In this interview, Howard Behar emphasizes that effective leadership begins with deep self‑knowledge. He shares that for nearly five decades he has carried a personal mission sheet outlining his core values—honesty, fairness, respect, responsibility, integrity, trust, caring, love—and his "6 Ps" (purpose, passion, persistence, patience, performance, people). He stresses that without knowing who you are, any path will lead you nowhere, quoting a sign on his office wall. Behar then outlines a practical exercise for uncovering one’s own values: start with a list of roughly 300 human values, narrow it down to 50, then to 8‑10 core values, and finally write personal definitions for each, because dictionary meanings may not reflect individual interpretation. Jason Wasser, a therapist, relates his own purpose‑driven journey and asks Behar for tips to help people discover their "hat"—their authentic identity—prompting the discussion of the value‑discovery method. The conversation blends leadership philosophy with therapeutic self‑exploration, presenting concrete steps for individuals to align their personal mission with their leadership style.
Chapters
you don't know who you are and what you stand for and how you'll have a filter to make decisions with, then how can you possibly lead somebody else? And the first thing I work with people on is doing that. I got to show you this. I'm sorry, I'm going out of the camera.
All good.
But, but so for 40 years, over 40 years, almost for 50 years, I've carried this sheet of paper to live my life every day nurturing, inspiring the human spirit. Of myself and others. And then I have my core values: honesty, fairness, respect for self and others, responsibility, integrity, trust in self and others, caring and love. And then my 6 Ps, how I do everything: with purpose, passion, persistence, patience, performance, and for people. And I have carried that around and I've revised it from time to time, but it drives my life. It's how I live my life, whether at work or at home, it doesn't make any difference. And you gotta— to be a great leader, you better know who you are. To have a fulfilling You know, I have a quote on my office wall that says, "If you don't know where you're going, any path will get you there." You have heard that old quote. And so if you don't know who you are, then any path will get you there, you know.
Why did I become a therapist? Because, right, at a certain point I knew that what I was doing post-high school, college, working with other people on campus and youth groups and stuff like that, my passion and my purpose started coming out of that, helping people optimize their potential, helping them get through the stressors and the challenges that I went through. I'm merging those two worlds now because I'm finding my hat, or I have I have my hat. What are some of the tips and tricks that you've discovered and you've shared to help people figure out what their hat should be?
Well, you know, when I say hat, you know, it's, uh, it basically is who you are, is how you, it's how you live your life. And so I start with this, the idea of let's work on your core values. So I have this list of about 300 words that represent human values, you know, from greed all the way to love and caring, you know, just because we say values, doesn't mean they're all, you know, what we might think are nice values. Some are not so nice, you know, but some people live their lives like that. My job is not to tell them who they are. My job is to help them discover who they are and then live their life according to that. And, you know, so that's what we start with. And I say, get it down to 50. See if you can get this 300 down to 50, the things that matter to you most. But get it down to 50, and then let's get it down to 8 to 10. The things that are really core to you. And from there we say, we take those words and we define them. What do they mean to you? Because the dictionary definition is not good enough. And so you have to take that, you have to use the definition, you have to create your own definition. So what does honesty mean to me? Because honesty to me or to you could be completely different.
