Jess, a breakup coach, walks you through uncovering the story your brain tells after a breakup, then rewriting it. She uses a "magic wand" exercise to clarify what you want, then teaches you to complete "I am so happy and grateful now that" to build a new narrative and spot what's blocking you.
I'm Jess. I'm a relationship, dating, breakup coach. All things relationship, mostly your relationship with yourself. But we can get more into that later. But I'm here to help you reclaim your story. So I want to ask you, since going through your breakup, what is the story that keeps playing out in your mind? What is the narrative? What's looping up in there? And it's a very powerful question because when we can identify the story that you're telling yourself about what happened, we have a window into your subconscious beliefs and your subconscious mind. Whenever we go through something traumatic or painful, what happens is our survival brain kicks into high gear and really tries to make sense of what happened. Most of the time, the thoughts, the stories that it feeds us are really not the truth, but they really feel like the truth, and they're often linked to past experiences and past memories. So what is the story that you're telling yourself right now? Don't judge it. Don't shame yourself for whatever it is, but just what is it? What's the story? And can we write it all out? Write it down. Take a minute. If you can pause this video and just write down on paper, what is the story I'm telling myself right now about myself, about the relationship, about life? What's the current narrative? Write it all down. And I want to use this opportunity to help you to reclaim your story and your life because breakups suck. There's no way around it. They're painful, there's no way around that, but there is a way to use them as an opportunity for you to become more free within yourself, more connected to what it is that you desire, and step into a new story that you'd like to tell. So now that we've looked at your old story— well, the current story that's going to become your old story— what would you like to experience? Can you look at all of the things that happened that really weren't desirable for you? Maybe there were certain qualities in your partner that really didn't work for you, or maybe there were certain qualities within yourself that came out in the relationship that you'd like to work on healing. But if you had a magic wand and you could paint a picture for whatever it is that you really deeply desire, what would it look like? And let's talk about that and let's get really crystal clear on what it is that you desire and what you want for your life because just the same way that that old narrative came up and those stories came up, new stories can come in and rewrite, rewire the brain to align with that vision. But first we have to get really clear and I don't know about you but there's not really much of a better way to know what we do want than when we know what we really don't want. And breakups can have a way of really making it so clear about what we do not want. So let's think about that and let's rewrite your story. I like to start this out as a sentence stem of, I am so happy and grateful now that— and just write it out and use your imagination for your highest good. And really let nothing be off limits. And notice what comes up for you as you write this story. Is there any resistance? Is there any fear? Is there any lack of faith that maybe it's not possible? All of this information is really powerful, and if you want to dive a little bit deeper, I can help you to uncover anything that might be blocking you from this life that you desire. Because the thing about our subconscious mind is that it really serves us in some ways, and in other ways it can really keep us stuck. It can keep us stuck in beliefs that we don't deserve, or we're not worthy, or maybe that we have to be perfect to be lovable, or we have to somehow be perfectly healed before we're ready to have a relationship, a romantic relationship. And that's really just not the case. But we need to learn how to work with what comes up within us. And so a good indicator is to write out your dream life and see where do you have any sticking points. Where does it feel like maybe it's not possible? And start from there. If you need some more help with this, we can dive a little deeper and get to the roots of what might be keeping you stuck in places that you'd really rather move past. So I'm excited to connect with you more, and I'm excited that you're here. And if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out.
