Ron + Hope: Unfiltered - Me and My Big Mouth (Taming the Tongue)

Foreign.

Hey, guys, this is Ron and Hope Unfiltered. Real, raw, relevant. And Ron is over here slurping his coffee.

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No, it's just good coffee.

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It's my fave.

But anyway, this is my coffee cup. We got Ron and Hope Unfiltered. Has my water in it.

Cheers.

Okay. And people have been asking, can they get this cup? Yes. For a seed of $30,000 or more, Ron Carpenter, we will send you this gift.

With the water. Here is holy water. It's from Jerusalem.

Just kidding.

Have you heard those before? I have, yeah.

Anyway, I don't do those. We got a good one today. We got a good one today. You know what I was telling Hope a minute ago, actually, right before we just clicked and said, let's start. I was telling her, I said, I don't ever want these to become a Bible study. You have so many other ways to get us in our content when it comes to pulpit content, teaching content, whatever. But what you wanted to talk about today, I said, there's no way we can't just pull some Bible out. So if you see the Bibles laying here and I want you to think everything, I'm trying to take you through a Bible study because we do just want to talk about the difficulty of it. But it's Me and my big mouth is what we're talking about.

You and your big mouth.

We're saying this together as a couple. Me and my big. Actually, you named it. I did name it Me and my Big Mouth.

Man. Hasn't it gotten us in trouble? And our listeners. I mean, who can raise your hand, listening to us right now and say, it's me. It's me standing in the need of prayer because of my big mouth.

Yep. And mouths. The mouth, the tongue. We know the Bible says it's said among the members in such a way. The Bible says where it. It is like the. It's like the bit in the horse's mouth. It directs the whole thing. And that's really heavy stuff when you're talking about my life really does move in the direction of my words. You can talk your way into any season. You can talk your way out of any season. You can talk your way into somebody's life. You can take your mouth and move yourself out of somebody's life, it's the.

Driver of your life.

It is. It's the driver of your life or.

The driver of your life. And really what our words are, it's just communicating what's in our heart anyway. What's in our thoughts, what's in our heart. It comes out of our mouth. But then it doesn't just, it's not, it doesn't, it's not that it doesn't have repercussions. It does. It literally drives your life in the direction of what you say.

And, and we. And if it is, if you saying it, it is in there.

Yes, it is.

Even if it's a joke, it's in there somewhere. Because we know that the mouth is the ventilation shaft of the heart. Jesus himself said, from the overflow of the heart. So in other words, what the heart is full of, the mouth speaks in other words. Yet the mouth has to speak if it's an overflow on the inside.

And just because you think it doesn't mean that you have to say it.

Right.

You know, yeah, there's. That's just like, you know, we get tempted to do and to think it starts here anyway. But once you say it, you have.

Agreed to it, you've given life to it. Yeah, you've given life to it, you've.

Agreed with it, you've given life to it. And it's going to produce what you say. And it's hurtful. It can be extremely, extremely hurtful.

There's. I want to start with this right here if we can. And baby, you just, you know, we have our wonderful sponsors today, so you just stop me because we. When I get in this mode, I'll just roll. And I don't want it just to become preaching. I want to talk about the natural things of how hard it is. It is difficult to hold your tongue and rein it in when emotions are high. That's the most difficult time in normal conversation. Most people have the ability to discipline their tongue. But when something has you emotionally irate, something emotionally angered, when you are done, when you're depleted, when you've reached, when you're up to here, that's when the stuff comes out that don't need to come out. And what we don't understand is the moment it's spoken, you've given life to it. Because nothing happens in the earth realm until something is spoken. Well, that just don't happen with the positives, that don't just happen with the word that happens with Everything in life. That's why Jesus said that every idle word will be judged, that just things we sit around and say in jesting. We have to be careful. We have to be careful. I'm throwing everything out, then we're going to go back one by one. We have to be careful when somebody's anointed not to put our mouth on them. When I see the anointing, and I've had some people get on my nerves in a mighty way that I knew had a great anointing, and I can't put my mouth on them. Why? Because you can't touch God's anointing. What does it mean, you can't touch them? It means you can't speak against them because you're not coming against them, you're coming against the anointing. Exactly. And these are things that I know years ago, Joyce Meyer used to say, hung by the tongue. And those are the things where our mouth gets us in trouble. So whatever thoughts you have, I'm going to let you start out because I literally got so much in my head.

I have the scripture in Isaiah where it says, the Lord has given me the tongue of the learned. Now, if we really think about that, the tongue of the learned, that means we have to have God's help to learn how to use our words right, for blessing, not cursing, the tongue of the learned. To know how to speak a word in season, and that has been a journey. That has been a journey for me, to be quite honest, is to learn how to hold back what I want to say and not just say what's the first thing that comes to my mind. And it has been a severe process for me.

I met a lady talk about that process. What does that mean for me?

Just having to learn that it's not okay just to say whatever I want to say and that there is true power in what I say, and especially if you're anointed and called and have an apostolic anointing on your life, like we both know we do. Our words have, like a freight train behind it. They produce quicker, they produce swift, more swift. They make room, good or bad, for other people to come behind. And I have really had to submit my life to God in prayer and just say, help me, help me, and help me to always. And I've always been a positive person, you know, that I'm way more positive than I am negative. But I have asked the Lord to truly help me with my mouth, to use it for his glory and to produce in our life to help Produce in our ministry, to help produce in our children's life, in our family, in our lineage. I want my words to make an impact for God.

I'm gonna be somewhat vulnerable and really real and raw here in just a second. But let me say to you publicly, for everybody who wants to get and know about the inside of our life, this is what the podcast is about. I think you've come a million miles in that area. You are positive. You came kind of from a faith family. You came from a family that learned under the Copelands and this and that and other, and we're pretty big on faith. I didn't come from that. I come from a Pentecostal family. Some of them Pentecostals were the opposite. They were very poor, mouthy, and very negative. But that was something about you I noticed. You did stay pretty positive. The weakness you had probably when you were younger is that you are quick.

Yes, very.

You're a quick strike.

If I thought it, I'd say it.

You, quick strike. And I will say, over time, you have really, really reigned that in, because I don't really see that being a part of your nature anymore. My thing is just the opposite. I was too slow to use my mouth. Used to frustrate you to no end when I would frustrate you.

Wait. Today's word is frustrated.

Frustrated.

I said frustrate. No, you're starting to hear things.

You're starting to hear things. Frustrated because you're wanting to get clicks and you're wanting to get. You wanting. Yes, you are. But you gotta throw me under the bus. See what this is. Throwing me under the bus. So she can generate clicks.

Frustrate new words. Next. Okay.

Used to frustrate you. I didn't speak up right. What is your thing? You always say to me, people take advantage of your goodness. You always say that to me. They do. You say.

And it makes my things.

Yeah, it does. It does come out. Am I better, though? I'm a little more direct. I'm a little more direct. I speak up a little quicker. And some of that just comes with. Now you get a little. You get less tolerant as you get older for foolishness. Yeah, I used to put up with a lot of foolishness. I don't put up with it that much anymore. Let's go to some of the things you got first, and then I'm going to talk about some of the things I got because I really want to teach people what God says. A lot of people put context of talking about your mouth with prosperity and with prosperity preachers. And it was turned off. So they just didn't do it. No.

This is every area.

This is every area of your life. This is from the time you get up to the time you go to bed. God has given you the most powerful weapon in the world. It is the weapon of your words. It is the way that the world was created was to respond to Adam's word. Adam lost that ability. I'm not going to go teach you all that. But we were. We were created for our world around us to respond to what we say.

We're either building up or tearing down. That's it.

There's no neutral word. There's no neutral word.

You know, like John Maxwell says, you know, you don't just drift to success. You don't look, turn around and say, oh, how did I end up here?

No, it's intentional.

It was intentional. And that's the way our life is, too. Our words are. You spoke yourself into the situation you're in. Yeah. Our words are either positive or negative. It's a plus or a negative.

Let me tell you, one of the most powerful things God ever showed me. Showed me this back in the 90s.

Now, this should be good.

Yeah. One of the most powerful, powerful things.

That God ever showed you.

I said one of the most. I've probably got 10 or 20 things over the years that I look back and say, that principle right there changed my life. This is one of them. And it's something that I preached on Easter, of all things. A weird time. But, guys, let me tell you how powerful words are. Jesus, mother and brothers were at the foot of the cross, wailing, crying, screaming. Can you imagine the boy she raised and knew for 33 and a half years? He's blood running down his body, nails in his hands, a spear in his side, crown of thorn. And she's having to watch this. Gruesome. Yeah. And she knows Jesus. She knows the kindness. She knows who he is in the natural. She knows who he is after the spirit. And this is her boy. You got to understand what is going on there. Really read the scripture for what is happening. This is a gruesome scene. And a mother who is being made to watch it. And then finally, Jesus has been hanging on this cross for hours. And they are at the foot of the cross. And Jesus gives this weird statement. He says, woman, behold thy son.

Son.

And then he told John, behold thy mother. And I read that, and I'm like, it almost seemed out of context. Yeah. Calling her woman.

Yeah.

I've never called My mom, woman.

Right, Just.

But Jesus was having to draw a line because his mom was standing in the way of purpose. And sometimes. Oh, that's. You can be doing something out of love, but be in the way of purpose. Remember how we used to always step in front of our kids? Consequences out of love, but we're standing in the way of God has a purpose for the pain. And so anyway, she's standing in the way of purpose. He says, mom, behold thy son. John, behold thy mother. Basically, what he's saying is, mom, go home. Because as long as you're. As long as you're at the foot of the cross talking to me, I can't die. Her words were keeping him alive, and he was sent to die. He wasn't sent to live. He was sent to die and be raised to life. And there was no way, as long as he was hearing her voice, as long as words were coming out of her mouth, he could not finish what he was put here to do. And basically, what he's saying, mama, go home. Go home and let me die. And it was not a terse statement. He wasn't being disrespectful, but he understood the nature of the moment. You're standing in the way of the thing that God created from the foundations of the earth to take place. And the thing that was keeping it from happening was words.

Yeah.

So this is what I wanted to say in starting. What you talk to lives, what you quit talking to dies. Do you know the profundity? I love that word, profund. That's profoundity. Do you know the profundity of that statement? But if you quit talking in a relationship.

Yeah. The relationship will die.

You ever noticed how when you don't talk to somebody in a long time, it gets weird?

It's odd.

It gets weird. And nothing's happened, no offense, has happened. Nobody's mad. But the communication has been shut off. And when that happened, automatically the relationship began to deteriorate.

Yeah. So good.

Marriage. If the communication stops in a marriage, the marriage dies. What you talk to lives. What you quit talking, to die. If you. If you want a relationship to end, quit talking.

Have you ever noticed, like, even if you're busy, I'll be like, why aren't you talking to me? And my next question will be, is something wrong?

Yep. See, right there. And if someone wants to stop a relationship, what do they do?

Stop communicating.

They delete their name. They won't text them back. Why? Because the communication, the lack of communication destroys the life. The life is in the Fact that words are being exchanged. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God, and the Word became flesh. So everything starts with Word and everything comes out of word. So when God gave us the power to speak words, I can bring life to anything I want.

This is so good. This is so good. But I met this lady, Miss Deborah Smith Pigou, about a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago, at something we both did for Brenda Crouch. And when I met her, had never, no idea, had no idea that she was the author of this book that came into my hands probably 20 years ago. And it was one of the first books that I ever read on taming the tongue. And she's the author. 30 days to taming your tongue. What you say and don't say will improve your relationships, guys. Over a million copies sold. It's life changing. And she told the story of why she even started writing this book, that she was really struggling with her tongue. And it was something personal that God asked her to do. It was a fast, 30 day fast that he took her through on taming her tongue and her mouth. And then she wrote down everything that she learned. A million copies. Soldiers. Guys. It's phenomenal. It really is an amazing book. So I would just encourage you to get this book. It's amazing.

We were laughing beforehand. If you can tame it in 30 days, that's pretty ambitious. So anyway, but I know what she means. You can move the needle in the right direction by the principles she puts forth here. Let me talk about one of the most difficult things about words. And I talked about emotion, feelings and emotion. Esau, you know, you got the story of Jacob and Esau. Esau was the firstborn. And Jacob, whose name means trick and so was his character and his personality, went to Esau one day when he was hungry and sold his birthright to Esau for a bowl of beans. Sold a birthright for a bowl of beans. Temporary feeling. Hunger that comes and goes every day several times. Long term. Birthright that will never leave your life. Inheritance that will never leave your life. He sold it. He sold an eternal thing for a temporary thing. And then you go to Malachi and you don't see God. Say this much. It says, Jacob, I loved Esau. I hated Jacob. I love the person that wants eternal things, he said. But I hate the one who will sell out things long term for stuff that's immediate.

Yeah. No discipline, no selling.

Jacob, I loved Esau. I hate it. What does that mean? Most words said in haste are said under emotional duress. Or pain are usually the most damaging ones. I'm not going to be mad in an hour, but what I said to you while I was mad, it'll be hard for you to ever get it out of your head. And we say things to people out of our pain and out of emotion. And while the emotion is fleeting, the damage that was done, I was telling you this morning, we were sitting there talking, having a cup of coffee, and I was saying, we were talking about someone else. And I said, you know, if you said those things to me, I said, it would be difficult for me to get over that, especially if you said it. A lot of people's words don't mean a lot to me, but if you say it, it means a lot to me. And why? Because you could be mad in a moment, but say something that's going to take me five years to get it out of my system in that moment.

You know, and sometimes we really. I mean, we said earlier it was already in there, but sometimes I believe we. It may be. It may not be in there. We just say things sometimes just to be ugly, just to hurt people because you're. Because you're mad and not understanding that what you said, the power of what you said, but you were just mad.

We think the power of words only comes when we say good words, the church words. So when I'm in church, God hears my word. But the thing is, it's everything that comes out of your mouth. So I want to read this right here. He's talking about the tongue here. And it's, you know, does spring water and bitter water come from the same well? And can a fig tree bear olives? Can a grape vine bear figs? Basically, he's saying, you can't get fresh water and salt water out of the same place. In other words, we've got a mouth. And he's not saying that we're negative all the time. He's saying, the problem is mixture. He's saying, I got fresh water, I got salt water. He said, I've got bitter things, I've got sweet things. He said, I got figs, I got olives. In other words, everybody's life has some good things happening and some bad things happening. And what he's saying right here is it's because mixture in your language and in your words is why there's mixture in your life, okay? Words are progressive. They start in the mind. You believe them in your heart.

They come out of your mouth and.

From the overflow of the heart. The mouth speaketh the Bible. Does not say that they have life while they're still in your head. Some of you need to understand that everything that runs on through your head was not meant to be spoken. Some of you brag about that. Well, I just have no filter and I just say what comes to my mind. You need to keep what's in your mind in your mind.

Because everything that comes to your mind is not godly and it's not from you, it's from the enemy.

And the thing that blows my mind is not only does it come out, but now they'll rant on Internet.

Oh my goodness.

So they'll take something that's happening in a bad moment of life, cut on, you know, Instagram Live or Facebook Live, and they'll just throw it to the whole world. And you know what? And a week later they feel stupid.

And then make comments even about somebody else's life that they don't even know. Don't even know. They'll see something on, on the Internet or something on Instagram, a post and judge immediately. And the Bible clearly says do not judge. Do not judge.

The same measure you use. Yeah, it's going to come right back to you. And so those are the things that blow my mind. Let me tell you something. Your mind is probably the last bastion of privacy left in the earth. Guard it. I can think things in the privacy of my mind that don't need to be spoken. And that doesn't mean that they're bad things. They just aren't meant for public consumption. They're meant for me and run and ponder with God. That's what they're meant for. But today we don't only speak them, we speak them publicly. And then once the emotion have passed and I'm having a better day, we look back on what we did last month and we look like an idiot. Why? Because you spoke things that people are going to remember forever. On a night when you got broke up with and you were depressed and you done gone on, you done met two other guys now. I mean, you know, since then. So he says this right here, here's what I want to do it. The tongue is set among the members so that it defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of nature. Nature is the root word of natural. In other words, God has set the tongue amongst the members and to set the course of what's natural in your life. If it's natural for you to be stressed, it's because your tongue has set that course. If it's natural for you to be depressed. Your tongue has set that course. I know people don't want to hear this.

I wish I had some money.

We want medicine and doctors. But if you're full of fear, then your course, then your tongue has set that course in motion. So in other words, there are courses that I see running in my life, baby doll, that I don't. Like the Bible don't say, point my finger at others or blame God or even go to the altar, but come back to my tongue. Because if anyone is able to bridle the tongue, he is a perfect man. Well, if there's ever a. You know, I've always said there's not a place called there in God. But he does say, yeah, if you can keep. But I don't know who's done it. I don't know anybody that has perfectly tamed their tongue. That's why he says, whoever does that, he said, that's a perfect man. In other words, if you could talk right all the time, the course of your life will be right. So if you can talk joy, joy becomes the natural course of things. If you can talk love, love becomes the natural course of things. If you can talk grace, grace becomes the natural course of things.

Listen. But people don't want to hear that. Because this is what I hear all the time when I. When I'm sitting down trying to counsel somebody about a marriage or whatever. And I try to tell them these things. They're like, yeah, but I'm just a realist.

That's so ridiculous.

I'm just a realist. I keep it real. I keep it 100. I ain't faking.

Keeping it real will keep you alone and keep you broke.

Right?

That's what keeping it real do. I'm just keeping it real.

Cycle that you've been living that you hate. And clearly, if you are in a life that you hate, why not try doing something different?

The tongue. Listen to this. No man can tame it. It's an unruly, evil full of poison. I mean, I could teach three months out of this full of poison. The bite is not what takes you down. It's the poison. And what we don't understand, words bite at the beginning. But when the argument is over, there's a toxin in your life.

It settles. It gets in there.

A dad or a mother can say something in haste. When a kid is 8 and that man is now 48 and he's sitting in a therapist chair and he's crying over that word of. My dad used to say this. My dad used to say this. Why? Because although the bite is 40 years old, the poison is in me from it. And the Bible says that the tongue is full of deadly toxins and deadly poisons. In other words, things that don't leave quickly.

Right.

That's why we've got to reign this in. I got one more that I want to share and I'm going to quit taking your time.

You're not taking my time.

This is what he said. This is my big thing right here. Look also at ships. Although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires.

Wow. Wow. Where do you want to go?

Okay, so everybody talks about things out of my control. Those are the winds. I can't control the winds. I can't control that I got laid off. I can't control the company went bankrupt. I can't control what my wife did. I can't control what my husband did. I can't control what my kids did. So I've got all these things, factors that are stressors in my life that I cannot control. He said, but that wind still does not create the direction of your life. He says if you can feel the wind but keep your tongue under control, you will still get it where you want, even though outside forces are trying to take you in different directions.

I'm going to run.

I'm going to drink coffee while she runs.

Week.

So what do most people do?

Y' all getting this? Look, do y' all hear what we are saying?

The winds. Okay, so I. You get laid off. Okay. That's the win. My God. We ain't never going to be able to get ahead. We're never going to be able to get ahead. And just about the time I thought this. And you know what? You can't depend on people and you're loyal. But you know what? Everybody's going to do you wrong. And everybody's out. What? The wind now has the rudder instead of you having the rudder. And you're not to be driven by the winds. If you can hold onto the rudder while the wind is blowing, you will still be the master of your life instead of your tongue.

That is so good.

Okay, I'm going to quit preaching because I'm full of this thing.

That is so good. So bottom line, we control our life with our tongue.

Exactly right. Wherever the pilot desires. Wherever the pilot desires.

Come on, Hope. Really? Really?

Yep.

Seriously, Ron, you. You mean to tell me in the middle of all this I'm going through, I can. I'm married to her. And she does, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I can control my life. I can change this situation by my mouth.

I don't have to defend it. God will defend it. I'm just preaching what he says. You know what? As we, as we winding this down, I said a few minutes ago, you got real. I'm gonna get real. Not a lull, not a low place. That wouldn't be correct. I don't know what you call it. I went through a time probably earlier in the year. I'd say January up through about summer. It's about a six month thing. Wasn't depressed. I wasn't in a low place, but I was down. And I have two people that speak into my life that I give permission to yank my chain, not to be friends with me, but call me out. And one of them, remember, she brought me in and said, I'm hearing you use the word disappointed.

Yes, I do.

Too much, she said. And have you noticed your disappointment is.

Lingering because you keep it on your mouth.

Keep it on. In other words, the disappointment was designed to come and go, but my word.

Stayed in that state.

Yeah, but my word.

Because you wouldn't let it go from your mouth.

I wouldn't let it go. And when it. You're all right. Till it gets in your heart and on your mouth. In your heart and on your mouth. And. And the Bible says, we believe, therefore we speak. What you're speaking is really what you believe.

Ron, this is so good. We got a few more minutes, but before we end out. Fabric. We love you. We love you. We love you.

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It's kind of, I mean, like the last few days.

Yeah. To think about. But you know, guess what, guys? We're not going to be here forever. None of us are. And parents, this is so important. It is time to cross off one of the most important things that you can do to protect your family, to protect your children and their future. It's life insurance. I've seen so many families suffer because the parents did not make the necessary choices to have life insurance. And fabric is by Gerber Life. It was designed by Parents for parents to help you get a high quality, surprisingly affordable term life insurance policy in less than 10 minutes.

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Let me say something they haven't asked me, but I'm a pastor and I deal with all segments of society and I have been doing so for over 30 years. I can't tell you the stress that comes to families when this has not been taken care of. As a pastor, me and Hope see firsthand people who have done fairly well but don't even have the money to to properly bury someone. And then all the time, then it begins to stress the whole family. So what should be filled with memory and should be filled with sentimentalism is now filled with stress because they're trying to cough up thousands of dollars to.

Properly honor some, have a funeral and bury somebody. Less than $10,000 these days.

If you did that, that would be.

Bargain and your insurance will take care of it. Guys.

So we appreciate so much our sponsors, but you, you need to light a fire under it. Quit putting it off and go take care of this. What's the last Comments We've been on here a good while.

Usually our tongue is the worst. Like we said at the beginning, when we're heated, when we're in an argument, we say some terrible things. Proverbs 15:1 says a gentle answer turns wrath, turns away wrath. But a harsh word stirs up anger. So a gentle answer can shut it down and a harsh word can stir it up. Guys, you are the steward of your life. I'm the steward of my life. And our words are so important. It's just not some preachy thing or some pie in the sky. It really is the truth.

Yeah, when you said that, I just remember early in our years when we're two are becoming one and we're making things work, I remember how I used to get aggravated because you came from a family that would fight. You came from a family where it was knocked down, drag out, and kind of the loudest one wins. I came from the most opposite atmosphere imaginable.

I tell people you'd hold hands and.

Sing to them and I used to make you so mad because you wanted me to fight you. And I wouldn't fight you. I wouldn't fight you and I didn't want it wasn't in me to do that. I just wasn't built that way. And those are some of the things that wasn't funny at the time, but now that we look back on it, understanding each other and where we came.

From and you know, what's so. So, you know, the longer we live, the wiser you do become. And what is so disheartening and it is so sad to me is that we say the worst things to the people that we truly love the most. And. And when I say something ugly to you, I'm not just saying it to you. I'm saying it about myself. Because we are one. A married couple. You're one. You are one human. It's not two lives living together. You are one. Your life is not your own anymore. I was talking to somebody the other day who's like, well, can't I just go out and hang out with my boys sometime or another? And the other one was like, well, can I not just have some time to go out and hang out with my girls, you know, live my life? And I said, absolutely not.

It's not your life.

It's not your life as a married couple anymore. And we say and do some of the most hurtful things to the people that we love the most. And listen, guys, you can change the atmosphere in your home. You can change the way your spouse treats you by how you treat them, or not even your spouse, the person you're dating, your friends, your words make the difference in a relationship, and it brings you life. You can talk yourself into a hole, or you can talk yourself out of a hole, and it is all on you.

Your forward motion does not begin with somebody else. It begins with you guys. We love you and we hope that you enjoy these podcasts. Hope that we didn't get too preachy, but, man, this is just a well of information that I hope you'll watch several times over again and share it with somebody else. Be sure to download our podcast. We want you to watch it by downloading.

Follow us on all of our social media platforms. They're right there below you. If you're watching on YouTube, if you're listening on YouTube or if you're not, if you're just listening, go to our YouTube page and follow us. Subscribe, like and share. That's so important that you hit that, like, button today. Go back and share it with somebody else. We love you so much and we hope we're helping you, Ron. And hope unfiltered.