor them and they have to be honorable, you know, and we need to respect them. Although the Bible doesn't say respect your husband, it doesn't because he deserves it, because he's respectable. It does not say that we have to respect him, they have to love us.

Right.

But I think also we have to remember that the Bible also says that we submit to one another. Right. And I think a lot of people get that word submit wrong. I think I just did a, a real or a podcast on how women hate the word submit because they don't understand it. They don't really understand why God, why that is in the Bible. And I think we have to remember that for men, that, yes, men are bigger, stronger, faster, women are smaller, weaker. It doesn't mean we're weak minded. It doesn't mean we're down just in the physical, hormonally, biologically we are weaker. And so. And again, that has a lot to do with a man's, a lot of his testosterone. But if a man can look at his wife and children as something that is highly valued, how do you handle something highly that you highly value, that maybe delicate, a piece of jewelry, you know, a car.

Yeah, right.

How do you take care of your car? You know, and if a man can look at his women and children like that, like these are delicate, highly valued treasures. So I need to be careful, be gentle, lead lovingly with them.

Tender.

Yes. And I feel like for me, I have never really had a problem submitting to my husband because the way he loves me.

Yeah, I agree.

Because I feel cherished, I feel safe with him, I trust him. And I think for men, this is what I always tell men, if your wife won't submit, you need to ask yourself, why? Why? How are you leading her? How are you taking care of her? Or is there a lack there? Because any woman who feels cherished and loved and respected by a man has no problem submitting to him.

No, absolutely.

She feels safe with them. She'll submit.

Yeah.

Even she doesn't agree. I mean, Steve and I, there's a lot of things I don't agree with. But I'm like, you know what? I will defer to you because you're the man. You're the leader, and I'm gonna defer to you.

Okay? Women. So many women hate that, Danielle.

But I haven't missed out on anything.

No.

And do you know what? Even women in the world, secular women, say, if you want your relationship to work, somebody has to submit to somebody.

Yeah.

Like, there can't be somebody.

There's always got to be a buck stopper.

That's a what?

Buck stopper. You know, you gotta stop right here.

A butt stopper.

That's a new one. There does. There has to be, you know, somebody who says, okay, here's the final answer, right?

If you both can't come to an agreement, someone's gonna have to defer, because someone has to have the final answer. And that is for the man being the head of the home, that's his responsibility. And I think men take that very seriously. Healthy men take that very seriously. Because I know there's some dangerous, unhealthy men out there. We're talking generally healthy, normal men who have men in their lives that they respect. Maybe a pastor in their life or a father in their life that they could go to and they can maybe set them straight. You know, I think I always tell women this too. When you get married, make sure that man has other men in his life that he really honors, because those men will become your advocate, the wife's advocate. And I thought the greatest. I want to say trump card. I don't know, tool trump card that I had with Steve. Early on, he had men that he so respected. And when we came to a standstill, I would say, let's take it to whoever. Pastor Dick Burnett was, one of them. I'd say, let's ask Pastor Dick. I go, if I am wrong, I will fully back down. I go, but if you're wrong, you gotta fully back down. Let's take it to somebody you respect. You pick the person and see what they say. And he would. Whenever I do that, he'd go, okay, yeah, never mind. Okay, what is it that you want? And that would always get him, because I always knew, I'm right here. Not every time, but when those situations came about, I would say, let's talk to some other men that you love and respect and get their take on it.

Let's see what they say.

Let's just get their take on it.

Yeah.

And for men who are strong, they need stronger men.

And they're like. And I think that's why so many don't have it.

You're probably right. They don't want to be told.

No, they don't. Strong men do not usually want to be told what to do. But thankfully we are married to God fearing men. And I can hear the women listening right now saying, well, well, lucky you. Yeah, yeah, lucky you. What about me? And I have a man who abuses me. And I have a man, I'm married to a narcissist and he abuses power. I mean, you know, what do you say about that?

Okay, so let's go back to what we did last week. If he ever asks you to do something that is contrary to the word of God, that directly opposes the word of God, or it is illegal, immoral or unethical, no submission required.

Right.

There isn't.

I agree.

Like, you don't have to be a whipping post verbally or go against God's word or yes, verbally, emotionally, at all. And you are not required to do something that in the eyes of God is a sin. So that's where you get to stand up and say, no, I won't do that. And I know this could get really deep, but people have asked me this, like, he cheats on me, he's mean to me, he's abusive. Do I stay or do I go?

Yeah, we get that all the time.

And I would never.

It's all individual.

Right. And I can never tell anybody what to do because we can't make that decision. But I would never advocate a woman staying in a marriage where she's being abused ever, ever, ever. Christianity, God has never. It is not written in his word. And God's intention has never been for women to be dismissed or disparaged or berated or belittled or bullied by a man in any way. God loves women.

He loves people.

Right?

All people.

Yeah. And men don't have to put it with that either.

No, they do not. Right.

These days we hear that a lot too, that the women are abusive.

Right. It's crazy. Yeah, we get that a lot. Pastor, what should we do? You know, I'm married to this man and he abuses me and he's cheated on me and, you know, repeatedly, over and over and over. You know, you gotta get a word on that from God. You really do. And the Bible says you're led by Your peace.

That's right. Good.

And the Holy Spirit will lead you, whether you're to stay and believe God for your marriage, or he'll lead you to leave and call three men in a truck and pack up and move to the next state. And, you know, you just have to be so spirit led.

I totally agree. And I think sometimes in the church, and sometimes the church gets a bad name for this because the secular world will say, oh, well, the church preaches that a woman has to stay and the man's ahead and he can do whatever he wants. And that's not what the Bible says. They interpret scripture. But I knew one woman who stayed in a marriage because she was trying to be the good little Christian wife. And she stayed in the marriage for years and years and years to the point where she was so sick physically, she had diseases that were incurable. Incurable. When she finally got her voice and stood up for herself, this is a Christian couple. And stood up for herself and drew some lines in the sand, drew some boundaries, got some therapy and said, no more. This is not gonna work for me. The husband had a fit. Had a fit. They ended up divorced. But you know what? She got completely healed. Completely healed. But she was trying to do what she thought the expectation was for a Christian marriage. And if it's come to the place of your physical well being, God cares more about you than he does the marriage. And God loves marriage. He hates divorce. But he doesn't want you to be sick.

No, he doesn't.

And hurt and abused in America.

No, he does not. I agree 100%. I believe that you believe for your marriage, you believe, you go to counseling, you do what you need to do, everything you can do. But God does not want us to be in sin. He does not want us to be sick. It's his will that we prosper and be in health to the degree that our soul prospers. So go to counseling, get some help. There's lots of places you hear me talk about Living Waters Ministry all the time, where I went to live in North Carolina for nine months so that I could get myself whole and healed so that I would not abuse my husband anymore. Emotionally. And the way that we were living, it was just. It was pitiful. But mine was from pain, you know, hurt people, hurt people.

That's right. That's so true.

Hurt people hurt people.

Angry people make people angry.

Yeah, they do, right? Yeah.

Happy people make people happy.

That's true. And, you know, you got to. You got to understand that you did marry an Imperfect person.

Yes.

You married. You married and are living with this leader who is a human. And they're going to hurt us. They're going to mess, they're going to make mistakes, they're going to not get it right. But. And it's not easy. I think marriage is probably the hardest thing that you will ever sign up for.

Yeah, I agree. It takes work. And it takes work. Working on yourself for your own personal. So you can be the best version of you. You can't say, well, you need to go to therapy or you need to do some work. We individually need to work on ourselves. And do. Because I love you and I love me. I don't just love you, I love me too. So I gotta get some help. And you know, Steve and I, we always tell people, stay until the pain of staying is worse than the pain of leaving. Because both are gonna be painful.

It's true.

Both are painful. Choose your hard. Both are gonna be hard. So you get to choose. But if again, I've never seen a good divorce. Right? I know. And how many people we know so many different people. Even my mom and dad, who were divorced when I was 10, even them, they said, if we had to do it over again, we wish we had work harder. The towel, we. I've heard so many people say, if I had to do it over again, I would have worked it out. I would have made it work. So think twice. Think twice.

14, 18, 20 times.

You had to think about it many.

Times really, really hard. And it's a work in progress. It's not one and done. It's not like, oh, okay, I'm going to counseling and we're going to fix this issue. We're going to be fine. No, you're going to grow, you're going to evolve, you're going to change. Menopause is going to happen. Your kids are going to leave the house. Everything changes. And you've got to readjust yourself and grow again and work again. And they're the most important people in our lives.

And I mean, we. In 43 years of marriage, anybody who's been married over 10 or 20 years has kind of dealt with everything. And there have been times, like, we'll talk now because it seems like it's so much easier now.

It is.

Maybe because our kids are all gone and we're by ourselves and we can.

Actually afford to go out to eat now.

Yes. Yes. Not some of the stresses and pressures of when your kids are young, you're raising a family, but. Cause we always say, God, we never fight anymore about anything. But there were times that we both agree on, my husband and I, that we could have thrown the towel in right there. We almost did. But we just. We waited and waited and waited it out.

Believe God.

Yes. And we. I remember at one point going to counselors and somebody saying, Give it 12 months. Give it one year. If something doesn't change, don't make any decision. Give it 12 months. And we look back and we're like, had we not given it that time? Because that one person said, just, can you hang in there for another 12? Because you change, you do change. Your mindset changes, you do change.

Right.

And so. And I've seen that on different occasions where like, wow, we hung in there. And we're so thankful. We're so grateful to each other and to our God that he gave us the grace to hang in there. And I hear lots of couples who have been in marriages long term say those same things. Absolutely. We almost threw the towel in there. We almost did it there. But no, we hung in there.

And look at us now.

All the memories on the other side.

All the memories, all the love and.

The grandkids and the marriages, the lineage.

That you build, the longevity and what we're teaching our children. That is so key to me. You know, marriage is not just about your right.

That's so true.

It's really not affects everybody. It affects everybody in your circle and especially your children, your grandchildren. You are teaching them how to fight and how to believe and how to love and give unconditional love. You're teaching them how to give grace and how to give honor and how to back down and how to.

And how to say yourself at times.

Yeah. And how to say, I'm sorry and I was really wrong.

I mean, forgiveness. You're teaching them forgiveness. This is how forgiveness works. We're going to hurt each other. There's going to be times and we've got to.

You don't just leave humility every time you hurt each other.

Extend forgiveness.

Right. You'd be married 558 times. Exactly.

And you don't leave because you feel like the passion's gone. Because guess what? It's going to leave with the next one, too.

Yeah, absolutely.

Because passion fades after a while. You're just chasing passion, the feeling. Guess what? You're going to be married 100 times and still looking for it, because it does.

It's a chemical reaction that happens in our brain when we meet somebody new.

That's right. That's right.

But then when bills Set in.

And mice.

Yes. And saggy butts.

And wrinkles.

Wrinkles and blubbery bellies. And you don't look all snatched in your bikini like you did at 18 and 21. You know, we do, we change. And so, you know, living with these people, these leaders, these type A people, these strong willed women and men who are used to giving out orders and you know, it takes a lot of grace and it really will test the Jesus in you. Yes.

That's so good.

It will test the Jesus. And you know what it really says is how much of God's love that you have in your heart. You know, when you say, well, I'm not in love with you anymore, you know, it doesn't say anything about the other person. It says everything about you.

That's right. It says you don't understand what love is.

Right.

Love is not a feeling. Right. It's a decision.

Absolutely.

It's a behavior. If we're living on the feeling and the feeling's gone, then yeah, the relationship's over. But if we're living on, it's a commitment, a behavior. The relationship never has to be over.

Never.

Right?

Never. And you know God will give feelings back.

Yes, yes. And that's where the work comes in. That's where you have to do things that ignite sewing into each other and it ignites that chemistry that was once there. Absolutely. And I've actually learned that our bodies, and I'm not sure where neurologically it fits, but we remember the chemistry we had when we first met. And so we can conjure that up again like you can, you know, going on romantic dates.

Absolutely.

Doing a new sport together, doing something you've never done together before and seeing each other in a different light, learning something new together, traveling or whatever it is.

Yeah.

So you just, you gotta put the time in.

I remember when we were dating, Ron liked my hair a certain way. And it was the banana clip. You remember the banana clip. But he wanted it on the side. So I would take the banana clip and it would come down like all the 80s, 80s hair. And I would do that all the time because I knew he liked it. Danil. And I was giving him something that he liked and I did it on purpose to make him feel good. And that's the same thing we have to keep doing to make that love be ignited and to make them feel good. If I know Ron likes me to wear a certain pair of jeans or if he likes a certain color on me, I need to do that. And I'm doing It. Because I love him. And that ignites those feelings in there, you know, all the things you worked so hard to do when you were dating, if you would keep doing that 10, 15, 20 years into the marriage, you'd never lose the butterflies.

That's right.

That's right.

And you know what this is for the ladies? Appreciation. Cause a lot of times women, I think, have a hard time showing appreciation to men. And if you understood what it did for them, you would do it much more often. Because appreciation actually fuels a man to want to do for you to want to do more when you appreciate just the little things.

Yeah. Thank you for bringing my coffee. Right.

Just those little things that. Like my husband, he. I've never asked him to do this, but he puts gas in my car. If he knows I have a long drive in the morning, it could be 9 o' clock at night. He'll go, I'll go fill your car up. I would never ask him to go out at 9 o' clock at night. I can put my own gas in. But he likes to do that. He keeps my car clean. He gets the oil change. I am perfectly capable, but I don't want to do that. I don't want to do it. I'm glad he does it, but I always let him know I so appreciate that.

He.

If I'm leaving in the morning, he sees my windshield is dirty, he will go out in the garage and clean my windshield. It's so sweet. I've never asked him to do that. And I asked him one time, I go, why do you do that? Why do you take it upon yourself? He goes, I just feel like it's really vulnerable for a woman to be putting gas in her car. He goes, the hoses in your car, if someone comes up, you can't get away fast. You're outside your car, there's a hose in it, you can't drive. He goes, I don't know. It's his protective instinct to do that. And I just think that that is.

But if you took it for granted, right?

Or. And as a joke, sometimes I'll call him because he travels a lot. I'll go, hey, just want you to know I'm at the gas station. You're slipping, buddy. I'm having to fill my own tank. And he will crack up, you know, and we just do it that as a joke because again, I'm perfectly capable. But I like that he takes care of me in that way. And I. You try to express purpose, appreciation for all those little things and actually elevates a man's testosterone. So you want that feeling, that passion stuff to stay there. It elevates his testosterone, which men need more than women. And he feels good about himself. He feels so good about himself. Oh, man. And for the guys, if there's guys listening, appreciation for a woman, you know what it does for her? It makes her feel safe.

Wow.

And a woman who feels safe, you're going to get way more out of her.

Oh, yes, you are.

When she feels safe, it's one of.

Our huge needs, is safety.

Yes. She will feel connected to you. You'll get a lot more out of her in the bedroom. When she feels she can trust you and you're safe.

That's so good. Oh, Danielle, we've covered a lot of territory today.

Women. We could do this.

We could do this all day long, right? I'm so glad that you've been here today. Go follow my friend Danielle Hage. She's got so many valuable reels podcast and she's also a pretty good friend. I like her a lot. So I'm so glad that you came today.

Thank you so much for having me. This really was an honor and a privilege.

Oh, it's been a blessing. Well, we love you, Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real raw and relevant.