What Men Need | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign.

Hello, everybody. It's running Hope Unfiltered, real raw and relevant. This dude right here, he needs help.

I get silly when I get tired. I'm tired silly today. Have I always gotten silly when I'm tired?

Yes.

You know, people will go cranky. People will go traveling with me on my trips because they just want to see me after I done. About one or two in the morning, we riding back to the hotel. I didn't got deleted.

I'm cranky and you're silly.

I get silly, I start cracking on everybody. I start talking about people.

But they're sitting there with you and you talk about them to their face.

I start making up nicknames and all kinds of stuff. I'm doing that. We ain't had you in a while. Are you happy to be back?

I'm so happy to be. Anytime I'm with you, Ron. I'm happy.

Okay. What have you ordered on Amazon? I don't know about no.

Mac did.

We don't know nothing about Mac did.

Jody's been teaching us about all the ways we can do E commerce.

Well, tell them what we're talking about today. That already grabbed. I don't put the hook in their mouth and grab them. Oh, the last one you were here, we talked about, what do you need from me? So it was kind of, what does a woman need? But you made it more personal. This is what I need.

I said, yeah. I said, I can only answer.

So I told you today. I said, you asked me a little. I said, what we talking about today? I said, let's flip it.

You just want to tell me what.

You need in front of the world?

Okay.

My needs are simple.

We know they're very simple.

I know you have all these complicated things that we got to do, but mine are very simple.

Yes. Would you like to share them? And this could be.

We could be like a four minute podcast. We'd be done.

Yes. Men, men in general need the love.

Of a good woman.

Respect, appreciation, food and sex.

Not necessarily in that order. We'll do without food if we get smoked.

Oh, my God.

Anyway, I'm tired and I'm being silly. We got to get serious. It's supposed to be a serious talk.

Is it?

I think so. Isn't it?

Why is it gotta be serious?

By the way, we're in a new sanctuary doing this in Greenville, South Carolina. So, so, so grateful. Three and a half years. We met in a temporary location and this is our stage. And they set us up here on the stage. And a lot of People's been working real hard. We remodeled a building in five weeks. 67,000 square feet. We remodeled it in five weeks.

She got stuck. Stuff to do.

Yeah. Still got odds and ends, but everybody's made it work. And it's just a tremendous facility. The church, the first Sunday we opened up almost tripled in a day. So just. We're just in a really good place. This is the first time we've ever actually shot from here. When we go to Greenville, we always rented a studio, but now this is our own. So just praise God for that. Seriously. We talked about. I think it was two weeks ago, maybe. No, it's three now.

The needs of a woman.

Because last week I didn't do one, we had Travis. And four, you had the needs of a woman, and then you kind of made it personal. Because I do think there are generalities that fall in the category of what every woman needs and every man needs. But then I think, you know, there's every man that may be a little bit different from the crowd. Every woman that's different from the crowd, that's you.

And you're different from the crowd.

Because my need for my love Lane's quality time, I don't think usually falls in a man category. They usually falls pretty much in a woman category. They need that time, and they need that full attention.

But you need that quality time.

Yeah, that's mine. And if I get a little bit of that every day, I'm pretty much good to go anyway. You want to start silly or you want to start serious?

If no, just answer it. Okay. The number one need. Number one.

Are we doing general men? Because I can teach that. Are we doing me?

Let's talk about you first.

Okay.

Number one.

Well, most of it will be general men, but I probably got two or three. That's different. Number one. I thought about that.

Your number one need from hokey.

To be valued.

To be valued.

What I mean is, put you first.

You're my priority.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a good way to put it.

I know it.

That's a good way. But I don't.

That is not new in marriage.

In marriage, I'm a giver. Big time giver. And I'm a doer, and I'm a server. But when you. When you flip it, what do you need? I don't. I don't like in my marriage. Other stuff. I can deal with it. But in my marriage, I don't like to feel like I come in second. I just. Just. We're just beings.

When you do I mean, just life. And you have men pout or third.

That men, all men pout. Men, for the most part, don't want to argue because we don't like to get in battles we can't win. Women can out argue a man all day long because their verbal skills are so much greater.

I do not. That is not true in our house.

But that's commonly true.

Argue.

I'm a debater. I'm not really an argue. I hate arguing. I can't stand arguing. I hate it. And I'll do everything I can to try to get around it. I do want to fix it, but you can out. I don't want to argue it here again, it may be the preacher, the talker, because I have to talk a lot more than most men. I have to do it for a living. That's what I do by my calling. But I think, I think as long as I know that I'm somewhere on your mind and that for the most part, you, you got my best interest in mind. I'm good, I'm good. If I feel like I'm coming in at number three or four, nothing will change. But men by nature pout when they're not getting what they want. That's what men do. Women tend to, I think, be more verbal, confrontational, maybe more argumentative. Men just get quiet and does anything wrong. No. Yes, something's wrong.

Or they're passive aggressive and take it.

Out of a different way. Passive aggressive. I think that's a good way to put it. Am I passive aggressive? I know I'm a powder, but am I passive aggressive?

No, I don't think you are. But there are a lot of men that are passive aggressive.

Yeah, I don't think that's me. I remember I was being very, very vulnerable. Yeah. If, if, if I feel like, you know, I just got the worst of everything that day, I'll mope around the house and not talk a little while.

Until about 11 o'.

Clock.

And then you're like, I need to talk to you about something at 11 o' clock when I am ready to go to bed.

That's probably true too. Maybe not that late. But before you go to bed, I usually want.

Because you want us to work.

If you. Yeah, I want to work.

Anything about, about bedtime you're gonna say.

And I want you to bring it up because I want you to notice it. Yeah, I want you to notice I'm pouting.

Now that's passive aggressive.

I want you to notice I'm pouting.

That's Pass.

And then I want you to ask me and then once you bring it up, because I don't want to be the first to bring it up. I want you to notice something's wrong and then I'll come and talk about it. I don't know that all men fall in that category. That might be a wrong thing.

You're. That's. That's a womanly kind of thing.

That might be a Ron thing. That might be a wrong thing.

I want to say to be valued, I just.

I need to feel like with you, priority with other people, I can take it from not number one if I'm, you know, even my kids.

As long as I got you in that spot.

But as long as I know with you, everything else is going to come in second, third and fourth. I'm probably the best husband you could ever have. And you know that because I. I perform off things like that. If I get those internal things met, I become a server, I become a doer.

It fuels you.

It fuels me. To do. To do good things, to want to do good things. That's a hard number. You never asked me what's number one. I would say that's probably right up there with me. I remember Dr. Miles Monroe would take that song, you know, all you need is love from the Beatles. And he said it's not true. He said, that's not all a man needs. A woman needs. Yeah, a man needs respect. Yeah, I would think that. I think, you know this for the most part, Hope doing right means a lot to me and because character and integrity are not perfected. But there's something that I strive for. I beat myself up real bad. If I know I've fallen short. If I know I've hurt somebody, if I know I let somebody down, if I know I've made a bad decision, I'm beating. Beat up myself real bad. I think. I think that's why I. I have a need to feel respected because I work so hard at trying to do the right thing. People that. That have no character or integrity. Why would you ask to be respected? But people.

Narcissist.

Yeah. Yeah. But people who. In the good and bad and when it's easy and when it's difficult, try to still do the right thing, even if the right thing's going to work against them. We tell the story sometime. I won't go into the details. I mean, way back in the 2000s, we reported a. People like. That's the dumbest thing you ever did. Ron Carpenter. We self reported an IRS we had one of our entities that our little kind of mom and pop guy, we shouldn't have left it there, but we had a little mom and pop guy who lived next to us and he did our taxes. But our taxes were getting more and more complicated. Complicated. And we should have made a change. We didn't. And one of our entities, he went a whole year and didn't pay any of the taxes on that entity. And I self reported it. I called them myself and said they absolutely hammered us. And I thought to myself, man, you know, getting eat up like that for doing the right thing. But I think that's just the way I am. I. I want, I want to be respected because when everybody's looking and when nobody's looking, I try to do right. I try to.

You do.

And, and you know, and, and that's.

Worthy of respect, you know, so that.

Means a lot to me. A love language. You say what I need, but this is also in a love language. I think I'm different than most guys here. I think I like my alone time. I have a lot of alone time. I have more alone time than I want.

Do what?

I like my alone time. I have to think. I have to meditate in my alone time. Yeah, I like it. But when my alone time is over, I want to be with you. I don't want to play golf. I don't. When I'm tired, when I say I need a break, that's not fishing to me.

I'm your break.

Yes, you are. If I can be with you. I think that's a great compliment by the way. I don't think you should wear that as a weight because there's not really anything I want you to do. I just want to be with you. She squeezed my knee under the table.

He said, there ain't nothing I want you to do.

You know what I'm talking about? You know what did I tell you.

Last night that you missed just being with me?

I said, let's just get in the car and ride. You said, where are we going to go? I said, don't matter.

Yeah. And this morning you said, I just love being with you in the morning.

I missed it because we've been going. We've been going a lot and we got 10 days we got to sit there. You had two come hires back to back, so we missed each other. And before that you've been tending to your mom and dad. We've had a lot. But you know, I'm sitting there drinking that coffee by myself every morning and this is a whole lot better when I'm sitting on that couch drinking it with you. So for whatever reason, God wired me in such a way that is very meaningful to me. Is quality time meaningful to you? Yes, like I said, and don't have to be sex and all that. Yeah, the sex is nice. But when I say quality time, that really ain't what I'm referring to. Not talking about passion at all, just being together. Last night we, we. We got a little. We got a little two seater convertible that we like as a toy. And I got home last night, I'm. Let's just go ride. You know, we didn't because it started pouring down rain. That ain't fun in a convertible. But that's three things. I mean, I said two said respect and be valued and then quality time.

But men in general, I need.

This is raw and relevant. I still, I'm 56 and I. I feel the aches and pains and I see the stuff that don't look like it used to. I need to feel that you are attracted to me. I don't need to feel that you just in agape love with me. I need to know you got some Eros loved in there for me. I want to feel like I can still walk out of a room and I've. And me. Yeah, me and you're going to a gathering and I got the, I got the suit on and you look at me and like, man, let's be late. You know, I want to know that you legitimately feel that. I think as you get older that may be unrealistic. But you ask me what I like, I'm just being honest about what I like.

You work hard to stay physically fit.

And attractive and you asked me about that about a week or two ago and I said I do the best I can not to give you stuff to overcome to be attracted like hygiene and other stuff. I don't want there to be. After I get over these six gross things about Ron. Okay, then I can be attracted to him. You know, I wish he'd take a bath or I wish he'd, you know, shave his back or I wish he would do. I don't. I try not to give you hurdles you have to get past.

Thank you.

I try.

Thank you for not giving me hurdles.

It's harder the older you get not to have hurdles. But you're making me think about things. This is good.

What about men in general? Just biblically? What the way God created respect.

Men generally, they just need to.

They need to feel valued in their job.

I'll tell you another thing I need. Well, go ahead.

In your job, I said they need to be valued in. Because God created the man to work, to provide, to put his hands at something. So they need to be valued in that.

And he needs to be valued in that. He needs to be appreciated for it.

Yes.

A lot of times he's unappreciated for what he don't do around the house, but not appreciated for how hard he worked that day. So they can have a house. Yep. And I've had to talk to my kids about that a lot, you know, because they talk about sometimes how much I had to be gone. I'm like, yeah, but the same time, you like going to that private school, right? You know, you like that car you was driving. Yeah. You know, you were driving a car when you were 16 and you're going to a private school. Well, somebody's got to be out there doing something, you know? And I did work very hard, and still do. I think a man needs peace. I won't say it the way. We got a friend that says.

I was about to say.

I can't say it. Like Reggie's. Reggie's a little more crude now.

He says there's three P's.

Don't go there.

That every man needs.

Don't go there. I'm gonna tell you, he's too unfiltered.

But he says. He says, peace, pasta.

And he says, you figured the third one.

The third one out.

That's what he says. Yeah. Even I'm pretty raw. But even he's got me on that one, you know?

But he's. But he's right.

Hey, those are big three. But I'll tell you, I need peace. I've always told you. I don't know how men do it. I can't come home to chaos.

Right. And I've always tried to have our house.

You have a great home.

Peaceful.

You have a great home. I mean, you left our house this morning playing spa music. I mean, I wanted to go back to bed. There's coffee. It's raining outside. You got spa music on. You light candles. You. I mean, just a lot of little stuff.

Keep it clean.

Yes, the house is clean. It's hospitable. And you did that back 20 years, when you were 20 years old, we got married. I mean, you kept those little apartments spotless. I mean, you just did. But I. Not just my environment piece. You don't nag. You're not bombarding me with what I'm not Doing well. And I know that there are a lot of men that.

I'm not a nagger because I can't stand the nagger.

Yeah, you don't nag. You never have. You. You don't come home. I don't come home to everything I didn't do right. And. And I told him, I said that was. That was Samson's great attraction to Delilah.

Is that she just gave him a peaceful place.

She gave. Yeah, they told him about to lay his head down. I told him, I said, you know, pastors have made Delilah out to be, you know, some, you know, hips swinging like a pendulum, erotic porn star. And I said, the Bible mentions nothing about her sex life. The Bible mentions nothing about her body or her measurements. The body mentions nothing. Yeah, the Bible. The Bible mentions nothing about it.

There's the word ding, ding.

The Bible, nothing about it. And so it's all formulated and fabricated. But the Bible doesn't even talk like Samson's main attraction to her was even that he laid his head in her lap. In other words, you got a lot of problems, but you don't have any problems here. Yeah, come rest, Samson, you got enemies everywhere trying to kill you, but right here in my lap, you ain't got to worry about none of them. That is an extremely attractive feature. And when I've often told you, if I know you think I did good, I don't give a flip about nobody else's opinion. If you say the message was good, I can have 300 people in the thread tell me it sucked and it don't matter to me. But if some reason, though, you look at me and say, well, you know.

Ron, I wish you would have.

I wish you would have, or, you know, you came out the gate a little slow or something like that, boy, that'll mess with me all day long. Because your opinion means everything to me. Everybody else's opinion doesn't matter as long as I got yours. And so peace coming home to peace and having. Even when you know, me and you got a lot on us, and now we're both very active, even where we have to work through something, work through it and landing in peace. Peace is not the absence of conflict. It's just knowing how you. It's knowing the process by which you get there. And I think peace almost has to be a demanded standard in the house. You know, we're not. We're not going to be crazy here.

Yeah.

We're not throwing plates here. We're not screaming all the time here.

This isn't going to happen.

Yeah. That's not the way this house is going to be.

You as adults do it, your children do it. And they're. They got free permission to be buck wild in the house.

So I know with me, I need peace. We've been doing this about 20 minutes, so let me think one or two more. What do you perceive under sex?

I perceive you need sex.

Has my sex drive changed over the years?

Not really. Your understanding of me has changed, but your sex drive has not changed.

That's a good way to put it.

Just you've understood the nature of a woman, a woman's cycle, my differences in my age. And so you know how to temper your same sex drive. But you still have it.

Do you like look, do you like that I'm still attracted to you?

Yes, I like that.

Do you like walking through in the towel and. No. If you don't get your clothes on in a hurry, something grave is going to.

No, I don't know if I like that. I don't.

You know, you said he's been looking at me for 36 years and I still have to hide when I got. I think that's a compliment.

It is a compliment.

That's a compliment. Yeah. You can still do that after all these years. We've been together a long time.

We have. As we get known.

I need. I need intimate. I need sexual intimacy with my wife. There's a strong feeling of connection that I get out of that. Not just the physical pleasure of it, but the soulish. The soulish connection.

Well, it does. It keeps you connected as a couple.

Yep.

On another. Different. On another level.

A lot of men need it for just the release of it. There is that element that a man has, but I think mine's as I've matured as a man, mine's deeper than that. I'm not just looking for my next experience. I'm like, I need to be with you. You know, and I need to be with you this way. And I will tell you this. I'm going to toot your horn in front of everybody because there may be a lot of women need to hear this. I don't get turned down much. I think a lot of women need to hear that.

You don't.

Can we call it what you used to call it? Can we say that even on unfit. You used to call it the mercy.

Ronald, we're not going to talk about the mercy screw.

The mercy screw. Tell them what a mercy screw is. Look, we. When we started this podcast, we said we're going to Talk about everything.

The mercy screw is when you give it because you love your spouse, but you really don't want it. You know, it's like, I really don't.

I'm not there. But I know you are.

But I know you are. So this is Ron. And I would tell you, ron, this is going to be a mercy screw. And you're like, okay. You're like, fine, I'll take it. Dang it.

You're like, I can't match your passion. So this is going to be ministry.

It is ministry.

It's going to have to be ministry. Now let's quit laughing. To some women who are out there saying, I'm just going to be honest with you, I don't believe that. And I'm not doing that. If I don't feel it, I'm not doing it. What would you say to that?

I don't always feel like being nice.

There's a lot of feelings about this.

Right now, but I don't always feel like being nicer. I don't always feel like getting up and going to work. But there are requirements, and I think in marriage that there are some requirements you just don't withhold.

Here's what I would say to these ladies, because it's really not been a big problem at our house. It really hasn't.

No. I'm not going to do a mercy screw or a real screw. If there's tension between us and I'm mad at you, I'm not doing that. And I feel like that is.

No, no.

It degrades you under normal circumstances.

But. But at that moment, our appetites are different.

Right.

Here's what I've told ladies. Neither have I took advantage of that. So there's a mutual thing that goes on there when, you know, your wife views her love for you and views her body as yours in that way. But at the same time, it needs to be reciprocated. That that's not taken advantage of. But I would tell most women, what good does it do to allow your man to walk around with that desire unmet? And you know, it's unmet, and you don't care what possible good is going to come out of that.

But, I mean, this is. This is opening up a huge can of worms that we probably don't have time to go into.

It's a different podcast.

Yeah, but there's, you know, a lot of men, Ron, who are walking around with this animalistic sexual porn. Yes. That is not healthy because it's rooted in true self. It's rooted in self and it's rooted in having self control. It's rooted in porn, it's rooted in.

A lot of things.

So a woman feels that. A woman. Nasty desire. A woman feels that she's just being.

Talk about that, Talk about that.

You can feel it because it's a spirit. There's a spirit on it and a woman can feel that. So they feel used, they feel devalued, they feel degraded. And so yes, they're going to kick against.

Yeah, that's good.

It's true.

So you can tell the spirit out of which you're being approached.

Yes. You can feel the pursuit. If it's a loving godly pursuit.

This is my husband and he needs me.

Yes. Or if this is a dirty. Rooted in something sinful, he's gone to.

Something else and got himself tore up and now he's coming to me to meet it.

Yes.

Yeah, that's good. That's good for the men to hear.

A woman can feel that. A godly woman can feel it. Even an ungodly woman feels.

She may not know what she's feeling.

But she feels something because you can feel spirits.

I definitely need the sex and a lot of that has not changed through the years. Maybe my appetite a little bit, but my attraction to you in that area has diminished very little. I still very strong and you've been good to me in that. I think that's part of a very healthy marriage. Let's do one last one, but I'm going to switch it up on you. What's one thing you perceive that I need that you may give to me? And I don't even know you're doing it, but I just. But you just know I need it.

You need my help in a lot of areas and I'm okay with that because I know my role is to be a help mate. I have. I am designed to help you do the things that you're not good at. Because we all have areas we're not good at. Right. But God puts the woman in the man's.

We were dating. You told me I was good at everything.

Well, I didn't know you well then.

You just want a ring.

Anyway, God puts the woman in the man's life to help the man, okay? In that area, in whatever area he's deficient in. So you can't. Women get mad, you know that he can't do X, Y and Z. That's why you're in his life, is to help him. You can't resent him because he's not good at whatever. And you can fill in the blanks. You probably are. That's why God puts you with him.

I've always said our differences are what makes the partnership, not our likenesses. Our differences. And the place where most people fight are the places where God sent somebody to complete you. Right? That's what's crazy. To help and complete you and supplement the area which you're not good at.

I really do wish that you would learn to find the mayonnaise and the dressing and stuff, though. I mean, in the refrigerator. I don't. I really don't want to help you do that anymore. You just open it up and you move things around and you look for things.

It is such a hassle, though, moving all the Amazon boxes out of the way to get to the fridge.

My boxes aren't near the fridge.

Yeah, they are.

They're in the front door.

They're everywhere. They're on the outside front. You know why?

Because I'm helping you. I am helping you.

You helping me liquidate my assets?

No, those were my assets. Anyway, this has been good. You know what?

Go back and catch the one two times ago where she sat here and told me these are things she needs. And then look at the one. Look at the one you're looking at now and go back. I think it'd be good to have some discussions.

I think you need to go talk to your spouse. If you're married and you're listening to this, you know, it really doesn't matter, ladies, what another man needs. And it really doesn't matter. Gentlemen, listening to this. What women in general need. If you're married, you need to ask your spouse, what do you need from me? What is it that you need to tell them? Yes. And you need to be open. It doesn't need to go into a fight or you don't do this for me. Don't. Don't answer it that way. What do you need? And you need to love them enough to receive it and to give it.

That's good. Spoken from a place of maturity. That's where that comes from. And we do want to tell some people who say, man, we're a long way from that. This come after barn burners. This comes out of being at the lowest points in life. It's come after three and a half decades. Yep.

It's being married for the long haul.

The long term investment saying, we screwed this up and we're going to work to fix it. Well, we screwed this up. We're going to work.

We've had lots of long talks and lots of cries to learn each other and to get there. But it's part of the beauty of the journey.

It is. It's the adventure of the journey. It sure is. We love you guys. We always appreciate you. Forgive me for skipping a week. I just got tired of doing them by myself while my baby doll wasn't with me. And. But two week, two. Two times ago was the one with me and Hope. And then this one right here would be good to listen to together. Well, tell them what you got going. Inner circle.

Inner circle. If you want a really genuine real life mentorship, I would invite you to come to be a part of my inner circle. It's called Hope's Inner circle. Go to hopesinnercircle.com sign up. You get the free book, you get a free month. We've got people from all over the world from different countries.

Would you categorize what you do more as coaching or more discipleship?

Discipleship.

Okay.

Yeah. I really take real life issues. Renewing your mind, how to become more disciplined, you know, what do you do with pain? Those types of things.

I'm usually in the next room while you're doing it. It's good stuff.

It is really good stuff. And we have people from all over the world, five countries, actually now, 34 states. And it's pretty special. So if you would love to be a part of something like that, to be a part of a group who holds your hand to watch you grow and who believes that you can be better than you are today, go to hopesintercircle.com and join.

And we quit doing advertisements for others for a while because we had our own stuff we've developed and want to tell you about. I have the Vault, and the Vault is my life's library of preaching. Yep. All the way back to the stuff I'm not sure I want you to hear from the early 90s. We've digitally remastered it all, and for a subscription price of $9.99, you can go to my app. Not the website, go to the Ron Carpenter app. Go to the Ron Carpenter app. And on the app you can be a subscriber. You can do it a month or you can do it forever. But everything I've ever preached, every title under the sun, every subject under the sun, it's in there and I would love for you to have it. And we fixed it up for you. That's the end of this one. And until next time, Ron and Hope, Unfiltered, real, raw and relevant. This one was fun.

Relevant.

We'll see you real soon.