Video Testimonial - Edward & April

Things were really difficult in our relationship, uh, especially, uh, I mean, for both of us, not, not just me, but for, for her as well. Um, she was, was ready to check out, or mentally she had already checked out, and, uh, emotionally I was just, um devastated. And there were things happening in our relationship, you know, she, she was very much more open to speaking with other people and, and friends and stuff about our relationship, and but not coming to me. And that, that made things even that much harder. Um, and I felt like, you know, there was a betrayal, betrayal of trust. Between us. And I didn't know if I was going to be able to come back from that, um, or how to even really deal with it. And after meeting with Jess, it— things got a lot easier for me to like stop focusing on, on April and start focusing really more on myself. And, and, you know, what was I putting out there and how do— how I was dealing with with things. And honestly, like, after going through that first session, it really opened my eyes up to a lot. And I started, you know, I, I, I started asking April to, to just consider, uh, the possibility of, of, of seeing Jess. Um, but I tried not to put any pressure on her to, to do it. I would just throw it out there whenever I could and and hoped. Um, what do you, what do you think?

What do you want to say? So before meeting Jess, I was really ready to leave. Like I was out the door, um, mentally, almost physically. And I mean, we had tried a couple other counselors and therapists and couples counseling before, and it was just not good. Not a very good experience and stuff. So when he brought up seeing Jess, because he's the one that found her, I was just like, not, nah, like, I don't want to do it. Like, um, and he met her first, and then it took a while, I think like a couple months before I even met her myself. And I was more like, okay, well, I'm gonna do this because I know I'm leaving, and then at least I could say that I tried. So that's pretty much where I was at, my whole attitude towards it, when, um, I wouldn't start it. So when I met with Jess, there was just an instant connection and it just felt, it felt right.

And I was gonna say, I knew, I knew that, that if she met with Jess, that I probably had at least a shot fixing this. I knew they would hit it off.

Yeah. So Yeah, I mean, it was really like, I'm done, when before, before we even met with Jess. That's— now things are better, obviously.

Meeting with Jess and after, you know, we signed up for her program, we weren't quite sure if, uh, A, if we could, you know, do the 6 months. So, so we, we signed up for a 3-month program, right?

We weren't ready for the big commitment. I wasn't ready to commit 6 months because again, I was ready to go. Yeah.

So we finally agreed and we, we committed to, to at least trying for, for 3 months and wanted to see what, you know, where this went. And Jess ended up giving us tools to better communicate with each other, really helped us navigate, you know, our arguments, get outside of our own, you know, experiences and really start, you know, seeing the other person's point of view. It's always funny to me because it's like, you know, I used to always say to people, it's like, oh, well, put yourself in their shoes. But, you know, it's a lot harder you think you're doing it, but you're really not. And you really have to hear the other person's experiences without, in all honesty, opening your mouth and passing any kind of criticism or judgment or telling the other person, "Well, you could have done this." So—

Yeah, I feel that we got a lot of really good tools for those fights to pretty much kind of take a step back and evaluate what's really going on. Because sometimes the fight wasn't even about what the fight— what we were fighting about. It was more about trying to understand, um, our partner, you know, and, and understand why they may be upset about something, or, or just what triggered the fight that you may think, why are we fighting about this? And, um, I definitely— before, before meeting with Jess, it was a lot of there was a lot on my part of, I don't really care what you have to say, shutting down and walking away. This kind of, this process made me like take that step back and there was a lot, what is it, a lot less, oh, me and me and this is how I'm feeling and then more like, okay, well, this is how I'm feeling, but then how are you feeling? And just being open to it, more loving, lovingly fight, if that's even the right way to say it. Like, because you're gonna, you're gonna have arguments and you're gonna have disagreements and you're gonna fight, but it's about how we come out on the other side. And before, it was a lot of me was just shutting down and walking away. I'm over it. And now it's even when we have our, our, um, tiffs and arguments, um, I'm so quick to want to come back and fix it, you know, like, let's get past this and there's, you know, there's no resentment anymore, anger anymore as much, you know, it goes away a lot faster. And it's, I don't know, this feel like there's more, more, it's more loving than it is than trying to hurt each other's feelings.

Yeah, I think, you know, I'm sorry, our son's in the background. You know, we really got a lot of tools And I don't know, like there were so many things, like there are tools, they're easy to understand, but the tools that we got, it helped us also realize and kind of take a step back and look at ourselves a lot better and analyze, well, why do we feel this way? Why am I, you know, Why am I so disturbed by what April is saying? So it just really created a safe zone for us and a place for us to actually take the time to listen to each other. And I think that was the hardest thing for us. And sometimes it still is. Sometimes, you know, we actually need, you know, additional support just because We started to fall into our old habits and we, but we realize it a lot faster than we ever did before.

There's more, there's more lights on in the relationship, um, to shine on the things that we're like, oh, okay. You know, that's really how we, how I see it. And to end up, but like when we started, I had said this before, like we, we, we've, our relationship was definitely a fixer-upper, like like tearing down, ready to be like, I'm out. And with Jess, I feel like she gave us the tools to like, to fix, to fix our—

strengthen our foundation and fix our little fixer-upper of a relationship.

And it's gone, come a long way, you know, but it's going to be constantly working and making it bigger and stronger. Again, it's kind of, it's a big, big turnaround for me. I feel like Um, I know it can only just get better from here.

I don't know if this, if this is relevant, but it's like there's, there's, you know, there's me in the relationship, there's her in the relationship, and then there's the relationship. It's like it's its own entity, and we have to try to constantly keep that in mind. What is best for the relationship, not just the individual, right?

So there's a lot of selfish, um, acts in prior to Jess, just trying to be together but still be, you know, well, it's about me, not about the other person. So, and you don't realize it. It's really funny when you, you don't realize how bad it is until you kind of take a step back in and go through this process. That's like, oh, I was really a selfish person in this relationship. And It's different now. It's, it's a lot better. I'm going to say it was not— nothing is perfect, but it's definitely in that boat of we're doing this together and not I'm just here.

There's a lot less selfishness on both parts. It's night and day.

Yes. So I think the biggest One of the biggest outcomes from doing this work with Jess is our communication, 'cause our communication was really bad. I was the one that shut down. I was the one that liked to walk away, and he was the one that wanted to always like work things out and clear things up. And I was very good in, I mean, I was an expert in avoider. And I think this has, really like put me outside of it's all about me and put me into like, okay, I got to pay attention to what's going on, how and how he's feeling and everything like that. It's, it's really helped. I think we've gotten really better at communicating. And when we fight, we, we even better at like ending our fights. I like, I kind of get silly, make it to try to make him laugh. This is really come back together real a lot faster and a lot easier than before.

I was going to say, and for me running, like when she would run away or, you know, try to get away from an argument, you know, I was really bad at pretty much chasing her down and just following her and, you know, trying to get my point across and trying to get my voice heard. And what I didn't realize then was that, that she needed space. She needed to decompress and, and just have a moment. And, um, I needed to kind of just sit back and give her that, that space and realize that, that she would come back and that she was going to, um, try to work things out. But, uh, when we used to fight, I didn't, I just didn't think like that. Now that was one of the tools that Jess, you know, helped me see so that we could, you know, move forward. And April and I do a lot better job at when we get into arguments of like, oh, okay, well I'll just, you know, I'll wait. It's not that big a deal. And she does a lot better job at coming back and, and talking, talking through our disagreements.

So yeah, it's true. I mean, I guess about a little over a year ago, I was ready to leave, and in less than 2 months we're getting married. So that's it. I really believe that we wouldn't be here without Jess because we've talked about marriage before and I was like, you know, no, it's not going to happen. Like, that's not happening. Like, And I really, really would not be— I probably wouldn't be here. We would be on our separate ways trying to co-parent our child. So it has been a huge— I mean, I can't say it enough. Jess has been such a blessing and it was meant to be in this relationship. Um, yeah, no, we learned a lot and I think there's a lot— big takeaway, big takeaways for me at least.

So Oh yeah. No, I mean, it's a little bit funny to me because I do have friends that have issues in their own relationships and they see how fast everything kind of turned around for us. And they're like, what happened? And what can we do? And first thing I tell 'em is, well, you should contact Jess. And they're like, well, but can you just tell me what to do? And I'll give 'em a few pointers, I said, but they'll, ultimately I tell 'em, I tell them, you know, you should really at least set up an appointment with Jess. And, you know, you'd be surprised at just what one session can do for you. You know, just imagine going through a couple of months. So, yeah.