How to Deal With Your Ego | Jack Canfield

Hi there, I'm Jack Canfield. Today I want to give you a few tips to help you break free from the negative influence of your ego in order to live a happier life. Have you ever said something like, I've been hurt way too many times. I'm done. I'm not letting anyone get close to me again? How many times have you said this or something like this, or how many times have you felt this way but you've just never said it out loud? How often have you acted on feelings like these? And how many times have you felt stuck in a life that you had no control over? Well, chances are you have felt this way at least once or twice in your life. Pretty much everyone has at one time or another. And you may have even said the words to a friend or one of your family members. But what happened then? Did you get up, shake it off, and move on? Or are you still clinging to that earlier decision? Many people do indeed move on, even when life seems a little bumpier for them than others. But unfortunately, some people continue to live there, stuck in the hurt, the fear, the anxiety and the disappointment and the resignation that comes from a life that isn't going the way they thought it would or the way they wanted it to. They think that by taking the stance of not playing in order to not get hurt again that they're actually protecting their heart from being hurt again or preventing themselves from experiencing disappointment again. But that's a mirage. It is the self deception of the ego. And in order to truly live happily, you got to break free from it. The weird part is that your ego is actually trying to protect you from further pain, but is actually keeping you in a prison and keeping you from fully experiencing the magnificence of life and all of its joys. Now, there's no question that there is some pain in life. As the saying goes, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Now, in an attempt to shield ourselves from life's natural pains, the death of a pet, a loved one, a job, or a dream, we also sacrifice the corresponding joy of experiencing fulfilling relationships, another pet, or another fulfilling job. Now, real life is a beautiful, messy mixture of good and bad, ups and downs, smooth paths and bumpy trails. It's important to remember that each experience we have, whether we perceive it to be positive or negative, is also an opportunity for growth. The problem is that many of us have a skewed view of what is good and what is bad. There's an old Chinese parable that I love that perfectly illustrates this. There was once a Chinese farmer who bought a horse and one day the horse ran away, and the farmer's neighbor said, oh my, that's bad. That is very, very bad. To which the farmer replied, well, maybe so, maybe not. Who knows? One day the horse came back and brought another horse with it. The farmer's neighbor said, oh my, you had one horse and now you have two. That is good. That's very, very good. To which the farmer replied, well, maybe so, maybe not. Who knows? One day the farmer's son was breaking the new horse and it threw him, breaking his leg. To this the neighbor said, oh my, your son broke his leg. Who will help you with the harvest? This is bad. That is very, very bad. To which the farmer replied, well, maybe so, maybe not. Who knows? Well, not long after that, the army came around recruiting young men in the area, and they passed the farmer's son right on by because of his broken leg. The neighbor, of course, had to comment, oh my, your son did not have to go to war. That's good. That's very, very good. To which the farmer replied, maybe so, maybe not. Who knows? Now, when you release your perception of the good and the bad in life, you will find a freedom that will allow you to grow in the most incredible ways. People will purposely or inadvertently hurt you. It's going to happen. Life will sometimes be unfair. You can't control that. But what you can control is how you let it affect you and how you respond. Remember my formula of E R O events plus your response to that event produce the outcomes you experience. It's not what happens to you, it's what you tell yourself about it. The meaning you make up, the story you tell that determines how you feel and what you experience. Now think about what are the things that worry you and how much of that worry is taking over your life. Then I want you to consider this. Those things you're worried about, the negative things that you think might happen, they aren't even real. Whatever it is, it hasn't happened yet. It isn't a reality yet. It's just you imagining something in the possible future. Say you're worried about not getting that job you applied for, and then you don't get it. What then? Usually, you just set off on a new set of worries. How will you pay your bills? Will you ever get a job? There are any number of new worries that you can spin into and spiral down into because worry has become a habit for most people. The truth is, worry changes nothing. It's a response to an event that produces no better outcome. All it does is feed your fear and anxiety, which can paralyze you, keeping you from enjoying life and even causing you to miss out on great opportunities. That is your fear driven ego taking over. Look at worry for what it really is and do these two things instead. First, replace your negative worrying with imagining the positive outcomes you want. It's just a simple conscious choice to change your thoughts and your images from the negative to the positive. Second, come up with some constructive actions you can take to create what you want. Ask your friends, ask some mentors or coaches for advice on possible solutions. Search the Internet for answers, read a relevant book, and then take action. You know, worry has been described as negative goal setting. You're just sitting there visualizing what you don't want. Now you bring about what you think about. So if you worry about something, you're more likely to attract it into your life. If you simply replace the worry with positive thoughts and images and you're programming yourself to come up with solutions and you're attracting, through the law of attraction, more of what you want in your life. One of the tricks of the ego in its misguided attempt to protect you, is to make you believe that if you controlled everything, then you would be safe. Unfortunately, it is the opposite. That's true. You see, the more you seek to control people, things or outside situations, the more control you end up wanting and the less control you actually have. It's a vicious cycle that the ego pulls you into, making you think that if you only controlled it all, you would find ultimate peace. But here's the deal. It will never happen. The truth is you will find yourself frustrated, frantic and anxious. Always afraid to let go, when in fact the solution is to let go and release control. So just acknowledge to yourself that you can't control everything. And the truth is that you don't need to anyway. When your ego is controlling you, you will never find peace or happiness. Your identity is not tied to those things you're trying to control. Just let them go. The only thing that you can control are your reactions to those things. And when you stop trying to control everyone and everything around you and allow things and people to be the way they are, including allowing yourself to to be the way you truly are. Honoring your true feelings, your deepest desires, and trusting your intuitive guidance and your inspirations and allowing everyone else to do the same, life gets much easier. You're no longer worrying about or working to get everyone to love and accept you. Just allow everything to be so. I invite you to put your ego in Check and uncover a new attitude. Choose positivity and choose optimism. Love people the way they are and approach them from a place of love. Just make sure it's pure love and don't let your ego skew into a manipulative, controlling mess that ends up hurting you and them. Remember, true love heals and uplifts. It's liberating and it's inspiring. Learn to recognize the difference and forgive those who have hurt you. And then take another step and forgive yourself. It's time to give up both guilt and resentment. Now here's an important concept that can change your life forever. Everyone, including you, is always doing the best they can to meet some basic need they have with the awareness, the knowledge, the skills and the tools they have at the time. If they could have done better, they would have done better. Whatever anyone may have done to you in the past, they were doing the best they could to survive, to meet some basic need to feel included, to feel important, to get whatever they felt they wanted and needed to complete some past traumatic event they might have had in their life. It was a statement about them and their self worth and not a statement about you or yours. Now one last thing and it's something you'll hear me harp on a lot. Practice gratitude for everyone and everything. Focus on the positive aspects of everything. What did you learn? How to develop your empathy and compassion for others? What qualities or strengths did it require you to develop? What hidden gifts were there that you couldn't see at the time? When you are grateful, there's no room for resentment, complaining, jealousy or envy. And when you're grateful, you can find joy wherever you are and you always, always have something to be grateful for. You just have to look for it. And when you release yourself from your fears created by your ego, you'll find peace, you'll find happiness, and you'll find contentment. And you will grow more, feel more, and be a greater blessing to others. Don't you want a fully lived life if you do work to let go of the fear that is being created by your ego today? Now here's your homework to complete after watching this video carefully, choose how you respond to events in your life, how you choose to interpret the events, how you choose to think about and talk about what's happened, and how you choose to act? If you want to achieve better outcomes, has your ego ever been in control of your life? If so, let me know in the comments. Thank you for watching and remember, nothing will change for the better until you do. Now if you found this video helpful. Make sure you like it, share it with a friend who may need it, and subscribe to my channel. For more videos like this one, and for some additional resources on how to become a more positive person, visit my website@jackcampfield.com thanks again for watching.