Podcast Episode #4 | From Breakdown to Breakthrough with Heidi Powell

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Welcome to the Jack Canfield Podcast. And in today's episode, I'm thrilled to have transformational specialist Heidi Powell joining us. With more than a decade of experience as a personal trainer, the mother of four, a savvy businesswoman, an author, and an overall health guru, Heidi has become a beacon of inspiration and practical guidance for kids, countless individuals seeking to transform their lives. Now, Heidi gained national recognition as she worked side by side with her then husband, Chris Powell on ABC's hit show Extreme Weight Loss, where she served as a daily fitness coach, a voice of reason, the biggest cheerleader for the participants. And together, Chris and Heidi launched their digital platform called Transform with Chris and Heidi with the goal of transforming 1 million people's lives. And that platform has since expanded to offer a range of programs, a supplement line and one on one coaching. And as a personal coach, Heidi has helped thousands of women rewrite their stories in their lives and create the lives that they've always dreamed of. And she also has a successful blog where she shares her insights on health, on wellness, family life, and her experiences as an international federation of bodybuilders and fitness bodybuilding pro, which, by the way, I did some research on. And that is not an easy feat to accomplish. So join us today as we explore Heidi's personal journey, her personal insights on overcoming challenges, and the unique approach that she uses to help other people create lasting change in their lives. Welcome, Heidi.

Thank you. Thank you for welcoming here. It's interesting to hear that bio. I'm like, oh, man, I think I need to update it because that's how the world knows me. But I don't know that that's how I know me anymore. Isn't that interesting?

It is, it is. And that pretty much leads into my first question.

So here we go, diving right in. We go deep, fast.

There we go. So, and I. And I thank you for being here and for being open to share what you're going to be sharing with us. I know you've gone through one of the most challenging periods of your life in the last five or six months, and you've been having some very important breakthrough insights and revelations that are right on alignment with the purpose of this podcast, which is to discover and surrender to our purpose, to fully express ourselves, to allow that unfoldment to occur. And if you're willing, though, I'd like to give people a little bit of background of where you were and what you were doing before this new chapter started to emerge in your life. Is that okay with you?

Of course, yeah. Yeah, I'D love to go into that. This is really interesting. You're. You're one of the first podcasts I've done since my life shifted, Right. And not to jump into it too quickly, but about three and a half months ago, I lost my best friend. Dave Hollis had passed away, who I dated for two and a half years. And that was a really, really hard thing for me. That kind of came in the middle of a. I would. I. Some people might call it an existential crisis, but I actually believe it's an existential experience, like the most beautiful one that's kind of led me to where I am right now, where nothing matters that actually mattered before, right? So I'm kind of sitting in a place where not a lot matters that I thought mattered. And so even in hearing the bio, it's like, because I'm not doing many podcasts or interviews and I'm not doing any teaching right now, I'm doing sharing. I haven't taken the time to update it. But, yeah, I'll start by saying I've always been a very happy, driven, motivated person. And I think we're raised in a culture where hustle is the name of the game and that I've done that for so many years. I've raised babies, popped babies out as we shot a show, had a supplement company, an app. I had 10 other. A face care company. I had so many things going, and this was happening with divorce and all these things happening in my life. And then about a year ago, it was a little more than five or six months ago, now that I think about it, it was in June. I kind of. I had a moment where I, you know, had spent the year building, building, building, building a lot. And. And I was divorced. And so it was kind of my own thing for the first time and helping a lot of women. But I realized I was helping a lot of people at the expense of my happiness and. And the expense of my kids time with me, if I'm being completely honest. And I started. I had someone ask me, they said, hey, where do you envision your business in 10 years? And in my mind, I was like, I can't even. Like, I. I don't even want to think about business. It's. Where do I envision my life in 10 years, right? So that started me on a track where I was like, I already felt like I had a knowing inside of me that certain parts of me needed to die so that I can be something, could be born again, right. Or something new could emerge. And I kept Pushing it off because allowing certain parts of me to die with, whether it's the notoriety, the significance, the business that everything I had my worthiness in, or I thought my worthiness was in letting go of that to create space was super scary for me. And so I just kept it going, right? I'm like, nope, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. And then I had that picture of 10 years down the road. And what's funny, Jack, is there was not one single thing to this day, when I think of what I want 10, 20, 30 years to look like. Not. And I'm saying this on a platform where this could affect sales of anything I do in the future. Not one single bit of what I envision has anything to do with the rest of the world or work. I'm just being honest. And everything I envision in my life had to do and has to do with what is in my home. Sorry.

It's okay.

And it has to do with my kids. And I could see kids and grandkids and I could see me in. Why am I crying so early? Sorry. I could see me in a healthy partnership, which has been really difficult for me for most of my life. Right. And it was a wake up call for me. I thought, okay, are the things I'm doing today are the steps I'm taking in alignment with what I see myself creating, what I want to create in 10 years? Right. It was more of an eternal perspective. And our eternal perspective affects what we do now. And it wasn't, you know, me pouring in and having a really strong, bonded family life is very clearly, it's the most important thing to me. And what's interesting is I found myself for so many years. We all lie to ourselves and we don't even know we're lying. And we say, I'm working so hard for my family. I'm doing this for my family. I'm building this so that I can get here. But what I realized, Jack, is I was. I had built more than I had ever built on this planet. And I built it without a husband. Right. And that was awesome. And there was excitement there. I had more and nothing like I had more and less at the same time. And so I. That kind of. I had a moment where I thought, okay, my relationship needs to end all these things, my business, I need to start scaling these things down. So I committed to it. And then I didn't follow through, and I got scared and I kept going. And so July, August, I actually started having Severe panic attacks. I thought I was dying. I remember being in a hotel room and my world was going dark. I would have said, anyone who told me this was possible in the past, I would have said it was not possible, or I would have said you were faking. Until it actually happened to me, I thought I was dying. And I ended up going to the hospital. And they're like, you're just having panic attacks. This is what it is. Your world goes dark, you hyperventilate. My hands were kind of doing that weird thing and that sent me into a depression and anxiety that I'd never experienced in my life. And I kept going. I thought, I just need to work my way out of it. I spent a full week not even out of my room, which I'd never done in my life. And as soon as I was able to come out of that with habits and routine, because we kind of get used to that habit and routine thing, which is great, and it can carry us through. However, I was only Band Aid, something that had a deep root issue and I didn't solve, nor did I want to address the root issue. And so it kept that depression there. And there were moments, Jack, of my life, I, I, I, I didn't know what I was here for. I. Even my kids, which are, I always say they're my natural painkillers because they're just the greatest. They're so great. Even being with family was numbing to me. And so, yeah, that led me to a place I knew what I needed to do. And it was so hard. I knew over time with some reflecting and actually connecting with God for the first time in my life in the way that I did. I was raised with God, but I don't think I really ever understood who he was. And I spent many years kind of away and feeling like this world was meant to be dealt with on my own. And so I was, I was lonely and I was chasing the ways of the world. I had someone say to me, like, are you building the kingdom of God or the kingdom of Heidi, right? And I think for, I think it's easy in the world that we're in, for all of us to say, oh, we're building the kingdom of God, we're helping people. But the reality is I was so scared of not having enough of not being enough, of not having enough of not providing for my family. It was all of these fears that were keeping me attached to things that weren't necessarily good for my eternal or long term perspective, but were what were keeping me feeling Safe. So it was blocking my progression. And I believe that betrayal of my soul is what led me into a really dark time in my life. And it was actually me finally letting God in for the first time, you know, and attaching to something that I couldn't see. My brain is super logical, and so I couldn't see God. I couldn't see what I was choosing to believe in. But what I do know is it kind of. It. Like, it. There was a little flame there. There was like a glimmer of something that felt really good. And so I started on this path. Go ahead. What were you gonna say?

You said like, I. I finally let God in. How did you do that? What was the. What was that process like?

Yeah, so I was at. I remember exactly where I was right after the anxiety attacks. I had a friend of mine send me a book called Jesus Calling. And I remember getting the book, and I'm like, this is really nice of her, but I'm not gonna read this. I really. And that was August, like, 5th. It was the first week of August and end of September. So a month and a half had passed. Almost two months had passed. And I was. I. I could fake a smile. And Jack, we had. You had done, you know, some stuff with me during that time. And I was. I remember just every word you said, I was like, oh, grabbing onto it, because there. It was a really hard time. And I remember, I. There was a point. I was downstairs in my kitchen, looking out at my pool, backyard, which was like my serenity area. I loved. I love that place. And I remember thinking, this is not a life I want to live. Right. The weight of the world felt so heavy. I was the mom. I was the dad. I was the nurturer. I'm the provider. I'm all in one. I felt like I was alone, and I felt like there was. It just. It was not happy. And I thought, I'm going to grab this dang book that my friend gave me and let me just. It's a daily devotional book. I. I love me some Chicken Soup for the Soul and daily devotional books. So I opened it up to that day. It was. I. It was a day in September. I don't remember exactly, like, the 20th or something. And the passage in it was beautiful. And it talked about how we exist in an unraveled and chaotic world, and if we don't cling to or surrender to him. Right. Or something. If we don't surrender is kind of how I read it. We will become scattered. Our energies will be scattered and we will be unraveled. We will become unraveled. And just reading that and hearing the call to come and to almost equally yoke, like, allow someone else to help carry the burden, to surrender to something that I couldn't see. But just playing around, trying that hat on for a minute was like, I actually started crying. And so in my mind I thought, I don't know that any of this is true. But what I do know is that this felt good. Like, this was the first time in months that something felt good. So I'm going to come back to it tomorrow. And so the next day I read another passage and then the next day and then, you know, and that little flame that it was like a spark, right? And it just became like a little, a little more every single day. And then I kind of got to the point where I'm like, okay, I don't know what prayer is and I don't know who I'm praying to. I don't know if I'm praying to God or my dad, right? Like, I don't, I don't know or if I'm praying to nobody. But I started going, maybe I'm going to try this every day. And my mind has to make sense of everything. So I'm like, what is prayer? Prayer is gratitude. We know the benefits of practicing daily gratitude, right? So you start by saying, hey, here's what I'm grateful for. God or Mother Nature or dad, right? Whoever, or nobody. Here's what I'm grateful for. Or Heidi, I'm grateful for this. Then in prayer for me, what I was taught as a kid is then you go into, I am sorry for this, okay? So I know the benefits of understanding what I need to work on. Like, hey, it's making me acutely aware of what I need to do better. Like where I can improve, right? And then the third part of prayer for me was always asking for help, please help me xyz. So, okay, every single day I'm going to say gratitude. I'm going to understand and be aware of what I need to work on. And then I'm going to go into where do I need help? So I'm essentially, every day, if I can put on the lens of those three things and center myself every morning, this has got to help. And so I started doing that morning and then I started doing night. And what's interesting is it actually, then I actually make myself speak it out loud because if not, it just becomes a blur of thoughts, right? That has single handedly changed My life changed my life. And I like to now I'm comfortable and confident enough in who I am where I don't know that I was before. I pray to God right now. I know I pray to God. I pray to my God. And I believe that I access God through me. Like when I am centered and when I am present, that is where I access my God. And it can look different for everybody, but this is what I do. And that started me on a path to extreme clarity and faith. So I was able to. Because I was talking to God or myself, right? Every night and every morning, I was aware of the areas of my life that I needed to shift from. I was so aware of that betrayal of my soul that led me into chaos. I was aware that I needed to take some giant leaps out of a relationship, out of some businesses, out of the world, and into my home and into my heart, right? I knew that needed to happen. And there was so much fear. And I was talking to a friend of mine who was a life coach of mine, and she. I said. She said, hey, you keep going back and forth on this. What's keeping you from keeping these breaks in all the areas of my life, keeping them firm? And I said, I think there's just fear. Like, who am I without a relationship? Because I've never not been in a relationship, Jack. Never. I mean, I might have had a couple months, but that's it. Who am I without these women in my communities telling me who I am and how thankful they are for me? Who am I without social media comments like, who am. Who am I to my friends if I say I'm backing away from business? Like, I am talented and smart and blessed. I have a business brain. I have connection with audiences. Who am I if I'm not sh. Like, they're gonna think I'm lazy, right? So I had all these who am I? Moments. I said, I'm so scared. There's so much fear. And she said, every time you hear the word fear go through your brain, I want you to replace it with lacking trust. Like, you don't have fear. You have lack of trust in God and it and in yourself, right? And that was earth changing for me because I was scared to leave a relationship. I was scared like I was, could I do it on my own, Right? Okay. I'm lacking trust in my abilities, number one. I'm lacking trust in God and his plan for me, number two, right? So that was such a huge shift, because I want trust. I want to trust. I want to have faith. In something. And so that, that was huge for me. And I would say in about November, I started November, December, I started slowly making shifts. I was finished. I made the decision to do my last round of business like communities, right, which you were a part of one of those. And I, that was really hard. And I actually did one more like, oh my gosh, hold on, I got to do one more kind of a thing. I can't let go. I had read this quote, I think I mentioned it to you, but the quote went something like, the universe will continue to remove the things in your life that you believe your value is in until you realize it's not there. And it like for me what started to happen, right. So luckily I had already made this shift of at least in my soul right now. It was hard to actually have it transition to real life application. But things started kind of dwindling for me and it was like, Kate, this is being pulled from you. This is being pulled from you. This is being. Until I realized because my worth was in those things so much I couldn't let go. And then luckily I was attached to God. And in February is when my best friend passed away. And he was probably the person who believed in me and loved me more than anybody ever had, including, you know, how I, I including at least how I perceived my father's love for me. And so that was really difficult. And we, while we weren't in a relationship at the time, he still was my, you know, like if I woke up not believing I could do it, I would go to him and he, I knew he was there no matter what. No matter what, in any way, shape or form. And so that was I in my mind. I'm like, man, this is God telling me, heidi, you've got what it takes. And there's no person nor no thing or no business that you need to be valuable. I am here. And in me and in you, you are valuable. And I don't think I can ever see the world differently again. I can never go back. I can never unsee what I've seen. Jack.

No, no, I get it. I mean it. You know, it's interesting because I did all the self esteem work way back when and the bottom line for everybody is this belief that I'm not enough. I'm not enough. Then you can fill in the blank. I'm not this enough, I'm not that enough. I'm not whatever enough. But the thing is, I'm not enough. And when you finally have all that stuff that was the stuff that you felt gave you that sense of enough disappear, which was meant to happen for your spiritual journey, if you will, then all of a sudden you realize that you have what you're calling God. We all have that access to this energy. I was reading a book recently by Anita Moorjani, who wrote a book called I Had Dying to Be Me. Dying to Be Me. In other words, she had to die to have a near death experience, to realize that she had been giving herself away to everybody but herself. And she died of cancer. And fortunately she came back and brought the message with her after her near death experience. But what she said that I thought was profound. She said, God is not a being. God is a state of being. And when you realize that state of being exists within you and you have access to it at all times in your prayer, I love. I was thinking as you were saying your prayer that the universality of these principles. I don't know if you've ever heard of ho', oponopono, but the. It's a Hawaiian prayer. It was kind of made famous by this guy, Dr. Lynn Hu or Hugh Len. I always kind of mix up his name. But he was working with prisoners and in the mental institution, they were like, you know, violent. And he healed them all, but he never interacted with them. He would sit in his office, he'd open their file, he'd look at their picture, and then he would say, I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry that I am contributing to the way the world is. That got you to be the way you are. Please forgive me. Thank you for that. I love you. And so when you're talking about your prayer, you were basically saying all those words, you know, of like, you know, it was so interesting how the universality that we come to in our own awareness as you did, to get to the place where you realize that you are it, you know, and you were talking about, he loved me more than anybody, including my father. And I wanted to add, including myself.

You know, without a doubt.

Yeah, that. That's really where it is. And, and I'll just say this final thing where I was talking to someone this morning about these stages of spiritual evolution where you're a victim, which you obviously weren't you, you got to the next stage called manifestor. You used all these laws of things that you teach and I teach and you create great success. But then there's a place where you have to realize that's not it. And you have to surrender. And the surrender can come Willingly, through meditation, through meeting a spiritual guru, whatever. Or it comes through the kind of experiences you had where you're just buffered around and you go, wait, this is terrible. This isn't working. I give up. Please, God, help me. And you surrender to something higher than you. And then eventually you realize that you are that higher thing as well. It lives in you as you. You're not all of God, but you are. You're like a molecule in the ocean. One. One drop of water is not the ocean, but that drop of water is ocean. And that's. That's kind of what you're going through. I love it. I mean, I know it's painful, but at the same time, it's the most powerful transformation you can go through.

Yeah. You know, there's. There's so much pain in it. And also it's the most beautiful thing I've ever been through as well. I actually, when right after David passed, which was the most devastating thing I've ever been through, when people would ask how I was, I actually would say, this is the hardest thing I've ever been through. And I feel held like I. I'm in the best place I've ever been in, in my life. And Jack, even right now, as I sit here with all these layers of the onion of who Heidi Powell was, right? Like that, that bio that you read at the beginning, I'm like, I don't need her anymore. I don't need that. I don't need, like, I'm just me, right? I. I can sit here and. Even though there's some uncertainty about what the future looks like in what the. How the world sees me, there's more certainty than ever about what my future looks like in how I see me and how my kids see me. Right? And that's all that really matters. And what's been beautiful about that is that confidence, that new found confidence has me showing up as me, right? Has me showing up actually as Heidi Lane. I'm not even Heidi Powell, which, you'll see my name right there, it says Heidi Lane Powell. I mean, that's a whole other subject. That Powell is the name I took on from my last marriage. And I never legally even made it Heidi Powell. I was always Heidi Lane because it was a thing with my kids. I had, you know, Maddox and Marley Solomon. They knew I was marrying Chris Powell. We were having, you know, Cash Powell and Ruby Powell. And before I had my first baby, when I was pregnant, Cash, Maddox and Marley were sad. They're like, you're gonna be Powell's and we're Solomon still. And I said, no. Right then in that moment, in front of Chris, they said, I'm Heidi Lane. I'll always be Heidi Lane. You guys are Solomon's. They're pals. And we are the most beautiful family, and we're all different, right? So I made that choice, however, with the world. I took on Powell because that's how Chris and the brand and the show grew. And after divorce, I remember, you know, a conversation that was like, are you going to go back to Lane? I was like, no, I'm going to stay Heidi Powell. And I asked myself now, why? Why was I scared to shed Powell and be Heidi Lane? And it's that word you said, Jack. It starts with an E. I didn't feel like I'd be enough. Like, what if I'm not enough? Is Heidi Lane. I am. That's who I am. Okay? I'm going to keep this mask on. I'm going to be a fraud for the world and show up as a Heidi Powell that I am not actually. Like, I am actually Heidi Lynn Lane. And to be in a place where I am enough as that person. And if I show up in the world and say, hey, guys, I'm no longer Heidi. I never was Heidi Powell. I'm Heidi Lane, and you don't like me, it's okay. Like, for once, it's actually okay. Right? So all of this to say, it's hard. Back to your thing, your comment. It is hard, and it's so freeing. Like, I've never felt more free in my life. In fact, my podcast. Jack, I'm gonna have to have you on. I'm starting a podc.

Good for you.

And it's going to be by Heidi Lane.

I can just see the. The theme song is going to be Heidi Lane. The Beatles just in there for you. You know what's. You know what's funny? Fear of, like, letting go of pal. The fact is, people are going to respect you more. All these women out there are going to go, God bless her for having the courage to be herself and to own herself and to not have to feel like she has to hide behind someone else's name. Now, some people want to do that because that's what they want, and that's fine for them, but I think so many of our fears, when we step through them and we get to the other side, we go, what the hell was I so afraid of?

Yes. Yeah, it's true. Well, I mean, sorry, I'm totally tangenting and taking this Off. But when I came back to social media after Dave's death too, I decided I am not using another filter ever. Like, I used to live behind filters on social media. Whatever you saw, Jack, I was filtered, right? And I decided, no, I think filters are of the devil or darkness or whatever we want to call, because they actually, if I were to turn my phone on and look at myself through a filter for even one second today, this happened the other day, and then go back to no filter, I suddenly am like, hold on, I'm ugly. I'm not, I'm not as beautiful as I was with a filter. And that's like killing so many women and, and men. And so just the, everything in my, my commitment is to do my best to be unfiltered everywhere.

Well, talk to teenage girls because the reality of the, the sense of I'm not enoughness, the teen suicides, the ideation that, you know, because everyone's comparing themselves to all these doctored photos, you know, that people put on Instagram and tick tock and, and it's a, it's a, it's a pin. It's an epidemic of its own proportion. So you're, you're gonna contribute a lot by doing that. Just so you know. I think it's wonderful. Good for you.

Thank you.

Yeah, it's, it's. I'm, I'm, I'm over here smiling for you. I'm excited about.

Jack. I feel like we gotta meet up and give a hug in person one of these days because.

Do that. We'll do that. We'll definitely do that. Wow. So I'm curious, you know, let me just say this. So I've been going through something similar. So I, I had a realization about last summer, I think it was last fall, that a lot of my drive was tied up in being significant, you know, making a difference. So that was how I proved my self worth, that I was contributing. And, you know, there was, I wasn't the only thing. There was a lot of pure. Even in you, there's a lot of pure desire to make a difference, help people be of service and all that. And where it gets messed up is when it gets tied up to the ego and needing all that to feel okay. And I had, I had some of that going on. Lots of, you know, awards and pictures on the covers of magazines and all that stuff that, you know, one more frame, put it on the wall, that proves I'm great, you know, but. And so letting go of a lot, like I'm, I'm downsizing my company a bit. Right now I'm taking Mondays and Fridays off and not going to. I'm spending more time with my grandson, who's 10, my wife. And, you know, it's. It was scary as well. Like, you know, will people forget me? And, you know, and what I realize is how much energy it takes to maintain a brand. You know, like earlier I was thinking, you should write a book called I'm Not My Brand. You know, but the reality is, you know, we're all trained in that, you know, like, how to keep our name out there and what the brand image is, and you have to live up to that. And, you know, it's. How many Facebook posts do you have to have and Instagram messages and all of that? And I realized so much of my time was being taken up by that. And one of the reasons I'm doing a podcast now is that I really just wanted to have authentic communications with people about what's really going on in their lives, what, what their latest breakthroughs are and what they want to share with others. And the good news, the bad news, the, you know, I don't think it's bad news, but, but the idea of, like, what are you dealing with confronting and letting go of and moving into and expressing and, And I think that's what people really want to hear anyway, is they want to hear the truth. When they hear the truth, they, they, they, they resonate with it, you know, And I think that's what you're moving into. It's what I'm moving into. It's what the world needs. So, anyway, I'm, I'm glad I, I.

Love that you just said that because in my coming back, that's what all. It's like. I, you know, my world came crashing down. We'll say February 11, February 12, right? And in my re entry, I decided I will not, nor can I go back as the same person. I will only come back as capital T truth. Right? And I'm not going to be perfect. There are going to be days and things where I realize that I'm slowly getting pulled into kind of what you, you know, the, the ego side of it, like building the kingdom of mighty instead of the kingdom of God or. And I don't want to. You know, it's not like I. That was a purposeful thing, but it's out of fear, right? That it's. And there are going to be times where I think every. The things that mattered before, all of everything mattered, right? Everything. There are going to be times where that starts to creep back in. There are going to be times I just hit a point a couple weeks ago where I'm like, man, I'm getting back to where I was, where I'm stacking all of these business obligations. No time to let go, because that pulls from what is good for me. But it is. Showing up in truth has been huge for me and being okay, having hard conversations because, like you, there's a lot of opportunity. And that's one of my biggest issues, is saying no to opportunity. Because, number one, I don't want to hurt feelings because the people who present are people I love, right? And number two, oh, my gosh, what if I don't take this? What if there's not another time, like you said with social. What if I don't show up and give an. Like, are they going to forget me? Right? And then I have to. I actually go through this process in my head where I'm like, okay, so what if. Like, let me say, what if. What if they forget me? That's okay because I know me and my kids know me. And when I remember that picture of 10 years down the road, 20 years down the road, those are my kids there. It's not anyone else, right? And it's my husband or whoever. Not anyone else, okay? So it's okay if they forget me. They're probably not going to, right? And then, okay, what if I have no money, right? Number one, we all. I. We know how to make a living. We get. All I really need is this. This. Oh, I can do that. Like, I can make that. I can make a living for my family. So going to the Bear. And if I can't, I can move into my mom's house, right? So I kind of go through all of these things, and then I'm like, guess what? I was the absolute happiest. Except for now, because I am the absolute happiest now. Absolute. I was the happiest prior right after my divorce in a tiny rental with my four kids piled on. Like, literally, there was no. No space. And we would just pile, like, a bunch of puppies on the couch, right? And I paid rent, and I didn't have any money in my account, and I was happy as a clam. So I'm like, hey, if I gotta go back there, I was happy. I'll be happy again, right? So. But it is. You brought up one of my things. So in September of last year, right, as I was kind of coming out of my depression, I. I had just started to take some steps out I did. We did an amazing. Dave and I did a really beautiful journey with a. A therapist, like a shaman therapist. It was beautiful. And she. I. I ended up mapping and tracking what I wanted 2023 to look like. Like, what's going to stay, what's going to go right? And a lot of the things that now I finally had the courage to get rid of are gone. Yay. And the one, like, one of the things I said I wanted was what a podcast. And I've wanted that for a long time. And my. Why it's not. You know, of course, it's like, everyone's like, oh, but there are so many. That's fine. But there's no Heidi Lane and there's no other Jack Canfield. Right. So we are us. And I believe that would be a space for my truth. That's what I would say, my truth to come out. Because on social media, there's pressure of cutting these reels. With trending music, there's no pressure. I'm going to get in front of a microphone when I'm talking, having conversation. That's where the real me actually exists. And so I. I love what you're doing, and I might be reaching out to you for some pointers and tips, because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm glad you helped, but I know there's freedom there. And I. I feel like through conversation and sharing, you had. I don't remember that amazing quote. You should maybe share it. But healing happens through sharing. I love it.

Yeah. No, I think I shared with you before we came on here, but it comes from a guy from India named Pankash Naram who was a healer. I visited his clinic. It was Ayurvedic clinic for a month a number of years ago, right before the pandemic started. And he said, I didn't come here to teach you. I came here to love you. The love will teach you. And I think when you show up in love and you show up authentically, because then when you're loving yourself authentically, you'll show up that way. That is transformative. That's what people need to hear. They want to hear how you're dealing with issues that they're dealing with, you know, and, like, you know, whether it's being a mom or being someone that's going through a transformational period like this, I did want to share one thing with you about saying no. I learned this a long time ago because I had the FOMO of fear of missing out if I don't say yes to that. Maybe I'll never get invited again. Also, the fear of saying no because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I want everyone to love me, you know, so if I give them all the stuff, they're going to love me. Right. But anyway, this really helped me. And this person said, when you say no, see, look, my no is not against you. It's not against your project. My no is for me. Right now. I'm choosing to focus on my family and my own spiritual growth. And that's what. That's why I'm saying no. Every time I do that, people go, oh, my God, that's so cool. I really respect you for that. That's neat. Because you're not saying no because you don't believe in them. You're not saying no because you don't think what they're doing is invaluable. You're saying no because you're saying something's of higher value for you, which is your family, which very few people can ever, you know, be against. And for your own personal development, growth and health and wellness and all that. So, anyway, that's.

I love that I once heard it worded. They said, every time you say yes to somebody else, you're saying no to yourself.

Exactly.

Yeah. And, you know, it's interesting. You bring up the. No one can blame you for saying yes to your family. Right. But what is interesting. So one thing I've kind of battled and dealt with. If you have female listeners, they might relate to this. I. I am a woman who has always provided for my family. Right. And maybe it was the result of me growing up with three brothers and a very alpha dad. It's like, I thought, you know, I was a puppy, but I thought I was a wolf, because the other. There were wolves, you know? And so I grew up thinking that's what I did to either get love or whatever. You know, whatever it was, I was loved no matter what. I couldn't see it that way. But me being in this realm for so long, it's interesting because I think in the past, women were criticized for leaving the home to work, right? And now we exist in a space where there's pressure, like me even considering and saying I'm stepping back to be a mom. Right? It's like a. Oh, my gosh, what am. What are people gonna think about me? Because suddenly I don't fit into that mold. We're in this weird space, Jack, where women have been, you know, there's more masculine women And I am one of them. I have a lot of masculine energy and, you know, and it does sometimes emasculate men a little bit, but it is an interesting thing. So for me to embrace my feminine and to magnify my feminine, there's a little bit of self consciousness. Like I. I'm a little self conscious of it. Like, what does this mean? Am I enough? Am I being criticized? Because we've been told for so many years now that girls gotta hustle. It's this feminine feminist movement, right? So it is a little bit harder and I have to stand firmer and stronger than I would have in the past.

Well, let me ask you a question. When you drive your car, do you put your hands out in front of you like this and never turn the wheel?

Oh, no, I turn a lot.

Because you're constantly saying, too far to the left, too far to the right, too far to the left, too far to the right. So whenever you lean into anything like being more masculine for the women's movement, etcetera, Sometimes we go too far. And so you might have gone a little too far in your life in that direction. And now you're getting some correction to come back in that direction. And maybe after a while you'll come back to that direction. You're going to find that these two parts you will integrate over time. You're not going to lose everything you've developed and become in that world. I have a friend named Deborah Poneman who's an amazing teacher. She was. She was Marcy Schimoff's teacher, she was Deepak Chopra's teacher, etc. And she had kids and she was about to be on national television, and then she just got this internal dialogue that came along, said, no, if I do that, I'm going to be screwed. She went, spent 12 years raising her kids, and now she's back, and now she's back. And she said, my kids are amazing, my kids are amazing. And, you know, she. It's like we all do it differently. Some people find that balance. Some people go this way, that way. Some people work 10 months, take two months off, some people take 12 years off, whatever. But the point is, you'll know internally when you start to get that sense of like, I remember Fritz Perls, who was a gestalt therapist who developed this amazing form of therapy, said he was living in Canada and he said, I knew it was time to come back to the United States. When I started having thoughts about, I wonder what the exchange rate is between Canadian and American dollars. And I say that by way of saying, you'll know because you'll start to have thoughts about, yeah, I wonder if I should maybe do this now, you know, and that's that coming back in, you know.

Yeah, I, I, I, I'm so grateful, like, on a personal level, like, aside from, you know, this being a podcast right now, I am so grateful to have heard you say that, because that's kind of, that's what my internal dialogue has said is I, I have one more year, Jack, with my son in my home. One more year. I have two more years with my oldest daughter. I have more with my younger kids. And, you know, but, but I, I can barely remember the childhood of my two oldest. And it's because we were shooting a TV show. There was so much happening. I'm never going to get this time back. And I am so bond. I am the luckiest mother. My four kids, I don't feel like I deserve them, and I got them and they are patient and bonded and connected with me somehow, even in the midst of all of the chaos and the craziness. And I only have. My thing is I can take two. I'll never get these two years with my oldest kids through high school ever again. I will have the rest of my life to work. And that is the place I'm the most confident. I am the most confident in my ability to create something for the world. I am. And so in my mind, I'm like, okay, that's the big rock now. The big rock is my kids. What can I fit in around it? I can podcast, right? I can do that. I can. And there might, there's probably not a financial gain. It's going to suck a little bit, but that's okay. Like, suck a little bit of money. But that is the thing where I can give back to the world and I can share while still maintaining what I am as a mom and first and foremost. But it is, it's, it's a, I love hearing that from you. You said, and she's back after 12 years, so she can take 12 years, I can take a couple, you know, and my hope is maybe then it inspires other women who are in the same space who are scared that if I leave this to focus on my children, I'm going to be left. And the thing you might be left, you might be left in the dust. What I will say is, I've been more present these days to death. Like, there is a, there's nothing certain in this world except for that we all have a 100% chance of. Of dying. We, all of us. There's not one exemption to the rule. And I know that when I am on my deathbed, I will not regret the amount of business I did in the world, no matter what. What I know I will regret is how much I gave to my kids and myself, but mostly to my kid.

Yeah, there's actually research on that. It's been done in hospice. No one ever on their deathbed says, I wish I'd worked harder.

Yeah, no one.

Wish I traveled more, wish I spent more time with my friends, my family, et cetera. And I want to put in context, too, this idea of that, you know, right now you're feeling this pull to spend time with your family. And someone else may be feeling the pull to spend more time developing their career. Someone else may be feeling more time that they need to get out of a corporate job and pursue becoming a coach or doing something for the environment or doing something to work on, you know, racism or whatever. But the point being that we all need to listen to this internal guidance. It sometimes shows up as, you know, a catastrophe or an accident or an illness, or we get fired or a divorce happens, somebody dies. But to listen and realize you're being called that the universe is always happening for you, not to you. And once we really realize that and say, okay, what am I being called to pay attention to? What am I being called to do, to express, to honor, to explore, to admit, to surrender to? Because that's a constant thing of surrendering and then acting on what we've surrendered to. There's that action part which you and I are both good at. We know how to do that when we get the call. So I think that I just want to. You're modeling for people very well what needs to happen for their evolution. And I think we're all being called to evolve right now if we're going to survive as a species, unfortunately. But it's good. You talked about having children, talked about pain, childbirth. It's painful. It's painful. And the closer you get to the child coming out, the more painful it gets. And then there's this relief. So we're all right now pregnant. We're all pregnant with the next step for humanity and the next step in our own lives. And so if we remember that, then it's like, oh, this is happening. This is good. This is not a terrible thing. It's something that is happening for us, not to us. So, anyway, I love.

Yeah, I love what you just said. If you don't mind about the evolution. And you had said some I'm being called here, but other people might be called in another, another place. I agree with I, like, I want to reiterate that because I know without a shadow of a doubt there's nothing in my life prior to now that was an accident or by accident. Even my poll to contribute to the world in the exact way that I had and the way that I did and my pull away from being a full time mom to do like I. There's every single bit of what I've done, every step on my journey has actually made me exactly who I am today. And I wouldn't change any of it for the world. It reminds me of your steering wheel analogy that you said. Right. It's like we, if we have been in home for a long time and we're feeling a call outside of there's a part of us, right. That probably needs to be developed or God or the universe is wanting to develop by pulling us out of our comfort zone. And I think that's what it's about a lot too. It's where are we comfortable? Usually the pull is out of that comfort zone because that's where growth actually happens. I love that you said that. I love that.

Well, and I'll just end with this too. Reverend Michael Beckwith, who's a friend of mine, he was in the movie the Secret, he said that the evolution of consciousness is occurring through you as you. Meaning that as you make this move, Heidi, you're not just helping. Heidi, you're evolving consciousness of humanity and we're all being asked to evolve and, and our evolution looks different. Some people it's to write a rap song. Someone else, it's to bake a cake, you know, for somebody next door. So whatever it might be, it's, it's, it's happening as we're growing in kindness, we're growing in love, we're growing in awareness. We're going in compassion and service and all these things. So literally whatever is happening through you as you. And sometimes it might feel. Might feel what? Sort of what?

Daunting?

No. Selfish. But it's not. Oh, it's not. The more you fully serve your true self, capital S, the more you're serving everyone else.

Oh, I love that. I really do. Thank you. I, I needed to hear that today.

Yeah, well, I needed to hear you today too, so. And hopefully all the people listening there to hear both of us.

I know. Oh, this is awesome. I, I, I, I can't wait to have you on my podcast someday, Jack.

Well, fair enough. Well, you know, turn on Fair Play. We'll do it. So I always want to thank you one more time. Thank you for having the courage to follow your heart, to be open and vulnerable and transparent with us, because that's really quite profoundly valuable for people. And I. This is an odd question in the middle of all this, but I'll ask you anyway. I always end these podcasts by asking this question up until this moment. As you sit here right now, what would you call your greatest achievement or moment of life that you say you're most proud of and why?

I think I'm the most proud of this choice that I've made recently. I. Without a doubt, I think it is the thing I am the most proud of, to. Release myself from what the world thinks of me in an. Like, to.

And.

And to focus more on what I think of me, what God thinks of me, and what my kids think of me. Like, I am very proud of where I'm at right now.

Good. I think you should be.

Yeah.

Now, I was gonna. I was gonna give people your website, but I. Is it still heidi powell.net or should we touch into the Patty Heidi Lane?

It's actually. It is still Heidi Powell.net, but I would say I'm the most active right now. Like, where you're gonna find me.

Yeah.

Right now. Right now is Instagram. Real Heidi Powell for now.

Real Heidi Powell and Instagram. Okay.

All right.

Well, thanks so much again for joining us today. I really appreciate it.

Thank you, Jack, for having me. I appreciate you.

Thank all of you for joining us today. And be sure to join us next time where I'll be in conversation with another author, expert, thought leader, talking about how you two can live a happier, more authentic, more fulfilling, more successful life. Until then, take good care of yourself.