Stop Attracting Unavailable People FOR GOOD

People ask me all the time, how do I know if someone is unavailable? They will tell you. They will actually tell you that they're unavailable through their words, or their actions and words won't match. So if you are in a pattern of attracting or being attracted to unavailable people, we need to look at, with a lot of love and compassion and kindness, what within you is unavailable to you. Because we are drawn towards what is familiar, we are drawn towards what feels like home, even if it creates pain or discord or chaos. If you're in a relationship dynamic with somebody who's not available, or you're in a pattern where you keep experiencing different levels of unavailability in another then there's some work to do within you. And it might be a little confusing because some people say, well, why would I ever want this? I, I don't want to date someone that's unavailable. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, logically it doesn't make sense, but subconsciously we are drawn towards what is familiar. We go towards what feels like home. So our nervous systems know what is familiar. So there could be a bunch of people in our world, in our energy field, that could show up as available, and we just don't even see them because we're so focused on the unavailable person. And a deeper layer of this is there can be this thing called repetition compulsion where we're trying to play out a loop with a romantic partner or someone that we're dating that actually links back to our childhood and having a parent or caregiver that's really unavailable. And so what that looks like is we turn this person into our mom, our dad, our caregiver, and then we try to make the unavailable person available so that we can finally get our needs met in a way that they were never met. So it's kind of a sneaky thing, but it's really, really common, and it's something that I've experienced personally myself, and it can be a really, really painful pattern. So what do we do if this is our pattern? Well, we want to look at what it is that we consciously desire. What it is that we want to create in our lives and our relationships and what could be standing in the way of that. Get really, really clear because it's like having a destination to get to on a map. If we don't put the destination in the GPS, we're not getting there. We're not going to ever find it. Right. So we need to have a really clear vision of what we want to create in partnership or in relationship or in life. Right. Just generally speaking. Doesn't always have to be with a romantic relationship, but that is my specialty. So think about, okay, what is it that I desire? Great. Got that. Okay. What is it that's been showing up in my world? And is there a gap between what I desire and what's actually showing up? And through that gap, what we want to do is uncover whatever it is that is blocking you from what you desire. So what's keeping you here when you want to be here. And a lot of times it's these patterns underneath the surface that are trying to keep us safe. And what is safe for our nervous system is what feels familiar. So if we can start rewiring our brain and healing our nervous system and feeling safe within ourselves and in our own lives, then what we're drawn to starts to shift. So lots of clients come to me and they say, oh my gosh, you've helped me fix my picker. I used to pick all these people that are so unavailable, and it was just the worst and the most painful. And now, once I started redirecting my energy back to myself and choosing myself, those people aren't attractive to me anymore. Freedom, liberation— this is what we're here for. This is what the work is. So many people come to me because they want help with romantic relationships, and that's great because romantic relationships are one of the greatest learning tools of all time. It will bring up all of our stuff. And at the end of the day, we are really working on our relationship with ourselves. The relationship between you and you, you and you, that's what we're working on because you are the only one that is gonna be with yourself from the entire time that you get to the planet until you leave. You and you, it's a journey with you and you or you and God, right? So how can we make sure that you're so grounded and centered in your own self that you're good whether you have the relationship or whether you don't. You learn how to build your life up in such a way that it's full, right? And we're not placing all of this emphasis on one specific area, like the romantic partner, for example, because when we do that, the energy around it is just really wonky. I know it can be really hard when that is what you want, but it's a practice, right? So another thing that I work with clients on is helping them to fill up their lives in a way that really deeply honors them and what they like to do, what they want to experience, and how can they just create a life that looks like that day to day. And then what happens is your partner comes in and just bumps into you on that path that you've created for yourself. But if you're stuck in a looping cycle or you're striving or you're feeling like you really have to make it happen, you have to go out there and force it to happen, otherwise it's not going to happen, then we need to do some work around that energy and getting into a place of acceptance and allowing the unfolding. So if you're feeling stuck, you're feeling like you want to be somewhere other than where you are, I'd love to help you take whatever it is that you're walking through right now and use it as a vehicle for your own expansion and your own liberation. And then as a result, the external things tend to end up working themselves out anyway as a nice side effect. But that's not the entire focus. The focus is the relationship with you you and you, 'cause the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. It sets the tone for your relationship with money. It sets the tone for professional relationships. It sets the tone for your relationship to your own health. So this is the most important thing. So what does it look like to actually be available to yourself? For many years, I didn't understand this. I was like, I don't get what you mean. Be available to myself. What does that even mean? And of course we don't know because a lot of us weren't taught this, right? But it can look like slowing down, which could feel a little scary, but just little by little, trying to slow down a little. It could look like putting your phone away for an hour and just being with you. It could look like going for a walk. It could look like giving yourself the space to feel your feelings. It could look like getting yourself some outside support. It could look like committing to learning something that brings you joy. Like for me, I love yoga. Never thought I would say that, but yoga has been life-changing for me. So how can you be available to you moment to moment to moment? Sometimes it's the little things. Sometimes it's like, am I thirsty? I'm going to get myself some water rather than waiting. Right. And how can you become the most loving partner and best friend to your own self? Because then you will not allow anybody into your field that messes with that energy. If you are struggling with being attracted to or in a dynamic with someone that's unavailable, reach out. I'm happy to support you in the rewiring of that so that you can finally experience the life and the relationships and the connection and the intimacy that you desire. You can click the link to book a 15-minute connection call with me, and also there is a link to check out my pricing and my packages and ways that I support clients. I work with individuals, I work with couples, anybody who has the desire to start shifting the way that they experience their life and their relationships, especially relationship to self. I'm here for you, and I can't wait to connect.