James Lim on spending years as the quiet one, filtering thoughts in groups and deferring to louder people, until the tension between conformity and authenticity became unbearable. He reclaimed his voice and found that even when some disagree, someone else is quietly agreeing.
Chapters
I spent most of my life being the quiet one and always afraid of sharing my thoughts and opinions. I'd always pass my words through a filter before I spoke, if I even spoke at all. In groups, I'd always let more dominant characters lead, nodding where appropriate, while being outwardly quiet. My mind would be racing in deep thought, and even if I had something meaningful to say, I'd stay silent, fearing how it would be received. I'd be in a constant mental battle with myself, desperately wanting to say something, especially if I cared about it, but not being able to at the same time. I'd I then go home, kicking myself for letting myself down yet again. I thought this would be something I could live with, but it just ate away at me. What I didn't realize is how much it affected my self confidence and the feeling of who I was. Without sharing, my opinions, my core beliefs and my values were just being suppressed. It stripped me of my identity and I became more impressionable, constantly agreeing with everyone around me. I eventually reached a point where the emotional tension of conformity and wanting to be me was just too painful to bear, which was the catalyst for my transformation. What you might not realize is even if there are people who don't agree, there will always be someone who quietly does. They want to hear your.
