A facilitator shares how an HIV support group reframed risk as an opportunity for compassion, then introduces a question from Universalist Unitarian practice: "What's the most loving thing I can do or say right now?" The idea is to turn that question inward, toward yourself, as a way to practice self-love.
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my HIV support group, I remember years ago, the facilitator would always say over and over, people would come in and they'd say, I, you know, I guess I got diagnosed with AIDS and I, uh, I don't know how to tell my parents. And I got to, uh, I've been rejected again by a guy that I liked because he didn't want to deal with my HIV. And, uh, my T cells are down and I'm, I'm afraid, whatever it was that they'd bring in, or the fact that they know they're dying and this is the last 2 months of their life. Facilitator would always say the same thing. She'd say, ah, well, she'd say one of three things, but they all ended up being the same thing. It was about acceptance. You could say, ah, now this, or, well, all this is a part of all that is. Or she'd say, well, here we are. Well, here we all are. So I guess to answer your question about self-love, it's not about risk. Risk is great. It's a whole different thing. It's more about accepting the situation that it is and how can you take this experience, this moment, this diagnosis, this encounter, this whatever this is, and use it to be more compassionate. There's a great question that the Universalist Unitarians ask. In their covenant, one of many. And the one I like the best is, what's the most loving thing I can do or say right now?
What a beautiful way to live your life when you're having a conversation with somebody, right?
To think, well, what's the most loving thing I can do or say? And what's the one thing I could do or say that actually would hurt this other person? Can I remove that? Do I need to say that? And how much more compassionate can I be? But when I hear that question, what's the most loving thing I can do or say right now? I don't hear it the way most people hear it. I think most people hear it as, how can I be more loving towards you? But I hear the opposite, the inverse. What's the most loving thing I can do or say right now to myself? And that's what I think you're referring to in terms of risk, Brené Brown, vulnerability. How much more loving and compassionate can I be towards myself, right? Rather than just being— taking a risk and being compassionate, passionate towards others, right? Does that make sense?
Yeah. And I can see myself being just like everybody else who's listening to this in any life situation, right? Whether it's, again, right, this is the week that, you know, after the tariffs and people's investment accounts have taken a massive hit and, uh, chaos politically and chaos with, with the war in Israel and just everything that's been going on in the in different communities, especially.
