Unmet childhood needs, especially lack of caregiver attunement, drive adults to seek validation through romance. The pattern persists because people deny it and hope a new partner will finally fill the gap. Healing requires recognizing the need, accepting it won't come from a partner, and doing the internal work yourself.
What it usually is, is an unmet need in childhood that was never really met. Maybe you were never really fully attuned to by your parents or caregivers, and so you were— you developed a coping mechanism from a very young age to go towards people that you're interested in romantically to try to get that need met. And most people that I work with that have this going on, it started when they were so, so little because that's just how this stuff goes. So no judgment, no shame, but how do we heal it? So first we have to recognize that this is what's happening and really come out of a level of denial, because part of what keeps us stuck, in addition to the addictive chemicals, is also the belief that maybe this time it'll be different, maybe this time this person is going to show up, and they won't unless they're doing the really deep work.
