Ron + Hope: Unfiltered - How To Show Love

Foreign.

Hello, everybody. It's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered. So glad you are here today. Real raw, relevant. What are you doing, Ron?

Thing went turned on, right? You know I like things to be in order.

Okay. You always have an issue with your drink when we start out. I mean, you either have a big mug, a yeti, your cup's not owned properly, you want a different cup.

I don't remember having any issues. Yeah, I don't get bougie. I don't remember having any issues.

Container that you're watering.

I come from a farming background. I'm like the least bougie person in the whole Earth Realm. Okay, but what are we talking about?

I don't know what you want to talk about.

You told me what we were talking.

About and you said no.

You said, we gotta do the five love languages. And I have to confess to everybody, I forgot two of them. And you had to remind me. Even if you read the book. Stay around. Stay around. Cause the books.

Why are we. It's very old. But why are we gonna talk about this? Because it's very important to know what your spouse, the person.

It's important for me to love you your way.

Yeah.

And I'm gonna give a marriage conference. You know when I came home. Excuse me. When I went out for your first birthday and prepared everything. And you walked in and said, is this my birthday or your birthday? You remember that?

Yes. Because you made it all about you.

But I learned a lesson that night. That was our first year of being married. And actually, I had never thought about that until that time. And we were married in the last.

Let's tell them what you did.

We're going to tell them a lot of things. We're going to tell them how you.

Prove it was my birthday.

Okay.

And then you come in and have.

It all sexy music. You go too quick. You gotta make this thing like a bed.

I'm like, dude, whose birthday is this?

I had pulled out a couch. Bed.

Yes.

Remember the couch? Out of bed in our little apartment? I had pulled it out. It was so sweet. It was my first time married and she was having a birthday.

He tried to do honeymoon on every occasion.

Wait a minute. I learned when we were dating what birthdays meant to her. My family did not celebrate birthdays. I only remember one birthday party. Just wasn't a big deal. Had a great family, but we just didn't do birthday. We were a Christmas family.

I'm gonna give you a Mickey Mouse birthday.

I went through dating Hope's first birthday. Kind of treating it like the way we do. And that was really a huge mistake. Cause I didn't know it was kill the fatty calf and better believe it. Ring on a finger and birth month and everything else. It ain't birthday. It's birth, weeks, months.

Yes, it can. All throughout the year, 35 years later.

So I learned that the hard way. No, I've got that the first six months we were dating.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

Previously you didn't.

That's when I had to learn it. 19 and 87.

Four score and seven years in 1987.

And your first birthday was That I spent with you was January of 88. So that would have been when I learned my very difficult lesson. Yes, the hard way.

Okay.

So long and short of it is I later on through college did better and did better. So by the time we got married, which was in 90, you was ready to celebrate, right? Yep. So she had this day. She was in school, using school at Maryville College in Tennessee, and we were church planting. So I left the offices early that day and went back to the apartment and just thought I was doing. Thought I was being the best husband in the world. I cooked, meal. I pulled out. We had, you know, we didn't have a lot of bedrooms, so we had a bed in our couch. I pulled it out. Did I do rose petals? Yes. I don't remember doing like that. But anyway, I did.

You thought it was a valentine.

I did rose petals. I know. I think I had on music.

I bet you did.

And what was that lady we always.

Listened to giving you the best?

What was her name?

Oh, what was her name?

God, I can't think of her name. And Freddy Jackson. Oh, Lord, you are my lady.

You are my lady.

That was the two we always pulled out on our little boombox that we had.

Yeah.

So I had the candles lit and everything. So I remember. I don't know if I picked you up or what, but I remember I walked in with you.

Wait a minute. Those of you who are listening, the candles are lit, Freddy Jackson's playing. The rose petals are out. The bed. Come on. Is prepared.

Yes.

Does this sound like a freaking birthday present or does it sound like anniversary or a honeymoon? Ronald. Ronald.

It was the best present I had to give you yourself. I didn't have no money, that's for sure. So I remember some. I don't. I can't remember details of where we were, we matched up or where we met together. But we walked into the apartment that night and I had everything Ready like that. And I remember you walked in and stood there and you weren't ugly. You didn't say nothing ugly, but you looked around and of course the room was set for things to come, of which were to come, of course. And you said, is this my birthday or is this your birthday? And so without getting offended. No, you probably got offended without getting offended.

Yeah, you got offended.

Hope has a way of communicating through sarcasm. Underneath the sarcasm, there's a hint of truth that you need to receive. And so she got her message across. And I think ever since then, I've been probably the most banged up birthday guy.

Yes.

Ever. In the whole world. I do birthdays pretty good, but I had to learn.

Yep. So that's what we're talking about.

Why did we tell you all that? Yeah. So why did I go through all that to get to this point? Not to be cliche, but the Bible says that, you know, we submit to our. We submit to one another in brotherly love. It's a mutual submission thing. Part of that mutual submission is learning that my love language may be different from their love language. And it is easy for me to love you my way because it's natural. Yeah. I love words of affirmation and I love quality time. Now you love quality time. I do, but I love affirmation. Quality time, then touch, you know, all that stuff. Mine gift giving is actually the bottom of mine. Hope knows. Really? I don't even like surprises. Surprises, like, make me anxious. I want to know. And then you get mad because I want to know. Hope loves to be surprised. Hope loves. It depends if it's an expensive one. You want in on it. You want in on it if it's, you know, something swallowed. I get you. You like to be surprised. But giving is your love language. Giving does not mean materialistic. Giving means when somebody goes out of their way to bring you a gift, it blesses you.

Yeah. It used to frustrate me so bad. People in the church would say, pastor, I saw the. I was out today and I was shopping. I saw these shoes. They reminded me so much of you. And I'm like, and did you get them? I'm like, if they reminded you of me, that must have been the Holy Spirit saying, get these for her.

I said, it's not always the Holy Spirit, baby. Why are you always trying to be spiritual?

Is innate.

You're always trying to bring God into a gift of.

Come on, come on. It would frustrate me. I saw these shoes that reminded me so much of you. I saw this shirt that reminded me of you.

Well, that is probably one of the first lessons that you have to start learning out of the gate. And who wrote the love language book? Tim Beverly lehay. Was it them that wrote that? I don't want to give credit to the wrong person. I can't remember.

I can't remember. It's been a long time.

Please don't quote me on that. It was back in the 90s. I haven't read it since. But it made a mark on me then because it was right after that that I got introduced to Gary Chapman. Gary Chapman. Gary Chapman wrote the book the Five Love Languages. And they do hold true.

Yes.

And so.

But the whole deal is in relationships.

Learning the language you speak.

Yes. Why? Because I love you.

Exactly.

And I want you to feel my love.

Exactly.

You want me to feel that love. And for whatever reason we receive, we hear love differently. And so if you really want that person to know how much you love them, you got to say it the way that they hear it. That's the whole thing.

So mine's words of affirmation. What is easy for me to do to you? Because I do you all day.

Yes. He talks all day. His is words of affirmation. So he talks to me all day.

And says, you look amazing.

You look amazing. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Oh, I wouldn't want to be married to anybody.

Thirty some years into it.

Yep.

Still do it.

Just over and over. Oh, yeah, I love it. I love to hear it.

It fills your tank. But it's not your language, so to speak. So. But, you know, I come walking in with, I got you a little something, babe. I thought this was cute. And it looked like you. Oh, you know, light up. Exactly right. Because that's your language. Me, I know. This is going to sound so boring. Give me a time with no phone and no TV and you in a room beside a fireplace. I'm good.

And the couch, bed pulled out.

No, I've moved on.

You've moved on. You've become more mature in your love.

I've moved on from that. Because no need putting efforts into futile things. I've learned. I've learned to put my investment where there's return and there's not a good return in that.

Ron Carpenter.

You came in and I had the couch pulled out.

Now you look at me, please. What are you doing? I said get the vacuum out.

But I will take you to a cheap hotel every once in a while.

Ron Carpenter.

Remember that? I do that's always a good thing to do.

You are skanky.

Let me tell you something. Don't always take them to nice hotels. Every once in a while, you gotta pull in the Red Roof Inn.

No, you do not.

Yes, you do.

Holiday Inn, maybe, but no.

Red Roof. Red roof in where you have to take the sheets and inspect them with a light, you know, before you get on them.

No, we are not doing that. That is not healthy.

This is real raw and relevant. And I'm trying to tell the people the things that you really enjoy.

Well, we gonna take a break right here.

You can't go from this to noon.

I wanna slap you.

You can't go in from this to noon. We need to keep rolling.

You said the Red Roof in. Oh, my God.

Wasn't there one of them? Ron, there's one of them.

No, I'm not giving you a half hour.

Why are you blushing?

I'm not blushing.

Yes, you are. You're flushed.

No, I'm not.

I sold you out publicly.

Oh, my God.

No.

You talking about your own self.

Riding down interstate. And if you see a Motel 6.

Oh, yeah. Okay, guys.

And Sizzler.

That's a lie.

A Sizzler, Motel 6 and a Sizzler.

No.

Take you back to your roots. Don't ever get above your razor.

That is not my roots. My roots would be Ryan's. Y' all don't remember Ryan's Steakhouse?

Sizzler put them out of business. We need to move on. We're not getting anywhere. Go ahead.

Oh, God. Well, we have to do a shout out to our sponsor, Noom.

We love Noom. Yes.

And I'm so grateful to report I've lost about £10. Thank you. Thank you, Noom.

All right, wait a minute, Wait a minute. Here's my love language. And what'd I tell you this morning? I said I could tell you lost weight. And I said it looked amazing.

You did, Lynn. You did.

But she wanted balloons.

A bracelet. Can you give me a bracelet to tell me how much you love that? I've lost weight. But eating.

Can you tell my wrist is smaller?

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And don't forget the slash run and hope because we want them to know we're a good partner.

Yes.

And that's how you do it.

And it does work guys. If you've tried everything else and it's not working, you need to.

Well, nun didn't ask me to say this, but what's one of the threads? Through all my teaching, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. So the truth that you embrace define your reality. That's with food. That's with everything. And you know I never did have a problem with being much overweight. But you remember one time my my blood pressure and cholesterol and it was sky high but I came from a family of ham and red eyed gravy and I mean that's what we did and it took its toll and it had to.

They don't know what red eye gravy is. Baby.

That's when you take the grease from the ham or from the pork and then mix in the flour and stuff, and all of a sudden you got red eye gravy.

That's the main ingredient for red eye gravy.

Fat.

No, Ron, you don't know. It's coffee.

Oh, everybody don't do that.

You take the ham grease, put in your flour like you're normally gonna do gravy, and then you pour a little coffee in it, like, even if it's cold, instead of using water or milk. And that's what makes called red eye gravy. It's delicious with biscuits.

Where were we? Where were we?

We're talking about love languages and going to a red roofing.

Tell them the story.

We are not going to a red.

Proven your love to me, Ryan. This is horrible.

I was an innocent, very impressionable little girl at 8 years old.

I was a little boy. No, I was a preacher.

We were dating. I was a preacher. We were already in the relationship enough that we were saying, I love you, and we knew we were going to end up getting married.

You had. We've been dating about three days, and you're telling me you love me, Ron?

Oh, God. Every night we'd go somewhere like Pizza Hut or McDonald's or Burger King, and we'd sit and we'd get. You'd get three Whoppers or something like that. Yes, you would. So we're sitting there that night eating, and you said, hope you looked at me. You said, prove your love to me. I was like, okay. What?

It was joking. I didn't say it like that. I didn't say it. Sultry.

Yes. And then you said, bite this hamburger. No, no, no, no. You said, french fry. You said, I'm gonna eat this french fry. And he took it out of his mouth, y', all, and it was a ball of goo. He said, eat it. You eat it. Prove your love to me. And I was like, oh, God. Oh, but I gotta do it. And so I put it in my mouth and I ate it. And then I said, okay, here I built. I ate some hamburger and I pulled it out, said, prove your love to me. And, Ron, you look. You said, I. He said, hope, I can't. I can't do it. He said, I love you, but I can't do it. I said, I hate you, Ron. I just did this. I ate this nasty, gooey, slimy french fry mess, and you won't do it.

Man, we had great years dating, didn't we? They were fun. I wouldn't change Them for nothing. Love languages before I. Let's go through the five. Let's go through and help me, because like I said, it's been a while, but they are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch. Gift giving and acts of service. Yes, Correct. Rate those for you.

Okay. Gift giving is number one. Quality time would be number two.

I'd say that service, I think would be good.

Service would be number three. Just top three.

Yep. I would say that for you.

What about you?

No, we're gonna do you first. And you, Democrat. Okay. This stuff is not scripted or rehearsed on purpose. So you can get it like this, real raw and relevant. All right. Something I do that really fills your love tank. And I may have learned it, I may not have done it, but I've learned it over the years. Something that when I do it, you may not say anything about it, but you feel it.

When we go on trips together, just anywhere. Like, we'll go to Tahoe or we'll go to Vegas, or we'll go to Monterey. Monterey. Or we'll go to Florida, or just we'll go on trips together and spend time together.

What about when you see me cleaning up?

Oh, I love that now. Yes. When I see you cleaning up, washing dishes, straightening out.

Because that means a lot to your house. And it's coming home.

When I come home, if I've been gone preaching or if I'm on the east coast and come back that house, when I come home and the candles are on and the music's playing and it's clean. And it's clean, the dishes are put up. That is everything.

That's a character flaw. Dishes. Sometime I'll do everything. But I hate dishes. I hate freaking dirty dishes.

Just put them in the dishwasher.

I just hate it. I mean, I'll vacuum, I'll clean it. I just. I wash clothes. But I hate dishes. But anyway, I've learned to do them. But I try to make sure if you're gone, if it's within my ability to do it, to have the house clean. Because I know you really, really love that. I do gift giving.

Yep.

What's the time where it really spoke to you? It really touched you?

Every time. I love it. Except when you go and you try to do sneaky things like you'll go to Victoria's Secret and ask them to give you an extra small pair of pajamas. That crap makes me mad. I'm not extra small.

I take hope in there and I get one of the ladies and I'll.

Pull up something that embarrasses me.

I'll pull up something I like and I'll say, do you have this in an extra small? And they'll just immediately look at hope and they get quiet. I say, yep, I want it to fit a toddler.

A toddler.

Okay. I'm still a man. Yes, you are. I'm a saved man. But I'm a man.

You are.

And all of this is directed at you. So aren't you glad about that?

So it makes me mad.

Mine. Guys, let me speak from a guy standpoint. The Bible does put the extra pressure on us, I think. I have spoken about this in one of our podcasts about Dwell with her with knowledge. The fact is, there is a discovery of your wife that God will put the responsibility on you to discover it, because they're a tad more complicated and there's a tad more buttons to push, and they feel things differently than we feel them.

And.

And so I did have to learn that. And I learned it all the way back at that first birthday. I remember that vividly. I remember the first birthday. I didn't do a whole lot. We were dating and it hurt your feelings, and I didn't get it. I didn't understand it, and you had to talk to me about it. And then the first time that I meant to do something because I knew you liked it, but I did it my way. So this is learning and this is evolving to understand. To say I love you is actually getting me out of my natural comfort zone. And then I'm having to be intentional because we have a couple of ways we're the same way. I hear it through acts of service. When you cook. You love that when you cook. How many times do I sit there? She's been cooking for me for 30 something years, but I'll sit there and I try to always say, baby, thank you. That was amazing.

And while you're eating it, you'll say, I'd rather have this than anything the restaurant has to offer.

I get so tired eating at hotel restaurants and being on the. And this and that and the other. When I come home and you got that meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Come on.

Cabbage, cornbread, sometime.

A little bit of fried squash. Yeah, a little bit of fried squash sometime. It's. That beats everything. So I enjoy. I hadn't really looked at my number 2, 3, 4, and 5, but acts of service mean a lot to me, too, actually. Gift giving probably would be one of my least. I enjoy gifts, but I don't think that's the time where I hear, I love you. Physical touches. Probably a strong three. Maybe running neck and neck with two. I like touch. I told people, like your hand on my face. Why do I like that?

I don't know.

I like your hand on my face.

You like to hold hands?

I like to hold hands. But you're starting to like that in the morning.

You want to hug.

Physical touch. Yep. Like to hug. And I like you to have big, thick pajamas on size extra small when we hug.

But listen, this is key. You don't just know these. You don't just know it. You have to talk.

It's a journey. It's a journey.

You have to sit and say, what do I do that says I love you? What or what could I do that would say I love you? How do you hear it? You got to sit down and talk to your spouse, to the person you're dating so that you'll know.

Our vacation spot, which is now that we live on the west coast, is very short from here is Cabo, Mexico. And I. There's. There's some bathing suits that you wear that I hear I love you very loud, Ron.

Very loud. We are not talking about this. Y' all. See? See what I deal with?

Very loudly.

See what I deal with?

Yep.

Okay, move on.

I don't hear it like somebody speaking in a speaker. You come out in that. And then there's some bathing suits that you own that say, grandma and I just. I hate those.

I love them.

I hate those. I hate those. I never thought I'd ever have a wife wear one. A skirt on it.

You never thought we'd be here?

No. Never thought everybody would wear one with a skirt.

That's my holiness bathing suit.

There was somewhere with this thing I wanted to go, and it slipped my mind a minute ago.

Yeah. Cause you got to talking about red roofing and bathing suits.

Yeah. It does distract me a lot.

You need help?

No, I don't. It's very healthy, actually, to talk that way about your wife when you've been around them for going on four decades.

That's right.

Very healthy. So as the Bible talks about mutual submission, submitting to one another in love, I think at the beginning, there's a little bit crucifying of self that has to go on. And nobody talks about crucifixion of flesh and crucifixion of self and dying. Those are not popular topics in church realm anymore. But my dad always told me I'll never forget it. He said, son, he said, the Bible says to take up your cross and follow him. And he said, a cross only has one thing. He said it's to die on. He said, it's to die on. And there's some people that they love selfishly. They're going to love their way, they're going to love how they feel it, and they're going to love how they see it. And what they don't understand is what a selfish act that is. Not to intentionally communicate with, not to intentionally go on the journey to find out. And that person may not even know.

Right.

You know, but when I met you at your. When I went to your first birthday, you hadn't read the five love languages.

No.

You know, we were in college. You may not even know what it was, but you did know that the fact that I did hardly nothing did not move you at all. And so this was a thing. And I had to learn to become intentional. I don't really enjoy going shopping by myself, but the fact is, you know, I know that there's some surprises that you're going to get for Christmas coming up. So I had to take a couple of days and go out and do it by myself. And the reason is because I love you. Not because I enjoyed it, but because I love you.

Because you want me to have some prizes.

I want you to have some prizes when you get there on Christmas morning. But here again, intentionalize it. Intentionalize horrible traffic. Intentionalize. This has got to be one of the biggest malls in the world here, and it's packed with people. But that's how you hear I love you. And I have to learn that. And. And I have to crucify everything in Ron Carpenter that wants to just keep doing it my way.

You know, love gives.

Love might be saved. And giving is sacrificial.

Is giving. God so loved that he gave.

If you don't give, don't tell me you love, because I don't believe you.

And if it's not a sacrifice in it, God so loved that he gave and he gave his best part. He gave his only son. He gave his only everything he had. So when I say I love you, when I say I love my children, when I say I love my friends, you know, it's not even about just marriage. It's love. When you love people, you will sacrifice. It will cost you. You will be inconvenienced. Nothing is easy. You will have to get uncomfortable in love.

We got a marriage conference coming up in Monterey, California, the week of Valentine. The week of Valentine's. Right. One of the Topics that we talk about hope is sowing into each other's field. You want to throw the dates up there for everybody.

9, 10, 11, February.

9, 10, 11, february, 9, 10, 11. We'd love to have you go to our website. You can register there. But one of the things we talk about is sowing into each other's field. Okay, got a funny story. I don't like to take much of the toothpaste out of the tube and share it anywhere else because I want them to come to that. But. But I'll tell you this one story you remember, and I'm telling you a story not to be funny. I'm telling you a story to illustrate it. When we were in our earliest of days, you know, we just did whatever we could. I know you're going to school. You came home in the evening and taught piano lessons and voice lessons. And I remember it seemed like I was running to some little church somewhere in the country to preach. It seemed like two or three nights a week, you know, and literally, you know, I drive, I'd spend $30 on gas and church would give me $50. You know, we just trying to. We're trying to survive. But I remember because we were young and we were in love and we were passionate. You know, whenever I got home, those were good times. It was always like, I call it Pastor Appreciation. Remember that?

Yes.

It's like, when I got home, you know, Pastor, it didn't matter what time it was, you waited up for me and this and that and other. And you were extremely affectionate, and you. You'd show me how much you miss me. And those were amazing times. So I had that fixated in my mind that that was the way it was going to be from here until eternity. And I'm going to tell you, I enjoyed it. I loved it. I remember being driving home and like, well, you know, I preached my guts out and they gave me 50 bucks. I went in the hole on this trip.

Books going to have to make up.

I know there's going to be pastor appreciation when I get home. And then we had Chase. Okay, Chase came in, like, the word.

To put on it?

A cruise missile with nuclear capabilities.

You know how most people have named their children little nicknames? Like, oh, little Judah Bear. You know what his name was? Chasing Nader, the Chasingator.

He never slept, and he was not an easy baby. And, I mean, I remember the time we looked across the bed when he was in the middle fighting and throwing his fist and crying.

We said, what have we done?

And he Was only a few months old. And me and you just looked at each other like, what have we created? What have we done? And so long and short of it, he wore you out. I mean, he wore you out. And I was still having to go. We didn't have any insurance or anything, so I was still having to go out. Now I got these bills and preach. And I remember basically one of the first times after, you know, we'd recuperated, you had gotten, well, we'd gotten a little bit used to having a baby in our tiny little home. And I went out and preached again. So I came, I'm driving home. What am I thinking?

Pastor appreciation.

Pastor appreciation. Okay, So I get back to our house, that little yellow house that we lived in. Not what, 890 square foot or something like that tiny little house. And I got back to the house, you didn't meet me at the door. Okay, I had like a briefcase or a satchel or something and I think I had like a change of clothes bag because I didn't want to drive in my suit. And I had them. And I remember I'm just sitting there, I got, you know, daddy's home. The TV was running with like Barney playing on it, Toys everywhere.

It wasn't that bad, Bubby.

It was bad. I remember, you know, like swings sitting over here. I remember several folded up diapers. You know, you put them in a bowl and sit them there and you just take care of the kid and like, I'll come back and get the diaper later. I remember bottles were sitting up in the sink and I remember, you know, just stuff on the floor. It looked like there had been a war fought that day between you and Chase and probably was. I took the satchel and I remember I dropped them.

Oh, that was sweet.

Yeah, like, to let you know, like, wait a minute now, Daddy's home.

Oh, that was sweet.

Daddy's home. So, you know, I've been gone. I'm thinking I'm tired and I'm thinking, you want to see me just as bad as I want to see you and that nothing's changed. But here again, I had to learn to be intentional. When I dropped him, nothing happened. So I remember going and seeing that you had gotten chased asleep and I looked at you and you were laying diagonally across the bed with all of your clothes on. And I'm going to tell them to gooey, but I remember your face. I looked at it and I told somebody it looked like your face was sliding off and you literally like drooling that's good.

That's asleep.

I mean, TV's right? Like you just fell across the bed and said, you know, I'll deal with the whole world later, okay?

And that was my attitude and that.

Was the way that I came with it that night. And I was aggravated and hope, you need a man that listens to the Holy Spirit, don't you? Yes, because God spoke to me just as clear. And he didn't say theist and thou us and wouldest. And he didn't speak in King James language. He said, ron, clean up this house.

Thank you, Father God.

Now we're talking. I can't remember the exacts, but I remember it was midnight, 12:30, maybe one o' clock in the morning. Because I would have, I would take those trips to three hours out in the country.

Well, I should have been asleep.

And I remember sitting there looking at this colossal mess and I've been gone all day. Like, God, are you serious? And he's like, clean up this house. And I remember I went and changed my clothes, put on my sweats and put on my T shirt. And I remember vacuuming. I remember washing dishes and putting the bottles up, steaming them, doing everything they needed to do to be clean. I remember picking up diapers, taking out trash. I remember all this stuff I was doing. And if I remember right, I got in bed when it was just about sunrise.

It couldn't have been that long because Chase didn't sleep that long.

Like I said, the details failed me. But I remember it was close to morning. So anyway, and it was real early in the morning and I just went and laid down in the bed. You were sleeping. You may have gotten up with him a time or two, I don't know, but you were sleeping at that point. And I remember probably being in bed about an hour, maybe five to six, something like that. And you turned over and you tapped me, you woke me up and you said, did you clean this house? And I told everybody, I said, that's the point where I have to milk it a little bit. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. Yeah. And it dawned on me at that moment I had spoken your language. You heard I love you. You didn't hear I love you by me wanting to be intimate. You heard I love you that I went around to every one of those areas which you normally and traditionally would have taken care of those. And I stepped out of my zone and I stepped into your world and did it so you wouldn't have to. Yeah, that did something because you had to be Exhausted. Yeah, but you turned over and I told him. I said, after I spoke your language, you turned around and spoke mine.

Right.

Why? Because me initiating that shifted something in you. When I spoke your language, you easily speak my. That's mutual submission.

Mutual.

Some of you say, well, I want her to love me back. Well, have you loved her her way?

Come on, preach.

You know I love them, but I don't feel like they love me. You need to target how am I loving them? Because so many times we're saying I love you with our love language that they don't hear.

And we're staying stuck in the same cycles and conflict and I'm going to have it my way and I'm selfish. I want you. She never does anything for me and he never does anything for me.

So we got the standoff right here. So I put the responsibility on the man to break the cycle. Yep, there's the standoff. And you know, I was telling you, I talked to somebody on the phone the other day and marriage was a wreck. I mean, it was dangling by a thread. And I just hit the man and I told him, bottom line, I said, if this is going to make it, it's going to be up to you. I said, if she's going to get healed, it's going to be up to you.

Yeah.

I said, if you're going to come out of your anger and depression, it's going to be up to you. And I went. And the person just said.

Because it's true.

And we talked to them not too long ago and things were changing, but I just manned up and said, this is your responsibility, man of the house. And so, you know, we like to beat our chest and be the priest of the house and this and that and other. But the fact is we have priestly responsibilities and if there is ever. Well, you don't. Well, you don't ever. And, well, you don't. Well, somebody's going to have to break that. It's going to have to break because it just keeps rolling and it's a cycle and it's a cycle of victim and it's a cycle of woe is me. Somebody's going to say, I am going to serve you and I'm going to love you your way. Even if it means sacrifice on my part. Yeah.

And it will always require sacrifice. Always, always on your part. Because Jesus is our example.

But can I tell you something? It was intentional for a while, then it becomes normal. Then it becomes natural because I love you so much and I know I am so acquainted with what moves you. I'm moved to do it without it being a crucifixion and crucifying my flesh. I want to do that. I get. Sometime you have to make me quit spending because I get great satisfaction and I'm like, I want to do something. You're like, I didn't come to the mall today. I just want to look at Christmas trees and drink a cup of coffee and hold your hand. But I'm wanting to do something for you, you know, because I know that that's your language.

Okay.

I don't know if we've helped anybody today. Do you think we'll help anybody when we get crazy like this? Dave's been a little crazy.

This right here. If you'll implement this in your relationship, it changes everything.

We can't lay hands on you and make this happen.

No, this is just a choice.

It's a decision. It's a decision.

It's a choice.

It's a decision that you make.

So good, Ron.

Life is choice driven and these decisions can change things. I want to in a day. Yeah.

And we wait for you guys to come get more information at the marriage conference. Oh, so good. In Monterey.

I've been to a bunch of them, I'm not going to lie. Because we've invested over two decades in this. It's one of the best package marriage conferences.

We only have room, I heard, for about 80 more couples. So 80 couples. And it's filled up.

So it's a total of 350, 400 couples.

I think it's about 400 couples.

About 400 couples. And we got room for 80 more. We would love for that to be you. Don't matter where you live or where you come from. Fly on in. It's a beautiful, beautiful area in California and I think you will leave. It will change things and you'll say it's a great investment that you have made.

Listen, if you've liked this podcast, go listen to all of them, but be sure to subscribe to our podcast. Push the button. Subscribe so that they can be delivered to you every Thursday. And then if you're watching on YouTube, please be sure to like and share. Share. Like and share. You hear me? What did I say? Like and share.

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We love you so much. Until next time, Ron and hope Unfiltered.

God bless you guys.

Relevant.