Why Happiness Isn't Enough | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign.

Hey, everybody, it's Ron and Hope. Unfiltered. I'm so glad you're here today. Real raw and relevant. Before we started this taping, Ron Carpenter. It's been over here just burping away. And he says it's because he had to inhale his salad. Is that true?

I don't have no time in my day.

It's gross, Ron.

Well, you just eat walking down the hallway. Just slam something else.

It's just gross.

I was burpy.

However, we are so glad that you came today.

I can conceal it so nobody knows it.

You can? Well, why don't you do it?

You've heard me do it. You've seen me rather do it. When I burp, nobody knows I'm doing it.

And you're like. Like that.

Move with it a little bit.

Okay.

But you don't make a sound. Oh, I'm tired, too.

It's a choice.

I'm tired. I burp more when I'm tired.

You do. Interesting. Interesting tired.

We've had.

Brian.

We've had.

We've had my parents with us for two weeks, and it's been great. And we've just been out of our normal schedule, and we have been taking care of my parents around the clock for two weeks. Right, Ron? Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. And that's all we're going to say about that. I know. I will treasure all the memories that I've had with them for these last two weeks. Bought my daddy a cowboy hat, some cowboy boots. Took him to the. To the boot barn. He is feeling himself right now. Ron. I'm almost kick you. Anyway, what are we talking about today in laws? No, we're not. No.

It's been a blessing.

Okay. We're gonna have your mama in about three weeks, so.

Baby. Baby.

Mm.

We're gonna have your mama for like two days.

About three days. Mm. I'm just gonna sit here, not saying anything.

Well, I mean, they've been giving us permission to do things.

Me and Ron were sitting out at the fire pit the other night, and I thought they were already in the bed. So we're sitting out at the fire pit, and then I see mama come up the hall. She comes out and looks outside, and she was like, I'm going to bed. Y' all can stay out here now as long as you want. And Ron goes, thank you.

I needed her permission to sit outside at my own house. And she was letting me know that I had her. Okay.

Mothers will always be mothers and want to take care of Their children. Right. We need to move on.

That's just one thing in the ribeye state.

Ron, we're moving on.

What about the rib eye steak?

Okay, so today.

Wait a minute. This is a topic. People want to hear about our life.

They do.

This is not preaching this. Just want to hear about us.

Go ahead.

Well, we've done a lot of sharing. Me and your dad.

Me and your dad. What have you been sharing about?

Every time y' all go off and leave us, we share.

Go off and leave you.

You'll walk off with your mom.

She likes to sing in the bedroom. So I go back there to spend time with her. And daddy likes to watch TV in the den. So you're in there with him.

And.

You'Ve been sharing what you been sharing.

Been sharing a lot. And so I got ribeyes the other night. I told Hope I was tired of cooking. Yep, you heard it. Me tired of cooking. Said I told her, I said, it's my day off, I'm not cooking. I done cooked on a big breakfast cleaner. So I'm not cooking tonight. So we have a steakhouse down the road from the house called Cattleman's. It's a good steakhouse, but, you know, in California, everything's double. Just a steak and a potato and a salad. I mean, if you can find one. 50 bucks, you're doing good. Literally. So we get everybody hopes that everybody likes ribeyes. Let's get ribeyes. So I just order ribeyes, go pick them up and come back in there, say, we got the food, guys. Y' all come on. Hopes mama walks in there and looks at it, goes, walks back in the bedroom and goes back there. And then we got home late one night.

Ron, stop. Stop it.

We got home late one night. That was penance.

Because we do have to work, you.

Know, so that was penance. Anyway, we had to be sorry for about three hours.

It's interesting. It really is interesting. The dynamic of when you are middle aged like us and you got adult children. I got grandchildren time and grandchildren. But then your parents have kind of reverted back to that childish childhood mindset. So you just. We feel like we're taking care of everybody. So anyway, we honor them, we love them.

It's been an interesting two weeks, but when this podcast drop, we'll be taking them back to the house.

Would you slide that mic down so we can see you?

Is that better?

Yes. He's getting on my nerves today, baby.

Bottom line, I have been a butler for two weeks. I've been a Butler. I just hear people call my name and I run. That's when they call my name. I'm an IT guy.

Yeah.

I'm a chef. I'm a chauffeur.

You're good at it.

I do all these things.

You're good at it.

And I'm tired. I'm tired now. So we did actually have something good we want to talk about today. But you've already took like seven of our minutes. Me talking about your parents. So let's just move on to something else. I want to talk about. I just want to be happy. How often do we hear that?

A lot.

I just want to be happy.

I wrote a whole segment in my first book, the Most Beautiful Disaster.

What did you say about it?

That that phrase is a huge red flag. You hear that?

I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy.

Because that's the devil's playground. Is you looking at yourself as an isolated figure.

It's the beginning of selfishness in your world.

Whether it's your family, you know, a marriage, raising children. You know, you give yourself away when you are married, when you are having children. And even as a Christian, your life is not your own. Right.

Your life is not your own. You've been bought with a price.

Yeah. You die. And when, when you start looking around saying, I just want to be happy, and you start making decisions based on you and your soul wants and happiness in life, ooh, you're going down a slippery slope.

Let's define it. We do hear about it a lot. You say, what's the context of that? That sounds like a weird subject because we have seen the journey for happiness destroy so many lives. And so I think it needs to be defined first of all, what happiness is. There are some people that, you know, I just want to be happy is, you know, I'm going to turn into a pleasure seeker. I'm going to turn into a 24 hour day pleasure seeker. And the Bible says, he who sows to the flesh reaps corruption. So number one, I just want to be happy. You've got to really examine where is that coming from?

Where's the root of that?

Where's that coming from? Because if I just want to be happy, it's coming from a wrong place. It'll destroy your life. I mean, I'm not saying that tongue in cheek. I mean, it will destroy your life. But if a person's at the altar wanting to find God, saying, I want to be happy, that's totally different.

I'm in a miserable.

I'm miserable living like this. I'm miserable.

I believe the Bible preaches that he died a terrible death.

See, we have a great life so.

That we can live.

Yes, so that we can live. How come that you might have life and have it more abundantly? And here's where I'm going to come from in this. Ron Carpenter's definition of happiness is to please God as I understand the Bible. And I'm gonna tell you that there's 2000 pages to understand and there's thousands of denominations that have a different take on the Bible. But if I take the Bible as a whole, the context of the word of God, fulfillment, happiness, success, blessing, fill in the blank. Comes when you obey God.

Yeah, when you're walking out to your house.

I wanted to be a Division 1 football coach. And I would love to make one of these 8, 10, 12 million dollar a year salaries. That's what I wanted to do. And I was pursuing it heavily. That's where I was going to go. And I had me a pretty good plan mapped out. Then I got saved. Okay. Now I could have continued a fleshly pursuit in the pursuit of being happy. But saying yes to God, even though I didn't know how, wasn't trained and really was not attracted to anything. I felt like he was calling me to do. I felt like from this point forward, ultimate happiness is not out here. Happiness is in here. Okay. And if happiness is in here, then obedience, no matter how hard, you're still happy.

Yeah, let's talk about, we'll expound on that. But right now let's talk about our sponsor, Greenship Fall. Here we are at Fall. I can't believe it. And it's one of my favorite seasons. The crisp air, the cozy sweaters, warm flavors just make everything feel comforting. It's the perfect time to reset and bring healthy habits back into focus. And with Green Chef, the number one meal kit for clean eating, you can do just that. Green Chef makes it easy to spend less time in the kitchen and more time enjoying fall. And with their new heat and eat meals, enjoy a delicious wholesome meal in just three minutes. That's crazy. Perfect for supporting your wellness journey. Green Chef recipes feature fresh organic seasonal produce and 100% responsibly sourced proteins to help you feel your best. Green Chef's real clean ingredients help you build lasting, healthy habits without the hassle. Enjoy. Salads ready in just five minutes. Protein filled breakfasts or nutrient rich smoothies. You'll love that we hadn't tried their smoothies to fuel your day. Green Chef is ready to nurture your Nutritional needs with 80 plus dietitian approved weekly meal options. Listen. 80 meals. It's crazy. Green Chef makes it easy to find meals that fit into your lifestyle. Pick from Mediterranean, gluten free, plant based and protein heavy. Even gut and brain health and calorie smart choices too. The recipes change every week and with week to week flexibility you can adjust your plan to match your mood and your schedule. Your We've tried Green Chef's creamy Tuscan chicken with sun dried tomatoes and spinach and oh my goodness, it is so good and it's packed with flavor. Green Chef sent everything in this fresh and pre portioned box so all I had to do was cook it and enjoy it. It's honestly one of the easiest ways to eat clean and still feel like you're treating yourself. So make this fall your healthiest yet with Green chef. Head to greenchef.com 50ronandhope and use code 50ron and hope to get 50% off your first month. Then 20% off for two months with free shipping. That's code 50roninhope@greenchef.com what running Hope 50 Ron Ron and Hope. Okay, here we go. Happiness. I just want to be happy.

Well, there's a scripture. Happy is the man whose God is the Lord. Whose God is the Lord. Lordship means submitting. Happy is the man who submits.

And we think we won't be happy.

Exactly.

Submit.

Exactly. So most time we say I want to be happy, it's I want a new wife, I want a new life, I want a new career, I want.

A new house, I want to hang with my friends.

I want a new place, I want new friends. Yeah. There's things about my life around me that I don't like. I have always everything that has to do with joy, peace, happiness, these fruit of the spirit, everything is internal. But most of the time when people say I want to be happy, there's something outside them that they think if I can fix the thing around me, it will make the inside of me better.

And that's not true.

When the fact is if I can change the inside of me, I can live through everything and have peace.

Whatever we got to go through.

Because how many times we have people say, I don't know how y' all wouldn't have made it through that. We've had people say that because we have not just, you know, our marriage, we have so many other things that we've had to walk through that, you know I think we're sent to take people out.

Well, the scripture says, when you go through the fire, I'll be with you. When you go through the flood, you'll come out on the other side.

On the other side.

We're never promised this life where everything's wonderful and everything's happy and there's no stress and you don't have a marriage where you never fight or you don't want to punch somebody. That's not real.

But I still hold to the fact I think most people believe I want to be happy. And I got to change this. Yeah, I've got to change this. And I got. And yes, sometimes you do need a career change. Sometimes you do need to change churches. You know, sometimes, you know, you may need to move into a different neighborhood. I'm not saying those things will not improve your quality of life. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about what, you know, the chemist would call dopamine. What keeps giving me that dopamine shot. If you start looking externally to get that. Whoo. The Bible tells me that my refreshing comes in the presence of the Lord. So I'm refreshed in the presence of the Lord, and I'm happy. Happy is different from joy. Joy is just a part of knowing God and being saved. The joy of my salvation. So there is a joy deposit. Just the fact that I've been born again and I have a relationship with God, that is a joy. But then let's go to the next step. Happiness usually has to do with happenings. The greatest happening in my life is when I obey God. And God will sometimes ask you to submit and say yes to the thing that is by far the much harder road to travel. But it is the road to happiness, even though it's the more difficult road. And I think that is where sometimes the deception comes in. Because, you know, even our kids, you know, they've looked at everything their daddy have gone through, and I don't want that life. I don't want to live like you had to live. And I told them, yeah, but I would make all of those sacrifices and decisions again for what I had on the inside of me, even though I didn't always like what was going on around me.

Right.

You see what I'm talking about?

Yeah, I do. And I know with my own life, you know, here's the thing. I think most of the time when people say that they don't understand that the reason they're feeling, quote, unquote, unhappy or not like Your life is not what you're presently in. It's because you haven't healed the issues from the past that brought you to here. So you've got all this trauma, you got all this pain, you got all this unresolved conflict or abuse or abandonment or whatever it is in the past, and you're sitting here now. So the enemy comes and he says to you, you're not happy. And you think you're supposed to blame that thing, that marriage, that job, that situation, that person, when really it's all this unhealed. So see, if he can get you blaming somebody else, you will never focus on and deal with the issues and become free.

Let me give an example. Let me give an example. Let's say that there were things about you which this is not the case. There were things about you that, as a wife, I just detested. Okay? So here's the normal, natural, ungodly take. I got to change this.

Yeah.

Because this is the source of my miserableness and my unhappiness. I got to get rid of you. Okay? There's somebody else out there that make me happy. You don't make me happy. Not realizing the part that I've played in creating you.

Right. We want to blame.

Exactly. So if I look and say, wait a minute, where have I not submitted that has brought me this level of unhappiness? And where can I get myself right with God? If I change me, that's going to immediately affect me. Affect you?

Yeah.

And your wifehood is going to change, and it's going to be directly proportionate to the changes that have taken place in me.

Yeah.

There are a lot of things that a lot of people complain about us with their marriages, but, like love and all those things you give freely to me, you freely love me as a wife and as a lover, and a lot of people don't enjoy that. But here again, there's a certain kind of man that you tell me is easy to love, and you say, that's a man who submits to God. In other words. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but what you've always insinuated to me is, you know, when I came to you and you were building your dream home, and I said, I think we're supposed to go to California, and you took five seconds, said, I'm going with you. Why did you not give me hell? Why did you. I've heard of stories, marriages going off the ropes from stuff like that. Okay. Why did you not give me hell? Because on some Level. On some level. Even though I've missed it before, obviously, I think you thought. I think my husband hears God.

We've said this before. That makes us feel very safe. That makes a woman feel very safe when she feels like we're submitted to God. Yes, the husband is submitted to God. So that makes me feel safe with your decisions. That makes me feel safe with you.

Even when God asked me to do hard things, it still makes you feel safe. And see, that's what I'm talking about.

Because I was happy where I was.

It was fine. Life was fine. Yeah, life was fine.

I mean, our life had never been better.

No. We weren't trying to get away from anything.

So I was happy. So it wasn't that. You know, you always have to seek happiness. But I think the people who always are trying to seek happiness really are not seeking happiness. They're seeking thrills. That dopamine hit that because they're really depressed. They're really living in a life that they hate because they're not living in purpose. Jesus is not their Lord. They're running from God. So they're running to other things, trying to give them that temporary high, that temporary feel, and then they go back depressed. Then I got to run over here and do this again. Then I got to go over there and do that again.

And then what? I'll never forget what Denise Boggs, what she taught us when we were healing our marriage, putting our marriage back together. She held our hand through a lot of that. And I learned a lot from her. I learned a lot that I didn't know. And one of the things she said is when you're searching and you go on this run looking for happiness, to some people, that's a substance that turns into a substance abuse. That becomes a substance addiction, or maybe it's a relationship that turns into an inappropriate relationship that turns into. Yeah, then whatever you run to to get that hit of dopamine, that makes you feel better. She said the weight of what you run to becomes greater than what you were running away from.

I thought when she takes more and.

More and more and more. That's why I thought when she said that, that was so profound to me, because I'm like, you are so right. I know so many people that have ran to something trying to find happiness. And what they ran to was much more binding and restricting and carried much more misery than what they were running away from because you're trying to go.

To the wrong source to fill your cup. And the Bible says only Jesus can satisfy the longings of your soul, which is your emotional man, the happiness. Only Jesus can feel that. But we run to all these other places trying to fill us, which never satisfies. So that's why you've got to have more and more.

And here's another irony, huge irony, when people think a certain place, a certain status, a certain level or certain things would make me happy if I can ever get there. That arrival is so disappointing. And this is about 100% across the board. And I've also noticed a lot of people don't lose themselves, their marriages and their health during the journey. They lose at the destination, the journey. You know, the marriage was strong because they were both fighting to get somewhere. But when the glory comes, the weight of that glory is something that just crushes them. It's amazing to me that so many people did well until the blessing was realized. And when the blessing was realized, the blessing crushed them. Absolutely crushed them. I'll never forget, TD Jakes wrote a book years ago, can you stand to be blessed? And I looked at the COVID of it. I'm like, I wonder where he's going with that. And the fact that he talked about the weight of the blessing when there's so many people that's never been destroyed in the sacrifice, they were destroyed in the blessing. And I look, and it was during some of our greatest times of breakthrough is when our greatest turmoil and sadness hit our home. But in the times when he was living in the ghetto and praying for groceries and carrying people to church in our car, we look back on those, and many of them, even though it was difficult times, they were fond memories. Isn't that odd, the way that that breaks out? Because you can't ever say, if I get this or get here, I'll be happy. That's a lie.

Because God's not going to let anything else get the glory.

That's a lie.

He is going to get the glory. And it seems so simple that it's too hard almost for people to wrap their head around, that only Jesus can satisfy the longings of your soul. You know, that seems too simple. We feel like, oh, you don't understand what I'm going through. You don't understand the man I live with. You don't understand the woman I have to put up with. It's them, it's this. It's my job. You don't work where I work. Oh, only Jesus can satisfy the longings of, come try to work where I work or live where I live. But it is that simple. If you ever get your internal constitution settled? If you can ever reconcile your pain, you ever can reconcile your abuse or whatever it is that we've stuffed stuff stuffed that is driving us unconsciously driving us to, to nurture and to care for and to rock our pain. If we can ever get that reconciled, then we realize we're not searching anymore, that we found Jesus. He does satisfy me. And I'm not running off looking to all these other places to make me feel happy.

Right, Right. I just believe that happiness comes in doing the right thing under God. Happy are those whose God is the Lord. When God gives me a directive and I'm like God, I don't want to do that. But I say yes anyway. Somehow or another, I don't think, Ron.

But I don't think because I've been in these shoes. I don't think you've ever been in these shoes. I don't think that a person who has an unhealed heart and who has traumas and is so messed up emotion soulishly can come to a place to be like, okay, I'm just going to do what's right because that unhealed heart is driving you. That pain is driving you. I think somebody who is healed can say that. Yes, I can say yes to Jesus. I'm going to. Even if this is hard, I'm going to do it. Because you have a whole constitution to be able to do it. But a broken person cannot make good decisions. You've got to get. You have got to get your heart healed.

And so that sounds good. How does somebody do go about doing that?

It's a huge process. It's a lifelong process. You weren't abused? You weren't beaten?

No, I was not.

You wasn't raised in a home?

I was raised in a good home.

So you don't know what that feels like.

But the key is not going to change. The key is when you obey.

When you finally do.

And when you obey, you know that's where the place of happiness and joy is.

That's why people come to church all the time and come to the altar and get up and leave and their life can never get on a what's the word? A trajectory of moving forward and operating in purpose. Because just coming down to the altar and getting some temporary ministry, that's relief and coming to sit even under great word like you give. The Bible even says if the ground which is your heart is thorny, is hard, stony and stony. The word can't even penetrate that. The word can't change your Heart. It's only that 25% of good soil that the word can penetrate. So it's all here. It's our heart that has to be healed.

So is there any happiness that can be attained by things outside of you? I don't know that there is.

I don't either.

I'll go further. Say I believe it is the condition of my heart. When I say inside, I'm talking about the heart, I'm not talking about the blood pump, but the spirit man, the emotional man, the inner man, the unseen man. That's what I'm talking about. And its passions and desires. I believe it is getting that part of me, right, that allows me to enjoy things in life.

Yeah.

I have sat down in a very nice convertible and driven to the office and probably nearby to full blown depression. A very expensive car, very nice one I would dream about. Finally got to the place after a book deal, I was able to do it, but miserable. Miserable and unhappy and confused. And so I got the thing. But the state of my heart, the state of my soul, I could not enjoy even a blessing that God would let me into. So I come back to the fact happiness is internal. It is not external. Joy is internal. Peace, all these things are internal. And when you say I got to.

Fix everybody to make me happy, to.

Fix me, I think it is. I got to fix me before everything else.

It's a lie from the enemy and it's a trap. It's a. It's a stronghold. It's a lie that you've taken to be true and you're standing on it. It's a stronghold that I'm not happy because of you and I'm not happy because of this. And I'm not happy because I don't make enough money. And I'm not happy because I'm not married. It's not. You can be happy if you're broke.

You can be happy if you're single, married. You'd be happy, period.

Because of the condition.

Yes. And it's that condition of your heart and that ongoing obedience that keeps you in that place. It keeps you in that sweet spot with God that allows you to endure things but never lose your happiness. And I've been around some of those Christians and I knew they had just suffered great loss. And I'm like, man, they're down at the altar hugging people and they're giving away their last daughter. And, you know, we should be helping them because her husband just died and look at her. But what is that? That is not the state of their life. It's the state of their heart.

That's right.

And your life can go through ups and downs, but the state of your heart create a constant joy and happiness that allows you to stay in a great place.

That's abundant living.

Even though. Exactly.

Abundant living number in your bank account.

Listen.

That's abundant living.

Let me tell you, they've read your book and they've heard us talk about it. Hope. I remember when I used to believe God for we was in a rented warehouse believing God for a building for our church. Me and nobody in my family had ever owned a home. Believing God for me and you can buy a house. I remember believing. And then all of a sudden, I remember years later, I was believing God for sleep.

Yeah.

You see what I'm talking about? Why? Because when your insides are all messed up, what you want changes.

Yeah, it does.

Those new buildings and houses and all that kind of don't mean nothing. I get up in the morning and cry, thank you that I slept last night. Why? Because of all the attack on your insides. So I think what me and you both are saying, happiness, it's a gift. I don't know if it's something that you achieve. I don't want to achieve happiness. It is a gift of God by living a life.

Yeah. It's not what you chase. It's a result of your state of being. It's a result which has come from God. Because I'm at peace. I am settled. I can lay my head down tonight. Know that I'm right with God. I'm right with man. I've done everything I know to do to obey the Lord. I'm happy because it's a result of my relationship with God.

Where you are with God, it's a result of where you are with God. And I think that's what we're trying to say because we hear all the time, you know, why y'. All.

And I know that sounds too simple.

It does, it does. Because, I mean, but they tell us all the time, you know, I'm just, you know, why are y' all splitting up? What's going on? Well, we just want to be happy. We're not happy and we go back to being happy.

I look like this another day and.

I'm like, well, where are you going to go? What is she going to buy? What is she going to do? Well, what does she look like, this person that would make you happy? You know? And so I really challenge people who are on the quest of happiness to quit looking around. You and look in you. Because if you fix what's in you, you can live anywhere and be happy. Mother Teresa probably went down as one of the most pleasant, most giving, most loving people on the planet. And she lived in the cesspool of life. She went and embedded herself in some of the most needy areas of the planet and was nothing but an inspiration. She shined with a light. What is that a result of? The condition of her heart, her spirit, her soul. And if you get that right, I've always said if something. If there's nothing going on around you, there's nothing going on in you. If there's something going on around you, it's usually a result of what's going on in you. It all starts in here first. So what would you, in our parting comments, what would you encourage somebody to do who is right now saying, man, I just want to be happy?

Well, number one, I would say that it's a huge red flag to you. Don't take that as your green light to go for it. That I've just got a revelation that, ooh, I'm gonna be happy. And I don't care what it costs anybody. I don't care if it cost my marriage. I don't care if, you know, my children have to watch us go through a divorce. I don't care what it is, I'm gonna be happy. That's selfishness. That is selfishness. And it's rooted in self. It's rooted in self.

Nothing self ever makes you happy.

It's rooted in the enemy because he's the one who said, you know, I will ascend to the clouds.

I will. I will.

I will ascend to the clouds because I want, like you, I want to be this. I deserve Godhead. So that's rooted in the enemy. And you need to see it as a huge red flag, not a green light. And you need to seek help. You need to seek counsel to say what is driving me to live a selfish life, to feed my flesh, to be happy, because it's not of God.

Unhealed heart. You want to do a little plug for Living waters right here? I always like to do that.

You know, we do, because there are.

A lot of people like, I got a dm. I read you before we came in here, guy, just pleading for help.

Yeah, we do an eight week series on both campuses and we do some of them online too, called Healing the Heart at our east campus and our West.

Do we do that online? We don't do it. Do we do it online?

I'm not. Sometimes they do them different. Sometimes in person. Sometimes.

Forgive us for not knowing that. Sometimes I'm not sure where we do it.

If you need more, you know, help, go to livingwatersministry.com this is actually a place you can go in North Carolina. It's a retreat center. And they do a phenomenal job walking.

You through this process.

Uncover your pain that's driving you to make terrible decisions.

And even a little bit of that, that's not what we're designed for, but a little bit of it, even at our marriage conference, or at least you will come out of our marriage conference being aware of where you need to go get help.

And that's in February.

That's in February. Monterey, California. So go on the website, get signed up for that.

That's roncarpenter.com events. And we have an amazing women's conference coming up in January called Calling All Queens. And I have specifically on purpose situated it in San Antonio, Texas, in the middle of our nation to draw women from all over the United states. Go to hopecarpenter.com events. Get registered today. We love you. It's Ron and Hope Unfiltered, real, raw and relevant.

See you soon.