Fall Back in Love! | Jack Canfield

I want to wish you a happy Valentine's Day. Now, for some people, especially those who are in a romantic relationship, Valentine's Day is a happy excuse to send roses, eat chocolates, and maybe go out for a nice dinner and celebrate your love for each other. And for others, especially those who are single but wish they weren't, this holiday can be a painful reminder of what you wish you had in your life. But regardless of whether you're in a committed romantic relationship or not, Valentine's Day is a still a great opportunity to stop and take a moment to celebrate all the love that you do have in your life. And so today, I'd like to walk you through what I call a quick love cultivation exercise that will help you fall back in love with love itself and feel a lot more positive about your life and your relationships, whether you're currently in a romantic relationship or not. There's no question that one of the most wonderful experiences in life is to be in a safe, committed, loving relationship with that special person. But there are many different forms of love in the world. The love for your parents, the love for your brothers and sisters, the love for your children, your pets, your closest friends, your fellow soldiers, your spiritual leaders and teachers, and the people in your spiritual community, and even the people you might not have personally met, but who inspire you. And then there's also the experience of agape, which is the Greek word for a more universal, unconditional love, often referred to as the love of God for humanity and the love of humanity for God. Now, many of us think that someone or something outside of us has to do something to awaken or ignite that feeling of love in us. Your child doing something cute, your husband bringing you a dozen roses, or your mother telling you how wonderful you are, or your son telling you he appreciates the sacrifices you've made for his education and so on. But the truth is that love is the essence of who you are, who we all are. And the key to love is to remove all the barriers that separate us from our natural state of being, which is love. We don't have to have a reason to love any more than the sun has to have a reason to shine. It's simply the nature of the sun to give off light. It's what it is and what it does. And that is the essential truth for all of us as well. Now, there are definitely rituals and practices that can help us more fully experience and express our love. And I love to facilitate some of those in the groups and trainings and workshops that I Lead things like meditation, breathing exercises, singing and chanting together, dancing together, hugging each other and playing non competitive games, and simply having fun together. Talking about what we're grateful for and sharing what we appreciate about each other, releasing our unrealistic expectations of each other and sharing our authentic feelings, forgiving ourselves and each other, and releasing our guilt and our resentments. These are all things that generate more feelings of love, or maybe should I say release the feelings of love that are already under there. And there are lots of activities and practices that are always available to us, no matter where we are and whom we're with. And one of the most important things to understand about love is is it all starts with fully loving yourself. Now I know that probably sounds like a cliche, but it's true. It also probably goes against some of the things you were taught growing up. Most of us were taught that loving yourself is selfish, vain, or thinking you're more important or more special than other people. But self love is not that at all. It's about valuing and loving who you are, enjoying what you're good at, and not worrying about the things you're not good at, and not feeling inadequate in any way. It's about not comparing yourself to anyone else. It's about not trying to be who or what you think other people want you to be, but being who you truly are and doing what brings you the greatest joy and the greatest fulfillment. And the funny thing is that the more you can love and accept yourself as you are, the more you'll be able to love and accept others as they are. And here's another truth about love. If you don't love and accept yourself, you won't be able to accept and receive love from others. If you don't think you're lovable, you won't believe it when people tell you you are. If you don't love yourself, you won't trust those who tell you they love you or who try to express their love for you. And if you've been hurt before because someone left you, you'll try to protect yourself from being hurt again by rejecting their love. But when you realize that you yourself have an unlimited source of love for yourself because that is who you essentially are, then you realize that you don't need another's love. So you can open yourself up to receive whatever love is there for however long it is there. So the bottom line here is that if you want to experience more love in your life, you have to start with loving yourself. So here are a few things you can do to do that, a simple exercise you can start with is to take a piece of paper or page in your journal or a word doc in your computer and and label it what I Love about Myself. And then take some time to make a list of everything you love about yourself. And this is not a time to be humble. It's time to acknowledge and own all of your good qualities. And please don't think of this as bragging. Acknowledging the positive things about yourself is simply stating the facts and allowing yourself to develop a healthy understanding of all your positive characteristics, qualities, talents and skills. So if you're a good cook or a patient, loving parent to your children, or if you're good at basketball or golf or running, or if you have nice handwriting or you're helpful and caring friend to others, or if you're a good artist or you love to play the piano, I want you to write all those things down on your what I love about myself list. Include absolutely everything you can think of. And then when you're done, I want you to read through that list from beginning to end, out loud if you can, and really allow yourself to feel a deeper sense of appreciation of what a lovable and capable and worthy person you really are. And then put that list somewhere where you'll see it and read it every day for 30 days. And also make sure to add any things that might occur to you along the way as you do that. And if you really want to amplify the power of this exercise, stand in front of a mirror as you read your list and look at the list. Read one item at a time. Look into your eyes in the mirror and say it out loud, one thing at a time. Start with the words I want to acknowledge you for or I love you for or I love how you. For example, I might say I want to acknowledge you for being a really good cook. I love how you're being willing to try on new things like taking that painting course and signing up for that salsa dancing class. I love your beautiful brown eyes and your wavy hair. I want to acknowledge you for taking the time to exercise almost every day. I love your sense of humor. I love how you courageously share your truth with your family and friends. And always make sure to end this with one final sentence. I love you and appreciate you for loving and appreciating yourself. And make sure to do this exercise for 30 days in a row. There's a whole bunch of neuroscience research behind that that I don't have time to go into right now. But to get the maximum Value from this. Take five minutes a day and do this every day for 3:30 days. I promise you it will be worth it. Now, this can be a great exercise for your whole family to do for you and to do for each other as well. You could Simply set aside 15 minutes one evening after dinner and do it as a family exercise. Now, the next thing I'd like you to do to fall back in love with love is to focus on how much love you actually have experienced in your life. The exercise I'd like you to do is to make a list of all the people you love and who you know love you. And then take the time to write down everything you love about each of those people. And as you write, take the time to consciously generate a deeper feeling of appreciation for each person and what they bring into your life. Now you can also write down all of the different ways these people have shown love for you in the past or on a day to day basis. Take a moment to acknowledge that they did those things because they love you. And when you're done with that list, I want you to close your eyes and sit in that feeling for a moment and appreciate all of the wonderful people who have shown you love in so many different ways throughout your life. And remember, there is love everywhere when you open yourself up to it. Now, this is not to discount that there are difficult moments in life of rejection, of meanness and cruelty and injustice. In the world there is that for sure. But even in the midst of all that, there are always moments and aspects and acts of love as well. And they can be expanded by looking for them, acknowledging them, and choosing to focus on them. Now, the last thing I'd like you to do, and you don't have to do all of this in one sitting, is to think about the wider world and write down everything you love about it. The books you enjoy reading, the shows, the movies you love to watch, the music you love to listen to. The things in nature you appreciate. Like the sound of the water washing over the rocks in a stream in the woods, or the singing of the birds, or the sunset over the city skyline at night, or the sight of the moon illuminating the ice covered branches of a tree on a cold winter's night? The different species of plants and animals we share the planet with? And what about the food you love to eat and the beliefs you have that give you comfort and meaning? The technology that makes your life easier? And the beauty and the mystery of the cosmos and the kindness of strangers and the cuteness of baby animals and the incredible scientific discoveries that are being made every day. So write down everything about the world that makes you happy. And when you're done writing, I'd like you to close your eyes and sit for a few minutes with that feeling of appreciation for everything there is to love about life. And finally remember this. The truth is that underneath all of the ways you may have built up to protect yourself, and all the limiting beliefs and fears that you may have, your essence is pure love. And if you're watching this right now, it's because you were meant to be reminded of that, to be called back to the recognition of who you really are, which is a beautiful person worthy of your own love and the love of others, with every day an opportunity to more fully step into that experience. And the more you take time to acknowledge and express that love, the more you'll attract that same level of love from others. Now, if you found this video helpful, and I hope you did, please make sure you like it, share it with a friend who may need it, and subscribe to my channel. For more videos like this one, and for additional success strategies and resources on how to thrive in life, visit my website@jackcampfield.com make sure to check out the links in the description below. Let me know what you think about what I've shared with you today in the comments below as well. And thanks again for watching.