In this motivational monologue, the speaker explores the relationship between pain, suffering, and personal choice, arguing that while pain is an inevitable part of life, suffering is optional and hinges on how we respond to tension. The speaker emphasizes the importance of becoming aware of moments of discomfort as guideposts that reveal when we are slipping into old, default belief patterns. Central to navigating these moments is the application of "will," defined as self‑determination rather than forceful or manipulative effort. By consciously directing attention toward what we truly want and recognizing that we possess all necessary tools, experiences, and a "resilience CV"—a personal record of past challenges overcome—we can choose how to "turn up" in any situation. The talk outlines two response pathways: operating within the constraints (the "matrix") we or society have built, or stepping beyond those boundaries to view limitations as opportunities for growth. Ultimately, the speaker urges listeners to build and shore up their resilience, use awareness of past experiences, and apply willful choice to transform pain into purposeful action.
Chapters
The whole concept of the fact that pain is inherent and suffering is optional, I just find such a relief because it means that there's a choice. And whenever tension comes up, or whenever you feel uncomfortable, or you get negative emotions, negative feelings, for me it is an awareness guidepost that says What's happening here? And it, it often is me just being aware that I'm going into my default belief situation or patterns that I've acted out in the past. And it would take me days. And sometimes obviously I never knew that I was acting out from the past, but it now can be seconds. And I get into a situation where I can feel anxious or stressful or a negative feeling will come up. And I think you only have tension when there's a choice. There's only tension when there's an option, which is, here's something I don't really want to do, and this is where I am at the moment. And I think just that awareness piece is so important. But then there is the key to it all, and that is applying your will. Will is basically self-determination. That you are whole, making that assumption that you are whole and applying to what you really want and saying, that's it, that's where I'm focusing my attention. That's what I wanna create. I can do this. I have everything within myself. But will is the key for you to actually act. So there's an action step in here, and it's not about being willful, which is around manipulating, hard work, exhaustion, overwhelm, being powerful and manipulating people. It's not about being willful. It's about applying will, and will is that self-determination that is, you know, I've got this. There's a positive expectation. I know what I want to create. I know what I'm going for. I'm realistic about where I am, and I'm going to let the situation unfold and me to be observant of the 400 billion pieces of information per second and all the information out there for me to actually take this to the next step. Know that I have got everything within me, all the tools, all the experience, all the success, and all of the cautionary tales that I've been through. I've built up a robust CV of resilience, and I can do this, and I'm going to go for what my heart wants. I'm going to go for the end result. And for me, when I've been thinking about the people I've been working with this month and seeing them struggle through different circumstances, At every single point, there was an indicator that they were in tension about choices, about doing something or believing there was something that they had to do that they had no choice about, or the fact that they were not going to do anything, like they were just going to freeze or they were going to capitulate and fawn. And for some people, they come out fighting, they come out angry, and they come out frustrated, and they come out exhausted at the end. And some people go through and completely disappear. And they might disappear mentally. They might just withhold themselves, withhold love, withhold conversation, take themselves outta the situation physically or emotionally. Every single time that we are faced with a situation, be it as easy as a conflict at home or a conflict with a child or someone who's cut us off in traffic, or to something quite substantial, maybe a health challenge, maybe a business challenge, maybe a renovation gone wrong, or something hasn't turned out how you want it to turn out. There is a point where you get to choose how you're going to turn up. And our resilience CVs are the things that we know we've built up from the past to say we've survived, we've got through this. We may have some scars, we may have some, some proof of battle that we've been through, but you know, fortune favors the bold. And as warriors to what we want to create in life and being the ultimate creators, and we have these tools to step into and to draw on and to allow us to actually live the lives that we want, knowing that things will come up, that we have everything that we need within to deal with it. And all we need to do is apply the will and be vigilant to the fact that we have a choice. When we get that guidepost that comes up and says, we're feeling tension, we're feeling unease, and I feel like the situation is outside of my control, because there's really two ways to act. We can act within the matrix, and we know that there's boundaries— be those prison bars of beliefs, conditions, limitations, society expectations, expectations of our family, expectations that we've told ourselves that we have to fix. Now we have these boundaries, and we can choose to work within the boundaries that have been constructed for us and by us, or we can choose to see that and we say we want to work with the boundaries, we want to exit that matrix, we want to see these limitations, we want to see these circumstances as opportunities for us to exhibit our will and show that we choose to turn up in a different way. So for me, resilience— and really what I wanted to bring to you today was that awareness piece around the fact that resilience is a tool that we have, but it's a tool that we can build on and we can shore up. But just an awareness of those experiences that we've had in the past is going to give us so much that allows us to adapt to situations in the future and choose how we want to turn up. Because what we've heard today, pain is inherent, will turn up, but suffering is optional. And we choose how we can actually deal with these difficult situations.
