You Winning Life Ep. 90-Anna Cantwell "Embrace Your Woo"

Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Winning Life podcast. I am Jason Wasser, licensed marriage and family therapist. And as always, we are tackling topics on psychology, spirituality, natural wellness, entrepreneurship. And today my guest is Anna Cantwell. She is a soul coach and mindfulness expert who is a meditation teacher, lover of animals. She's been rescuing animals since she was 4 years old. She has guidance and has worked with people through meditation, yoga, intuitive connection on deeper healing, especially During Transitions, and she also recently got engaged in the month of November. So congratulations and welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

Thank you so much, Jason Wasser. I am so happy to be here and thank you for everyone who is tuning in. And I hope today that we can just give you some really juicy tidbits on how to start winning at life because it's the best.

Yeah. So, right. So the reason why I wanted to obviously share that happy news is because it's been a rough year and right, a rising tide raises all ships, and we need to learn how to celebrate other people's victories more as opposed to looking at things where, oh, what do they do and what am I not doing and why do they get that and I don't get that, right? So I'm a big, big fan of sharing celebrations with the people that I connect with. So I always wanted to start there. So as I was getting to know your bio, you and I have some similar stuff where we've gone through some chronic pain and stomach issues and all that stuff. So let's start a little bit with that. Backstory of that journey of going from overwhelm and, you know, and pain and suffering to healing, and then we'll get into how that informed you now as a practitioner.

Yeah, absolutely. So I remember probably as early as maybe 8 or 9 starting to feel that anxiety creep in, and I think this can happen for a lot of of young kids that when they start to get into school and when school starts to get really regimented and you got to have your assignments in. And if you are anything like me, that was overwhelm from the start. I was, I swear, a born people pleaser. All of a sudden, you are taking on all of these different agendas, all of these things that you have to be good at. It just so happened that I was a really diligent student, that school was kind of my thing. And when something like that starts to become your identity, you really grasp onto it, right?

Right.

And if it starts to slip away, right, if you're the A student, if you start to get Bs, well, who are you, right? Who, who even are you if you're not that smart kid or the popular kid or the pretty one or the whatever the label was for you, or even the rebel, right? If you're not a rebel anymore. So when I started to feel this anxiety, it was— I didn't know this at the time. It was really internally produced. And, you know, hindsight is 20/20. I can take responsibility for that now, knowing that I put a lot of that pressure on myself. And I was in a high-achieving environment, right? I was in a really close-knit private school. I was in a very religious community that had a lot to do with moralism and being good and being well-liked and all of this, right? So a lot of that pressure really compounded and I started to just feel it in my stomach. And as I am sure you know, we have so many more neurotransmitters in our stomach, our gut brain, and It just started hurting all the time. There was— I tried to explain this to doctors, and my mom is, you know, a daughter of 2 doctors, and she— we started popping around to all the specialists and saying, what the heck is going on? I couldn't really explain the way that I felt to them at this age. So eventually I started seeing a therapist at 15. This was actually my second therapist because I had a whole other eating disorder journey from all of that pressure. These are very, to me, these are like kind of the classic symptoms of perfectionism and anxiety. They can manifest in these ways. And I remember the therapist who, who was there to help me with stress, she really held up a mirror to me and let me see that, wow, every time I start to feel stressed or panicked or worried, my stomach starts hurting. And that what if this perhaps wasn't as the doctors had suggested, which, you know, I was getting everything from, oh, you just have IBS. Oh, you just have acid reflux. Oh, you just have— list goes on. We're going to give you this sort of prescription that doesn't really help, but maybe it'll kind of make you think it helps. And I was getting really frustrated. I felt, you know, how could I possibly at age 15, 16, have this sentence that I'm going to be in pain for the rest of my life. And for someone like me, you know, I've always been rather persistent and determined, that, you know, that kind of intrinsic fire in me. And I just was not cool with that. That didn't fly with me to just accept that I'm going to be in pain. I thought there has to be another way. So, I started to just dip my toes into yoga and I felt like, wow, this is so amazing. I can go into this warm, inviting studio and everything smells like lavender and everyone is talking in soothing voices. And ultimately, it was a respite for me from my own mind, from the chatter and the constant questioning, we don't even want to talk about the indecision, the inability to just make a clear, simple decision on a daily basis. It started to open something up in me, which is maybe there is, maybe there is another way. Maybe there is another way instead of muscling through, right? At this time, you know, I was very active. It wasn't like I wasn't getting enough movement because I know that can be a huge cause of a lot of anxieties, just built-up energy within our bodies, right? And so our mind is like, what do we do with it? But I was playing tons of sports. I was, you know, involved in, you know, many enriching things. I was always volunteering. I was always like serving. And probably that had something to do with it too, that I had no real time to rest. I look back and I think, oh my God, how did I even do that?

But so life was like all this non-stop stuff going on, right? You were just fully consumed with trying to live this specific lifestyle with specific expectations.

Yes. Yeah. With trying to be the best at all things. And I don't know if anyone's familiar with the Enneagram here, but I'm an Enneagram 3, and that shouldn't surprise anyone. It's all about really the motivation to just achieve, which I want to highlight. This is not a bad thing, right? In and of itself, it's not a bad thing to want a great life, to want to be your best. I think that is also a huge part of what makes me great at what I do. It makes me a really great Coach for people and guide. It kind of went on into college. I went to a really academically demanding college. I continued to take on multiple jobs, right? There was no slowing down in the slightest and you know, at this time. I also— there was a lot of trauma that occurred for me. You know, when people sometimes say college, oh, it was the best years of my life. For me, it was the absolute lowest of my low. And the trauma obviously compounded my anxiety. It was to the point to where I would just be walking down the street in my mind just thinking, who is going to jump out and stab me? Who is going to just take— kidnap me, right? Take me away. And there was this really irrational fear. And there was also some rationality to it because I had been assaulted, right, in this same town multiple times. And that really pushed me. To kind of my edge. So I remember I took a mental health underload. I scaled back at all my jobs. I scaled back in my classes. I went back into therapy. I had kind of been in therapy off and on since I was 15. And that did— it really did help. And then there was a point when I felt that I was just rehashing the horrible things that had happened. I was just going over it again and again. And I remember at the time I was in kind of a toxic relationship. No surprise there, right? When you're in a really bad place, you're probably, you know, drawing in some of that toxicity and playing off someone else's weak points as well, or their, you know, addictive tendencies or depressive tendencies. And He said this one very lucid thing to me that was, you know, if you stay this way, if you stay depressed and so down from all of these things that have happened to you, it's those people that win. And that, it just shattered the illusion for me. And I thought, oh my God, the best way that I can, you know, quote, get revenge, the best way that I can win again is living an amazing life. It was really from that moment that everything shifted. I started going on a jog every single day and it was 15 minutes, maybe 20 minutes, and I was hardly taking classes at this point. I was sleeping most of the day, but I would always go on that jog first thing in the morning and I would run down the biggest hill I could find so that I had to run back up it. I didn't have a choice. I would listen to, and music is huge for me. So, music lovers out there, it can save you.

You are a Nashville girl, so.

Yes, totally. It is in my blood.

It is in your blood, right?

For sure. I would listen to Roar by Katy Perry on repeat and I would just think they are going to hear me roar. Like, this is me. This is me winning at life again. This is me coming back into me because even with the anxiety, even with the chronic pain, in my heart of hearts, I have always been joyful. I have always been attuned to happiness. I have always wanted to help people, right? I have always wanted to live a good life, and, you know, that was a huge turning point for me. So, once I left there, I decided that I was going to be a teacher. I wanted to be a high school English teacher, and I still had the same tendency. Man, those patterns, they run.

They're tough to get, right?

And I launched right into teaching high school full-time in a low-income neighborhood in Houston and took on a master's program at the same time because I'm crazy and that's just what I do. And it was that time that really, really showed me I needed yoga. I needed mindfulness, that those were essential in my life and that if I wanted to really give what I had to give to the world, my gifts, my contribution unique to me, that I had to work less, rest more, let myself be creative and attuned to my intuition. And once I started attuning to my intuition, I swear the stomach pain dissolved. It completely went away. And there was, you know, there was some supports with that. Of course, when I did have pain using other methods of pain relief, I completely cut out Advil, and that was totally ripping apart my stomach lining that I was prescribed by my doctor to take a ton of Advil, right? Basically. So I stopped taking that. I started using alternatives, pain alternatives, including cannabis at the time was really helpful. CBD was really helpful. And then the rest of the time, it was getting to know my intuition, getting to build a relationship with my inner being and actually listening to her, actually doing the things that she said, this is good for you, this is enriching your life.

So that point right there is so important because you're having a conversation and a dialogue with yourself versus your mind, right? The monkey brain, as we can call it, right? Running rampant, taking control of our life, being stuck in old patterns, and moving into a proactive space instead of a reactive space. So there's a few things I kind of want to refresh on because it's so good, and I want people to walk away with really understanding how powerful this process is and how much each of us can actually do this in any aspect of our life that we're struggling in. Number one, you decided with intentionality, right? We can, we can use mindfulness, but I, I like the word on top of mindfulness has to come with intentionality. I need to do this, this has to be done. But in a way that you're doing it, even though, like you said, I slept the rest of the day, I still had to do this. And you able— you gave yourself permission, it sounds like, and you also gave yourself a side of compassion. Even if I sleep the whole day, I'm still going to run. Right?

Yes.

So that's huge. So I want people to hear that languaging very specifically. So there's a sentence structure, which I'm sure you're familiar with, that depending on which part of the sentence we start with, and if there's a yes or, you know, if there's a but at the end of the session, that automatically cuts off what happened first, right? So for people out there who are struggling, I want you to try practicing this thing. Even though I'm struggling with blank, even though I'm disappointed with blank, even though I'm not yet complete with blank, I can still do blank versus I'm doing this, but this still isn't happening yet. Right? Stick to the first part of that script and practice changing whatever you're going through in your life that even though I'm still navigating, struggling, frustrated with, haven't found yet, haven't solved yet, whatever the blank, fill in the blank is, I am still, I can still, I can still choose, I'm still going to look forward to, right? And the sentence with the and and add that to it. And that'll automatically— it'll change your neurology, which will change your fight or flight, which will change your emotions, which will change your mood. And like you said, all the emotional stuff, especially connected to our gut and our gut-brain access. And that's huge. So I really want people to hear that component. The second thing that you talked about is intuition. And you and I were talking about pre-show, just like these experiences that I've had over the years, and it's getting stronger and stronger and more frequent that about 7 years ago, like, I started having dreams that were like actually foretelling something that was going on in my world that there was no way I would know. And what it taught me was I need to trust my gut. And those of us who have gut issues, who have chronic pain, stomach-related type issues, a lot of that does come to, right? It comes back to trusting yourself, trusting your intuition. Learning what's healthy, what's not healthy for you.

Yeah.

And then making those pivot changes based on that.

Totally. And we're so quick to outsource our decisions. We're so quick to do that. We're so quick to place our trust in, oh my God, a product or a brand or another, even strangers, right? Before we trust ourselves. So That is always my refrain is remember that before you place your trust in anything else, be able to really trust your own sense of what is best for you because you are the only person that has to wake up every single day in your body and live your life and go to your job and do all of the other things that you have to do. You are the only one that is going to be on the line for that.

Right. So, I am sure many of our Clients, right, my therapy and coaching Clients and your coaching Clients are sometimes stuck with, but I don't know who that person is. So from my perspective, I'll start off with helping them compile a list of core values. In other words, every decision that you're going to make, if we run it through that list of core values, it's a binary yes or no, right? Do I do this? Do I not do it? It's not like, well, my emotions are saying this, and my family story is saying this, and my religious culture is saying this, and my gender and sexual— right? That's in— that's secondary to this, because you still have to know, how are you engaging the world. So a lot of times people say, that's great, I have these core values, but is it core values that I want to be or core values that I've already defined? I'm like, well, if it's the core values that you've already defined and you're sitting here in front of me, how is that not working out for you? So maybe we need to revamp that so we can get you to where you want to be, which is your ultimate potential. And we— right, your potential and your purpose comes together with that. So, so that would be the first step for clients working with me. What would you say from your side? Like, what would be the first step for you to like someone who's stuck with that.

Always soul values from the get-go. We need to build a compass for your life. And the cool thing about soul values is, you know, people often say, I need to find who I am, I need to discover who I am. I say, no, you don't. You need to choose it powerfully right now. And guess what? If it doesn't work out, if it's not what you want, choose again. You get to choose again and that these core values, these soul values, they are not set in stone for the rest of forever, right? I find that my soul values shift a lot of times in different seasons of my life or they look differently. You know, a huge one for me is adventure and I know that I need that sense of adventure. Well, last year I was supposed to go to Machu Picchu, hike the Inca Trail. I was supposed to lead a retreat in Bali. Obviously, none of that happened. My adventure looked a little bit differently. It looked like moving from LA, from the city, out into the high desert to Joshua Tree, which, spoiler alert, was a great decision. It looked like getting engaged to my best friend. It looked like, and I can't even believe I'm saying this, but going to Ohio twice to see him while he was quarantined and just, you know, going out on a limb and discovering that you know, my— someone who had been my best friend for about a year, I was actually in love with. So just because—

which is straight-up adventure, right? It's that going out of the beaten path to try something different. So when it does show up in different ways at different seasons, which is what I really want people to hear, but it's also that risk-taking that's coming from a core value, right? Risk— I don't want to challenge anybody to take a risk where it's not backed up by something that's meaningful.

Yeah.

Or even more so healthy to them.

Totally. Totally. The intention. And then this is where kind of the mindfulness layer comes in for me, which is having the ultimate non-attachment. When I was about to go see him in Ohio, I had no clue how he felt about me. I just knew one thing. I'm going to see my best friend for a couple of weeks. Like, of course it's going to be an awesome time. I love him. We have a great time together. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, OK, I am in love with him. If he is not in love with me, that's OK. That's going to have to be OK. We're going to have a great time regardless. I can detach from that ultimate outcome knowing that this is something that's aligned with who I am, right? Taking a little bit of a risk, of course. And it was every moment worth it. And I can't imagine doing that differently.

So I'm going to ask a question that probably a lot of people are asking because there's people out there who have that unrequited love. They pine away for someone and they don't have the, uh, they don't have the chutzpah to say something, right? They're afraid they're going to be rejected. They're going to be turned down, whatever it's going to be, right? So when you have this, in a way it's a duality. You went out there completely holding no attachment. On the other side of the coin, you still had some level of intense emotions. At what point did you know in that dynamic that you needed to say something, or did you decide that you're going to wait and see until that person says something? Like, what was that little period of time? Because my whole thing is, and, and I share this all the time, is my new perspective is what's the worst gonna— what's the worst thing that can happen if you ask? And a lot of times people will say, well, they'll say no, right? That's where— and I'm like, actually, no, that's not true. Because if they say no, nothing changes. You're actually at the same playing field and the same level that you were at before. But if they say yes, now you got to scale your game.

Totally right.

And that's what's more scary. Staying where you're at, not so scary. Amping up your game, very scary. Putting yourself in that vulnerable place. Right. And Brené Brown, as you and I know, right, talk about like vulnerability is a powerful tool, not a not a weakness.

Totally. And it's, it's so rewarding. And I think people forget that they focus on the scary and they forget the, the what's at stake, right? The rewards. So for me, you know, I'm someone who I now at this point in my life, I live every moment with intention. I had done a lot of cultivating within myself of who, what's the kind of person that you see yourself with? What's the ideal partnership and what's What's the vibration of that partnership? And how do you see your day-to-day playing out? So I had done a lot of that inner work. I had also done a lot of the inner work of letting go of people from the past. So there was no really trace of that lingering in me. And I, and I really felt like I was open. But ultimately what highlighted it for me the most was being in quarantine, totally alone for months in my apartment, not seeing anyone. There was a second where I felt, wow, Anna, OK, you have done it. You have proved it to yourself. You can be on your own. You can be totally satisfied on your own. You can have tons of fun on your own. You can have amazing, loving relationships on your own. Admit it to yourself. You want a life partner. You want a teammate for this ride. And so much of what I work on with my Clients is owning their heartfelt desires, owning their true desires to feel that. And if that's a desire of your heart, why in the world would you be put on this earth to not have that come to fruition? After all, it's love. It's the most beautiful thing. It's the the center of our world is connection, right? And that doesn't always look like romantic love. And a beautiful part of that for a lot of people is having a life partner. So once I admitted that to myself and I, you know, I had still those few conversations with friends, I had a lot of friends who knew him. His name is Jake. And they were always saying to me, Anna, why don't you just see Jake? And it just wasn't the right timing. The timing just didn't work out and then this is hilarious. So, at the very beginning of 2020, I had actually just gotten broken up with for the first time and I like to say the relationship completed because that is what happened and that is how we termed it. But in reality, you know, I was on that end this time and that was the first time that ever happened to me and this man said to me, I had an intuition that I'm keeping you from the right man for you. Now, just a word of caution. If someone says that to you and it doesn't land in your body, I can definitely see people using that as a line to just get out of something.

It's the 2020, it's not me, it's you, or it's not you, it's not me.

Literally. Yeah, literally. It's that version. But here is the thing. In that relationship, I had done my typical pattern, which was be the coach, be the guide, and I was sitting over there thinking, I taught you what intuition was and now you are using this on me. Like, I taught you how to connect to that.

God, that sucks, right?

It was one of those moments. Then after, you know, a couple of days of bawling my eyes out, I thought, oh my God, He is right. He is totally right. The person is Jake. It is this person that has been here the whole time. But at that point, when I realized that, when I really, you know, come to terms with myself and looked inward and felt like this is not coming from neediness, this is not coming from desperation, this is coming from my open heart seeing, wow, we could really build a life together. Like, that is the level of love that I was desiring. Then, it just became clear. So, there was a moment, you know, we would talk all the time on Zoom and FaceTime and he just said to me, listen, I want you to come see me and I don't want you to call me back until you send me the receipt for your plane ticket. That is it. And for, you know, we talked a little bit pre-show about feminine energy and masculine energy. That is some pure masculine energy. And I had really, really been leaning into my feminine energy. By the way, that has nothing to do with gender. It just happened to be that way. And for someone who had really been desiring just someone to step up, I need a man to step up to the plate. That was it. And he said, send me a list of everything that you need to be here, to be comfortable, to be happy while you are here, and I will get it for you by the time that your plane lands. And that, that did it for me. I felt like, wow, he really stepped up to the plate. And at this time in his life, he is a musician. We share a love of music, and he was really focusing in on completing his, his debut solo album. He had been in bands for a long time, and he was so focused, so passionate on what he was doing that, yes, we still were able to kind of keep up our friendship and touch base, but I knew, I was like, nothing is stopping him right now from this goal. And that was really attractive, that was really magnetic to me, to see him in that really masculine energy zone, and I was in my feminine energy zone, even as, you know, a woman who can really be in her masculine too. So once that happened, and then once I got there, it was, it was game over from the minute I got there. We just knew. And it was— it feels cheesy to say, I know it feels cheesy to say, but it was the feeling of, oh, This is what it's supposed to feel like.

It's the recognition of all the work that you guys have done. Yeah, individually. And now put together into a conscious mindset of like, what are we looking to get? And this is— as a therapist and as a person who sees a lot of couples and relationships, it's that intentionality that gets people so stuck, or the lack of intentionality that gets people so stuck. And I remember like a client I saw a while ago, that so much stuff went on in such a short time in their very young relationship, and they were married. And I asked them to take a step back and take a look at these things. Well, what did you want to get out of this relationship? What were you hoping for? How much of this did you discuss with the other person? Or did you only hope that they had a crystal ball to read your intentions? And within a few sessions, we cleared all that up. We figured out why they were stuck, how they got stuck, the assumptions and expectations and beliefs about what they thought relationships were, what they thought partnership/marriage was, stuff that wasn't theirs, that was their family's, that was projected onto them, that they chose to willingly carry without realizing it.

Right?

So the story you're telling is very different. And what I, again, I want people who are listening to this story to hear is that this is when people talk about doing the work, doing the process, becoming self-aware, knowing your stuck patterns. I remember, gosh, it was a couple of years ago, I was at an event and someone came up to me and this person's like, "I'm so sick of dating. Every guy, every guy I go out with, they just want to sleep with me." And my response to that person was, "How many of them did you not sleep with?" And right, right. And so, so what's the common denominator is that if you— right, and there was no judgment on on what that was, you know, going on. But like, if the common denominator was you did this experience too early for your own good, that led you to the same outcome, and whatever that would be, but in this scenario, it was that situation. Why are you repeating that same pattern? Because the common denominator in all the people you went out with is you.

Oh, yeah. Right. That's such a triggering place. You know, I come from a really religious background. I come from the background of sex education was, you know, taking a piece of tape and saying, "Oh, if you stick the tape on, it becomes less sticky. Sorry, it doesn't work anymore." Or, "Once you open the tube of toothpaste, you can't put the toothpaste back in." All of these terrible, terrible, terrible, traumatic metaphors for a woman's sexuality. And then recognizing— and this is something that, you know, me and my partner have recently really kind of dove into is just honoring sex for what it is, as a sacred energy exchange. And I had a huge breakthrough with that too. There was a moment when I said to myself, I will not have any— I don't have sex with anyone who does not— who I wouldn't want to trade lives with, who I wouldn't want to be that person. Because in that—

Say that again.

Yes. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna say it. I'll say this all day, that don't have sex with anyone that you wouldn't want to be or to trade lives with, ultimately. And that includes— I don't care if you have, you know, if you have a fuck buddy or if you have a fling or if you have a couple of dates or whatever. That rule, it will save you so much heartache. It will save you so much pain. And there's also just an acknowledging that when that exchange of energy happens, it's powerful. Not just, you know, not just on the woman's end. And there is some biology there that makes it a little more powerful for the ladies. So it's just something to be conscious of. Who do I want to be sharing my energy with? And for me, you know, earlier in the dating process, it just became like, it became ruthless. There was a time when, you know, I could tell really quickly within 1 or 2 dates, is this going anywhere? Because it's not in alignment with your ultimate goal, right? If your ultimate goal is to date a bunch of people, awesome. Right.

Do that. But be clear about it.

Exactly. Be clear about those intentions and what you have. And if your intention is to seek out your life partner, then by all means, please be clear about that too.

And this is the conversation that I have left and right with everybody in my young professional classes and all my, you know, my young professional clients that are in their 20s and 30s. And sometimes even into their 40s, because I'm like, how clear are you? You're telling me you want this, like, healthy partner, and why are you keep dating these same people and you get stuck in the same place? I'm like, are you dating to date with, well, if I meet the right person, then I'll consider, right, if they're gonna be a right partner for me down the road, versus I'm dating to find out if this is the right person for me to spend the rest of my life with? Both are fine, but are you crystal clear on what you want because based on what you're deciding, your energy is going to be put out into the universe, into the— the rules of engagement are going to apply. And you can't be pissed off that you keep drawing these type of people into your life when you're giving out vague messages and you yourself are uncertain, or you're saying you want a super serious relationship that's going to lead you to a committed long-term relationship and you're doing X, Y, and Z that is contradictory to that. So I think like the clarity of everything, and this is something that I haven't gotten into enough on the podcast, it's much more in my, my unfinished business class that I do Tuesday nights on Zoom. But this transitionary period of understanding, and you went through that, and we've all gone through that at some level, of transitioning from a different developmental stage of, right, I have to give up experimenting with what I want if I decide I want something serious is a false premise. You can still know what you want and still experiment with different types of experiences. Again, that aligns with your core values, is obviously safe and ethical for you. Or as one of my friends says, I'm not going to ask you to do anything unethical, illegal, or fattening. So it's a great way of putting it. But I really, again, like if you're listening and you're out there on this, right, and you're trying to find this relationship many people out there already are in a relationship, but this still applies. How clear are you on the outcome of what you want, even in the relationship you're in? And are you taking the action steps and sharing that overtly versus waiting for the other person to get the hint, get the message, read your crystal ball?

That's the toughest part. And, and I love, you know, what you brought up about language. And like I said, I was an English teacher, conscious language transforms lives. To be able to communicate clearly, and that doesn't matter if it's on a third date or if it's on a second round interview or if it's on a podcast. If you can communicate your earnest desires, your earnest intentions clearly, it will shift the direction of your life. And that's why so much You know, so much of what I work on with my clients is if you want to stop being tired, you have got to stop ringing the gong every day of I'm so tired, I'm so tired, I'm so tired, right? Because that's what you're creating in life, right?

That's that record that's actually created in your neurology, that, that story and that neural pathway does get created and you're not going to get a different outcome. Ester Hicks, Law of Attraction, right? It's, you know, she walked into her friend's house, and she's like, "Oh, that's really interesting music." She's like, "Yeah, I don't like it." And she's like, "Well, how come you didn't turn it off?" She goes, "Well, it's my mom's favorite record." And she goes, "Oh, is your mom here?" "No, she passed away 15 years ago." "So why are you playing it?" "Because it was my mom's favorite record," right? And we do that, right? How cool, right? That's such a great Ester Hicks Law of Attraction story. Of the many thousands that are out there. But we do that, we're playing someone else's record. And that groove just gets— I mean, I'm dating myself since I was born in '78 and have a nice record collection. But right, that groove does get into our neurology. And that does create our neural networks. And that creates our experience. When we talk about the law of attraction, we're actually talking about biochemistry, neurology, quantum mechanics, which is a whole nother ballgame. But you can't transition into that other stage of your life unless you know where you want to go. And I know that your— some of your work has been working with women going through developmental transitions in their life. So let's round out our conversation with, with some of that. So talk to me about transitions. Talk to me about going from here to there. What do we need to know? What's going to help us get there? What are some of the tidbits and the takeaways from, from that side of the coin?

I love it. So there's this palpable moment. You feel it in your body. You know it in your heart when you shift from maybe trying to just lessen your anxiety or trying to alleviate your pain to really trying to create or creating consciously the life of your dreams. And I love, you know, just even seeing the name of this podcast, Winning Life. That it's winning life for you. It's winning life for your family or for your Community, right? It's connecting to that bigger picture. So you start to see that, wow, my dreams and desires, they're not only going to produce a beautiful, happy, and fulfilling— emphasis on the fulfilling— life for yourself, that's also going to ripple out always into your community. So, and into your family and into your friendships and into your company or what have you.

Your legacy.

Absolutely. The life, right? The life that you choose to live. So what I recommend for people who are kind of in that stage, right? Maybe you've, you've really, you know, knocked down your anxiety with a lot of mindfulness. Maybe you've really shed a lot of that childhood trauma and you are not living from those patterns anymore, it is time to create new pathways. It is time to create a couple of new, really empowering beliefs. One of them that I love that I feel like gets to be true anytime is, "I love my life." How fun does it feel to just say, "I love my life." I love my life. I love my body. I love my business, right? I love this life I get to live. So, creating a couple of those really powerful affirmations to come back to, and I put them everywhere. For a long time, way before it was true, I had the sticky notes, "I am a successful Coach," all around my house, right? I had all kinds of phrases to He's got it right there. I love it. And the cool thing about this, and this is kind of just the thing that you won't hear a lot, is this doesn't have to be complicated, right? Like, you don't need to go to some, like, crazy, like, snake charmer or anything to start to rewire your mind in this way. It can be as simple as, you know, brushing your teeth with your opposite hand, right? Doing, trying on new things, right? Seeing how you can enrich your life in those little simple ways. Because I really, that's another one of my soul values is simplicity, that this growth and this pattern of life gets to be simple.

So I'm cracking up and people can't see, right?

Right.

I mean, you see it, but like people who are listening can't see by this huge grin on my face and how much I talk that about simplicity always wins. And my coach Rick Sapio, who's started a program called Business Finishing School, who my entrepreneurship coaching came through that program, his core values and the core values of the program are simplicity, probability, and leverage. Will this make my life simpler by doing what I need to do? Is the right— with the action steps, is it probable that I will achieve it in the appropriate time that I need to set this goal by? And leverage is who do I need to bring into my life, A, that I can leverage it to because it may not be my zone of genius, B, my pay point of doing it. I'm going to be obviously worth more money doing something else and hiring someone else to do it, or C, can they hold me accountable to doing it if I'm actually supposed to be the person who's supposed to fulfill it and do it in order to make my simplicity and probability more happening? So, right, this simplicity always wins, right? Like Gary V talks about kindness always wins, but like, which is true, but in my practical applications, the simplest way to solve a problem is the simplest way to solve a problem.

Yeah. And there's, so I've definitely made the, um, you know, happy mistakes in my business of trying to overcomplicate things and trying to get into the deep energetics and all the crazy quantum physics. And that stuff is awesome. And I'm a huge nerd. And I love nerding out on that and learning about it. But ultimately, and this is, this is kind of my next takeaway, I recently had a client who said, you know, he's going through a huge spiritual awakening. He's, you know, early 40s. And he's saying, does this mean that I have to like get rid of all my friends and change my job and do all this stuff?

Sometimes.

And that was my answer is sometimes it does. So perfect. So if you have this crazy transition in your life, you're feeling like, wow, I'm seeing life for the first time. I'm experiencing awe and wonder. I'm experiencing what fulfillment and satisfaction— also highly underrated. Satisfaction feels like, then it's highly possible that you're going to outgrow some of the people in your life, some of the places that you always used to go, some of the job experiences that you used to have. You are going to outgrow those scenarios if you are focused on growth. And the number one bing, bing, bing, like flashing lights, like tool tip that I can give you is to grow in community. Oh my god, it is so much easier to do this work when you are with other people who are doing this work, and it's going to feel scary at first, and it's going to feel vulnerable, and then all of a sudden you're not going to feel like the crazy person that all the people from your hometown are calling you for actually wanting to live a rich and freaking awesome, beautiful life. It's so important. Get that community. There's millions of them out there. They are. Or create one. If you don't see one that you like, just make one.

A few years ago, I went to a retreat and it was for one of the Jewish holidays. And this retreat center, it's called Isabella Freeman Retreat Center. It's up in New York, Connecticut border. It's a kosher, organic, mindfulness Jewish retreat center. Which, right, already within a very niche of a niche of a niche. And it was for a specific holiday that's very nature-oriented, Sukkot. And you have all denominations from Hasidic to LGBT, trans, right, that community, from Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, all the different denominations, all choosing, self-selecting to want to hang out together on this holiday, which is really cool because you have people who would never meet each other on a typical basis, but willingly being uncomfortable knowing that these are the type of people that they want to be with because they're not going to maybe get that in their own community. So it's just, again, like I said, it's a self-selecting group. And I remember calling my best friend who lives in Boulder, who gets this type of vibe and is part of a community like that in Boulder, Colorado. And I remember saying to him before the holiday started, it was a Friday afternoon or something, and I go, I hope I fit in with all the other people who don't fit in.

Odds are, right?

Odds are. And it was an incredible weekend and I had to realize consciously that this is my tribe and feel that I wasn't self-disconnecting from this because it was so not what I was used to, but it's what I always wanted. And I was so not— I was familiar with it in theory and concept, but to immerse myself in that experience, I had to find a way to stay connected and stay mindful versus being like, okay, like maybe I don't belong or this is weird and am I as weird as these people?

Right.

I'm being playful with the term weird, but like, right. It's, it really is that, that powerful of finding community. And one of the things that I really found even more powerful is that I wasn't getting this in South Florida. So pre-pandemic, I started giving classes to young professionals on specific topics. And then once a pandemic started, I started ramping up. I'm like, no one else is doing this. No one else is doing like, you know, Zoom 15-minute check-in calls with any, like, hey, I, here's the times available on my schedule. Here's a Calendly link. If you want a 15 minutes just to say hi, just to shoot the shit, here's what, and I did that for the first like 60 days of the pandemic because no one knew what the hell was going on back in March, April. And it was just as good for me for me. Probably I would be selfish. It was definitely better for me sometimes. I know, probably, I'm sure it was good for others. But like, you know, there was a selfish intention, but it was to uplift everybody. And I really strongly agree with creating community. And in order for this community to continue being created, I want everybody to pull out their phone. If you're driving, if you're driving, don't pull out your phone now. But I want you to go on Instagram. And I want you to follow Anna, and you can go on Instagram. And it's @iamannacantwell. C-A-N-T-W-E-L-L, and her website also is annacantwell.com. Check out some of the cool stuff she's doing. There's meditations, right? You have some musical meditations that you're now doing and working on.

I do, yeah. Actually, last year that was a huge thing for me. I released an EP of songs to help you in a super fun way reprogram your subconscious beliefs. They— with things like Everything is working out for me, right? Tuning into that, tuning into your own divinity, letting love win. That was the big one. Love definitely won last year for me and through that song. So just know that you get to choose your flavor, and I promise you, whatever like crazy wacky thing it feels like you are into, there is someone out there who is also into it, who wants to connect. Over it. And even if you just have a story, I want to hear them. I want to know what you're working through right now, um, what you're spiritually growing through, what cool new ways you're tapping to your intuition through, and honestly, just how we can connect, because we need it more than ever right now.

Awesome. So for everybody else out there also listening, if you haven't yet subscribed to this show please do so. And if even more so you would be gracious enough, right, we're not doing any sponsors, just leave us a written review on iTunes. That helps us get in front of more people. And right, and if there's an— if this episode speaks to you, or if you know someone who would— you probably know someone who's gonna benefit from hearing this conversation that Anna and I just had, please send it along to them and connect with them and say, hey, this is this is some really powerful stuff and I want you to hear this because this is the way that we can create our community. And if you haven't also yet followed on Instagram, @youwinninglife, and obviously you can reach out to me on all the social media. You guys know how to track me down. It's pretty simple at this point. But Anna, again, congratulations. I am so glad that we, we connected. And the way we connected was through Podbooker, which happens to be a— who I happen to meet, the person Daniel who runs the site, who happens to have— we have like, I don't know, 80 friends in common. And it's so crazy, right? This whole little network that's now being, you know, facilitated just by one person having an idea to create a community for people in the podcast community to connect.

So genius.

Yeah. So again, congratulations.

Oh, thank you so much for just this conversation and connecting. These are the kind of life-giving conversations that I am interested in having and listening to and proliferating wildly. So let's keep doing it.

All right, guys, we'll see you on the next episode.