5 Barriers to Effective Communication | Jack Canfield

In difficult times, it's more important than ever for people to know how to communicate effectively. Because if we're ever going to work together to solve our problems, we need to be able to talk to each other and understand what the other person is really saying. So today I'd like to talk a bit about some common barriers to effective communication and how to recognize and overcome them so you can communicate more openly and more effectively with everyone in your life. Now, as the founder of my company and a member of its management team, I have sat through numerous management team meetings and also full staff meetings, many of them multiple day meetings. And I have witnessed that every time we get stuck in not moving forward is when someone refuses or is reluctant to say what they really think and feel. Or when someone does not seriously attempt to really listen to and fully understand where another person is coming from. And it is only when the truth does get fully expressed, and when people truly hear and understand what the other person is saying, that the breakthroughs occur. And that's why learning how to communicate effectively is so important. So let's take a look at some of the major barriers to effective communication and what you can do to ensure they aren't preventing you from getting your point across. And the first one I think a lot of people have trouble with is the fear of simply speaking up. A lot of people find it very challenging to communicate what they really think or how they really feel about something. Maybe they're afraid that people won't listen to them or they won't believe them, or. Or maybe they're worried that they'll be criticized or attacked for what they have said. And so they remain silent and put up with situations that aren't serving them. And of course, because they remain silent, the situation never improves. Does this sound familiar to you? Do you ever find yourself getting irritated or frustrated by something, but you're reluctant to say anything to the people who are causing the situation that's bothering you? Or maybe you have ideas on how to improve the situation, but you tend to keep them to yourself because you're nervous about how people receive your ideas if you speak up. Now, if that does sound like you, then I strongly encourage you to feel that fear and take action anyway because it's important for your happiness and success that you do share your thoughts and your feelings with others. See, you are a valuable individual and your ideas need to be heard. So please, when you notice yourself remaining silent when you have something to say, get into the habit of taking the risk and simply speaking up. And here's the cool part. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Now you may even want to join a group like Toastmasters to become more experienced and more comfortable with speaking up and sharing your thoughts with others. And you can find a local Toastmasters group next to you, near you on the Internet. Now, the next barrier to effective communication is what I like to call blurting, or speaking before you're really clear about what it is you want to say. Now, this is pretty much the opposite of the fear of speaking up. This is what happens when someone is prone to blurting out whatever's on their mind without taking the time to consider it carefully or clearly understand what it is they're trying to say. They're more reactive than responsive, and this makes effective communication much more difficult for several reasons. First off, that hastily expressed comment might have nothing to do with the situation at hand, so it just derails the purpose of the conversation and might send it off in a different direction. Or it might be pertinent to the situation but actually served to make things worse, perhaps because you didn't stop to consider the impact your words might have on the other person or the other persons in the conversation. And if you find yourself piping up in the middle of a conversation and blurting out your thoughts before you're clear on exactly what it is you want to say or aware of how it will impact the conversation, I want to encourage you to get into the practice of pausing for a moment before you speak to to consider your thoughts carefully and to ask yourself these four powerful questions. Is what I'm about to say kind? Is it true? Do you know for sure that what you're about to say is true? Is it necessary? And finally, is it helpful? By running thoughts through that filter, you'll do a much better job of communicating your thoughts in a way that contributes to making the situation better rather than worse. Now, the next communication barrier I encourage you to watch out for is your unwillingness or your seeming inability to listen to what the other people were actually saying. A lot of people don't realize that hearing and listening aren't the same thing. Just because you're hearing the other person's words doesn't mean that you're actively listening to what they're saying and seeking to understand what they really mean. So many of us, when we're having a conversation, are so busy thinking about what we have to say, what we want to say, that we barely pay attention to what the other person is saying. And this is especially true during an argument we want to make sure that we're explaining our point of view clearly and irrefutably and maybe get in a few zingers and while at the same time we're doing it. So all of our focus is on making our point or winning the argument instead of listening to what the other person is saying with the intention of really understanding their point of view. And on top of that, many of us operate from the belief that we already know what the other person is going to say. So when they're talking, what we're actually hearing is the words we think they're going to say rather than what they're actually saying. And so the ideas and feelings are trying to communicate go completely right by us without us registering them at all. And obviously that's not a great way to communicate. So what I encourage you to do in order to overcome this barrier is to learn how to be an active listener and then intentionally practice. Now, this involves shifting your attention away from the words you want to say and focusing on instead on working to understand what the other person is saying. And when they're done talking, before you share your response, first communicate back to them what you think they've just said. You can say something like, so what I'm hearing you saying is, or if I'm understanding you correctly, you believe that or you feel that, and then describe what you think they just said. And that allows them to clarify any misunderstanding you might have so that you can respond to what they actually mean instead of what you think they mean. Now, effective listening is an extremely important success tool. If more people would learn to listen, well, I promise many, if not most of the world's problems would get solved almost overnight. Unfortunately, most people are talking at each other instead of with each other. Now, the fourth communication barrier you want to watch out for is your fear of transparent honesty. A lot of us are very uncomfortable with telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When we are communicating, we worry that complete transparency will somehow expose us to some kind of harm or make us look bad. We're afraid of what other people might think or how they might react. Honesty makes us vulnerable. And if we hide our true selves away and people reject us, we can always tell ourselves that their opinion doesn't matter because they don't really know us anyway. But if we show the world who we really are, what we truly feel, what we deeply believe, and then they still reject us, that might mean that there is really something wrong with us. But it's only by being honest with each other and ourselves. That we can truly understand each other and and also achieve our full potential as human beings. And it's also extremely important to be open, honest and vulnerable if you want to experience true intimacy with someone. So if honesty and complete transparency are things you struggle with, I encourage you to learn how to open yourself up more fully and become more comfortable with who you truly are. Learn to love yourself as you really are, warts and all, and remember that how people respond to you is all about them and and not about you. Recently, someone in the support group Call shared something really vulnerable about the abuse that she suffered as a child. It was really scary for her as she felt somehow ashamed of her experiences and how wounded she had been because of them. But what happened on that call was everyone felt a deep level of love and compassion and support for her. And afterwards she felt a whole lot lighter and a whole lot freer. Now, finally, the last communication barrier I want you to be aware of is, is the fear of your own emotions. Many of us shy away from saying what we really want to say because we have a lot of emotions tied up in it, and we're afraid that those emotions will overwhelm us if we try to communicate our true feelings. The idea of crying in front of other people or losing our temper and shouting is something most people try to avoid at all costs. And so we bury our true feelings and we never say what we know deep down needs to be said. But this way of being will never make your life better. Now the only way to deal with powerful emotions is not to hide from them, but to allow yourself to feel them fully so you can process them and release them. As we say in coaching, the way out is through. If dealing with powerful emotions is something that is difficult for you, I encourage you to check out eft, the emotion freedom technique often referred to as tapping. As I mentioned in many of my videos you've probably seen, there's a great free app that's been developed that you can use to guide you through tapping on all kinds of emotions and limiting beliefs. It's called the Tapping Solution app. It's created by my friend Nick Ordner, who wrote the book the Tapping Solution, and you can find it online at the App Store and many other places online. It's a very powerful and effective way to process and release difficult emotions so they no longer control you or inhibit you from you showing up fully as the amazing, fully human person you are. So those are the five barriers to effective communication that I encourage you to watch out for. Fear of speaking up, blurting or ill considered communication, the inability to listen properly, the fear of being honest or transparent, and the fear of your own emotions. And by recognizing how these barriers are impacting your ability to communicate effectively, you can learn how to say what you really want to say and more completely understand what other people are really saying to you. And this will make you a better partner, a better parent, and a better leader. Now, before I go, I want to point out that there is a powerful free tool beneath this video that I encourage you to download and use whenever you need to have a difficult conversation with someone. You'll see the link below the video and this tool will walk you through the process of setting up a safe space where you can communicate your true thoughts and feelings and listen to what the other person has to say so the two of you can achieve an effective resolution to without letting powerful emotions get in the way. Because life is too short to deal with misunderstandings or important things that are left unsaid, being an effective communicator is one of the main keys to enjoying deep, joyous and fulfilling relationships with all the people in your life. So starting today, I encourage you to improve your communication skills and improve your whole life in the process and let me know what you think in the comments. Thanks again for watching. Now, if you found this video helpful, please make sure you like it, share it with a friend or family member who may need it, and subscribe to my channel for more videos like this one, and for some additional exercises and tools for communicating effectively. Make sure to visit jackcampfield.com and check out the links in the description below.