How to Build Self-Confidence | Jack Canfield

As I'm sure you're painfully aware of, we're living through unprecedented times right now. And often unprecedented times call for unprecedented measures. But taking unprecedented measures often means stepping outside of your comfort zone. And for many people, this is a very tough thing to do. It involves taking risks and venturing into the unknown. And if you don't have a strong sense of confidence in yourself and your ability to achieve your desired outcomes, it may be hard for you to find the courage and the faith you need to take that big step. So today I'd like to share the secret of how to build the self confidence you need to take action and to do what you need to achieve your goals. First, I'd like to tell you about a time that I had to develop the self confidence I needed to move beyond my own comfort zone. It's about when I first began my speaking career. It started off when I was a high school teacher. The first day, I had to face a full class of students staring back at me. And it was definitely scary, but it was the job I had trained for. And after years in university and graduate school, I definitely needed the money. And so I had no choice but to face my fears head on and figure out how to speak to those students in a way that captured them. Now I had 38 students in my class, and it took some time. Some days were better than others, but I celebrated the good days and I learned from the bad days. And eventually I became comfortable with standing in front of the class and speaking to that group of kids. But then I guess I got too good because I was nominated for teacher of the year and I won. And after that, my school wanted me to teach all the other teachers in the school. That was about 130 teachers, and that was a little more nerve wracking. I had to speak to a much bigger audience and they were my peers. But I did it and I survived. And so more opportunities began to come my way. And eventually I became comfortable with speaking to audiences of my peers. And then I went from talking to 100 teachers at a time to to 300 teachers at a weekend teachers conference. And then I remember I was supposed to speak to a conference of 1,000 managers and staff who worked at Boys Clubs. And I had to follow Norman Vincent Peale, who was this very famous speaker. He'd written a best selling book and he was a great speaker. So I was nervous. I remember going into the restroom, into the men's stall, and I closed the door and I sat down. I just sat on the toilet. There Fully dressed in my suit, and I closed my eyes and I visualized getting a standing ovation at the end of the speech. And then I went out and I did the talk. And you know what? I got a standing ovation. So I survived that experience. And again, I got more comfortable speaking to audiences that numbered in the thousands. And now I've spoken to groups of 3,000, 10,000, and once a convention of 20,000 dentists. So it's just a matter of slowly building up to larger and larger challenges. Now, would I have been able to kick off my speaking career doing a talk for 20,000 people? Not in your life. But because I started small and took small but manageable risks, over time I was able to work my way up to where I am today in my career. So here's my big secret on how to build your confidence. You do it by taking risks. And every time you survive a risk, you build your confidence. Now remember this important principle. Increased self confidence is the result of surviving a risk. So how do people learn to walk on a high wire? Think about it way above and it's a circus. And it's like, you know, 100ft down. Well, they start by walking on a two by four that's one foot off the ground. And so no big deal if you fall off. You fell a foot, you land. We all did that as kids. We walked on the curb, we walked on fence rails and so forth because we knew if we fell it was not a big deal. But then they just kept raising the bar and eventually you're walking on a tightrope that's a foot off the ground or two feet off the ground, they just keep raising it. And that's how we learn to get comfortable, by having little increments of growth. So if you want to build your confidence, I encourage you to take small risks. They don't have to be big risks, but they do have to scare you just a bit. Because once you survive them, you will realize that you're capable of doing scary things. And that will inspire you to aim even higher and take even bigger risks. And the more you succeed, the more you'll believe in yourself and your ability to accomplish whatever you set your mind to. I'd like to share a technique that will make it easier for you to do that. Take that small risk that I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is visualization. When you visualize yourself taking a risk and succeeding at it, you will be far more likely to do so. Because here's the thing, your body cannot tell the difference between a real event and a vividly imagined event. Now, to give you a sense of what I mean and show you how powerful your thoughts are, go ahead. And if it's possible, close your eyes for a minute and just think of the best day of your life. Where were you? Were you alone or with someone else? What were you doing that made that the best day of your life? There might have been one overarching theme. You were out on a fishing boat, or you were in a meditation retreat, or you were at a spiritual retreat, or you were just watching your children play at the beach. Or it might have been a series of things that happened that day, just a full day of amazing events. And as you remember that event, notice how you're feeling. Notice the muscles in your face right now, the energy you're feeling in your head and in your chest. And now I want you to remember a day that wasn't so great. Maybe not the worst day of your life, but something like where you were on 911 and you first realized the planes had crashed into the World Trade Center. Or maybe it's when you realized you were going to be sequestered at home during the pandemic and you couldn't go to your job anymore. Or maybe it was the death of a loved one, or the day you got fired from a job or you lost a client, or maybe when you got injured in an accident. Think about that for a moment and notice the expression on your face now. Notice how the energy feels in your head, in your face, your chest. How does your breathing feel now and now? Because you always want to end up on a up energy. When you do this kind of demonstration, go back to that best day of your life, back to where you were. If you were alone or with others. Were you at home or out in the world somewhere? What time of day was it? What was the weather like? Notice that feeling of well being again, the feeling of happiness and joy, Feeling that life's working, everything's fine, wonderful. Notice how that feels. And then go ahead and open your eyes and come on back. Now, the only reason I did this was to show you that simply by having a thought, you're affecting your entire physiology. And so when we think happy thoughts, we get happy physiology, we end up feeling good. And when we think negative thoughts or thoughts of loss, thoughts of grief, thoughts of challenge, thoughts of obstacles, adversity, thoughts of fear, thoughts that make us angry, we have a different response. Now, visualization works in the same way. When you decide to take a risk, you can visualize yourself going through that experience and achieving a successful outcome. The more clearly you're able to visualize yourself having this positive experience, the greater your chances of actually having that experience. Visualization is a very, very powerful success tool. I know a lot of Olympic athletes who've won gold medals and say that visualization had everything to do with it. Every day for years, they visualize themselves achieving the highest possible level of athletic success. They visualized themselves on the stand, receiving the medal around their neck, and their bodies had that same physiological sensation of living through that visual experience. It's when the time came they were able to make that vision a reality. One last thing that I hope is fairly obvious. Preparation, study, training and practice and skill building and role plays and practicing your speech, practicing your sales pitch, working out in the gym, practicing the piano, memorizing the lyrics of the song you're going to sing. All of that will also build your self confidence. Preparation, really important. So anyway, that's how you build your self confidence. You take risks and you survive them. You don't have to start big. In fact, it's better to start small and work your way up. As long as it challenges you to step up just a little bit more than you were before. It will spark that feeling of wow, I did that. Way to go me. And that will also grow your self esteem and your own belief in yourself. And remember, when you take risks, you can increase your chances of succeeding by visualizing yourself taking the risk, having the experience, and achieving a positive outcome. And when you're able to see yourself as someone who can accomplish the goals you want to accomplish, you will be more likely to do so. It's what's called a self fulfilling prophecy. So to kick start the process, I'd like to have you take time in the next day or so and write down everything you have accomplished in your life. Take 20 minutes to have fun. I mean everything, no matter how big or small. You got your driver's license, you graduated high school, you kissed that someone you liked, you raised kids, you got that job, you went on that travel adventure, you took care of your sick mom, you overcame a childhood trauma, you survived that breakup. Every single thing you accomplished that took mental, emotional or physical effort, I guarantee you will see you've accomplished a lot more than you think. And then once you get to the point where you truly can't think of anything else to add to the list, read through the entire list. Remember, you are someone who is capable of accomplishing lots of great things. You're capable of setting goals and capable of achieving them. Not only that, you're capable of experiencing challenges, failures and setbacks and surviving them. You're capable of falling down and picking yourself back up and trying again. You're capable of learning from your mistakes and and using that learning to succeed on your next attempt. So if your negative self talk is really loud and it makes it hard to accept or appreciate these positive truths about yourself, you may want to look into eft, which stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. Tapping It's a powerful way for you to let go of limiting beliefs that may be holding you back from unlocking your full potential to be all you can be. In my book, Tapping into Ultimate Success, we'll show you how to do this and you can buy it on my website@jackinfo.com or you can go to Amazon.com or any other online bookseller. But in the meantime, this week I challenge you to take one small risk. Do one thing that scares you just a little bit. And before you do it, remember, visualize yourself succeeding at it. You may be surprised at how easy it is for you to turn that vision into your reality. And let me know what you think in the comments too. So thanks again for watching and subscribe. And remember, you can achieve anything you can imagine in life. It just takes you taking that first step. If you found this video helpful, please make sure you like it, share it with a friend who may need it, and subscribe to my channel for more videos like this one and for some additional exercises and tools for building self confidence. Make sure to visit jackcampfield.com and check out the links in the description below.