Ron + Hope: Unfiltered - How to Maintain Passion in Marriage

Foreign.

Hey there, it's Ron and Hope again. And this is our unfiltered podcast, Real, Raw, Relevant. We try to make our topic something that you need, right? Something that you need that you can do life with, you can raise your kids with, you can do your finances with, questions that you are asking, help that you need. And, Ron, today we get a lot of questions. People write in, people DM us. And one of the biggest questions and one of the biggest prayer requests, people say, I'm praying and believing for a marriage like yours. I'm praying and believing that my husband loves me like you. Pastor Ron loves you. It's impossible, isn't it? You're just different. Yeah. I mean, you're just special, baby. I know. But anyway. But anyway, this question is, how do we maintain our passion? How do we still stay in love?

I mean, I'm listening. I'm looking at something in a way.

That you and Pastor Ron.

You said that. I pulled something up that I remember. I typed in my phone, some notes I did a while back.

The question was, you and Pastor Ron seem to be just madly in love.

Let's talk about that.

And you've been married how many years? You better get it right, boy.

22 years.

Good Lord.

June 23rd.

That is not 22 years.

32 years. 32 years. I'm sorry. June 30th. June 30th. June 23rd, 1990.

June 30th. 22 years. Are you drinking today?

No. No.

Hey, don't do that. Y'.

All, as long as this week's been, it would have been a good one to start if I was going to, but no.

How do you maintain your love?

June 23, 1990. And we dated three. Over three years before that, so we've been together a long time. You know, I've only had 18 years of my 53 year life where you weren't in it.

Yeah. I helped raise you.

You did?

Helped to raise you.

And I will start off by saying if you would allow me, because you make fun of me when I say this. Maybe in some ways. I never thought we were normal, though.

You always say that.

I never thought we were normal. I thought, why? I don't know. Fantasy. Or maybe in my mind, unrealistic expectations. I don't know. But I, you know, I did not think when I met you I was anywhere close to making a decision like that. You, honestly, you moved pretty fast. And I remember the day you told me you loved me. I remember it was somewhat of a surprise because I think we said in our very first podcast, that I was scared of you, quite honestly, because I wasn't a player, but I wasn't looking to get married. And I knew if I started dating you, that would be it. So here again, God goes back to that special. Well, it goes back to that special thing. How did I know that? I don't know. I sure wasn't super spiritual. Because when I met you, I only been saved for a few months, three or four months.

I remember when I told you, I said, I think I'm falling in love with you. And this was your response.

I didn't know what to say.

You just looked at me.

But you said that about three hours after we met.

That is a lie. It was not three hours. We were dating like four weeks into it, and I was just falling in love with you.

I wasn't expecting it. We were sitting in the car. Yeah, and you told me that. And I. You know why? Because I don't play with that. I don't go around telling everybody I love them.

No, you don't.

I don't go around telling nobody that.

And if you do, you really, really do.

That's for sure. I love hard and maybe love too much sometimes. I don't know. But. Well, I'm going to get to the original topic, but I do want to say, you know, if it didn't start right, some of this stuff has to be cultivated or developed maybe from scratch. You may have been married 10 years and say, I've never experienced that. And it doesn't mean you can't.

Right.

But it means it's going to have to be cultivated before you got to change.

You got to be willing to grow. You got to be willing to give up your right to be right. You got to be willing to learn how to change your tone. There is so many things, really is.

Let'S put a broad word of it, intentional.

Yes, you do.

Having a marriage where you're still in love. And I am. Don't flirt. Don't get flirted with. Ain't looking, ain't never been looking, Totally committed, sold out, and would rather be with her than anybody on the planet. I text her this morning after I'd been gone 10 minutes. I went to work out. She was doing a podcast and I text her, said, I can't wait to see you. I just put down my coffee and walked out the door. And that's what I'm talking about. Being intentional. That cultivates what I call the weave of intimacy.

Right?

It's. Intimacy is love.

You had to make a choice to, to send that text. Yeah, your finger just didn't get on.

The start doing it and it didn't knock you out of your seat. But I'm telling you, it let me.

Know that you love me and you're thinking about it.

You're exactly right. And you walk around all day long and that man loves me. That man loves me. You had a bad day yesterday. Real raw and rubbing.

We're going to talk about that.

Let's go there. Let's go there. That's what they want to hear. They don't want to hear about everything we do. Right. You had a bad day yesterday.

I had a terrible day and that.

Is rare for me from all day, all the way around. But it was, that is so it was a bad family day. It was a bad day, you know, structurally within the ministry. It was a bad day with decisions we had to make and it was just one after working with people and we just moved. That don't ever help anything when you're moving. And the moving company, four times they didn't show up. I think the fourth time and was.

Trying to lie to me on the floor.

We got people in the house sleeping on the floor. There's no beds, you know, and they were supposed to be there. Hope stayed at the house and waited.

It was just a work day.

Waited a while.

They did all day and for the.

Fourth time, they did. Fourth time. So when I called her at certain, I think about 3 o' clock when she got on that phone, I went, whoo. Whoo.

Cause when I answered, I said, what?

Yeah, like whoo.

Okay, like what you want now?

All right, now this isn't how great a wife Hope is, how great a husband Ron is at times. Because I'm going to talk about some real screw ups that I made here in a minute. But what did I go do last night? I knew you had had a bad day and I was exhausted. I got home what, 9, 15, hadn't had no suffering.

I had cooked dinner.

Even my bad day, she cooked dinner, which I was surprised most of the time. That's a door dash day when she's had a daylight. Yesterday she cooked dinner. It was an amazing dinner. I went and fixed it myself. You was on the couch. I'm like, don't get up. I got it. I put my stuff down, went in there, put my food, put it in my couch.

You got a pillow and put it in your lap.

And that was after it was over with.

I said, come here, come lay in my lap.

And I said, take your thing out. Take your ponytail out. And I said, come lay your head right here. And you was kind of looking at me like, okay, what's he wanting?

I'm like, boy, don't you ask me for nothing Tonight if you touch me.

I'll gut you like that.

I will kill you.

So I could tell you she was looking at the corner. I died trying to figure out where's this going, because if it's going in there, I don't want to start it, you know. But I looked, I said, just come here, babe. Just come here. And I put a pillow on my leg and she laid her head down. I said, take the thing out of your ponytail. And I just sit there, put on a series. She's watching that. I've already finished.

Do we want to go there? Finish it without me.

She was gone for three weeks. So I was bored.

Taking care of my daddy.

I was bored. So anyway, sit there and I watch reruns. And I'd sit there and didn't say anything, didn't do anything. And you like to have your scalp scratched. Who don't? But you like to have your scalp scratched. And then you looked at me and I said, you need to go to bed, don't you? I went in there, gave you my pajamas, tucked you in and went down, kissed you on the corner of your eye. Not that Ron, Ron didn't know to do that when he was 23. That would have probably been a precursor to some type of sexual encounter. Let's just be honest. Yeah, that would have been my warm up. I'd have been nice, I'd have been gentle. But that would have been going down another road.

Well, every day was your precursor and.

Still can be because I'm still very motivated by you.

In your early 50s.

Yep. With your pink lipstick in your bright eyes. Don't start, baby. I need to talk about this stuff here. What was I talking about?

I don't have the answer to anything.

What was I been talking about? No, that's what I was saying. That's what I was saying last night. What the difference between the 53 and the 23.

You really were intentional.

That was done just for you. Yeah, that was for you. There was no this is going to come back around. And bless me in that. That was. I care about her. It's been a long, tough day. I knew what you had been through that day. My heart went out to you. You still cooked for me. And so the rest of the hour and a half and two hours I had before you went to bed. I was going to make it as gentle as possible to me. You popped up this morning a different person. I don't know if last night helped. I don't know. I'm a quick recoverer, but I wanted. I wanted to come home. And those are the types of things that over time. Guys, you can't go do that one time. No, those are the kind of things with opening the door, never going in front of her, making sure she never walks in the rain, making sure there's three blankets on her side when all you want is a sheet on your side, making sure the bed's made up if she had to leave before you. It's. It is a lifetime of intentionality that creates what I call a web of intimacy. It's a. It's a fabric that you weave over time. Intimacy is not an act in a bedroom. In fact, that can be. That can be right down resentful. If that's all it becomes to you. I was going there. Intimacy is information. What Bishop Jakes used to say into me, see, is what Bishop Jakes into me, see.

Knowledge and understanding each other. It creates the intimacy.

God put Adam and Eve in the garden, and they were naked and not ashamed. What does that mean? It doesn't mean they were sitting there looking at each other's pride, saying, I.

Got a great body and I'm not ashamed.

What it means is that there was nothing in their life that they didn't know about each other.

Nothing was hidden.

There's no secrets. There's nothing hidden. And that comes with intimacy is woven. And passion in a marriage, I think, is woven by talking and communication. So let me. Let me start there. Let me ask you some questions.

Uh oh, here we go.

Who's the best talker?

Doo doo?

You, because you are unbelievably verbal.

Yeah, but you can talk the ears off a billy goat.

But I thought I was an introvert.

Yeah, but you got a lot to say.

You better be intimate when she criticizes you publicly. Next. Who's better at saying they're sorry?

You.

Because you. Because you are the oracle. You are the oracle.

I do it gritting my teeth, but I will do it. Ron will do it just to.

She's not strong at that.

End the argument. And I don't want to do it just to end the argument. I want to do it because I'm really sorry. And if I'm not sorry, I don't.

Want to say it, which takes a long time. Takes a long time for you to feel really sorry.

That is not true, Ron.

Oh, man. I'll be looking like Abraham waiting on you to feel it.

That is not true.

All right.

Who likes to stay at night?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

To the crack of dawn.

I can do that easily. I can not even go to bed. Let me ask you this. What? I ain't talking about a date. I'm talking about Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

Okay?

The perfect evening. You come home most. I may learn something right here. Perfect evening.

I don't have to cook. The house is clean, and we are alone. Not a lot of people in my house, and I go to bed early.

What this has all got to do with intimacy. What things do I do? And here again, you may tell me something I don't know here. I don't know that I've ever just straight up asked you this. What things do I do and when I do it, you hear he loves me.

You let me go to bed early. You send me to the spa.

You like your house straight.

Gosh, I am. That is, I like your house straight. From issues with ocd. I do. I am a fiend about my house being so.

When I know. When I know people are coming over, I'm intentional to stop what I'm doing. You're great because you straightener. The presentation of your home is very, very important to you. And I've learned that, yeah, I used to didn't care if my jacket was laying over the back of the chair and my shoes were left in the kitchen. I didn't care. I wasn't messy. I've never really been messy. But I had to learn you. I had to learn if somebody's coming to your house, if it was an apartment, if it was. When we lived in the ghetto, it didn't matter when somebody came over to your house. There was a way you wanted it, and you got pleasure and satisfaction from that. And so I've learned it. And so when I know that's going to happen, you don't have to ask me.

But I thrive better in order. You know, I have to have order. My desk has to be straight, my shoes have to be straight. That kind of stuff. I thrive in order. And you've learned that.

I've learned. I've learned.

Your desk, on the other hand, looks like Office Depot threw up on it.

Well, I'm in transition.

Are you?

I'm in transition. Okay, you mean I'm transition. Look, my desk don't ever look like yours. No, but right now is not a fair assessment because I am in transition, and I still have boxes.

But you know what it is? You know what all that stuff is?

I know, but I don't have it here and it drives me nuts. But I'm trying to show them how good a job I've done and you're ruining that. And so anyway, this is about you.

Being a good husband.

This is. We're talking.

I'm sorry, that's what we were going to name this.

You said, how do we maintain passion?

How excellent is your name?

Orion.

Okay, go ahead.

The thing you started, you said, how do we maintain passion? I think one of the ways passion is maintained has nothing to do with a bedroom. The way passion is maintained is I've learned you. I learn what's important to you.

And you're willing to shift and change.

And I'm willing to shift and change. And over time, you don't have to ask. You don't have to ask because I know what you want. I know what brings you pleasure. I know what makes you feel good.

In the same way with me. I had one of the worst days I've had in a long time yesterday. But I knew your day was gonna be long.

My day was really long.

You were gonna be home till 8:30 last night. And I know when you come home you love to have a hot meal.

Cause you cook better than anybody. I'm just gonna be honest with you. You're a great cook.

So in my distress yesterday, and I didn't expect that, I said, you know what? I'm just gonna detour in my mind right now. I'm gonna cook, get my mind off stuff. So I cooked for you, by the way.

That's been one of our sponsors. Would you cook some of the hellofresh?

And it was yummy.

Amazing.

So good.

It was amazing.

I on purpose did that.

Exactly. You on purpose did that for me.

Because that's important to me out of your comfort zone.

Because I tell you I'd rather eat your food than anybody's. Because you're a great cook. But I understand you've been cooking your whole life. You cooked when you were growing up. That was your responsibility because both your mom and daddy work. You cook for all of us and three kids forever, sometimes three meals a day. And now that we're quasi empty nest, I don't want you standing over the stove. We just go off.

Because remember I'm OCD and I like a clean house. And every time you cook it dirties up my kitchen.

You got little grease flying everywhere and this and that and other.

I want to tell you about something that me and Ron can agree on and that is food. I'm going to tell you what we love to eat. But the thing about going out to eat, you know, sometimes it costs so much money and sometimes can be inconvenient. It just takes so much time. But then cooking at home sometimes can also be so expensive. Especially right now with all the prices, you know, that are in the grocery store. Inflation, everything's gone up. But I gotta tell you what we love and that is HelloFresh. HelloFresh delivers pre proportioned ingredients right to your door. It's fresh, you get it within a week. So it's so convenient. And it has this menu with it that just gives you step by step. So you can't say you can't cook. If you can read, you can cook. But the thing about hellofresh is that it's so yummy. It is so delicious. We can sit and choose. You can cut customize what they send you. So me and Ron talk about it. We say, okay, do you want chicken? Do you want salmon? Do you want shrimp? You customize it to whatever you want. They have some of the best pecan chicken I have ever tasted. They have shrimp with fettuccine. Oh my goodness, it's just so good. So we love hellofresh. And if you want something that's easy, something that's quick, something that's a perfect affordable but also delicious, go to hellofresh.com ronandhope16 and use the code ronandhope16 for up to 16 free meals and get 3 free gifts. Who doesn't love free gifts? So go to hellofresh.com roninhope16 use the code roninhope16 for up to 16 free meals and get three free gifts. Listen, it's amazing. It's America's number one meal kit. Go get yours today.

The Bible talks about mutual submission. I think this is the key to passion being maintained. I am crazy, crazy about hope. I'm crazy about her. It's not a play, it's not a game, it's not a gig. Ask my kids. I make them nauseous. That just like God. Dad, just please wait till we leave. You know, it's home. I've got her hand in the car. Well, do we ever walk where we're not holding hands ever?

Not much.

I mean, you know, here again, weaving a web. I think another thing in creating intimacy is you never had your life. And I had my life. We had our life and it's. Wait a minute. Well, let me talk to Ron. And it's common for me. You know what? Before I make this decision, I need to bring hope in there.

Speaking about that, I heard a couple of weeks ago and one of them said to the other one, you need to get a life. You know, I'm over here doing my thing and I'm over here, you know, I got my side hustle going on and blah, blah, blah.

I don't know that I believe that.

And you need to go get a life. You need to find yourself, go do something. And I thought it crushed me to hear that because I thought to myself, why are you over here trying to build this life separate life separate of him? Yeah. We've got gifts and talents and, you know, somebody could be a photographer. They have a side photography business. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about that whole attitude of this is my thing. This is your thing.

Now I'm going to tell you something. We've never, in our worst days, we never did that.

No.

In our worst days.

To me, it's hugely detrimental to say that, to think that if you want.

Your own life, don't get married.

Right.

Because the whole nature of marriage is two becoming one and two are greater than one. And how can any two walk lest they agree?

It's not something outside of each other, it's whatever.

I want to do this with you.

Yes. And if this is my side job, I'm going to clap for you while you're doing it. And if you don't have a side job or you don't have this going on in your life, I love you just the way you are. You don't need to go have a side hustle just because I do, you know, it's celebrating each other.

Let me go back to the single. That's something, you know, that I don't know I've ever talked about or preached. But the fact is, if you got all these things that are only unto you, I don't know that you need to get married.

Right.

Because I'm just going to tell you, I haven't seen many where that ends well, when it goes like that. That don't usually go anywhere well. And we had to learn, though, how to function.

Yeah. I think it's not going well. And I wrote a book about it. My life spiraled down because of it. You don't have a side friendship or a side life that takes you outside of your spouse, ever, Ever. That is going against God's plan for marriage.

And here again, it ain't never going anywhere good. No, it's not ever going any good.

You're being. If you believe that, you're believing a lie from the enemy. The enemy is lying to you. And you have come into agreement with.

The enemy because you're looking at now your union is something that you need to escape from. And you need places and people with who you can escape. And like I said, that thing's going to degenerate and very fast and spiral down. And you need to reign that in because those are feelings that you have. And feelings can be changed. And feelings can be managed. Feelings can be purged.

Yeah.

Can be purged from your life. Feelings do not have to drive you because they can come from trauma. They can come from loneliness. I remember when my dad died, my mama went to a place they never did. They never were without one another.

Never since they were like 15 years old.

Yeah, 14. 15 years old. And my mom went into this extreme loneliness. I mean, which I imagine I would feel the same thing. But I remember telling my mom, don't let that loneliness drive your decisions. Here I'm the son telling the parent, I'm sitting there saying, don't let that make a decision for you because it don't end well. Because feelings are liars. But back into the intimacy thing. Can I share a Bible story? There's this story of David when he come back into Jerusalem as the new reigning king, where the Bible says he disrobed, he took off all of his royal garments and basically in what that time would have been underwear, he danced in the main streets of Jerusalem in front of the entire nation. And the Bible said he danced with all of his might. And the Bible says that Michael, his wife looked at him from a balcony and hated him in her heart. That's odd. Hated him in her heart. This is his greatest day. This man has been to hell in back feet. This man's had Saul chunking spears at him. This man's been forsaken and an outcast by his own dad and family. This man's been in the cave of Adullam. This man has been. I mean, there's nothing good about his journey. And he's coming into his day. And she hates him. The Bible says hates. And I've preached about that. And you know, don't let nobody hate your praise. That's not what that's saying. If you go back and study. Thank you. If you go back and study. David. Michael was awarded David for killing Goliath. It was Saul's daughter. And whoever killed Goliath got his daughter's Hand and never had to pay taxes again. That's a pretty good day. So they were young. Not childhood, but they were teenage sweethearts. When David was being pursued by her dad, she had to let him go and he had to disappear. He went off for what most theologians think is about 10 years, and it was that time he made his journey to the kingdom. And then Saul finally was killed by the sword, and David is inaugurated as king. Why is she angry? Because your spouse cannot celebrate your destiny if you never let them be a part of the trip. She had nothing to do with his ascension.

He went off and left her so.

She could not celebrate his arrival. And what you and I, I think if there is some things we learned early, we have included each other in almost every part of the trip.

Yeah.

And everybody that read your book. Well, I read there were times where you had to stop and you had to deal with the things over your life that had happened. Yes. There was a time. I tell people there was a time you got lost. There was a time, and you know what? You found God, and God let you find your way back. But for the most part of our marriage, that's a span of time. The most part of our marriage, I look at it, and there was never really parts where you kept me out. They were not parts where I kept you out. We've always kept each other very involved in the journey, and that doesn't mean.

You have to do everything together. That's not what you're saying.

This morning you're doing the Pray and Slay. That's your podcast. I mean, Riff, I'm sorry. I'm doing an ask me anything riff. I knew you had your rif this morning. I text you, how did it go? That's what I mean by being a part of your life.

Right?

Not that I got to go do. Not that I got to do riff with you. And you said. And you sent me a number that was. This is how many you had live. And I was like, wow, that's strong. You know? Now, did you feel good when I sent you that? I don't know. Yeah. Why you had a success. I'm happy about it. Well, communicate it. Don't just be. Well, I'm happy for them. Tell them that you're happy for them. David and Michael never got to be a part of the steps, so now nobody can understand why she ain't clapping when he arrives. She hates him in her heart. Why? Because I've not been included in this. That was your life, and you kept me over here. But now you want me to clap for you? It ain't happening. And now you got people in their 40s and 50s, and they won't know why their spouse won't clap for them. It's because there were parts of their life that they were never allowed into. So when you finally have a success, when you finally get chosen, when you finally get that dream job and you don't feel like it's been celebrated, did you let them be a part of the trip? Hope people just see us in our now and don't know our Then we go to that.

This is not easy. Okay? We're talking about it like it's easy.

Oh, no.

But it takes so much work.

Intentionality.

It takes so much work. Say it out loud. And intentionality.

You on a keyboard leading worship, and me on the drums.

Yeah.

Me coming out from the drums, grabbing a mic and doing an altar call while you stayed on the keyboard. It's over. I got a vacuum cleaner. Vacuum in the building. And you're going and gathering the toys to take them home, put them in a bathtub from the nursery.

Well, we both were called to ministry. There are people who work two separate lives. What about when you get home and you're working? You're a school teacher, he's an engineer.

You get home, she's a school teacher, he's an engineer.

So you get home, what do you do?

Talk? I don't know anything about school teaching. What was your day? Tell me about your world. What awards can be done? What accomplishments? How do you go to the next level? What is it that I can help you do to succeed?

Yeah, you want me to load the car in the morning for you and get all your books? Did you have supplies in the car?

Did you have a bad day? You've got a problem child and you don't know what to do?

Come here, let's pray about it together.

Exactly right. It's an overall investment and what the other person cares about.

So let me. Let me ask this. You got two people working two separate jobs, two separate lives. Both work full time. You come home, you got two kids and a dog. What happens when you get home? Is the husband supposed to just come and plop down in the chair and read the newspaper, and the wife does the homework, the laundry, and the cooking and the cleaning. Let me tell you something, boys. You do that, she is not gonna be around for long because she's gonna resent the heck out of you. Because she works just as long and she works just as hard as you. 9 to 5 and comes home and has to continue to work.

And then nine o' clock comes, you go back to the bathroom and tap. You go back tapping her on the backside.

What about it?

What are you thinking? She's like, I'm thinking, I'll shoot you if you touch me again. And the reason is because there's been no mutual submission. Well, wives, obey your husband, as in the Lord. Keep reading, keep reading. Read the whole thing. Submitting to one another in godly love. Submitting to one another. So there's parts of my day where Hope invests to make it work. There's parts of our day where I invest to make it work. We did not know this, but we did date a long time. We did have a decent knowledge of each other before we went into marriage. And then we did let this thing evolve over time. And so we're sitting here, I can say this. And you don't have to say it just because I did. I've never been more in love. I've never been more in love. I've never had a busier life.

Right.

I've been beat up, you've been beat up. We've been done wrong. We've been extremely disappointed. We've raised kids that were a handful. And to be able to say that afterwards means.

But you helped me. You've always helped.

I've always said, well, I knew that that wasn't going to fly. But number one, I just know the way you're built, that ain't going to fly.

It's not realistic to think that somebody's going to work all day, come home and continue to work, work, work all day, and you do nothing.

To me, I knew. Makes no sense. We were both raised in houses with dual parents working.

Yes.

So I was never raised in a home where Mama stayed at home and did everything and Daddy came in and got propped his feet up and treated like a king. There might be people that. That was in their bloodline, that was not in mine. So it was. Everybody had a job to do.

Yeah. And let's just pitch in and get it done.

Exactly right. So let me go there. Let me go there. Because it's the small foxes that spoil the vines. We don't need to talk about deep stuff. This is practical. I don't know that me and you have jobs at our house.

Roles, roles, assigned roles.

Now you wash dishes a whole lot more than I do. And you know what? I've come to you and I said, man, I really don't like washing dishes. I don't know Why? I don't know why.

You don't even like putting them in the dishwasher.

I. I just don't like washing dishes. And I can't explain it.

Listen, I'll say, ron, I cooked. Would you do the dishes? Ron will pick them up from the table and put them in the sink. I'm like, dude, you're right.

You're. No. You could have come from the table.

And stuck them in the dishwasher.

Yes, I could have.

As quick as you put them in the sink.

Yes, I could have. And I'm slowly getting there. I'm slowly getting there. But I do clean up the kitchen.

I do clean up pretty good, don't I?

I clean up the kitchen. You cook, and that's kind of our thing. She cooks and go down, take your iced tea and sit down on the couch a few minutes, put on your favorite show. And I go to. I go to wiping off the countertops, putting the food, the leftovers in the tub. You know, I'll do what I need to do, but I usually do leave the dishes in the sink. I don't like dishes. But here's the thing. I'll go start taking out two or three bags of trash. You know, we take more trash than.

Any family I think I have ever known.

It's because somebody has Amazon on my step every day in the morning.

I have no idea who would do that.

So that's why we have so much trash. We have trash bags full of Amazon, Chaz. So anyway, probably, yeah, not me. Ain't Chaz. Chaz won't spend a dime on that.

I saw something on Facebook the other day. It said, who can show up at your house unannounced? And you welcome them with open arms. And I said. I answered. I said, my grandkids and Amazon.

Anyway, Hope's making sure Jeff Bezos remains one of the richest people in the world.

Yes, I am. I love him and I love his creativity.

Well, you're helping him. So anyway, I call you the Great Liquidator. Don't. I've been trying to be the Great Liquidator. I've been everything I could.

Could somebody get me a T shirt or sweatshirt? Liquidator.

She can flat get rid of it. I'm tell you that. But I. I was just thinking about George. We kind of have this thing. If you. If you come upon it, whoever gets there first and it needs to be done, do it. There's some things you don't want me doing. You really get nervous if I start washing clothes.

Ron, you're not Allowed to wash clothes?

Yep. You start. I'm willing. I helped. But you are not able.

You are not.

Baby, I'm really good at it.

No, you.

If you put it on cold, it don't matter.

Ron.

If you put it on cold water, it don't matter. With towels, if it's on cold, it don't matter.

Who lied to you? Listen, when we met and we went to. We first met at Emanuel College, I started doing his laundry. Even then dating. Everything he owned was gray. Gray. It was horrible. Like he had been dipping in a muddy river somewhere. Gray. He is not allowed to do laundry because you threw everything in there together and put stuff in there that said soap.

That's all I could afford. You ever seen those grocery stores where you go and it says laundry detergent and you buy that one soap, it's just got a white label and it says beans. Don't say Del Monte. Don't say Lux. Just beans. That's the way I used to shop back then. She did. She started washing my clothes right at the gate because she was so finally disappointed.

Bottom line, I am your helpmate. We complete each other. You do things that I can't do. I do things that you're not good at. We pick up each other's slack. Why? Because we love each other. We look. That's the. That's the baseline. We love each other and love compels you to give.

Now, we might do sex next. We might. Because this kind of leads. I'm not talking about the act. I'm talking about.

Where did that come from?

I'm talking about. Well, we talked about doing the topic. And I said, you know what? I need time on that. And I'd like to do more promotion because it's such a hot topic and with most Christians, it's taboo.

No, it's what everybody wants more of, but they don't want to talk about it.

That money. Two things everybody wants more of is sex and money. And nobody in church wants to talk about it. So where the pulpit is silent, the people struggle. And so I say, we might be hitting that pretty soon, but now, here again, keeping passion in a marriage. We've been talking about stuff. The stuff that ain't fun, but next week mean you're going on a trip. We have learned the art of. We can't take week and two week trips. Our life does not allow that. But we intentionally. You intentionally. She'll take two or three days every. Honestly, four to six weeks. You'll take two or three days and tell me, Ron, we're going here, Ron. We're going here. I know some of you, your economy don't allow that. But we've always done it parallel to our economy.

Yeah, we have.

We always pulled out. You know, if somebody.

We did picnics.

We did picnics. You know, we did a camper. You know, somebody had a cabin up in somewhere and 45 bucks and it had a fireplace in it. In other words, it wasn't really so much about the place. It was about being with you.

Right.

And it was about being with you outside of the setting where everything made a demand on us.

And especially if you've got a high stress, stressed life and you spend several days away from each other, if you travel, you have to be intentional about spending time with one another. Ron, we'll talk about that next. I hate you right now.

Stop.

That is one of my nicknames that he has for me is county line. He says I change when he takes me out of the county line. So, men, if you want your wife to change, book a trip, hon. You can send me an offering later. So here's some dates on a budget, okay?

Pardon me.

Get coffee at your favorite coffee house and just sit in the parking lot and talk.

Coffee ain't a budget no more, Ron.

Go to a karaoke bar and sing a duet together.

That's hilarious.

That is hilarious.

Hilarious.

Yes. Go skydiving. I ain't doing it.

No.

Go to the zoo or a museum. Attend a concert and sing out loud to one another.

We went to see Journey.

Yeah, we did. And we had.

And we were backstage. Now, Journey, why did we. Why was that special to us?

Because we grew up on it.

That was our Journey. That was our dating music. And she always wanted to kiss. When I played Journey always wanted to kiss.

What song did I want to kiss to?

Faithfully.

Yep.

And so Journey had a concert in Las Vegas. Now on the west coast, we're only a 50 minute flight. We had the best time. That was the best time. And we got backstage passes, got to meet some of them. It's just. That was so much fun. Go ahead.

What about going putt putting or bowling?

Remember time I took you putt putting and you beat me?

Yes.

Remember that?

Yes. Go to a diner and share a milkshake together. Let's see. Rent a motor scooter and go for a spin.

I would not let you get on a motor scooter.

Flowers. Flowers seem to always work, don't they?

You used to tell me you didn't like them, but I think that shifted a little. Bit.

I do like flowers, but I'd rather have the $50 that it cost you to get the flowers. That sound bad. Just give me the $50. How about that? Take a road trip. Take an afternoon drive. Just use.

We do that all the time.

Yeah, I love that.

Hope has a little Volkswagen Doodle bug, and it's a convertible. And I'm gonna tell you one of our highlights. I will pull in to a store right down the road. And she likes a fountain drink.

I do. I like the bubbling.

She likes a fountain drink. And I'll pull in. So simple.

Idiot.

The car's not an expensive car, you know. It's not a Ferrari. It's a Volkswagen Doodlebug convertible. We drop the top, I run through, I get her her fountain drink, and we literally. We live in an area where there's tons of wineries, hills, windmills. We just go riding. We just go riding.

And what about this one? Camp out and kiss under the stars.

I can't do that with you because it always leads to other things. But it could be a good day.

Okay. It's all me. It's all me. And what about that, ladies? You gotta give and take, too. Now you got to give. I go to more football games with Ron Carpenter because I know he likes it. It's not a big deal to me.

But you kind of started getting into it, baby. Remember that day I called you and I wasn't there? I said, what are you doing? You said, I'm watching my game. Cops play football. And I thought, I think I'm in love. I said, I have married the right woman. I'm not even there, and she's got the football game on.

Yeah, but it was a big game. It wasn't just the USC Gamecocks against whoever.

But I can't remember what it was, but I remember, like, really, I'm not there. You got it.

It was a rivalry game, but there's a lot to do. Just go outside and watch the sunrise. Really? Don't. No, no, no, no, no. Don't ask me to watch the sunrise. That's too early.

No, we watch sunset.

Sunset.

Let me tell you what we love. We've invested in this. A fire pit.

Yep. We roast marshmallows.

Our grandkids love it when they come over. S' mores time. But me and Hope, we go out there, she'll take her feet. Sock feet. Put them up near that fire.

Yep. And again, Ron, this doesn't just happen. This takes planning and intentionality. You want your marriage to thrive.

That's the journey, though. That's the fun of it.

You want your marriage to thrive, right? You want a happy marriage. You want a spicy marriage? You got to invest in.

In the words of Journey, I get the joy of rediscovering you. In other words, I'm on the road, but when I get back, I get the joy of learning all these wonderful things about you. Again. That's what marriage really should be.

And it's not doing life alone. It's not being single. When you're married, it's not the wife has her set of friends and the husband has his set of friends. It's doing it together, intertwining your life to become one. God wants you to have a marriage that you celebrate, not that you tolerate. That's not God's best for your marriage. Our prayer for you is that you make some changes. You do what? Get out of your comfort zone, to be able to light that spark, to get it going again. I believe there is a better marriage than you could ever imagine if you do some of these simple things the.

Kids do not think, not wish, do.

Ron and Hope loves you. We love you dearly.

Blessings.

Bless you. See you next time.