Ep. 26- Shawn Harper: Developing The Winning Edge from the NFL To The Boardroom

This is the You Winning Life podcast, your number one source for mastering a positive existence. Each episode, we'll be interviewing exceptional people, giving you empowering insights and guiding you to extraordinary outcomes. Learn from specialists in the worlds of integrative and natural wellness, spirituality, psychology, and entrepreneurship so you too can be winning life. Now here's your host, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified neuro-emotional technique practitioner, winner and certified entrepreneur coach, Jason Wasser.

Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Winning Life podcast. Today's guest is former offensive lineman who served for 7 seasons in the NFL. He's presently the owner of American Services and Protection, a multi-million-dollar security services firm headquartered in Columbus, Ohio. He's a motivational speaker and author of The Winning Edge: 8 Principles That Will Bring Out the Winner in You. His journey from grit and sweat of the NFL locker room to the corporate culture of the boardroom inspires others to maximize their resources, harness their potential, and manifest their vision. Man, am I really excited to be hanging out with you, Sean Harper. Welcome to the show.

Thank you. Thank you for having me. This is awesome.

It's my absolute pleasure. For those listeners out there who aren't familiar with you and all the cool stuff that you're doing, let's go back to the beginning, to the origins story, which is so popular, right? Yeah. Right now. So, let's start with your childhood. Where did you grow up and what was that like for you?

You know, I'm blessed to have been raised in a great city, Columbus, Ohio. I have 5 brothers and sisters, awesome, awesome family. Met adversity early on. My father was quite abusive physically and emotionally, verbally. After one episode, he left and he never came back. And, you know, it's funny because years I always blamed myself for that event and kind of struggled from there educationally, had to repeat the first grade, documented with 4 to 5 learning disabilities. Mom is trying to, you know, hold the house together, scrubbing floors, working as a maid in affluent neighborhoods. She did the best that she could. You know, and I always have tons of respect for Mom being the glue that held 5 kids together in an impoverished area on the South Side of Columbus, Ohio. She was at every meeting, or at least at as many teachers' meetings as possible. She was a true blessing. Yeah, so struggling in school, documented with 4 to 5 learning disabilities, kicked out of a couple schools because of disciplinary issues. You know, I often say that I wasn't a bad boy. Worse though, I was a mad boy. I was very angry. I left high school with a 1.62 cumulative GPA, not on my ACT, I had to never take the ACT. Out of 154 seniors to graduate, my academic ranking was 154. Subpar athlete. I wasn't even ranked honorable mention all-conference. I was the bottom of the barrel. In fact, I was voted most likely to fail at one point. Most likely to achieve and most likely to fail, you know, it was Aaron Sean Harper. And I get a phone call from a junior college in Mason City, Iowa, and they wanted me to come there to play football. And I was trying to figure out why, because there was nothing in me. But somehow your dream can push through the adversity. And it is, you know, it is a true blessing when someone can see the king in the kid, you know, and to see the potential. And my high school coach reached out to this junior college coach. And made the call. I went off to Mason City, Iowa, and the first year of that junior college, I sat the bench the entire season. And I almost gave up. In fact, I called my mom and said, "Mom, I quit, you know, I want to come home." And thank God mom didn't let me. And then it was in that summer, or at that summer, that a huge transformation took place. And I began to apply myself I began to make a shift, and the shift was, is that I stopped focusing on what people were saying about me, and I began to focus on the dream that was in me, you know? And I began to lock in on that, and I moved out of creation, and I moved in what's called manifestation. And from that, I was able to go to Indiana University, draft day in the NFL, third pick in the fourth round, stuttered my entire life, and I'm a motivational speaker, life coach, and investor in people's goals, teams, and dreams. The rest is history.

Man, what more of an apropos guest to have where so much of that story I connect to, which is my own background of being an awful student, not being the bad kid, but not caring, not having the focus, not having the motivation, probably undiagnosed with ADD, anxiety, going through conflict with my parents' divorce, barely graduating with a 1.8 GPA in high school, and not knowing what my opportunities were, not knowing what I was going to be doing for college. Got rejected from University of Central Florida in the '90s when that was the easy school to get into. Unlike what it is now. And this belief of A, not knowing in my strengths and capabilities, but B, not knowing what future is out there for me really held me back on my path for a while. Then I ended up going to Israel to study over there for 2 years and go down that rabbit hole of Jewish spirituality. But it wasn't until I realized that I had certain mentors in my life like you did, like your coach and someone who was willing to see The King and the Child, that really helped me get to where I wanted to get to. This perspective that you had of yourself as a child, you said that you were really angry. What did you see when you looked yourself in the mirror? Who and what was talking back to you at that time in childhood?

I saw the struggles in class. I saw the fact that I was different. And that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it's huge because society at one point hates individualism. They love conformity. But at the same time, they praise people who are outliers. And so at one point in your life, they're trying to bring you into, you know, to become civilized. And to me, that's a bad word. You know, you're civilized, which means that you're under the authority of civilization. You can accept it. But then if you're able to push past that and push past being normal and to embrace the fact that you're never meant to blend, then they will praise you for being different. It's 'Best basketball player in the NBA.' Or you will love a, you know, Michael Jordan. Why? Because he's the best athlete. Or you'll love Mr. Bill Gates. Why? Because he's one of the richest men in the world. He's an outlier. So they criticize you on one end, and then they admire you on the other. And so I think the trick of it is, is that self-actualization and self-realization and self-acceptance is that I'm not creative. The system, I'm created to change the system. And once you are able to embrace that and to pull from that, then you become, for all intents and purposes, indestructible, unstoppable.

So for the average kid, the average young adult who struggles with that belief, what would be that first step to allow them to pivot towards starting to own that, starting to buy it?

I think I think the first thing— well, there's a couple things. Number one is that you have to realize that you're here for a season and you're here for a reason. You're not an experiment. You have a divine purpose, call, and plan. Number two, you have to realize that the mere fact that you're even listening to me or that you are alive, it means that you're a winner. So this is my theory, right? This is my theory. I believe that in the DNA of every single human being is the fabric of winning. It's what we do, it's what we are, which is why we love winning football teams. If your favorite football team lost every game for the next 5 years, trust me, you would not be at that game. But when— if they're winning every single game, what's the difference? You're attracted to winning. When we play video games, the gaming industry is built off of that gene, the winning gene. Gambling is a multi-billion dollar industry, why? Because you love winning. When we were kids, we played winning games. In fact, this is gonna be kinda controversial, but you know, there's a lot of talk about racism and race. By the way, in my opinion, there's only one race, that's the human race, right? But we talk about racism, but you know when you never hear about that? It's on Saturday afternoon at a football game. Why? Because, yeah, I don't care if you're white, green, black, red, purple, win. If you can throw that ball, if you can catch that ball, if you can run that ball, man, hey, win. You're excited. We'll worry about everything else later on. It's deeper than that. In fact, your win is deeper than your why. And because your why is your motive and your win is who you are, your state of being. Being. You're one of 2 or 3 million sperm cells that fertilized the egg, right? So you're a born winner. But somewhere along the line, they teach another word. It's called success. That's where people get thrown off at, because now we're seeking to be successful. We're seeking to be what we already are. They stripped us of that core identity and hold it out like a carrot and say, come get it. That's where people miss it.

So everything you're saying reminds me of what I once heard from Gary Vaynerchuk, where he was talking about the chances of us being born as a human being is 6 billion to 1 odds.

Wow.

And right, you could have been born a rhinoceros's rear end, the cell, right? But it's a 6 billion to 1 chance that we were born as a human being. So just owning that exactly what you're saying, can give us a place to start from of gratitude and hope that like, okay, so if I wasn't born a rhinoceros's butt, then what am I here for?

Right.

Right? And I also love the idea of what you were saying where I've heard this from so many people in the entrepreneurial world, exactly, right? It doesn't matter your background, it doesn't matter your culture, it doesn't matter your race, doesn't matter your whatever, the market will decide if you have a winning product or not.

Yes. Yes. Yes, that's true.

So this idea of believing in ourselves that we could be, we are that product, we are the winning product ties back into part of your story is that when did you really own that you yourself were a winning product, that you knew that there was something bigger and greater beyond Indiana when the NFL became a possibility for you?

So, you know, I remember I was at Indiana University and a guy, he just had to be a prophet, right? He was my fraternity brother. He just looked at me and he said, "You know what? You're going to the NFL." I'm like, "Get outta here." He said, "Bro, you're going to the NFL." And he just walked away. And then later on that year, When the season started, I had one great game, another great game, and it was just like, I started getting calls and people started paying attention and started showing up on scouting boards. And they were like— and one day I walked into the trainer's office at Indiana and I saw some scouts there. I said, "Hi, I'm Sean Harper." They're like, "Yeah, we know who you are. We're watching you." I'm like, "There it is." And then the rest is history.

Yeah. Incredible. What was that moment of recognition, the recognization, right? The rec— excuse me. What was that moment of recognition for you when they said that? When they're like, we see you, we acknowledge you, we find that you are— what was that like for you?

You know what? You know, every seed, you know, every seed needs validation. Every seed needs confirmation. And when that was spoken, we see you, the seed was confirmed. Now I have legal right in the atmosphere, in the spirit, to change my focus, that that is what you see, and that since you've acknowledged it, now I can legally acknowledge it. It's weird, but it works like that.

Yeah, completely. And I think that's why so many people out there are looking for these influencers or social media, because there's a part of them, of those people that they're looking up to, that they're trying to own for themselves. And I think that's why people gravitate to certain people out there, right? You know, whether it's a Tony Robbins or an Ellen or an Oprah or whoever it may be, but there's a part of them in themself that they wanna master that they see at that trait in that other person. And if they get enough of that marination of them, they're gonna finally believe that they're capable of doing that themself.

Yeah, you know what, that is— man, wow, that's true. Yeah, yeah, I think that that was very profound. Also, also, there is a lack in our culture today, there is a lack of affirmation. If you really look at our culture, this just hit me, I mean, you know, there's so much that's going on, but to have people look at you and say, "You can do it. I believe in you." Where— remember the days of old? I don't know, you know, you had your parents, you had your aunts, uncles, you had your grandparents, you had your older neighbors. You know, our society is so— I don't know if we use the word disenfranchised, but it's so individualized. That connection, that we have substituted connection for intimacy, and it's not the same, you know. And to have that bond with someone, say, you know what, I'm here to support you, I'm here to love you, I'm here to care for you, that's gone. That's gone. And this is why depression is on the rise. This is why suicide is on the rise. This is— there's a breakdown in community. And one of the things that is transferred in community is encouragement, correction, belief, support, love.

Yeah. And it's that quote, right? A rising tide raises all ships.

Yeah.

And when you build a community and everybody's buying into each other and everybody's uplifting each other because there's mutual mission statement, there's mutual values, mutual respect, then everybody's truly truly going to benefit from that. And I remember back in high school when I was struggling with academics, and although I was super involved in a youth group through a network of synagogues, and I was a board member in leadership position, one of the advisors from a different synagogue came to me and was like, just go to Israel. Just go do your thing. Go study you. Go deeper on you. Go deeper on your spirituality. Don't don't worry about college. And the crazy thing is, is when I was away the first year, my freshman year, he actually was killed in a car accident. And I found out a month later after that. And the amount of, one, gratitude for him believing in me and saying, "Be you." And two, the amount of intentionality I had to commit to learning more about me was inspired by David, David Lindenbaum. To have someone literally pull me aside, Adam, I remember the exact moment because it was the same weekend that Isaac Rabin was assassinated. So we're talking about 1990, beginning of 1995, '96, that school year. And to have him say that and pull me aside, kind of like that scout said to you, really was an affirming validation of, "There's better out there." And what do I have to own? What do I have to work on for myself? To become my potential.

Yeah. You know what? It's— now that you mention that, I remember being in the 5th grade, and my 5th grade teacher made me go and read a stupid poem, right? This stupid poem over the intercom, like at the principal's office, and every one kid from each class had to go read a poem. And I wrote something like, "Star, you go far in a car," like 2 or 3 sentences, you know, and I read this poem, and when I walked back and the teacher was like, I'm so— that spark, and I'm saying that not to be self-centered or myopic, I'm saying that it's because people of authority and influence, you have no idea what a word, what a just a just one sentence can do to a young person or anybody. You can change the trajectory of their life off of a single phrase or word. Be mindful of that and be open to allow God's love to shine through you to impact others.

And if we tap into the just that teaching on a spiritual level, we know that if we go biblical, that the world was created with the utterances, right? With God's word, right? Wishing that to be, willing that to be. And whether we wanna take it from a religious perspective, a spiritual perspective, or even go to the world of like the law of attraction, right? And people get confused with, if you talk about it, you'll manifest it. But really it's, what is it that you feel about that will manifest that experience? So if your self-belief about yourself is, I'm not worthwhile, I'm a piece of crap, I have nothing to bring to the table, then you're gonna say and speak and do those things. But if you have a feeling that's different, that shift, then you can start speaking differently, then you can start doing differently, and then other people around you are gonna start, whoa, that's different. They're noticing that and give that back to you.

You know what's so amazing is that I'm in the process of putting together a speaking boot camp of of learning how to speak of authenticity, just to be authentic in your speaking, because that's what's gonna sell. That is what people want. People want people to be authentic. There's a lot of conferences and a lot of conversations are leaving the big ballrooms of 500 and 2,000 people and they're going down to webinars and they have to be able to authenticity. And one of the ways to project that is to be in agreeance or agreement with yourself and in alignment— spirit, soul, and body. So when you mentioned emotion, that's part of your body. So when you speak and when you make a decree, and then there is agreement with your words, with your emotion, and with your intention, with your thought, that is when you get into the manifestational mode right there.

And the key part of that word is motion.

Yes.

That it's going to allow you to move forward. And then just jumping back from a few moments ago when you talked about the word intimacy, if you break that up into 4 syllables, the word is really in-to-me-see. See me for who I am, see me for what I'm worth, see me for my value so I can stand up and rise up and tap into all of that. So, right, the intimacy, see me, will lead people into seeing themselves, which will lead them into feeling good about it, which will lead them into, right, the emotion, which will lead them into motion.

Yes.

Where does your belief about no excuses fall into this?

I believe that excuses are an escape. I believe that when you start generating and throwing out excuses, you are allowing yourself to escape the situation, the purpose, and the process. And sometimes the pain and the resistance that's in your life is there. It's not something that you have to go through, isn't that you have to have. Resistance is a part of the process. You know, even, you know, going back to the Bible, you know, I believe that God knew the serpent was there, right? It's resistance. So anything that you inspire to do, packaged with the opportunity comes the resistance, because the resistance is what you feed upon to grow up and through the opportunity. You have to have it. It's like, it's like, it's like a bird that's inside of an egg, you know. A lot of times the mother won't, won't open that egg. The bird has to fight out that egg because if, if mama opens that egg, then his wings or her wings is too weak. And it won't be able to walk, it won't be able to float, and it's dependent on porn mama.

Yeah, and that's a really, really deep and profound idea because one of the things I share with my clients is that anxiety and things that provoke you in a certain way are the GPS to your soul and to your true potential. That if you try to numb it, if you try to run away from it, if you try to bury it deep down inside of you, you're never going to figure out what the message is that that's coming to teach you. And you don't have to— that's right, it doesn't necessarily have to be— we can take it from a psycho-spiritual perspective or a God perspective, or you can just take it as psychological, right? Whatever works for the person that's listening. But I 100% believe as a person who focuses on stress and anxiety and using that to maximize potential is that the more we run away from it, the the more we drug it, the more we pacify it, as opposed to sitting down and having conversations with it and saying, what are you here to teach me?

Right.

Then we're going to miss the entire message.

Yeah, listen to the pain. It's talking. What is it really saying? You know, yeah.

So one of the big, experiences that you've gone through was from the time you started playing sports was the aspect of teammates and teamwork.

Yes.

Walk us through the importance of not having to do life alone, whether it's academics, whether it's relationships, whether it's business. What's your approach and perspective on all of that?

So it's funny you say that because I'm actually writing a book on that. The book is practically finished, and I'm talking about— it's funny you mentioned that— is that why most people don't complete their goals is because they lack community. And in that, nestled in that community, there's a team, and in that team is how you're— how you're able to pull from other people's thoughts, emotions, energy, encouragement, and to be able to move forward in life. We were created and we are created as communal beings. We need that. We have to have that. So when you look in history and you look at great people who— accomplished great things, they all had a team. Think about that. I mean, we, you know, like example, Bill Gates, you know, like, man, we love Bill Gates. Bill Gates, one of the richest men in the world. Well, who's Paul Allen? You know, very few people know that Paul Allen even existed. It's Bill Gates's partner. Warren Buffett, oh, Warren Buffett, one of the richest men. Well, who's Charlie? Well, Charlie has been his partner for at least 30 years. No one talks about Charlie. Oh, music, we love Mick Jagger. Oh, Mick Jagger. Oh, Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger, Rolling Stones, yeah. Who's Keith Richards? You know, no one talks about that guy in the lead, just sitting there, not saying much, just killing it, right? And so every— Martin Luther King, who was Jesse Jackson? Who was Ralph Abernathy? It just— you have to have a team. I mean, even— Even when we watch— even when we watch cartoons, right, it's like, you know, Superman, you know, he had a team. And thank goodness he had a team, because had he not had a team, as great as he was, all you would have to do is put kryptonite in his way, and then it's— and then he's done. By the way, with that, I would like to say that, you know, we talk about disabilities, and look, I'm not disabled, I'm uniquely enabled to do amazing things. I have strengths and weaknesses. And speaking of Superman, Superman doesn't focus on the fact that there's kryptonite, like, oh my God, there's kryptonite. That means, you know, I'm a victim because it's kryptonite. He's like, Batman, take care of that so I can go in and fly over here and take out an entire continent. Right.

One of the things I love talking about exactly on that similar idea is I always ask my clients, do you remember in like the '90s, I think it was the '80s or the early '90s when the Olympics allowed all the professional NBA players to be part of the Olympics, right? And what was that group of guys called?

Dream Team.

Exactly.

Was it? Yeah.

Yep. So my challenge to my clients is who do you need in your life to complete your own dream team? So your health isn't great. Who's the best person that you can find, whether it's in person or thank God there's tons of stuff for free on the internet, that is getting that handled that you can model based on that? If you're a couple and you're struggling with relationships and you're coming in and you've never read a book, you've never watched a YouTube video, you haven't done really any hours before coming to me and you've been married for 15 years, then okay, you got to get that handled.

But who do you—

right?

Who are the influences in the positive way you can get out there, especially with technology now that we don't— Someone who says, "I don't have the ability to do it." I'm like, "Do you have the internet?" Right? Who, and then find out who's the best, right? Google, who is the expert on nutrition? Who's the expert on working out? Who is the top person on mind conditioning? Who's, anything that you wanna focus on, who's the top relationship guru, right? How do I be more vulnerable? Well, look up Brené Brown, right? Brené Brown's gonna pop up. So I think that what you're interestingly saying is that if we create our dream team, than the idea that a community is really the positive side of peer pressure.

Yes. Yes. 100%. But then also, with that, if I could flip that, because I believe that it doesn't stay with you or come to you if it can't get through you, is now you are making yourself available to be on someone else's team. As well. Say, you know what, here I am, this is what I bring to the table, whose team do I need to be on? Who needs my help? Hey, who needs my help? And not be so selfish and self-centered when the opportunity comes, because you're like, you know what, I don't have time for you because, um, I'm trying to build my team and you're going to be a pull on me. One of the things I've learned is so, so, so amazing, so amazing, is that whatever I needed, whatever I need, I give. Whenever I need a blessing, I get a problem. It's amazing. Whenever I need money, someone needs money. This time, like, here, I'ma bless you, and then all of a sudden I'm blessed. So I've learned to give what I need. When I need encouragement, I give encouragement. I'm operating in laws. See, I break rules all day, but I try never to break laws because you break laws, laws break you. I know it's a whole different subject, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, doesn't that round out everything that we just talked about, which really completes that arc of life, which is whatever doubt we might have, whatever lack of self-awareness, lack of our identity, lack of our value, lack of our purpose, that we struggle with early on. Once we identify that, it's then living in that. And then the next step, which you just described, which I think completes the arc, is now being so in ownership, so in concordance, so in alignment with who you are, that you're now able to see the value of being able to serve others.

Yes, yes. And be cognizant of community, to know that you are a part of an organism, to know that you are a part of, you know, although society teaches, you know, iPhone, iPad, MySpace, Facebook, but really you are a part of a community. That brings encouragement, that brings responsibility. Yeah.

Awesome. So then to tie everything together, I know you're doing a lot of speaking engagements. What's that transition been like for you? What are the type of communities you're speaking for? And what's been just a quick favorite story of one of those experiences?

You know, wow. It's really hard to pull from stories, from experiences, because I'm always looking forward, you know, which is not always a good thing, but I'm always looking, okay, let's move to the next moment. But one pops in mind, which is just, you know, because I'm blessed to do school assemblies, I'm blessed to speak in churches, I do corporate, and I could speak to C-level suites. I just did one last week. It's huge. But I was asked to do a school assembly, right? And it was just, it's amazing. And I'm in, where am I? South Carolina. I think it's Greenville, I believe. Years ago, years ago, I'm doing the school assembly, right? I'm doing the school assembly. And so about 4 years ago, I'm at— I'm in Nashville, great city. So I'm in Nashville, I'm at the Embassy Suites. So this guy is looking at me. Now, I did the school assembly like 8 years ago, and this is 4 years later, 4 years ago, and I'm in the elevator, this guy's looking at me, keeps looking at me, like why he keeps looking at me? Like, man, I ain't looking at him. Elevator door opens, I walk out, these kids like, are you Shaun Harper? Yeah. He reaches in his back pocket, pulls out his wallet, and he pulls out a football card that I signed during a school program. He says, I still carry this with me every day. Thank you. And that— that so blessed me, and it was so humbling. The power, as you said, bringing it all back together the power and the energy of words and how I believe God used me and used my words to not only affect but to infect this individual for the rest of his life. So much so that next to his girlfriend's picture, his mama's picture, his family's picture, it's my picture. I'm like, good people leave a legacy, great people or people who are blessed leave pieces of themselves. And I'm just blessed to have left a piece of myself with that person. Yeah.

I love it. What an incredible way for people out there who are listening to see what's out there for them. And it doesn't have to be speaking in front of thousands of people, but it can just be that one connection with that one person at that one time that you never know will turn into something that's really profound, life-saving, life-changing, and all that. And I know that if people want more of this, that they can find your book, The Winning Edge: 8 Principles That Will Bring Out the Winner in You. And they can find you on your website, right? SeanHarper.com?

No, SeanHarper.org. But you know what? I haven't taken it down yet. So if you go to SeanHarper.org, shawnharper.co, you can get a free copy of my book downloaded. And you just, you know, information, and then it's sent to you. And yeah, no problem at all.

So if the people out there, you heard that website, and you are going to download it, where can they give you some value back? Where can they write a really awesome review?

Go to Amazon, because my book is listed on Amazon and you can give a great review, hopefully. Yeah, no problem.

Yeah, or reach you on Instagram. Do you have Instagram?

Yeah, I have Instagram.

Oh my goodness. And put it there and— Listen, listen, go to Instagram, Shaun Harper Speaking, okay? Guys, ladies, you gotta help me out because I don't know what's wrong with those Instagram algorithms, but they keep chopping my numbers down every day. I'm like, so help me out, just go like, like it or something, right? Good.

So if any of the listeners out there are an Instagram guru, please, please, please reach out to Sean. Give him some love, give him some help if you got any value out of this. And if there's something that you can benefit from, from either something that Sean's bringing to the table, which is a ton of incredible stuff, or if there's anything that I can do through my practice, the Family Room Wellness Associates, whether it's therapy or coaching please, please connect with us. And I really do want to thank you so much. It was such an honor to be able to spend time with you. And I'm hoping that maybe there'll be a round 2 in the future to go even deeper.

Anytime. Love your flow, love your energy. God bless you. Shalom.

Right back at you. Thank you so much.

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