Don't Compare Yourself to Others | Jack Canfield

Hi, I'm Jack Canfield and today I want to talk to you about the danger of comparing yourself to others and give you a few simple strategies to use when you find yourself feeling envious or jealous of others or discontent with your life, resentful or even depressed about someone else's accomplishments and experiences. Now, as a reminder, I release new videos every week, so click the subscribe button and the Bell icon to receive notifications when I release new videos. Now, Former President Theodore Roosevelt once said, comparison is the thief of joy. What I say is comparison is the fast track to misery. I want you to take a minute and think about this. Have you ever compared yourself to someone else and came out exactly even? I doubt it. It never or rarely happens. We almost always compare ourselves to someone that we think is better, smarter, thinner, taller, shorter, more attractive, better dressed, more popular, more famous, wealthier, or more successful. And that leaves you feeling less than. And if you think you are somehow less than them in some way, you then convince yourself that they wouldn't want to talk to you, be your friend, go out with you, or do business with you. On the other hand, if you compare yourself to someone and you think you're better than them, then you think you shouldn't waste your time with them. In either case, this kind of comparison creates separation. You don't reach out to connect or interact with them for fear of being rejected or or for fear of wasting your time. This is one reason why there are so many lonely, unfulfilled and unsuccessful people in the world. Comparing yourself to others has gotten worse in recent years because of social media. There's no question that one of the downsides of living in a world where everyone is connected to everyone else through social media is the constant temptation to compare yourself to everybody else. Every time you log on to Facebook or Instagram, you see posts from people gushing about how great their lives are. In today's world, you're constantly bombarded with an endless stream of perfectly shot photos of your social media friends looking fabulous and enjoying the most amazing good times. Vacations and parties with their friends, family and their colleagues. And every time you go to read the news, watch TV or read People magazine, you see countless stories about all the rich and successful TV and movie stars, successful entrepreneurs, young tech millionaires and billionaires, Instagram models, successful rappers and celebrity DJs, and some people who are just famous for being famous. And then you look at your own lives and you get depressed because you're 20 pounds overweight, you haven't gone anywhere on a vacation for years, your kids aren't perfect, your relationships are complicated, you're not famous, and the last picnic you went to got rained out. And here's the research that will probably come as no surprise. Research has shown that time spent on social media feeds increases depression and envy and decreases well being. Now, the bottom line is that comparing yourself to others is a dangerous habit to get into. As I stated earlier, whenever you compare yourself to someone else, you're almost always comparing yourself to someone who you think is better than you in some way. You may compare your looks to those of a movie star or celebrity model, your income to the income of your boss or your wealthy neighbor, and your happiness to the happiness of someone who seems to have their whole life figured out. And when you compare yourself to someone that you already decided in your head is better than you in some way or another, you are always going to come up short. Now listen to this. This is amazing. This is from Robert Redford, arguably one of the most handsome men that's ever lived, a super successful movie star and a director, a producer and a successful philanthropist. And this is what he said in an interview that appeared in Esquire when Robert Revver was 51 and his fellow actor and friend Paul Newman was 61. Quote, he said, I probably say Paul Newman's my best friend. A couple of weeks ago we went out to dinner with him in Connecticut and I'm thinking to myself, God, here's old Paul. What is he, 60, 61? I don't know. He looks great, feels great, he has a lot of money, gives to great causes, he's in love with his wife, races his car when he wants to, makes a movie when he wants to. He's incredibly happy and still has that face that looks the way it did when he was 20. God, by the time we got home, I wanted to shoot myself. Now that's Robert Radford. So as you can see from this example, all comparing yourself to others ever does is make you feel bad. It doesn't help you improve yourself or make your life better in any way. It just fills you with negative feelings and steals time and energy from you that you could have devoted to something far more useful and far more productive. So today I'm going to give you some tips on how to catch yourself when you're falling into a comparison tailspin and show you how to change your thinking so you end up feeling great about yourself and what you do have in your life instead of bad about what others have and you don't have. And if you Find yourself falling into the comparison trap. You can refer to this guide to to help reclaim your happiness. Anytime you're feeling stress, having low self esteem, need motivation, experience fear, or when any negative scenario might arise in your life. All right, let's get to the tips. The first tip is to focus on your own inner needs first. Realize that continuing to think negative comparison thoughts and experience the negative emotions that thinking these thoughts creates, such as envy, jealousy, resentment, and bitterness, is harmful to your mental, physical and spiritual health. It's like you're drinking a poison that's making you sick and you keep doing it. You don't need to do that. So whenever you find yourself feeling envious of someone else's life, notice what you're doing. And first, simply stop doing it. Log off of Facebook, stop looking at Instagram, stop gossiping with your friends, put down that fashion magazine or turn off that tv. Whatever it is that's causing you to fall into the comparison trap, simply stop doing whatever is triggering the comparison. Now, the problem with simply stopping something is that if you don't replace it with something positive, something I call the law of the vacuum will pull it back in again. You always have to replace a negative thought or habit with a positive one. And that leads into my second tip, which is to focus on what you do have and not what other people have and. And you don't. Let's call that the law of replacement. Replace your thoughts of what you're lacking with thoughts of gratitude for what you have. No matter how successful or attractive or wealthy you are, there's always going to be someone out there who is more successful, more attractive, and wealthier than you are. I just read that Jeff Bezos, his net worth increases by $250 million a day. That's not going to be my life. So comparing myself to that is stupid. So here's the deal. Think about this. Their lives have zero impact on you and absolutely no bearing on what you might accomplish with your own life. So stop wasting your attention and energy on those people. You will experience so much more joy and satisfaction if you focus on what you already do have. So take time to think about all the things in your life that you have to feel grateful for. Start with the little things. You're alive. You're free. You're not in prison or a concentration or a refugee camp. You know, I just had an assistant in my annual Breakthrough to Success seminar. Share with me that he was almost killed in Cambodia during the revolution and then spent 10 years in squalor in a refugee camp. In Thailand. Now today, millions of people are displaced all over Europe from Syria and Yemen and other countries where there's wars. So focus on the fact that, that you're not one of those people. That you have running water, workable toilets, food in your refrigerator, a computer, a television, a cell phone. You know, half the world's population don't have those things. Think of the dreams you have for your life and the qualities and skills you have that will help you make your dreams come true. And remember this, what you focus on grows. Now my third tip is to remember that social media never tells the whole story. Sure, that person you're comparing yourself to on Facebook or Instagram might look wealthy and successful, like her life is perfect. But what you may not be aware of is that she may be struggling with an addiction to painkillers and her daughter is anorexic. Sure, your colleague at work might be attractive and successful in successfully climbing the corporate ladder, but what you may not know is that his kids live in a different city with his ex wife and he never gets to see them and is tearing him up inside. Now my point is this. You never see what people's social media posts don't tell you. And I promise you, everybody is going through their own difficulties. Nobody's life is perfect. Not mine, not anybody's. Everybody has challenges and secrets that they don't share. So whatever you imagine the gap between your life and their life to be, I guarantee that it's nowhere near as big as you think it is. I've met a lot of very wealthy, very famous and very powerful people in my life and I can tell you that many of them are no happier than you are and many are less happy. So stop comparing yourself to them and wishing you had their life and focus instead on figuring out what you can do to create your own happiness. The same thing goes for comparing yourself to the people that you actually do interact with on a day to day basis. Because comparing yourself to others wasn't invented by social media. I'm sure you've heard the phrase keeping up with the Joneses. Unfortunately, there have always been people who have used the success of others in their lives as a yardstick by which to measure their own success. When you see your neighbors drive their new car into their driveway, or your best friend just purchased that new large 4D high def television, it's easy to think you need to also have one to be enough. It's good to evaluate your progress and your growth in life, but the only yardstick you should be measuring yourself against is the yardstick of your own values and your own standards and your previous accomplishments, not the accomplishments of others. Instead of asking if you're as happy or as wealthy or as attractive as someone else, ask yourself if you're as happy or as wealthy or as fit and attractive as you want to be without comparing it to anyone else's reality. If you want something better of yourself, just go for it, but don't do it because you are trying to keep up with someone else. Do it because it's something you want for you, because you believe it will make you happier and and you more fulfilled. Now I'd like to hear your thoughts about comparing yourself to others. After watching this video, have you ever found yourself falling into the comparison trap? Were you able to pull yourself out of it and get back on focusing on yourself? If so, how did you do that? If you feel inspired to share, please leave a comment below with your answer to those questions. I'd love to read what you have to say. So thanks for watching today. And remember, nothing in your life will change for the better until you do. Now, if you found this video helpful, make sure you like it, share it with a friend who may need it, and subscribe to my channel. For more videos like this one, and for some additional resources on why you shouldn't compare yourself to others, visit my website@jackhamfield.com thanks again for watching.