Jack Canfield teaches the mirror exercise: look yourself in the eye daily and say "I love you" to build self-esteem. He also recommends practicing requests in low-stakes situations, finding accountability partners, and role-playing conversations to overcome shyness through repeated small wins.
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Back in the late 1980s, I did a lot of work in the field of education, helping teachers and school administrators bring self esteem training into the classroom. We discovered that if students felt more confident about themselves and their abilities, they were willing to stretch and take more risks as students, which improved the learning process by making them less afraid of failure. And one byproduct of building confidence is that you tend to be less shy about speaking up and offering your ideas and showing the world your best self. You might think it's odd that someone like me who's been teaching self esteem principles and self esteem building methods for 40 years could be shy. But I am naturally more introverted than I am extroverted. And it takes a lot of focus and energy for me to interact with other people. I've learned to be what one of my friends calls a situational extrovert. I can be outgoing when I need to, like when I'm speaking, training and attending conferences. Now, one of the techniques I've recommended over the years to help people build their self esteem and their self confidence is called the mirror exercise. It's based on the theory that we all need acknowledgement, but the most important and powerful acknowledgement is from ourselves. So I want you to set aside a couple of minutes toward the end of each day when you'll have quiet time and relax and take a few breaths. And then think about any accomplishments you've achieved during the day. Big or small, it doesn't matter. Now, if I were doing this tonight, my mirror exercise might sound like this. Jack, I want to appreciate you for the following things. Today, you got up on time, you meditated for half an hour. You worked out in the gym for 40 minutes. You made that cold call to a potential new distributor. You worked out before dinner and you kept your body in shape. And then when you're done acknowledging your successes, then look yourself in the eye. And this is often the hardest part for most people. And say one more thing, Jack, I want you to know I really love you. Now, the first time you do this exercise, you may feel awkward, weird, and maybe a lot of other emotions. In fact, you may find yourself thinking, this is stupid. I want you to know that that's totally normal. Now, the truth is that very few of us know what it's like to totally acknowledge ourselves. And while you may be uncomfortable in the beginning, I want you to keep at it. Now, one other way to build your confidence and overcome shyness is to get involved in a mastermind group or recruit an accountability partner who can support you when you're faced with situations where you need to stay strong, they can actually create a safe space where you can build that new muscle. They can help you practice specific situations, even role play with you. Creating hypothetical scenarios where you're not attached to the outcome. I call these high intention, low attachment activities. Situations where you intend to get the best result possible and you work hard to do so. But if it doesn't happen the way you envision, you don't fall apart over it. But perhaps the best way to practice high self esteem and overcome shyness is to build the habit of being confident when it doesn't really matter. Ask for something where you don't really need a yes. Practice getting to yes, but don't criticize yourself or feel bad. If it doesn't, it doesn't happen. You know, my biggest area around shyness is when it comes to selling. I'm a great teacher, but learning how to sell, learning the risk, rejection, learning to have people think maybe I don't really care about them, I'm just there to make money, which is not the truth. Or they're thinking that, you know, he's just trying to sell me something and I don't want to be sold, I just want to came here to learn. That's always been difficult for me. However, I've learned that if I don't learn how to sell, nothing happens. And so I've had to become that situational extrovert I talked about earlier and just be willing to learn how to make an offer, how to ask people to buy, how to handle objections, how to tell people all the benefits of doing it. There's things you can learn that give you the skills and the confidence in any kind of activity, whether it's having a conversation. So you can learn things like that to make yourself more comfortable in social situations. And then you're confident that you have the skills you need to be able to handle any situation that you might find yourself in. So if I can do it, I know you can do it. Now, today, in addition to the transformational training and coaching that we do to help people grow in every area of life, we also teach people how to be more confident and overcome any shyness they might be experiencing. And so to help you build confidence to get started on an overall path to success, I want to leave you with a bit of homework. Obviously I want you to do the mirror exercise every day for three months. Work with others to help you practice speaking your truth, share your feelings and asking for what you want. And you probably won't recognize yourself even a few months from now. And so to hold yourself accountable. If you've already been doing the mirror exercise, I want you to leave a comment below on how the mirror exercises helped you and any pointers you might have for others who might be watching. So thanks again for watching. And remember, nothing will change for the better until you do. Now, if you found this video helpful, make sure you like it and share it with a friend who may need it. And for some additional resources on gratitude habits, visit my website@jackcampfield.com so thanks again for watching.
