Ep.103- Surviving Trauma, Addiction and Bipolar with Triathlete Tim Davis

This is the You Winning Life podcast, your number one source for mastering a positive existence. Each episode we'll be interviewing exceptional people, giving you empowering insights and guiding you to extraordinary outcomes. Learn from specialists in the worlds of integrative and natural wellness, spirituality, psychology, and entrepreneurship so you too can be winning life. Now here's your host, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified neuro-emotional technique practitioner, trainer and certified entrepreneur coach, Jason Wasser.

So welcome back. Today's guest is an athletics coach, science teacher, 12-time Ironman finisher, one-time double Ironman finisher, and the 7-time 100-mile endurance run finisher. He is the author of Tripolar, which is a story of a bipolar triathlete, ultra runner, triathlete, advocate for mental health, 12-step programs, and how physical training promotes mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. All the way from the LA area, I would love to welcome Tim Davis. Thanks for hanging out with us.

Hey, thank you for having me. It's great to be here.

My absolute pleasure. When I saw all of the things that you are centering your life around, it spoke to me, right? 'Cause I'm a therapist, which, and bringing in health, wellness, physical movement, goal setting, self-care, all those things are so important to living a healthy life. So I'm really glad that you're here and that you're going to share your story and a lot of tips for people, whether it's something that they're going through any of these things or not. There's going to be so many common themes that we all go through that I think that you're going to be an incredible person to share some, some tips on how to succeed in life.

Yeah, I hope so. I've learned a lot over the years. It took a while to get here, but yeah, there's just a few basic things I do for self-care. I mean, I try to keep it simple, but they're very important. And they make me a happier person and my whole household a happier household.

So yeah, for sure. So let's start off with that, right?

Let's—

so, you know, because we can get into the story, but I think right as we're now in— as this interview is taking place, it's the middle of February 2021, and self-care has to be at the forefront of everything we're doing with this pandemic we just got out of. You know, there's crazy politics going on, and we have to prioritize the things that we have to prioritize versus letting all the chaos consume us. So what are some of the things that you kind of maybe have decided are your daily vitamins, the things that are must-haves for you in order for you to be the healthiest human being you can possibly be?

All right. Well, that's really easy. First thing for me is, you know, I got sober through 12-step programs. So most days I have my home group is a 6:15 AM meeting. It's called the Sunrise Meeting. And a lot of days, except for when I sleep in, but most days I start with that meeting and it gets me centered. It's an hour long. And so going to a 12-step meeting and praying and meditating is huge. And then exercising, you know, I'm kind of an exercise addict. I kind of became that in sobriety. And I just, I love the way the endorphins make me feel. So it's a priority for me to either swim, bike, or run, or do some weight training or yoga, or, you know, other cross-training for at least a half hour to an hour each day. A lot of days, a little more than that, A little obsessive about that, but those are key. And just eating right, being healthy, and being of service to others. You know, like, you know, make sure my daughter has breakfast before she starts her distance learning school. See if my wife needs coffee or anything. Just help them out and, you know, fix everything around the house because apparently I'm the only one who's handy with tools. So, you know, that's the dad job, traditional role. I mean, my wife helps sometimes. I shouldn't knock her. She's actually pretty handy. So, you know, we do a lot of projects together, so that's cool.

Yeah. So eating healthy, moving your body, hydration, contemplation, which can be for people prayer, could be meditation, can doing of service. A lot of it's funny because a lot of these are ingrained in all of the psychological disciplines, are ingrained in all the spiritual disciplines, are also ingrained in the 12-step discipline, right? As far as, right, be of service. And right, that's the whole, you know, sponsor-sponsee paradigm that's in the 12-step world, right? And finding ways that you can I guess leverage your talents to make the world a better place.

Yeah, for sure. Um, I mean, most of this I've learned through therapy and 12 steps, you know, when I was getting sober. Um, and it, you know, like you said, being of service, helping others. I mean, when I first heard about that when I was getting sober, see, it sounded a little odd, but it just really does feel good to help others, you know. And, and, you know, in AA we say, uh, you can't keep it unless you give it away, you know, for fun and for free, you know. So that's like, you know, if you want to keep your sobriety, you gotta, you know, sponsor other guys, which I do, you know, because my, you know, my sponsors didn't get paid to sponsor me. They still don't, you know, and I don't know, it's just a free thing. We just, you know, if you give, you take, you give back, it's great.

So let's go back to the time where life was a little bit more chaotic for you, because now we're on the opposite side of the mountain. So let's go to the right where this all started. And, you know, you talked about going through 12 steps in recovery and, uh, all these other things. What was going on then that started getting you to the outcomes, the positive outcomes that you have now, that were in a place of chaos and stuff like that for you back then?

Yeah, what was going on then was, you know, I was 25 and my wife was pregnant with our first child and I was smoking so much weed and drinking so much alcohol at that time that she was worried I wouldn't be sober enough to drive her to the hospital, you know, when the baby was ready to pop out. And, you know, I went to one meeting and felt like, you know, this wasn't for me. I could quit on my own like many alcoholics and addicts do when they're, you know, first thinking maybe it might be a problem, but most of us think we can quit whenever we want. And anyway, you know, I got sober long enough to get her to the hospital, but then I, you know, went on a binge right after that and disappeared for a few days. And that's not a good thing to do when you got a newborn at home and you're supposed to be a responsible parent. So, you know, having kids really made me realize that I really need to get my stuff together. But it took a while because I didn't realize that, you know, I really had to want it for myself. I wasn't fully surrendered. It took a handful of years of kind of going in and out of the program. But I did commit to, you know, my first rehab you know, a few months after he was born. And, you know, that began a 5-year series of kind of going in and out, getting some time, like maybe 30, 60, 90 days, even a couple times 6 months, but then thinking, you know, oh, I could have just one drink, but it never was just one drink. And at the same time, I started therapy when I first started going to rehab. And I, you know, I had, at age 25, I had like kind of at least 12 to 15 years of unprocessed stuff that I really needed to work through. 'Cause when I was first getting sober, I wanted to blame everybody but myself for my drinking and using. I wanted to blame, bad things that happened in my childhood. You know, my older brother who kind of got me started on all, you know, smoking weed and booze, you know, he was 4 years older than me. And when he was 12, he started doing it. So when I was 8, I started doing it because he just let me do what he did, you know. And so, and then there was the trauma of my dad dying at age 13 and my older brother blaming me for his death, you know, in this tragic accident in our house. And, you know, in therapy and rehab, you know, they kind of asked you this question, can you pinpoint the point or determine which point in your life did you start using drugs and alcohol to escape pain and negative feelings? And that was really easy for me because, you know, it was after my dad died and being blamed for his death that I started to drink and use to escape, you know, painful negative feelings. And then that just became my coping mechanism for the next, you know, 15 years until I finally got sober.

Well, that's a key component that a lot of people don't talk about in general when you're trying to heal and move forward in life, to identify some of the traumas and what stage of life, what developmental stage of life those traumas happened. And I know that based on my work as a therapist and all the trainings I've taken is that if you don't navigate and heal the trauma, it's gonna make sobriety much more difficult because anything that triggers somebody, even if it's not the direct same story as what they went through, but if you have an emotional experience, right? In other words, you get frustrated or angry or sad or disappointed or resentment, anything that's gonna trigger that same emotion, even though the experience is different, will still bring up those old unfinished things, right? And that will continue to cause someone to want to, right, self-medicate in whatever way they do it, healthy or unhealthy, in order to feel better about what that emotion is. So again, it really doesn't matter for me what the trauma is about, because it's the emotions linked to the trauma. It's the belief about what that trauma is like, you know, that experience is like for you. I'm not saying that the experience is not important. I'm saying is that I want to get to the underlying thing is, look, what is going on for you in relationship to that trauma and then work from there to help resolve through it. So what were some of the ahas that you had, if you want to share, that you realized about yourself that allowed you to move forward, to allow you to have some healing in this process?

Yeah, well, one of the biggest ahas is I had to realize that I had to stop blaming everybody else for me being an alcoholic and addict and for my problems, you know, because early on in my marriage, I wanted to blame my wife for being too controlling or a nag or whatever, all these negative things. You know, I would purposely start fights with her just so I could have an excuse to, you know, take off and go drink or get high. And I did that a lot. It was so bad. You know, we started going to couples therapy, you know, a year before our son was born. And, you know, sometimes I would smoke weed before going into the sessions. And pretty much, you know, she would kind of basically bitch about all the things I was doing, like getting high every day. And then, you know, when it was my turn to talk, you know, I would kind of, you know, say a few things. But then our couples therapist would always suggest that I go to 12-step meetings. And I wasn't wasn't ready for that yet.

How dare they? Yeah.

Yeah. So that was my first bout with therapy. But then once I got sober, I got this great therapist who was 15 years sober, and we had this pact that I had to keep seeing him until I got 5 years sober or 1 year sober. It took 5 years to get the 1 year sober.

Right.

Right. Really helped me work through a lot of the stuff, you know, and process all that, you know, the trauma and the abuse, because I was also severely physically abused by my older brother and a little bit by my dad, you know. And when my dad died, I lost my protector because my dad would, you know, if he caught my older brother whipping on me, he would whoop on my older brother. But once my dad wasn't around, I didn't have my protector to stop him. And he raged a lot more than my dad did. So takeaways were, you know, I got to work on myself. I can't blame others. It's an inside job. And, you know, figure out, you know, what were the things that triggered me, you know, learning what my triggers were and learning other coping mechanisms besides self-medicating with drugs and alcohol to, you know, deal with those things like saying the Serenity Prayer, journaling. I started journaling a lot. You know, we do that a lot with, you know, step writing process, especially 4th and 5th step. But even continuing with the daily 10-step inventory. And when you do your inventory, you kind of write down what you're resentful about or what your fear is or what you feel harmed you. And then you kind of try to identify who or what caused that. And then you try to identify the feeling behind that. Is it affecting your ego or your self-pride or there's a handful, I can't think of all the other ones, but what about you is that, emotion or feeling, you know, connecting it to that, and then you can work past it. And then the fourth column, which they don't mention in the Big Book, but most sponsors will tell you to do is, what is your part in that situation? You know, again, try pointing the finger at yourself.

The accountability side of things, right, which is so tough for people to get through. And I had a conversation with someone today about this, and at the end of the conversation, at the end of the session, I'm like, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much did I frustrate you and piss you off today? Me, the therapist, yeah, right? Because I knew that they were not having it. I knew they were not happy with me, and I wanted to call that out and put it on the table, but I also wanted them to take accountability for their emotional experience, that it's not me, it's anybody who button pushes them, yeah. And but yet they were coming to me as a button, right? If they were going to come and attempt to solve the problem with me the same way they always solve the problem, we're not getting anywhere, and my job is to do something different. And then therefore I said, my job is to push buttons to see what comes up, to see how you respond, to see how you react, to to see how you engage with that and also to see what do you do then. And I said, is there a part of you that doesn't want to come see me again next week? And the person said, absolutely. Great. Where else is that showing up in your life when someone pushes you and agitates you? Oh, well, I run. Oh, how many therapists have you been to in the last X amount of years? Oh, I've been to this many. I'm like, that's a lot of therapists. How many of them agitated you? All of them. Uh-huh. And what's going on with what you're trying to solve with the people you're trying to solve? Oh, no, I, you know, so how are you going to be different with me so we can then take it and be different with other people? Right. So it's all about the pattern. And I love what you're saying, right? That accountability piece.

Yeah.

Is so huge. And the other side of the coin is that you have to be fully responsible for your feelings and emotions and also know that you are not responsible for what someone else feels. Yeah. Don't be a dick to them. Right.

Yeah.

But you're not responsible to solve anybody else's issues or responsible for when you are being the version of you that's the healthiest. If someone else doesn't like it, you're not responsible for that and you shouldn't one down your needs because they may not like that you're actually trying to be healthy.

Yeah, we're powerless over people, places, and things, and we have to learn to set healthy boundaries for ourselves. You know, everything you're saying is like, you know, my sponsor forces me to do that, to look in the mirror. And, you know, when I first was going through this process, there were times when I hated him and I didn't want to go meet with him to do step work. And, you know, I wanted to blame him for my problems. I mean, when I first got sober, I basically fired my sponsor. Every time I relapsed, I blamed my sponsor for the relapse. You know, I went through several sponsors, and it was me. You know, the common denominator was me. And once I finally surrendered and, you know, got tired of doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results but getting the same result, which was, you know, drinking and using and ruining, you know, causing all kinds of problems in my relationships around me— once I did that, then I was willing to take contrary action, which they teach you in the 12-Step Program. You know, you got If you want things to be different, you got to do different things to get different results. And so I started doing all that.

And well, you also got better, different, right? And you also, it's not even just coming up with, with different solutions. It's your thinking and foundational starting point of where you try to solve a solution that has to be radically different, right? And so there's what we call first and second order change in the therapy world, right? And the first order change is like the New Year's resolution. I'm just going to go to the gym, right? But that doesn't change the belief system and the structure around that. That's a second order change, right? And that's why most people's commitment to something fails after 5, 10, 15 days. And why, you know, all this new gym equipment is now on sale right now at the beginning of February on OfferUp for, you know, they spent the $1,300 on that Bowflex and now they're selling it for $500 because it's like, ah, it's sat there for the last 6 weeks. Right. So that's first order thinking where it's kind of like, I need to do something different. And then they try to solve the problem with the same thinking and same logic that got them stuck in the problem in the first place. And that's a huge thing that I want people to hear from this conversation right now. Right. You can't solve the problem from the same way that got you stuck in the problem in the first place. And I think Einstein— I think that's an Einstein quote, if I'm not mistaken. I can't remember the exact wording, but it's something along that, that Einstein said.

Right.

You can't solve the problem with the same logic that got you there in the first place. And the same thing. Right. You have to think from a very different foundational way, in a very different way of understanding and appreciating and embracing, which really does come with accountability and empowerment. Right?

Right, exactly.

Yeah, so transition us into the athletic side of things as part of your sobriety. Where did that— did you grow up being a runner or a cyclist or anything, or is this something that came new to you as you were going through this transition and journey of sobriety?

In high school, I played a lot of sports. I played football, basketball, and I ran track every year because our football coach said, you know, if you want, you know, spring conditioning, you guys got to run track. And when I started running track my freshman year, You know, I tried a bunch of different events and at the sprinting, yeah, you know, I never, I mean, I wasn't the fastest guy. I was maybe medium, you know, I couldn't get in the top 6 places and win the ribbons and medals, but in the mile and the 2-mile, I was, I had good stamina and good endurance and I could usually finish in the top 6 and get those awards and ribbons, you know, so I kind of stuck to that because, you know, I think, I don't know about, you know, the title of this is You're Winning Life. I liked winning, so I stuck with that because I had more, I was just more naturally suited for that. And then in college, you know, I started running the marathon every year. Like, you know, I was going to USC, and my freshman year, a week before the LA Marathon, I went out to dinner with my roommate and his parents, and they were talking about how his grandpa runs the LA Marathon every year. And me, 18 years old, young, dumb, and, you know, thinks I'm whatever, all that, all that. I decided, well, if an old man can do it, so can I. And I went out and I ran it, and And the first 13 miles went great. The second 13 miles were really rough because I cramped up everywhere and I struggled through it. I did finish under 4 hours, just barely, but it was a mission. But then I was like, well, that was rough. And once I kind of healed up after a week or so of everything, all the lactic acid working itself out, I was like, you know, if I train, I could probably do it faster. And I went back next year and did it in 3.5 hours.

Wow.

And I did it again my junior year. But then my senior year, kind of my drinking and drugging was getting so bad, I got lazy and didn't train for it. It's funny, in AA they say, you know, there's this whole thing we read about like how you know if you're an alcoholic or not, and they list this whole series of things we do, you know, and one of them is taking up bouts of rigorous physical exercise. And, you know, looking back, I can see, you know, and, you know, when I was in college, I was training for the marathon, was something that would kind of help me cut back on drinking and smoking weed so much because I had to focus on my training. But then after I ran the marathon, it was like, you know, everything came back. Yeah, I'm drinking and getting high.

Wait, so your life was segmented? And right, I want people to hear this, right? If you're segmenting out parts of your life where there's times where you say, I know I can block out some unhealthy habits to focus on a specific goal versus this becoming the healthy lifestyle overall, right? What you're saying is like, that's part of this unhealthy pattern. This is part of this unhealthy thinking. And I want people to really hear that where if there's a lot of stops and starts in your life, but you're like, well, I can do this for 6 weeks, but it's not becoming something that's ingrained in you. What should they start thinking about that? Where do they need to go to start looking at that type of stuff to really make it more consistent for themselves?

Well, I think first and foremost, you know, the thing I've learned through therapy and 12-step programs is the 3 A's: awareness, acceptance, and action. In order to change a habit or, you know, kind of solve a problem, you got to first be aware, and then you got to accept it, and then you got to make an action plan and take action for it. You know, and they say it takes 30 days to make a new habit. So you got to at least commit to 30 days. And, you know, if that becomes a thing, great. I know when I was a year and a half sober, I weighed 250 pounds and I was depressed because I'm only 5'8". I was, you know, at least 60 pounds overweight. And I made a New Year's resolution to stop eating seconds, start going to the gym or exercising for at least a half hour to an hour every day. And I had this rule that I wasn't allowed to watch TV or play video games until I did my exercise first. And I started doing that. And I kept this little notebook and I wrote down what I did for exercise every day, which I still do 12 years later. I just, you know, like run 5 miles, play basketball for an hour, whatever it was. And I still do that. And it's just like, it's become this habit. It's just like, you know, it's just, it's automatic. I don't even think about it. I'm like, after my workout, I just jot it down. You know? I mean, now I put it in a spreadsheet on my phone, but yeah, I love it.

Like Jesse Itzler, who is into ultra everything, right? He has his daily vitamins, which, right, these are the things you need to do every day for your day to be right amongst everything else. And I know, I'm not sure if it was either Andy Frisella or, or Ed Mylett that talks about this other power list, right? These are the 5 or so things you have to do in order for your day to also be fully accomplished. I need to do these things no matter what's going on in my world. These things have to get done. As a priority in order for me to know that I'm accomplishing what I want to accomplish. And I'm sure there's other versions of that out, uh, out there also. So I want to challenge people, right? And just in the middle of our conversation, I want to challenge everybody who's listening to create some version of 2, 3, 4, 5 things that you need to do every single day that you know will be uplifting, that will be healthy, that will be spiritual, that will be motivational, that will be helping you move towards a better version of you. And put that down on some type of list. And if you want, I will give you a worksheet that I use with my clients. So you all just have to Instagram— hit me up on Instagram, or you can email me, and I will give you that worksheet for you to do it. If you're stuck, I'm happy to even brainstorm with you if you message me on IG. But let's— right, I really do believe that that's a commitment to do things every day, right? I just did mine. I started mine this week again. I started over, and I admittedly have been lazy about it with all the chaos. This last, you know, few months. And, you know, it's going to be 80 ounces of water minimum. It's going to be 10 minutes of meditation a day, which I've been doing consistently since for the last many months. But now it's, you know, now it's, it's on the list, right? It's not just I'm doing it, but it's now on a list that I have to check off. There has to be some type of movement every day. That's not just me seeing clients. And there's one or two other things on there, but that has to be right. It's gonna be my daily vitamins that I need for the next 30 days towards a goal, right? So, and that's also not including my short-term, long-term goals as well. But I'm very happy— anybody who's listening and they want to walk through this with me, I'm happy to take 5 minutes to walk someone through it. But I do believe that's such a powerful part of personal growth and development. So as you started going and getting back into this, like, where did you start post— you know, as you're now going through this a bunch of years later, where you picked it back up again?

The exercise?

Yeah.

Well, yeah, it started at, you know, January 1st, 2009, when I you know, weighed 250 pounds. I went that day and I just went to go run a mile just to see, you know, I was also smoking a pack of cigarettes a day at the time. It's like, how long does it take me to run a mile? Because in high school I could run in under 5 minutes. And I went and ran a mile. Well, I ran and walked because I couldn't even run a mile straight. And it took me 12 minutes. And, you know, at first I was, wow, this really sucks. I was a little depressed. But, you know, then I was angry. I'm like, you know what, you're going to get back down to at least 6-minute miles again. And, you know, 6 months later, I was back down to 6-minute miles. You know, I just started out, you know, running a mile every day or every other day. And then after a few weeks of running 2 miles, building up, and then, you know, just mixing it up and then doing some cross-training. And, uh, you know, about 6 months later, I'd lost 60 pounds. Um, and then I was doing a half marathon again. I did a half marathon in, uh, 2 hours and 5 minutes, which was slow for me because, you know, when I was younger and right after college, I was running like an hour and a half. Um, but, you know, I was building up from there. 3 months later, I did my first triathlon and just loved it. Um, it was a sprint triathlon and I finished 16th in my age, age group, which I thought was amazing.

Um, it's really not that good, but did you do a lot of training for the other two sports? Are you just like, I can run, so therefore I can bike and I can swim, or you actually catered a curriculum for yourself?

Uh, yeah. Well, right at that 6 months, right after I ran that half marathon, I kind of got this weird injury with my hip. And after seeing a few specialists, they said, basically you lost so much weight so fast that you've got kind of this hip protrusion because your body's kind of not recalibrated yet to the new you with all this weight loss. And I wasn't able to run for a couple months, but during those 2 months I was able to cross-train because I still wanted to lose some more weight and just get leaner. And so I just started swimming and biking. And my wife was a swimmer in high school and college, and she gave me little tips on how to breathe to the side and stroke properly. And I really started loving swimming, and that's when I really, you know, got into doing laps of the pool. And I kind of had always cycled on and off. Like when I was in high school, I had a mountain bike and I used to ride I went back to school and used to do a lot of mountain biking, but you know, now I got a road bike. Yeah. It was funny, funny. When I showed up at that triathlon, I was in basketball shorts with a mountain bike and a cracked helmet. And there's all these other guys out there with these like slick suits and these aero helmets and carbon fiber bikes and, uh, you know, everything. And I didn't even have goggles for the swim. So I was like, you know, if I get all the gear and really train, I could do better. And I started doing more and more and got better and better and faster and faster. Eventually started getting some top 3 places. Races and some of the smaller ones, you know, I wasn't like a super professional elite, but you know, in some of the smaller ones I could place in the top 10. It felt good.

So funny. It reminds me of this story, like a bunch of years ago, I used to go out to Boulder, Colorado. I have a bunch of friends there. And I remember seeing like 20-year-old Subarus with like road bikes on top. And then I'm like, all right, well, this is like a, like what's going on? Like in Boulder is obviously a huge cycling community. And they have like, um, I can't remember which, like Team Garmin was like from there and whatever.

Right.

And they have so much science research coming out of Boulder for cycling and running. And I got the bug. I got the bike bug after that.

Right.

But it was so funny. I remember seeing like old Subarus, 20-year-old Subarus that were maybe like $1,500, $2,000 if they traded them in with like $15,000 road bikes on the roof. And I'm like, so this is right. And now I'm in Miami and I'm like, oh, well everybody has really expensive cars, but they're not like taking care of them.

It's right.

And they have like these like $150 Huffy bikes from like Walmart, right? And I mean, people are into cycling here, really into cycling here. Cause you know, it's, you know, you see those things also, right? The, you know, the carbon fiber tri bikes and whatever. And then what's the new thing I'm going to add on, but it's an expensive hobby cycling over swimming and running. Those are very entry-level, right? You can get a good pair of sneakers and, uh, you know, you're good and learn how to hydrate and do nutrition. But cycling is a whole, I mean, that's a, that's a rabbit hole of money.

Full disclosure on a teacher's salary, I bought a Cervélo P3 tri bike in 2010, and it's still the bike I use today. Same bike 11 years. I got some triathlete friends that'll buy a new bike every other year.

Right.

And I'm just like, well, they make a lot more money than me. They can afford that. I got 3 kids too in college, and that bike still runs pretty good to me. I know, you know, an upgrade would be nice. It'd probably run a little faster, but I'm more into trail running these days anyway. I mean, I whip out my bike occasionally on some cross-training days. I still do a couple tries a year or so, but mostly I do trail running now. I'm really end of the mountain.

That's amazing. Do you have any good resources, any books, any YouTube videos, any people that, or, you know, even some equipment stuff that you would recommend to people just getting started in this? I know like HOKAs are like for running and trail running right there. Now, I mean, the regular HOKAs are pretty good for trails too, cause they're so cushioned and so protected, but I know they're now making some good trail running shoes, but is there some stuff that you like absolutely love and like you swear by that, like if you're going to be doing some running, this is what you need to get. If you're going to be doing some cycling, this is where you need. So what are some of those things that you're thinking just off the top of your head?

Off the top of my head, well, for swimming, I love my swim P3 player made by Speedo. It's great because, you know, sometimes I'll do, you know, when I'm really training for a long race, I'll do like a 2-hour session in the pool. So having, you know, the AquaBeats to listen to music while you're swimming that long is great. For biking, you know, I recommend Cervélo because I have a Cervélo, but there's, you know, Specialized, a lot of good things out there. The aero helmet can be optional. I like the gyro helmet because it's got the visor that just kind of magnetically comes on and off so you don't have to wear sunglasses. And it's just, you know, when you wear sunglasses and you ride, you know, you crane your neck up more and you can see the rim of the sunglasses and it kind of just hurts your neck and it's kind of annoying with your vision. The full visor is better. And for running, HOKAs, definitely HOKAs. Um, because I've had 2 knee surgeries in my 20s, uh, both my ACLs I had to get reconstructed due to basketball injuries. And so they took out a lot of the meniscus too. So I basically have almost no cushion left in my knees. So the HOKAs really helped, you know, provide that extra support, give me some extra cushion to make up for the lack of cushion that's now in my knees at age 46, you know.

Yeah.

And, uh, I just— 2 years ago I had stem cells injected in my left knee, which has really helped out a lot. And then sock— Drymax socks. If you're going to be doing any kind of long-distance running or anything where you sweat a lot, um, and I started using them 5 years ago. Before that, I would get blisters all the time in marathons, ultramarathons. Since I started using Drymax socks 5 years ago, I haven't gotten a blister since. They're just amazing. So highly recommend.

Yeah. So let's talk about the book, right? It's called TriPolar: The Story of a Bipolar Triathlete, which is the one Elmer wrote. Obviously, this is really cool, the idea of writing this book. And I love the title, but we didn't get into the bipolar side of things and how, and then, you know, how the book came involved out of all of this.

Yeah.

I'm so glad you asked that. You know, people have been telling me for years because people that know my kind of crazy story, they're like, you know, and now where I'm at today, they're like, you should write a book. Book, you know, and it wasn't until I got injured, like, maybe, I guess, a year and a half ago, and I had to really cut back on my running for a while that I actually sat down on the computer and started working on it. And, you know, it's a memoir, an inspirational mental health memoir, and it, you know, chronicles my journey from childhood trauma into, you know, multiple addictions and to finally finding recovery and getting— finally getting sober at age 33. And then, like we discussed before, you know, out of your NF sober being really overweight and then getting into triathlons. And, you know, the last several chapters talk about all the Ironman races I've done and the ultra marathons I've done. So it's kind of got 3 parts, you know, which makes it tri-polar. And even on the COVID it's got a picture like at the top of a guy with, you know, sitting down with his head, hands on his head, looking miserable with all these drugs hanging over his head. And then the middle picture is kind of, you know, starting to get sober. And the last picture is like a Zen smiley guy, like, I've got recovery now. And I The bottom is like a swim, bike, run, dude, you know. So it's just nice. There's a lot of things that come in 3, you know. In AA, they told me, you know, alcoholism is a physical allergy to alcohol coupled with an obsession of the mind, coupled with a spiritual malady. So, you know, I just learned, you know, through therapy, 12 steps, and exercise, you know, got a disease of a threefold nature. So I got to take care of the mind, body, and spirit to stay healthy, happy, and in recovery, and, uh, and stay out of trouble. I got in a lot of trouble when I was drinking and using drugs, and I— it's been nice not getting into trouble anymore. I really enjoy not getting in trouble.

It sounds like you're getting into the healthy trouble by taking care of yourself. And it's funny, we look at getting in trouble, we immediately assume it's a negative thing versus what is the good, healthy trouble? We can reclaim that word and redefine it. Like, oh yeah, I got in trouble on my running course today. You're like, well, what was your trouble you got into? I didn't run the mile as fast as I wanted to. You can reclaim the languaging of what we're talking about while you know, working on the things that we want to work on. But I do love the idea of using health and wellness as part of the therapeutic tools, in addition to talk therapy, in addition to— in the circumstances where medication management is important, right? For some people it is. I'm a huge fan of functional and integrative medicine and finding out what's going on in the biochemistry and using nutritional supplements and food and all those things as well. But I also know that like healing the trauma has got to be the most single-handed important part of this. And the modality I use typically for that is something called neuro-emotional technique, which actually started out in Carlsbad with Dr. Scott Walker, who's a chiropractor who found that emotional, emotional and physical symptoms come from traumas that our mind-body is storing. And then it's showing up when, like I said, where we re-experience that experience in some way, shape, or form. And this modality has been insane. I had panic attacks about 10 years ago. Nothing was working to get rid of it. And 2 or 3 sessions of this NET protocol, like, just, it went away. And a little bit after that, I started taking trainings in that. So I do love, you know, the idea that you were able to combine all of that together to create this really amazing proactive, healthy lifestyle. And that's, again, what I want to focus people on hearing is that in order for things to change, you have to be proactive and you have to be consistent. You have to have accountability and it has to be trackable like you're doing when you're writing it down, you're putting it right and you have a sponsor. There's the accountability of your wife. There's accountability of it. Right. But it really does. All those components, I do believe, have to come together. And then the other part, which I love, which is telling your story and not being ashamed of where you were to where you are to where you're going.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, in AA, they say we do not wish to regret the past, nor do we wish to shut the door on it, you know? So when I was first getting sober, I had so much guilt, shame, and remorse. But, you know, going through the steps in therapy, I've learned that it's okay to talk about it. And like going back to the bipolar, I was diagnosed bipolar at age 27. And, you know, this is 2 years of being in and out of rehabs and just, you know, having a hard time admitting I was an alcoholic and addict. And then when I was diagnosed with bipolar, I'm like, oh, I got to deal with this now too. I was so angry and I was in denial about that for a couple more years. And, you know, I'd take my meds and start feeling better and then think, oh, I'm cured, I don't need to take my meds anymore. And I did that several times, and every time I went off my meds, I'd relapse, start self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. So I finally learned I gotta stay on my meds, stay sober, and, uh, you know, and then the exercise came along too, um, because, you know, I'm a type 2 rapid cycler bipolar, and even with the meds and going to my meetings, sometimes I still just have this manic energy or anxiety that still kicks up. And, uh, going to exercise, blowing off some bath of steam would be like the thing that, that third piece that would, you know, make the anxiety go away or chill out my mania. So that's what I glommed on to finally, like that third and final piece that really helped me achieve serenity. And for the most part, I mean, we all have moments that we're not serene, especially when you drive on the freeways in LA. Although during the pandemic, it's been nice. Right.

It's one of the few places that I know is complete utter chaos until you get off the thing. I remember once I was visiting a friend, a childhood friend of mine, had had an office down in Santa Monica. And I remember visiting him and driving back to where I was staying in the Pico Robertson area. And that's like, I don't know, it's not a far drive, you know, distance-wise. But on a Friday afternoon traffic, it took me almost an hour. And I think it was like 8 to 10 miles max, is right, really, maybe 8 miles max. I can't even think it's that long. But it was just like, wow, like, this is like, this is worse than Miami. But I also know all the beautiful, wonderful things about being in the LA area when it's— when there's not an earthquake, but which happened to be the last time I was there, that there was, there was two earthquakes on— it was July 4th weekend. Yeah, yeah.

Two years ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That I got woken up by in my— yeah. So it was kind of scary. But that's really cool. So I want to let people get in touch with you. So I know your website is UltraTimDavis.com. And also on Instagram, it's Tripolar_Tim. And also get the name of your book is "Tripolar: The Story of a Bipolar Triathlete." So Tim, one last question before we wrap up is kind of that if you had 2 minutes to meet with someone and you knew you were never going to get to hang out with them again, what would be the wisdom that you would want them to know in that timeframe?

Well, depending on what their problems are, I would probably tell them, you know, try— remember to keep first things first. You know, if you're setting out to-do lists each day, try to keep it to 3 to 5 things. Don't make this list that are 20 things long because you're never going to finish your whole to-do list in one day. Keep it simple. Easy does it. You know, basically all these clichés I've learned in the 12-step program, right? Remember to breathe. Those would be the things I would tell them, you know?

Yeah, I love it. My new thing is like, okay, how do we solve your problem simply and playfully? What do you mean? I'm like, well, if you had two options, we can, we can go about it and it could be very intense. Intense and very like, you know, whatever, or we can solve it by being playful and lighthearted. Which one would you prefer? Like, oh, I'd like to— like, you can solve a problem by joking your way through it. I'm like, yeah, if you choose to, right? But you have all the choices you want. So I love the idea of what is the simplest, easiest way to solve this. It doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't have to be convoluted and we don't have to have 45 different steps. Can we solve it in 3 steps? Maybe. Yeah, let's cut through all the other BS, right? But that allows you to think differently. So I really do like that, right? Keep it simple, which I know is the, right, the KISS and all those. It's funny, I always love— there's so many phrases in the 12-step world that are so applicable. People are like, oh, it's so cliché, right? Like, but it's— but they're so profound because they're simple to remember and they work, right? And it works if you keep working it, right?

Yeah, yeah. So I know when I first came in, I kind of didn't like them, but man, they're so good. I don't know how anybody could not like them. I mean, the other thing I learned through therapy at 12 steps is that happiness is a choice, like you were just saying. You're talking about choices. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be sad. You know, are you going to let things bother you that much? And then that's the other thing. If something's really bothering you, what is it about you that's causing you to let that thing bother you? You know, in AA, we have this wonderful reading called Acceptance is the Answer, you know, and it basically says whenever you're disturbed by a person, place, or thing, you need to not think about what is it about that person, you know, that is causing you to be bothered. What is it about you that's letting that person bother you or that thing?

Yeah. And what's the teachable moment? Because then that's where you need to go back and do some work on that, right? What is it about them that's bothering me? And, and what's my belief about something like that? What's my belief about someone who acts that way? What's my belief about a scenario that is that? That's the next layer that I would then ask. And then, okay, great. Well, then how are you doing that? And how are you showing up in that way in different experiences? Because usually it's a mirror and it's a, and it's a teachable moment for someone to leverage. So I really do think that's such a powerful, powerful point. So Tim, thank you so much for spending time. And again, everybody check out his book, Tripolar: The Story of a Bipolar Athlete. And, uh, You can check out his Instagram again at @tripolar_tim and ultratimdavis.com.

All right. Thanks, Jason. Thanks for having me.

Thanks. And it was great connecting.

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