7-Day Mindset Challenge: Stop Complaining! | Jack Canfield

Have you ever noticed how much you complain? It's something we all do, and whenever something bothers us, we tend to complain about it. But not only is complaining an ineffective response to something, it actually holds you back from resolving the situation that's bothering you. So this week I would like to challenge you to take part in a seven day mindset challenge that will help you transform your complaints into actions that get results. Now, if you're like most people, you may find yourself complaining a lot more these days. After all, there's a lot more to complain about. We're living in very uncertain times right now. The pandemic has been going on for months and doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon. A lot of people are unemployed or facing layoffs. People are protesting systemic racism, which has people confronting their own unconscious racism, perhaps for the first time in their life. There's discord on the streets and an election coming up that's causing a lot of friction between a lot of people. There have been all sorts of issues with our supply chain. Income has gone down, our buying habits have changed. So many things are happening on a larger level, let alone in your personal life. You may have to be teaching your kids while trying to get your work done at home, or you may be worried about your kids being back at school. If schools in your area have already opened up or about to open up, there's a lot of extra stress, which means a lot of things to complain about. But here's the thing about complaining. It will never get you the better results that you want. Sure, you might get some commiseration from other people who think like you do, and that might give you a momentary feeling of validation. But your actual circumstances won't change in any way. The problem will keep coming back over and over and over. Now, there's an equation I always teach my students. You probably encountered it with me before, goes like this. E R O, and that stands for event plus your response equals an outcome. So when something happens in your life and you don't like the outcome, the only way to get a different result is to actually change your response. And if you want to change the outcome, you've got to change that response. Whatever event you're dealing with, whether it's losing your job or dealing with a family member who refuses to wear a mask during a pandemic, when your response is to complain about it, I guarantee you will never get the better outcome you seek. So today I'd like to walk you through the process of transforming your your habit of complaining into taking action that actually gives you the results you want. And the first step of the process is to simply become more aware of when you complain. Now, awareness is the first step to change, because if we don't realize that we're complaining, we can't change it. Now, for many of you, complaining is a habit. You've been doing it for many, many years. And I remember for me, reading a book while back called a complaint Free World by Will Bowen about a church in the Midwest where the minister decided he was going to have a 21 day, no complaining challenge to see how long people could go without complaining. Could they actually go for 21 days without a complaint? Turns out, not so much. It took several months of consistent trying and failing before the people in that congregation could go 21 days without complaining. It's such an ingrained habit. Now, whenever I hold one of my live seminars, I always have two fishbowls at the front of the stage. And if anyone in the room is caught making complaints about the weather, about the traffic, about the temperature in the room, whatever it might be, they have to pay a $2 fine. And it's not to punish them, but it's to get them to start paying attention to their thoughts and how often they complain and to realize there's a cost to their complaining. Now, if someone makes a request such as, I'd like to know if it's possible to get the temperature to go up, that's perfectly fine. It's a request, not a complaint. The person is trying to find out if there's any way to change the situation that is bothering them. And that's the next step you've got to take to transform your complaints into results driven action. You've got to figure out if the situation you're complaining about is something you can change or not. So what you do is you ask yourself, is this something I have any control over? Is there something I can do to fix this? If I'm complaining about a political candidate, I can donate money to the opposite candidate. Can I become more involved in politics? Can I join a peaceful demonstration? Can I start a petition or a letter writing campaign if I'm complaining about the children making too much noise? Again, ask yourself, is there something I can do to figure out how to better occupy them? Or can I wear earphones when I'm working to block out the noise? So if it's something you can influence or fix, then your next step is to take action and to fix it. But if it's something that you can't change Then what you have to do is realize that you have a choice to simply stop complaining about it. It is just the way it is. You don't have to be putting yourself through that feeling of frustration and helplessness. You know, one of the things I love that Byron Katie teaches in her work is that there's my business, there's other people's business, and there's God's business. My business is something I can actually do something about. How you raise your children is your business. How I raise my children is my business. A tsunami in Japan or Indonesia, that's God's business. I can't do anything about that. So it's useless to spend time thinking about it or even feeling bad about it. Now, if you want to donate money or volunteer time to relief aid, that's great, but complaining about it is simply a waste of time. So you've got to look at what you actually have dominion over and what you can do and then ask yourself, am I willing to do it? Now, one of the things that complaining does is it makes you weak. It keeps you in a powerless condition. And often people do that as a way of avoiding to have to take an uncomfortable action. It's easier to complain about it to anyone who will listen than to do the thing that actually is uncomfortable. That will get you the result you want. But if you don't take action, you're going to remain stuck right where you are. So this month, as a way of beginning to lean into letting go of complaining, I want to challenge you to take part in my 7 day no complaining challenge. And the goal is to spend the next seven days paying attention to your thoughts and your words and noticing every time you complain. Your first goal is to simply notice when you complain. And I encourage you to write down your complaints if possible, so you become even more aware of how often you complain and and what you tend to complain about. And once you have a greater awareness of how often you complain and why, your next goal is to remind yourself that you have a choice. You can choose not to complain and instead you can take a different approach. You know, you can complain about the aches and pains in your bodies, or you can do the things that remove those aches and pains. You can get more exercise or take an online yoga or Pilates class. You can eat healthier, non inflammatory food. You can drink more water and get more sleep. You can get a massage. You can use essential oils like cbd, or take supplements that improve your joint and muscle health and make your body feel better. Or you can sit around and simply complain about it, you always have a choice. If you're complaining about things that are beyond your control, then I encourage you to simply let it go. Think about something else instead. Focus on the positive things in your life. Practice gratitude for those things. Focus on the things you can change and then take action to change them. Now another thing you can do is take a seven day vacation from watching the news. If you find yourself complaining about the things you're seeing and hearing on the news. And finally, when you do notice yourself complaining about what Byron Katie calls your business, in other words, something you have the power to change, then I encourage you to stop your complaining and to take whatever brave action you need to take to change it. Even if the idea of it makes you uncomfortable. What you'll see is you're going to be amazed at how much your life will improve and how little you will have to complain about when you do. And let me know what you think in your comments. Thanks again for watching and here's to kicking the complaining habit once and for all. And if you found this video helpful, please make sure to like it, share it with a friend or family member who may also need to watch it, and go ahead and subscribe to my channel. Subscribe for more videos like this one and from additional exercises and tools for cultivating a positive results focused mindset. Make sure to visit jackcampfield.com and check out the links in the description below.