Stop Attracting Unavailble People FOR GOOD

You keep attracting unavailable people, but you don't understand why. Here's the hard truth: if you're attracting people that are not available in some way, shape, or form, it actually is indicating that you are not available to yourself. Let me explain. I'm Jess. I'm a dating and relationship coach, and I help individuals and couples come back to themselves, to their truth, to their authenticity, and heal themselves at the root so that they can finally align with the life and the relationships that they desire, starting with the relationship with themselves, which of course sets the tone for every other relationship. So are you in a pattern of attracting or being attracted to unavailable people? Here's the deeper truth as to why this could be showing up. Unavailability feels familiar to you. So consciously you could tell yourself all day long, I'm ready for a relationship, I want a healthy relationship, I want someone that shows up for me, and I'm totally available, I'll show up for them. Look how much I give to these people that aren't really giving much back to me. But here's the thing, the subconscious mind is actually running the show here. And if you're drawn to unavailability, the reason is because you yourself on some level are not available. You're used to having to chase love, having to earn love, having to prove that you're worthy, rather than just knowing within your heart and your mind and your nervous system that you are worthy and lovable because you exist, which is the truth. But there are experiences from the past that you have wired in your brain and wired in your nervous system that are keeping you in this cycle, and it's familiar. So what's familiar to us might feel really uncomfortable, but it's also what we're used to. So how do we shift it? A lot of us are used to being in survival mode. You may be aware of this, you may not. You may have some degree of awareness around it, but if we are in a state of fight or flight, if we don't feel totally safe, and that's just how we felt for most of our lives, then we don't know what it's like to feel different. We don't know what it's like to not have to chase somebody. So this is what's familiar. The way to shift and heal this is for you to start attuning to yourself and becoming available to your own yourself. You become available to you. You become the person that you are seeking, that you're wishing to experience in the outer world, right? Because a lot of us are programmed around this idea that there's the savior coming in, that this person's going to come in and make everything okay and make us finally feel safe, and we're finally going to find the one. But that's not the whole story, because we have to actually make sure that our nervous systems are ready to experience reciprocal love, healthy love, love that is available and present and consistent and doesn't create these highs and lows, highs and lows, highs and lows. And the high and low is actually just what we've been used to, the chaos, the up, the down. And the reason why the highs are so high in these types of relationships is because the lows are low. I remember a coach said to me years ago, Jess, make sure that a little does not seem like a lot. And I didn't really know what he meant, but now I do because I was in a relationship with someone who really was available for the bare minimum, and it felt like the norm to me because that's what I was used to. That's what my nervous system was wired for. But now, after years of healing my nervous system, surrounding myself with loving people, learning how to set boundaries, which are all the things that I support my clients with plus more, Now I really have a felt sense in my body for what is safe and what is not, and what is available and what is not. And so I want to help you to get out of that belief that maybe something's wrong, or maybe that it's not going to happen for you, that there isn't someone out there that can meet you, because that's not true. But here's the caveat: you need to meet you. You need to show up for you first. You need to become available for you. And as you do that, you're going to be on that energetic frequency, that channel of availability, of safety, of consistency. And then others will meet you there— friends, romantic partner, even money. Because when we're used to the up-down, high-low experience, we're going to create that everywhere. Not just romantically. Romantic relationships just happen to be the place where this shows up in really obvious ways, but it'll show up in other areas of your life too. The number one thing that you need to do to shift your experience of being attracted to or attracting emotionally unavailable people is becoming available to your own self. That's it. And this is something that I help clients with. So if you're looping in this pattern and you're not sure how to shift it, I got you. Comment below, or you can click the link in my bio and book a connection call with me, and we can explore what would best support you to help you get out of this pattern and get you aligned with the life and the relationships that you desire. Can't wait to connect with you.