Surviving Single | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign.

Hello, everybody. This is Running Hope. Unfiltered, but there's no run. It's just Hope. But I have some awesome guests here today. This is Alexa Campbell, Teresa, Teresita, These are some. Some gentlemen and ladies on our staff. And I just had a bright this week. I said, and Tracy, you and I have talked about this so many times, haven't we, that we should do a podcast about dating and surviving dating in, you know, 20, 24.

Very different.

Very, very different. Because you and I are not in our 20s. We're not like these guys are. They're in their 20s. No, I'm 50. Almost 56 years old. You're 78. I'm sorry. I'm just kidding.

82.

82. No, she' 60. So, you know, and it's different. Yeah. I mean, we didn't have cell phones in our day.

Did not. No talk on the phone and that long.

Course. That's right.

Conversation.

Absolutely. Because your mama was listening in the other room.

Sure.

What?

Sure was. And let you know it. And you better not say anything about it. And no Internet, you know, no swiping, none of that stuff. I mean, if you were going to meet somebody in dating, it better be in your hometown.

Yes.

Right.

At school, three friends, family. Yes.

That was it. We didn't have a lot of options. I'm glad I got the golden goose, though. I didn't have a lot of options, but man. Man, I hit the jackpot.

That's right.

So I wanted to talk, you know, about today, you know, I even see, you know, my kids. Chandelin's married, Chase is married. But Chaz, you know, he's 20. How does Chaz, 28 years old and dating, you know, he's found his. His girl now Ariana. But before he, you know, met Ariana, the struggle and even in being in California, you know, Campbell, you all were in California for a little bit and moving to a new place, not knowing anybody, that's just really difficult. Really, really difficult. So we're going to talk about it today. Nobody wants to be alone, right?

I don't think so.

You don't want to be alone, do you? No. And I think God puts that in all of us that, you know, we don't want to be alone. But let's not just talk about the struggle in dating. Let's talk about the struggle in Christian dating. That's even harder. That's even harder.

Yes.

Because, you know, you love God, you want to please him, you want to serve him, you want to honor him. We know There are principles, there are things we do and we don't do, and then you have to bring that into your dating as well. Yeah. Y' all ever had any crazy dating stories? You ever had a psycho?

Not me.

No. No. You've had some good dating.

Yeah. I've only dated one person.

Yeah.

It was for an extended period of time, and I haven't had any dates outside of that.

Yeah.

So no crazy stories for me.

No crazy stories. What about you, Alexa? Yeah. I have Liz Hill to kill. Where's the coffee? Where's the tea?

Where's the popcorn?

I know.

I do. I don't know if it's crazy because I haven't really dated a lot of people, but there was this one person out there. We broke up, and I would receive letters and random flowers and he would drop off.

Stalkerish.

Stalkerish, yes.

You couldn't break up with him. It's those kind of people you can't break up with.

Exactly. That's scary.

But you're so beautiful. No wonder.

Thank you. And then I did date somebody else, and who, if you believe in this, that's fine, but believed in aliens, and we always talk about it and, like, believed in a higher power that wasn't God, but he believed something was there. So just those type of conversations. And as a Christian, you're like, what? I put myself in those situations, too.

Yeah. What about you, Teresa? You dating crazy people?

Not crazy, just. I think I found it interesting as a Christian. Values are different even as a Christian.

Yeah.

And so people not understanding the hard lines of what you will and won't do, even though they're a Christian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was funny. You were. This was like, two years ago, maybe, and you had just got on a dating site.

Yes.

Yeah. And you were like, pastor Hope, these men are crazy. Yes.

Very forward. Haven't even met and can't talk about all the things that.

Yes, you can. It's real raw. Relevant.

Real raw, relevant.

You said they were asking you would you have sex.

Sexual things. Very sexual. Very. Never met. Yes. So and. And said they were Christian, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so that ended that.

Yeah.

No dates there.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow. What do you think the fascination is? I mean, y' all are. I'm sure. Have y' all ever been on dating sites?

I haven't.

No. Theresa has. What about the swiping? Shut up, Theresa. She said all of us.

Oh, yeah.

What is the swiping thing? What is that, like Tinder?

I think that's Tinder, where you like.

Swiping and you look at the people. If you like them and you.

Yeah.

Okay. Y' all ever done that?

No.

No. Wow. Tree.

So it's like most people on those websites are on those websites for different reasons.

Oh, yes. That's what I'm saying. Do you think it's a hookup? I think so. Yeah.

100%.

You?

Yeah.

So they meet for sex. So that's a kind of a known thing. See, me and Teresa's too old. We didn't know that.

No. I mean, you go through all the, like just. I can't say the name of it, but certain ones have like a full on questionnaire. Right. And so I would think if you're gonna go through that length.

Yeah.

To answer all the questions, that you were serious and find compatibility, you would be serious. Yeah, but.

Yeah, but maybe that's just the facade.

I'm sure there's good apples in there, but it's ruined.

Yeah.

My cousin did meet her husband on a date.

She did.

Really?

They're happily married. Christian couple.

And Chaz met Ariana.

Yeah.

On a dating site. It can happen. Yeah. Wow. Interesting.

Yeah.

But you know, what I was about to say is, before I got called up on that, I can see why it would be hard to settle down though, because you see so many options.

Yes, that's true.

It's like, wow. But maybe if there's somebody new comes up today or somebody better comes up next week, and that is almost like trying to do lottery stuff. You know what I'm saying? It's like you're never satisfied and you never are content because you always think there's something better.

Yeah.

And you can't live your life in a relationship always wondering if there's something better.

Well, outside of the dating apps, that's what social media does now.

Yes.

It's a problem that persists even without the dating app.

That's right. It is just the Internet phenomenon. It really is.

Yeah.

Hate that. So would you say that most people are looking for the one? You ever thought about that? Like, you want the one?

Yeah, I think as well, I can talk for myself. As Christians, you're always looking for the one because you want to build that connection and that family. And I think in the Christian community you are looking for the one. Outside of that, I feel like, I think in our generation it's a lot of hookup culture or like you say, like a lot of people don't want to settle down.

Yeah.

So it's. It's hard. Especially like what we were talking about before the podcast, like where do you meet another Christian person outside of, like, church or other communities? And I think that's.

Yeah. Or your job. I've. Over here. I've been over here. Everybody who's listening, trying to hook these two up. I'm like, you could take her out Saturday. They just met yesterday, y', all, yesterday. Got their children named. I got their children name. I think they do great together. She wants to move to South Carolina.

Arkansas, wasn't it?

Or was it. No, it was.

She was in California.

Right. So across the world. Yeah. Anyway, any. I tried. We'll see where it goes. I don't know. So the one. The one. Teresa, I think you just found the one.

I did. Well, he found me. Oh, I can't say that.

Let's. Let's talk about it.

But yeah. As a. As a young person coming up in church. Right. I think we are taught that there is a One for you, and you wait for that specifically for you. I think as I've gotten older, because I did believe that and I waited for that. Right. But as I've gotten older, you know, I've been divorced.

Right.

I've been widowed. Right, right. And so I think over time, things change and you begin to look for more. The values, the qualities. The characteristics, the integrity, what makes that person. And that qualifies that person as the one for me.

Right, right.

Not just. There's only one person in the world that is. Right.

Right. And if you miss it, you've missed the boat. Yes, I get it. Yeah, I get it. But I think sometimes I believe, I do believe that there is one person that God has created because we were pulled from Eve was pulled from Adam. And what Eve has. Adam is missing. And you come together, and that's the becoming one. That's the beauty.

The missing rib.

Yes, it's the missing rib. It's the beauty of marriage. But, you know, you can be widowed.

Yes.

And that one person's gone, for instance. I'm not saying he was.

Right.

But if that was. But now you're engaged and you're fixing to get married. I've never seen you happier. Right?

Yes. So very different.

It is today. It is very different. And the things that Theresa had on her list. Yes, yes.

I was very specific.

You were.

But I went through a season where. And, you know, I know you're going to ask us all these questions, but I went through a season after, you know, being widowed and waiting and going through my mind. And we talked about it like, yeah, don't ever want. I've done It, Yeah. Don't ever want to do it again. It didn't mean I didn't want someone in my life or a companion. Right. But the marriage thing was really. It was something in my brain that I just wasn't sure about. And you challenged me to think about, well, why would you date or why would you want a companion, but you wouldn't want to get married. Right. But as I got to know Sandy and all the things, like prior to getting to know him so early in the year this year, I've really felt the Lord challenged me. Like I went through, you know, the being single and waiting and trying to, you know, revamp my life and figure out what is my life, what gives my life meaning now. And it really wasn't another person. It was between me and the Lord and what I felt like the Lord had for my life at this season of my life. But I felt him putting his faith finger on, write the vision and make it plain for your. Your life. And it just came out like I still had that desire for another person to have a relationship. And so I did. I wrote it all out. And my list was very long. And I can say that I am in that exceedingly, abundantly season of life with him, that God has just blown my mind, that everything has checked off and. And more so that I didn't even put on my list.

More than you can ask or think.

More than I can ask her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But even in the exceedingly, abundantly more than you can ask or think, there's going to be times of night gas. There's going to be times of throwing up. There's going to be times of struggle. Oh, yeah.

Struggle is real.

Even when you find the person, it's not always perfect. And I think so many people, that's when they throw in the towel. They're like, oh, I must not have found the right one. I must have chosen poorly. You know, they get on my nerves or they've got a temper or they pout or whatever thing. Because we all have our things, right. None of us are perfect humans. And we're all gonna get on somebody's nerves, especially if you live with them 24, 7. You're gonna get on each other's nerves.

Yes.

And it's that great Christian foundation and Christian values that make you press through it, that make you love hard through the tough times, and then you end up, you know, being married. We've been married this year 35 years, man. We've had so many ups and downs, so many ups and downs. But that's what's made it so freaking rich. It's made it so beautiful.

It's coming through the struggles and the challenges. That is the reward. Right.

It's when you look back over your life and you're like, oh, my gosh, look what God did for us. Look what he brought us through. Look at the struggle we had here. And look at the time we wanted to give up there, and we didn't. And it's made us such a beautiful testimony.

It really is.

So even when you find the right person, you're one. It's not going to be perfect. Yeah, but that's another difference in a Christian relationship, in a Christian marriage, you know, versus the world's. Versus the world. So what about looks? Let's talk about looks. Do looks really matter, Campbell?

I think they do.

Yeah.

I think it's honestly, it's imperative that you're attracted to the person that you're going to be spending the rest of your time with, because comparison is the thief of joy already. But you need to be locked in. You need to have a strong foundation. I think part of that strong foundation is physical attractiveness.

I do, too, because that's the first thing you see when you meet anybody. I mean, I remember when I saw Ron, I was. I mean, I got the bubble gum. I was like, oh, my God, he had this long mullet. This blonde mullet. Yes. She said he had a mullet. Yes. I got pictures. I'll show you. He had this long mullet down to his shoulders, and it was curved and it was flapping in the wind when he was running down the basketball court. And his cheeks were so rosy because he'd been running. And I thought I was going to melt. He was just so good. Look. And so if I didn't have that initial, you know, I'd have never given him the time of day to even meet. You know, I hear people say all the time, looks are not important.

No, they are.

I think they are very, very important.

Because eventually you're gonna have to wake up to that person, too.

Yeah.

Like, see him.

But, you know, looks don't last either.

That's true.

Looks do grab you, but, you know, I mean, we get fat, we get. We get cellulite. Right? Men get bellies. Yeah. Men get the man. The man gut. Yeah. Chest drops down to here, you know, and then it goes kind of like women's chest. Everybody's chest drops eventually, right? Yeah, but. But then you have built so much over time. I mean, I don't think Ron Has a man gut yet. But if he did, I mean, I still think he's beautiful.

Yes.

I still think he's. Because I love him in so many other ways. But I agree that the looks do. You know, it's very important to be physically attracted, because even in that, you know, sex is a huge part of marriage. And if you're not physically attracted in that, you get the ick. Don't you get the ick? That's a new little term out right now called, you know, the ick or whatever it is. You ever been with anybody and you had the ick?

Yeah. Multiple times.

Yeah.

Like, this one person gave me a lot of icks, but I can't remember, like, on top of my head what it was anymore. But I think one day.

Oh, God, I'm embarrassed. It just came out. I dated this boy. I didn't even plan on it, but I was thinking about the ick, and it was our first kiss. I was in high school, and he kissed me. So gross that I didn't know the ick back then, but I had such the ick. I had to wipe my mouth. It was so slobbery going into my house. I was doing, like, this. My mom was like, what is wrong with you? I said, he just put his whole mouth around my mouth, and it was just so gross. I never went out with that boy again. So, yeah, I know what the ick is. What about you, Camel? You ever had an ick?

No. No.

Campbell, you were just the perfect specimen.

I'm not perfect. You know, I've just not been in those positions. Yeah, you know.

Yeah, he's been selective.

He's been very selective.

Very selective.

Yeah.

Very picky.

How about you, Teresa? You ever had the ick?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Huh. Can't talk about it. No, I think what you're saying is true. Like, you know, you think you like someone attracted to them and all the things, and then they do something that you just. It's repulsive.

Like chewing. Like sloppy chewing. Bad manners? Yes. No manners or dirty shoes?

Dirty shoes?

Yeah. Yeah. I like run shoes. Clean. I get the ick when I'm. I'm like. Or a dirty car. What about a dirty. You ever dated somebody with a dirty car?

Yeah. That's no bueno.

Yes. No bueno. No. No bueno. Okay, let's see. What about this? As a Christian, you don't want to sin, right? We don't want to sin. We don't want to cross lines. We don't want to cross boundaries. Okay. That's Tough. That's tough. Especially when you're 50s, 60s, been there, done that.

Yes.

You're dating, right? Yeah, it's tough.

It is.

So what kind of boundaries do you put in place? What kind of boundaries? Think about what. What would you do to put a boundary in place to make sure that doesn't happen?

Yeah. For us it was just a conversation up front and very honest and open about those things. And then you're careful where you go. If you are feeling, you know, a certain kind of way and you're feeling very ambarous and, you know, very happy, avoid being by yourself. And you just, you have to install.

A lot of self control.

It does not saying it's always easy.

Right.

But it's achievable.

It is achievable. You know, Ron and I dated almost three and a half years and we never had sex before we got married. And three and a half years is a long time now. Didn't say that. You know, we didn't slip up in other things, but we did not go all the way, so. But that was very difficult because we were together every single day in college, in a very small college, I mean, very small thousand people, and saw each other sun up to sundown. We traveled together all the time. And it is achievable.

Yeah.

But I think one boundary I think you can say is maybe just date within the same religion as you.

Yeah.

Because I've dated outside and it's hard, like, for them not to understand.

Yeah.

Your values and beliefs and then you're just more tempted to sin. And then in that Christian relationship, because I had a Christian relationship recently, for the first time, we're not together anymore, but it was a lot easier because we both knew that the same boundaries. And the boundaries.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I think it past relationships, maybe I was just desperate and just like looking for that attention. So I went be like I went outside of my beliefs and that's when sin started to happen.

Yeah. So what about in groups? I mean, is that old school? Is that too old school to say? You know, what did they call it back in the day? Courting, where you only, you know, dated in groups? Oh, you know, just dating with other people so that you're not alone. Yeah.

I've never heard.

Yeah, this is the first time I heard about it.

I think it's our generation thing.

It is our generation.

I think too, sometimes I feel stronger in it. Like, yeah, I'm good. And then, you know, for Sandy, sometimes he's a little bit more forward and we Just kind of have to say, okay, I'm good right now. Right. Or it might be the opposite. And so it's just having good communication about it and being willing to. You know. I'm not saying we don't kiss all over the place.

What does that mean, Theresa? No, they are just like little teenagers. And I am so tickled for both of them. Yes.

But. But, yeah, you can do it. The strength and the faith and the determination and the values. It really comes down to that.

And prayer will help a lot, too.

Yeah.

For clarity.

Yeah. And for strength and praying together. That was so special to me. I'd never had that until I met Ron. And we would always pray together at night. We'd pray on the phone. We'd do Bible study or do a devotion together. And, you know, it just made me feel so safe, so comfortable that I have somebody who is leading me. Campbell, what do you think about that as a young man? A young man. Are you confident in that, or do you feel like Christian young men maybe are insecure in that or.

And leading in prayer. Yeah, my take on it, it's very important to be able to do that. But I don't think you can lead somebody if you don't, if you're not able to lead yourself. I think that's the problem. I think that's the problem right now is a lot of people don't even try to lead themselves. They get distracted with other things or just don't have the right ambitions or the right goals set in place, and so they don't ever make it a priority to lead themselves, and then they can't lead anybody else. So, yeah, to me, it's important I do my best to focus on my spirituality every day. I prayed every day, several times a day, and meditate once a day at least. And so I like to. I don't like to just talk to the Lord. I like to hear him. So I love that. I like to be led by the Lord. And so if he's leading me, I can lead somebody else.

That's so good, because, honestly, I don't even.

I don't want to take the responsibility for leading somebody. That's why I let God lead me while I'm leading them. So we're both being led by the same person.

Campbell, I want you to know you're a jewel, but you're rare. You are. You're a rare breed. But I'm so thankful that there are godly guys out there that gives. This gives me hope today. Honestly, it really does give Me hope, because I've heard stories, you know, doing what we do, leading people, you know, being a pastor, being around so many people. We see so many hurting young people who say, I'm desperate. I can't find anybody who loves the Lord. No guys, they're all jerks. Are you even on Christian dating sites, you know, who want to know if you're willing to have sex?

Oh, yeah.

I think too, for like our generation, speaking for our generation, a lot of like, men that I meet, they say they grew up Christian, but they don't follow. Or that relationship is. Or they don't practice it. So when you get in that relationship and like you're actively seeking him, then you. It's still unbalanced. Somebody can be Christian, but they don't follow Christ. Yeah, so that's where I find the difficulty a lot.

So what are you looking for, Alexa? In a man, what are you looking for? Obviously you got a list. Do you have a list?

I don't have a list.

You don't? Theresa had a list. So do you have a list?

Not.

Not specifically. Not written out. Okay, so if you were gonna make a list, Alexa, what would your list start with? This is important. What's your number one?

My number one? My brain is stuck on height.

No, it wouldn't be that. He loves the Lord. That wouldn't be your number one. Ale.

My number one is like height.

Cuz you're tall. I'm tall. I'm tall, too. That was important to me. Yes, yes, I get it.

When you're walking, you don't want to like.

Yeah, you want to be able to wear your cute shoes. Right, Yeah, I get it.

Number one, relationship with the Christ.

Yes. Jesus. Yes. And then height.

Height looks good. Relationship with his family.

I love that. That is so cool. That is crucial.

And how they treat their mama too.

Yeah.

Because then that's how they're going to tell you.

It is telling. All right, Campbell, what's your list?

And my number one is going to be relationship with the Lord as well, because that covers a lot of morals right underneath it. But after that, somebody, they got to be a great communicator because I feel like that's one of my areas of weakness. And so it's something I'm actively working towards. But I feel like I should have strengths complementing my weaknesses. Yeah, that. So the communication, positive attitude. That's important to me.

That is so key too. I can't stand a Debbie Downer. Yeah, can you. Or a Negative Nelly.

Oh, I thought you were gonna Say negative Nancy.

Yeah, negative Nancy. Whatever negativity that, that, ugh, nothing can just drain my whole being than to be around somebody who's negative. Can't stand it. So I will be praying for y'.

All.

Yes. So Teresa just got engaged. God's come through for Teresa. Did you ever reach a place, Theresa, where you just got discouraged and didn't think it would happen?

Oh, of course. I think I went through different phases of loneliness is real. I think being single, you're working, you're trying to do life and all the responsibilities. Responsibilities that you have. And when you're used to being married and then you're not and doing it all by yourself. Right. You get discouraged that, you know, life is hard and you're trying to make it happen. But. But I went through seasons where I was lonely. Not desperate, but I was lonely and, and not wanting to be ashamed of that and be real about it and, and give it voice and say this is real and embrace it and work through it and allow God to help me walk through that season. But yeah, discouraged as far as, especially going through all the different dating sites and trying, I really did try them because I wasn't finding anyone that met the kind of criteria that you were.

A different place in your life too. And you work non stop, you know, so where else are you going to go?

Yes.

To meet. That was kind of your thought pattern.

And I was careful about church because I work at church and attend church and didn't want to mix that with, you know, I wanted to meet a Christian. But I was careful about not wanting to date different people in church.

Right.

In my church because it was also where I worked. But I did, I went through different seasons of discouragement or feeling like it's never going to happen. Maybe my standards are too high. Can I compromise here or there? And in my heart, I just couldn't do it. And so I did reach a point with the Lord that I just said, you know, if I can't have all of this, then I don't want it. I'll just figure out my life and be purposeful and intentional about my life. Yeah. And either you bring it and I'll never forget you telling me, like, for you, if it, if it's going to happen, it's going to be a God thing. It truly was. I had quit the dating site. I just was like, God, I know you can bring him.

And he did. And he did and he did. And we're so happy for you. Thank you. We're so happy. So life Rhythms. We're almost near the end. Life rhythms. Compatibility, Compatibility. And seasons. These are things that you need to work through when you're dating. Before you say, I do life rhythms, do you do the. Ron and I had to figure out life rhythms if we liked the same thing, the type of families we came from. Like you were talking about dating somebody from another religion. That's not the same life rhythm, you know, are you gonna raise your kids to go to the Catholic church or to the Protestant church? You know, that kind of thing. Compatibility. The looks, you know, do you like the beach or the mountains? You know, I hate the beach. I never want to go to the beach. Well, I like the beach. You know, that's not gonna work. And then seasons. You need to date long enough that you see the person you're dating through different seasons. You know, how do they do well under stress? How do they do when family problems? How do they do when they're sick? You know, how are they? Well, I can tell you right now, Ron Carpenter's gonna go to the ER Every single time he gets sick. I just wait for it. I'm like, I'm not even going to sleep. If he's throwing up, I'm not going to bed. Cause we gonna have to go to the er. Cause he's gonna need fluid. So it is what it is. They turn into complete children, all men, when they get sick. She said they do.

Yeah, my dad.

She said my dad does. So seasons to make sure that you know them well enough. That's why I had to ask Sandy the other day at the table when we went to lunch, all these things about you. Sandy, has Theresa told you this, this, this and this, And I spilled the beans on you, didn't I? Yes, you did. She called me out. I did. I called her out. I just wanted to make sure he knew before he said yes.

And the ten shades of red. But it was good. And we laughed.

That's right, y'. All. I know that there's no perfect marriage out there. There's no perfect marriage. There's no perfect person. That's why there's no perfect marriage. There's no perfect relationship because we're all broken. But I do believe that God has the perfect person for you, even in their imperfections. And if you are, you know, really struggling to believe God in your singleness, that you know there is someone for you, you may say, well, I've made so many bad choices. Listen, God can redeem the time. He can restore the years. And listen, if your heart is for him. If your heart is to please him and honor him and glorify him, he's going to bring that right person. He's got somebody unique and special created just for you. So don't give up. Just put God first, and then he's going to just bless the rest of your life. Y', all, thank you for being on today. I think this will really encourage people. So until next time, this is Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real, raw, relevant.