Young Dads with Guest Chase Carpenter | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Foreign. I usually let Hope do this part, but for the third one in a row, you can tell that Hope is not here. This is my son, my oldest son, Chase. But it didn't Hope. So the easier one to look at is still not here today. I think she's going to be back with us next week. But we got a great, great podcast lined up for you. I don't want you to go anywhere because Hope's not here. Are not the life of the party. This is Ron and Hope, Unfiltered, real, raw and relevant. We appreciate you guys. I want you to hit the like button. Hit subscribe. I want you to text somebody. I want you to tell a friend. Because every time more people, more eyes hit this, it helps us with these ads and it helps advertisers want to be a part of what we're doing. And then it helps us take our message and spread it all over the world. So everything has a domino effect. And it's amazing. Just your like and your subscribe button can help us do what we do. I don't know, Chase, you've done a podcast with me, haven't you?

It was a while ago.

Yeah. You've done one with me. I think Chaz has done two with me. Chaz is my middle child. And then Channlin, my daughter. If she knows her two brothers have done it, she's going to be twisting my arm to do it here pretty soon because my two boys don't care anything about being in front of a camera. My daughter loves being in front of a camera, so I'll probably have to bring her on soon. Here's what I want to talk about today. Our podcasts are usually about a half hour. I've told you, I've never been able to do the Joe Rogan three and a half hour thing. He's the goat. He does it better than anybody. But I just can't sit here half a day and do that. I have a little touch of adhd, I guess, but Chase, I wanted to interview him. I want to talk about what it means to be a young dad, what it means to be a young father, the challenges of being a young father. I'm going to try to get Chase to be real raw and relevant with you. I know the challenges that I had in raising my kids, and I was about 25, but Chase and Jordan, who is his wife, they had kids real early, starting with Zayden, our oldest grandson. And I've watched Chase maneuver. It's amazing being a dad and turning around and seeing Your kids maneuver through fatherhood, and hopefully they learn from you what to do, and hopefully they learn from you what not to do and have put both of those things together. And the next generation is better than the first one. So I don't have this thing scripted, Chase. I just kind of. I mean, even today, you're finding out what it's like to be a dad.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, that's right.

I was sitting there, you looking preoccupied. Before the podcast started, I said, yep, I've been there many times. Had to get. Get up and preach right after I'd gotten some type of phone call or I had to get up and do something right after one of my kids were sick or something happened or somebody was in trouble or come get them at so and so's house. I know what that's like. And you had a little bit of a phone call. Nothing big.

No, it's just a little tiff. Yeah, for sure. It's like right before this. Got a call from the school principal.

It ain't funny, but it is about.

My middle son, and it's nothing like crazy, but he's just. He's a really, really, really bad loser. He's just. He's awful at it.

I don't know where he got.

Yeah. I mean, look. I mean, I was. I was competitive, by all means, and. But I think. I think I like.

Yeah.

Well, from what I remember, I feel like I took. If I ever lost a game or anything like that, I feel like I was pretty.

I gotta own some of this stuff. I think it's in the bloodline. My mama told me I was a terrible loser. Even, like, with checkers. My days in Florida, when it was obvious to me I was about to go down. Yeah, I'd quit.

Yeah.

Because I was gonna leave before I'd let you beat me.

Yeah. Well, he was playing. He was playing sharks and minnows at recess, and the referee and three of the other kids told him he was out, and he didn't. I guess he disagreed with them. And him. Him and those three kids, they kind of just started arguing and got into a tussle, and it got brought to the ground, and, you know, nobody got in real trouble, but then they made up and everything's fine, but.

And then you get a call.

Yeah. So I got the call, and now I got a long talk that I have to deal with after this.

Man, I remember so much. What does. Like. So it's interesting to sit back and watch y' all do it. Now. Kellen is a terrible Loser.

Yeah, he's a hot.

I mean, let's just be. He's a horrible loser.

Yeah.

Nobody likes to lose. If you enjoy losing, something's not wired right. But, I mean, when I tell you he's a bad loser, I don't care if it's video games. I don't care if it's kickball.

Yeah.

I don't care if it's him playing baseball on Saturdays and pitching. He absolutely loses it when he loses.

Yeah.

And so, you know, here we are raising kids, and already, you know, we got to find a way. All right. It's all right to be upset. We got to find some way to manage. We got to find a way to manage that competitiveness so you don't end up throwing hands at some kid out on the plate.

I've been. In my head, I've been battling because I. I don't want him to. To think I'm coming at him and I'm right, but he has to. But at the same time, he's gonna. I have to be somewhat, in a way, stern to let him know this can't happen. Like, you know, it's hard to. For a kid to get it in their head that, you know, losing is a part of life. You know what I mean?

It's a part of it.

But kids don't want to hear that. They just want to win. And, you know, I gotta. I just got to figure out a way.

Losing is a part of winning.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to win. Yeah. Our losing is a motivator.

Yes. Yes. You. You take. You take losses, and you learn from them. And you don't repeat the mistakes that caused you to lose the last time. And losses are supposed to make you better. I will tell you what I heard. I heard a quote from Bill Gates one time. I have a lot of difference in his opinion. When Bill Gates. But, you know, the owner of Microsoft, one of the richest men in the whole world, he said this one time, he said, winning is a terrible teacher. And I thought, wow, that's interesting. Then he finished it. He said, because when you win enough, you don't think you can lose. And so if winning is a terrible teacher, losing must be a good teacher. But I, you know, I remember the days of, you know, sitting there and watching you, watching Chaz, who was a polar opposite of you. It is amazing. I thought, how can two kids come from the same place almost? And y' all were polar opposites. And then Chandler was, a few years later, my daughter. But it's amazing, as a father you gotta learn each kid's buttons. You gotta learn each. Because what would correct you would not correct Chaz. And what would correct Chaz? And then Shanlin come along and you got. And your daughter was last too. And that changed the whole ball game because y' all make fun now at Thanksgiving and stuff about how Chandler never got spanked. Well, she didn't. Because honestly, girls have got these hormones. So I would look at your mama, things that you would have got spanked for. She would pop off at me and I'm like, all right, do I bust her behind or do I let that slide because it's that time of the month or something like that. That girl just changes everything.

That's how. Well, even with Remy, because she's, you know, she's about to be six with the boys. I'm, you know, I'll definitely do more when it comes to discipline than I would her. And it's not really because she's a girl and they're boys, but it's just because really just me, like, even raising. Getting on to her, raising my voice a little bit, like, is enough. And it does what it would do to the boys.

I could raise my voice to Chandler and she'd hyperventilate. I could raise my voice to you, and it didn't do anything, you know, so you have to find out all your kids buttons. Let me ask you a question. Instead of just talking back and forth, I made up my mind, said, I want to interview you. I don't want to correct. I don't want to teach. I just want to interview. Because we got a lot of young dads out there, and a lot of these young dads are trying to work. They want to be a good dad. Mom has needs. The grass has got to be cut. The oil has to be changed. There's ball games in three different places. All this stuff is going on. The bills have got to be paid. Inflation's going up. Everything costs more, and it's going up faster than everybody's paycheck. And I'm just sitting here. When you're 40, 50, maybe you've lived long enough to just know how to navigate these waters. But when your dad's still in your 20s, what's your biggest challenge? I try. When you get up every morning, what's the thing that I don't.

I don't worry. I try to eliminate, like, the oil changes and the grass cuts and all that stuff is just some. Some things that are just gonna have to be done. And it's just life And I don't know, I, I feel like I just try my best to. Because the kids don't care about that. The kids don't care or know about an oil change or a grass cut, and the kids are just, like, they just want to be with you. So for me, I, I, you know, you're not going to be perfect, and you're not going to be on time to all the baseball practices, and there's going to be book bags that get forgotten at home, and, you know, things are just going to happen, and you just got to roll with it. Like, you know, I feel like, in a way, like, even when I first had my first son, I never really. It happened so fast, and like, I never really obviously was prepared, but I never felt like I was never that dad that was in a panic because I just, I don't know if it's because, you know, I had a good support system or, or what, but just, like, inside of me, like, it was like the, I don't know. I just. The fatherly instinct, I guess, came naturally to me.

I agree with that.

And it's. And I try not to think too much about all the things that I missed and all the tiny things, because I try to think about.

A lot of the things that makes a great father. I do agree. Comes natural to you. You didn't have to try. You didn't read a book. You didn't go to a parents conference. It just, it comes naturally to you. I had something happen a while back, and I don't know if I told you this, but, man, it was very, very meaningful for me. And both the kids. You know, a lot of times we have both the boys stay over at the same time. Very rarely do we have them over one at a time, but most time the boys come over and they come over together because they're kind of close in age, Zayden and Kellen. And I was doing. It was nighttime, everybody got showered up, everybody's brushed their teeth, they've been playing some video games. I'm like, all right, guys, it's time for bed. And I went in there and had prayers with him. You know, I quoted, I think I quoted one of the psalms, like the 23rd Psalm, Lord is my shepherd. And I had prayers with him, and I was leaving. They said, man, man, that's my name, Man. Man. And they said, wait a minute. You didn't plead the blood over the. Is it the windows?

The doors, walls and windows.

Windows, doors and walls.

Yeah.

And I said, what? They said, you didn't plead the blood over the windows, doors and walls. And for those of you wondering what that is, every night of my kid's life, I would stand at the door seal and I would plead the blood of Jesus. Because we believe firmly that the blood of Jesus creates a line that the enemy can't cross.

I remember even when I was like, I'd be 16, a teenager, and I was in my mess, and I'd. I didn't obviously sleep with my door open at that time, but there would be some times where I'd just be laying in my bed and I could.

Still hear that touch, hear that tap. And I did that all the way until y' all were no longer in the house. And then to know what that did was that told me something, that told me you have employed that for me and you've did it in your kids. And they would not let me leave the room until I did that. That's how important that was to them because it made them feel safe. Made them feel safe. And I sat there and I almost got a little bit emotional, and I'm like, wow. Because when you get my age, you can have a tendency. I don't care how much of a man of faith you are, you can have a tendency to just look at everything that you screwed up. Your age, don't do that yet. You got to live a little while. And then you look back, well, if.

You'Ve been through enough, you can.

Well, when you got as much or more in your rear view mirror than you got in your windshield, you start, did I do this right? Did I do that right? And you know, you can't go back and relive it, but, you know, it was one of those things, let me know, you know what, you did some things right and how much that must have meant to you. And then for you to turn around and instill that in your kids. And they were not letting me leave that room until I did it. That was powerful. How do you. Okay, a lot of people don't know it. You're not a bodybuilder, but you're very into fitness and all these things. Do you have a schedule? Do you just do it? That's a lot to manage. Three kids, a home, a wife. You working on the ministry with us. You coach some of your kids, teams, you're into fitness, this, that, and other. So I know my day is very planned. Is yours really, really scheduled?

Well, I mean, yeah, but they're honestly like. They're like here lately. And then the stage. No, they're all the same.

They're all the same.

So I mean, I wake up in the morning and then, you know, I'm taking a shower. Jordan's getting the kids fed and ready. And then when I'm ready, they're basically almost ready or ready and then we leave. I drop them off at school, I go straight to the gym after that, get a, get a quick, you know, post meal and then go straight to work and then pick them up at 3:00'. Clock and then either we go back to the office for a little bit or we head, head home. And then either, you know, if it's Tuesday or Thursday, sometimes Monday, we got baseball at night. And then, you know, it just, some nights, you know, we don't, I don't, you know, we don't really get to be at the house or the kids don't even get to be at the house until about like 9:30 at night, you know, so. But like I said, it just is what it is. Like, I mean, you just gotta do what it's part of what you got.

It's part of.

And that's just a responsibility. And honestly, like, if you're a father, it's just something that you're just gonna have to do.

Like, you know, one of my mentors told me one time, I don't want to name drop. I won't throw the name out, but it's a name everybody know. And talking to me one time, and I was actually talking with this person about you. It was in a time where you were really battling some of your battles. And I went there and I said, you know, I'm not doing something right. And he looked at me because I was really tormented by, you know, I want to do the right thing. And he said, ron, he said, when it comes to your children, he said, you don't always have to be perfect. He said, but you do have to be present. That was a powerful word to me.

I mean, I remember you told me that whenever he told you that, because you came up. Because I remember at that time I was still young, you came back to me like, I guess after that conversation. And then I'm not sure if it was like, like you apologized or. But you often apologize. Yeah, but I remember that and I, I do. Like, even to this day, like, I, I mean, I'll even catch myself telling other people that, like when they ask me, you know, because, you know, I've had people ask me, you know, the same stuff that you're asking me now, you know, and that's just, I Don't know. I just try to stress on it that, like, you know, you don't have to be perfect because you can't.

Like, you can't be perfect.

Like, especially as a. As a mother and a father, you're just gonna. You just have to take it day by day and just, like, you have to grow with them, you know, Like, I mean, but at the same time, like, you know, show them the way.

We've got a sponsor I want to talk about, but here's a question I want to come back to. So be thinking about it as soon as we get through with our sponsor. What do you and Jordan do when you disagree over something about the kids? Because I know those are some of mine and your mama's biggest battles was over y'. All. Something we should let them do. Something we shouldn't let them do. Should we let them go to their house? I don't want them to go to their house. Do you want to let them listen to that group? I don't want them listening to that group. And those are some of the. Y' all didn't see it, but we go back to the room, and that's some of the most ferocious arguments that we had. So I'm going to come back to that in a minute. Don't turn me off here, because I'm going to tell you we love our sponsors and every one of our sponsors, we participate and use their products on some level. So, you know, whenever I look at pictures of my kids from the past year or even just a few months ago, I'm so amazed at how fast they're growing up. I mean, I'm sitting here interviewing my son as a father now, and then it hits me hard. You know, I'm getting older, too, and that's why planning for my family's financial security has become top priority for the carpenters. Making sure we're prepared and have enough life insurance in case something unexpected happens and I would one day be out of the picture. This is crucial. And fabric by Gerber Life makes it simple to get the protection that is right for your family. Fabric by Gerbil Life was designed by parents for parents to help you get a high quality, surprisingly affordable term life insurance policy in less than 10 minutes. Wow. 2 Fabric has flexible policies to fit your family and your budget with quality policies like a million dollars in coverage for less than a dollar a day. It's all online. It's all on your schedule. No appointments, scheduling, or piles of paperwork. Just apply when it's convenient to you. You could go from in less than 10 minutes with no health exam required. There's no risk to apply. They have a 30 day money back guarantee and you can cancel at any time. Fabric has partnered with Gerber Life, trusted by millions of families like yours for over 50 years. With over 1,800 five star reviews. They're rated as excellent on Trustpilot. And Fabric has more than just life insurance. It's a one stop shop that also has free digital wheels investment accounts to let you save for your kid's future and manage your family's finances. Right. So your family's prepared for anything. Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply today in just minutes@meetfabric.com RonAndHope that's meetfabric.com RonAndHope M E-E-T fabric.com RonAndHope Policies issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company not available in certain states. Prices subject to underwriting and health questions. Well, the hard part. Talked about the schedule, talked about what it's like, remembered a few things and cracked a joke or two. But we honestly can't believe it. We're already about halfway through our podcast. How do you Jordan, you know, women don't like to read. Jordan's already 30, isn't she? You're 29. Yeah. You're 29. She's 30. Do y' all ever disagree about how to raise the kids and then just be. This is real raw and relevant. Me and mama tell this group stuff. We don't tell anybody else. What do you do when y' all disagree? Because not a war. And I'm not a fighter. I hate drama. I'm a peacemaker. I can't stand drama. And I think most men are that way. I'm, I want peace and I'll do everything I can to keep peace. But I do remember some of our deepest contentions were over what we thought was acceptable things for our kids. Do y' all ever hit that or y' all pretty much on the same page all the time?

I mean, no, definitely not on the same page all the time. But I would say that for the, I mean, for more than half the part we are. And plus, you know, our kids are really not at, I mean, they're, they're coming up on it, but they're not really at that age to where independent. Yeah. To where we would have to, you know, certain boundaries, certain things would have to, you know, be talked about. And, you know, because when they get older, obviously, you know, they get more curious and you Know, just, you know, that. But right now, yeah, there's definitely times, like, you know, especially, like, if one of the kids are getting on to the other, you know, stuff like that. And, like, you know, which one. Who. Which one really is in trouble or, like, who really did it, you know, like. Or if I jump the gun or if I walk inside and I already hear him yelling and she's already talking to him about it, and then I go and I'm like, inserting myself, and I don't really know anything is going on. You know, things like that happen, you know, And, I mean, this is how.

Your past affects you. You know, your mom. We talked about it. Your mom's mom and dad were just.

Yeah, wow.

Strict. I mean, just. There was. There was no flexibility, and you didn't get a voice. And a lot of that upbringing was really, really rough on her in a lot of ways. As. As we found out later, I came from the exact opposite. I love my mom and dad, but I. You know, I say my mom and dad just didn't have a clue. I had no curfew. I had no time to be home. They didn't know who I was with.

Yeah.

I worked jobs.

Naive.

Yeah. I just. They just didn't know. And I think that was because they just trusted me, and some part of it, I was trustworthy. Other things, they should not have trusted me at all. I said that. To say this, by the time I got to y' all and raising my own kids, I knew what no oversight had, what it can prompted in my life. But your mom was coming from. I can't do nothing.

Nothing. Yeah.

And so we came to y', all, and I would. And you'd be like, I want to go over to so and so's house. And I'm like, I get what Hope, man. I don't feel good about Chase going over there. Ron, if you don't let him start doing stuff, he's going to resent you. And those were the contention. Hope, I don't want them listening to that music. Did you hear that word in that music? But, Ron, if we're too religious and we would do those things because your mom was coming from a. She was never allowed to do nothing. I was coming from my mom and dad had no idea what I was doing. And so we would get in those battles. I think for the most part, we were better than 50%. We probably 60, 70%. We agreed on most stuff, but, boy, that 30 or 40. Yeah. And I tried not to do it in front of y' All. I'm like, baby, let's just speak about this over here. And I would leave y', all, and I would go talk it out. So how do you handle it? Well, when it's obvious y' all are at an impasse, how you handle it?

Oh, we go, obviously. Yeah. We just have to, like, either go on the porch or go to the master bedroom, bathroom or something, you know, but, yeah, that's usually.

All right. Tell everybody one thing that y' all not agreed on. Throw it out there. She thought this and you thought that.

I think it.

Yours was always music and friends.

Yeah, well, I think this one was about friends. I think it was about Zayden wanting to go over to a friend's house. And I had some knowledge of. Of the parents.

What's going on?

Not really what's going on. I just kind of. I don't know. I just didn't feel comfortable. And, like, I had just, like, known some things from, you know, the past, which, I mean, I can't say anything either, because if a kid ever wants to come over to my kid's house, you know, like, you know, I've got history, too, you know, but it's just. I don't know, you know, she didn't really know anything of that person or anything like that. And I just. And I remember, like, you know, he had really, really, really been planning this. And like, two other friends were going.

That's when you get pressure.

Yeah. And two other friends were going.

Cause that's when you're the bad guy.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And then. And, you know, and as a parent especially, you know, you do everything you can to not be that bad guy, you know, but there's just times where you just have to be.

So I don't know if y' all ever picked up on it or not. I know y' all ain't near as naive as maybe parents think the kids are, but that's one thing. The arguments I always had with your mom, if she was giving y' all permission to do something, I felt like, man, we don't need to do that immediately. That sets me up as the bad guy every time. Yeah. And I'm like, you, who wants to be the bad guy?

I remember. I remember plenty of times that, you know, mom had been saying yes, and then you giving me a call, like, 30 minutes later and scratching it, you know, and I wouldn't. And I obviously wouldn't understand or I'd get upset.

Well, I mean, you do.

Yeah. And for sure. I mean, because, like, you Said you knew what goes on, you know. You know, you probably knew what.

I just want you trust me. Yeah. I don't want to sit there and tell you all somebody's junk, but, you know, if I knew that there was some things going on that I didn't want you to be around or be exposed to, that's usually why I'd come and scratch it. But, you know, when you're a kid, all you know is, my dad just ruined.

I wonder if there's a way to ever break that cycle of, like, you know, maybe dad is right whenever you're a teenager, you know, because it's just everybody says that everybody thinks that their parents didn't know nothing, and then everybody who grows up tells their dad, you were right. I heard somebody. How do you fix that?

I heard somebody say, when you're a teenager, your parents are idiots. When you get in your 20s, you say, well, they know a few things. They say by the time you get in your 30s and 40s, they're like freaking geniuses. And that does tend to work that way. I didn't think my mom and dad were no idiots or nothing like that, but I knew they had no clue about my world. I knew they had no clue about it. Let me ask you this. You got Zayden, he's going to be 12, right? Yep. Well, it's hard to keep all these birthdays and all these ages. I know he's going to be 12. Boy, that's that middle school junior high time.

He's already in sixth grade now.

So I left this school year when they started it, and I came back and he had a whole different hairstyle. And I told Hope, I told Hope, I said, it's already happened. He already cares. He cares about the last time he was in California. I don't know if you remember, he asked me to take him shopping. Remember that? Yeah, man, will you take me shopping? He's never asked me to take him shopping. Yeah, I mean, he might want to go get a video game, but he wanted clothes.

Yeah.

So he asked me to take him shopping for clothes, and I took him out. We got him some stuff at the outlets, and then he got back and he had straight ironed his hair and had all this thing, hair up front. And I'm like, man, how young they care.

Yeah.

You know, I think I was probably about 14, 15 before I started having those feelings I get. Now he's 11 and 12.

Yeah. I get like a little, like a box. Like it's called Thread Beast box, where they Just send you like some clothes once a month. And like. And now he's gotten to the point where, like, he'll like some of the shirts in there a little bit too small and he'll go in there. He like, waits for that box to come in because he gets to go through it and anything that, you know, if I don't want it, he gets to take whatever he wants. And then now he's gotten to the things like, hey, dad, you think you could sign me up for getting a box every, every month? And so, yeah, it's definitely happening.

This shoe about as big as yours?

Yeah, I wear an 11 and a half. Right now he wears a 10 and he's 11.

So he's a big kid. He's going to be a big kid. Let me ask you this. Real raw and relevant. That's what it is. You're probably too young to be asking this question, but I'm going to ask you anyway because I think when you're in it, when chase, when you're in something, you don't have time to get out of it and look at it. Yeah, that's the hardest thing with me in ministry. Sometimes I need to get away from it and look at it to see what needs to be fixed. But like today, running, running, running, running, running, running. I mean, I have no time. When you're in it, it's hard to look at. Like I say, you can't see the forest for the trees. But now that I'm an empty nester and I look back, man, I wish I had done that. I don't live in regret. I think I did more right than I did wrong. But I look back, ah, wish I'd, man, if I had that do over again. Have you already, now that you're approaching 30, do you have a couple of things that if you could roll it back, you'd have done something?

Oh, yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

Really? Already shared one of them?

Yeah, for sure. I like. I mean, there's some people that know.

I.

Got court ordered to a rehab when I was, when Zayden was three months old. And obviously I'd love to go back and redo that so I don't have to miss those parts of his life. But even out of that, even getting out of that, I still continued down drinking really bad, alcoholism and you know, even though the kids were still so young and then Kellen was a baby, like, I still believe that, like, you know, it affected them, like, you know, hearing the, the fights and stuff. We thought that, you know, this since you know, they're.

They're.

They're kids. You know, they're 3:1. You know, their babies are not gonna, you know, affect it. You know, it's not going to affect them. And there's. I mean, so I've. And now I think part of the reason. Well, I just feel it in my gut. Feel like it may be God is kind of talking to me about what I need to handle later on today with Kellen. And I think that some of this, like, anger and some of this, I guess, hating to lose or whatever it is that it's gotten out of hand lately has stemmed from hearing me and his mom go at it during the time where I was.

Some people may not know your story. You got married. You were in rehab when you got married One day.

Yeah.

Chase really got dealing with some substance abuse, running with the wrong crowd, running with a lot of older crowd and this and that and other. And. And the thing about substance abuse is you think you got it, and you turn around one day and it's got you. And it did. It ended in a legal matter that took him away for his kid for a few months, his oldest one, Zayden. And while we're still in touch, of course, we had visitations and all that. It was still a while where he had to finish that out. You and Jordan are a miracle. Because when y' all married, things were tough. Yeah, things were tough. You know, y' all weren't both. It wasn't ministry.

No, it wasn't. You know, it was all. It was all very.

You were young, and things were tough quick.

We got married quick. And, you know, that I. I would say, you know, in a way, maybe, you know, we probably jumped the gun. I probably still believe that. That we would have, you know, probably ended up together, you know, definitely after.

I agree with that. But you, looking back, you could have put more of a plan.

Yeah. You know, and I just. I just. I feel like I missed out on when they were young, young, like, when they were babies, because I was too selfish and just worried about me and wanting to go hang out, party and just, you know, live the life that, like, I thought that I missed whenever I didn't get to go to college. And I didn't think. And it's just, you know, I just. I had a lot of things inside of me that were blocking me from what was right in front of me at that time, and I definitely would go back. And I think. I mean, I think anybody.

I mean, I don't know, anybody thinks they got it all right, if they. If they do, they probably would, but definitely that.

But so I think with Remy, you know, I've kind of redeemed myself and I've gotten that. That. That back, you know, because when I've been there ever since.

She's real attached to you. Yeah, she's real attached to you in a good way. Not an unhealthy way, but, I mean, you can tell that baby girl loves her daddy. And I ain't just telling you this because I'm your father. You have Chase. You've redeemed almost every bit of that because I've told people. I said one thing Chase amazes me at is out of all that rough start, how good a father he has evolved into. And other people have come to me and they noticed you, and they're like, man, I'm gonna tell you what. Chase is a fantastic father. And this is in this day and time, the fatherlessness in a generation has about destroyed it. And so in a day where we've got so many people who never got to have that in their life, your kids get to have it, and they get to have it every day. Because there's very few things, honestly, you even talk about you and Jordan need to date more because you're always with your kids. And the fact is, there's very few times when you're not around your kids and you're not doing something with your kids, and it is amazingly proud for me to see the kind of father you have become, because then it makes me like, well, I did something right because I get to take a little bit of pride in that, too. So anyway, I'm going to end it with this right here. All right, let's say you got a. They see the heading on YouTube and they're like, bunch of young dads who are like, man, they're trying to pay the bills, you know, they're trying to learn what it is to be a good husband. They're trying to learn what it is to be a good dad all at the same time. What would you tell them if they sit down with you and say, man, I need some help?

I think my answer is really, it's going to be a whole lot easier than what. What, you know, and it's not going to be a crazy, you know, long, drawn out answer. I think that from what. From my experience, I think you just need to just give yourself a break and that. And just. You just got to understand that as long as you're trying, as long as you're present, that's really all they see.

You mean cut yourself some slack? Yeah, yeah.

You got to. Because I mean, like, then you're just going to wake up every day just worrying, am I a good dad? Am I a good dad? Am I a good dad? Am I doing this right? And that's exhausting. You're going to wake up one day and you're going to not be a good dad. And you're going to wake up one day and you're going to correct it and you're going to wake up next day and you're going to go through spurts where you've been a good dad for weeks and months and months. Then you're going to have that one day where you mess up. It's just like. It's just life is just what's going to come. Come with being a parent. And I think that a lot of people try to overthink it and they think, well, I was raised up this way and I don't want this to happen, so I'm gonna overdo it this way. And I just think that you just raise your kids like you would want to be raised, you know?

Yep. I don't think I got. I cut myself much of a break. I was tough on myself. Yeah. My thing is, I'm not tough on myself publicly. It's when I'm. It's when I'm in private and when I'm all alone and I have time to think and have time to rehearse things.

I'm the same way.

Yeah. It ain't like drowning in sorrow. It ain't like. It ain't like that. But it's like, you know, I do get to spend time a lot by myself. I have a lot of commute when I'm on the West Coast. I got almost an hour drive in, an hour drive out. I don't really listen to radio or nothing like that. So I get a lot of time to think. And you can't help but think sometimes of scenarios where, you know, you missed it or, you know, you should have been there. This, that and other. Maybe things could have been different. I didn't cut myself much of a break. So I think that's going to be something everybody's going to listen to and say, you know, I needed to hear that. Because the fact is, nobody's tougher on us than us. Nobody's tougher on us. Here's what I think everybody's got to do. I've been really on this kick lately, being self aware. I tell people, be a Self aware leader. Be a self aware parent. Be a self. Aware. I really try to know what I can do and what I can't do and be all right with it. I really try to understand what I'm good at and what I'm not good at and be all right with it. I used to not be all right with it if I wasn't good at it. And now I'm okay, so I walk into a room, I need you guys to do this. Why? Because I'm not good at that. I do know what I'm good at, but I'm not good at this. And then what's my Achilles heel? What? You know, I tend to have low tolerance on this and I tend to cut these kind of people no slack. And so I'm trying to be aware. Okay, this is what I do well. This is what I don't do well. This is where I'm strong. This is where I'm weak. I think you got to carry that not just in life, but you got to carry it in parenthood. And, you know, there's some times where I would look at your mom and say, you need to handle this.

Yes, exactly. Let them pick up where you can't. Yeah, for sure.

I'm not good at this. I can't do this part. I can't say it like you can say it. And I need you to handle this one and not be too proud to do it. Because I think when you were born, I had this thing in my mind where I had to have this big S on my shirt and I had to be the guy.

And for a while I believed it too.

Well, and I'm going to tell you something. But life will blow that up. Life will blow that picture up.

And that I understand at that point you thought that's what you needed to do.

Yes.

But you found out later that that was the worst thing to do.

Can't do it.

You have to show them your flaws. You got to show them that you're not perfect, you know, because then I.

Didn'T want you to see. Yeah.

And nobody does.

Nobody wants you to see it. I didn't want you to know it. I want you to see it. I want you to. I want you to like, man, that's my dad, you know, because. Because really I can deal with everybody else's opinion if I know my family likes me, if I know my kids think I'm a great dad. And I know my wife thinks I'm a great husband. All these 2000 comments on Sunday in my thread and some of them eat me up. I really could care less because the people that matter to me like me. And that's the big thing. You know what, guys? I just. I just want to encourage you. I want to encourage you not just young dads, but old dads, anybody that's a dad, because it is the one role, if you're ever introduced to it, you'll never stop. You're going to be a dad till you die, and you're going to be a dad all your life. And it's not that you stop being a dad. Dad just changes. And I have to navigate through what it was like for him as a baby and what it was like for him as an adolescent, what it was like for him as a senior in high school, what it was like for him as a young married man. And you have to change the way you interact and respond. Our conversations now are like two adults. It ain't like a father and a kid. You have to change, manage and accommodate that. But I just want to encourage you. What Chase said, what I said, you ain't got to be perfect. Quit trying to be perfect. You got to be present. They got to know that you're there. There is safety in knowing that you're accessible and that you're there. And when they call on your name, that you're going to answer. There's safety in that. It does something to build security on the inside of them. And the thing that Chase said, cut yourself some slack. Screwing up is a part of life. It's a part of learning and it's a part of growing. The main thing is just try not to make the same mistake twice. I was listening to a guy, me and you are big South Carolina fans, and they got this freshman that they said could potentially just be this lights out quarterback. And they were asking the coach, they said, what do you like best about him? Because he's still 18 years old. And they said he's the kind of kid, he usually don't make a mistake but once. Very rarely if he makes a mistake does he go back and do it again. And I'm like, you know what? That's a high compliment. I said, God, make me like that. If I make a mistake, I only want to make it once. I don't want to make it a hundred times. So we love you guys. Hope something about this has encouraged you. I've done several of these now with my kids and I've been doing with my youth pastor lately and some others, because I'm just trying to get another generation's take on the world and what it looks like. And then maybe if I can throw some wisdom in here or there, I'll do that. But tell somebody about the podcast. Remember, subscribe, remember, like it, and share. And Hope's gonna be coming back real soon, and you're gonna see her beautiful, smiling face. And we'll go at each other like we always do, cutting up and laughing and doing what we do. But until next time, thank you for being with us. This is Ron and Hope. Unfiltered, real raw and relevant. Love you guys. See you later.