Sex After Marriage | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Hello everybody. It's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real raw and relevant. I have no idea what this dude's doing over here with his eyes. Head down. Are you tired? You can't be tired.

I'm scared of this topic.

You went to bed early last night with me and I was so proud of you.

You Talked me into 10 o'. Clock.

A miracle. A miracle.

We negotiated and I went to bed early.

We did not negotiate.

We did.

I said go to bed.

That was not what exactly happened. Anyway, you're leaving out our audience on the real raw and irrelevant part.

No.

Why are you wanting me to go to bed early? I don't go to bed early. And I said, it will cost you dearly.

Cup. Swallow that out of your mouth, baby.

I have been dealing with a sickness.

Yeah, but you're going.

I've been dealing with a sickness. I'm having to do this. Keep my voice. Stop licking in my teeth. What?

Stop.

Okay, well, this goes hand in hand with our topic.

Does it? No, it don't.

Yes, it does. You know, it looks like that right there.

We're talking about sex after marriage.

But now. What if we got singles?

Or the lack of.

What if we got singles?

Singles. They need to hear this. They need to know what it's really going to be like once they get married.

Are we a good barometer though? Are we a good measuring stick?

Ron, I can't even look at you right now with that thing in your mouth.

Maybe if I chew it, it's going to go through the microphone.

Take it out.

I don't have nothing to spit it on.

Okay, we're gonna.

I'm chewing. You should get rid of it.

Okay, go ahead.

I got one more half.

Okay. We're talking about sex after marriage.

I'm aware of that.

Uh huh. We've been married almost 34 years, Ron. We got a lot to say about this subject.

Yep, but you wanted to have sex before marriage and I wouldn't.

My God.

That's why we wanted to have so much after marriage is because I wouldn't let you before me.

Is that right?

Yep. I wanted to remain.

Did you not want to have sex before we got married?

Of course.

I'm not talking about your desire.

Run. No. I was a church boy. I was saved.

You are a liar.

Yes. You were saved and filled with the Holy Ghost.

And that's the thing. You were saved.

I was saved. I was sanctified. No, I was sanctified.

Not fully, no.

You're a good boy.

You were filled with the Holy ghost, Ron. But you still wanted to have sex? I didn't say we did. But you wanted to.

Maybe. I really didn't. I really didn't. I didn't come to a good time afterwards.

Really.

When we said I'd do it, hit me.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful?

That's when it hit me.

That would be amazing if God would do it that way. But he don't.

So we dated three and a half years. I call it the great tribulation period. And we were. At times. We met when hormones were high.

Yes, we did.

18 and staying true. I'm sure we crossed the lines in somebody's minds, but having sex, we did never do that. And I'm telling you, that was rough because we went to a small school. We went to a small school in Georgia, and it was a small school. Kind of really exacerbates and multiplies your dating experience.

We were together 24 7.

Yeah. I mean, we were already paying each other's bills, working, pulling our money, breakfast, lunch, dinner. You already, by the time we were dating, had my car keys and my checkbook, and some things haven't changed at all. And so, you know, you was doing my clothes. I was out working two or three jobs. We did every. I told somebody, I said we were doing all the stuff a marriage couple does except have the good stuff. Yeah. We weren't allowed to do the fun stuff, but we were doing everything else. But one thing I am proud of. We didn't do that. Didn't say we didn't want to.

You did say you didn't want to, but we.

I'm changing right now. I'm coming clean. We didn't do that. But I want to talk. You know, this is not what our talk was about. But that was rough. That was rough. It is rough because we were serious. We loved Jesus.

Knowing we're getting married, trying to stay pure.

That's when it got worse, I think. After we got engaged. Would you agree it got worse after we got engaged? It got worse because I knew I was marrying you. I didn't have. No. I didn't have a plan B. I don't plan on having several marriages. I knew I was getting married. You knew you were getting married? We were madly in love, and we were together a lot. I mean, we even traveled and sung and preached together. When I'm talking about. We were together after classes on Friday. We would pack up the car, drive somewhere, and I would preach a revival for the weekend. And you were like the singer and the worship leader.

Right. And we'd have to stay at.

Yeah, we stayed at Preacher's house in two different bedrooms. We were together all the time. And that made things very, very difficult because you were very, you were a very beautiful, attractive lady and I was.

A what was I very good looking attractive lady.

Well, I was 19 when I met you. I was 19. Yeah, I was 19 years old. So I mean, that's right when you know everything in your body's buzzing about that time. So I'm not going to lie. We might do a dating thing. I don't want to just. I know we got a lot of our audiences, probably our age or older, and I don't want them to say, well, I don't need to listen to this one, but we might craft together some dating things. I think we got some things to say. We do when it comes to that because it can be accomplished. There's no more red blooded American boy than me. But I do know that if you.

Said you had a lot of self control.

If you said, are you being funny?

No, I'm saying you had a lot of control and you had a real relationship with the Lord to where you.

That created those boundaries.

Created boundaries.

And here again, it didn't mean I didn't want. You didn't mean I didn't want to. There were boundaries of right and wrong that meant a lot to me and they meant a lot to you. And we were able to survive that three and a half years. And then, you know, I made up, if I remember right, for the whole three and a half years on our wedding night.

Oh my God, help us all in one night.

You reaped the benefits, really, of three years.

Really?

And one, Ronald, it was like a miraculous night.

It was miraculously quick.

I will say that. Baby, I was excited to be married. I said I was excited to be married. Oh my God, I was just excited to be with you.

Oh, geez. I remember you said to me, you said, I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you tomorrow.

Hey, was the next day better?

Yeah, it was a little better.

Next day better. It was like four and a half minutes. We doubled our time. We went from two to four minutes.

I'm done with you right now, baby.

I was just super excited. You were. I was so happy.

So happy. But you tell this funny little joke at the marriage conference, won't you tell it to our listeners?

No. There's certain foods you have to watch out for.

Is it certain foods?

Yep. There's foods you have to Watch out for that. It is clinically proven that really can destroy or inhibit sex drive. And they don't tell you that while you're dating. They only tell you that when you get older.

Because we're talking about sex after marriage.

Sex after marriage. And so, you know the one food they said that is just a sex drive killer that I would like to acknowledge and encourage people to try to stay away from is wedding cake.

It destroys sex drive.

It destroys sex drive. Yes. Don't eat the wedding cake. Your sex drive will remain high until you eat the wedding cake. When you eat the wedding cake, it's a sex drive destroyer.

But isn't that a funny thing?

Let's talk about first thing, sex after marriage. First season, five years without kids. Expectation versus reality. Don't hurt my feelings.

That's what I'm saying.

Don't embarrass me.

Isn't that a funny thing, though? You're about to die to have sex when you're not supposed to. And you get married and you're like, life hits. Life hits.

Yeah, life hits.

Yeah.

And we come out the gate. We come out of the gate and full blown, nobody comes out of the gate and starts a business. We got married and started a business. So we got married with no income, Right. So we immediately turned into, you know, Christian hustlers. Hustling.

I hate that word.

You know what I'm talking about. You taught voice lessons. I know you. You worked in an apartment complex. I was preaching everywhere and I say, for $50. I remember people would give me $50 if I'd speak to the youth group. $25. That's what I'm talking about when I say hustlers. Not in the negative, but we were hustling. We were just trying to make. Trying to make it. And so we come right out of the gate. A lot of people, you know, get married. Especially, I've noticed on the west coast, their career and then they circle back. So I mean, they. They're advanced in their career.

They might have some money in the.

Bank, eight or nine years old, money in the bank. Some of them own houses. And then they circle back. Because you see guys on the west coast out here where we're filming from this time, you see guys 42 years old, rocking a baby in their arms.

Yeah, I can't imagine that.

And 42 years old, all our kids were in college or getting married. And so I have noticed East Coast, west coast, there is a different dynamic. But we came out of the gate hustling. That probably was not the smartest way to do it, but you knew what you was getting into. You knew how I was built, you knew I was not a company man and I was not a system guy. And so I immediately, even though I love my parents and everything, I wanted to get out of it, which meant we had no support, right? And so, so it was hard. And now I remember sex after marriage, stress on the woman, sex drive goes down, Stress on the man, sex drive goes up. Not compatible to man, to, to women. There is a desire for uniqueness. There's a desire to be special. There's a desire. There's no woman like me. There's no one you feel about like you feel about me. There's some things other than the physical pleasure that a woman wants to leave soulishly from that event. With men, that event is so much of a release to a man. So when his stress level goes high, that becomes a great form of release. I heard Cheryl Brady say one time, I never forgot it, said, a woman is a man's sedative. That is such a true statement because I said when they couldn't nobody calm me down, you can look me in the eyes and calm me down.

But the same woman who can calm.

You down can row you up, can row you up. But you can when you see something in my eyes, you see me mad, you see something scare me, you can come up, you can put your hand on me, you can let me rot my eyes, and you can bring me right back down.

I think that's because you've talked about this several times from the pulpit, that the name for woman is the same.

Name for Holy Spirit.

For Holy Spirit.

He's a comforter.

He is the comforter.

He's a comforter, he's a helper, he's all these other things. So what God called the Holy Spirit, he called the woman to the man. And I know that you are that to me. I know that a woman in her truest sense of her nature can function like that. So I would say in that first season, married, no kids, we were somewhat in a survival mode. We lived in really dumpy places. We didn't have money for vacations or groceries. Yeah, we just didn't. We had to enjoy each other because there were not activities really we could engage in. An activity for us was enough gas in the car to go on a drive.

So you thought I was your only Disney World?

Well, I loved you enough for you to be my Disney World. And you know, so I enjoyed those experiences with you. But I do remember we were stressed. I remember stress working on you. I remember you having some intestinal problems because of that level of stress. And I remember for the first time I had to be cognizant of the fact, you know, when you're dating, it seems like you're on all the time, man and boy to me. You know, if we ever started kissing or something, it was immediately we had to start putting boundaries in place and everything else because it just seemed like the switch is there when stress hits. That is just not the case. And it don't mean you love me less than you did before we were dating. I think you loved me more.

I think it's just harder for a woman.

But you were finishing school too.

Yeah, because we can't compartmentalize like y'.

All feel like everything is.

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So second stage of marriage, kids. That's a whole.

Oh, goodness gracious. It's hairy, scary. It's just crazy.

I think this is where the compartmentalism conversation comes in real big. Another thing not prepared for. Nobody taught me. That's why our marriage conference is so good. I'm just going to tell you. We go back and tell all these things to nobody who told us. And these things across the board applicable to everybody. They weren't a run and hope thing. These are everybody things. And so let me talk about the compartmentalization, the biological makeup, psychological makeup of the man and the woman when you were dating. Hope. It's funny, but I'm being serious at the same time. I could start kissing you and you didn't give a crap where we were. You didn't care. You didn't care if we was in the woods, in the car. You didn't care if I was in a mall. I remember sitting there waiting, getting table at a restaurant. One time I just reached over and laid one on you and you laid it right back. I mean you just. I don't know. Youth, carefree. I don't know what it is. It just didn't matter. You never said don't kiss me here. I don't ever remember hearing that one time.

One is immaturity and that is youthfulness.

Immaturity, youthfulness. And I'll chalk it all up to that. And we were crazy about each other. We were a little different. We were. A lot of people dated. We were nuts about each other.

Public displays of affection, what other people thought, our reputation.

But let me tell you about how that changes compartmentalization. Men just don't understand. Well, when we were dating you would. And when we were dating you didn't seem to care because they take it personal. But it's something that is happening inside the woman. Especially when kids come. The woman becomes so connected environment. She is connected to her surroundings. Yes, everything, everything matters. And everything goes right into that sex bed. It's the dangerous thing. Men can take everything, put it in.

A box and take it out of the bed.

They can just got the worst news they've ever gotten. But if a Sexual opportunity is at hand. They can take that thing, seal it up, put it in a vault, set it over there, and act like it does not even exist. Okay? Not so for a woman, you know, Ron, would you. That place back there, that hole back in the back of the house. You know, I hate mice. I want to get that place taken care of and get that baseboard put back over it because I'm scared mice is going to get back in here. Okay, If a month has gone by and that has not been done and you want sex, let me tell you something about her sexuality and what you have not done with that little hole where mice come in, are connected and almost one.

Yep.

It is amazing. It is. A man can be in the middle of lovemaking, and you can think you are just doing the most amazing job, and she'll look right in your eyes and say, did you cut the oven off?

You're like, did you put the dishes in the dishwasher? Like you said?

What. What? Did you. Did you check on the kids or all the kids? I mean, right in the middle. I don't mean at the beginning or what. I mean, right in. Did you check. Did you cut the kids lights off? And I'm like, at that moment, Hope, you got to understand, the man don't even realize that y' all have kids.

Ron.

He's like, we have children. What's their names? I don't even remember their names at that moment, you know? And, you know, I saw the Viagra commercial one time, and they said, you know, if you get lightheaded or you get blurry vision and all that stuff, you probably don't need to take it. I thought, well, that's been happening to me for about 30 years. I get blurry vision, lightheaded. If I agree, I don't know what I would do. I have moments where I don't know where I am. I have moments where I don't know what's going on. I have times where I look at you and say, what just happened? You know?

So anyway, see, ladies, ladies, you aren't the only one. It's all the men. It's all the men.

That's something that I was not prepared for, because that was the beginning of the stage where you still had the ability. Let's talk really real, okay? You still had the ability to give great sex, but I had to get you out of that environment. Up till then, I had never had to do that. Our little apartment.

And you took it personal.

To be honest, I didn't understand. I didn't understand because, you know, I come up and I grab you and you, like, swat my hand down. I'm like, why? Because the baby's up here in the bathtub, Ron. Everything just changes.

Yep.

You're connected to the baby. And then I go back to when we were dating. You were connected to the baby.

Then I get mad at you. I'm like, you not connected to the baby. You don't care.

Not when it comes to that. No, we're not. We're not. I can take the baby, pull the curtain. I'll see you in a few minutes. You know, we can do that, and we can do it so easy. And we'll let the oven keep running and we'll let the mice keep coming in. Because at that moment, you know, we're like a light switch. Yes. It's on or it's off. I've told you. A woman.

Why did God do this?

A woman has. A woman is like the cockpit of a 747. There's so many buttons.

Yep.

Okay. You get over here to man. It is a light switch. It's on or off. And if you, being a beautiful woman who I'm deeply in love with, if you turn me on at that point, nothing else matters at that point, until that expression has completed itself, then I can go back to whatever it is.

So how do we live together in peace? We are so, so different.

We negotiate and we talk and we learn, just like we're doing. What are we teaching them? What we've learned. So we negotiate, run to sit and personal. Because it feels like rejection. I didn't say it was, but you got to understand. Okay, let's get in my world. To the man getting told no or getting his hands swatted down or I'm in here cooking. Don't mess with me. That feels like rejection. It's not. It's. You're connected to something else at that moment, and that's not where your mind is.

So maybe we need to send this to all the men. They need to learn.

Well, I'm telling you about me, too. You need to learn me. It feels like rejection.

I've already learned you.

What did I tell in the marriage conversation?

I've already learned you.

But what did I tell women in the marriage conference?

You got to be conquerable.

You got to be conqueror with that. Sometimes a man is a hunter, and we can't live with somebody that can't be conquered. There's got to be a time where there is a spontaneity. There's got A time where you turn around and say, I'm turning these beans off. It's right now, homie.

Oh, my goodness.

I mean, it's right. There's got to be times where you grab my tie and just pull it up and choke and yank me on into the ride. Ronald. Yep. And you got to do it right then. Why? Because that makes our dreams come true. And it makes us feel like this.

It makes all our dreams come true.

Makes us feel like this right here.

It makes all our dreams come true.

Makes us feel like Herculee. Hercule.

Herculee.

Herculee. Okay, So I do. I get on the men and the women. I try to help the men understand the compartmentalization part, how the woman's connected. But I turn around and tell the woman, listen, man, you gotta be seducible. You gotta be conquered sometime. We can't live with something that can never be conquered. And so I think, hope it's always. We also do a thing in our marriage conference, and this isn't a marriage conference, promotional, but we do a thing on how to argue. In other words, you know, nobody can come into anything who wants all the chips on their side of the table.

To win all the time. I lose all the time.

I can't. The only time you and I are ever intimate is when I can take you on a vacation. Okay? That's not reality. And on most people's pocketbooks, it sure isn't a reality. Okay? With kids, it's just not. At the same time, there's got to be an understanding. When you're cooking and there's a kid over there in the high chair, me. And there's another one watching. Yeah. I can't come up there and start rubbing you all strategically and expect a positive response.

Right.

It is a negotiation. It is a meeting in the middle. And it is an understanding of each other and where you are. Now, what was one of your nicknames? Let's just tell everybody one of the big. You've got a lot of them but you.

I'm not telling it. You tell it.

County Line.

He calls me County Line because if.

I ever got you out of town.

What happens when he takes me out of town?

If I ever got you out of town. Now, I used to think it was just getting you out of town. It has nothing to do with getting you out of town, because I've seen you love me at a Ritz Carlton, and I've seen you love me at a Holiday Inn. So I'm realizing, okay, it don't really have nothing to do with the place. What it has to do with is I have disconnected you from responsibility, from everything that pulls on you.

And we are not saying this, that the men are these hound dogs all the time, 100%. Sometimes in marriage it's reversed. I've known, you know, we've had.

These are generalities.

Yes, but there are people who really struggle where the woman is the aggressor and the man's not. We're talking about it doesn't matter which one is. You both have to negotiate.

So I never finished how to argue. When you argue, number one, stick to the issue. Don't be one of these people. It turns into personal attacks and you end up talking about each other's mama. No, we're talking about the fact we ain't had sex in two weeks. That's the issue. Okay, why? Why in you, why in me? Why? And then number three, negotiate. And then the final stage is you come to some level of compromise. Okay, I understand that, you know, when you first wake up in the morning, you just really are not into it. Right? Okay, I get that. That's compromising. And then you understand, like, baby, I understand. You know, Sundays for you are a very stressful day and you'd love to have spend Sunday evenings with me instead of me going out with my girlfriends. Talking.

Yeah, Communicating.

Communicating.

So key saying what you really feel.

Now we.

And being honest.

We're going to go to some people and I can hear the 25 year olds who are just getting marri. They're sin.

What?

Yuck. But now you and I are peaking in our years of influence. Our schedule is unlike anything I've ever seen. I'm just going to be honest with you. It's never been like this for me or you. We're really having to work it and massage it and people just really don't know. They just see you over here and they see you in this state and they see you on this person's Instagram. They see you in this green room, they see you holding up this book. I think they think it just happens. No, there is a grind.

It's quite a nightmare that I wouldn't.

Trade places with anybody. But to think all this stuff is just happening when we're just preaching in Greenville and here's our church, preach in California and here's our church. Yeah, I mean, there is a grind to it. Having said that, you and I have actually had talks about, you know, what our needs are and how many times, you know, a week or how many times A month.

We actually had to have that discussion even early on, you know, we had.

That discussion a week that you felt like you needed it. And I think you said 13.

Oh, my gosh. I think that might have been you.

I think we settled on 13.

No, tell them how many times you pursue.

I think it was twice a day and once on Sunday.

Thirteen, tell them how many times you pursued me last year for sex.

Last year I attempted to have sex 365 times with hope. I succeeded 61. About 90 of those I was told I have a headache.

Oh, my goodness.

There's another 58 times where I was told it's too late. There's about another 70 to 75 times I was told, not now.

Oh my gosh, or not here, not here.

And then the rest of the times, like 125 times, I was told, is that all you ever think about?

And you said yes.

So I made 365 attempts.

The struggle is real.

Yep, it is struggle. It is a struggle.

That's real.

So the compartmentalization, the getting out of town, you got the nickname County Line. I used to, like, would save every penny just to get you out of town because it was so different. Hope, can we talk? The lovemaking was so different. The level of passion and involvement was so different. And I didn't know the dynamic behind that. I literally thought it was a place.

No.

If I can get her there. No, it really, it had nothing to do with distance or whether it was an island or whether it was a mountain.

Disengaging your mind. Yes, disengaging.

I always put the burden on the man. The Bible says to dwell with her with knowledge. So you have to be a lifelong student of your woman. She don't have to be a lifelong student of you.

No. Because there's not much to know.

Honestly, you are much simpler creation. You are much easier to understand. But a woman is not simple. I think a woman needs to know. You are not simple. I think you need to know that you have to be studied in order for us to get you. And sometimes we still don't get you. And you know, with a man, yes is yes, no is no. With a woman, you don't know if it's a real no. You don't know if it's a real yes. It can be something in the middle.

Because we want you to already know it.

There's all kind of things going on there, which means I become a student of hope. Now, I'm going to tell you, I've taken that Verse? Seriously?

Yep. You know me pretty well, Ronald.

I do. There's a few times I didn't have a clue what was going on inside of you. And I look at you confused. But over time, and I think that's here again. That's one of the great parts.

I think that is. That is a beautiful. The joy of discovery, of marriage is you don't know it all when you first get married. And I think that's why so many people ended up in divorce, is because they give up on the journey when they get frustrated or they hit roadblocks, or they reach arguments that can't find a resolve. But that's the beautiful thing about marriage is the discovery, the learning, the growing together, the becoming one.

You say the discovery, the discovery, emotionally, all of it. You're on a cycle. Yeah, okay. You're on a cycle. I'm not that cycle. There are things you have a greater propensity to be interested in at different times than at others. I have had to dwell with you, with knowledge. Understand your body is on a cycle. God put it on one.

Certain times of the month the emotions are high.

Exactly right.

Other times they're low.

Here again, the burden is on the man to dwell, to know you biologically.

And every woman is different.

There's some men that just frustrate a woman because they do not know how to be sexually intimate with a woman. They just know self gratification. And so it's just a big ball of frustration for a woman. Why? Because he does not know her anatomy, he does not understand her biology, how God put her together. All these things are. Listen, not a begrudging, grinding journey. A beautiful. Yeah, it is beautiful journey. That's why I've heard you say several times lately, because you've been doing a lot of interviews. You say you're having your best life in your 50s. Explain that.

I just think.

And why do you think that is?

Well, many reasons. Mainly because I went on a healing journey, you know, years ago, 12, 13 years ago, and dealt with me, got to the bottom of me, got some healing, some real true healing. And so then I really felt like I started living the life God had called me to live. We started living out of purity. We started living out of honesty. We started. I started speaking the truth in love. I didn't hide, I didn't go underground. And I think God can work through that. And I think we're happier than we've ever been. We're more truthful than we've ever been. And we're flourishing. We've learned so much.

I mean, you're.

Once you hit 55 years old, you've been through some things.

There's a lot in the rearview mirror.

There's a lot in the rearview mirror. So we've learned so, so much.

So we went through that first stage of you probably still a little bit like rabbits, Ain't got no kids, ain't got a lot of responsibilities. Finally you've got sex in its proper context, which is marriage. So it's a carryover from the hormonal dating stages. Then you hit that kid stage.

Life sets in. Not even before you have kids. Life sets in and then you come home and you're like, dang, I thought I'd be having more sex than this. But you're not.

The compartmentalization of the career kids, where I'm just connected. I can't, I can't have sex till I answer these emails.

Yeah.

Because while I know that I got those 22 emails I got to respond to, it's hanging over my mind. That is a very real thing for a female. A guy does not even know he has a computer at that point because once he gets turned on, that's all he thinks about and nothing else matters. So I would go to the third stage. Okay. I don't want to make us old fogies because I think you and I really intentionalize relevancy to young couples and young crowds and surround ourselves with young people. I think that's important. However, then you get to those menopausal years where your childbearing days are over. There's a double whammy going on. One of them is a blessing, One of them is difficult, difficult. The menopausal stages are with a man. It could be starting the first time ever deal with some dysfunction. And then secondly. But you're empty nesters, so you're not attached to all these responsibilities. A lot of them are gone, but your body has changed.

Your body is not doing exactly what you want it to do all day.

Your body's changed. You have retained so much of your beauty. But a lot of women are. After that 30 year haul is over, they're embarrassed of what their body looks like. And you can't be void of letting your husband see your body. Your husband is very optical. He is very visual. And although you don't think you're pretty, you understand you're pretty to him. And you are the only woman biblically he is allowed to look at. And I've told the people in the marriage conference, I said, ladies, I Said, you know, if you don't want him to see you, and as soon as you get out, you wrap yourself in a towel. And as soon as that, you throw on your house coat. And as soon as your house coat, you throw the covers over the house coat.

Don't you? You love them.

I can't stand them. And I said, if you do that and you never let him see you, I said, he's built to look.

So then he'll be tempted.

That's exactly right. He's built to look. But you won't let him look at you. He's forbidden to look at porn. Where does he go? And women got to understand. You know what?

We're afraid if we let you just look or sneak a peek, it won't stop there.

It's probably not.

Oh, we can't just let you look.

Let us be.

Just look and then go back to.

What you were doing. Let us be this.

Oh, my God. This.

Let us be this. Let us be great. Yes.

Let us be great. Let us conquer crazy.

Yes.

This has been awesome.

We ain't finished.

We're not.

Talk about bathing suits over 50.

No, we're not.

Why?

No.

Why?

Ron, baby?

They need to know. Because it'll help some of these people.

You tell them.

Okay, we have three bathing suit drawers. We have a Chester drawer up against the wall in front of the bed, and at the bottom, it has three rows of drawers. On the left is the public, the public collection. And we do one piece. We have a pool. We have people over. We entertain, we cook out. We do go on trips sometimes other couples, other preachers, and preachers wives are there. Sometimes we're at conferences, and everybody after classes all day, they'll say, let's go hit the pool a while. So we have to have the public collection. It's a one piece, but in the middle is the Ron Collection. The Ron Collection is very different from the public collection. I won't go into all the way. Why, but it's good to have these different collections. Okay, you can't.

Ladies, what is this? Why do I wear these?

Ladies, you can't let his personal collection be your church collection. They have to be two separate drawers.

Okay, so what is the Ron Collection? Is that when we're together, just me and you at the beach?

The Ron Collection is when we're at our own pool or when we're at the podcast. And we got this one little island we go to, and with the room we get actually has a private little pool around it. And we go there, those are the Ron collections. But then there's this third drawer, and I've named it, you know, I've named it straight up skank. As what? I've just named it Just.

Just straight up skank. When do I wear that, though? Ron. I mean, the other one Ron collection was just me and you.

Those are when it's just me and you. And I can talk you into it, right?

That might be once or twice a year. And you can talk me into it.

That's after I've taken you shopping or I know there's something you want really back, and I use it as a wagering tool.

That ain't even biblical.

You want those shoes? Okay, put on that green one. Do you know the third drawer right over there, the skank drawer?

That's not even biblical.

Okay, somebody. I remember one time, me and you, you know, when you started. We started being pastor and pastor's wives. You just. I just told you, you came out one time and one of them little skirt things and I said, look, baby, I'm not going down like that. I'm not growing old with these little skirt bathing suits. I said, I'm just not. And you looked at me frustrated. You said, ron, what kind of bathing suit do you like? And I said, baby, I like. I like those bathing suits that look like they just struggling.

All right, guys.

I like the ones that you see tension.

This is rotten hope unfiltered.

That's for the third stage.

What?

The menopausal stages. What are some of the things that change during that stage? To me, to me, when some of those cycles were finished. Because you did have a hysterectomy.

I did.

Which put you in an early menopause. I would tell people who are house full of kids, career stress, compartmentalization. We don't have a lot of money to get babysitters. It's hard to get away. I would tell you to hold on.

You have to hold on.

Because, listen, that empty nest. All these cycles are finished. But that is a good season.

It is a good season. But I will. I want to encourage you. If you're in your 20s, 30s, you got young kids, guys, you have got to set aside time and money for dates. You have got to. You got to invest in each other. You can't just say, I'm going to hold on. I'm going to be frustrated. This is the way I am. We got kids in the house. No, you got to invest in each other. I mean, if it's only once a month and you set aside time to get babysitter for two hours. You know, go to the Motel 6, do whatever.

You got me in with this. Do you think I need to tell them that advice that old man gave me that time by keeping a good marriage healthy? Long time.

You shouldn't, Ron.

Okay. No, I think it's sound advice, but go ahead. Sage advice.

We are not.

It's real raw and relevant only for certain audience. Sage advice.

Anyway, you have to take time. You really do. Because that is nothing but a playground for the devil. If you don't. You have to. You have to invest in.

Can I say it's. Can I say, honestly, there's a propensity for the women to almost lose sight of that part of her life almost altogether. Totally.

Because she feel like my kids are first. I got to invest in them. I got to spend time with them.

You're nursing. Yeah, it's a pull. Everything's a pull. Everybody needs you.

Homework.

And all of a sudden, sex from him has become another need in your.

Long line of needs, and you're spent. You're done. You're done. You're tired. So you have to set aside and focus. Okay, next Tuesday. Okay, next Friday. We got our date night. And you know, it's on and popping.

The phone is down.

Yes.

And it's full attention on each other, and it's bringing back the reminder to each other everything else going on in life. You are still.

Yes. Number one.

You're still number one. I like that. I hope some of our comedy has helped you out a little bit. I'm not trying to preach and do. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I don't want this to ever sound like we're reading it from a book, but a lot of this has come from what we've learned from books, what we've learned from counsel, and what we've learned in life, unfortunately, from experience. And many of those experiences being negative. But I hope that it's helped you a little bit. And we always try to do it in a real way where we can catch a few laughs along the lines. Look, guys, we need you to like it. We need you to subscribe. If you're watching this by YouTube, we need you to get down in the comment section. I want you to tell other people about it because this is what gets it on more people's radar. It's what helped make it successful. And. And quite honestly, it helps us pay the bills. So do what you can.

So much going on. Want to let you know if you want some mentorship, if you want somebody to lock arms with you and do life with you. I want to be that person in your life. Go to hopesinnercircle.com hopesinnercircle.com and my brand new book is out.

And if they sign up for that, what will you do with the book?

You get the book for free. You get the book and the first.

Month of the inner circle's free, right?

Free for a month.

So you can try it out and say, this is for me. This is not for me. Whatever.

I want to help you.

It's hard to beat that. And of course, we always got church. We always got tv, we always got social media. We always got this. We're doing a lot of things. We love you guys. And until next time, it's Ron and.

Hope Unfiltered, real, raw and relevant.