Ep.175- Dr. Bobby Grossi's Journey of Leadership, Growth, and Change

This is the You Winning Life Podcast, your number one source for mastering a positive existence. Each episode, we'll be interviewing exceptional people, giving you empowering insights, and guiding you to extraordinary outcomes. Learn from specialists in the worlds of integrative and natural wellness, spirituality, psychology, and entrepreneurship so you too can be winning life. Now here's your host, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified neuro-emotional technique practitioner, trainer and certified entrepreneur coach, Jason Wasser.

All right, everybody, welcome back to another awesome episode of the You Winning Life podcast. And as you know, we have Dr. Bobby Grassi in today's episode, and we're gonna get into some really awesome topics, including the idea of being relentlessly committed, why leadership is lonely, what does a pivot in your business really mean? And the 3 gatekeepers that we're always keeping in our head, as well as possibly some other side tangents. But knowing that we had an awesome pregame, those are some top, top of the line things that are coming to my mind that I know and hope we're going to get back into. So first of all, welcome and thanks for hanging out with us.

Well, thank you, thank you, Jason. First of all, thank you for even having me as a guest on your podcast. I'm really, really excited to hopefully serve your— hopefully serve your listeners, right? To really— so they can crush this thing called life. It's just a game. Life is nothing but a game. And it's, it's whether you want to swing or shoot, you know, swing the bat or shoot the shot, right? So I'm excited. I'm honored and I'm excited to be here, Jason Wasser.

So awesome. And I want to give a shout out to Todd Armstrong who connected us, and Todd's just such a wonderful, wonderful person. So Todd, if you're ever listening to any of our episodes, of all the people that are in your world, uh, I wanted to thank you very much for making this introduction happen. So first of all, you know, you're a dentist and you're doing some really, really, really cool stuff, not just as a practitioner but as a coach, as with business development, with marketing, different strategies. Walk me through just, you know, for for the first few minutes, just that development of being a, you know, just a practitioner in quotations to bringing in this entrepreneurial business development side, which I think is different of biz development versus entrepreneurship mindset. I think, right, business development is kind of like, what do I need to do to grow my business? But that entrepreneurship kind of takes in all the psychology, which includes not just, you know, working yourself to the bone to grow a business, but how do you leverage, how do you grow, how do you expand, how do you empower others? So walk us through a little bit of that, you know, journey for you in your, uh, you know, medical, moving into this more of this entrepreneurship mindset?

Yeah, so a really quick version of a long story, right? Uh, actually, um, before my journey of dentistry began, um, I thought I was gonna be a musician, baseball player. Had full rides. I love music. Um, I had full rides to play baseball. My grandpa— my dad left when I was 2. He was a big drug addict, stuff like that. Raised by a single mom, really came from nothing. And I, you know, I remember when I was 8 years old riding a Big Wheel. And I know, Jason, this is— I'm gonna go back to question, but I'm just gonna give you a synopsis of who I am. Sure. I remember this voice in my head saying, you're meant for something different. And my family had this seed, and I, I, I, I, I wrote a book called Destiny's Not Hereditary for a reason. But, um, my, my family had this like tradition and culture that we were always just robbing Peter to pay Paul and doing this thing. And I was— I always kind of beat to my own drum. I was never like my brother, I was never like my sister, even though I got a twin sister. I was like this guy that life is just fun. Like, life is just nothing about fun. It's rainbows and butterflies, right? That's what it was. But, but I was always very motivated, and I was always like, even though I was a 4'11" as a junior, and I'm 5'11" now, I weigh a buck 80, I was like 4'11", like 95 pounds, I always had this leadership tendency. Like, you're just meant to lead. I meant it was a calling. Like, I felt like it was just calling. I felt like I was 6'5" when I was really 4'11". It's just how I felt. And so I went through— my grandpa dies of throat cancer, uh, February 3rd, 1994. I'm working on music, you know, I'm not even in college, and I go, oh my gosh, like, dude, you have to make a difference in, in this world through medicine. Then my wife, who's my wife still now, but my, my girlfriend at the time who's now my wife, she, she was a nurse, and she says, hey, are you sure you want to be married to my pager? Your pager? Now I'm aging myself. A pager used to go on your hip. Sure, I still know Jason, but I'm 50 years old. So she goes, are you sure you want to be married to your pager? Because you've always wanted to be a family man. And I said, you know what, then I'm just gonna pick dentistry. I knew nothing in dentistry, nothing about dentistry. Like, there was no rhyme or reason why I picked dentistry. The only reason why I picked dentistry was because I wanted to make sure that nobody I ever had to sacrifice or go through the pain that my grandpa had to go through with throat cancer. And I thought, well, maybe I can be the first line of defense and make a difference that way. So I thought my calling and purpose was that. I really thought it was become a dentist, do this thing. Then my— in dentistry comes, and dental school teaches you how to just do enough to be a practicing dentist. Like, I mean, barely, barely. You like school? I—

not all school in general, right, is bare minimum competencies to graduate and pass, possibly not even to pass a board or a law or, you know, exam. But yeah.

Bare minimum skill set. And I go, okay, well, this isn't what I signed on for. I'm a half million dollars in debt. Okay, great. I make $100— on average you make $185,000 of dentistry. Like, well, this would suck because if you look at a— if you look at the flip-flop, like, it's not good. Like, I'll never be able to pay off that debt. So I'm like, huh, how would you honor somebody? In my opinion, like, how would you truly honor somebody, serve a community, but become the best you? Well, I'd have to grow and expand my practice. So initially, my first 10 years was, how do I just grow my practice? How do I grow my practice? And then I realized I I was growing it so fast that all my processes and systems absolutely sucked. Like, I could not withstand the growth. So then I had to become— ready— from dentist to CEO. That's when I really started studying business of dentistry. And then fast forward about 2000, well, right during the pandemic, I realized, man, what if you can make an impact on dental students before they even got out? Like, what if you could coach and mentor them? Hence the title, The Dentist CEO, comes into play. How do I convert a dentist mindset to CEO mindset. Like, how do I help, help people? If I could cut— because we're here to serve, let's be real, Jason, we're all here to serve. Correct. If I can make somebody fast forward 15 years and cut 15 years so they become successful, then I really served my calling. I've, I've taken the new generation of dentists and I made them that much better. And I think so, that was my initial plan. And then that's where the entrepreneur mind kind of started coming in. I was doing dentistry and I was living in my practice, but I was never working on my practice. So then I created the processes and systems in place that could kind of function without me. I developed the leadership team around me, which— so in us as dentists, I know this is going to be shocking, we're control freaks. We all want control. We're too— we had to do it all on our own. We had to commit to it, right? We went through dental school. Even though you have people that support you, but in your mind, you got to solve everything. Like, somebody's got a problem, you got to solve it. And it's, it's a hard mindset, Jason, to get out of because we tend to look for problems and things versus what's right. Even when you're Sounds silly, like even when you're talking to your staff, I tend to say what's wrong more than what's right, and I have to do a better job. And I said, wait a minute, you got to flip this whole mindset. So my practice was stagnant for almost 15 years, did not grow, not until I changed about serving my team more than serving me and serving my patients more than serving my ego. Did, did I, did I blow through it and grew almost $2 million in the first year I did that? $2 million growth. In one year. Wow. That's unheard of. And so then I knew I was on to something. Not that this is some eureka thing. You're looking at this conversation like, no kidding, dude, you got to serve people. But it's like, so many people listen to this, we get so caught up in what we want to do that we're only worried about us, that we're not looking at the, the collateral effect, if you will, of what happens around you. And, and maybe that's the gatekeeper of ego, which we're going to touch on later, but, but that's what happens. We, we get so caught up in our world that we forget about there's other external factors that we got to be, you know, pay to and how to, you know, how to grow a team. You grow a team by making them feel something bigger than what we are. You have patients come back to you because there's a part of something bigger. People want to be a part of something big. That's why you see the movements, you see all this stuff, you see the Facebook groups. They just want to be a part of a big movement, right? Podcasts. Hey, I'm a subscriber to this podcast. They want to be a part of something big, something they love and embrace. But so then the Dentist CEO comes and the entrepreneurs started coming because I realized, hey, at some point I heard this from Grant Cardone. Never— I'll never forget who said it. You need 7 streams of income. I'm like, well, dude, I only have one, right? Like, I have one. So like, how do I create a situation for my family? And how do I finally be able to step back at 50 versus grinding, seeing 20,000 procedures a year? How do I finally not burn out? What can you do? Well, it's time to create passive income, whether it's financial planning, opening different franchises. I own a dental lab. I started, I started thinking like an entrepreneur. Like, what would you do if you could never practice dentistry? And I started creating wealth that way. And then ultimately, now I just want to share it. Now I'm just like, you know what, I don't have it all figured out. Maybe I'm only in— I'm only a freshman in college where you might be in 8th grade right now with the whole concept. But I paid a path, I paved a path that I know works from a guy in Flint, Michigan that people like, like, don't know me. I'm not in some big fancy city. I'm not sitting here where there's money coming out the window. As a matter of fact, if you go, my average crown I get is $700. And you're like, what? I got the same amount crown price per crown at 21 years ago as I do today. So that tells you how pathetic it is. My point is, is I've also grown a practice 20 to 30% every year since. So it's not about, it's not about how much money that comes in. Yes, it'd be great, but if I can do it in Flint, I can train anybody to do it anywhere else, I promise.

Absolutely. Well, that makes sense, right? Because it's, it's, if your, your ideas and your, the wisdom that you gather does apply to multiple scenarios, just how is the person going to take that and apply that to their context, right? Context is everything. So I know, right, I'm in South Florida, and when we're pricing out, you know, what do I charge for therapy compared to someone who's in Atlanta, someone's like, oh wow, you charge a lot more in my— in South Florida than you do in Atlanta. I'm like, yeah, but you're also like 8 minutes away from one of the most wealthiest affluent neighborhoods in town. Why aren't you charging, right? Because proximity is, is that. But it also just depends on like that, that, that bare wisdom of this works universally no matter where you go. Every patient wants to be treated well. Every patient wants to be treated like family. Universally. Every patient wants someone where they can be proud to say, hey, I have a doctor, whatever field it is, a practitioner, a referral resource that I really love and trust. I want my friends and family to be going to that person because I know I'm in good hands. That's a universal thing. And I, and I see so many people have that where one of the things that I'm proud of, like, even if a client is not a fit for me, I will tell them to call me back after they do their search if they can't find someone, so I can help them find someone if it's anything within an area that I know about, right? If it's something that I'm like, listen, I have no clue. I don't know anything about that. I can post it on a Facebook group for you and I'll do that, right? And then call me, you know, email me in a week or two and I can tell you what leads I got. But I try to do that even for people who are not an appropriate fit or people who think I'm too expensive. And I'll say, well, let me find you somebody, right? I think there's something to be said for that when that's a universal— that should be a universal thing versus like our office staff being like, nope, sorry, we don't take your insurance, or no, sorry, we're booked for the next 6 months. You can either wait on our waiting list or call someone else. Hang up, right? That, that just that one little thing makes such a huge difference, even if I never work with them. But they know someone cares, and that, and that's what it's about.

Like, I mean, there's a lot of patients— I always say, you know, like, at the end of the day, I'm not— I do a lot of sleep therapy, and I don't get paid a dime for sleep therapy, right? But I don't— there's nothing like, hey, you should have this sleep study, hey, we should go here. And I always laugh at people. I'm like, they're And I say this, right? See, the best thing you could do is tell them too, right? Show them, show them the value you're giving them without just them assuming they know the value, right? Hey, just so you know, I'm on your team. I'm Dr. Grassi Dental and Wellness. I'm about whole wellness mindset, you know. If I need to send you to a shrink, I'm going to send you to a shrink. If I need to sit here and talk about Jesus Christ, I'm gonna sit here and talk about Jesus Christ. Like, I don't get paid to do all this stuff, but with that said, if I serve you— I mean, literally, if we serve people to a level that's above and bigger than us, you're going to grow exponentially. Now, maybe not always, uh, financially, but emotionally. And, and you will have this fire lit in you. And that's what I always tell people, like, you don't have a fire lit is because you're not doing enough. You don't have a fire lit is because you're not sharing you enough. You know, every one of us, Jason Wasser, have a voice. Every one of us had this gift within us to be so powerful. And I see even with my family members— I'm getting chills, so maybe there's something else in the room, which is cool— but I see people not even applying the gifts that been given to them because of fear. Let's talk about the gatekeepers. You mentioned the— sure, if you don't mind.

Yeah, let's just go. Yeah, it doesn't have to be in any particular order. Sorry, that's a super important topic.

The gatekeepers: fear, judgment, and ego. And you know, we go in this— we live in the social media world where if I don't get a like, somebody doesn't like me. If I don't somebody doesn't respond, I'm going to hurry up and take my video down. Or if I say the truth, say the truth of how I really feel, I'm going to be canceled, right? So we're taught that you can only say things or do things that we feel now are socially acceptable. So we suppress all these people's individuality, and then they get depressed and they get anxious. And I'll tell people, be you, be exactly who you were called to be, tell the truth of who you are, because that is what's ultimately going to give you the freedom. In the Bible it says the true self sets you free. Right? We become almost prisoners to our own cell phone. We become prisoners to the walls that we live in, and we're too afraid to share or say, you know what, I don't really have much going on, and I'm only 13 years old, or I'm only 18 years old, there's nobody that really wants to hear from me. And it's just not true. There's, there's so many people that just, if they would just share and serve people through, through grace and love, this whole chaos we live in would be totally gone. But they're so worried about What if somebody judges me? And if I do this, what if I fail? And let's be real, we talked about the school systems. Even in dentistry, we, we judge people on pass and failure, not good job, get better. It's like pass/fail. So if you fail, you can't even move on. Well, that is the biggest lie of all life. You should fail. As a matter of fact, right, I would give you a better shot if you keep trying and you fail 10 times versus you pass it once, because it's that failure It's that pit you live in, in your gut. It's that darkness, uh, that is ultimately going to give you the answer that you're searching for to become better. Like, if you're a therapist— and we talked about this— look at all the therapy sessions you do. And I don't know how we got on this, but I'm speaking of this, Jason. Let's go. So look at all the therapy sessions you go through. They all come in this darkness. And if it isn't from this darkness, you'll never change. It's the transfer to get— people can change. Like, like, we can be a triangle. We can move the triangle to the right. We can move the triangle down. And I'm using my hands right now to show you trying We can spin a triangle. People say that's change. What you're really looking for is transformation. How do you no longer— how do you go from a triangle to a circle? That's growth. But you have to fall in the darkness or that pain point. And that's why you hear people, oh, when I lost my dad, I did this right. When my grandpa died, I went this way. When my marriage sucked, I did this. When my kids disowned me, I realized to do this because you have to fall. And I think we say failure like it's a bad thing. In all reality, failure is a great thing. It's a great learning tool. It's a lesson in life. And we need to embrace that. So that's why you got kids, people scared to talk, humans scared to talk, because what if I say the wrong thing? What if I fail? Well, then you're not— how do you say, people in dentistry, my endos never failed, or my root canals have never failed, or my crown preps never failed? I look right now, I'm like, you're not doing them, because that's the biggest lie of all lies. They all fail. But did you learn from it, right? So anyway, I think that—

I think that's such a— I think that's a salient point. And in my practice, I call that teachable moments, where one way or the other, every experience or attempt should give give you more of what you want or point you to what you want less of. That's right, it's a very distinct experience. Okay, so you tried that. What was the common denominator between all the things you're trying that haven't worked for you? And if we can figure out the common denominator, it's not the attempts that you're making, it's the belief you have behind all the attempts. If things are working for you, what's a common denominator about why all these things are working out for you? There's a belief, assumption, expectation underneath that that's supporting those things to get you there. If you have more things that are, that are moving you forward, then those are the things you want to hold on to. If you have more things that are holding you back and pushing you backwards and constantly showing up in ways that don't support or work for you or make you feel more connected and uplifted, uh, connected to other people and uplifted in, in your inside, then maybe there's some beliefs, assumptions, and expectations you gotta drop there. And if that's happening over and over again, well, why aren't you learning the teachable moment in that, right? Or what was the teachable moment in that that you did learn from? And I, and that idea of change versus transformation is a huge thing because one, the idea of like change is scary, right? Going back to what you were just saying about these internal, you know, the, the gatekeepers excuse me, but right, if you do talk about that idea of like, well, I'm not asking you to change, right? It's this transformation, which is like, just, it sounds sexier, it sounds a little bit more exciting and motivating, right? It's not like, oh well, what transforming is like, you know, the butterfly cocoon type of metaphor versus like, nope, everything about you is wrong and therefore we have to get rid of that and substitute that out with completely entirely different things of you. And then that negates all the wonderful things that people have organically. It negates all the things that you say, your inherent traits, but it also doesn't honor, hey, you have an opportunity to make these things that aren't working for you better. But I think that kind of like, you know, leads us into this idea of like, you know, we talk about a lot in the business entrepreneurship world and on Friends, pivot, right? That was a big scene in one of the famous Friends episodes about the pivoting— the— in memory of Chandler, who just passed. Um, but this idea of like pivoting in your business, pivoting in your life. So I'm curious, what does that— what does pivoting really mean for you? Because that's one of those buzzwords that's just thrown around in the entrepreneurship circle of the many, many, many— maybe that should be a book I should write— all the BS buzzwords that entrepreneurs use that don't matter. But, um, but right, but pivoting is one of those like, you know, again, like Diamond Dusm, Lululemon, you know, cash words. So what, what does pivoting mean for you both personally and professionally?

Uh, I'm going to answer that, but I gotta touch on the gatekeepers really fast so people know that the gatekeepers are not bad. The gatekeepers, as I call fear, judgment, and ego, are a safety measure for you to be safe. So it, it's supposed to enlighten something from within, saying, hey, we have a problem here, right? If you get— if you feel a scarcity mindset, or let's say it's a money thing, I'm gonna use this as an example, and you realize your, your burn rate's more than your income rate, like you're burning more money than you're incoming, your gatekeeper is going to trigger, your anxiety is going to come up, and it's just to give you awareness. Where people fail is they give the gatekeepers the power over them. Yeah, so meaning once they fear, they constrict. We've all done it, we've all do it, and they don't continue to expand versus, ready Okay, understand that there's a problem. Here comes the pivot transition. Understand that there's a problem. Okay, got it. Thank you, gatekeeper, for bringing this to my attention. Now, where am I going to pivot to, to fix this? Like, what changes do I now need to make to fix this problem, to come up with a solution? So pivoting to me is coming up with a new process, a new system, or just a new strategy, if you will, on something that might not be working as you think it should be working. So if you're not getting the patients to come in, or if you're not getting the results that you're looking for, or somebody's not meeting your expectations, which are all BS expectations because we put fake expectations on people. And best guess time, they don't even know the expectations we put on them. But I digress. They don't even know that these are expectations of them because we don't communicate it. But pivoting to me is just almost like when I pitch, right? If I'm, if I'm in the pitcher's mound, I know I'm supposed to throw to, you know, a home play. But sometimes there's a runner on first, and so I literally have to look and pivot, and I'm looking over my shoulder, I got to pivot and maybe throw to first. Sometimes you're just changing the trajectory of you throwing the pitch to get a different outcome, or you're controlling the game, if you will. You're just more controlling the game and how fast the game is being played. So that's kind of what pivoting to me means. It's just, hey, it didn't work right now. Now the cool thing is, is you could pivot one day and then repivot back the next day of what, what you wanted to do the whole time. It's just if something is grabbing your attention, right? If something is grabbing your attention, an outside noise grabbing your attention, sometimes you gotta, you know, sometimes you gotta not play that existing game. Pivot, handle this over here, pivot back and go back to what needs to be done. You're putting out fires, if you will, or you're, or you're coming up with a different strategy. That's what pivot means to me.

Yeah, yeah. And that's really the, you know, one of the things I'm seeing consistently is that people do want an outcome, and two things show up. One one, they're not crystal clear with what that looks like with the absence of the things that are bothering them. And two, they don't realize that it's a lot simpler to get there when they abandon the tactics that they've been using to try to get there in the first place, right? And that idea, I think, from me looking at it, what a pivot is, is like I said before, right? It's, it's increasing the things that are already working for you and already serving you to get what you want and de— you know, letting go of the resistance around the collection of things that aren't getting you the outcomes, but finding what the common denominators are in your beliefs, assumptions, and expectations about that, and then completely abandoning and dropping that and just returning back to the things that are working for you and applying that strategy to those other things, which everybody organically has and innately has. And so I've been leaning more and more and more into that idea of what a pivot could be when, if we just ask, so what is working working? How has that been working? What are the common denominating thread, right? What's the thread that holds that all together? Okay, so now that we know that, how do we take that stream and strategy and now from that good feeling place and now take that to solve a problem? Because rule number one that I always tell my clients is never solve a problem from a place that feels like crap because you're already in fight or flight, you're already in survival mode, you're already in an emotional flooding, your physiology is out of whack, and you're not being strategic. And therefore you can't think from your rational brain, which a lot of this does go back to, right? We talk about the three keepers. We're talking about pivoting, we're talking about setting examples and being a leadership. If we're not in a neutral/proactive state physiologically, it doesn't matter how many yay yay rah rah conferences we go to. It doesn't matter if we're at a 10X conference or hanging out with Gary Vee or Ned Mylett or a CROCK or whatever. I mean, and CROCK we both know well, right, is, is a force to be reckoned with and a powerful positive human being. We can live with CROCK for a month, but unless we do that inner work work. We're only gonna get so much. And then of course, what do we do? We go to the next conference, and then we go to the next conference, and the next one's gonna be the silver bullet, and the next training is gonna be the silver bullet, and the next coach is gonna be the silver bullet, when it's all that inside job. Which leads us to like this idea of like loneliness, right? In this, in this bubble of— maybe this is why we do these podcasts, right? You have yours and you have your, your coaching and your training, right? And, and, and I just came back from a week in California and a couple days in LA and a, you know, 5 days in San Diego for an integrative medicine conference for this neuromotor Emotional Technique Mode community that I'm, I'm part of. And it's their 35th anniversary, which is incredible that this modality has been, you know, really helping so many people around the world. And it's community and it's family, and it's as much a homecoming, which is what they call it. They didn't call it a 35th year anniversary, they called it the 35th Homecoming, which is such a beautiful title. And it's practitioners, all medical, for all licensed, so therapists and, and acupuncturists and chiropractors and physical therapists and speech-language pathologists, all doing the same thing from our way around the same modality. And that's, you know, something that when we're home and we're— you are seeing your people, there is a level of loneliness. There is a level of loneliness of trying to create something and guide and lead people. So I'm curious, like, just some tips on how to— you know, we identify it, we know, especially in dentistry, that is unfortunately, you know, that is a field that has a lot of struggles because you're not always interacting with your clients. The one— it's the one medical field where, you know, obviously minus a surgeon, where most of the time you have your minds can't talk fully back to you, which might be a good thing. But, um, but what are some of the— what are some of the, the tips that you would give to someone when they're in a space of, of, of growth, when they're— whether it's at work or at home, and they're feeling lonely, especially when they're trying to push forward and move forward in their life?

Um, I mean, I, I'm not a therapist, but I've always believed— I, I— okay, so I have a, I have a habit. I would create rituals or in a day that allow me to get all the things internally out. And so even, even sometimes, I, I think the number one thing is people bottle so much stuff in that it becomes a part of their soul. When I don't care if somebody just has to write in a journal and say, here's all my thoughts. I call it stacking. So what I do every morning is I might do a gratitude stack, a prayer stack, uh, a rage stack sometimes, whatever emotion I'm feeling. Because like you just said, you never make decisions in a negative state or whatever it is. Even in a happy state, sometimes you're just like, oh, I'm just— and you're not really thinking rationally because you get so excited and you're like, I'm gonna jump out of a plane and oh, I forgot the parachute, right? But you have to always— you got to kind of control the things. So I wake up, the first thing I do is I get movement going. So I wake up and I'll just show gratitude because I know that if I show gratitude, it's gonna at least get my mind right, even if I'm in a darkness. Like, it's so hard. Like, I— Tony Robbins said this one time, I'm nervous when I was— I'm there. I was 30. I am the voice. I lead, not follow. Believe, not doubt. Create, not destroy. I'm a force for good. I defy the odds and set new standards and I step up. That is the first thing I've said to myself every day I wake up, no matter what mood I'm in. I am the voice. I lead, not follow. Believe, not doubt. Create, not destroy. I'm a force for good. I defy the odds and set new standards and I step up. It tricks my mind to say, wait a minute, if you're the voice and you're a leader, you don't follow. Like, I have to now show up differently. Even in that day, I had to show up differently. And then I get all my thoughts out, right? And I do my stacking, and then I meditate. I know people don't— some people believe in meditation, some people don't. But for me, obviously you can tell by my energy level, I'm high run, high anxiety guy, like high go, like I just go. I have to have that calming state. As a matter of fact, before I even came out with you, I had to meditate. I'd be, okay, go down, control my emotions. And so, um, that is step one, I think. I think that's why therapy works. That's why I do podcasting. I always laugh sometimes is I'll do a podcast and I'll even say on my podcast, yeah, I don't know if this relates to you, but I have to get this off my chest because this is what I'm thinking.

Like, it's something that someone's going to connect with it at some point.

Like, people always say, well, why are you so authentic and real? Like, it's a real, like, thing because I'm living what I'm telling you. Like, I'm just telling you what I— I'm just telling you, and if it helps you, great. In all reality, it's therapy session for me, but hey, let's do this, right? Right. And so, so I think, I, I think it's, uh um, getting, getting— because let's be honest, we said leadership is lonely. There's a lot of people within your four walls that you live with at your house that are not going through what you're going through. There's a lot of people that do not get it because most of the time I've always been the leader, not only in business but at my house as a kid and as my house at home. Not like I'm King Bobby, that's not what I mean. My wife's my queen, she runs the house, but financially and from a business point of view and all the decisions decisions. It's me. The kids, I kind of like her pawn. Like, you go here, you go there. I love you, babe. I got you. You help me make decisions, but we have different roles. But I don't want to share this. Sometimes we're so scared to say the truth, whether it is a financial crisis or we're— we don't want to share it because we're trying to eliminate the stress. So then we deal with it all on ourselves.

Sure.

And so one thing I would say is deal with it with the truth. Like, if you need to talk to somebody, talk to somebody. If you need a therapist, be a therapist, get it, find a therapist. If you need to just write it on a piece of paper, do it. The worst thing you can do is stop moving. I was in a really darkness just a month ago, like really just a month ago. So many things from 6 different businesses felt like it was caving in, right? They weren't, they weren't, because I was going in the gatekeeper mode and my emotions were taking in and all my mind was flipping. I couldn't solve it, really was just— and guess what happened? Relationship sucked at home, the kids sucked at home, uh, my relationships at work were faltering, you know, my fitness level Even though I was working out, was kind of half-assed. Like, you know, my, my—

because it starts between that, that one foot between your head and your heart, right?

That's it. It started unraveling everything. I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what got you to this point? Ready? Pivot. This is not working. Stop it. You got to go back to within yourself. And when Jason Wasser— when you talk about working on yourself, I mean, it's so funny to me. People will give you more opinions about what somebody else is doing wrong wrong than they ever will about what they're doing wrong. Oh yeah. And they'll never— they'll, they'll tell somebody else how to fix their life. But if I said to them, hey, like, why are you so much— I have not missed a workout in 101 consecutive days. I know, it's awesome. No, 101 consecutive days. And it's not so that I'm jacked. It has nothing to do with being jacked. Nothing to do with it. It's about a commitment level that if I'm a health professional— ready? If I'm a health professional, my mind's got to be right and my body's got to be right. If I tell Jason, I don't want you I'm doing XYZ and they look at me and I'm not the reflection that they want to see, I'm a fraud. If they look at my mindset and I don't have a good mindset, whether I'm blowing up internally and I don't communicate that, I'm a fraud. If they, if they can— everybody can feel energy. So going back to the leadership is lonely. Yes, you got to put so much work in all by yourself, all by yourself, that nobody can do for you. They always say nobody can be your savior. That is a true comment. No Nobody can be your savior. You must save yourself. They can throw you a life preserver, they can throw you something, but at the end of the day, you can get on. I'll give you one more example of that. My daughter says, Dad, I don't, I don't know if I want to go to dental school because what if I only got in because you're a dentist? You know what I said to her? I said, I said, first of all, welcome to this world. People open doors for you. Secondly, just say thank you for opening the door. But here's the thing you got to realize: I can't take test. No, I can't, I can't do the class.

We can't do it for someone else. But that's a big problem in the world where everybody— right, this is the, the pandemic of codependency, right? Where we step in, we don't know where we end and someone else begins. And going back to social media and all these things, right? Especially, you know, you and I were talking about right now with what's going on, and then, you know, this big rise of, of conflict and, and hatred that's happening right now. People are just overstepping boundaries left and right, and no one knows where they end. And with— through that, just through a keyboard, the safety behind a keyboard, right? Especially over the last 5 years. Let's just— let's just put it into context of the last 5 to 8 years, right? The safety that we have behind a keyboard is not— you know, it's kind of like seeing someone driving in the car and they're picking their nose without a tinted, filtered window, but they think they're— it's the same thing. We all see you. Yeah, I know what you're doing. We all know that you don't realize that you're being gross or an idiot right now, except on Facebook we know your name and we know you're— I got a death threat this week on social media from someone who saw something. Like, like, you don't think I'm gonna track you down and post what you did on LinkedIn and tag you and then have it sent out to 2,000 people and your career is going to be over? Like, you don't think that that's gonna happen? You're an idiot, right? People don't think— people, you know, they— we don't know where we end and someone else begins. Like you're saying, of someone wanting someone else to take the test and being in that, like, can you fix this for me? And they don't even know that they're asking for that because it's just that setup in that context and the language and the communication and finding the right people who are willingly going to step into to that, you are in a different place now where you're like, God, that sucks. What do you think you need to do to pass, right? Or God, that sucks. What do you think you need to do to fix your business versus I'm gonna come in and fix it for you for free, right? That's— it's all really about boundaries. And, and I think that's such a really interesting 2023 moving into 2024. If we just really, you know, knew what healthy boundaries were and also said like, God, that sucks you're going through through that. Who are you talking to? Who's your therapist? Who's your business coach? Who's your mentor? How much of these things would be solved, right? Who's helping you and teaching you how to lead a weekly staff meeting for your staff? Who's teaching you how to train your office manager? Totally right. All that is is just getting that outside influence and stop doing the things we've always doing— did in that, in that regards. And I think that does lead to like, right, the loneliness of leadership is, well, we're just doing it from inside of our head.

Yep.

And that's, and that's a lot of where we, a lot of where we get stuck. So I want to wrap up just with this idea of being relentlessly committed, because you're talking about the right— you're like, I've done this many days working out, and this is what I'm doing with my business and helping other people's businesses. And, and, and being, you know, committed, you know, I, I do want to just put this out there for people who are listening. A lot of times, and this is what I'm really— you know, you mentioned Grant Cardone before, and I'm a big, big fan of the 10x philosophy. And, um, you know, the idea that we set, you know, we should set a bigger goal and, you know, we're more likely to, to achieve that bigger goal than if we set a literal goal, a smaller goal. And because the amount of, you know, the output and the steps to get there could be, you know, the same amount of effort, it's just we think about it differently. That's just the whole philosophical framework reference. What I have found is that people have made their goals— what they've decided their goals are, are really just action steps. So one of the things that I ask is when they have goals that are being set, okay, so let's say we solve that, then what? And then it's just like, I usually get a no response because whatever their goal has been has never been able— because all these things they think are holding that in place, like, well, that would be the greatest end-all be-all if I achieve Well, okay, but if you did and we made that an action step, what would be that? An action step that's part of what? And that just completely changes the whole conversation because that's— so again, right, the idea that I want to share with you and listeners today is like we have to realize that when we set goals, 99% of the time they're usually an action step to something that we've never thought about that could be even bigger. We've made the goal the mountain when the goal is really just the speed bump.

Yes sir, absolutely. Just with that, I mean, when you say relentlessly committed, to me it's like, I don't even like the word goals. I know Grant Cardone uses goals, and I'll tell you why. I like targets. Um, a target is a laser focus. A goal is a big broad picture, right? So even in dentistry, when I set goals, everyone said, how did you grow $2 million in one year? Honestly, there was no plan. I went to my team, I broke down the math, and I said, I want to be a $4 million practice in at Michigan. Like, doctor, we're only 2. I get it. I want to be $4 million. And so I broke it down by the hour. I broke it down what we'd have to produce in the hour, what we had to produce a week, what would average. And then I'd ask my team this question: do you think that's attainable? Yeah. All right, I already got buy-in this. So that's, that's part of it, right? So I already got buy-in. But relentlessly committed to me, the why, the working out and setting goals and setting targets. Goals and targets are really to keep you on track when you're off. Like, so if you get lost, just go open up your goal book. That's why Grant Cardone reads them twice a day, writes down twice a day. That's just a discipline. He just, he just has a discipline of doing it. It's not really—

it's also activating your neurology to be focused on those things to the exclusion of everything else.

Correct. So like, to me, when I say relentlessly committed, I'm relentlessly committed to having it all. Like, having it all. I'm talking about the best body I can possibly have because God gave me a weapon. People are worried about vaccines, they're worried about this pill, this pill, this pill, this pill. Like, all that stuff is great. If you need to take the pill, God bless you. I'm right here to not tell— I'm not telling you to talk about a vaccine anything like that. I have my beliefs, you have your beliefs. That's not what this is about. I also know that we have the best immune system in the world if you take care of it, right? So good shit in, good shit out, right?

Keep it simple, right?

That simple, right? So if I work out every day, it trains my mind that you have to be committed towards your end goal. It's something that I can see. Nobody can do it for me. Nobody can work out for me. So that's why I start with working out, is because when I start seeing this change my body, which is really slow, which is really tough for people to realize— they want it now. Like, it's a slow transformation. Oh yeah, slow. And it might take you 6 months, 8 months, 9 months, 12 months, whatever it is, to do what you want, right? And sometimes just screw up and eat the bonbons. And I only actually own 2 Crumble Cookies. And you guys might laugh, like, this is a dentist that owns a cookie place. I know. Now, I don't eat the cookies, I sell the cookies. That's the entrepreneur spirit to me. But with that said, with that said, you know, if I eat that, okay, well, I'm gonna step back. So it starts with, starts with working out with me. Then it's my relationship with Christ and God, in meditation, in my mindset, and how I get my mind right. Because if I'm not right physically, then I have too much energy I haven't burned. I'm going to take it out of my family, I'm going to take it out of my patients, I'm going to take it out of something. I need to burn energy, which is crazy. Most people want energy. I gotta burn some. I gotta overload with energy. So that's where the working out clears up my mind, opens up my space. And people will figure out that when you're— whether it's biking, running, walking, breathing, just move, just move, open up your mind. So You know, uh, relentlessly committed is, can you take a half a step today versus no step? Like, literally, can you just move today? Like, that's the first part, right? Depression, anxiety. You know why they have depression and anxiety? They just don't move. It's physiologically impossible, physiologically in your body impossible to feel depressed if you're working out because it releases a totally different hormone. It's physiologically impossible. You can still be down, but you won't be as depressed as if you're— you know what I mean?

I also found the same thing is true when you're listening to Bob Marley.

I don't listen to Bob Marley.

So if someone doesn't have the physical energy, just put on Bob Marley and I promise you, right, I will, I will write a prescription for him.

Don't worry about a thing, right?

Right. I, I can't legally write prescriptions, but if you need a therapist note and you're like, hey, I need to listen to that, does that work?

I can, I can. You just come to me.

There you go.

There you So then you go to balance. So mind-body being balanced. Balance is family. I don't care who you are as an entrepreneur. I do not care how much money you have. I promise you this: there is no way your business is at the highest level it can be if your family life's a shit show. There's no way. There is no way you can be laser-focused in business if you have to pick up the phone because something's wrong with your kid, or, or you're not stepping up for your kids, or your wife's all upset and you're not consistent with your marriage and you don't show up every day with the energy that you show up here, that's one of the biggest mistakes that every entrepreneur makes. And especially men, especially men, they think because I make the money I should be this. Oh, that's bullshit. You need to show up at home the same way you show up for your patients. You need to show them the value of your kids. So balance is huge for me, huge for me. And then I know when I get all those three in alignment, my business is easy. That's That's easy. Now whatever obstacle I face in business, I've already had the discipline over here. So that's what I mean about relentlessly committed. You got to be relentlessly committed to every one of those aspects in your life. And if you do that, you'll crush it.

I love it. So for everybody who's been listening, right, I want you to go check out the Dentist CEO. There's a few different sections on the website, which is really, really awesome. You have the Growing with, with Grassi, of the Grassi Mentoring, Grassi Institute, Doubling Your Revenue, right? I Is this not just for dentists? Can other fields also take away a lot of the— you know, obviously you're talking a lot of good stuff that is universally helpful, but is the practice— the focus of the mentoring and the coaching and the business development, is that specifically for dentists, or is it for anybody in the wellness and health fields as well?

It's really anybody. I look at— if you're an entrepreneur and you're really struggling, you're looking to grow, obviously I— it's like you with a therapist, right? You— it's easier to help out a therapist because you're a therapist. It's easy for me to help out a a dentist because I'm a dentist. I know the mindset of a dentist. I am the niche, right? But with that said, it doesn't matter who you are. I'm here to serve. So it's open to anybody. If somebody says, hey, I need coaching, well, let's go, let's do this. Now, ideally, I work better with entrepreneurs, an entrepreneurial mindset. Not necessarily you have your own business. There's a mindset that an entrepreneur has, which means they want to grow. I cannot work with people that refuse to grow. If you won't put the work in, like, dude, I'll be honest, he has no different than the patients in my practice. I got no time for you. If you want to move, if you want to grind, let's go. So that's, that's what it is, you know.

Love it, love it, love it. All right, so everybody check out that website, and then obviously they can follow you on Instagram, which all the links are there on your website as well. And, uh, really, again, want to thank you. And obviously everybody else who's been listening to this and they've benefited from anything in the show, please share it out. We don't charge anything, we don't do any marketing or advertising. There are some links that you can lead to some of the books of, you know, uh, uh, the books of people who are authors of our show, such as yourself. Um, right. And you can check out some of the things that we've talked about and other things that are in the Linktree that's connected back to this podcast. And, uh, like always, again, thank you, and we look forward to seeing you in our next episode.

Thanks for listening to the You Winning Life podcast. If you are ready to minimize your personal and professional struggles and maximize your potential, we would love it if you subscribed so you don't miss an episode. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at Jason Wasser LMFT 🎗️.