Round Table Panel | Calling All Queens

All right, well, here we are. So yeah, if you've never been to a Come Higher retreat— who in here has been to a Come Higher? Let me see your hands. It's hard to see up here. I know, it's very difficult to see. So yes, so there's, there's been hundreds of women because we've done them for 3 years and we take 10 to 12 women at a time. And we go to a beautiful— I always rent these gorgeous mansion homes and just luxurious. And I cook for you. You get good old southern cooking. And, uh, we rest. We minister. I go through a whole curriculum with you. And it's about 3.5 days. And we just minister to one another. It's really life-changing. So if you've never been to a Come Higher Uh, you need to sign up. We, we have probably 2 left this year in 2026 that are available. The other ones are filled up, but I would love to have you. Okay, so panel discussion. Here we have— all these are pastors' wives and pastors. So we have Dr. Ann Moore. Let's hear it for Dr. Ann! Pastor Rosemary Loya. All the fans, all the fans. Pastor Maribel, otherwise known as Nikki. Ah, Alanis! That's a whole story in itself, isn't it? These women are so special to me. These are local pastors' wives here in Texas that I've ministered in their churches several times, and they have become such great friends. We just call each other at times and cry and "Try not to cuss," and all those, you know, all those feelings that you feel like you need a safe place to vent. But I have watched them all at different times walk through painful, tragic, grieving times in their lives and still remain graceful, still lose it, but not lose their mind, right? And walk through tough times. So I wanted us to take this portion and just talk about how queens handle disappointment. Because, you know, you do know who you are in Christ. You will get that revelation. You'll start to learn it, to walk in it. But that does not mean that trouble doesn't hit your life. That does not mean that you don't want to slap somebody, right? That don't mean you don't ever want to quit. I mean, trouble comes to do those things to you, but how do we keep going, right? How do we walk through the tough times in life and still keep our crown on right, right? So we're going to talk about that. Disappointment is inevitable, right? So how does a queen process disappointment? And I know that you have gone through some tremendous grieving in the past years, losing grandchildren. Disappointment, I know, has happened in the last few months for you. How do you do it? What do you do? Where do you go? How do you process disappointment?

Gosh, I think that the biggest thing that I do— and I know this kind of is gonna sound a little cliché— but I just believe really that God is still in control of everything. And even though it might seem like you're walking through hell, yeah, he's with you, and you're gonna come out of it. You know, I mean, we went through 9 years of what I call hell, and I kind of had a talk with the Lord, and I said, okay, it's about time to stop this.

This season has to end.

Yes.

Yeah, I'm done with this. And me and my— a couple of my grandchildren got on the golf cart there at the church, and my husband, we got a big old bottle of oil And we drove around the parking lot and we drove around the house and we just anointed every gatepost and we said, "Today this stops." And it didn't.

But you know what?

We handled it in a whole lot different way. Because when you really truly believe that even though it seems bad and it seems like all kinds of things are going on in your life, and you believe that God is still with you and he's still working in you and it's all going to come out for his good, yeah, yeah, then you just kind of like, okay Lord, I don't know what you're doing right now, but, but I trust you. Yeah, I'm trusting you.

Yeah, it's, it's true. You know, trouble—

we're—

I'm walking through something right now. I'm walk— our family's walking through something that's very painful, um, but I trust him. Yeah. I trust God because I've seen him do it in the past. I've been serving him long enough to know. I've got a track record with him and his faithfulness and his goodness that I know that— I know the promises of God that he's given me over my children, over my grandchildren. So, you know, we start to panic when it happens to our children and our grandchildren. I mean, it just— hits us different when it's our family and we start to be like, oh, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. You know, you don't want anything bad to happen, but I have to remember the promises of God are yes and amen. And it's what we said last night. If I've seen God start a thing in their life, I know that God is going to finish it. It's already finished right it's already finished. So we got to know where to go and know who to trust. What about y'?

All?

Any disappointments you've walked through?

Oh my gosh, where do we start?

It's all been rainbows and butterflies.

No, no, I think we always have to be reminded that we don't operate in an— on an earthly kingdom. Yeah, we operate in a— from a different realm, from a different realm, in a heavenly kingdom. And so, uh, disappointment— we deal with disappointment not the way the earth or the world deals with it. And so it's not cliché because I think we all turn to God You know, and, and my answer was going to be trusting God ultimately. And I believe we— God allows us to go through things in life to refine us, to make us stronger, to build our faith, and to build our trust in him.

That's true. I know God, you know, he is the author and the finisher of our what? Our faith. And faith is a press. Faith is a stretch. Faith is having to believe what you cannot see. Right? You see the natural. You don't see the outcome. So that is a pull and a press of our faith. I wrote a book called, "If You Don't Fight, You Don't Win." And all through there I gave examples of the press is what fuels you. Right? It's David killing the lion, killing the bear, then killing Goliath. So it's a progression. It's a growing in your strength from your trials. Right, the good days don't make you grow. The good days just make you happy. Right. Yeah, you're building up your stamina. Any of you ever worked out? I didn't think so. But one time, one time when we did, um, but I know what the seasons that I did, you know, you, you're having to put weight and pressure on that muscle to build it. So it's the weight and the pressure in our life that if we don't resent it and we don't wig out over it, right? And we don't let it make us cuss people out, and we don't pass the test. If we embrace it for our good, it is always designed to make us better, right?

I'm just— really quick, Pastor, I think that the enemy knows where to hit us queens. He does, you know, and that's with our family, with our marriage, you know. It's like our soft spots.

It is.

But he doesn't realize that that's where we fight the hardest. Oh, that's where we don't give up. We're not going to give up. Like, devil, you ain't going to have my kids. Devil, you ain't going to have my marriage.

That's right. Amen. That's right. You can mess with anything. Don't mess with my kids and my man, right? My kids and my man. Fangs and fur come out. What about you, Pastor Maribel?

I've gone through many disappointments. But I think in the kingdom of God, we put ourselves in those situations sometimes, and sometimes they come unknown. Yeah, but it's when we're anchored in God that it doesn't matter. Hell or high water come against us. If you know that he's done it for you before, he'll do it again.

That's right.

But doesn't mean that we don't get weary.

We do.

We all do. We're human beings. We're going to go through the emotions. We're going to cry. We're going to scream. Yes, I want to cuss people out. But you know what? I'm not going to do that no more. Yeah, because those things can get us bitter if we don't let go of them. And I've learned that in life. Yes, we can stay bitter and that's a decision we decide to do, or we can go ahead and forgive and move forward.

Yeah.

And sometimes tragedy does come to our lives without nobody doing anything, because sometimes we think, well, what did I do, Lord? What happened? You know, did I miss it? Are you angry at me? No. Like we've heard all through the conference, God loves us.

Yeah.

The enemy comes against us because he has the people of the world. He's coming for the people in the church.

Yeah.

So that's what I've learned, that when we go through disappointment, I've learned to turn it around to, this is my growing spurt. What am I going to gain from this, Lord? Uh, this is okay. Where do you want me? This is the way I mature, then so be it. Yeah.

What about a season? Can you describe a season in your life where disappointment actually refined you rather than defeated you?

Um, well, you— disappointment, I think, is the hardest when your kids disappoint you. It's like, are you kidding me right now? Like, you know, and then as a pastor, you know, you work so hard at raising your kids in the Lord, in the fear of the Lord, and instilling the love of God and the Word, and so many things that we do as pastors to make sure that our kids stay in alignment with God. And, but when they disappoint you, it's like, oh my gosh, like, yeah, it's— that's the hardest. And my husband and I went through a season, um, with our eldest daughter that was in a, in a relationship, a very ungodly relationship. And, uh, we found out things that, I mean, as a parent, just really, really hurt us. And, um, I didn't turn to, uh, my family. I didn't turn to, um, a counselor. I mean, which is Fine, you can do that. I turned to God because I felt like what I was facing, nobody but God could help us with it, you know. And, um, and so I, I went through a season of fasting and praying. I'd never ever done that before, you know, but this was so critical in my life that I had— like, it's like when you have no other choice. That I was gonna fight for my daughter. And I went through a season of fasting and praying. And I'm gonna try not to get emotional because I fought for my daughter. And it was hard. And, and I get emotional because just a few months ago, she and I are driving I'm driving in the car, we're talking about the testimony because God did it, all right? God did it.

He did it.

He did it. But he's— we're just talking about it and she says, "Mommy, thank you for fighting for me." It's a word.

That's a word.

Yeah, you have to fight for your kids.

You do fight. Fight.

I, I was thinking about, um, I feel like, I feel like I was disappointed most with the Lord. And, and I, when I went through all that I went through, I just thought, how could you do this to me? I've been your servant. I've done everything that you ever wanted me to do. And I thought, how could you do this to me? And I— for those of you that are in the room that know, you already know me, but I lost my grandchildren. I lost my parents, my in-laws, all within 2 years. I fell and broke my leg a second time, along with my collarbone. And walked around on a walker and a wheelchair for I don't know how long. My granddaughter wanted to throw the wheelchair in the dumpster when I was done with it. That's why I'm wearing these beautiful shoes, because I lost the ability to wear my beautiful high heels. And during that time, I never told you, Hope, but I also wore a Band-Aid on my nose for about 4 months while I had skin cancer. And so it was pretty much hell on earth, and I was really mad at God. I, I— yes, I was like, "God, why did you do this to me?" And I realized he didn't do that to me. The enemy is after us, ladies. And you know, your crown, it may be bent, It may be a little twisted, but you're still wearing your crown. You're still a queen. You were called to be a queen, and it doesn't matter what the process is that you're going through. You're still a queen. Your crown just may not look the same as it did when it started.

That's polished.

So just polish it.

Come on, we can polish it up and make those jewels look gorgeous.

And And just a little FYI, you're all getting beautiful crowns tomorrow. So, so a little something to look forward to. We're going to have us a little crowning service tomorrow morning and anointing and going out in fire and revelation and know who you are with a shiny crown tomorrow. Let's talk about in relationships. In loyalty. Loyalty. How are queens loyal? What does loyal love look like in friendship, marriages, churches, leadership? What does loyalty look like as a child of God? Ladies?

To me, loyalty— first of all, my loyalty has to be to God.

Yeah.

You know, that's my first loyalty. Then comes people.

Yeah.

You know, as wives, we have to be loyal to our husbands. Sometimes it's rough being loyal, especially like I've heard some of the testimonies that the ladies that they spoke today. It's hard to stay loyal to somebody who's dishonorable to you. But when you make God your source, you're saying, okay, Lord, this is not no longer my life. I'm laying it down and I'm going to let you fight my battles. And it's hard when you see the person that you love has become an enemy to you. And I'm like, Lord, this is where— do I step out or do I stick it through? And I love what Kelly said because I have some of my ladies in my church going through this right now. And I always tell them, no, you don't leave. You stay there, you pray, and you fast. That's how we fight in the spirit. But you know what? In the end, if God— they're saying Well, God doesn't say anything. She said, if he don't say nothing, that means you don't move.

Yeah.

And so that's how we have to do things.

It's just like the GPS system in your car, right? If you're not supposed to change your interstate or your street, it's silent. You just keep going. You don't turn left or right until it says turn left or right. So if you don't hear anything, that means keep going on.

That means you're on the right track. That's what it means. When you don't hear anything, that means you're on the right track until you hear God say exit. Then that's a different story. But other than that, you stay the lane, you stay the course, you pray, you fast, you believe, you speak kind words where you don't want to say kind words. And sometimes it's better just to stay silent. And I'm learning that. I'm learning that as a pastor because it's hard.

So those of you who don't know Pastor Mary Belle, she is a firecracker. And I love her so much. Love her, love her, love her. So, I mean, loyalty— I mean, you know, sometimes people are loyal to a fault. You know, people say, "Well, that's my pastor and I'm loyal to them." And I understand leadership. I understand honor. But, you know, my, my take on loyalty, especially in church leadership, is it's more important who you're under than who you're over.

Yes, yes.

And who you're under, that oil flows down. The blessing or the cursing is going to fall on you, and you don't have to be loyal to somebody who is not loyal to God.

Exactly.

And I believe that you have to be extremely wise, and you can be under spiritual manipulation that you just need to be loyal to me because I'm leadership, right? But if it's not worthy or they're not serving the Lord, I really don't believe— I mean, just because they have a title?

No. I always say this, Pastor Hope. Observe their fruit. That's right, because people have, people have good words. They're, they can master manipulators with words, with attitudes. They can love on you. We know this as pastors. We see them coming sometimes. Yeah, you know, but you still love them because God still wants to deliver these people. Yeah, God still wants to set them free, but you have to use discernment. Yeah, and, uh, and like I said, in the body of Christ That's why this conference is very powerful, because we have to see ourselves as God sees us and as queens and believe. And doesn't mean that we don't see the things coming against us, but we still have to run the course and say, you know what, Lord, help me how to understand and love this person. Because it's hard to love some people, especially when they're dishonorable. You're trying to help them and they're dishonorable towards you. There's deception. There's gossip. You know, those things are not of God. Those are not queen things. I say it in the— like I say, that's ratchet. That's the world. We don't operate like that once you come into the kingdom of God. We have to change, repent, and do what God says to do, even when we don't want to.

And I love the example of, uh, the three Hebrew children, you know, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Who did everything that the king said until what he was asking was against the law of God. And so that's when you need to know the law of God. I love what you've been saying about the word of God. I love the word of God. And I mean, that's the measuring stick. You know, you have to measure what, uh, those that are above you are saying or telling you against the word of God.

Exactly.

And so, um, uh, the, the three Hebrew children said, okay, we've done everything else, but we will not bow down. Yeah, we will not bow down and worship you, worship these gods. And so you got to know the word of God, uh, just got to know it.

Yeah, got to know the word, got to meditate on it.

Yeah, that's right. What about how do we teach the next generation of women to value honor in a culture that celebrates dishonor?

I think by example. Yes, by example, you know. And then the Bible says, I believe it's in, um, in Titus, about that the older women— not that I'm old.

Well, but let's just go and be honest, we older than we used to be. We're older than we used to be.

We're young at heart.

We're older, just not old.

That's right, that's right.

We need to teach the younger generation, you know. We cannot stand back and watch this generation fall into the hands of the enemy.

Just—

and a lot of women are doing that. They're just like, oh well, it's just— oh, because they're Generation ZX, whatever they call them, you know. Oh, that's just the way they are. No, these are children of God. These are our children.

It's the measuring stick.

Measuring stick.

The Bible is the measuring stick. The generation element of P, XYZ, all the things you call yourself, that's not the measuring stick.

No, ma'am.

No.

And we've got to hold that standard.

Yes.

And we've got to teach them.

Yes.

We've got to be bold.

They've got to be teachable. Yes.

Yes. Teachable. They have to be teachable. Do they really want the truth?

Yes.

Because when they come to you and they say they want the truth, but when you start speaking truth, then they want to buck up against it, then okay, you're not ready for the truth, right? You're not ready to walk in it. But this is what we tell our church all the time. Honor is, uh, it's, it's respect, and it's demonstrated. Some people do it with words, but we always say honor is demonstrated when a gift is given, when it costs you something. Just like King David, he says, it cost me.

Me. Yes.

And so I know your birthday's coming, and I have a seat of honor for my woman of God.

Pastor!

And this is how you teach the next generation.

Wow, wow.

That's how I love you.

I love you. And, and I will tell you, the Alan family understands the principle of honor in gift giving. And I, I wouldn't—

I know, I forgot to tell you, street, you know. No, but Pastor Apostles checks there too. Every month we make sure to sow a significant seed into their ministry, because if you say they're your leaders, you're supposed to show honor and demonstrate it, not just talk about it.

Demonstration. Yeah, demonstration.

And they do. I mean, every month Pastor Gary and Maribel, there's a check in our mailbox to us personally. I mean, just— and they— on the check it says Honor Seed.

And I always tell people, I'm a low-maintenance person. I'm not a high-maintenance person. I don't go— I love this woman of God. Everything she's gone through, it's taught me something, you know, through— with her marriage, with her children, whatever it is, through her ministry. It's teaching me. I just watch and observe and I learn. That's how I operate. And—

but you're fun to go out with. I love having fun. So teach the next generation by example.

Yeah, you have to model it.

Yeah.

Yes, we're going to have to model it. And we can't model it if we're too busy doing our own thing and not modeling. If we're yelling at the police officer that pulled us over, if we're— because that's— hey, it's honor. It's ABC. We need to teach the next generation. And we, like, I would say like half of our staff is young people.

Yes.

And so teaching them is, you know, modeling that all the way through the staff. Also learning the husband and wife, my husband and I honoring each other as well so that they can see what a real what marriage is supposed to be like. Amen. Because a lot of times this, you know, the younger generation is getting married later and later and later. And then they have more problems because they don't— they're like, I was a single person so long, I don't even know how to be married. So that's just my soapbox. Sorry. We all say it differently. But anyway, I believe that we have to model that, that to our next generation. And I believe that they will turn around and understand honor. I know Uh, they're a generation of knowledge gainers, so they want to gain knowledge, and so they just need— yeah, they want to consume knowledge. And so it's, it's time for them to consume the knowledge of honor and respect. Hallelujah!

Yes, absolutely.

And I want to, I want to also mention that honor is just, just not about honoring to those that are above you or honoring God, but honoring down Honoring the people that are below you and honoring across your peers, you know, respect. That's what honor is.

It is. It really is. And I go out of my way for myself to, to love on them, to check on them. I go out of my way for my church people. I go stand in the foyer and that's— we've been doing this 35 years this year, but I still love to go in the foyer. And hug our people and meet people and be with the people. And I think that is a model. You know, sometimes in leadership, some people think they just are beyond that. No, you can never be beyond that. They've reached this spiritual place called there, divas, where they're more holy than the people, you know, and they're untouchable. And I think that was a culture that kind of happened Maybe back in the '80s, '90s, I'm not sure. And we fell in that trap for some years, maybe about 10 years, but it was what we were taught by some people in ministry. And it just never felt right to me. It just felt so elitism and just like you were untouchable. And then my life crumbled. And I was like, wow, that didn't work. That wasn't right. And I was like, you know, I just— I'm just one of you. You know, I can't help he picked me to be married to Ron. I can't help it. You know, I'm the pastor's wife. I know it's an honor, but I'm just one of you. And I think that, yes, thank you for honoring us as your leaders, but we love you. We up on this stage love our people. And I hope you know that, and I hope you feel that love and honor right back to you. So one more question. If you could speak to a woman who feels like she's lost her crown because of disappointments, betrayal, or waiting, what would you tell her? Feel like she's just like so far off track.

I would say you haven't lost your crown. It's just being refined, you know, like God is going, you're going through the process and God is refining it. He's making it better. He's adding a jewel here and there because he's, no, he knows you've got the fight in you. He knows that you're going to do amazing, that you're going to pull through, that you're going to get to the other side. And so, um, and I want to just tell the women that know other women who feel that way, you need to help them find their crown. You need to remind them that they've not lost their crown, that they're queens, that they are loved by God, and just love them and understand them.

Yeah, I think with women sometimes, you know, women can be catty. You know women, those other women, not us. But you know, sometimes women can be catty and they can be trifling and just mean, you know, the mean girl syndrome. But you know, a real powerful woman is one who loves on and uplifts other women. I think that just makes you so much brighter and so much stronger when you can just help other women rise and not try to step on top of them to get to the top. And, you know, if we would all be, you know, locked arm for each other, we'd all rise together, right?

I would tell the ladies if you feel you've been stripped of your crown, you haven't.

Yeah.

Once God gives us our gifts and our callings, they're irreversible. Yeah, they're yours. They're yours to keep. Yes, disappointment comes, discouragement, trials and tribulations might come. Our crown might get a little bent, twisted, like we said. But you know what? It's not taken.

No.

Why don't we see it as God refining us in that moment so we won't misrepresent him? You know, I always look at things like Okay, what am I learning from this, Lord? Why am I here right now? And I'm not going to put the blame on nobody. I always check myself.

Yeah.

Okay, why am I here? And sometimes I'm here because God is saying, I need to refine you in these areas so you can teach the next generation when they're going through something you've already gone through. It's good.

Pastor, Pastor Ann, I would say this, um, My mother always told me this when I lost something. She said, "Ann, it's still in this world, so just call it home." And your crown has not left this world, ladies, so just call it home. Don't allow the loneliness and the isolation and all the things that that the enemy does to you when you're going through something to keep you from picking that crown back up, because it's somewhere. You just, you just set it down.

Yeah.

Pick it up, put it on, and never take it off again.

That's right. You know, I, I just get the image of, you know, if we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, if you keep your— have you ever worn a crown? I won some pageants back in the day when I was skinty and little, didn't have 3 chins and rolls under my eyes. But you have to be very careful with your head wearing a crown. You can't sling your neck and pop your neck. Pull your hair. You have to be very poised to keep the crown on straight. So I believe God's looking for some women who can go through hell with your head on straight and your eyes fixed on Jesus. And not let what you're going through get you disheveled and let that crown fall off your head. Most of the time we lose our crown because we start pulling our hair and snapping our neck, right? And we forget who we are, and queens don't act like that. Queens don't act like that. People's watching you if you're a queen. You've got children who are watching your example. You've got daughter-in-laws who are watching your example. You've got friends and family who are watching you go through the fire. They're watching you in the furnace of affliction to see how you handle yourself. You say, "Pastor Hope, that's a lot of responsibility. That's a lot of pressure." Yeah, but His grace is sufficient. His grace is sufficient. So keep your head straight. Keep your eyes on Jesus and he'll get you through. I love you. I want you to go have a great afternoon, get some rest. Inner Circle, let's meet back in this, uh, premium lounge in 5 minutes. All right, I love you. I'll see you there. Thank you, ladies.