This is a short transcript excerpt from a 2011 YouTube interview where Alison Armstrong explains that women seek a "wow" reaction from their partner—focused attention and verbal acknowledgement (e.g., "wow, you look beautiful")—because that attention enables connection and a sense of safety. If the primary partner fails to offer this attention, women may seek validation from others.
Chapters
So one thing I know about, or I think I know you'll probably correct me, but one thing I think I know about women is they want to attract men into their life. I mean, my wife, we've been married 12 years now or something like that, and she literally still wants to be attractive to other men and not to, like, get them into her life in any major way. But some guy walked by the other day and went, oh, he looked at me. That was really nice. You know, you talk about the qualities that men are really attracted to in women, and they're a little different than I think most people would think they are. You want to comment about that?
Yeah, I would, but can I make a comment about what you just said?
Sure. Please. Do.
Women need the wow? We need the wow. We get all dressed up for you, and, you know, we come out of the bedroom or we walk down the stairs, we make our grand entrance, and what we most need is for you to look up and go, wow. Now, usually you're focused on something else, and you miss the wow moment. And unfortunately, what happens to us is if we don't get the wow we need from the man, you know, which is worth everything, then when we go out into the world, we look for the wow from other men because we need someone to notice us. And what it goes back to is that attention and interest are a woman's greatest opportunity to connect. If you're paying attention to me, if you're interested in me, then I can connect with you. And if I can connect with you, then I'm safe.
Got it.
My connection is the source of my safety.
That makes sense. That's why the parallel. Let's talk while I'm watching NFL football doesn't work.
Yes, yes, But I want to connect. I got to connect. I got to connect.
You need my eye contact and my full attention to do that. Yeah, I can think about the wow moment, too. I've seen my wife dress up in that wonderful outfit before. We're late by 10 minutes. Let's go.
Yes. Yes. You look great. Let's go. Right.
And you're saying for her to feel really connected, and to me, I need to stop and say, wow, you look beautiful.
Yes.
Wow.
Yes.
Okay, got it.
If you do that, it's just handled. She doesn't need wow from anybody else. She got it from her man, the source of her safety, the guy who's going to protect her. She doesn't need anybody else to protect her.
