Ep. 42-Coaching Call with Alex Smith Part 2: The Follow Up

This is the You Winning Life Podcast, your number one source for mastering a positive existence. Each episode, we'll be interviewing exceptional people, giving you empowering insights and guiding you to extraordinary outcomes. Learn from specialists in the worlds of integrative and natural wellness, spirituality, psychology, and entrepreneurship so you too can be winning life. Now here's your host, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified neuro-emotional technique practitioner, trainer and certified entrepreneur coach Jason Wasser.

So on episode 39, I had a full coaching call with a gentleman named Alex. Alex is a really incredible guy. He is so talented. He's a storyteller, he's a salesman, he has incredible experiences underneath his belt. But as we found out in our conversation, there were a few things that were holding him back from achieving the level of success that he wanted. And one of those things was that he wasn't actually having fun with what he was doing. And one of the many reasons why he reached out to me to be a guest on this podcast was because he was creating a, a podcast for himself and was getting stuck in a few specific areas. And if you go back to that episode again, episode 39, you can hear the entire conversation about where he was, what he was getting stuck with, how he was getting himself in his own way. And now in this, uh, episode, we went and revisited. We've, we, we've talked here and there. He's had some, uh, things come up in his life since then, which you'll hear in this episode. But you'll also hear some of the things that he has worked on, some of the things he has embraced and learned about himself, and some of the, the tinkering and the moving forward that he's doing, uh, on himself as it applies both both personally, professionally, and for his podcast. So would love to hear your feedback. Drop us a note on Instagram. You know how to reach us, Jason Wasser LMFT, or you can follow us on Facebook also, Jason Wasser LMFT on Facebook. I would love to hear your feedback. We'd love to hear your thoughts. And if you yourself are interested in being a guest on the podcast in exchange for being coached, let me know and reach out to us. And we'd love to hear what you think about today's episode.

I listened to it for the first time just over the weekend. I might have to go back and listen to it. I saw so many things that you were probably hearing in the conversation. You never kind of know how you sound unless you like, you can never hear yourself in conversation. Most of the time it's the other person hears you differently than you hear yourself. And I'm like, oh man, this is rough in the beginning. He probably was like, geez, this guy really loves himself. He's talking about all this shit that I don't care about. And I was like, man, that's how I sound. But, you know, I mean, I, it's a weakness. Like, I'll just admit to it. Like, I, I'm in sales, but my wife kills me on it. We got into a fight yesterday. She thinks I like overtalk and I don't let people like get a word in. And I'm like, I don't do that. I, you know, and it's hard to like hear that feedback because I feel like I'm like, like you said, you're like me. I tell stories. I want everyone to know, like, all about me, and I want everyone to be just happy, and, and you care about the other person. But sometimes you just, you know, you don't— like, not speaking and holding back things is, is better. And I have to kind of check my, my mouth sometimes moves faster than my brain.

Well, wasn't it the great philosopher Dr. Cube who once said, check yourself before you wreck yourself?

Yeah, yeah, I need to put it down. I need to, you know, check yourself. Exactly.

Rigidity.

You wreck yourself.

So I think one of the things that people are very uncomfortable with in a world of instant connection, right? The DMs and the TikTok videos and the Snapchats and the Instagram 15-second soundbites is how quickly can I put something out there for it to be received and for me to get validation on, right? And I'm finding this more and more and more as I embrace social media and go further down the rabbit hole in it. The silence, the pause, the directional, thoughtful commenting, slowing things down like I'm doing right now, changes the trajectory of everything. And it's a— it's art.

No, it's so totally—

and part of you beca— being a storyteller is learning how to do that. So I wonder, down the road something like a Toastmasters would be amazing for you.

I do, I agree, yeah.

And you already have all these amazing skills and tools in your belt. And I really see it from that Collins Good to Great paradigm. You're not coming from crap to good, you're going from good to great. And I really want to share that with you, I really want to show you the value that I already see in you and how much I appreciate and enjoy it.

Wow.

Wow.

That. So if you can just change your mindset about that, right? In a way, if you doubt yourself in any way, shape, or form, I'm going from good to great, not from, oh my God, look where I'm screwing up, look what I've done, look at how many people have been maybe turned away by my style. No, no, no, no. Don't go down on yourself, right? Don't dig yourself for that. So I want to spend a few minutes, because I know we only blocked out a few minutes, before my next, before my next call.

Yeah.

What have you, what have you noticed since our conversation? What's changed for you since our conversation? And what have you accomplished since our conversation?

Um, yeah, I mean, what I know, I mean, that really hit me when you first said, like, do you like this? Or are you having fun doing this? Like, that's like my biggest takeaway. And I mean, there's a lot of other things, but I mean, that made me think, and I'm like, yeah, I like it. I like writing down titles and I like doing this whole thing and I like— No, no, no, no. Is it fun? And I'm like, some parts are and some parts aren't. Well, it either is or it isn't. So I really thought about, okay, all right, if the fun part is talking to people, let's just talk to people. Like you said, you just like, all right, you need to create an episode. I don't care if it's edited, I don't care if it's anything. And that was fun doing it. I just did it by myself. I clicked on Zoom and clicked record.

I wrote down some thoughts of other it.

And I was like, man, this is fun. This is— and it didn't take me that long because I really had it all in my head. And I could have like spent hours and days and probably perfecting it. And maybe I could still perfect it. But I mean, I'm just like, let's go with it. And that was fun. And then I'm like, okay, let's— who can I get on this thing? Like, I have friends I could get on this thing. Like, I don't need to have it totally like baked and done before I just get someone on, like you said, like just go get interviews. And then, yeah, I scheduled an interview and that led to it. And then I got Cameron Schmidt to do an interview, who's awesome, amazing, and his is great. And these are people that I don't even barely know. Like, I don't know Cameron other than like he reached out to me and said, hey, do you want— like you, like exactly like you— hey, do you want to have a call and talk? Such great people. And that just turned into now 7 interviews. I probably have my wife want me to do an 8th with somebody. I've finally got the editing done on like 5 of them. I have my podcast cover that came back to me and I'm, you know, sent some changes back. So literally like this week, I'm probably going to start posting like, you know, like teasers for it. And then, and then like either Monday or the following week, depending on my creative getting back, I'll post it and We'll just see, and it's just exciting. And so I've been doing that and still doing the job search. It's been tough. A lot of my interviews kind of dried up, so I had more time to kind of do this stuff. And then I've just been connecting with so many people. I think that's the strongest thing I can do right now is just meet people off LinkedIn, get to know my people, human to human, person to person. And then hopefully maybe that'll lead me into the next place I go. Yeah, I mean, it's been really interesting because too, I'm processing all this stuff. I mean, just so much stuff happened with our call. I mean, my dad passing. I mean, it's every day I'm living with like, okay, I gotta go, go, go. And like, okay, am I thinking about him enough? That sort of thing. But it's been good that I talk to my mom every day and my sister, and we schedule little like ceremonies over Zoom and stuff like that. We finally have his ceremony, got postponed because of COVID Now we finally have a date in June. So it's a lot going on, man, but it's all been exciting.

Yeah, right. And if I was sitting here with you as your therapist or coach, I'd be like, wow, like on one side you're kind of getting hit with all these curveballs. On the other side, I'm hearing this optimism in your voice. And I think that's what rings true when you connect with people. And one of the things that I absolutely adored about talking to you is that you're this like, really optimistic, cheerful, right?

And it may not—

your wife, my wife might not agree with me, right?

No, no, she would say that's a weakness. Like, yo, you're so rosy. You're like, everything's not all like happy. Like, just sometimes it's just shit, you know? We balance each other out.

But sometimes it is. But I think that there's something about what's gonna be one of your biggest attractions as a business professional is that you just give off this warmth. And you give off this positive energy where it's like, yeah, we might be in a shitty situation right now. My father did just pass. I am looking for a job. All these, like, these are awful things. And you're sitting here not sulking, not— you are going to probably have moments where you are.

Yeah, for sure.

Right.

But you're, but you're allowing yourself not to stay in that. And I think that's a really powerful tool. And if you can metaphorically share how you're doing that at some level with your clients, because really that's what you're going to be doing anyway. How do you get from place A to place B when things around you are, right, really crappy? Your business, your finances, whatever it may be. Use that as a touchpoint when you're interviewing people. Use that as, uh, on your podcast, right? This is unique. This is just a unique vantage point that you now carry that brings you more. It's another story. It's another metaphor. So I really love seeing, I don't love seeing you knowing that you've been through what you've just been through, and my heart breaks for you and your family at this time.

Thank you.

But I also know that the experience that you're mastering right now is going to give you the leverage and the grit to be useful to somebody else down the road. And I think that's kind of where based on this conversation where I want you to really hear that on a deep level.

Thank you. That means a lot. It's actually making me think like, I do wanna talk more about this. Like everyone's like, be authentic, be vulnerable. Like LinkedIn is, you know, no one wants to see like, you know, professionals on LinkedIn. And I will, you know, I will like probably start talking about it more and doing that 'cause I think it's good. You know, people wanna, you know, see real people's stories. It's just tough right now 'cause I'm like, you know, it's kind of still too raw, but I wanna do it in a way like you just said, like, How did this— How this vantage point has really changed me and has given me this, this, this, and this, and what it's done for me here. And I think what it can do for others and maybe how this could help you and whether or not whatever situation you're going through, like, what am I doing? I don't know, but I'm staying optimistic. I'm trying to keep active. I'm trying to be okay with times to sulk, but not staying in it.

I would do two things. One is write down these thoughts. Just because you may not record on them now doesn't mean you shouldn't be writing them down. Good point. You could have a for the future. I have a list of all these podcast things that I just want to have a rant on, 3-minute, 5-minute, 7-minute rants. But all these little things that you're going through right now, journal it out. And that journal can become your platform for what you want to talk about later. Right? I'm not talking about like, oh, I felt— I'm not talking about like a journal journal. I'm talking about like— right?

Little things.

Yeah.

Even notes. Yeah.

Right.

And number 2, the language you used, which I wanted to jump in on you, was, I probably might.

Did I say that? I don't know.

So probably is like, eh, I don't know, maybe.

You're not convicted about it.

Right? So, I mean, you're giving me all these things that you want to do in the future, but I probably might do that. Yeah, no. So, right. So go back to simplicity. You know me already. I'm a big language person and a big pattern person.

So it's like an oxymoron. Even worse than probably or might. It's probably might.

I probably might become a bodybuilder.

I probably might be taller than 5'2" one day.

So listen to your language.

And part of my relationship with you is to hold you accountable.

Thank you, thank you.

So it's, you know, listen to, look out for when you're saying, "I probably," versus, "I am," or, "I won't." Make it binary, go back to binary.

Yes, simple, simplicity.

Simplicity, right? And then the reason why you're not gonna go around to sharing those experiences, 'cause you probably might. So why I started off with number 2, which is like, Come up with your list of things as you're going through this. If you have an idea, you gotta take out your phone and just go into a notepad and just have your grief thoughts, your process on that. Just make a little book, make a little notepad on that on your phone.

Cool, cool.

Right, and all those things you can come back on touchpoints. But two, change your mindset again about the language. Be mindful of your languaging.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And see where else you're saying probably.

Hmm, yeah.

You know?

Yeah, it's a lot around this podcast too, because I'm like, well, I'll probably do a website or, you know, like a landing page and I'll probably do this type of thing. And no, just, you know, you either will or you won't, you absolutely won't, or you actually will put in the work to do it. And I think that's like, that'll just kind of be what I take away a lot too from you. Well, I'll probably get to this like in at least like a week or two, I'll probably, and I even said, I probably will launch it just with you now, probably launch it then. All right, now when are we launching this? I mean, I— yes, I'm waiting on the creative guy to get back and I keep on hitting him every day. But once I get that, really the only thing is just posting it and then getting— I do want to get a website up, but it's not for business. It's just like a landing page. And I need to look into that today.

Instagram that, you know, with your links, with a Linktree.

Yeah, I think I might. I think I might do a separate one. I don't know. Instagram, I haven't figured out. I wanted to be like a travel photo person. Kind of theme on Instagram and it never really turned into that. But yeah, I think it needs a page. I think it needs—

I have everything. I have two different— I have three Instagrams. One when I was trying to do like just a separate niche for my business consulting. I'm like, screw it, it's whatever. And then I have one for my podcast, but they're still up. But all of them have, uh, all— yeah, yeah, on my main page, right? With the link where it links directly in your bio, you know, your profile link where it has the one thing where you can put That I have a Linktree where you can put as many different links in the Linktree once you click on that. But regarding all these different things, but you make your main— listen, you're not separating business and personal at this point. You're your brand, you're yourself. So, you know, I would put your— I'd make a Linktree and put your resume on that. You know, link here for my resume, link here for this, link, right? Just under that Linktree. And we can set up a time if you want, I can help you walk through that. Keep it simple right now.

I don't think—

yeah, yeah, go and invest thousands of dollars into a website.

No, no, no. Yeah, no, no, no, no.

And, and, and, you know, or Facebook, you do a Facebook page, whatever it is. And, and that Instagram, make it a business Instagram, and then it'll link it and post everything you do on your Instagram to that Facebook page automatically.

Yeah.

So yeah, then simplicity.

Yeah.

And, and that's it. So Is there— what is the next step for you? What is the next thing that previous to our, maybe our first conversation, you didn't think was going to be the next step for you?

Um, it, you know, it was on the last call, but it is really launching this and having a date and getting it all done. Is, is, is that And then, I mean, and then secondly is, is, uh, is, is really going to be building out the tribe or community of people around it, you know, um, and how I do that, the strategy of doing it. And I'm not— I want to keep it simple. I'm just— I mention it to people, I send them stuff, and I've connected with people, but it's going to be trying to be simple about how I built it and then my goals with it and trying to get that down because I don't have that really all fleshed out. My only goal is really just to do these conversations. It's not to like, "Hey, I'm starting a podcast for my business. Hey, I'm starting a podcast for my brand." Yes, it's part of my brand and it will be, but I am I'm starting this and then the next level is, okay, building it once it starts. So that'll be the next step.

Everything is a step-by-step evolution, right? Where if you listen to my first episode of my podcast, which was just me talking and kind of giving my background story, it was scripted and it doesn't— right? And I'm not— I love doing the engagement more than just me sitting and reading a script or like, you know, which usually is very— it's tough because I really do thrive off person-to-person energy.

Yeah.

And then, and then as you see, maybe like my first interview that I put out was with like, you know, I think it was Evan Stewart, and then whatever, there was a few others. But my, my whole demeanor, my whole free flow, like it's changed. Yeah, I, I think I just put out episode 40. I have at least 15 or 20 in the back that I haven't even put out yet, and I'm constantly still recording, and there was so much more Yeah, yeah, I've noticed that.

I've noticed that. I'm scripted too on my first, and then as I start talking to people and you themes kind of, you know, you just kind of start talking about the same themes. Yeah, you just sound— Organic. More succinct and organic, natural, and it's free-flowing. So yeah, absolutely, for sure.

And I think that's gonna come, right? And that comes for everybody. And I'm having this conversation with other people I'm coaching about their business branding and their business growth and their marketing ideas. They're all having, they're all stuck in one of two places. Very similar to where you are, where like, oh well, I second-guess myself, or it's not gonna be perfect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, screw it, right?

Do an Instagram— if you're not— if you're afraid, do an Instagram Live and bring someone on just to talk to, right? Everything you can do is you can do a leverage of a conversation with somebody else on Instagram and do an Instagram Live and then invite somebody in specifically and just have a conversation with them. Do this with somebody else, right? And say, hey, can I just stream this live? And can we talk about these 3 themes? And is that— do I have permission to do that, right?

Yeah, that's how you do it.

Yeah, so it's very simple. And people are like, yeah, of course, you know, or no, I want it to be more personal. Okay, but the people who say yes, you now have—

yeah, for sure. There's a lot of people I can think of that would do that, and I And it's, yeah, it's just not trying to be too perfect. I feel like more and more of these similar conversations I'm having or things I'm reading, it's like people want a smudge on things. People look at really polished and professional as maybe there's something not, maybe he's like, there's something up or he's up to something or they just don't have as much trust in total 100% perfection. So if you have some smudges, you have some screw-ups or whatever, oh, that guy's real. He's actually trying, like props to him. A real genuine person. Like, I can relate to that person.

And also think about volume and consistency. If you're putting out a video once a week or once every 2 weeks because you want to be perfect and the graphics and the editing and all that stuff to be right, and then another person has put out 25—

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who has more touch points and who's bringing more data?

For sure.

So I remember 2 weeks ago I did an— if you go on my Instagram page, you'll see like I didn't shave in a couple days and really awful patchy little gross little beard. I'm like, oh, should I shave? No, I just wanted to put out data. I'm wearing a baseball hat, I'm sitting out on my patio, probably not even a foot away from my phone, and I just wanted to put out content. And I would find a way just for 30 seconds, a minute, 60, whatever it is, and just put out stuff.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

And I think, or Instagram is a beautiful platform for that specifically for you because that's where you start getting followers. If you're putting it on your Facebook page, then you're already gonna have people who know you do that, you know, but you can take it. If you set up your Instagram, create your— if you don't already have your Facebook business page, it's gonna get, like I said, it's gonna go right to there and it's gonna, and it's gonna transfer that video right to there. And then from your business page, you share it to your main profile. Yeah, and it's one click versus having to download something, re-upload something, right? It's literally one thing, and I'm happy to walk you through. We will set up another time if you want to set that up if you don't already have it that way. Well, it'll take you 10 minutes, so cool.

Yeah, well, thank you for all this stuff, really. I mean, it's invaluable. I mean, it really is.

My pleasure, my pleasure.

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