My low self confidence is getting worse! The KEY to building confidence (You might not like)

You're looking for ways to improve your self confidence. This video is going to be pretty raw. It is not a motivational video because I don't believe in that. It is not a list of things you can try that will help. It is one specific practical application and the reality according to how I see it. In my opinion, confidence can be trained. It is a skill and I explain why. If you're feeling low in confidence and want to know more, stay tuned. I will be focusing on one area that I believe is a key to confidence and something you can work on. In this video you will learn the problem. Your low self confidence. What confidence is the key to confidence? Why being confident is actually hard in today's world. Why your confidence is getting worse every day you don't address it. Why the gap is widening between the confident and the unconfident. And finally, the five step model to improve confidence. That's worked for me and for others. So looking at the problem, are you suffering from low self confidence? Maybe it's social confidence. Confidence in your job? Confidence to ask for a pay rise perhaps. Maybe you've read or been told that you should just be more confident. Well that's garbage in my opinion. There are lots of advertised ways to help improve confidence. Especially areas about appearing more confident and saying things a certain way. I believe they do help, but none help as much as this one area. One area I'm going to focus on before we cover that. So what? Confidence is sure of oneself having no uncertainty about one's own abilities. Put another way, self confidence is the ability or belief to believe in yourself to accomplish any task. The importance of confidence so confidence is key in every area of our life. It affects so many things. Our decision making, ability, how much we get paid at work, how we interact with people, and of course dating prospects. How many times do you hear how confidence is an attractive trait and something people desire? The key to confidence. So I believe the key is competence. Competence is the ability to do something well. It is the key to giving you the certainty you need to be confident. Knowing you can do something gives you confidence. So the key to confidence is developing competence in small areas and then spreading it throughout your life, targeting areas that you want to be specifically confident in. Now you get competence through repetition, practice or training. Why do I believe it is such a challenge in today's environment? There are forces that are holding us back from being confident today that didn't exist before. So what are these forces might surprise you. It's knowledge. Or more closely, access to knowledge. What people don't often realize is that competence doesn't come from knowledge. If that were so, we should all be confident. Given how easy it is to get hold of information online with all this advice and free information, surely we'd be far better versions of ourselves already. Well, that's because competence actually comes from the application of knowledge. So I'm going to run through a very quick example. What would make you a confident driver? If knowledge were the answer, then reading books, looking at guides on YouTube, watching the fast and the Furious series, and reading the highway code would be all you need. But what happens when you step into the car for the first time? How confident do you feel? How do you feel when you're out on the road? Quite a different story. No amount of reading, watching YouTube tutorials, or finishing the full Fast and the Furious series is going to make you a better driver. No, confidence comes from driving, taking action, being on the road for hours on end, repeating, practicing and training. It is no different to any life situation. The bottom line is you need to start working and practicing these skills. It can be anything, either personal, hobby, sport, social interaction or job related. Find one thing to focus on and really, really work on it. Now I want to talk about a little hack. I'm a strong advocate for seeking help from people who can teach or coach you in whatever skill you wish to learn. I always do this if I get the opportunity and the reason. You are effectively outsourcing your confidence. Work to someone else who will help get you there in the fastest, most efficient way possible. This can be a friend, someone in a group or formal organization. I will be going into the how of seeking help in my next videos. If you're one of those people who wants to do it by themselves, there are loads of great tutorials online on YouTube or platforms like Skillshare. With professional instruction. There has never been a better time to be alive to learn from the best in the world at such a reasonable price. You still have to link this to the action component. Definitely use them. I do, in absence of any help or if I want to learn something in my own time. For example, if there's anything in particular you want to hear about, let me know in the comments down below. And if you'd like to keep up to date with this series, click the subscribe button and notification bell. Why your confidence is getting worse every day you don't address it. This all sounds like a lot of effort. I think I'll stay where I am actually. Well, this attitude is is a problem every day you allow to pass you by. You have effectively trained yourself to be competent at doing nothing more with yourself. It is one more day. You will have to untrain yourself in the future. Now, I call this obesity of the mind. Just like inaction in the physical world makes you unfit and unhealthy, the same happens in your mind. Not learning, not trying new things, not using your creativity, and not giving you the opportunity to fail. All of this makes your brain unfit. The gap is widening between the confident and the unconfident. Confident people just seem to ooze confidence. It's annoying, you probably think, and they only seem to get more confident with time. Meanwhile, your self confidence only seems to worsen with time. What's going on? As we've touched on already, there is good reason why yours is getting worse. Why do confident people get more confident then? You should note that confident people are generally not universally confident. They are confident in certain areas of their life, either in a hobby, a sport, their job, or socially or a combination. Whether they realize the process or not about a competence, confident people are following it and and actioning a practice that will simply keep building their confidence day in, day out. Sometimes they have stumbled on a competence. If so, it's usually a product of accidentally stumbling on one of their core interests or core values. See my other videos on finding your interest. Now, it's quite possible they have not designed this at all and have simply lucked out. But on this channel, we are all about intentional design. We can design whatever we want in our lives. If they have lucked out, well, that's actually unfortunate because they do not have the luxury of understanding design methodology and why we do it, which you can Now. I often don't think it's a good idea to listen to confident people tell you how to be confident. They often are unaware of this process and simply say things like, well, just be confident or just do that. This is like a kind of professional sports player, say a tennis player saying, well, just feel the ball when you hit is far more complicated than that and there are mechanisms in place and processes to follow. Meanwhile, you're still not taking action and likely getting worse and feeling worse. So what happens at this point? Well, a diversion actually takes place where you will be getting worse and they'll be getting better. Through the function of compounding, like building wealth by earning money and compounding it through interest. You can actually build confidence by acquiring competence and compounding that. Just like we are told to start saving money early so we can let the compounding take effect, you should start Working on your competence now if you want to build your confidence over a lifetime, this is the five step confidence model that's worked for me and others. This is the model I have built, fine tuned and practiced over the course of my life. You will find examples of how I have done this repeatedly in wildly different areas with pretty consistent results time and time again elsewhere on my channel when I have time to put them up. Eventually they will probably appear here. You will also see examples of how I've helped others get started hopefully here. So let's start with the model number one. Find something you'd like to be competent at. Use the concepts in my values videos earlier in my channel to give you some suggestions. This is your seed and you will grow it into a tree. Eventually improve your ability through repetition and more importantly, deliberate practice. Yes, another video on this coming soon. But this becomes your system or process that you're going to rely on now. Remember the hack we talked about earlier? Seek help if you can. This accelerates your competence and thus confidence exponentially. It also keeps you accountable and helps keep you on track. Set small goals. You need to check they are reasonable, either yourself or have them confirmed with someone with experience. Your friend, teacher, coach or mentor. Check that your process is in line with your goal to maximize your chances. Now, if you are that person who is doing it by themselves, check online on YouTube videos and tutorials or whatever course you're following online. The key is to manage expectations here. Continue to focus on your system or process. Visualize your goals. You can now use Positive Affirmation to enhance this video soon on this. Your goal will be a byproduct when you finally gain some competence. You can see it. People will see it. But if you can't and they can, eventually they will tell you and force you to see it. Once your goal is achieved, reflect and celebrate. If you have a friend who's been on your journey with you, or a mentor or coach, tell them they will be by your side and and will help you celebrate. Take some time out now. Now. Repeat the process at this point. You have now got your level one of confidence in hand. This gives you the validation you desperately need, which no positive talk or affirmation can really substitute. You can then keep this in your mental kind of trophy cabinet as your first triumph. This will serve you as you now have evidence you can do it. This is so crucial. Now you can repeat this whole cycle. What you do is you increase the difficulty of the goal that you're setting by a similar percentage each time and try and do this for the rest of your life, confidence will be yours. Compound that beast. Do this throughout your life in multiple areas and your confidence will grow. So that's it for this video. In one of my next videos in this series, I will be sharing the Secrets to Building Confidence, a guide to building competence quickly in all areas, including career and how to get help. If you're interested in learning other practical methods to help optimize your life, click on the subscribe button and hit the notification bell as I'll be releasing a lot of new content over the next few weeks. See you next time.