P1 Renovate Yourself Renovate Your Wealth V2 Money stories

to share? Any questions? No? Fantastic. Okay, so let's have a look at the workbook. Um, now the very first question I would love for you to, you know, answer is: what are the past money stories about money from your past, being rich or wealthy? So what are your family stories? Maybe you had an uncle or aunt, your parents Did you have an experience in your childhood of how things were with money? Did your parents tell you about their parents in the Depression? Did you have a special bowl? We had a great-granddad's bowl that was so special that had been carted through the family. Even though they'd lost things, they kept the bowl, and it was really important. You know, was there some items in your house Were there some investments your parents made? Do they have a home? And then when you feel complete on that, just move on to the next question. Write down what were the stories that you heard as a child about the rich or the wealthy. Were there the rich kids at school who had everything? Was there the rich uncle? And the next question: write down what your money experiences were growing up. Did money come and go? Did you work really hard, get lots of jobs so you could have your own? Money. Did your parents just get you anything that you wanted when you wanted it? Maybe you can see some other money stories that have come, you you know, since maybe leaving school and when you had a job and relationships, do you attract the same person who has a similar way about having money as you do? And then finally, the next question is, you know, write down your money influences that come up for you day to day. Maybe it's advertising that you're bombarded with. Maybe there's some money myths. Bailey and I were talking a little earlier and she said, I hope the penny drops for people. I was like, oh, isn't that interesting? We have these words that we use and these terms. Maybe there's money songs that you're bombarded with. Maybe you have, uh, a relationship with your parents that says whenever you see them, your dad's trying to slip you $50, or he won't let you, uh, pay for dinner. Or, you know, maybe you— this is the ways that things operate now that turn up in your daily life. When your kids want money, you give them to them. Or when you see something you want you think that you don't deserve it? What kind of influences are turning up when you see advertising for fancy cars or holidays? What do you think? What do you feel?

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me. I think they're okay. If they don't give me proper credit, I just walk away. They can bang and they can bleed, but they can't see the light. That's right, because the boy with the gold heart catches always Mr.

Right.

Cuz we are living in a material world and I Perfect.

Well, what I might do now is let's jump into a couple of rooms. So I've got a couple of rooms set up once again in this app that, uh, I would love to invite you to. And what we're going to do is we're going to do this. I've got 3 rooms set up, which is, um, the money room. So one is money songs, one is money myths, and one is money stories. So just jump into the rooms, you move around. I'll set them up for a couple of minutes each just so you can share. 3 minutes each, just share, you know. Go to a room that's called money myths and talk about, you know, maybe a money myth is that it's easier for, you know, a rich man to get through the eye of a needle than to get to heaven, or it's only the lucky people who have money, or people who have money are bad. Talk about the money songs that you hear or the bombardment that you get every day about how things turn up. See if you can come up with a lot of names of songs of money. And then money stories. Share your stories from the past so you can get an idea of some of the other stories that people have. So I'm just going to put you in the rooms. I'm going to suggest every 3 minutes that you just take an opportunity. There's more than 3 people in the room. One of you just choose to jump into another room. And yeah, we'll just— and if you've only got a couple of people in there, no problem whatsoever. And we'll just share those stories. So just choose the room you want to go into, and we'll do this for the next 12 or so minutes. We'll speak soon. And I just invite you to go to the room and just, you know, play around a bit, share some of your stories. So all you need to do is just choose to jump into those rooms. You guys getting a message to say to join at all? So you just choose the room that you want to join. Nope.

Um, Jane, I clicked on the app and then that's where I can see the rooms.

Yep. So you can just— can you choose which room you'd like to go to?

Yeah, only through the app.

So, okay, so, okay, how about I end that? I'll do it again so that you can see it.

I can see 4 rooms when I click on breakout rooms.

Yep. And do you see the names of the tables at all? No.

Oh, that's through the app. But I can't see— I've got the app Twine running.

Yep.

But the map doesn't give me anything other than you and I. In the main room.

Can you see money songs, money myths, money? I can see now.

I can see now, actually.

Yeah, I can see now. Just choose one of the rooms and just jump in and have a chat.

Okay, got you.

Anyone you want, and every 3 minutes I'll just move you.

Jane, I don't have any idea how to get there.

No problem whatsoever, we can do that here. Um, so tell me, Patricia, if you want to stay here. If anyone else wants to go into the other rooms, I can see that Ronnie's in Money Myths. Who wants to go and jump in with Ronnie? Is that you, Bailey, jumping in there?

I can see the rooms, but I can't see the way of joining them.

Uh, it should say Joy, I can possibly just move you into that room. Let me have a look. Nope, that's okay. So tell me, people who are here, tell me some of the money myths that came up for you. What are some of the things that you've heard in your past that are money myths?

Am I in your room, Jane?

Yes, you are. Okay, okay. Um, sorry. Money myths. Does anyone have a, a money myth that they've heard in the past, which is, you know, rich people are bad? What kind of stories have you heard?

I think in my case, I'm going to check that I have the button on. Yes. Like, I always, in my family, I never perceived the money that was there. Like, we— I didn't felt that we were that we didn't have it, but I knew in a way that it wasn't there. And that is something that is just never make me aware of the money, where the money come from. When I knew that mom was, was working all the time to get it, and this was something that she has to work really, really hard to have whatever thing we had at the time. Uh, so that is one of the things that I always have in my mind. You have just to work so hard and it's the only way to get just enough, just for whatever you need, just enough.

So there was never excess. It was like, work really hard and you can just exist.

Yes, it is just too hard to get it, maybe, or just is the only way. That was a— like, that was the— what I got from her, I think.

Yeah, no, that's great. Thanks for that. What about you, Sue? Did you have maybe a money story from your youth?

Um, The—

I'm just trying to think.

It was always about working and paying bills and renting or buying an asset, buying a house and then selling it. Um, but there was never excess. It was always, um, a great amount of care needed to be done and no waste, right?

Yeah. So just enough, always just enough, always lack.

And anyone that had a Mercedes or whatever were very rich, even though they weren't, um, or that was them. Um, yes, always.

I'm interested, Patricia and Sue, you know, very similar stories about, you know, just having enough. Was there a message that you got from your parents around people who had enough? Like, were they— did they judge them?

They were mean.

They were mean.

And there was no forward planning. In, in the family situation. There was no, if I buy a house, I'll be stable, or if I invest in this. There was nothing. It was just day to day. Um, yeah.

Wow.

It's like what we have is like we wanted to be better. So in Colombia, where I come from, we have social economic levels. So depends how much money you have, if you have a house, if you are renting, you are in a lower level or in a higher level. So you always work hard to go higher and higher, and the people that have more is happier or enjoy more, or we have— we were able to live in a better place. Like, the opportunities change. Yeah, depends where you were. So just whatever you do, you just try to get up. And sometimes just having to show off other people is going to make you feel that you are in another level, but maybe the economy underneath wasn't strong. You just get the— let's say, move, buy a new house in other place and try to live there, but you cannot afford that. So it's always that if you wanted to be better and more, because when you have it, it's going to be happier, but you get there trying to do it with your nails, and still you see that is so hard, and maybe you are not as peaceful because you just are doing it in the hard way.

It all sounds very hard, right? Yeah, always struggle, always hard. What about you, Andrew? What came up for you?

There was just growing up an underlying premise that we never wanted for anything, but there was never an excess of cash. And it was a bit like Sue, you just sort of need to make things, spread things out and Yeah, um, beggars can't be choosers. I heard that a few times, uh, growing up.

Yeah, okay, good. Yeah, and I guess that, um, also, you know, that beggars can't be choosers is such a— gosh, you know, it's such a foundational kind of thing. You know, when your parents— when you want something and your parents are like you know, well, beggars can't be choosers. And you, you kind of have that mentality that you don't have a choice because you're a beggar. Like, they've really relegated you to that mentality that, you know, things aren't for you. Other people can have it, but things aren't for you. So yeah, absolutely, it's, um, it's very, uh, compelling when you get that kind of, uh, information bombarded to you. What about you, Ursula? Did you have a message growing up?

Um, yeah, it was always, um, my mom, um, moaning about like having a go at my dad that he doesn't get any extra work. And she was working two, like, two jobs as a teacher because he was a headmaster and he just, you know, immersed himself in this job and didn't really care.

Yeah.

So, but you know, interestingly, I was thinking about it, but I grew up, it was tight, but I didn't have any reference because there was no internet. Everybody was in similar shoes and in a village. And I just remember being so happy. Like my sister's got the same memory. We were so happy because we didn't have even TV. Like TV was in a really bad, there was like 2 channels only. So there was nothing for kids really, you know, once a week. And we had to improvise, right? So we were very happy. But with money, I remember my mother saying that, you know, those who had money, they were not honest, they were thieves. Um, and also I remember that for me, people who have cars— because there were so few people who had car in the village— that they were extremely rich.

Yeah, okay.

Because we didn't get a car until I was already sort of early teenage, right?

Right.

And yeah, that, that was, that was what I got. But later on, interestingly, when I was studying, my parents gave me too much money, I think, and I started being a spender, right? Didn't get any kind of guidance or any lessons about how to manage money. Even so, they were— or maybe that's why, because I saw them saving all the times, you know, they're building a new house for us, but at the sacrifice of never going on holidays and never buying anything for themselves, always sacrificing.

Yeah, yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Because, um, it— those kind of, you know, sacrifices, or the— I mean, I know as a child growing up, we, we definitely didn't have a lot of money, but we never felt the lack. Like, there wasn't— everyone wanted to be at our house because, you know, we had— everyone had fun at our house. And they would bring their boot roller skates, and we didn't have boot roller skates, but it was okay because everyone wanted to hang out with us. So we didn't have that. And although my parents never owned— I mean, never owned a home, um, it never crossed my mind that you needed to have a home to be wealthy. Like, it I had parents, I had friends that, you know, we'd go to their house and they'd have a pool and we're like, yay, you know, they've got a pool. And so I never had that sense that there was a separation between the wealthy and the not, other than attitudes. So I remember this lady coming up to my mom and when we, about 6 months after we moved to Dubbo, and she said, oh my gosh, I didn't know you are, you're related to a doctor. I thought you were just ordinary. 'Oh gosh, can I invite you to morning tea?' And Mum was like struggling to make friends and see people, and because my dad's brother was a doctor, all of a sudden she was okay. Oh my God. And she did that to us after that one day, and I was just like, oh my God, how is there a hierarchy that your dad's a doctor and therefore, you know, you are worthy to be— and, you know, I was just, I was just continually surprised. So for me, it wasn't the physical things that I saw that separated people, it was that mental thing. And she just came straight out and said it, and I was just like, holy moly, that is just extraordinary.

Isn't it also interesting, despite parents— my mom saying all those things, I did not— I do not remember feeling that way, that, as you say, separation. I was just so happy with all I got. We went on holidays maybe 3 times or 4 times. Yeah, you know, it was always in Poland, not abroad, and that was the happiest. But I felt abundant. I don't know, just thinking about it, it was abundance that I felt with, you know, everything I had— the snow, the excitement, and, you know, children around and people, you know, friends to play with. I had one doll. I remember that doll. I can describe it now. I had one doll that was gifted to me, and I had it through all my childhood.

It's interesting you say that. I've got a photo of my sister and I Christmas morning, and we're both in the same nightie, and we both have a book and a little Cindy doll. I mean, that was it. And now I look at Christmas— yes. And we just thought we were the luckiest kids in the world, right? We just didn't have that separation. But I'm really keen to throw it out to you guys, you know, raise your hand and please unmute and share. I'd love to hear some of your stories that have come up that maybe you haven't, you recognized before? Anyone like to share? Yeah, Bailey.

Um, I didn't realize how much of an aversion I have to accumulating wealth. Um, so just growing up in South Florida, I just had it firmly in my brain I was the have-not to the haves. That were like living extreme wealth. So I had lots of stories around like accumulating wealth is evil. I remember my stepdad talking to me about Reagan taking away the wealth tax and how that leading to a lot of the inequalities. And I was going to school with people who were even worse off and seeing those big discrepancies. So when you add the question around, well, how is it coming into your own life? Like I can drive through a nice neighborhood and just feel rage.

Like, wow, you for having all—

like, you know, who are you? What have you done?

Like, what children are you exploiting to have this? Is like the weird stories going on. Um, not to say that, like, I still live in a way where I'm spending money, but it's just not accumulating for me, or it's not something that I'm consciously doing. Um, I don't think about it because we didn't talk about it, you know. Um, all of this wasn't things really my parents directly said because we didn't talk about money. And so that's still something that holds up today. Um, but yeah, it was a really good exercise to go in like—

thank you for sharing, that's fantastic. What an observation, right? Rage, that's a feeling that's, uh, yeah, that's going to be really easy to detect in the future. Go, well, what— there goes my story. Hello. And it's these signposts, right, that come up for us that that I kind of look at and with a sense of a blessing that we've actually been able to look at it and go, ah, okay, there you are, with humor. And, you know, humor around the fact that, you know, Reagan has come and gone and we could probably move on. Who else would like to share what's come up for anyone?

Um, I came up with that I'd always had a sense of responsibility even as a young child.

Interesting.

For my family and for the people around me. Which I don't think was a bad thing, but there was always lack and, um, just that mindset of always being careful and the family mindset of actually making some really bad financial decisions.

You know, my parents bought a house, sold it, always rented after that.

Um, yeah, so it's interesting. But, um, then I started working.

Do you see, um, you know, that experience of your parents and the fact that they didn't have, you know, they had that property choice, then they moved on, and then they rented, and the environment that that created for you. Do you find that now that you have this need to potentially protect and have the home, or have homes maybe?

Absolutely. Enough is never enough.

And it's interesting in seeing that, you know, I, um, I know your, your story and I know your properties, but it's, it's interesting to go back to where it began. And then, you know, when you're having that doubt or that confusion around, you know, should I be buying another property or should I be selling this property? And if I do that, what am I going to end up with? Going back to that story that was your parents' story. And the funniest thing is, right, is that they came up with that story from their parents or their experiences. And we're just perpetuating this generational kind of change, which, you know, I'd love to kind of look at and go, well, how does that then affect us with how we're educating the people we have the opportunity to actually change as well? Yeah, so our children or those that we influence in our life, you know, how are we turning up for them?

Yes.

Hey Rach, did you have something you'd like to share?

You're on mute, Rach.

Yeah, thanks. Um, yeah, well, what's really obvious to me about in my childhood, first of all, there was only just enough money, was only just enough. And funny, you're talking about Christmas. Um, I remember Christmas when I was 11, my dream gift was a pair of jeans. 'cause we were not allowed to have jeans. So that was my gift. And now like clothes are like, who wants clothes for Christmas? But that was really exciting 'cause we were supposed to be proper little ladies, you know? And as girls, as I grew up with two sisters and you were never really expected to have a career to make your own money. And if you, you know, you work hard for whatever you get, it's gotta be, like hard labor, basically. The fact that you— I mean, whether you enjoy it or not was irrelevant. Um, but really, as a female, from my mum and my, um, my maternal grandmother, it was like, oh, if you're lucky, you'll marry a lawyer or a doctor and you'll be wealthy. You know, it was always— would come from someone else, not from me. And we were never expected to be— I did end up being a corporate director at one point, but it was never expected. You were like, you know, you'd be a secretary and as I said, marry the boss kind of thing.

And, um, lucky days, marry the boss. Yeah.

But anyway, yeah, so just an observation, good to be aware of. And, and even when I was the corporate, I didn't buy my own home because I like still thought that was going to come when I married someone or Yeah, yeah, early in my career.

Interesting, those expectations, especially, you know, around, you know, the, the knight in shining armor. You know, a man's not a financial plan, but for a lot of women generationally, that was, you know, did you want to be a nurse or did you want to be a, um, a teacher? And, you know, still in the '80s, women couldn't get home loans if they didn't have a male signing them. Yeah. When you got married, you had to give up your job in the '70s. Or, you know, on airplanes, even today in Emirates, as soon as you turn 50, you have to stop being an air hostess because you're not, you know, you're not age-appropriate for the guests. I mean, you know, so, you know, we have those female things, but just as likely, you know, we have male kind of stereotypes too, you know, get a job, look after the family, give up your, your hopes and dreams. You know, Dad worked hard, or, you know, and I know, you know, I, to get to university, I knew I had to get a scholarship. My parents couldn't assist me in doing that. And I also knew that I wouldn't be able to afford to, um, to, you know, accommodate myself. And so I started nannying. I went from, you know, basically school into a full-time nannying role in Double Bay. And I saw for the first time how the other half lived. And this husband had— he was a stockbroker, and she, you know, was a, um, uh, a socialite, you know, Double Bay, Eastern Suburbs, very expensive and rich area of Sydney, New South Wales, and Australia. And, you know, had this beautiful home, and they had two cleaning ladies so that— because the mother didn't want one cleaning lady to think that she couldn't do the job, so she had a second one who'd come 3 days a week and one would come 2 days a week because she didn't want them judging her. And they had the, the pool guy and they had the gardener and they had the window cleaning guy and they had me nannying. Now their kids were 12 and 13. My job was to tutor them at night in, in homework make sure that they did breakfast. We learned pretty quickly I wouldn't be cooking them dinner because I couldn't cook. But I had to fluff up the, the, um, pillows on the lounge every morning just in case someone turned up for a morning tea. And but the most important job was as soon as the dad came home that the parents could go to the parents' retreat and the children were kept away from them because he had a very stressful job He was a stockbroker, and my job was to keep the dad— the kids away from the father and allow the mother to have drinking time with the dad so that they could de-stress. And then the children can come in. We're talking teenagers here. Children could come in, say good night to the parents, and then, you know, get on with it. And it was just— I was just like, God, is that how— is that how rich people live? Isn't that interesting? You know, so it's a bit— you're constantly getting fed these stories. Anyone else have a story that came up for them that they can see affecting them still? Yeah, Julie.

I think for me, just so many things you said just started me on the spiel of that I've carried the wealth considerations of my parents through and I still live them. I was laughing about when you said about, is there an heirloom? I have it sitting in here that I was making everyone laugh. An alabaster statue that was the only thing they had that was wealth. In their day. Everything else they either burnt or got rid of when they had to move house, living up through the Depression. So the statue's been passed down and passed down and passed down, and now I have it. And then that led me just to think about all the things that I've kind of taken on. It's almost like I'm living their wealth experience because that's how I was brought up. And it's just kind of hitting me in the head. I think, yeah, that my dad said to me, 'Keep your money. Don't show your wealth. You keep it and make sure you keep it all in your name. Don't ever have a joint account.' And actually, to this day, I don't have a joint account. I've been with Terence 33 years. We don't have a joint account.

It's like your dad was pretty good at telling you what to do, wasn't he?

No, he was. I was pretty good at obeying too, I think. So yeah. And also just thinking of of Mum always saying she really wanted to have a house in Mount Eliza. But when she wins the lottery or when she wins— I was trying to think of that thing you used to do, crossword that you used to put in every Friday. We used to run into the city with the crossword and put it in because she was always trying to win something. And you didn't get anything until you actually could pay for it. So it was— yeah, that's how you got your wealth. So just really interesting.

Yeah.

Brought out a myriad of You know, one of the most interesting stories I've heard about, um, and this is not generational, it is kind of generational, but it's not familiar generational, is the, um, in the soldiers that were at— not the soldiers, they're in the army, you know, there's a, a process of, you know, setting up the, the guns, you know, putting the shell in getting ready to fire, standing back 10 feet, and whilst they fire, fire, waiting a few moments— I think it was like 2 minutes or something— and going back and resetting the shell. And this young recruit had said to the commanding officer, you know, why do we do that? And he's like, you know, 50 push-ups for you and 50 push-ups for everyone, because, you know, you never question an order of someone. This is just what we do. But later, when he got back into the officer's mess, he's like, does anyone know why we step back. And they're like, 'I'm not.' And they actually researched it, and they found out that when they used to use horses to pull up the guns, they used to pull up the guns, they used to put the, the shell into the gun, they'd move the horses back so the percussion didn't hit or hurt the horses. And so everyone would move back 10 feet with the horses, and they would fire, and then they'd let everything calm down, and then they'd go up with the horses again and move again. And so this was something that had been done for over 100 years, and they were doing it without really knowing why. And, you know, I know sometimes when you get into like, um, say Christmas or family events and, and people go, no, no, we have to use this container, or this is the way we make things here. And I know, you know, we had a, uh, we grew up, you know, on a farm. We'd have roast lamb 3 nights a week, chops 4 nights a week. That was pretty much it, right? And I know for my 12th birthday, my mum said to me, what would you like? I was like, There's this magic thing called tacos. Can we have tacos? And she's like, oh, it's a bit out there, but we will try. We had tacos for the first time. I like— to this day, tacos just make my heart sing. I feel like I'm having a birthday. But, um, you know, we— everyone cooked the lamb the same way. My sister could cook a roast lamb from the age of 8, right? She'd go home, we'd come home from school, she'd put it on. And this one year, um, my husband and I were cooking Roast lamb. And it was a friend of ours, we'd been to her place, she's Greek, she cooks this slow roast lamb at like 120 for about 8 hours and it's melt in your mouth. And oh my God, it takes so long and you're putting sauces all over it. And so Todd and I spent this entire day cooking this roast lamb and other family came over for dinner and we were just like, ah, here's something new. And I was like, well, you've ruined Christmas. This is not roast lamb. This is not how you do roast lamb. Like, what? I'm like, we've got something here. I'm like, no, this is the— just ruined Christmas now for all of us. And I was just like, wow, you know. So, you know, it's this— there's all of these family stories that we're pulling through. And, you know, God forbid I ever do a roast lamb any different again. But, you know, these money stories and these money experiences and the bombardment and Even like the, the heirlooms that we have that may be ugly, that we don't really want, that we keep perpetuating, and we leave them in our wills to the next person because they're family, you know, and they're important. And they were important to someone at one stage where, you know, they saved them, it was the last thing they had, or, you know, it was, it was the only thing of wealth in the family, and we perpetuated it. But, you know, I know that family jug, great-granddad's jug we had a family Christmas when I was like 9 or 10, and my other grandmother made fruit salad in the jug, in the, in the great big bowl that the, the jug was set in. And my sister and I were horrified that this jug that we were never allowed to touch had been completely used for the wrong thing. It had to sit on the, on the cupboard and never be used. And they're like, oh, it makes sense, we've got 30 people here, we'll put fruit salad in And we were just— we could not believe that someone had done something like that because we'd been taught that this was the most special thing in the world. And, you know, to this day, you know, sometimes we have these things that are so special that we don't use them. And I, I look at things now and the Waterford Crystal, use it every single day because, you know, why wait and wait until that special occasion for that thing that's so special? So I think it's really important that we kind of identify with this, and this is the importance of this premise that is really that, you know, we have this operating system and we think about it, we've got this, you know, thing that's, that's kind of working all the time in our head. We've got these 400 billion pieces of information, but we just have 2,000 that we filter through, and that filter is this old operating system. And the key, or the signpost, is the feelings and thoughts, the rage when you go through the suburb, or it's the, um, you know, the, the feeling of lack when you see other people with things, or that they're mean. You know, these thoughts and feelings are actually a really nice link or a really nice signpost to— there's something going on there. You know, there's a belief system that's coming up, and what happens when that comes up? We make a choice on how we act. And what happens then? We have an experience that often reinforces it. You see people who have money as being mean, and that's all that you see. You have a bias now of identifying with people who are mean. Or, you know, you get some money and you act mean. You're like, there you go, I knew that. Or you have a premise or a kind of belief that is, you know, easy come, easy go. And you win the money at the lottery, but then, you know, the car breaks down and you have to, you know, go and change the engine or whatever. And like, yeah, easy come, easy go. I always told you that's how it is. And so we're actually creating these things, these stories that come up. So, you know, um, I, and I think that, you know, there are