How to Deal with Difficult People | Jack Canfield

Hi, I'm Jack Canfield, and I'd like to talk to you today about how to deal with difficult people without becoming one yourself. Welcome to this week's video. As a reminder, make sure to click the subscribe button and the bell icon to get notifications when I release new videos. All right, let's get started. You know, it's ironic, isn't it? We're taught math, science, and history in school, but we're rarely taught what to do when dealing with a challenging person or a sensitive situation. Well, it's not too late. From now on, if you don't know what to do, you can use Tung Fu. Now, what's Tung Fu? Well, it's a series of martial arts for the mind and the mouth techniques my good friend Sam Horn has developed for what to say when you don't know what to say. Now, she has written about these diplomatic, proactive responses in a book called Tung Fu that's now been published in 17 languages around the world. Now, Toung Fu is not about getting back or hitting back if someone's being unfair, unkind, or inappropriate. And it's not about reacting and saying what's on the tip of your tongue, which almost always makes the situation worse. It's about holding your tongue and responding to stressful situations and difficult people with responsible, respectful words that have the power to turn conflict into cooperation. It's about keeping your cool and being a class act even when other people aren't. Now, here are five of my favorite Tung Fu tips from Sam's book. I hope you find them useful. Kung Fu Tip 1 is about what to say when people complain about something. When people complain, don't explain. Instead, take what she calls the AAA train. When people complain, don't explain. Take the AAA train. Now, explaining why something went wrong or wasn't done makes people even angrier because explanations come across as excuses. Instead, the three A's are agree, apologize, and act. For example, you can say, you know, you're right, Mrs. Smith. We were supposed to send that material to you last week, and I'm sorry you didn't receive it yet. If I could please have your email address again, I'll personally send it over right now. Voila, the complaint is over. Now, Kung Fu tip number two is what to say if you're accused of something untrue. Whatever you do, don't defend or deny untrue accusations. If someone says, you women are so emotional and you protest, back with, we're not emotional, you've just proven their point. Instead, put the conversational ball back in their court with what do you mean? Asking an accuser to explain him or herself will cause them to reveal the real issue and then you can address that instead of reacting to their attack. Imagine someone says, you don't care about patients in this office protesting. That's not true. We do too. Turns us into a back and forth. Yes, we do. No, you don't. Debate. Instead, ask them what makes you think that? Now they might say, my appointment was half an hour ago and no one's told me what's going on. Okay, now you know what's really bothering them and you can thank them for bringing this to your attention. Apologize for the delay and let her know the doctor will see her now versus engaging in a debate about whether you care about your customers or not. Now, Tongfu tip number three. Is this what to say if people are blaming, shaming or fault finding? Halt what's happening with a hand gesture? No, not the ones you're thinking about. Here's the deal. If people are arguing with you or with each other and you try to talk over them, guess what will happen? They'll just all talk louder. The voice of reason will get drowned out in the commotion. Instead, put your hand up like a traffic cop. This universal signal to stop will cause them to pause for just a moment, which gives you a chance to jump in and get your verbal foot in the door and then say these magic words. Look, we're here to find solutions, not fault. You can even quote President John F. Kennedy who said, our task is not to fix blame for the past, it's to fix the course for the future. Now, if people start pointing fingers again, make a tea with your hands and call time out. Calling each other names won't help. Throwing each other under the bus is not going to fix this. Instead, let's focus on how we can keep this from happening again. Now, Toung Fu tip number four is what to say if you have to give bad news. Don't use the apathetic words. There's nothing we can do about it. There's no way. Now, if you're a hotel manager and someone is grumbling to you about the rain, don't say there's nothing we can do about the weather. We're not Mother Nature. The words there's nothing and there's no way come across as an apathetic dead end. People will conclude that you don't care and they'll get more loud and in your face in an effort to make you care. Instead, use the empathetic words I wish or there's something to let people know you're trying to help. For example, I wish I could bring out the sunshine for you. I know you were really looking forward to some beach time or I hope it clears up soon. But in case it doesn't, here's a list of rainy day activities you can do so you can make the most of your visit here even if the sun doesn't want to cooperate. Now, you can't always give people what they want, but if you have to deliver bad news, you can at least offer options versus shrugging your shoulders and giving the impression you don't care. Now, Toung Fu tip number five is what to say if you have to reject someone's request. Turn no you can't because into yes you can as soon as now imagine you have a customer in a restaurant who's asking, can we be seated early? We're going to a movie and we only have 45 minutes to eat. And you say no, you can't because we're full and we don't have any empty tables. While that's the truth, the customer will get upset because he feels you're brushing off his request. The words can't because are like a verbal door slamming in people's face. Instead, you can reword your response to sure you can as soon as or yes, you can right after. For example, yes, we can seat you early. That couple over there are paying their check and will seat you there as soon as they leave and we have a chance to clean their table. A single mom once told Sam, I can't wait to use this idea at home. My kids see me as a big meanie because I'm always telling them no. Now the next time they ask if they can go outside and play with their friends instead of saying no, you can't because you haven't done your homework. I'll say, sure you can as soon as you finish your homework. And now, instead of me being seen as the one blocking them for what they want, now they're the ones who are responsible for doing what's necessary for getting what they want. It changes the whole dynamic of our relationship, she said. Now, I hope you found these tongfu tips helpful. And because these ideas are probably really new to you, I'm going to suggest you actually watch this video again. And this time take notes on the five steps and then practice these techniques as soon as you can. And if you want more tung Fu techniques, make sure to check out the book Tung Fu by Sam Horn. And now I'd like to hear your thoughts after watching this video. Which one of these five Tung Fu techniques do you think is going to be the most valuable for you? And if you feel inspired, and I hope you do, please leave a comment below with your answer. I'd love to read what you have to say. And thanks again for watching. And remember, things in your life will only change for the better when you change first. Now, if you found this video helpful, please make sure to like it, share it with a friend who may need it, and subscribe to my channel for more videos like this one. And for some additional resources on more effective communication skills, make sure to visit my website at jackcampfield. Com. Thanks again for watching.